Ashirr-Leigh Posted January 23, 2007 Report Posted January 23, 2007 Is it not just because sooo many jokes start with 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' Still, it's not really that funny though!
SfanS Posted January 23, 2007 Report Posted January 23, 2007 I know one! Why did little Jimmy fall of his bike? Coz some one through a fridge at him!!!! Whenever my friends and i are, well, crazy, we tell those jokes...before wetting ourselves!
damo93 Posted January 23, 2007 Report Posted January 23, 2007 What do you get when you cross and egg with a sperm? An omlette you shouldnt eat
paulli75 Posted March 25, 2007 Report Posted March 25, 2007 One day a Catholic a Baptist and a Methodist decided to go fishing. They got in there boat and pushed there way over to the middle of the lake. The Catholic Said, ''I forgot my hat" so he got up, got out of the boat and walked across the water. He came back and the Baptist said, " I forgot the fishing bait" so he got up, got out of the boat and walked across the water. He came back and the Methodist said, " I forgot the beer" so he got up, got out of the boat he was standing in the water then he sank. About that time the Baptist said, "Do you think it's time to tell him were the stepping stones are?
paulli75 Posted March 25, 2007 Report Posted March 25, 2007 One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg." In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. "Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones. "God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!" "Amen," replied the congregation.
loobieloo Posted March 27, 2007 Report Posted March 27, 2007 Ok not a joke, but something funny that happened to me. Me and my friend were on our way to the library in our school to print some coursework off when we were passing a classroom with all our other friends in it, the wall of the classroom we were passing is an all glass one so we were strutting our stuff past them thinking we were gorgeous and waving, then i slipped on a crisp packet and went absolutely flying and took my friend with me HAHA! Never laughed so much but wanted to cry at the same time LMAO!
loobieloo Posted March 28, 2007 Report Posted March 28, 2007 Another funny one that happened today. I was on the bus with my friend going to town and i had a piece of fluf like hangling off my sock (it was a long piece of fluff lol) and at the back of the bus where theres like the four seats opposite we were sitting there and i put my foot up a little bit to pull the fluff off my sock but on its way up it touched her hand. she totally jumped and yelped cause she thought it was some sort of insect LMAO. and she whacked her foot on the seat opposite her haha. I think you had to be there.....
~Rosey~ Posted March 30, 2007 Report Posted March 30, 2007 Haha Lora, that sounds funny? You have double seets at the back ok the bus? Ours are at the front
bay girl Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 Here's some jokes that i just had emailed to me..... Marriage - Part I Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night .....whether you're here or not." (DAMN SHE'S GOOD!) *********************************** Marriage (Part II) Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever " "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last" (HE ASKED FOR IT!) Marriage (Part III) Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!" (YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!) Marriage (Part IV) A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four." ( RIGHT ON, LADY!) Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am" He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. 888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 Three football fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of he bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a deceased nude female. Out of respect and propriety, the Dockers fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Collingwood fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Eagles fan took off his cap and placed it over her map of Tassie. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his investigation. First he lifted up the Dockers cap, looked, replaced it and then wrote down a few notes. Next he lifted up the Collingwood cap, looked, replaced it and wrote down some more notes. Then he lifted up the Eagles cap, looked, replaced it, scratched his head. Lifted it again and looked, replaced it, thought for a minute then lifted it again, looked and finally replaced it before writing down some notes. The Eagles fan was getting a little upset and finally asked, 'What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?' 'Well,' said the officer, 'I am simply surprised, normally when I look under an Eagles cap I find an arsehole.....' 8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think, I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old." The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year old arse?" She replied, "Your name never came up."
jackandmarthaforever!! Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 ^ They made me laugh. Thanks for that.
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