Lustre Posted November 3, 2008 Report Posted November 3, 2008 Warning part of this chapter is darker than the others and was difficult to write thats why it took me awhile to update. Having never been in this situation myself my interpretation may be way off I hope I dont offened anyone with the way I've written it. Oh and italics are memories. Chapter 19 The first time she’d gone to therapy she hadn’t been able to explain how she felt so her therapist had suggested she use colours, at the time it seemed stupid but 3 years later that’s how she still described her moods. Yellow was when the pill dosage was too high, everything was fluffy, a bit blurry and she did things she wouldn’t usually do. She smiled as the memory of kissing Aden’s cheek that first day flashed through her mind, yellow wasn’t really so bad. Green was when she was having a good day, not too blurry or gray it was when she was in control, she could handle the darkness on those days. She’d come to think of the days when they really got her meds wrong as brown, dark stodgy brown, she was angry one second and apathetic the next, she also usually ended up with a sore throat from all the shouting she did at people on those days. But that was nowhere near as bad as the colourless days, she used to think of them as black, but black could be lightened, add some white and you got gray, that she could handle. No these were completely devoid of colour, with yellow and brown she could blame it on miss dosage, but those days she couldn’t blame anyone but herself. She was proud to say she hadn’t had one in awhile, since the last time she’d been in the clinic in fact. Those days were the reason she was sent here in the first place, she didn’t want to do it, she just couldn’t help herself. The idea to do it would flitter through her mind, sometimes that would be it and she would think no more of it, but on the colourless days that idea would grow into desire, heart wrenching desire that she couldn’t deny. It was all a game of odds really, what were the odds of it being both a colourless day and have the idea to kill ones self come to the forefront of the mind, so far it was two. And somehow she had been unsuccessful both times. She still remembers them vividly. The first wasn’t even that memorable, she’d merely knocked back a bottle of painkiller, the most important aspect of that event had been her age, and the colour, it was the particularly bright shade of pink that had stopped people from realising the truth. Of course it was a mistake she was just a silly twelve year old girl who had mistaken the sickly pink liquid for something sweet to drink. Maybe things would have been different if they had known what was really going on in her pre-teen mind. Sometimes she wondered if this was why she had made her second attempt so violent, so memorable. She could still remember the smell, kind of rusty and salty all in one it made her stomach churn just thinking about it. Belle grimaced as memories of that day flashed before her minds eye, they were blurry and some of them she’d been told weren’t even real, weren’t possible because she’d passed out, but she was sure they were real. The carpet was unbearably white, in fact everything in this new room was. She hated it, she needed colour, needed something to focus on to stop her dwelling too much on her own thoughts. She knew something wasn’t right with her, she could feel it in every part of her being. Everything seemed wrong, everything. She watched as the red liquid dripped slowly down her wrist and over her hand, she felt the release it gave her as stinging pain took over her thoughts. It dripped steadily onto the perfect white softness of the carpet marring the offending shade of white with its deep red tones. She slowly moved the cracked and splintered mirror along the creamy skin of her other arm. The flow quickened as she brought her arms together. Her mind blurred as she became aware of voices outside her door and then the knocking began. She could hear her foster mother’s shouts and was vaguely aware of somebody leaning over her. “She’s done it” She heard her whisper and she agreed silently with the formless voice, she’d done it and the last thing she thought was that the day wasn’t so colourless anymore it was a deep but bright shade of red. “Ms Taylor?” A voice broke through her memories. “Ms Taylor?” It repeated. “Am I boring you?” The older man demanded frustration marring his features. “No sir.” She replied though she had no idea what he had been explaining, she didn’t see why they were being forced to take HSC prep classes anyway. “Do you not understand my question?” He asked. “Could you repeat it please?” She requested guiltily, as she noticed Mattie staring at her in confusion. “Belle you okay?” Mattie whispered to her best friend as she watched her shake her head as if to rid her of her own thoughts. “Yeah I'm great.” Belle replied honestly and she was, because as screwed up as she’d been she was different now, she had amazing friends who she loved and who loved her and she had Aden, what ever they were right now. They wanted her around and she wanted to be there for them, she wanted to live. Thinking of Aden and the situation they were in she resolved to fix their mess once and for all. She missed him. Standing as the class ended she began to file out of the room with the others stopping when she reached Aden’s desk. “We need to talk!” She told him. Smiling the blond took her hand leading her from the room.
xknomex Posted November 3, 2008 Report Posted November 3, 2008 You cant leave it there!!!! I want to know what they talk about. Poor Belle in the flashback. Update soon xxx
LAURZY! Posted November 3, 2008 Report Posted November 3, 2008 Awww poor Belle Really glad Belle and Aden are gonna talk, hopefully they'll be blissfully happy at the end of it Great update
H&A_diehard Posted November 4, 2008 Report Posted November 4, 2008 I don't know if I've commented on this or not, I can't remember, if not, I meant to. Anyway, assuming I haven't, this fic is really interesting. The good thing about having to catch up on chapters was not having to wait for updates, now I'm dying for the next update. Anyway, I felt really sorry for Belle, I'd hate to be in that desperate a state.
Lustre Posted November 5, 2008 Report Posted November 5, 2008 The banners not very good it's something I made when I was having trouble writing some of this, I'm not positive I'm even ment to put it here so if anyone objects I'll take it down. This chapter is short because i didnt think it would be good to drag it out too much, hope you enjoy. Chapter 20 Silence engulfed the room as Aden shut the door behind them he smiled as he watched Belle get comfortable on his bed as she’d done so many times before, he wanted this to go well, needed it to in fact. He wasn’t as stupid as Nicole had repeatedly told him since she’d started talking again three days ago, he knew what Belle was angry at him about, it wasn’t the first time people had assumed the wrong thing about his and Nics relationship. At the time his best friend, his sister had needed his help, he’d never intended to hurt Belle with his actions but he’d never been good at multi tasking and this time it had blown up in his face. Now he was going to fix it. Sitting down opposite her he opened his mouth but faltered as the words he’d been running over and over in his head for days failed him. The sides of Belles mouth twitched into an almost smile as she watched Aden attempt to form a coherent sentence, it was nice to know that she wasn’t the only one struggling with this situation. “Maybe I should start?” She asked her voice unsure. He smiled gratefully back at her before motioning for her to continue but silence descended once again as she found herself faltering also. “I'm crazy,” She burst out suddenly continuing quickly before he could interrupt. “You know that, and I don’t mean regular old clinic crazy I mean just generally insane, Aden I don’t do this whole…” She paused motioning between the two of them. “Relationship thing. But I really like what we have, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and then Nicole showed up…” She didn’t get to continue as Aden suddenly found his voice. “Belle you have to understand she’s my best friend there’s nothing else between us, if there was it would be like incest which even with my low moral standards I frown upon.” He explained eliciting a quiet laugh from the brunette sitting across from him. “I’ve just never seen her like that and I needed to help her, I guess I became pretty single minded about it. I never meant to hurt you, never.” He tried to explain. “I know that’s my point.” She told him. “I know you weren’t trying to hurt me I even kinda knew that she was your sister, she is your foster sister right?” She asked but didn’t give him a chance to reply. “Aden I think I'm scared. You make me feel so different to how I’ve ever felt before and I’ve barely known you for four months it scared me. I’ve been a lot of things in my life; angry, sad, confused god am I ever confused but never scared.” She told him a frown forming on her face as she dropped her eyes focusing on her hands resting in her lap. “Belle,” Aden started reaching for her hands wrapping his large ones around them. “You think this doesn’t scare me? I'm 17, I'm in a clinic because I tried to kill my father and I'm so far past being in like with you that I’m in an entirely different place, a new place that’s terrifying, Belle I didn’t grow up with a happy family that showed me how to deal with these feelings either.” “Nicole was an excuse,” she replied. “I don’t want to have to have an excuse to distance myself from you.” “Then don’t. I don’t really know what I'm doing here anymore than you do.” He responded simply. “But I know that the last couple of days have sucked without you, you make this place bearable.” Belle smiled at his words pulling him closer to her, smiling back at her he shifted sitting beside her and wrapping his arm around her sighing in contentment she rested her head on his shoulder. “So we’re okay?” She asked to which he merely leaned down kissing her gently. “Does this mean you’re my boyfriend?” She asked half jokingly. “Yeah it does.” He laughed back hugging her closer both of them enjoying their close proximity.
Taniya_K Posted November 5, 2008 Report Posted November 5, 2008 I'm so far past being in like with you that I’m in an entirely different place, a new place that’s terrifying That bit was just so AOL! I'm so glad they've made up! I hate it when they fight! They belong together!! Cannot wait for more now! xoxo
LAURZY! Posted November 5, 2008 Report Posted November 5, 2008 The whole thing was so cute! I'm glad they had that chat Great update, looking forward to reading more
Lise Posted November 6, 2008 Report Posted November 6, 2008 That was...beautiful! Seriously beautiful!
xknomex Posted November 6, 2008 Report Posted November 6, 2008 Yay!!!! They're back together That was a really cute scene AOL Update soon xxx
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