Support Group

[Frankie]

This is hard. Basically it is not your fault, and both your parents still love you.

You and your sister need to tell your Dad how you feel, and how angry you are that this has happened. He needs to understand that he and your Mum need to sort things out in grown up way without fighting...... and blaming her for everything is not going to solve anything. They need to sit and talk calmly about whether they have a future together and if not how they are going to sort things out with out killing each other, and more to the point without upsetting you and your sister.

Is there someone at school you can talk to?Can you get in touch with your Mum to meet and talk to her as well? Maybe ask an adult friend to mediate beween them and get them to sit down together and with you to talk things through.

I hope things settle down for you. It is never easy when your parents are warring with each other. the important thins to remeber is that it is not your fault...as most kids in your situation do wonder at some point if they did something wrong, or what they could do to make it OK again. You and your sister need to be there for each other too.

[MarMar]

Not sure I can offer any help, but just wanted to say that I have been in the same situation, but I was younger, and my mom took me with her. My dad was violent, and my childhood was filles with screamig and hitting. My mom took me with her when I was about 10, but my sister didn't come with. We lived at a shelter for a month or so, before, I guess, they negotiated, and we came back. I don't really remember much of my childhood or the stay at the shelter, other than I was sick and threw up an apple shortly after coming there. I guess it must have been the strain of leaving home in a difficult situation. My parents never got on, not that I can remember anyway. My father got sick when I was 15-16, and moved out when I was around 17. I think he didn't want my mom, who he didn't particulary like, see him weak. He died the summer before my 18th birthday.

[Gypsy & Will Fan]

I'm really sorry to hear that.

Just be there for both of them, I don't really remember my mum and dad arguing my dad walked out on me and my mum, and my brother and sister when I was 12 weeks old. But my sister said that it was awful before he left, he always used to ruin my mums fun. My advice is be there for your mum and dad, and don't blame yourself.

[hotchoc]

Thanks guys for the advice.

Mercury girl my dad is like that too,like he gets really violent when things don't go his way. There's also alot more to that than just them fighting,years ago mum did a really bad thing to my grandmother(dads side) it's something to do with money and dad of course got really angry and said if it happened again he wouldn't forgive her. Then last year mum did a similar thing again and dad found out this year and as you can imagine totally went off at her and whenever he thought about it he talk to me about all the awful things about mum and stuff. Dad also said that if it wern't for me he would've separated with mum but he didn't cuz he didn't want to hurt me and that until I'm older he's gonna carry on like a normal family which did happen-alot of the time they would get along really well like normal but when the money issue was brought up he'll get really angry again and he's also sick of mum always going out working but not sharing the money and getting him to pay for everything and not doing house work.(you'll probably thnk mums a bad person but deep down she isn't) so yeah yesterday morning dad just gotten insane over the housework stuff and made mum took off in a flood of tears. She ran me a cuple of hours ago asking how i was and stuff but she didn't tell me where she's staying probably at a friends house i guess. Also when mum left she said she won't be coming back. It's really hard on me and my older sister and dads attitude is i-don't-care-she's-left-i-wanted-to-separate-ages-ago. He did apologize to me because of what happened and that it wasn't suppose to happen until I'm older.

[MarMar]

It's so sad, but sometimes I think it's for the best. If they are not happy living with each other, it's bound to affect the kids, and it's not good to grow up in such an environment. I know it seems hard now, but it will get better. Not only because there will be more peace around the house, but your parents will/might be happier too! Good luck!

[TabbyCool]

My parents got divorced when I was 7 and my brother was 3. They never fought in front of us, one day they just explained to us that dad was going to live on his own house and that he still loved us and we could see him when we wanted to.

I wasn't affected in a bad way at all, although when my brother got a bit older I think he found it difficult being the only boy in the house and he missed dad a lot when he didn't see him.

I'd rather have my parents split up when I was young than stay together "for the kids' sake". They would have been unhappy, kids are smart too, they can usually tell when something isn't quite right. If my parents had stayed together they would have probably ended up arguing and stuff and neither of them would have been very happy.

Too many people stay together not because they want to, but because they want to protect their kids. I just don't think that's a valid reason to stay with someone who you don't love. It's far better to go your own separate ways and just keep in contact and be friendly or civil to each other for the kids.

Hotchoc, your dad shouldn't have told you that your parents stayed together for your sake, he probably didn't realise that saying that would make you feel worse. You just have to remember that it's not your fault and you have nothing to feel bad about. Tell both parents that you will not be taking sides, you need to be there for them and listen to them, but if either one of them tries to tell you bad things about the other, just tell them you don't want to hear it. I know it's hard, but you have to remain positive.

[hotchoc]

Yeah I know,and my dad shouldn't have told me that.

Thanks everyone.

[DaSilva]

If your dad "gets really violent" maybe you should be staying with your mum.

[Heaven]

I think when your doing that your Mom get in trouble because isn't like the same as breaking the law ?

[hotchoc]

Sorry I kinda don't understand your post. Why would my mum get iin trouble??