Behind Closed Doors

[Traceve]

Ali, as I said in FYS, its about damm time you posted this fic here!

Anyways, you know what I think about it And I want you to start updating again on FSY soonish

[allibaz91]

Lol thanks Lilone - there is a conversation about why he left actually, I included that ages ago lol, don't worry! I pay attention to small details like that (cause I'm just that sad lol!)

Cheers lol Shan - I do indeed know what you think But I won't be able to update on FYS until my home computer is fixed - I'm posting here by copying and pasting FROM FYS lol, so I'll let you know when it's able to be updated again. And you'll be pleased to hear I have actually written more now lol!

Chapter 4

Peter’s head was more painful than it had been when he first woke up. He just couldn’t get his head around everything she was saying – Jack had been told he could have his liver? But surely, if the doctors knew he wasn’t really dead, they couldn’t do that? He lay back against the pillows again, exhausted. Thinking this much tired him out – something Clare was very quick to notice. She picked up his painkillers from the floor beside the bed and removed another two from the jar, and then she reached over and opened the fingers on his clenched hand. He looked up at her wearily, as she pressed the pills into his palm.

“Take these,” she said earnestly. “Really – I know you don’t believe me, but they’ll help.”

“If I take them will you finish answering my questions?” he shot back quickly.

“If answering your questions will convince you to get some rest, then I’ll tell you whatever you want to know,” she laughed, and sat back down. “So what else is there to ask?”

“Whose liver does Jack have?” Peter asked immediately. Clare bit her lip anxiously.

“Uh, Eve’s, actually,” she said nervously. Peter was stunned – she did not just say that!

“Eve’s?!” he repeated furiously. “Tell me you’re joking?”

“Sorry, no,” she sighed. “It was the only one available. But everyone’s convinced he has yours – the doctors even think it; Sam did that good a job of covering this thing up.”

“Why did he have to pick now to start being good at his job?” Peter muttered, almost to himself, but not quietly enough to escape Clare. She laughed aloud, which startled him. He hadn’t heard her laugh for months. He missed hearing it – it was like music to his ears.

“Search me,” she replied, smiling properly for the first time. “But my point is … look, it’s nothing serious. All I’m saying is, if we ever get out of here, then you’re going to have a lot of explaining to do as far as that goes. He won’t be too happy to know he has a piece of her inside him, and he might blame you, I don’t know. Just so you know in advance.”

“Right … and, you know, I’m sorry, that you got stuck with me after all this. I know this is probably the last place you want to be right now,” Peter said, avoiding her eye. He still felt so guilty for how he’d treated her – he loved her so much …

But apparently he’d gone and done it yet again, as, to his surprise, silent tears were now flowing down Clare’s cheeks. He reached out impulsively and pulled her into his arms again, whispering words of comfort in her ear. Why did he always seem to upset her, whenever he got near her? Yet more proof that he didn’t deserve her, he thought.

“Clare, I’m so sorry …” he said quietly, holding her tight. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, I feel rotten … come on, please, don’t cry, it’s all right …” She sat up straighter in his arms.

“Would you stop apologising?” she said, smiling weakly. “I told you, it’s not your fault.”

“Funny how every time I open my mouth I make you upset then, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not that … well, I mean, it is, but … I just would hate for you to think that about me. That I feel like I got stuck with you – like this is the last place I’d want to be. I could never feel that way. And stop looking at me like that!” she laughed, as he had obviously failed to disguise the look of disbelief that had just crossed his face.

“Clare, you don’t have to be so nice to me,” Peter told her. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Pete … I know you may not fully understand this yet, but I don’t hate you for what happened in the city. Really. I mean, I probably should, but … I have good reason to forgive you, and I’d much rather do that than hold onto a stupid grudge. Now would you please, just listen to what I’m saying? I don’t resent you for making me be here, because you didn’t. I could have walked away at any time, if I’d wanted. But I made a choice – and it was my choice to make. I wanted to stay with you; I wanted to be the one to be here when you woke up; to help you recover when you needed me. And there is nowhere else I would rather be right now than here.”

Peter looked into her eyes. She certainly seemed to mean what she said. And Clare was the worst liar he knew, at least when it came to him. She could lie to protect her job, on an undercover operation if necessary, but with him … he had always been able to suss her out pretty well. And she didn’t look as though she was trying to be nice – she seemed genuine. Now the only question was, why was she genuine? How could she forgive him?

“Clare …” he said, after several long minutes of silence. “How can you not hate me? How can you not want to, to scream at me, and throw things at me, and … why would you possibly want to be here with me now, after all the things I’ve done this past year?”

“Like I said, I have my reasons for forgiving you,” she said vaguely. “And that’s a story for another night. But you need to get some rest. You must be exhausted.”

“Not really,” he said truthfully. Ten minutes ago, he had been, but now he knew he would never get to sleep that night. He couldn’t – his head was buzzing with the thought of what she had said – she forgave him; she wanted to be near him; she didn’t hate him … how could she expect him to sleep after that? All he really wanted was to hold her in his arms; to tell her how much she still meant to him; how sorry he was for all he’d put her through; to make her see that he had never stopped loving her for one second. But it was far too soon for all that; he knew that much, at least. The last thing he wanted to do right now was to scare her off.

She smiled faintly into his eyes and stood up. He made to sit up higher, but she shook her head and shoved him lightly back against the pillows, smiling.

“Rest!” she told him, laughing. “God, you are the worst patient ever!”

“Sorry,” he apologized, smiling. “But you know I hate being confined to a bed. I need to be able to get up; to get around; to do things … I can’t stand it when I’m ill. Especially when I don’t even feel ill! I feel totally fine – I could go back to work, if they’d let me.”

“Which they won’t,” she said firmly. “More importantly, I won’t. And I’m in charge now.”

“So I can like it or lump it, is that what you’re saying?” he joked. Clare smiled again.

“No, you can like it or you can like it!” she laughed. “I’m not going to hang around trying to look after you if you’re going to go out of your way to make it difficult for me. You are going to be like an angel for me – you’ll be the ideal patient, or else, got it?”

“Some Florence Nightingale you are: threatening the poor, helpless, ailing patient!” Peter scoffed. “You have got some unique bedside manner and no mistake, you know that?”

“Well, get used to it, because until you’re completely better, you’re stuck with me.”

“I’m sure I’ll survive,” he replied, looking up at her. She smiled, and he was sure he caught a small pink tinge appearing on her cheeks, but it was hard to tell in the dark.

“I should let you get some rest,” she said, looking at the ground. “You need it.”

“I’ll try,” he said, “but I can’t promise I’ll actually be able to sleep.”

“Oh, I think you will,” she said, smiling sneakily. “Those tablets have the unfortunate side effect of making you sleepy. You’ve had two not long ago – they’ll knock you for six.”

“Oh, well that’s just fantastic, isn’t it? Thank you, very much, for that!”

“Doctor’s orders – you need plenty rest and no stress. And I’ve already violated that enough for tonight, thank you very much. So get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“You’ll be here when I wake up?” he asked, shifting to get comfortable. Clare nodded.

“I already told you – there’s nowhere else I would rather be. Goodnight.”

She leant over the bed and kissed him gently on the forehead. He looked at her, surprised.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she smiled, not seeming uncomfortable at all. He felt a thrill inside him at this – maybe he hadn’t gone and blown it after all. Maybe there was a chance.

“Goodnight, Clare,” he said, smiling. She grinned bashfully as backed away a little.

“Night, Peter,” she replied. She then walked across the room and opened the door. She glanced back at him, and shot him that killer smile that he had fallen in love with so long ago. She then left the room, pulling the door closed quietly behind her, and he fell back against his pillows once more, grinning uncontrollably. He had never expected her to even look at him again – unless it were to make sure her aim was accurate when throwing something his way – and now … it was almost as though she still cared for him too. With this satisfying thought in his mind, he closed his eyes, and fell into a deep sleep full of sweet dreams about the only woman he’d ever really loved.

[Lilone]

awwwww that is so cute.

:wub:

I love it

Please update soon

[swfc]

Wow, two brilliant chapters. What can I say? I'm wowed by it. I swear, Peter and Clare are meant to be together forever. Nothing can change it.

I'm actually seriously, speechless now. I loved the way you managed to capture the actions of Peter/Clare during the whole explanation bit. It all seemed very real. And, Clare forgiving Peter was just so sweet. She must really love him. I hope Peter doesn't hurt her again.

I can't even pick a favourite scene because they were all so amazingly written.

I can't wait to read the next chapter.

[Sarah_Lewis]

That was awesome !! =p cant wait for the next update

[allibaz91]

Lol aww thanks sooo much for all the lovely comments, guys!!

I agree swfc - they are meant to be together forever and ever, no arguments lol!

Anyway, the next chapter is a little shorter, but now my computer is fixed I should be able to update more regularly!

Chapter 5

As the sun crept up over the hills far in the distance, Peter found himself wakening up again. He must only have had about four or five hours’ worth of sleep. Those pills couldn’t have been as powerful as Clare thought. Clare – beautiful, incredible Clare, he thought to himself. He really was wide-awake now. Thinking of Clare brought him to his senses faster than having a bucket of water poured over his head. But – what was he doing? No matter how much she insisted that she didn’t hate him; that she had forgiven him; he knew that deep inside her, she must still be hurting. He had treated her so badly … and he hadn’t wanted to. The one thing he’d always wanted to avoid doing was hurting her, and that was the one thing he seemed to do more than anything else. He couldn’t justify caring for her this way – he had no right to be thinking of her in any way other than as a friend. Even that was more than he really deserved, he thought.

Maybe she had sensed that he was thinking about her – it wouldn’t surprise him; his mind was overflowing with thoughts of her – or maybe it was just a coincidence, but right then, he heard the sound of Clare’s light footfalls on the stairs. She pushed the door open and came in, and when she saw he was awake, she smiled warmly at him, making his heart leap. She came to his bedside and felt his forehead with the back of her hand.

“You’re warm,” she said concernedly. “I think you might be running a fever. Here – lie back, and rest, and I’ll go get you a glass of cool water and your tablets, okay?”

“You’re far too good to me,” he said, smiling faintly. She half-laughed.

“Well, I’m not exactly experienced in the nursemaid role, so I’m glad I’m getting at least something right. I’ll be right back.” Before he could say anything else, she left the room and went downstairs to play carrier pigeon for him.

When Clare came back, Peter was still lying in bed, as promised, and he sat up to see her properly. She looked even more beautiful in the pale sunlight that was streaming through the window than she had the night before, he thought, as she handed him two pills and the glass of water. He swallowed over his medication obediently and took a drink of water.

“Happy?” he asked, sitting the water on his bedside table. She smiled happily.

“For a few hours, yes,” she said cheekily. “Can I get you anything else? Anything to eat?”

“Oh, no, thanks,” he said. “You could do something for me, though, if you really want.”

“That’s what I’m here for. What do you need?”

“Tell me what you meant last night when you said you had your reasons for forgiving me.”

Clare made a frustrated sound, but couldn’t stop herself from smiling at the same time.

“I swear to God – you kept me up late talking, and you’ve only just woken up and you want to know more?! I’m going to end up spending the rest of my life answering you!”

“You said it was a story for another day,” Peter reminded her. “This is another day.”

“You are so manipulative,” she laughed. “Can’t you just be content with what you know?”

“Not a chance,” he smiled. “Come on, Clare, this is serious. I feel like I owe you the biggest apology for the way things ended in the city, but you won’t let me say it.”

“So why don’t you stop trying, then? Look, Pete, I know everything, okay? That’s why you don’t need to apologize – I already know why you left; why you didn’t tell me. And it’s all right. I was angry, at first, but … things change. And I understand, and I forgive you.”

“You know?” Peter asked her. “I mean, you know everything? The whole truth?”

“The whole truth,” she confirmed. “I know all about it – I know you never really wanted to be with Leah. And I know you came back for Eve, too – and I don’t blame you.”

“But, how?” Peter had to know – she knew him well, but nobody could have guessed that!

“Tracey told me.”

[swfc]

I agree swfc - they are meant to be together forever and ever, no arguments lol!

Agreed.

Tracey? Is she still alive? This is going to get really interesting.

Aw, they're too cute. And perfect. Period.

I'm definitely loving their interaction and how guilty Peter is feeling about what he did to Clare. Because in reality, that's what he should be feeling. Not going and hooking up with other random people.

Update soon. And yay that your PC's fixed.

[BritishFan]

Just read your fic and it is really good.

Can't wait for the next update.

WELL DONE.

[Lilone]

It's awesome I love it, I love the way how you keep bringing up old stuff and more emotions!

It's fab!

[allibaz91]

Thanks very much everyone - I really appreciate all the nice feedback

Chapter 6

“Tracey?!” Peter sat up in bed, and winced in pain. Why hadn’t he learned his lesson from last night? Don’t move unless absolutely necessary, he reminded himself.

“Yeah,” Clare said, looking as though she didn’t know whether to laugh at his facial expression or be concerned that he was in pain. “Just over a month ago, maybe.”

“But I don’t get it – how? I never told her that,” Peter protested, completely lost.

“Well, she figured it out, apparently. She said the first day she arrived in the Bay, she made some crack about me, and you got really defensive, and … I don’t know, she sussed that you had never really cared for Leah. And she already knew you were back for Eve.”

“I can’t believe it … why did she tell you? I mean, no offence, but she hated you.”

“None taken, believe me – the feeling was mutual. Oh, sorry – I know you were mates …”

“Yeah, and look where that’s got me,” Peter said scathingly. “Maybe I ought to have listened to you all those years ago when we met her; you always said there was something about her you didn’t like. I could have saved a lot of people a lot of hurt.”

“Hey, I didn’t trust Tracey, not as far as I could throw her – but I never would’ve guessed she would do something like that! I may not have been a fan, but … it wasn’t only you, you know. She had us all fooled.”

Peter looked away, sighing. He knew Clare was trying to make him feel better – but the truth was, she had seen long ago what he had been too blind to notice. Tracey had been unwell; there was something not quite right about her, and Clare had always said so. She was never wrong about anything else – why hadn’t he listened to her when she tried to tell him that Tracey was trouble? He should have had more sense – he wouldn’t be here now. But then again, he reminded himself, if he weren’t here, he might have lost Clare forever.

“Pete?” The sound of Clare’s sweet voice brought him back to reality – he had been lost in his thoughts. “What’s the matter?” she asked worriedly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he told her, attempting a smile. “I was just thinking about all the mistakes I’ve made over the last year … God, if I could take them all back … even just one.”

“Which one would you want to take back?” Clare asked him quietly. Peter smiled.

“Leaving you,” he said. “Going back to the Bay alone in the first place. If only I’d thought about it – if I’d told you what was going on … things could have been so different.”

“Well, I could’ve done a lot differently, too,” she said comfortingly. “When Tracey called me, I was this close to jumping in the car and coming after you. But I didn’t.”

“Why didn’t you?” he asked her. “I mean, I wouldn’t have deserved it, but if you were so close, then … what held you back? I would’ve loved to see you again – and, you know, you would’ve helped me see the truth about Tracey before it was too late.”

“Maybe,” she said. “But something stopped me. I guess, I knew that you hadn’t told me because you didn’t want me getting hurt again – like last time – and, I thought that coming after you now would make you angry. And if it didn’t, I figured that if we did manage to sort things out, it would only be another distraction from work. And if ever you needed to be concentrating on work, it was a month ago. I didn’t want to get in the way; pull your investigation down. I thought I’d be more hindrance than help.”

“I guess that’s why I never called,” Peter agreed. “I mean, I wanted to – and I thought about it, lots of times, but I had to finish this Eve business before anything else. It killed me to leave like that, but I couldn’t have lived with myself if you had been there with me at that wedding – what if you had been hurt, or killed, in the explosion? The only way was to make sure it was really over, and then I could turn my attention to my personal life.”

“Workaholic,” was all Clare said. He raised his eyebrows, and she laughed.

“You are,” she smiled. “I mean, I understand – and what you’re saying is sweet, in a weird sort of way. But life is about more than just working all the time.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said. “But it wasn’t all about work – it was about getting through work, so I could fix up my private life afterwards. I wasn’t obsessing with work – I wanted to protect you. It was always about you, Clare, about us. I thought you knew that.”

Clare looked into his eyes, and sat down, seeming nervous, on the edge of his bed.

“Please …” she said, and her voice was barely above a whisper. “Don’t do this to me now.”

“Sorry,” he said. He was lying to her again. He wasn’t sorry – not even a little bit. He had to let her know how he felt about her; she had to know that he still loved her. Even if she could never love him again – and he wouldn’t blame her – she had to know.

“Peter, I … I came here to look after you, and I stayed, because you’re important to me, and you know that. But right now, I can’t deal with what you’re saying.”

“I didn’t say anything,” he told her, trying to cover his mistake. Why was he such a fool? He had scared her again – he always did this. Every time things looked like they were going to work out, he put his foot in it, and they ended up right back at square one.

“But you were going to,” Clare said. She was right, of course, but he didn’t say so. “And, I hope you know that … I do want for things to go back to how they were between us. This isn’t me rejecting you, because I still care for you so much. But I have to be strong – for both of us – right now, and if I’m going to do that, then I can’t let myself get distracted, and I can’t risk getting hurt. We’re stuck here together for a long time. I just don’t think we ought to run the risk of jeopardising our friendship.”

He half-smiled. She was too smart for her own good sometimes – and he hated that.

“I know you’re right,” he said finally. “I know you are. And I wasn’t … I wasn’t trying anything on, you know, it wasn’t meant to look that way. All I was saying was that I didn’t leave because I wanted to. I left because I had to. I wanted you to know that.”

“I do know,” Clare said, and she smiled sincerely. “I do know. Thanks …”

She looked at the ground, her eyes tearing up again. She seemed to be doing a lot of crying these days – probably thanks to him, Peter reminded himself. He rubbed her cheek gently, trying to comfort her without overstepping the mark. She looked up at him, and their eyes met. For a long moment, neither one of them looked away.

Peter wanted to kiss her – he wanted to show her that he loved her more than ever. And, despite what she had just said, the look in her eyes said it all – she wanted the same. Should he risk it? Or would he totally undo all the progress they had made in the last twelve hours? But then again, she seemed to want it as much as he did – he could read her expression quite plainly. And if he didn’t do it now, he didn’t know when he was going to get up the courage to do it again. Would there ever be another moment so perfect? Or was this THE moment? All he knew was, he couldn’t stop feeling this way even if he tried, and it seemed neither could she. He had to know …