Dying To Be Alive

[jenlee]

Thanks guys. Did nobody get the quote? Oh well.

Things are better writing wise, so the next update shouldn't be too far away

[Lise]

I did pick up on some quote but I just went back through it and can't find it.

Can't wait for the next update!

[jenlee]

Merry Christmas (possibly belated) to you all. Keep the comments coming, they help This is a slightly longer chapter. Also the flashback in this chapter is from my favourite Adelle scene so please give me feedback on it, I really hope I did it justice.

PART FIVE

8.35am

Belle looked at Nicole in surprise. This was not what she had expected. An apology for not telling her about Aden being back, sure. But apologising for this? Apologising for the words that ended their friendship? Taking responsibility for it even? Not even close to what Belle had expected.

And what was she supposed to say? Forget about it? It’s in the past? Apology accepted? Ha! Not likely. Belle had been missing Nicole’s friendship that morning but that didn’t mean she was ready to forget and forgive. Again, not even close.

Well now that’s not true and you know it, Belle silently scolded herself. Had Nicole come to her yesterday with the same apology Belle may very well have accepted it. Aden’s return changed that. Now, upon receiving a glimpse of Aden, Belle couldn’t even look at Nicole without her old anger and hurt at her old friend flaring up again.

Apparently Aden’s return didn’t just mean the opening of the “Aden box”. It also meant a flash of other memories from sixteen months ago that didn’t directly involve him.

Memories that she could not discuss or accept apologies for today. Not today when she was minutes away from opening that particular box. Minutes away from sorting through the memories and events that had put her in the mess she was in today.

“Please don‘t Nicole,” Belle said in a fed up voice. “Not today.”

Nicole frowned. “If not today then when?”

Belle snorted and ignored how completely unladylike it was. “How about a year and a half ago.”

There was a moments pause before Nicole replied. “Is this because I didn’t tell anyone that Aden was back?” Nicole asked.

“No, it’s just because Aden is back and especially because he came back today,” Belle said. “Of all days to come back, he chose today? As if it isn’t hard enough for me as it is, he has to come back, looking totally relaxed and happy with life. Looking like he doesn’t have a care in the world except maybe a bit of pity for the tragic girl he left behind. Making everything I’m going through a million times worse due to the anger and - and … ” Belle trailed off, hating the desperation in her voice.

She sat silently, ignoring the untruth of what she had just said. Aden didn’t look happy. There had been no pity in Aden’s eyes. Only remorse, regret and a touch of shame. Though she considered all of those to add up to guilt rather than concern, Belle couldn’t stop the same quick memory from when she had first seen Aden from flashing into her mind, because whether she wanted to admit it or not, the eyes were the same.

Flashback

Angelo was a nice enough guy. A lot nicer than a lot of guys she had met in her years. He was charming, funny, good-looking. Basically everything a girl should be looking for in a potential boyfriend. Everything Belle should be looking for in a potential boyfriend.

But he wasn’t Aden and that was the problem.

The countless mood swings, his temper and the calling her a Skank made Aden into everything Belle shouldn’t be looking for in potential boyfriend. But he was all she wanted.

She had told Mattie that it was just a bit of fun. That had changed at some stage. She didn’t know when, or how but it had defiantly changed. And quickly.

“Hey girlie,” Irene said, giving her a cheerful pat on the back. “How’d your date go?”

Belle sighed tiredly. “Oh Angelo’s nice,” she paused, unsure if telling Irene what had happened was a good idea but deciding to just go with it. “It was going alright till Aden showed up.” She hated lying to Irene but she didn’t want to admit aloud that even before Aden had shown up things weren’t going great, at least on her part. It was hard for a first date to go well when all you could think about was your ex.

It was Irene’s turn to sigh, though hers was in obvious frustration. “Don’t you let that boy mess you around you hear me? Next time he gives you grief tell him where to get off,” she paused for a breath. “And if that doesn’t work, whistle for me and I’ll give him a gob full he won’t forget in a hurry.”

“Thank you Irene,” Belle began with a small smile as Irene began to turn towards some tables, “I don’t think that’s gonna help.”

Irene scoffed as she turned completely, ready to walk off. She stopped almost immediately but Belle’s attention was no longer focused on her.

Aden had just walked in and Belle knew, the moment she looked into his eyes, that she would hear him out. There was something there she wouldn’t be able to say no to. It wasn’t the guilt, or the unhappiness. It was the utter desperation that filled his blue eyes as he looked at her.

“Aw my God, speak of he Devil,” Irene said, turning back to her. Belle quickly pulled her eyes away from Aden’s and looked at Irene. “Do you want me to handle this?” Irene asked, jabbing a thumb in Aden’s direction.

“No, no, it’s o.k.” Belle said quickly, getting out of her seat and walking towards Aden. She stopped, roughly a metre in front of him and waited. She would hear him out. She may very well forgive him. But she wasn’t going to make it easy.

Aden stepped towards her. “Belle, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you should be,” Belle replied, practically interrupting his apology. He needed to know how he had made her feel, starting with the interruption of her date. “You embarrassed me, you made a fool of yourself. How dare you come into my date and ju-”

“Belle, Belle.” Aden cut in.

“What?” She snapped glaring at him. He looked away for a second and fidgeted on his feat before looking back at her.

“What I mean is I’m sorry for the way I treated you.” He paused a moment and Belle felt her stomach twist painfully at the memory of what he had called her. “I am. K, that stuff I said … it was awful and none of it was true.” He looked away and back again and Belle felt the glare she was directing at him leave her face. “If you never wanted to speak to me again, I’d understand.”

Belle searched his eyes as he stood in front of her, arms crossed and eyes displaying everything he was feeling. She knew he truly meant what he was saying and, though she was still angry and hurt, knew she would forgive him. “You’re a real idiot, you know that?”

His eyes quickly flashed to the floor and back again. “Yeah, I do.”

She could hear in his voice and see in his eyes just how loaded that statement was. Both were filled with regret and … and hurt. Belle didn’t understand why he was hurting, but he was. He was hurting, just as she was.

End Flashback

Nicole shifted awkwardly beside her, pulling Belle out of her memory. Well I suppose that’s a start on the box, Belle though to herself, hating the pain in her stomach. Aden had been hurting all those years ago just as much, no, more, than Belle had been. It had been half an hour later that she had found out why and they had both succumbed to the tears that had been threatening them both during most of the night.

But that meant nothing now. Just because the look in his eyes had been the same didn’t mean a thing. Of course Aden may very well still be hurting, as she was. But he wasn’t regretful. He didn’t care that he had hurt her.

“I know it probably won’t make any difference,” Nicole began cautiously, “but Aden’s reappearance has nothing to do with today.”

Belle raised a sceptical eyebrow and said nothing. Why Aden was back wasn’t an issue right then. He was back and that was enough.

“Anyway,” Nicole continued, “perhaps if I come back in a month or two and try again you might accept my apology?”

Belle stayed silent. Most days she couldn’t think an hour or two into the future let alone a month or two and at that very moment she was too busy dreading a minute into the future let alone an hour.

“Just forget about it for a while,” she said with a sigh.

“Can I at least apologise for not telling any of you that Aden was back?” Nicole asked.

Belle sighed again, beginning to get a little exasperated. Aden being back may not have been apart of the memories she so badly didn’t want to talk about, but it was defiantly in the list of things to avoid if possible. But, considering her conversation with Nicole so far, it obviously wasn’t entirely possible.

“No,” she said after a few seconds. “You could try, but it would be pointless.”

“But I-”

“If you’re so desperate to apologise about it,” Belle began, “take it to someone else. Irene or Roman. Neither of them will be too pleased at having to cover my shift today. Or Annie. She seems to be the one I take my anger out on these days. Or even Geoff. He tried really hard to cheer me up this morning but all his effort basically went to waste.”

“Geoff’s already had a go at me,” Nicole said bitterly. “I’m not going to go crawling back to apologise after the way he yelled at me about it.”

Belle stared at Nicole for a full minute, pleased to have the conversation turned away from her, before responding. “Perhaps you could apologise to him about something else then.”

Nicole’s only response was to glare at Belle.

“I’m serious,” Belle continued. “He has no idea what he did to make you dump him. In fact he doesn’t thing he has done anything wrong. He thinks you are hiding something from him.”

“I don’t see how any of this is your business,” Nicole snapped.

Belle smirked. It wasn’t her business, not really. But if she could get the conversation away from her for a few minutes longer then the happier she would be. It would also put off opening that dreaded box.

“Maybe not,” Belle said. “But Geoff deserves some kind of explanation.”

Nicole huffed and stood up. “I came hear to apologise and make sure you were alright, not hear about Geoff and his thought on why I broke up with him.”

“And I came here for some peace and to be away from anything Aden related,” Belle retorted.

They two girls stared each other down for a few moments before Nicole huffed again. Belle could tell she had finally had enough of playing nice.

“Fine,” Nicole snapped. “At least I tried. Don’t expect anymore apologies out of me for a while.”

Belle watched as her old friend turned on her heel, making her way down the deserted beach. Pushing her windblown hair out of her face, she tried to figure out what to do now. She didn’t want to think about anything her and Nicole had talked about. She would eventually but it wasn’t quite number one on her list.

Number one was, of course, the box. But sorting that out couldn’t happen here. Not anymore. Nicole was hardly one for keeping things to herself, especially if she was in a pissy mood. Belle figured she was best to leave her spot on the beach in favour for somewhere no one knew she would be.

A clap of thunder sounded in the distance as Belle stood and she flinched at the volume of it. Being caught in the oncoming storm didn’t worry her but she had never been a huge fan of thunder.

Making her way down the beach, Belle found herself getting worked up at the possibility of running into Aden. Here eyes scanned the grass at the edge of the sand and the beach ahead of her, still not relaxing when she saw no other sign of life.

Walking past a slightly larger dune a dark lump in the sand caught her wary eyes. Pausing, Belle tried to make out exactly what it was she was staring at. Not a moment later she began sprinting towards the familiar blonde hair.

[LAURZY!]

Loved the flashback!! you did it really really well!

Loved Belle and Nicoles convo

I want the blonde to be Aden, but it could be Nicole or Geoff too! so i'm not gonna get my hopes up yet

Brill update once again

[jenlee]

Thanks LAURZY, I'm glad you enjoyed it. You will find out in the next chapter who the mysterious blonde is lol, though some may figure it out

[Taniya_K]

I loved that flashback! And I love how you worked it in too. Brilliant!

I think that the blonde is Amanda, but that's just a random guess. Hope I'm right...?

Cannot wait for more. There are so many questions here and they're all so intriguing!

Merry Christmas to you too.

xoxo

[Lise]

That was great! The flashback was brillant. I love that scene, too.

I'm with Taniya, I think the blonde might be Amanda.

Hope you had a good Christmas.

[wrongturntaken]

That was amazing as always!!!!!!

I loved the flashback and the thoughts you put in to Belle's head, I loved reading it just as much as i love watching it (it's one of my favourites too)! Huge credit to your writing!

In fact i love how you get inside Belle's head in all of the chapters and show us completely how she's feeling with out telling us exactly why!

All these questions still...

Please update soon! I can't wait! :

[KaiyaBlake]

wow this is great

i wonder what happened between them all that time ago!?

i think the person might be nicole maybe collapsed, or you could have gone for an even more obvious one and done Aden hhaha.

Great Chapter.. More soon pleaseee?

[jenlee]

That was amazing as always!!!!!!

I loved the flashback and the thoughts you put in to Belle's head, I loved reading it just as much as i love watching it (it's one of my favourites too)! Huge credit to your writing!

In fact i love how you get inside Belle's head in all of the chapters and show us completely how she's feeling with out telling us exactly why!

Thanks so much, you comment really means a lot.

And thanks everyone else too I loved writing that flashback lol. Watching the scene then analyzing everything that was going on and coming up with my own version of what Belle was thinkingwas awesome. New chapter should (hopefully) be up tomorrow night. I am begining a new fic for another fandom that I haven't written for before and I'm really nervous as to how that will go but I won't be giving up on this one...promise