Support Group

[Jamey-Maria]

I recently got a call from my mum, who hasn't bothered to call and or see me in over 7+ years. She says that she wants to see me and that she cares. She started crying and telling me that she wants to spend more time with me but i don't know and now i'm really confused. My dad says that it's up to me whether i see her or not but i don't really know what to do?

EDIT: I know this may not seem important considering others problems/concerns but i was just wondering if anyone could help or has been here before.

[Dazacoulls]

I recently got a call from my mum, who hasn't bothered to call and or see me in over 7+ years. She says that she wants to see me and that she cares. She started crying and telling me that she wants to spend more time with me but i don't know and now i'm really confused. My dad says that it's up to me whether i see her or not but i don't really know what to do?

EDIT: I know this may not seem important considering others problems/concerns but i was just wondering if anyone could help or has been here before.

JACKNMARTHALUVER I've never actually had to deal with this situation before so it'll be really hard to help you with your dilema. But I will say at the end of the day its your choice whether you want to meet you Mum again. It depends on the circumstances as to why you haven't seen her for 7 years... Basically its whether you can forgive her.

There's one thing you do have to remember that at the end of the day - She is your Mum and that will never change not matter what you decide to do.

Make the right choice FOR YOU not for her not for anyone just YOU.

[~Lynd~]

I recently got a call from my mum, who hasn't bothered to call and or see me in over 7+ years. She says that she wants to see me and that she cares. She started crying and telling me that she wants to spend more time with me but i don't know and now i'm really confused. My dad says that it's up to me whether i see her or not but i don't really know what to do?

EDIT: I know this may not seem important considering others problems/concerns but i was just wondering if anyone could help or has been here before.

I've been in the exact same situation.I hadn't spoken to her in a long time,when i was 15 i went to Queensland to see her and stayed with my sister.Things seemed to go ok,but when i went back to my foster parents i'd only hear from her if i called.

I went back up when i was 16 and she said all these horrible things about my dad and why she had to have me and my sisters and brothers fostered out,and that she loves us blah blah blah.I called her for a school assigment on early childhood,and she wasn't there and i've not spoken to her since i was 16.

By no means am i saying it's he same with you as i don't know your situation,but from experience every time my mum bothers she wants to make herself feel better.I'm 22 now so it's a bit late to play happy families.

At the end of the day,just do what you feel is right and don't let anyone influence your decision,your Dad is right it's up to you.

I've probably totally put you off it,lol,but maybe you should give it a go.I gave my mum 2 chances before i realized she cares more about herself then me.

Of course my chair could have put me in the 2 hard basket for her to....

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

[H&A_FAN]

I recently got a call from my mum, who hasn't bothered to call and or see me in over 7+ years. She says that she wants to see me and that she cares. She started crying and telling me that she wants to spend more time with me but i don't know and now i'm really confused. My dad says that it's up to me whether i see her or not but i don't really know what to do?

EDIT: I know this may not seem important considering others problems/concerns but i was just wondering if anyone could help or has been here before.

I have been in a similar situation, my dad contacted me for the first time when I was 19. I know it's not the same beacuse i had never met him before. I agree with what has already been said, noone else can make the decision for you, its entirely your choice. I did decide to meet my dad but it was mostly out of curiosity because I didn't want to go my whole life without ever meeting him and I wanted to know what he looks like etc.

One thing I can say is that expecting some big explanation doesn't help because there is no justification for not contacting your child or enquiring after their well being (hope I'm not offending anyone) and even if a excuse is given it will never seem valid enough. It may be best to just take things slowly and not to expect too much at first, things don't magically get better. Also meeting up doesn't have to meen forgiveness, you might find it nice just to "catch up" becasue she is your mom at the end of the day.

[~Lynd~]

^You probably said it better then me,If you do decide to do it don't expect to much.I think i probably did and got hurt when i realized all she wants is to make herself feel better for doing what she did to us,especially me,she says she thinks she shouldn't have had me becourse of the life i have in a wheelchair and watching me suffer.

I don't suffer though,i do fine,and she's only trying to make herself feel better about what she did to me as a child.

While you shouldn't expect to much,don't just expect it to go badly either,go in there with a open mind,but try not to be heartbroken if things don't go how you want,if you decide to go.

[Gypsy & Will Fan]

My dad walked out on me when I was 12 weeks old because I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia, and I've never forgiven him, in fact you can safely say I HATE him.

I still see him, because he just won't leave me alone, not because he loves me but because he can't bear that I'm not a daddy's girl.

My dad's a horrible man, says that I'm too slow, I use crutches to walk around, he always tells me to hurry up and why can't you be more like Georgia (my step sister), she's pretty, smart and walks faster than you.

He never calls me unless he wants something, when mum phoned him up to say I was in hospital after I had an accident at school, he said he was too busy, he never once saw me, he never saw me when I was too depressed to leave the house.

But I have to move heaven and earth to be polite to my step brothers and sisters, and my step mum who is just a total bitch, she actually thinks I should call her mum, PURLEASE!

[~Lynd~]

I sympathise Penny.The only time i hear from my mum is whenshe wants to feel better.As for my dad,i don't think he even knows where i am which may be due to mum so i'm not willing to judge to quickly.From what i remember he cared more then mum.

My ''Real'' parents are my foster parents,they're the ones that made me the person i am and i'm fairly close to them.

[MarMar]

I know how you feel about horrible parents.

It is a huge problem in Norway as well. I've lived in shelters because my mom were too afraid to stay at home. I have been hit by a previous boyfriend, once, and he was very controlling in other ways that hitting me. I know what it can do to you. I am still struggling with my confidence, meaning I have none.

[100%me]

My father walked out well my mum threw him out for cheating and be lazy 15 years ago and since I have not spoken to him and his side of the family.It is my choice and no one elses.My mum says that if we (my sis 17 and bro 15) yes he did leave when my bro was born,want to speak to him we can but none of us want to.If he ever did contact me and want to get to know me id tell him where to go because Ive grown up without him and dont need him.I am happy the way I am and am happy with the way my raised us.He has another girlfriend/wive I dont know what she is and has children with them.Maybe in the future I would want contact with them I dont know,its not their fault he had to leave.

As you can see it is up to you what you do and no one elses.You have your own mind.

Hope you decided what to do and good luck.

[Jamey-Maria]

Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it, and it has really helped in the decision that i'm about to make. I really don't think she's calling because she wants to get to know me but because (just like spunkyl) she feels guilty and wants to make herself feel better. I think i might talk to her on the phone for a while and then see how i feel about meeting her again. Again thankyou all it has really helped!