Eli Posted June 17, 2007 Report Posted June 17, 2007 Thankyou, updating this one soon as well. This fic is coming to an end soon, only a few more chapters to go. Quote
I love music Posted June 25, 2007 Report Posted June 25, 2007 Then he just sat down, leaned back and let it all hit him with a surprising strength and power. That's a great line and I like that because of his shock and confusion Dalby couldn't remember the nurse's name. Don't forget tho to create the atmosphere of unreality that everyone feels in shock situations like that, eg "Dalby seemed to hear the nurse's voice coming from far away" or "The hospital was filled with the usual hospital routine. Vistors, patients, doctors and nurses, all busy with their lives while his own was falling apart". But it's a great line just the same! You carried me, When I fell. Can I carry you? Can I love that well? "Ready to charging to 120. Ready? Clear!" For the second time he charged, sending shockwaves of electricity through Cindy's scrawny body. That is so sad! Designated Dr. O'Hare put down the scalpel and shut off the beeping machine. "Time of death," he sighed, checking his watch, "5.54 PM." But you were warned about killing off Cindy! I now have a plane ticket for Norway and will track you down... Great chapter, Eli! Quote
Eli Posted June 25, 2007 Report Posted June 25, 2007 Haha! I'll hide in my house and get Dalby to guard my door, after all he learned violence from the master But seriously, thanks! Again I think you're my last loyal reader. It's my own fault, I know... I have NOT been good at updating. I agree with you on the hospital scene. I wrote it like six times, but I couldn't help feeling that it was just one big soap opera cliché (I'm hung up on avoiding clichés, ask anyone I have ever read and commented for, online or in real life...) so I decided to tone it down a little. But I really like the sentence you wrote "The hospital was filled with the usual hospital routine. Vistors, patients, doctors and nurses, all busy with their lives while his own was falling apart" It's a really good one! Also, funny fact: The song actually was the season why I started writing this fic. Through the process of writing I kind of just waited for this chapter to come, as this (and one more detail yet to come) gave me the idea for this fic. I heard this song, and somehow it moved me a few months ago. Don't ask why, it's not even one of my favourite songs, but somehow I got the idea og Cindy and Dalby when I heard this song and read the lyrics. And from that I started building everything and creating the story. To be honest I only had two things I was writing from, this song and the detail yet to come. Everything else I pretty much made up along the way, I just used the song and the detail to kind of keep the story how I got my first impulse, as the first impulse often seems to be the best one Quote
I love music Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 Eli, that was probably one of the best - if not the best - chapter in this fic. It was exceptionally well written and I love the way you got right into Pia Correlli's mind and empathised with her even over the smallest detail. Very professionally done! ps I don't get how you can have writers' block when "all you've done is writing". And I'm very jealous of you working as a journalist! Quote
Eli Posted July 10, 2007 Report Posted July 10, 2007 First of all, thanks I'm glad you like it. Personally I don't think this is my favourite chapter. Or to be honest this is one of the least planned chapters. I've kind of had decided from the beginning (even before I started writing this) how it should end, and this chapter is actually kind of a fill-in between two planned chapters. As my most loyal reader you might have noticed that this isn't the first time I mention Pia Corelli. She was on the show for a few weeks in 2004, and she dated Jesse. I really liked her, but we never got an explanation to what happened to her, so I usually use her in my fics. She's my cop Well, I guess writer's block might not be that best way to describe it. But I've been working pretty much six hours every day, writing. It's totally different writing for a newspaper cause I always get a topic and a specific case to cover. Here's it's pretty much up to me what happens. So I haven't really felt like sitting down and start writing after twisting my mind for words and typing like crazy for several hours But now I'm on vacation, so I think I'll be able to complete this fic by the end of my vacation. Quote
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