100%me Posted July 22, 2006 Report Posted July 22, 2006 I think a talk wit your mum is definitly the best thing to do. I will expand on this tomorrow when I'm sober. That sentemnce took me ten minutse to write. Hee hee I think I will speak to my mum during the week as my brother is away on holidays and cant butt in.Its worse because my mum told me and my sister that she didnt want girls she wanted a boy so thats why I think most my family spoil him. Thanks guys for the replies.
Elise Posted July 23, 2006 Report Posted July 23, 2006 Hmm, I have one. Tomorrow is the day that would have been my ex and I's 5 year anniversary, so I know that I'm going to be depressed. For those who don't know, we broke up August last year and I found out not long after him breaking it off with me for no reason that he was cheating on me with a girl from my basketball team. They are still together, and I still haven't finished going through the hurt and the anger (this was my first serious relationship where I opened up to anyone - my longest before that was 3mths, and I was distant anyway). And I don't think I could trust anyone again, it took 6 months to get close to him, and he turns around and does that to me. Even though I somewhat know I am better off without him. How do I keep my mind from wondering, and will there ever be a light at the end of this seemingly never ending tunnel? How could I ever trust anyone again?? Thanks for reading this, I guess I'm just a little off, knowing tomorrow (if we were still together) would have been our 5 year anniversary.
100%me Posted July 23, 2006 Report Posted July 23, 2006 Hmm, I have one. Tomorrow is the day that would have been my ex and I's 5 year anniversary, so I know that I'm going to be depressed. For those who don't know, we broke up August last year and I found out not long after him breaking it off with me for no reason that he was cheating on me with a girl from my basketball team. They are still together, and I still haven't finished going through the hurt and the anger (this was my first serious relationship where I opened up to anyone - my longest before that was 3mths, and I was distant anyway). And I don't think I could trust anyone again, it took 6 months to get close to him, and he turns around and does that to me. Even though I somewhat know I am better off without him. How do I keep my mind from wondering, and will there ever be a light at the end of this seemingly never ending tunnel? How could I ever trust anyone again?? Thanks for reading this, I guess I'm just a little off, knowing tomorrow (if we were still together) would have been our 5 year anniversary. Ok I dont know if this is going to be any help as I dont know everything about it. When I was 18 I got with this guy that I really liked,we dated for 9months (not long) but I thought it was the real thing.Anyways after he finished with me I was really hurt and angry as that was my first ever boyfriend and because I found out that he was seeing someone else while he was still with me.This person was his best friend (a girl).I know its not as long as 5 years but I did get over him and we are now friends not good friends but we do speak now an again.Well I though that I would never trust someone again after that but then I ment my now boyfriend of 2 years and a half. Tomorrow dont go thinking about what would you be doing if it was your 5 year anniversary go have some retail therapy.Works a treat.Take your friends with you.This will keep your mind off it then. Anyways thats all I have to say. Hope you feel better about it soon.
Elise Posted July 23, 2006 Report Posted July 23, 2006 Thank you for sharing. One good thing about tomorrow is that I am working, so should take my mind off it a lil bit. However, I don't have many friends, and the ones I do have, they work when I am off and vice versa. I'm glad you saw the light at the end of the tunnel, although retail therapy sounds a treat! That's what I did when he broke it off with me last year. I bought a video camera, a laptop, a car, stereo system and other stuff. I was just more mad that it was not long after our 4 year anniversary, and she was meant to be a friend! Thank you for reading through it and giving advise, I really do appreciate it. Sometimes I just feel invisible here, and like no-one cares, and your post made me feel a lil bit better.
MarMar Posted July 23, 2006 Report Posted July 23, 2006 Know all about being the invisible one. I also know about being hurt by men I was with my ex for 3 years, then he dumped me out of the blue and went off flirting with other girls, my friends included.
Elise Posted July 23, 2006 Report Posted July 23, 2006 Thanks Mar! I'm glad to hear everyone's stories, so that I don't feel too bad I guess. I still have this irrational fear I will never meet anyone special!
Frankie Posted July 23, 2006 Report Posted July 23, 2006 I had that fear too. I have a terrible stutter and was teased all through school.....which does wonders for your confidence with the opposite sex let me tell you.....and when someone asks your name and it takes you ages to get f -f- f- f- fracesca out...and they get that look of "OMG get me out of here" ...which comes over guys faces when they come across anyone who does not instantly fit their idea of what a girl should look and sound like.....well...don't get me started on how bloody pig ignorant and insensitive some of them are... Anyway ...I am going off the point...I had a couple of boyfriends before I met Tariq. One I thougt... while I was going out with him.... was IT..he was quite attentive but looking back he sort of undermined me and was quite controlling in a way....it was almost like he was doing me a favour being with me sort of thing...although I did not realise it at the time...he dumped me for some bimbo type and shot his mouth off about how useless I was and how he was well rid of me and how I was nothing without him..that sort of stuff. I was absolutely devastated. I thought no one would be interested in me and got very withdrawn and depressed for a while....but began to realise he was doing what he had been doing all along ..controlling my life. So I though stuff it. I decided I was worth more than him and got on with my life...and retail therapy also played a part too........funny how us girls like to do that I got together with Tariq about 18 months later...ironically he knew my ex and I thought they had been mates...but Tariq always thought he was a tosser...and it turns out he had always liked me...we are now blissfully happy despite a lot of obstacles from extended (not immediate) family ...as I'm jewish and he's a muslim..and I know we will always be together...and trust him totally. I suppose what I learnt from this is that a lot of what went wrong with my ex was around self image..at that point I thought I was not going to be on the ABC OR D list for guys on the pull...hell I thought I would be lucky to get on the Z list... I had to let all that insecurity go...it can be hard...your family tell you that you are wonderful..and beautiful...and that they love you...and you tell them "you are supposed to say that" ..and them saying it can at times be worse than them not saying it. I am going out on a limb here Elise...but you sound like you think the ex may have been your only shot at it...he isn't. From what you have said he was not exactly a great catch and he treated you badly....you know that....you maybe miss being with someone rather than miss being with him perhaps? I've seen your picture and you are an attractive girl...you have a great sense of humour....and i reckon you are a really nice person...some one special is going to see that too...you never know when though.. my advice would be to stop thinking about what might have been and start thinking about what might be...have good times with friends and you will one day think about the ex , realise you haven't thought about him in eons, have a laugh and wonder what the hell you ever saw in him!
Elise Posted July 23, 2006 Report Posted July 23, 2006 Thank you Frankie for your kind words. I think you hit the nail on the head right there! I think maybe I do miss being with someone, mainly because I have a lot of love to give, and I wanna make someone special happy. I'm really happy for you though, Tariq sounds like a really nice guy, you are so lucky! My ex, Tim, treated me bad, he would use all sorts of guilt trips to make me stay with him, but was ok for him to go out with all his single friends to 'pick up' all night. He swore to me that it was his friends that were picking up and not him, which, stupidly I believed, and to top it off, told me he didn't want me to move in with him (he purchased a house) because he thought I'd try and take half of it! I was actually going to break up with him right there, but he wrote this letter detailing that he'd be nothing without me and whatnot. So I 'fell' for it, so to speak. I did think he took advantage of my generosity, which I think that's why I am kinda dissilusioned with men in general. Frankie, your kind words meant so much to me, my eyes were welling up with the thought of how caring and compassionate you really are. I really must now focus on what lies ahead, in fact, I am going for a job interview on Wednesday, I feel I need to start new, and need a change. And I must certianly try to see the good that has come out of all this, for one, I don't have to put up with emotional blackmail from him anymore. Thanks for advise Frankie, you really brightened up my day!
Mez83 Posted July 23, 2006 Report Posted July 23, 2006 Elise, I hope today isn't too hard on you. It must be such a hard place for you to be in. I can't imagine being in your position. Before Joe, my longest relationship was only 5 months! 4 years is a long time to be with someone, so it's natural for you to be feeling the way you do about it. But it's fantastic for you to be able to now see that he was treating you badly! Go you!! My advice for today: If you need to cry, do it. If you need to eat chocolate, eat it. Do whatever you need to do to get you through the day!
Elise Posted July 23, 2006 Report Posted July 23, 2006 Thanks Mez. I will definitely be on the ciggies today that's for sure! Don't worry Mez, my longest before that one was 3 months. It is a bit of a shock, and I am a bit down today, but hoping it will pass by quickly! At least I have something to look forward to on Wednesday, which is the job interview. Quick question, how long have you and Joe been together? Not sure if you told me before. I really appreciate the advise given, thank you guys so much!
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