Support Group

[Emmadolly]

Elise i understand that you are hurting and upset, maybe even thinking what Frankie, that was a lovely reply you posted to Elise. You said it from the heart and what you felt in the pass. Sorry to hear you have a stutter, it must have been very hard for you growing up. My son has speech problems and is having speech therapy for it, so hopefully it will be resolved in time.

would you be doing together if you were still a couple. He obviously was not the right one for you, and the right guy is out there waiting to meet you. I had some really ****ty boyfriends before i met my hubby, some were total gents, but they were not for me. others were rough and ready but still not for me. I had my heart broken a few times, and i gave up hope. I have been married 11 years next month, and very happy. There is no reason at all for you to feel this way, i now the right guy is around the corner for you.

Trust is another thing, who said you have to trust a guy when you meet them. I want them to earn my trust before i trust a word from them. Dont worry over trust issues otherwise it may stop you meeting the right man.

[Mez83]

Quick question, how long have you and Joe been together? Not sure if you told me before.

We've only been together for 7 months but it feels like way longer. I guess that means it's meant to be. I can't imagine myself without him now!

[Elise]

Thanks for the reply, you know, our 4 year anniversary kinda sucked, come to think of it. We went to the snow the day before, but on the day, no present (well at least not until the Thursday) and he would have rathered play basketball with his mates than spend it with me! Gawd, I really should have seen the signs! It's true that love is blind.

I know I have learnt from this relationship (cos otherwise, what's the point), but fear I have learnt a bit too much (if you know what I mean).

The whole trust thing has to be worked on, but I like your analogy, he has to EARN it, it's not a given.

[Emmadolly]

Ok girls, i want some advice here. I have said before i have a 15-year-old stepdaughter, called Danica. We have an extremely good relationship. When i questioned her before in a general chat, she told me she was not a virgin, and when she lost her virginity it was in her mother’s and step dads house. So i thought i was doing the right thing and contacted her mum to tell her, as she can keep an eye on her, as she was only 13 at the time. But i had it in the neck from Danica’s mum for telling tales on her, and then when she asked her she said sorry to me. Her mum went mad as Danica tells me things, but keeps things from her, and she asked me to tell her if anything else important comes my way to inform her. But this woman is slightly mad

The position i am in now is slightly different; Danica spent the weekend with us, and as i was dying her hair, i asked was she using any precautions as she has been dating for 3 months. She said that she is on the pill, and also uses condoms. Even though my heart sank when she told me, i was delighted that she was taking care of herself, but still sad of the facts.

The problem is, do i tell her mum or not. Because her mother could find the pill anytime. And i will be discredited for knowing about it. As she has always hated the fact that i am closer to her daughter than she is, and turns and twists things around to suit herself, and forgets what is best for Danica.

Thanks for the reply, you know, our 4 year anniversary kinda sucked, come to think of it. We went to the snow the day before, but on the day, no present (well at least not until the Thursday) and he would have rathered play basketball with his mates than spend it with me! Gawd, I really should have seen the signs! It's true that love is blind.

I know I have learnt from this relationship (cos otherwise, what's the point), but fear I have learnt a bit too much (if you know what I mean).

The whole trust thing has to be worked on, but I like your analogy, he has to EARN it, it's not a given.

Yes, trust is earned in time. Not a god given emotion that we have to except in life, trust will always go further both ways.

[Elise]

Hmm, you are in a bit of a sticky wicket! If it were me, I wouldn't tell her, mainly because she told you in confidence. If I were the daughter, I'd be a bit upset that it got to her mum. Having said that though, I wouldn't tell her, and if she found out, you could always play the I had no idea card.

You should talk to Danica, and guage why she isn't telling her mum anything, is it becuase she fells that you are more like a mum to her?

Sorry I am no good at daughter-mother relations, as I have a fantastic relationship with my mother.

[astogirl24]

Hi Emmadolly,

I think it's great that your stepdaughter can confide in you. And she trusts you - so my advice is not to tell her mother. It's not your place to. Otherwise you might ruin your friendship. At the end of the day she is 15 and it is just sex. And she is being responsible with protection. You should leave it there..

Asto

xxx

[Cal]

Ok girls, i want some advice here. I have said before i have a 15-year-old stepdaughter, called Danica. We have an extremely good relationship. When i questioned her before in a general chat, she told me she was not a virgin, and when she lost her virginity it was in her mother's and step dads house. So i thought i was doing the right thing and contacted her mum to tell her, as she can keep an eye on her, as she was only 13 at the time. But i had it in the neck from Danica's mum for telling tales on her, and then when she asked her she said sorry to me. Her mum went mad as Danica tells me things, but keeps things from her, and she asked me to tell her if anything else important comes my way to inform her. But this woman is slightly mad

The position i am in now is slightly different; Danica spent the weekend with us, and as i was dying her hair, i asked was she using any precautions as she has been dating for 3 months. She said that she is on the pill, and also uses condoms. Even though my heart sank when she told me, i was delighted that she was taking care of herself, but still sad of the facts.

The problem is, do i tell her mum or not. Because her mother could find the pill anytime. And i will be discredited for knowing about it. As she has always hated the fact that i am closer to her daughter than she is, and turns and twists things around to suit herself, and forgets what is best for Danica.

First of all, the mother sounds like a bitch..

Anywho, I don't think you should tell her. You will probably ruin the freindship with your step-daughter. Danica obviously trusts you if she talks to you about what she has been doing, which is good. If you tell her mum, then the trust will be gone.

But, this is just my advice, it's totally up to you.

[buffygirl]

Hi Elise.

My first and only boyfreind..first love..I thought he was my world.. at the time he was, he accutally noticed me and looked beyond the girl, who had a lazy eye, glasses, along with slight stutter at times due to my hearing inpairment.... No one had ever bothered to look past that at school all the preety girls had boyfriends, At a disco i wanted to dance with a boy he was a freind.. he did but i got told afterwards that he was making faces to the onlookers.. that crushed me.. i kept thinking am i that ungly horrid to be near.. so i put up a front not to let anyone near me emotionally so i won't get hurt that way.. Then i leave xchool.. so eventually i meet Robert who was a bit older than me for some reason i let the guard down. yeah he was nice looking and treated me as a person not that ugly girl from school... after a while i started to notice things in what he said.. like a womans place is at home..if i spoke to another bloke he'd go mad " i mean just general politness as in hi" no flirting, he got controlling..in a weird way i got a bit of backbone and started to think this is not right i should be able to do and speak tyo whom i want.. at the end he was cheating on me...so that emotional wall went up again in my head i would never again trust or love anyone it was just me up agaist the world.

It was defentially about self image with me, once i started to see that and believe in my self, i'm as good as the next person my out looked changed, as i've got older i seem to get more male attention than ever before.

It took me a few years but in time i met freinds and leart to stop being cold towards people.. learnt to trust, i did meet a nice guy we got engaged i lived with him, but i decieded he was'nt the one for me.

Sorry, i've rambled enough about me this is surpposed to be about you.

There is a saying the first cut is the deepest for me thats true..and i might be wrong but i think it's the same for you.

As far as i can tell i think he's you first real boyfriend, and it's hard and lonely being on your own again " without a man", but i bet you've got a few girl freinds to go out and enjoy yourself with them.

.

Trust has to be earned and you will in time trust again, proberly be more cautious thats natural,

Go out be young and free enjoy yourself..who knows what's round the corner, in time you'll look back and think god i was better off with out him aswell as what the hell did i see in him, i an'nt missed nothing

[katya]

Emmadolly I don't think you should tell Danica's mother. You know that she is protecting herself, and from the sounds of it the mother will only use this information to her own advantage; either controlling Danica's life or turning her against you.

She told you in confidence and I think you should respect that.

[Frankie]

Emmadolly...what does Danica's Dad have to say in all this...does he know? Maybe you could decide together what to do....on the other hand as far as the law is concerned her GP did not have to tell her mother she was on the pill and is sexually active...so in a way you are under no obligation to tell her either. Danica has acted sensibly by having safe sex...maybe reinforce the safe sex and respect lectures and see how it goes.....and perhaps. encourage her to tell her mother herself would be the best option...I think from what you have said that telling her Mum would be more risky than telling her!