How Does It Feel

[Slade]

I never thought Jack was that bad with Kirsty at the police station. I actually think he’s been far worse with other people. The person that surprised me was Lara. During the interview she seemed unusually…smug.

It’s interesting how you’ve decided to change things slightly from the show. For starters Charlie and Roman were one of the couples I wanted to work out but didn't, mainly because I never thought he was in love her (remember his expression when he was pretending to be asleep and she said she thought she was in love with him before going off to the kitchen to get desert). Again Jack and Roman were never really friends mainly because of Martha. So that’s good considering the fact that I hated the way he was constantly pining after her even though she was so in love with Jack.

Anyway back to Kirsty:

It had been a great evening. They had been drinking wine, talking, laughing and having a good time. Kirsty learned a lot about the girls and she told them about her life.

You see I often wonder what a conversation like that would be like. I find it really hard to picture her telling anyone about the stuff with Kane and Dani, how she fell in love with him and her family’s resistance to their relationship. In particular it must be difficult explaining how they absconded and remained on the run for three years (although admittedly she told Annie and Geoff but that was more a heat of the moment sort of thing).

Speaking of Kirsty’s family I know it’s early days but will they be putting in an appearance at some point?

And I totally agree with Red Ranger regarding Kane’s thoughts. I can remember way back in 2003 in an attempt to pacify Rhys, Flynn was trying to get Kirsty to talk Kane into revealing his past abuse so at least they could understand what went wrong.

[I love music]

Any chance of an update on this? The story was getting really intriguing, particularly the Kane scenes.

[Kris10na]

Sorry, sorry, sorry! I know I haven't updated in ages, I just couldn't find time. The last weeks of school were extremely busy and when the holiday started I worked everyday and then I went on holiday and didn't have internet and came back on Thursday night. The (hopefully )good news are that I have an update, but the bad news are I'm going away again tomorrow, again with no internet for two weeks. However, I will write a bit when I'm away and then the story will continue in two weeks And thanks for the great comments, they are really appreciated even though it might not seem that way

Slade: I know Jack wasn't really that bad with Kirsty I just remembered Kirsty's "don't thouch me" comments to him and the way she said that. I might have exaggerated that because I never was a big fan of Jack

I know it's more or less a "fill-in" chapter, but here it is:

Chapter 6

The clouds were as a cover upon Summer Bay that morning when Kirsty was on her way to Martha’s once again. This time to say goodbye. However it was not goodbye forever, it was goodbye and see you soon as Martha was going to visit Morag in the city before she started her cancer treatment.

As Kirsty arrived at the house Colleen, Jack, Roman and Charlie were standing outside as well as Rachel and Tony. Martha and Alf came out of the house. Alf was carrying one suitcase in each hand; he was coming with Martha to the city. Just as they approached the others, Martha spotted Kirsty and waved at her. The other turned around to look at her and Kirsty smiled at them.

Then it was time to say goodbye. Alf made his way to the car as Martha told them how much she was going to miss them all. She kissed Jack one last time, got in the car and with a last wave she was gone.

Kirsty had a chat to Rachel and Leah. They were going to look for wedding dresses and so they were very excited. Kirsty followed Charlie as she made her way to work. Then she went to see Irene. Hopefully she would be home so that they could sort things out. Kirsty really wanted to apologise for the way she had spoken to her. She knew she had to because she had really missed chatting to Irene about what was on her mind lately.

...

Irene wasn’t in the living room as Kirsty came into the house. Then there was some noise from the stairs and Irene came down, carrying a big suitcase. Kirsty must have looked like she was in some kind of shock because as soon as Irene noticed her she sat down the suitcase and approached her.

“Are you all right darl?” she asked concerned.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kirsty said. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Yeah, I’m going to the city for a couple of days. Roman and I are looking for some new suppliers and I’m gonna meet up with some in the next couple of days.”

She picked up her keys and her phone.

“It’s only for a couple of days love!” she continued when Kirsty didn’t say anything.

“I know,” Kirsty said. “It’s just that I’d hoped we could talk things through and…” her voice died.

“There’ll be lots of time for talking when I get home,” Irene reassured her. “Oh, and by the way,” she continued. “Would you mind dropping by the house once or twice while I’m away. I know Belle will look after Geoff and Annie; I’m more concerned about the state of the house. You know what they’re like; they hate to clean up after themselves.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll do that,” Kirsty nodded.

With a kiss on Kirsty’s cheek, a “goodbye” and a “see ya” she was gone.

...

Kirsty wasn’t going to work today because the teachers and Mr. Bartlett were going on a conference and the school would be closed. She therefore decided to deliver this week’s rent at the Caravan Park House. Hopefully Miles would be gone already.

Her wish didn’t come true as she was almost run down by Miles walking backwards and forwards in the kitchen.

“Ah, just the person I wanted to see,” he said enthusiastically.

In between putting on his belt, tie his tie and his shoe laces, he asked Kirsty to stay in the house to look after Jai while he was away at the conference. While tying his shoe laces he finally sat down.

“You know how Jai hurt his ankle and everything. You and Ollie can stay in Ric and Mattie’s old room. Please,” he added, smiling angelically.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll stay here,” Kirsty agreed.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Miles said. “When I come back we can even talk about you and Ollie moving in permanently,” he smiled.

“I don’t know Miles,” Kirsty said.

“I see, well you think about it,” he said. He started walking again, giving Kirsty instructions as he did so.

“There’s food in the fridge and in the freezer. There’s some money over there…”

His voice faded as he went to get his bag by the stairs.

“There are clean towels in the bathroom and Jai will help you finding bedclothes.”

Jai came jumping in on his crutches.

“At your service!” he said and smiled.

“Jai, I need you to be kind to Kirsty…” Miles began.

“I always am,” Jai said.

“She and Ollie will stay here the next couple of days and look after you,” Miles said.

“Great!” Jai smiled. “We can have another computer lesson.”

Kirsty nodded and grinned back at him. Miles endless walking around in the first floor had turned into jogging. He was picking up things from around the house, putting them in his bag.

“Have any of you seen my wallet?” he said with his head under the sofa.

“This one you mean?” Jai asked, holding Miles’ wallet in his hand.

“Thanks Jai,”

Miles got more and more stressed as he looked at his watch, and Jai couldn’t help but stating.

“You look stressed!”

“Maybe because I am,” Miles said evidently annoyed.

Finally it seemed as though he had all his things. Miles managed to reel off loads of do's and don'ts to them. Jai and Kirsty smiled and nodded and nodded and smiled and then Miles was gone.

[I love music]

The beginning could have done with a little more emotion (sorry, I only criticise constructively when I know people are capable of writing more skilfully) but the chapter certainly picked up when Kirsty went to Irene's. I got worried for Kirsty too when she saw Irene was leaving!

“Yeah, I’m going to the city for a couple of days. Roman and I are looking for some new suppliers and I’m gonna meet up with some in the next couple of days.”

I liked the very realistic Irene dialogue.

In between putting on his belt, tie his tie and his shoe laces, he asked Kirsty to stay in the house to look after Jai while he was away at the conference. While tying his shoe laces he finally sat down.

I could well picture Miles rushing around, even the over-enthusiastic thank yous suited him.

“You know how Jai hurt his ankle and everything. You and Ollie can stay in Ric and Mattie’s old room. Please,” he added, smiling angelically.

“When I come back we can even talk about you and Ollie moving in permanently,” he smiled.

“There are clean towels in the bathroom and Jai will help you finding bedclothes.”

And that made me angry! (So well done, you've got me emotionally involved unlike at the very beginning of this chapter. ) Miles treats Kirsty like she's some kind of housekeeper! Hurry back, Kane!

Have a lovely holiday.

[Red Ranger 1]

Glad you've posted again, some nice stuff in there.Have a nice holiday, looking forward to more when you come back...

[Slade]

Slade: I know Jack wasn't really that bad with Kirsty I just remembered Kirsty's "don't thouch me" comments to him and the way she said that. I might have exaggerated that because I never was a big fan of Jack

Yeah when she said that to him it actually brought a wry smile to my face because at the time I wasn’t that keen on him either.

Ok I’ll follow on from I love music’s constructive criticism (and this is only relatively speaking as overall the chapter was still good). I would have liked to have seen more interaction with Martha and Kirsty in the first part of that chapter considering how well you described their scenes during their first meeting. Just to draw an analogy, although not quite the same recall when Martha went to go to the retreat and she saw Roman standing there and said good bye to him and gave him a hug. Even though it wasn’t that much it spoke volumes. It showed how much of a friend she regarded him as (even though he wanted more). I would have liked to have seen something like that with Kirsty. Recall when Kirsty found out that Martha had lost her baby and she didn’t even need to say anything just the emotion and they way they looked at each other was enough.

The second part although it was short was better because I could actually imagine that happening. Perhaps Geoff and or Annie/Belle could have been in that scene and said goodbye to Irene as well and Kirsty could have spoken to them after Irene left.

Third part, OK this is more like it. Some good dialogue there. I’m not sure if Miles would have done that on the show but I appreciate you are writing some of the characters slightly different as you are exploring this outside it. I really didn’t like the way he pressurized Kirsty like that, as I love music said it was annoying. I have no problem with Miles being that way as long as he and Kirsty don’t fall in love with each other.

I really hope I haven’t sounded too harsh. It’s just that this fic is soooooooooo good and there a very few Kirsty ones around ATM and I’m really enjoying this and feel it has a lot of potential. I appreciate that Christie wanted to carrying acting and Sam wanted to direct but I was really disappointed with the way their storyline progressed and the way the characters were written when they returned so hopefully you will add another (and hopefully more positive) dimension to it.

Anyway have a good one!

[Kris10na]

Thank you so much for your honest comments and for reading my fic! I know, the beginning wasn't the best, but I found it a little hard to write. I don't like to write beginnings. I appreciate your suggestions very much

Chapter 7

“What happened now?” Kirsty asked confused.

“I don’t know,” Jai said. “You did it, not me.”

They were in the middle of another computer lesson and Kirsty had just managed to delete a file without knowing she did so.

“But you are meant to be the smart guy here,” Kirsty complained.

“I am,” Jai said. “I’m the master and you’re just a hopeless apprentice,” he teased her. “You did all this by yourself. You always want to do things your own way, don’t you?!” she added with a smile.

He got up and bumped on one foot towards the fridge.

“You always want to do things your own way!” The words were echoing in Kirsty’s head. Those words that Kane used to tell her. It was one of Kirsty’s strong qualities he thought, and he would say it with a heart-warming smile and he would kiss her.

A knock on the door followed by Annie and Ruby walking in, interrupted Kirsty’s thoughts.

“Oh, hey Kirsty,” Annie said, as polite as always.

“Hey!”

Jai came to meet his visitors and then said to Kirsty:

“We’re just going to do some study. We’ve got this project that we really need to finish, or else Mr. Bartlett will…” he said, miming cutting his throat of.

“I don’t think he will go that far Jai,” Kirsty smiled.

“Probably not,” Jai said as though Kirsty really had made him see that. “But hey! You never know, he might be hiding something from us.”

…

After telling Jai and the others to be quiet so they wouldn’t wake Ollie, Kirsty went for a walk. As she reached the beach a fresh breeze brought a smell of salt and sea inwards land. Kirsty stood still on the shoreline enjoying the sea stroking its water upon her legs, the breeze blowing her hair away and the wind across her face.

The wind calmed a bit and Kirsty found a dry place in the sand and sat down, her legs crossed. A girl was walking towards where Kirsty was seated. For a moment Kirsty thought it was Tasha as the girl had blonde, wavy hair, though it could not be her because Kirsty knew she was far away in America.

‘Tasha’. Kirsty thought. She could be pretty naïve and at times quite annoying, but you could always count on her to put a smile on you face. Kirsty couldn’t forget that. Nor could she forget the bond she had with Kane. They were like brother and sister and had a connection even Kirsty had trouble understanding.

Thinking even further back the thought of Jade crossed her mind. Jade. Her sister, her twin. Everyone could say they weren’t as much as they liked, but it was never going to change. Right, they weren’t sisters by blood, but they were sisters by heart and the bond between them was unbelievable strong and almost impossible to break. Finding out that they weren’t in fact twins had come as a shock and yes, things had been a bit strange between them for a while, but in the end they realized that nothing, nothing, could come between them and that what is in your heart is way more important than what’s in your blood. Meeting Laura and getting to know her a bit just proved that. Kirsty didn’t have anything in common with her apart from the obvious, looks and genes, and they soon realized that that wasn’t much to build a friendship on, let alone a sisterly one.

Thinking about Jade lead Kirsty to think about the rest of her family and she wondered what they were doing. Were her Mum and Dad still together? Were they still living in the city? And what about Dani? Where was she? Had she followed her dream and become an author? There were just questions all the time and Kirsty wondered if someone would ever answer them. She knew that she wanted to see them again, they were her family, but something was keeping her from contacting them straight away. She came to think that maybe now was the right time. There weren’t many friends left in Summer Bay and now after Kane was taken away from her, maybe some familiar faces would be good. Then again, if she would see her family again, they would wonder where Kane was and she would have to tell them. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to see their faces and hear their reactions when she told them just yet.

There were just so many memories here, Kirsty thought, looking out on the beach. She remembered walks and talks on the beach and how Jade, Nick, Seb and she used to play volleyball or just hang around by the beach. They were the four musketeers and best friends. But all that was before Kirsty chose Kane over her family and then also over her friends. She could just have been happy with Nick or Seb, but with Kane there was just something more. Something special. With Seb or Nick, or even Dylan for that matter she always knew what to do. It was like a path which people had been walking on before. It was easy to follow and she hardly ever chose the wrong way. There were never any surprises, good or bad. With Kane, it was a path where she never had walked before. It was a whole new experience, a whole new path. Sometimes she had to break through the impervious bush, branches and boughs would scratch her up. Then again she never knew what meet her in the clearings. Often it was a stunning view that met her eyes like how the sun shone through the trees and made her see things in a completely different way. Sometimes she walked past clearings that were covered in hundred or even thousands of flowers, colouring the path in all imaginable and unimaginable colours. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and following the path made her feel so good inside, happy. It made her wanting to dance and sing. That’s why she continued walking which sometimes led to bad things, sometimes good things. The good things so incredible well that it overcome the bad things.

Being around people made her feelings so much easier to hold inside. Spending time with Irene, Charlie, Martha and even Jai had made her keep her thoughts hidden away, but now, on the beach alone, they did not stay hidden. The truth was she didn’t have a clue what to do without Kane. Where should she and Ollie live? In a caravan for the next couple of years till they could afford a proper apartment? With her current salary it would take years to save up the money needed. And what about all the things Oliver wanted and needed? Clothes and food, but should she buy him that bike he wanted so much? If Kane was there, she could at least share her feelings and her frustration with him. It didn’t seem right to speak to Irene about all her problems. She also felt the loss of Kane when it came to Ollie. Sometimes he had trouble sleeping and whenever Kirsty tried to make him go back to sleep he would cry for his Daddy. It was so painful to see how much Oliver wanted his Dad there and it was awful that Kirsty could not give her son that one thing he wanted the most.

It was too much for Kirsty. Thinking about what she and Ollie had lost and how much they both missed Kane made it impossible to hold back the tears. Suddenly something landed in the sand beside her, but when she turned to look there was nothing there. Then she looked around and understood. As the raindrops blended with the salty tears on Kirsty’s cheeks, she got up and walked away.

…

It was late when Kirsty walked in the back door of the Caravan Park House. The kitchen and living room area was almost blacked out except from a little lamp lightning up a bit. As Kirsty walked in, a shadow moved by the sofa and Jai came forward. The lamp was lightning up Jai as well as Kirsty’s body.

“You look soaked!” Jai was as usual stating the obvious.

Kirsty then took a step forward and Jai saw her face and eyes which was still red from the crying. Despite Kirsty being soaked, Jai also took a step forward, put his arms around her and gave her a warm and comforting hug.

You’ve been down the dark detours

You have seen most of it all

Crashed into a million faces

But never listened to them talk

You’ve got so much on your mind right now

It doesn’t even help to try to solve them all

You used to smile with hope

and a pat on the back

Would last throughout the day

As the rain kept falling down on you

You wouldn't let them wash the feeling away

Hope itself dried out in you as you heard your man walking away

Without a word

You thought

Who’s gonna make my decisions, I can’t make them on my own

Who’s gonna rise to the occasion when there is no one around

Who the hell is gonna believe me, when I don’t believe in myself

Who’s gonna be there forever, well it ain’t gonna be him

Oh no

Everybody is going away, I’m barely hanging on

No no no

Who’s gonna make my decisions, I can’t make them on my own

Who’s gonna rise to the occasion when there is no one around

Who the hell is gonna believe me, when I don’t believe in myself

Who’s gonna be there forever, well it ain’t gonna be him

Who’s gonna make my decisions, I can’t make them on my own

Who’s gonna rise to the occasion when there is no one around

Who the hell is gonna believe me, when I don’t believe in myself

Who’s gonna be there forever, well it ain’t gonna be him

(© Kurt Nilsen – Rise to the Occasion)

[Red Ranger 1]

Great update.I loved how you wrote Kirsty's thoughts and her reflections on her family and her life with Kane.And the banter between her and Jai was fun.

[I love music]

Good to see an update at last!

Right, they weren’t sisters by blood, but they were sisters by heart and the bond between them was unbelievable strong and almost impossible to break. Finding out that they weren’t in fact twins had come as a shock and yes, things had been a bit strange between them for a while, but in the end they realized that nothing, nothing, could come between them and that what is in your heart is way more important than what’s in your blood.

I really liked that description and the way Kirsty still thinks of Jade as her sister. But there was something I liked even more - this:-

With Seb or Nick, or even Dylan for that matter she always knew what to do. It was like a path which people had been walking on before. It was easy to follow and she hardly ever chose the wrong way. There were never any surprises, good or bad. With Kane, it was a path where she never had walked before. It was a whole new experience, a whole new path. Sometimes she had to break through the impervious bush, branches and boughs would scratch her up. Then again she never knew what meet her in the clearings. Often it was a stunning view that met her eyes like how the sun shone through the trees and made her see things in a completely different way. Sometimes she walked past clearings that were covered in hundred or even thousands of flowers, colouring the path in all imaginable and unimaginable colours.

The mental imagery there is pretty powerful. That's a stunningly beautiful description of falling in love!

My only criticism is, I'm not sure why you had to quote a WHOLE song at the end of the chapter. It would have been better to have quoted the chorus only (that was all you actually needed) and to have quoted it at the beginning of the chapter, not the end.

Great update, Kris10na!

[Slade]

I’ve been very naughty. I did read this but was too tired to reply before.

I agree with what’s already been said.? I’m really glad you mentioned Kirsty’s family. There’s no way she would not have thought about contacting them by now. I’m also glad that you raised the point that Kirsty had a stronger bond with Jade than she ever did with Laura. I was very disappointed with the whole twin storyline and felt it was quite a poor way to write Jade out of the show (not to mention a massive continuity error re Landslide 2000). There was never any chemistry between Kirsty and Laura (for obvious reasons) and watching the episode were Kirsty was in hospital after taking drugs reminded me of how close she and Jade were. And it was really disappointing not seeing her at the recommitment ceremony. After she visited Kirsty in hospital she disappeared. You’ve still sort of made it consistent with the show but in addition you’ve given a reason for her reluctance to contact them i.e. she would have to give an explanation as to why she went for three years without so much of a phone call and Kane’s absence. I realised that the actors couldn’t return but we don’t actually have to see them, which is what really bothered me. They can just get a mention from time to time.

Also liked her reminiscing the good times with Jade, Seb and Nick. After Kane left I actually wanted her and Dillon to get together but she choose Seb (which really bothered me). It was great when Kane returned to reclaim her and rescued her from a relationship that totally lacked chemistry.

It’s interesting in a few of the scenes you describe Kirsty’s thoughts when she’s on her own. Although she’s got a handful of friends now she seems like very much the loner. I look forward to seeing the transition of her social status and to see her regain her confidence.

Can’t wait for the next chapter.