Lost or Found?

[kristie1024]

Chapter 15: Apperances can be deceiving.

I was being twirled around the room, with everyone watching. But to me it felt like there was only two people in the room. To me that was all that counted anyway. The hundreds of people around us were blurred in my mind, the only sight I was focusing on was the man in front of me, the one looking at me with love shining through in his eyes. This simple fact made me smile. As the song came to an end and people began clapping I stayed entranced by his eyes, and his arms never left my waist.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” I said kissing him glancing at the sign behind him. Which simply read:

“Congratulations Mr and Mrs Smith.”

I sat straight up in my bed, it was beginning to scare me, the fact I kept these kind of dream. I mean things were nowhere near that serious, it was far too soon. Looking at my alarm I noticed it was nearly time to get up anyway. I swear that thing had been redundant the last week as those dreams kept waking me up. Part of me was terrified of them, but I couldn’t help that feeling like I wanted them to be true.

Not straight away of course but sometime in the future I could see it happening. I wanted it to happen. I guess in a way Kirsty was right when she told me that I would end up like this. Why is it she knew me better than I did? Today I said I’d go to Summer Bay and see Kirsty and my beautiful little nephew. I needed her opinion on something while I was there. See I had got a letter yesterday from the De’Groots saying they wanted to have dinner sometime. To be honest I wasn’t sure I wanted to, I mean I had come to terms with what happened, well I had accepted it for what it was at any rate. But I didn’t particularly want to drag it all up again. Not when everything was going so well.

But anyway it was best to let that go right now, until I got to Summer Bay anyway. I got into my car and drove the familiar roads to the place that I had once called home, somewhere that I had grown to think of a second home with the amount of times I had visited it lately. For the next couple of hours we just chatted about everything really. Anything that came to our minds, it still felt slightly alien to me to see Kirsty acting like a Mum. I mean of course I knew she was one but I never really got used to it, I was used to my slightly irresponsible sister.

“You OK?” Kirsty asked me handing me a glass of water.

“Fine.” I replied taking the glass from her. “Kirst, I need to talk to you about something.”

“Mhm?” she said taking a sip of her tea.

“Have you spoken to Laura lately?” I asked.

“Laura?” she said then got who I was talking about. “Oh, well, erm not really not since I left here last time. Why?”

“Because they got in touch with me. Asking me if I wanted to go to lunch.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing yet. I don’t know what I want so I don’t really want to say anything right now.”

“Then to be honest, I don’t think that you should. Not if you’re not entirely certain that you want to.”

“See.” I smiled “This I missed, having someone understand things like this.” I saw the time then. “Oh I have to go. I said I’d meet Nick for dinner.”

“Have fun.” Kirsty told me while hugging me.

“See you later.” I said and ran out of the house and began the drive back home. I was oddly excited all the way home. I still felt slightly giddy whenever I had a date with Nick. As I arrived back to our block of flats I decided to go to Nick’s door first. But after I knocked I was met by no answer. Deciding that he must have gone over to my flat I crossed the hall into my flat.

As soon as I got in to my flat I stopped at the scene in front of me. Katie’s lips attached Nick’s. Turning on my heels I stormed out, the door closing right before I saw Nick push Katie away.

p.s. The next update will be from Nick's P.O.V

[Red Ranger 1]

Awww, Jade's dream was sweet.Bad Katie if that was what it seemed like, hopefully Jade will let Nick explain.Like the reference to the DeGroots, be nice if Jade could see them again.

[kristie1024]

Chapter 16: Is it too late for the truth?

I pushed Katie from me, then I heard the door slam shut meaning only one thing. That Jade had saw, and most likely never saw Katie fling herself at me. Running out of the door I ignored Katie screaming my name, I can’t believe she’d done that! I can’t believe Jade walked in at the worst moment possible. I don’t know how I was going to do it, but I had to make her believe what had actually happened and not what she had seen. As I got out of the building I saw her.

“Jade.” I screamed at her causing her to pause only momentarily before walking on.

“Jade please just let me explain.” I said again, this time causing her to turn around part of me wishing she hadn’t when I saw how much pain was etched into her beautiful face.

“Explain what?” she said her voice cracking with unshed tears. “I think the scene I just saw was pretty self-explanatory.”

“You don’t understand she...” I began to tell her what had actually happened but she cut me off.

“The only thing I don’t understand is how I could have been as stupid to do this again. You’d think I would have learned from last time! But I thought you’d changed! I thought that... I thought that...” Whatever she thought it was clear that she was too upset to say the words, I wanted to console her but knew right now that she wouldn’t appreciate it. But at the same time I had lost her once before and I wasn’t going to let her go again.

“Jade please listen to me.” I said noticing my voice was barely above a whisper. She just stood there looking at me, the look in her eyes cutting me, the look one I had got so many times before, the one which showed how truely hurt she was.

“Fine.” She whispered.

To be honest I hadn’t expected this, not this soon anyway. But part of me was wary about how much she would believe me. All I knew was that if I didn’t try then I might lose her, something that I knew I couldn’t do again.

“Can we go over there?” I asked gesturing to the park across the street. Without a word Jade turned around and headed towards the park, as I followed. She picked a somewhat secluded bench, and when I sat next to her that in any other circumstances this would have been romantic. But not currently, not when Jade couldn’t even look me in the eyes.

“Jade she kissed me; I didn’t do anything to encourage her to do so. I came over to see you, to take you to dinner. Then she just came over and started to talk, I swear Jade I pushed away as quick as I could. I only want to be with you. I love you Jade, you’re the only one that I ever truely loved. Please, please believe me. I couldn’t stand it if you left again.”

From what I could see of Jade’s face I could tell that she was crying, I wanted to put my arms around her and shelter her from all the pain in the world. However given she blamed me for the pain she was currently in, I was almost sure the sentiment wouldn’t be well received.

“Jade?” I asked after what must have been five minutes of awkward silence. Five minutes to wait for an answer that could possibly be the one answer that I was always fearful would happen after we had gotten back together.

“I don’t know.” Was all she whispered. We both sat there for another couple of minutes, each trying to gather their thoughts, and I was trying to keep from shaking over how nervous I was.

“I want to believe you.” She said. “I really do. I just don’t know if I can.”

“Is there anything I can do to make you believe me?” I asked failing to hide the anguish and desperation in my voice.

She looked at me then, her eyes finally meeting mine. “I think you just did.” She whispered. While I wasn’t sure how this had happened, I wasn’t going to argue against it. Those words meant so much to me, I wasn’t sure there was even words possible to describe how relieved I felt right now. It was almost like in those words she made me so happy, that it surpassed just plain happy.

“Why did you go over early?” Jade asked me, and I knew that what I said now would help make her mind up about whether or not I was being honest. I smiled then remembering my own reason for going to her flat earlier. I smiled as I went into my jacket pocket and pulled out a small box. I watched her open it, and saw her eyes meet the single key I had placed in it. I knew that she had worked out what I meant by giving it to her, but she sat in silence clearly in shock.

“Will you move in with me?” I asked her, she just sat next to me staring at me trying to figure out her answer.

[Red Ranger 1]

Awww.I'm glad that Jade listened to him and I'm glad that she seems to have believed him.Hope she says yes!

[kristie1024]

Chapter 15: Some time away?

“Move in?” The words sounded foreign even as I spoke them. I thought he had to joking, but the look in his eyes and the key in front of me told me otherwise.

“Yes. Jade I know that it seems quick. But it feels right. I know I love you more than anyone else, and I promise to never ever hurt you again.” As I sat in silence the hope in his eyes began to fade ever so slightly and in a voice barely above a whisper added “Please.”

I knew it would be horrible to supply him with an answer then, even if I knew before I said it, he wouldn’t really want to hear it.

“I don’t know.” I said, tears beginning to itch my eyes. It all seemed so crazy, how can you move in with someone who you thought was cheating on you less than an hour ago. And that’s when I realised something. Maybe I was too caught up in the past to move on. If the threat of Nick hurting me again constantly remained in my head could things really work out? Was it fair to move in if I would always second guess everything. Maybe I was my own problem.

“Jade...” Nick started.

“No please can I talk?” I said as a single tear fell from my eye “This has got nothing to do with you, I think I’m not ready for this. I just keep remembering how much I was hurt when you left the first time, I don’t know if I can do it again and...”

“I promise I won’t hurt you.” The sheer childish hope in his made me feel even worse. But I had to make him see that I wasn’t ready for this.

“I know that, or at least I think I do. But it’s my problem, and I need to sort it out. As much as I remember the pain, I love you. I loved you the first time, and possibly even more now. Which makes it, to be frank, it makes it scary.”

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked desperate to have one last little bit of hope.

I shook my head, as I said it was my problem I had to be the one that worked through it, and I had to do it without him there, so I knew that it was truely my decision.

“I have to do this myself.”

“Is this it?” he asked looking at the ground.

“I don’t know. I don’t want it to be. I think I’ll go see Kirsty and clear my head. Then I’ll know what I really want.”

Nick just nodded, and I knew I wouldn’t have taken this as well as he was.

“I’d prefer if you didn’t call.” I whispered refusing to meet his eyes, so that I wouldn’t see how upset he was. We just sat there for a while, in silence, both contemplating what I had just said. I knew I was being unreasonable but I just knew I had to do this. It seemed like things this month had just snowballed into a large problem, with Kirsty, then Nick, then that letter from the De’Groots I had no idea what I was thinking anymore.

“I understand.” Nick said pulling us from the silence. “Just promise me you’ll call as soon as you figure things out.”

I nodded “I’m sorry” I said, I needed to apologise to him for putting him in this situation. But I was sure that time away would help me, and at least this I would have my sister around.

As I began walking away I turned around to see Nick looking at me, clear love in his eyes. “I’m always going to be there for you. I love you.”

[Red Ranger 1]

If Jade is having doubts, it's good that she was straight with Nick.I hope she comes round and decides to give their relationship a go though.

[kristie1024]

Chapter 16: Sometimes all we need is a little time away

I sat out on the table at Kirsty’s house. I had been here a week now, and knew that I really should go back home. But where was that? I was debating just that when Kirsty walked out placing a cup of hot chocolate in front of me while holding one of her own.

“Spill.” Was all she said by way of inducting conversation. Well you can’t say my sister was subtle can you?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I replied putting the cup to my mouth and trying to pretend that I hadn’t just burned my tongue by taking a huge gulp so I wouldn’t have to talk.

“Jade you’ve been here a week, and you haven’t said anything about why you came.”

“Can’t I come just to see my sister?” I asked, while she just looked at me. I knew that I had come here to get her help about what to do now, but when I got here it seemed too hard to say the words. Part of me didn’t want to re-live it.

“Did Nick do something?” she asked looking me straight in the eyes.

“No.” I replied, I was now sure that he hadn’t done anything to make Katie think he thought of her like that.

“Then what is it?”

“Have you ever been so stuck in the past that it threatens to completely muck up everything in your life now?” I asked, but before Kirsty had time to comment I continued “Katie kissed Nick, but all I could think of was that he had to have done. That like before he done something stupid and it hurt. Then he talked to me and I realised that isn’t what happened. But I was wrong. I jumped to conclusions, but instead of believing in Nick like a good girlfriend would, I thought the worst of him. I mean I was so willing to believe the worst in him, when he wanted us to move in together and be even closer that we were.”

“Move in?” Kirsty repeated shocked. At my nod she said “Maybe you just can’t get back to how you were. Maybe you know you’re trying to live in the past which is why you keep thinking of it. Maybe you just don’t love him anymore.”

“I do! I love him more than anything, or anyone else. I love him.” I screamed at her insulted she would think that. Before I screamed at her again I paused. “I love him.” I whispered realising for the first time how true it was. I couldn’t imagine him not being there anymore. “I love him.” I said with much more conviction.

Kirsty just smiled at me. “I don’t think that I’m the one you need to tell.” With that she just turned around and headed inside, leaving me standing outside by myself. She was right, it wasn’t her I should tell. I had to go back to the city now, to fix the mess I had created hopefully while I still could. I just hoped he would be there like he said he would be here. I ran up the stairs and started throwing things into my suitcase. I didn’t care about neatness I just had to be quick. Grabbing my keys and bag I ran downstairs said goodbye to everyone and thanked my sister. As fast as I could I drove back to the city with only one thing on my mind. The fact that I was in love with Nick Smith, and I wanted nothing more than to be with him.

[Red Ranger 1]

Yay, update!Loved the way Kirsty helped Jade realise what she wanted, Jade shouting out that she loved Nick and then realising it was true was a real "Awww" moment.

[Scotcaz22]

Read all the latest chapters up to now - and brilliant!

Liked how you got inside Jade and how she was thinking about her relationship with Nick, as well as trying to build a bridge between Kristy and the rest of the family, which was great.

Looking forward to the next update!

[kristie1024]

Sorry it took so long to update. I couldn't get the chapter to work right. But here it is anyway

Chapter 17: Confessions in a doorway

“I love him.” The thought wouldn’t stop playing over and over in my head. I loved him. How had I not got it sooner. What was worse was that it took Kirsty to make me see it. Although I guess if it was going to be anyone it would be there. I passed by the familiar settings as I drove to our apartment block, praying more than anything that I hadn’t mucked everything up for good. As soon as I got there, I got out of my car, slammed the door shut and ran up to Nick’s door.

I was out of breath by the time I got to Nick’s door, but I didn’t care. Neglecting the doorbell I loudly chapped the door.

“I’m coming!” came Nick’s slightly agitated voice. I felt elated at the fact that he was still there. Sure I may have been irritating him, but for some strange reason I couldn’t stop knocking until he opened it. Until I saw him.

“What is i...” Nick said hints of anger laced into his voice as he opened the door. Then he stopped short when he saw it was me and the anger was replaced with what sounded like a mixture of surprise and hope. “Jade?”

I opened my mouth a few times, and oddly words failed me. We just stood there looking at each other until I decided to give up on words. I ran towards him putting my arms around his neck as his automatically went around my waist. I stood there holding onto him like if I let go he would disappear. After what seemed like several hours, but was much more akin to a couple of minutes I pulled back slightly.

“I am so sorry.” I said, as the tears falling from my eyes. I hadn’t much thought of what now. But I knew what I had to do.

“Ja...” Nick started but I cut him off.

“No, I need to say this. And if I don’t do it now, I’ll most likely convince myself that it is stupid to say. Nick I know you never had anything to do with Katie, and I am almost sure that I know why. See I think that I got now and then confused. And for a while it seemed like I couldn’t get past that.” I put my finger over Nick’s mouth as he went to speak. “Please let me finish. I realised that it was easier living in the past, that way when things went wrong I could blame it on that. That way it wouldn’t really be a proper adult relationship. But I realised that a proper relationship is what I want. All the highs and the lows, I want to do anything for this to work. I think that I need to, I’ve never another relationship that ever came close to what we had.”

I paused as I pulled all the way back from him so that I could look in his eyes. “Nick, I love you.”

I swear in the instant before he leaned down to kiss me that I had never seen him look as happy as he did with the smile that illuminated his whole face.

“Jade.” He said as he pulled back.

“Will you move in with me?”

I laughed “Yes.” I said smiling, then glanced across the landing to the other door, behind which lay most of my possessions and the person I never wanted to see again. “So long as it’s not here.”

Nick’s mood deflated instantly, and it took me equally as long to realise why.

“No it’s not that I don’t trust you! Because I do, I do trust you. It’s just I’d rather not see her every day. You know, she was meant to be one of my best friends.”

“I think I can understand that.” Nick said, as he opened his door gesturing for me to walk in. As I heard the door close I turned around.

“I love you Jade.”

“I love you too Nick.” I said, and I truely did.