Because You Loved Me

[beckyboo]

I did it all on my own

Thanks to Rach who ONLY proofed it

It had been three hours since Martha had arrived, and she and Jack had spoken no more than two words to each other. Jack could no longer take the silence as the anger built up inside

“This is all your fault” Jack said all of sudden

“Excuse me” Martha replied stunned

“This situation it’s your fault” Jack said

Martha just sat there and looked at him

“How exactly is this my fault Jack” she said.

But Jack couldn’t answer her.

………………………………………………………………………

The foster parents were also sitting their anxiously awaiting any news; they had just been approved to adopt Lewis, so they too were praying that the little boy would pull through.

Liz Wilson came through the hospital corridor when she saw both couples sitting in the waiting area and awaiting news on baby Lewis.

“Mr and Mrs Holden, why are you here?” Liz asked them

“Excuse me” Martha and Jack both said in unison

“Well its confusing me as to why you’re here after you signed over the papers to have him adopted” Liz said

“Oh, and because I signed some papers im not allowed to see if he lives or not; im still his mother you no, I have every right to be here” She sobbed

“No you gave up the right the day you signed him over to us” the foster mother spoke.

Martha cried uncontrollably, Jack hated seeing her like this and just ran over to her and wrapped her up in an embrace; holding her closely while she sobbed.

“I still love him” she whispered so only she could hear it; she had surprised herself.

………………………………………………………………………………………

“Who’s here awaiting news on Lewis Holden?” asked the doctor

“We are” Both couples said at the same time

“Ok who is responsible for him” the doctor asked

“We are” the foster parents replied

“Hey wait a minute, were his Parents” Jack spoke

“Well technically the foster parents are responsible for him now” Liz said as the foster parents walked away with the doctor.

“I want to see my son” Jack said angrily to the social worker

Reluctantly turning to him, she saw the sadness in his eyes, “Fine I’ll get Mr and Mrs Sullivan to leave” Liz said

“Thank you” Jack said “are you going to come in with me” he asked Martha

“Sure” she said

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Martha and Jack were just looking at Lewis through the incubator and praying he would be ok, when a doctor came in and interrupted their thoughts.

“Mr and Mrs Sullivan” the doctor asked

“No, were Mr and Mrs Holden, Lewis Parents” Jack said

“Oh ok then well I guess I can tell you” the doctor began “the next 24 hours are critical, but I don’t see why he wont make a speedy recovery after that” he added.

“Thank you so much” Jack said.

Martha was secretly relived that her baby boy was going to be ok.

“I best go; I only wanted to make sure he was ok” she said as she went to leave

“Wait, don’t go, stay” Jack pleaded with her

“Jack don’t” she said

“Just tell Liz you’ve changed your mind, please don’t do this, we’ve been given a second chance Martha don’t waste it!” Jack said

“I can’t, I have to go” and with that Martha left the room.

Preview whats Martha news?

[beckyboo]

Okay so Tasha your probs going to hate me now!!!!

everyone the Tasha in this is Tasha off here she insisted on ebing init with Hugh!!!!!!!

Thanks to Rach for proofing.

Martha was back at Rachel’s apartment with Ava; all she could think about was Lewis, could she really love him after all this?

Rachel came in and noticed that Martha seemed pre occupied with something, and decided to find out what it was.

………………………………………………………………………………..

Jack was still at the hospital with Lewis, he was wondering where to go from here. He couldn’t let these people take Lewis home, not after everything that’s happened, he wanted to be involved in Lewis life with or without Martha.

…………………………………………………………………………..

Martha had just finished explaining to Rachel how she was having all these feelings about Lewis and second thoughts about the adoption, but she felt as if she couldn’t destroy the adoptive parent’s happiness.

“Martha you have to think about what’s more important” Rach said

“What do you mean?” Martha asked her

“Well it’s simple, your happiness or theirs” Rachel said bluntly

“But…but there is no way I can change my mind now, I mean I’ve signed the papers” Martha said regrettable “Oh my god, Rach what have I done” she started to cry

“Hey its ok, we will work something out” Rachel said hugging her.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Jack was just sitting in the room with Lewis waiting for the Sullivan’s to come and take him home, when he felt a person standing next to him.

“Martha what are you doing here” he asked her

“Well I’ve been thinking…well the thing is….Jack, I love him and I’ve changed my mind and I want him back….I want us to be a family; just the 4 of us” she sighed

“What are you serious” Jack said grinning from ear to ear

“Deadly” she said capturing his lips in hers.

They were interrupted by Tasha and Hugh Sullivan.

“Sorry to break this up, but we just spoke to the doctor and they said he can go home, so were not going to wait; were taking him home now” Tasha spoke

“Oh he’s going home alright…with us” Martha said “look im sorry, but I realised that I do love him and I can’t lose him” she added

“But you can’t do that….you signed the papers” Hugh spoke up

“Well I technically I didn’t sign the adoption papers I only signed the fostering papers” Martha said

“Look “Tasha said as she was placing Lewis in the baby carrier

“Were going home, you will have to speak to Liz about all of this” she spoke and left the hospital with Lewis.

“Great, now what” Martha said sadly

“Well, now we go down the corridor and speak to Liz” Jack said simply and gave her a reassuring smile.

……………………………………………………………….

Martha and Jack were sitting in the office with Liz; she was trying to convince the foster parents to bring Lewis in.

“Ok you two there being very un co-operative so I will have to inform the police” Liz said

“No need im a cop” Jack said “I’ll go” he added

…………………………………………………………………………..

Jack was now outside the house with Peter.

“Right you take the back Pete, I’ll take the front” Jack said

“Ok cool” Peter said

Jack and Peter got out of the car and walked around the front and back of the house.

Jack gave a knock on the door.

Hugh came to the door…

“Yes Mr Holden can I help you” he asked him uninterested

“Im here an official police business, so could you hand Lewis Anthony Holden to me please” he said in authority

“What! Why?” Tasha said coming to the door,

“Because my wife and I changed our minds” he said

“Fine” Hugh said reluctantly

Tasha came to the door with Lewis in her arms and reluctantly passed him to his father.

“Hey there little man” Jack said smiling down at his little boy. “Let’s go see mummy hey” he added,

……………………………………………………………………………………

Martha was sitting at home waiting for Jack to return with Lewis, well, that’s if the Sullivan’s actually gave him up, they were pretty adamant he wasn’t going anywhere. Martha was awakened from her thoughts as she heard the crying of a baby in the distance.

“Come on Martha, im sure Jack will call when he gets him” she though “It can’t be Lewis” she continued to ponder

Jack was walking towards the house with Lewis crying in his arms, he was either missing his mummy or needed feeding.

Martha was unpacking her clothes from when she had stayed at Rachel’s, when the crying got louder

“Martha!” Jack shouted as he walked in the house

Martha walked out of her bedroom and saw Lewis in Jacks arms; she rushed forwards to greet them.

She took him off Jack and held him tightly to her chest; kissing his little face

He immediately stopped crying. “I guess he missed his mummy” he thought

“Im going to love you so much, no woman is ever going to be good enough for you” she said with a smile

Jack just looked at Martha when she looked up at him.

“Thank you, I love you” she said

“Hey don’t worry, what kind of husband would I be if I didn’t do things like this for you” he laughed “Oh, and I love you too!” he added

Preview? There all very happy now......................Will someones life be in danger!!!!!!!!

[beckyboo]

Your all going to hate me

But no as much as i hate myself :(

Thanks to Rach for proofing it.

Martha and Lewis were in the kitchen making Jack a cup off coffee before he headed off to work.

“Hello, good morning” Rach said as she walked through the door.

“Hey, what you doing here this early” Martha said

“Well I wanted to see my gorgeous nephew” she beamed happily

“Ok there’s more too it than that” Martha said

“Ok do you promise not to tell Jack or anyone” Rach said

“Ok I promise not to tell a soul” Martha said excitedly

“Well ok. Im pregnant” Rach said

“What” Martha said

“I said im pregnant” Rach repeated

“Yer I know what you said but Rach your 17” Martha exclaimed

“And” Rach said

“Well it’s a huge responsibility” Martha spoke

“I know I can do this, you were my age when you had Ava” she said

“Your right im in full mum mode” Martha laughed

“Well get out of it, but Luc wants to tell Jack himself” Rach said

…………………………………………………………………………

Rach was playing with Lewis in the living room with Ava.

Martha was getting ready as was Jack, Martha had a bad feeling about today but she had no idea why.

Martha was sitting at the dressing table doing her make up when jack came up behind her and started planting kisses on her neck.

“Jack stop it the doors open” Martha said

Jack stopped and walked over to the door and shut it

“That problems solved” he said

“Well then Mr. Holden that’s an offer I cant refuse but we have to be quiet” she giggled

30 minutes later

“Man im late” Jack said getting dressed

“Well my sister is going to want answers as to why we have been in here so long”.

“Well just tell her you ummm had to find something to wear” Jack said simply

Jack and Martha both came out grinning to each other

“What took you so long” Rach said “Oh don’t even bother telling me” she said after witnessing the grins on both their faces.

“Well baby iv got to go so ill talk to you later love you” he said to Martha giving her a kiss and then kissing Ava and Lewis “Ah hell I’ll give you one too Rach” he said kissing Rachel’s forehead

“Gee thanks I feel so special” she laughed sarcastically

…………………………………………………………………….

Martha walked into the kitchen as Jack walked out the front door but she has a sickly feeling and a sudden urge to run after Jack so she did.

“Rach watch the kid’s ill be 2 secs” she said running for the door.

Martha ran out the house and seen Jack waiting to cross the road she was relived he was ok; she went to walk back inside the house when she heard a screeching noise coming from round the corner and a bang. She slowly turned around and there was Jack, her Jack lying in the road. He’d been hit by the car that had now disappeared just as quickly as it had come in the street.

She screamed his name as she ran towards him.

He was just lying their staring at the blue sky when he could hear Martha running towards him and screaming his name.

When she had reached him she slowly picked his head up and cradled him telling him it would all be ok.

………………………………………………………………

They had been waiting on the ambulance now for around 5minutes when Jack was beginning to become weaker

“No Jack open your eyes and don’t leave me” she sobbed

“Im sorry baby I love you” he said as he began to close his eyes

”Jack you cant leave us, you just cant, I promised Rach I wouldt tell you but I have to it will make you want to fight, your going to be an uncle, Lucs gonna be a dad and he will need advice and you need to be here to give him it, so if you go and die on us your being selfish” Martha said.

It was too late

Jack had closed his eyes for the very last time.

Martha just held him and sobbed until the ambulance came for him.

They had arrived at the hospital. Rach was at home with the kids and Martha was now sitting in a room with Jack before he was going to the morge she was saying her final goodbyes to him.

“I just want to say thank you for making me come to my senses about Lewis, at least now I have a part of you forever and Ava well she’s going to be devastated but ill be strong for them this is my time for crying Jack, but once I leave here I will be the strong Martha that you fell in love with” Martha said sobbing and holding his hand “ I love you Jack Holden” she said as she kissed him one last time and left the room she was surprised to see Lucas there.

He had his arms already open and waiting for her, she just broke down in the middle of the corridor and slumped to the floor screaming Jacks name.

Preview? Martha tells Ava.

[beckyboo]

Thanks to Rach for Proofing!!!!!!

Martha was silent the entire trip home; she was thinking about how the hell she was going to tell a 3 year old that her daddy was dead, and that she would never see him again.

Lucas slowed down as they came to the house. The area was corded off with police tape; Peter stood there alone, mourning the loss of his work colleague and best friend. Martha walked straight passed it and into the house, Lucas stopped to talk to Peter.

“How’s she holding up” Peter asked Luc

“Not at all good” Luc sighed sadly

Martha walked into the house to where Rachel was with Lewis and Sally.

“Martha are you ok” Sally asked her worriedly

“Im fine” she said “Where’s Ava” she added

“She’s in her room playing” Rachel said

“Does she no” Martha asked

“No, I could tell her if you wanted” Rachel offered

“Thanks Rach, but I think I best do it” She said and walked off towards Ava’s bedroom.

…………………………………………………………….

Ava was sitting on the bed watching Hi five on DVD, when Martha appeared at the door.

“Mummy come in and watch hi five with me” She said happily

Martha sat down and pulled Ava on to her lap.

“Ava I need to tell you something” Martha said

Ava looked at her mummy and paused the DVD

“Ok shoot” Ava said

Martha just smiled; she got that from Jack.

“Well you no how some people have to go to heaven before others” she started

“Yes mummy, mummy you’re not going to die are you” she said getting upset

“Of course not sweetie. But this morning there was an accident, and your daddy was involved in it. What im trying to say Ava, is that daddy’s gone to heaven baby” Martha said

Rachel and Sally were sitting in the living room when they heard Ava’s voice

“NO! He’s not mummy don’t lie to me” Ava said starting to cry hysterically

Martha just held her until she eventually cried herself to sleep.

…………………………………………………………….

Martha came out of the room; Sally had left earlier, taking Lewis with her for the night. Luc had gone to inform people that didn’t no, and now Rachel and Martha were the only ones left in the house.

“I’ll put the kettle on” Martha said, putting on a brave face as she did so.

She was standing in the kitchen and Jack’s shirt was sitting on the back of a chair. She picked it up and started to cry into it as Rachel came in and comforted her.

“I just can’t believe he’s gone” she said

“I no, but it will get easier” Rach said

“Oh come on, how the hell can I get over this” Martha said

“You will for your children’s sakes” Rachel replied

……………………………………………………………………….

Martha was lying in bed hugging Jacks pillow close to her and silently sobbing.

She couldn’t believe that he was gone, he was their with her that same morning when they had slept together, and now he’s gone forever.

The next day

Tony was on his way home from the city Luc had told him the night before but he had refused to believe it that his son was dead, he woke up that morning knowing he had to be their for Martha and the children, so made the decsion to come back to the bay.

Martha had not slept at all that night. Every time she closed her eyes all she could hear was the screeching of the tyres and images of Jack lying their in her arms dieing.

She new that she had to start planning the funeral, but she couldn’t, she didn’t want to, that would be acknowledging that he was dead. And then it would be final and all over.

“What about the flowers what type” Rach asked her

“Any” she replied uninterested

There was a knock at the door; Rachel got up to answer it.

“Tony hey” she said

“Hey Rach, is Martha here” he asked

“Yeah she’s in there” he said pointing towards the kitchen.

“Thanks” he said

“Hiya love” Tony said

Martha turned around and stood up; throwing her arms around Tony. Together they sobbed their hearts out.

……………………………………………………….

“Its not fair Tony, we’ve just gotten Lewis back, and now this happens and ruins everything” she cried

“Martha listen to me, I know this is going to be hard, but you have to stay strong, you need to be there for the children. And then me and Rachel and Luc and everyone else in this town, will be there for the three of you” Tony told her

“But I cant, I can’t do any of this without him, I just can’t” she sobbed again

Tony just held her; unable to find the right words to say to her.

“Mummy” Ava said walking in the room. “What’s wrong with mummy granddad Tony?” she asked him.

“I’m fine Ava” Martha said

“Mummy, I’m going to give you a hug” Ava said running up to Martha and throwing her arms around her neck. “I love you mummy” Ava added.

Preview… Funeral

[beckyboo]

Right people this is the last chapter!!!!!!!

Thanks to Rach for being my proofie for this last chapter!!!!!!!!!

There will most probly be a follow up to this fic

Enjoy or not

Martha and Ava were sitting in the car; they were on their way to pick up the flowers for the funeral that was later on that day.

“Hello may I help you” the woman asked her

“Yes, I would like 11 real red roses and 1 fake red rose please” Martha explained

“Ok” the lady replied

“Look mummy, I like that white flower” Ava said pointing towards a lily

“Would you like to take that for daddy” She said

“Yes please” Ava said sadly

“Oh what a lovely choice little one, your daddy will be very happy with that choice” The lady said.

“It’s not as if he can see it. My daddy died so this is to say goodbye to him” Ava said sadly

The lady looked at Martha, “oh my, im so sorry” the lady said shuffling on her feet uncomfortablely.

…………………………………………………………………………………

The time had arrived to say goodbye, but Martha refused to leave him, holding onto his cold hand as he lay in the coffin.

“Martha, come on please” Rach said trying to move her

“I can’t leave him Rach, I won’t” she sobbed holding on to his hand.

“Miss, its time. You must leave now, im sorry” the undertaker said

“Hey back off mate, she’s my sister I’ll deal with her” Rach said

“Rach, please 5 more minutes alone. Please” she sobbed

Ava walked in clutching the lily that she had bought for Jack

“Mummy, Lewis wants you, he’s crying” Ava said

Martha looked at Ava; her once bright brown eyes losing all there sparkle and replaced with sadness.

“Ok im coming sweetheart” Martha said and started to make her way towards Ava.

Ava linked her fingers with Martha’s as they walked out to collect Lewis from Lucas.

Martha held Lewis closely, and had tight hold of Ava’s hand as they made there way towards the funeral cars.

They all got into the cars and set off for the church.

…………………………………………………………………………

Once inside the church Martha was sitting next to Tony; she had Ava on one side and Lewis in her arms.

Martha had her arm around Ava as she sobbed silently; the tears free flowing down her face.

The priest spoke on about how Jack loved his wife and children eternally, and adored his family and friends!

“I would now like to invite Ava up with her uncle Luc, to say a few words about her daddy” the priest said

Ava walked up with Luc clutching to her white lily and her piece of paper.

Daddy

If There Are Teddy Bears in Heaven

Will You Send One Just For Me

So I Can Hold It Close To My Heart

Where You Will Always Be

I Will Take It to My Bed Each Night

As The Angels Tuck Me In

I Will Feel Your Love Surround Me

And Know That You Are Holding Me

In Your Arms Once Again

You Always Said “I Was Your Heart”

That Thought Will Help Me Through

I Will Always Remember

My Precious Daddy

After Ava had finished her poem everyone was sobbing; Ava who was also sobbing walked over the coffin, placing her white lily next to the picture of Jack, Martha, Ava and Lewis, which had been taken just a few hours before he had died. She ran towards her mummy who swept her up; Ava continued to sob into Martha’s neck.

It was Martha’s turn to go up and say something, but she somehow couldn’t move.

“Come on” she heard as she turned around to see Rachel holding her hand and giving her a reassuring smile.

Martha got up and began to say her poem for Jack:

My Precious Love

Sometimes I tell myself, that you’re not really gone.

I feel you’re tender touch and no longer feel alone.

I see us walking hand in hand like we use to do.

It’s hard for me to accept.....

That your life on earth is through.

There were so many dreams we had not yet fulfilled,

All The hopes of a future that we were going to build.

All our friends and family have been so very kind,

They try hard to ease my broken heart

And my troubled mind.

But how can my heart be mended,

When it has broken in two?

Part of my heart is still on earth,

The other part left with you.

It is hard to see tomorrow,

When I can’t accept today,

Because the “Love of My Life”

Has been taken away.

I will always miss you, Sweetheart,

Time will not erase the pain,

All the raw emotions of losing you,

Words will never explain.

I will cling to the warm feelings

You brought into my life,

Maybe somehow it will ease my confusion

And emotional strife.

Someday we will be rejoined in Heaven up above,

But while I’m still on earth I will cherish

Every memory of our precious love.

Somehow those precious memories

Will have to carry me through,

Until the time comes for us to walk hand in hand

For an eternity...... together.......me and you.

Martha wanted to break down several times during the poem, but she new Ava couldn’t see her like that, so she carried on.

Reaching the end of the poem she could no longer hold in her emotion, as she rushed back to her seat and just held Ava close, her and Lewis were her world now, and she had to be strong for them, no matter how hard it would be.

It was now Tonys turn:

Precious Son

I Can’t Tell You Jacky

How Many Tears I’ve Cried

Since The Day I Was Told

My Precious Son Had Died

It Seems Impossible

Although I Know It’s True

Because Everything I See

Reminds Me Of You

I Still Hear Your Laughter

See The Smile On Your Face

I Would Have Lost My Sanity

If Not For God’s Saving Grace

I Have To Close This Now

But This Is Not Good-bye

For You Will Forever Walk Softly

In My Heart And In My Mind

Lucas’ turn had now come around, but he wasn’t so sure he could do this. After mentally preparing himself for it, he stood up, realising that his big brother would only think he was a total wuss if he didn’t.

“Here goes” Lucas began:

A Brother Just Like You

I just want to let you know

You mean the world to me

Only a heart as dear as yours

Would give so unselfishly

The many things you’ve done

All the times that you were there

Help me know deep inside

How much you really care

Even though I might not say

I appreciate all you do

Richly blessed is how I feel

Having a Brother just like you

…………………………………………………………………………….

Martha was sitting in the church with Ava everyone was starting to leave the church and go down to the graveside but Martha just couldt move.

“Mummy don’t you want to give daddy the flowers” she said pointing to the dozen red roses lying next to them on the floor.

Martha stood up with Ava and picked up the flowers and then picked Ava up and started to follow everyone out of the church and down to the graveside where the priest was committing Jacks body to the ground:

“Ashes to Ashes dust to dust” the priest said as they lowered the coffin into the ground.

Everyone started to throw red roses into the coffin Martha threw her 12 red roses in and said “I will love you until the last rose die Jack Holden”

Everyone had left the graveside the only three people left sitting down by the side of it was Martha, Ava and Lewis.

“Yano what Jack them roses that I threw in I meant what I said I will love you until the last one dies but ya see the last one will never die because its fake, 11 will die and 1 wont, so my love for you will never die never” she said sadly.

“Daddy, mummy misses you so very much but so do I, Lewis wont be able to remember you so im going to tell him all about the fab daddy you were to me” Ava said

“Remember Jack im everything I am today all Because you loved me” and with that Martha stood up and her and the children walked away.

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