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Never Let You Go

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Warning: insanely long chapter coming up!!!!!!! Plus extremely cr@p chapter. Yek. Anyways...

Chapter 20

“Belle,” sobbed Matilda. She held on to Geoff tightly, letting her tears flow freely and form a dark wet patch on his shirt. “How…how could…Belle!”

Geoff sighed and held her closer. His eyes were brimming with hot, stinging tears as well. Belle had always been a bit of a big sister figure to him and Annie, especially lately, after Drew and Dom had left town. Annie had been inconsolable. In fact, the beach house was not a happy place anymore. Somehow, it didn’t seem the same, without Belle milling around the kitchen in her bikini top and board shorts, making sarcastic comments and texting Matilda & Cassie. “It’s OK, Mattie,” he murmured, just to say something. Of course it wasn’t. It was a stupid thing to say.

“No it’s not,” Matilda’s muffled voice cried into his shoulder. She pulled back and looked at Geoff with her arms still around her neck, her eyes red and squinty from crying, her nose red and her hair tangled. She looked beautiful, to him. “Geoff did you ever…ever…”

“What?” Geoff asked, rubbing his hands up and down her back.

“Did you ever…have a – a crush on Belle?”

Geoff looked astonished. “Matilda, is now the time to be – ”

“I just want to know,” she said, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

“No,” Geoff said, shaking his head and looking perplexed. “She was always like a sister, Mattie, I never felt that way for her.” Uncomfortably, he remembered sneaking glances at her in her bikini, chopping up vegetables in the kitchen. But that was as far as his admiration went. He spoke softer and rested his chin on the top of Matilda’s head. “It was always you, Mattie.”

Matilda wiped her eyes and looked up at him, smiling gently. ”Thank you,” she whispered. She brought her lips up gently to his. Maybe it was happening. Maybe she was finally falling in love with Geoff Campbell. But as she held him in his arms, she didn’t feel love – at least the kind of love that you felt for your boyfriend. She felt an undescribable comfort, warmth, happiness – but not romance. She felt the strongest friendship she would ever have – the strongest support that would ever hold her up.

***

Julie-Ann stood in front of Miles, Sally, Alf, Amanda, Rachel and Seamus in the Summer Bay House. She looked pale, wan and drawn, and her blue eyes looked bigger and shinier than ever. She hadn’t smiled since her sister had slipped away before her eyes. She hadn’t laughed. But now, she did smile – just a little. It was a smile that showed strength, ability to carry on, through the grief.

“I wanted to talk to you about something very important,” she said. She cleared her throat and looked at her two foster parents, who had arrived just this morning, the day after Belle had gone. How could she tell them that she wanted to leave them – them who had taken care of her, loved her, when her real parents had abandoned her?

“Go on,” Amanda said. She and Julie-Ann had become closer in the past day.

“I…now that Belle’s gone,” Julie-Ann went on, looking down at the ground then up at the roof, “I want to stay in Summer Bay, here.”

There were six gasps.

“I want to spend time in the city with Rachel & Seamus & Mum as well,” she said hurriedly. Tears formed in Rachel Finnigan’s eyes as she heard her baby calling another woman Mum.

“But I want to stay here, for now.”

Nobody said anything.

“Maybe we could work out some arrangement?” Julie-Ann continued. “School holidays in the city, and weekends every now and then…it’s not like I’m abandoing any of you…”

“This is a huge step, love,” Alf said gruffly. “It’s great you want to stay here, but what do yer parents think about it?”

Julie-Ann looked slightly confused. Which set of parents was he talking about?

Alf winked as he realised what she was saying. “All of ’em,” he said.

“This is a huge step, honey,” Amanda said. “Are you sure that this is really what you want?”

Julie-Ann nodded her head. “It is. I want to go to Summer Bay High, I want to…I want to be here, where Belle was,” she finished. She looked down. Yet more tears were brimming. She could see Amanda dash a hand across her eyes as well. It seemed that the whole of Summer Bay had been crying these past days.

Julie-Ann looked to her Irish foster parents, and addressed them. “What do you think…Dad?” she asked softly.

“I think…I think it’s her decision,” Seamus said, looking sad, and putting an arm around his wife’s shoulders. “We’ll be sorry to lose you, Julie, but, if it’s what you really want, then I think she should stay. As long as you visit us.”

Julie-Ann smiled. “Thank you…Dad.” Seamus grinned.

Suddenly Rachel Finnigan was crying. Her tears flowed down her face. “I…I agree, Julie, just…don’t forget us…”

***

“Hello?”

Roman knocked on Rachel’s door. He stood there, nervous. He couldn’t believe he was about to do this. The door opened and Rachel, looking a little pale, grinned at the sight of him.

“Roman!” she said enthusiastically. “I thought you’d never come.” She kissed him on the cheek. It was obvious she was very happy to see him. Without planning it, he bent down and placed his lips over hers. She was only too happy to respond, putting one arm around his neck. It had a sad poignancy in it for Roman – it was probably the last kiss he and Rachel would ever have. And she had been great. How could he have been such an idiot?

“You okay?” he asked concernedly.

“Yes, I’m fine!” she giggled. “It’s so good to be out of the hospital, finally…”

“Tony brought you back then?” he asked.

“Yeah, it was really good of him, him and Kristee.” Rachel’s insides squirmed as she thought of Tony & Kristee, who were still going strong. The sadness over Belle departing seemed to have made them even stronger. With a smile she turned her thoughts and face back to Roman. “Anyway, come in, it’s a cold night out there…”

Roman walked inside, and sat down on a couch. “Rachel…I’ve got something to tell you,” he said. Just do it, he told himself.

“Um, okay,” she said, sitting down on the couch next to him and looking into his eyes. “Is everything all right?” she asked, suddenly worried.

“Well…not really,” he said uncomfortably. “In fact, pretty soon, you’re going to hate me.”

“I am?” she asked, confused.

“Yep,” Roman said, resignedly. He decided to get it over with. “Has Martha…told you anything about me?”

Rachel looked shocked. That felt like a long, long time ago. “Yeah…she said something about you cheating on me with a pole dancer or something stupid.” Rachel laughed. “Of course I told her it wasn’t true.”

“Well,” Roman said, not looking at Rachel and fiddling with the belt holding up his jeans, “it kind of was.”

He did raise his eyes to Rachel then as he heard a loud gasp. Her hands were clapped to her mouth and she looked shocked, horrified, disappointed, let down. He felt like killing himself on the spot, but restrained the urge. “I’m so sorry, Rachel…”

He prepared himself for an outburst. Instead, Rachel removed her hands from her face, took a deep breath, and said, quite rationally and calmly, “Who? Tell me everything, Roman, I have a right to know.”

Of course she did. “Of course you do.”

Briefly, he told her about Sam, the club, everything. “I’ve broken it off with Sam now,” he said. “The night she went to prison I went and told her it was completely over.”

“Good,” Rachel said. She was still extremely calm. “What about the club?”

“I’ve given it up,” Roman said. Suddenly, feelings that had been holed up inside him for ages seemed to come pouring up, and he couldn’t stop them. His face contorted and he took a deep breath to try and tame the struggling emotions.

“What is it?” Rachel asked.

“Rachel…I feel so dirty…so horrible…how could I have done that, me, who took my place in decent society, who people looked up to, who people respected…I’m foul, Rachel!”

Rachel instantly forgot about Sam and the pole dancing. Her psychologist instincts kicked in. “Roman, it’s OK, you’ve ended it, it’s all over, and you’re not dirty and horrible and foul, Roman, those people respected you for the real you, the wonderful, kind, funny man that you are, my boyfriend!” She put a hand on his hand.

Roman looked at her, shocked. “How can you? How can you try and comfort me after what I’ve done to you?”

“I know that wasn’t the real you, Roman.” Rachel was amazed at how calm she herself was feeling. She could feel something that was most definitely not calm underneath it all, but no way was she letting it show.

“Anyway, I’ve come to break it off with you,” Roman said.

Rachel just looked at him.

“I’m going to the city to get counselling, start a new life. If I end up relatively normal again, then I’ll come back to Summer Bay, start my life here once more.”

“I think…I think that’s a good idea, Roman,” Rachel said. Her eyes were starting to brim over with tears, and her voice sounded husky and thick.

Roman pulled her into one last hug, then got up and left her.

Silence.

Rachel sat on the sofa for a few seconds, then started crying uncontrollably, sliding to the ground, her curls bouncing, struggling for breath.

***

Martha knocked on the door of Jack’s house gently. “Hello?” she called.

Jack got up and opened the door. “Hey.” His face broke into a sad grin as he saw her.

With a little impulse Martha threw her arms around him and hugged him, burying her face in his shoulder, pressing him to her. Jack rubbed her back. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” he asked gently.

Martha pulled away, her arms still around him. “I’m just…” And suddenly they connected. They were close together. Martha’s voice died away and she just stared up at Jack, almost drugged from the proximity to him. Jack didn’t open his arms and let her go – they stood there. Martha looked down and broke the spell. A little flustered, she tugged on the back of her ponytail and let go of him.

She could feel a blush starting up from her neck and moving up her face. “I just thought you might want someone to talk to,” she said quietly, sitting down on the sofa with a thump.

“Um…yeah…” Jack said slowly. He seemed a little dazed. Trying to snap out of it, he said, rather too suddenly, “So it’s sad about Belle, isn’t it?”

“Incredibly,” Martha said, drawing her knees up to her chin. “Me and Belle were never very close but – I don’t know – Summer Bay doesn’t seem the same without her.”

“It doesn’t,” said Jack. He sat down next to her. “But something good came out of it.”

Martha dashed away some tears that were starting to appear. “What?” she asked disbelievingly.

“I worked out something,” Jack said. He turned and looked at Martha, and smiled at her beauty. Thank God Martha had come around now, otherwise he would have lost the courage for what he was about to do. And it felt right – incredibly right.

“Yeah?” Martha asked, sniffling.

“That…you never know what’s going to happen…you never know whether today will be your last day on earth. There’s no way of knowing that and – and so we should make the best of now.”

He was speaking very quietly now and they were looking into each other’s eyes again.

“What do you mean?” Martha whispered, seeing the answer in his dark eyes.

“I mean that…Martha, this morning, I woke up, and I thought about Belle, and I thought about how a new life was just starting for her. Her sister had finally come to Summer Bay. And it all ended, just like that. No one knew it was going to happen. And I thought that if, today, I don’t tell you how I feel, then the same thing might happen to you and…you’d never know Martha.”

“Know what?” she whispered, her heart beat quickening and goosebumps erupting on her skin.

“How much I love you,” Jack replied softly. “And how sorry I am for everything – for rejecting you after that kiss – for messing you around so much and then going straight back to Sam – for all the lies, and all the disbelief, and all the confusion. And how much I want to be with you again.”

“But…isn’t this wrong?” Martha said, a little louder. “Sam has only been in jail a week and a half, and just like that, you want to…” Reason was fighting a winning battle with love in her head, but she didn’t know how long she could hold it up.

“I didn’t love Sam,” Jack said, raising his voice as well. “Martha, she was a murderer, she was a drug dealer, she cheated on me, she was a pole dancer. I wish I had never got involved with her…Martha, I loved you, the whole time I was with her, it was all a lie!”

Martha’s breathing quickened, and the tears in her eyes overflowed. She smiled through them at Jack and took his hands. “Jack, I love you too, I’ve never loved anyone as much as I’ve loved you…”

“Then what are we waiting for?” Jack said urgently. “Martha, I want to set my life right!”

“But…we can’t tell anyone,” Martha said decisively, looking down at her and Jack’s interlaced fingers. “Not for a while. Everyone’s grieving for Belle. They don’t need the dramas of us two on them again.”

“You’re scared of what they’ll think of us, aren’t you?” Jack asked. “You think they’ll hate us for getting back together so soon after Sam leaving.”

Martha nodded and smiled a little. “Yes. But we’ll tell them when we feel ready, Jack.”

“Yeah. We will,” Jack said with a grin. Martha’s smile widened as well and she laughed as Jack pulled her close to him.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“We’re just so pathetic!” she giggled, laughing and crying at the same time. “Back together again, cheating on other people, breaking up…it just has never gone right for us, has it?”

“Well it’s going to now!” he said, nuzzling her neck.

“Unless you start being an idiot again,” she teased gently.

“What? An idiot? I was never an idiot!” Jack said indignantly. Martha pulled away and looked at him with one raised eyebrow until he cracked up and raised his hands, saying, “OK, maybe I was, but it’s all ended now.”

Martha screamed happily as Jack grabbed her under the arms, stood up and swung her up to her waist, where she wrapped her legs around him and giggled. Lifting up her chin with his hand, he kissed her – a passionate, deep, loving kiss. Martha murmured against his lips: “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mac.”

Chapter 21: Hmmm, I might be mean and not tell you anything about chapter 21!

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