Support Group

[Emma_B]

I'm so sorry to hear that Mar, I think there are quite a few of us on here who know how you feel.

Has anything triggered it, do you think? I know that for a while things were going well for me, but now I am home from Uni for the summer, I am drifting back into weird sleep patterns, feeling rubbish and isolating myself. Has anything changed recently, or is it one of those unexplained black times? Is it because you have finished Uni for the year, and don't have much to do? Or are you lonely? I am lonely and miss my friends, which is why I am slipping down again.

It sounds like Terje (sp?!) really understands you. I guess what happened yesterday has hit really hard, and made everything worse. How are you feeling about being in public now? Pretty ****? If so, maybe he can support you in going out to places that aren't too crowded...please don't hide away, don't let it escalate so far it overwhelms you.

It's easy for me to say try and eat. I know it's hard, but also you know that it is important. I don't really know what to advise on that one, I'm a binge-starve kinda girl! It's a different thing altogether...

Keep talking to us on here, I find that it helps. Actually, when I am having a good time I'm rarely on...it must give quite a bad impression of me! Anyway, people on here do care about you Mar...I do. I'm thinking of you.

xxx

[MarMar]

This is what I posted in my blog in Friday - plese excuse the LJ-tags:

Today we were invited to a friend's 'party' (I believe they call it), and we though we would go, just for a little bit with [info]lurvelille and H. to show out support for her, as she has just taken out separation from her husband, who is also a friend of ours. Both I and Terje cares for both of them, so this is a tricky situation, but enough about that...!

We got there late, around 11pm and was greeted, amongst others, by a friend who's been away for some time, finishing school in another part of the country, and my, my, my, he sure looked good! He's had some weight issues, but apparently he's been on a diet and done lots of work-out, and it shows! It pleased me a whole lot.

Getting back to the header of this entry; I notice that despite my mere 20 years, I have grown past this whole 'drink as much as you can before you throw up'-thing. I was never in it, but these are the people I spent 2-3 years with, while being with my ex. I have never been much of a drinker. I drank a bit before I was old enough to do it, but I can only say that I have been well and truly drunk only once (incident with pure absinthe and hot'n'sweet, of all things), and it has not been something I have wanted to do again.

It was like being back at the home alone parties held in middle- and high school, and it plesed me a bit that a girl I used to hang with during my first year of high school is still her same old adolescent self. She has truly never developed over the stage where shwoing her breast for attention was the only thing going for her, and once again I understood why we grew so apart.

I still feel very inferior when it comes to these people. Never ever have I felt that they like me for me, and when my ex and I broke up, they immediately took his side, and I never stood up for myself. I know in lack self-confidence, and I know I should have, but... I was 17, heart-broken and depressed. I missed a week of school the week after we split. I cried and didn't eat at all. That's when Terje came into my life, so to speak, was a friend and got to know me. To tell the honest truth, I would not be here today if it hadn't been for him.

What also was sort of "funny", was how Kari, the back-stabbing bitch (if you read my LJ last fall), was there. It's weird how she can criticize me publicly whenever she gets the chance (although she was the one ending out friendship, why I still don't know), but she didn't even dare to look at me tonight. I'd just like to take this chance to thank [info]lurvelille for sticking up for me against here some time ago. When she left with her boyfriend, she said bye to [info]lurvelille and H. and even touched Terje's shoulder and said bye to him when she passed (he was standing with his arms around me behind me), but she could not say bye to me. I don't care, as I'm better of without her, but it had to be mentioned.

E. looked very nice, though, and it was great meeting her again after we drifted apart some years ago. I really liked, and looked up to her when I was 16-17 years old, and although I never got to know her all that well, she's always made me feel good about myself, accepted and liked. So, E. If you're reading this, thanks for everything and the comment you made on how you "read LJ, but don't know.. what to comment with....". It was very, very nice just to make that comment. Thank you.

And yesterday:

Just like yesterday, being with people I used to hang with in HS was not as "good" as it should have been. As you in the goo-filter knows, I have issues. These has not been made better by meeting these people again.

Today we met for a LARPers-meet at Tante Molla (more about that later), because, the LARPing community in Stavanger has shrunk considerably after one of the more active people committed suicide last summer and we shut down our monthly "Vampire" (with a twist)-sessions. [info]lurvelille decided that something needed to be done, and took initiative, bought cake and invited everyone.

We were app. 15 people, and all the noise, all the people and everything just made me.. ugg! After 2 hours, I couldn't be there anymore. I have an issues with loud voices, and everyone talking at the same time + generally ****ty day + stuffy nose (up all night, HOT shower at 5am to try to fix + everything) caught up with me, and we excused ourself and left. Went home and slept for 2 hours. Just crashed on the bed, without taking of any clothes and slept a very unrestful sleep.

Terje had originally arranged with Lurvelille's boyfriend that they would play some boardgames tonight, if they could manage to gather enough people. They didn't, but we're here now anyway.

-------

I think maybe I've been caught up with this whole.. proving myself better than them. These are people I thought were my friends, but has proved to be nothing but backstabbing liars. They chose my ex over me, and that's ok, but other things they have done is not so.

But, the eating problems has been going on for a while. I think I am too chubby, and after the weather started improving I've eaten less, just like I did in the summertime when I was a kid. Now it's like I can't eat anything without starting to feel a little nauseous. I eat small portions and hardly anything between/before after/ the meal(s). On Friday I had 4 thin slices of watermelon and a very small portion os chicken with rice. It was enough, and I've noticed that I've started thinking more about what I eat and how I look.

I am more of a binge/starve girl myself, so it might just be one of those phases.

As for cause. I don't know, really. We're buying a café, and because of my social issues/depression/whatever, I have no working experience. I am scared that I'll **** this up.

[Guevara01]

Merc, you shouldn't have to feel inferior to anyone. I know what it's like to have old "friends" like that, and if i understood the message correctly, they are not worth anything if they make you feel bad about yourself.

You are loved and respected by everyone on this site, and truly great to talk to. I hope you feel better, and are able to work through this.

xxx

[Emma_B]

I agree with Clare.

I too feel this way around many of my old "friends", and even some newer "friends" who I met at Uni this year. I deal with this by thinking about the people who do love me. I have some amazing friends from school and some equally amazing friends from Uni, who mean more to me than anyone in this world. Try and concentrate on Terje, and other people who love you, and remember - he loves YOU, Mar, not stupid Kari! She will likely be unhappy in her life.

I truly believe that all humans have a conscience. While some feelings of guilt are learned (e.g. shame at nakedness), others are surely innate. One of these is guilt about treating other people badly. Even if these people don't feel bad about what they have done right now, one day they will.

From what little I know of you, you seem to be a genuinely good person. You are clearly caring and loving, you are always ready to offer support to everyone on here. You are obviously deeply in love with Terje, and he with you. Also, I think you are beautiful! I've said before, I have a lot of issues with my weight. Sometimes I feel OK, sometimes I hate myself. I think part of it is just being human, being self aware; and part of it is tied up with depression. The same for the appetite problems.

Try and remember how many people care about you. xxx

[MarMar]

Thank you, both.

[Emmadolly]

There are loads of people, including me that feel uncomfortable in the company of old friends. It is not that they are better than you, it is because you have become a different person in life. As you can see clearly that they are similar to the person they were years ago, but you have altered. Does not mean that you should shy away, stand up and be proud of the person you have become.

[-Emily-]

Hey, I need help.

Theres this boy...and I like him ya know. He's my first proper crush and I just don't know what to say to him. I want to talk to him but don't know what to say because I'm scared he'll reject me, or I'll say something reallly stupid and he'll never speak to me, or something. I really want to go out with him, but what if he says no. I see him practically every day and all I want to do is go up to him and say .

So does anyone have any ideas...or have you been through this?

[~Lynd~]

Yes i've been through it and still am at 22,lol.It's not easy to admit to someone you like them as more then a friend,becourse as you say you're scared of rejection.

Hard as it is if you see him every day,it's probably best to go up to him and say something.You never know he might be shy to!

[MarMar]

Anyone up for some talking. I am seriously down in the dump...

[Cal]

Anyone up for some talking. I am seriously down in the dump...

*Jumps up and down*

Pick me, Pick me!

What's the matter?