Bay_Mad Posted June 18, 2006 Report Posted June 18, 2006 hey guys , thanks for all that great advice, i didnt know what else to do!! She is getting the help she needs and seems to be getting better. she has her ups and downs though and can be really moody and snappy sometime which is hard to deal with. im so happy i know that this support group thingy is here, you've all been great and caring. big hugs to all!! xxxx
Jess Posted June 18, 2006 Report Posted June 18, 2006 I hope everything works out for your friend, if you've got any more questions I'm sure we'll do our best to help! *hugs*
bell Posted June 22, 2006 Report Posted June 22, 2006 how do you tell you friend that everything will be ok when her dad has just commited suicide? i saw her as soon as i found out and didnt know what i could say to her cause she is the most amazing girl and yesterday she just looked awful and all she said was "its ok" is someone expressed symphy or something and its so sad, her parents got divorced last year and now her and her mum are blaming them selves. it happened on fathers day, also i need to write her and her mum a letter to express my sympathy but dont know what i could say
randomuser Posted June 22, 2006 Report Posted June 22, 2006 A few years ago my dad died suddenly, the reaction from my mates was very varied. One of my housemates wouldnt even look at me let alone talk to me which was awful, I felt like I had some disease, at the time it drove me potty, now I realise she didnt know what to say. The most important thing for your mate is to be there for her, let her know that you are there whenever she needs you. When I lost my dad everyone was asking was I ok and naturally you respond that you are fine when inside the pain is unbearable, but what else are you meant to say! At the time people telling me they were sorry for my loss drove me mad, what were they sorry for, etc but now I realise what they meant, basically what I'm trying to say is if your friend gets annoyed/upset with people saying things like this its not directed at you, she'll just be all over the place. I think sending a card is nice, I know it helped me, was nice to know people were thinking of us and even now I sometimes read back through them on down days and it reminds me people care. At the end of the day there is nothing to say that can make this better but you can help ease the hurt, someone once said to me that the pain you feel will never go but you'll learn to live with it. You sound like a great mate and I hope your friend pulls through
Penie Posted June 22, 2006 Report Posted June 22, 2006 Two years ago my cousins wife was struck by lightening on their honeymoon. She died straight away. My 1st cousin is 15 years older then me so i couldn't really do anything but mum went round alot just to help and give support. That is all you can do really, he was very grateful in the end.
bell Posted June 22, 2006 Report Posted June 22, 2006 thankyou both so much, it has made me so sad over the last 2 days knowing i cant actually do much, i knew her dad and he was lovely but always working and thats all any of us saw of him, the only times my dad saw him was when he was shopping with camilla on Harvey Nichols special custemer evenings. We all new he was depressed but know one realised it was this bad. when it happened, fathers day, she hadnt spoken to him for over 2 weeks and he didnt leave a note or anything. awhile ago he sent her a text saying goodbye but she didnt know what it was all about so deleated it, i just feel so bloody useless and all i can think about is me and her when we were really young talking about our wedding days, what we would wear.. you know typical stuff but know she wont have a dad to walk her down the aisle. im quite a sensitive person and live a very sheltered life as have all my friends and cant believe that anything like this happened to someone i knew, perhaps something one reads about in the paper but not know them. commiting suicide is a very desperate act but one of my friends told her that he was selfish to do it leaving them all. he was a very sucessful london banker and i really just cant believe what has happened and cant understand the pain that she, her mum or his parents(who i believe found him are feeling.) do you have any ideas about what i could write in the letter, i know it should be personal and sensitive but all i can think is 'im so sorry, please tell me if there is anything i could do to help'
bell Posted June 22, 2006 Report Posted June 22, 2006 thankyou both so much, it has made me so sad over the last 2 days knowing i cant actually do much, i knew her dad and he was lovely but always working and thats all any of us saw of him, the only times my dad saw him was when he was shopping with camilla on Harvey Nichols special custemer evenings. We all new he was depressed but know one realised it was this bad. when it happened, fathers day, she hadnt spoken to him for over 2 weeks and he didnt leave a note or anything. awhile ago he sent her a text saying goodbye but she didnt know what it was all about so deleated it, i just feel so bloody useless and all i can think about is me and her when we were really young talking about our wedding days, what we would wear.. you know typical stuff but know she wont have a dad to walk her down the aisle. im quite a sensitive person and live a very sheltered life as have all my friends and cant believe that anything like this happened to someone i knew, perhaps something one reads about in the paper but not know them. commiting suicide is a very desperate act but one of my friends told her that he was selfish to do it leaving them all. he was a very sucessful london banker and i really just cant believe what has happened and cant understand the pain that she, her mum or his parents(who i believe found him are feeling.) do you have any ideas about what i could write in the letter, i know it should be personal and sensitive but all i can think is 'im so sorry, please tell me if there is anything i could do to help'
Penie Posted June 22, 2006 Report Posted June 22, 2006 Maybe start of with the good times, then the support you are going to give/ it will get better and end with you will always be there.
randomuser Posted June 22, 2006 Report Posted June 22, 2006 ^^^ good idea, will remind her of your friendship and how you will always be there for her. You could also just put something along the lines that you know you don't know what she/her family are going through but how you are there for her/them if they ever need anything or want to talk things through.
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