Support Group

[Sunny Girl]

People are unbelievably rude, Pembie. I bet she will think over the conversation she had with you and I hope she apologises soon.

[Sunny Girl]

I'm having a biopsy in a few hours..

 

And I'm scared. My Mum died of cancer three years ago.

And I've only told the person I'm closest to. About the biopsy. 

And he is currently seeing someone else. And has been for the last 4 weeks.

All fun and games, aye? Oh well.

 

 

 

[Pierced Musie]

SunnyG12: I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I hope the biopsy goes without a hitch. And please believe that I will be thinking of you while you are in there.

[pembie]

Sunny I'm sure you biopsy will go fine and your be ok Let's us know how you get on.

[hward]

The last six years have been pure hell, with the last six months the worst of the lot, and I haven't exactly come out unscathed, but now things have turned around I feel as though I should be happier, but I'm not, I put on a front but I'm still struggling and worry all the time.

I'm nearly 24 and live with my mum and nanna.  It's hard.  I work on the farm every day as a full time job and I'm making a proper go of it as a business, but when my mum comes in from work she always makes me feel as though I'm not good enough and not doing enough and a failure.  I feel like things that have happened in the past are my fault even though they were out of my control.  I feel the stress and tension as soon as she comes near and then because I'm struggling she doesn't understand when I try to explain and we end up arguing because she thinks I've got no reason.  But we can argue over anything all the time.  I still hate him even though it's five years since he died, and I feel like my mum hates me because of how I still hate him.  I lost all of my friends as soon as the going got tough because they didn't understand what I was going through so I've found myself mostly isolated.

Add into the mix that I've fallen pretty hard for a guy but he keeps blowing hot and cold on me - one minute he acts like he's into me and the next he isn't - so I don't know where I stand, and I've been hurt badly in the past so I'm nervous about putting myself out there in case I get it wrong, but I'm scared that if I just sit back then I'll never have the nerve and will always end up alone.  I just wish I knew how to feel normal.

[Homeandawayfan.]

There is a difference between having no friends and not seeing them a lot due to circumstances. I fall into the latter. I think being unemployed makes you more reclusive. As I said, my communication with friends is mainly electronic as they lived a good 20 to 30 miles away. When I was at work I was always going out on nights out or days out. If I had no friends I would not worry about being at home a lot.

[Sunny Girl]

Drinking red wine at 12.30 on a wintery overcast Monday. Sadly, I have sunk indeed.

 

And just for today, I do not care!! ..

[pembie]

Oh dear doesn't sound too good but hopefully things will look better for you tomorrow or sometime soon. Some things that happen to us can't be changed sadly but its the way we act afterwards that makes the difference. And make us strong which im sure deep down you are Hope your feeling better soon Sunny:)

[TelephotoMarigold]

According to the council even though I am homeless because I don't have "kids" I'm not a priority.   I've been trying to get social housing for a year. I've been trying to get private rentals for a year. 

Most places either do not accept housing benefit or they say their landlord insurance doesn't cover it. 

I'm stuck.  I have no money.  What money I do have goes to cover storage costs for my furniture and things. 

Which brings me to this.... the money I was going to use to pay this months storage costs I've had to use to pay for my cat to get to the vet.   I have three cats,  at first they went from cattery to cattery as I struggled to get anywhere in the system. Then a woman said she'd foster them for me, only turns out she was planning to charge me £24 a DAY!   I only found out when she sent me a text saying I owed her £1700....  On top of this she accused me of not 'caring' about them. She said one of them had to go to the vet because they had a food allergy and could only have food that cost £40 a month. I then received a text from her tell me she was going to keep them. 

I wrote her a letter in response saying I was going to get them back off her and her response to this was to "dump" them on me 6pm one night when I didn't have food or anything.  The owner of the place where I'm staying is allergic to cats so my lovely moggies are now living in a shed in the garden. Of the three, Mystic was completely feral when I got her back and you couldn't even get near her to stroke her. There is no sign of any of them needing a "special" diet.... although they were so overfed that I've had them on diets!

I have one bag of my clothes with me, I've had to buy things from charity shops to top up my wardrobe.   It's hard to go on job interviews when you aren't wearing the smartest outfit you could. 

Last year I was asked if I wanted to go to a book signing. Although I had doubts due to my "situation" I said yes and actually started looking forward to it.  They then booked tickets for themselves and SOMEONE else before posting that on Facebook.  They were so overjoyed they were going they "forgot" that I could see their Fb posts especially when they were posting about all they stuff they were going to do with their new friends.  Even though I still wanted to go I pulled out and it honestly felt as bad as when my ex cheated on me, an ongoing betrayal.  Even worse when they were going to meet up with these friends in my HOMETOWN, when every other comment and every conversation was about how excited they were to be going.  

The weekend of the book signing because I'm friends with a lot of authors that were there my newsfeed is jammed with pictures. I just can't get away from it  

They (the friend) just don't seem to care how much it hurt and now each conversation is nothing because if they cared they would know I've forgiven them hundreds of times for hundreds of different reasons and I'd also forgive them this when it stops hurting.

Still, with life carrying on (unfortunately), I start putting together a collection of poetry to publish.  I'm also editing another collection and taking on some editing work.  I show this friend my prospective cover artwork. In fact they are the only person I show because I'm trying to reclaim our friendship, and they respond by telling me how awful it is.  

It takes me a month before I can even look at the cover again without crying.  Something I was so proud of achieving, something I was looking forward too. 

It's compounding inside me, and I'm ever surprised at just how much pain a person can stand.  I've done the counselling and the anti-depressants.  In fact I had to stop taking them because I couldn't afford the bus fare to actually go and see my doctor.  At my lowest point I reached out to the Samaritans. Labelled the night of cheap wine and tears it suffuses into darkest memory.  

I'm still here.  

Today my nephew tells me he and his long term girlfriend are expecting a baby.  They are 12 weeks along and have just had a scan. I'm supposed to be happy but my longest pregnancy was 11 weeks and if that baby had screamed into the world... the council would have given me a place to live right now. 

So yeah.  Here I am again.  



 

[pembie]

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