Still...

[Oxidizer]

Story Title: Still...

Type of Story: Oneshot

Genre: Angst

Characters: Tracey Thompson, Zoe McCallister

BTTB Rating: T

Warnings: V/D and Self-destructive

Spoilers: None

Summary: Tracey survived the explosion, and now it's time for... Zoe?

Inspired By: Still by Persephone [ download | lyrics ]

Still...

Lying on the dirty ground, unconscious, my eyes flutter open. Through blurred vision I slowly wake up. My head throbs and the ringing in my ears unbearable. I look around and all I see... orange. Flames dance on fallen beams and the broken glass from shattered windows is scattered all around me, reflected in each piece is the blood and flames of the wounded; the dying.

I'm lying on my stomach, faced down; I sense a deep cut or bruise to the left of my forehead. The heat... it burns. Searing.

Using all the strength I have left, I use my elbows to push myself up, my head and back ache from the blast; being thrown aside as Zoe and I dived to the ground... Zoe!

Alarms scream at me, ringing; deafening. I pick myself up as quickly as I can, flinching as pain resides over me. It hurts so much. I squint my eyes as the fire's light is so strong; blinding. Tears leak and my face is dampened. Not sure whether its from the smoke or... something else.

I turn around to see what's happening, I hear the screams from outside; most noticeably that of a girl. Inside, in here, with us, paramedics rush to help someone who's trapped beneath a fallen beam, a few people at their side; comforting.

Luckily they don't see me as I look down to my right. Oh, God. There she is. She's right there. I lean down to get a closer look; something I wish I could take back. Zoe's eyes pierce through mine; two glassy, perfect orbs of hazel. Fixed.

"Zoe?" I call, my voice a pounding echo; my ears still not adjusted to the sound.

I touch her, she's still. Tears begin to sting at my eyes, beckoning to be released, as realisation sets in. I don't want to believe it. I won't. No!

Falling to my knees, I hit the ground with a thump; flint and sharp pieces of broken wood stab into my legs.

I collapse to the floor and stare on blankly; much like Zoe is. I hesitate at first but touch her hand. The barn is searing from the heat, my hair moist from sweat; but her hands, Zoe's hands, they're so cold. The coldest thing in the room, other than her eyes. Those eyes. They're so... dead. No, not possible, not believing it. She wouldn't leave me. Not like this. Not yet.

"Zoe," my voice breaks, churned out as a whimper; a weak imitation of my former self. "Please wake up, I know you're tired, I am too, but you've got to give me a sign. Prove to me that I'm wrong, that you're not... that you're still alive. Please, I'm begging you!"

I squeeze her hand, so cold, hoping that she'd do the same; but she doesn't. Not even the slightest movement. As much as I hope and pray that it wasn't true, deep down, I know she's gone.

"Wake up!" I begin to cry. "I can't be without you."

This wasn't how it was supposed to end. I was meant to be with her. That's how we arranged it. What if she doesn't wait for me when I'm gone? Oh, God, my stomach churns at the thought of never seeing her again. I should've went with her; why didn't I die?

"Are you sure?" I ask as we sit on the hood of our car.

A few moments ago she was practically bouncing, excited about getting her long-overdue revenge; until a couple of minutes ago when we started talking.

Zoe tensifies, her shoulders arched. She gently climbs down from the car and takes a few steps across the grass; still moist from the rain that began to fall lightly. Her back facing me. "I'm sure. It's what I want."

It's what she wants. Then it's what I want.

I swallow hard as a way to push the sickening lump that rose to the back of my throat back down. Sliding off of the hood, I stand just inches behind her. "Whatever makes you happy."

She turns to face me, a rueful smile playing across her lips. "You do."

I smile back, completely bliss, as she circles round me, pulling the gag up over my mouth; I use my teeth to prevent it from falling out. Zoe tugs on it gently to give the illusion that its tighter than it is before walking me across the fields.

As we inch closer to the entrance of the barn, the lights that dangled in the windows, the pretty decorations, hell, even the music; it all fades away. A stream of tears roll down the side of my face as I know that once we're inside, there's no coming back.

Unable to cope, my tears begin to choke me; like a flood that's rising higher, I'm unable to breathe. Only when people usually drown there's an end, but not for me. There is no release.

I glance down at a sharp piece of wood, its split end jagged; somehow it seems like its calling my name, enticing me to take it. I do.

Leaning down, I clutch at it with shaky hands; hands that should be locked with Zoe's, but aren't.

Breathing harder to brace myself, I turn it around, so the jagged side is facing inward, towards me. Remembering Zoe's constant medical babble from back in the city, I draw it away from me, so that when the time comes, there'll be enough force behind it for the killer blow.

"I love you," I mutter as I take a final glance of Zoe; the last -and only- image of this world that I wish to take with me. She's everything I want; everything I need.

Aimed at my abdomen, skin that guards vital organs, I use all the strength that's left in me to do it; I thrust the broken wood into my stomach; screaming in pain as blood seeps from the corners of my mouth.

I fall to the ground, besides Zoe; the moment the soil and I meet, the wood jammed in further. Resisting the urge to open my eyes, I keep them closed. I'd be damned if I left without seeing her.

Moments of us in the city flash before me, I smile with a clenched jaw; I can no longer feel the pain, only her. She's with me, and in a few minutes, I'll be with her. I just hope she's waiting for me.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

END

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