The Darkness

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 50

Ella took the twins upstairs to bed. She tucked them in and settled them down before walking into the bedroom. She saw that the wardrobe door was open and Roman’s clothes were gone. She broke down again crying before picking herself off the floor and pulling off the wedding and eternity rings. She tucked them in a small jewellery box and added the dog tags before climbing into the suddenly too big bed. After tossing and turning for the longest time she stood up and put the rings back on. Finally she slept.

She awoke with the twins and took them downstairs for breakfast. They became fussy, used to the attention of both Mummy and Daddy and she couldn’t stop them or herself crying. Eventually she put them in the playpen in the lounge and switched on the tv to distract them while she went and got dressed. She didn’t bother showering or even pulling a brush through her hair just pulling it back into a ponytail. She raced back downstairs feeling like crap.

The baby gave a savage kick to remind her of his or her presence and she gasped pausing on the stairs until the pain passed. Taking a cautious step she went down the rest of the steps and moved into the lounge to look at the twins. She had no idea how she was going to cope with three babies and began crying again. Pulling herself together again she rubbed the tears from her face and started the day. She had to clean the house she thought and there was Cookie, the cat, to feed. She should start cleaning the kitchen.

She checked her phone and saw missed calls and messages form Nic and Mike and Aden. She typed one text and sent that to all of them. Nothing from Roman and she debated whether to text him but suddenly found she lacked the courage.

Aden walked into Nic and Geoff’s house.

“Princess!” he called and watched as Nic slowly came down the stairs.

“Hey.” He added.

“Hi Aden.” She said and paused halfway to sink slowly down on the step. “Mike is upstairs with Angel. We had the same text.”

“Me too. How are we going to fix this?” he asked her sitting with her.

She shook her head.

“My dad is not even answering my calls so I don’t know.” She said a slow tear falling down her face.

“Nor mine. Was it as awful as Geoff said?” Aden asked having not been at the courthouse the previous day.

Nic nodded.

“He wasn’t angry or sad he was just so…” she tried to explain it.

Aden smiled.

“Roman?” he asked and Nic nodded again.

“This was his marriage and he just left.” She began crying in earnest and Mike joined them on the stairs sitting next to Nic and putting his arm around her.

“I wonder how Mum is?” he asked them. “I know she said not to worry and she needed some time but ..” he trailed off.

“I think we should leave her today. She knows where we are.” Nic told him, smiling despite the tears.

Roman stood at the lookout and was looking out on the sea. He watched a lone seagull flying overhead and felt a sense of déjà vu. The waves crashed into the shore in a majestic display of nature and he felt nothing. Turning he saw Miles sitting on the table behind him with a cup of coffee.

He walked over to him.

“How did you know?” he asked picking up the cup and taking a drink.

“This is where you go when you need to make your mind up about something.” Miles told him. “Are you really such an ass that you are going to throw away your marriage? For God’s sake Roman, you knocked me on my ass a month ago because you thought I’d slept with her.”

“I know that. I can’t help how I feel now.” Roman said.

“Can’t you? Is this just hurt pride Roman? She looked after herself for 11 years, going round the world and doing a lot of stuff and bringing up Mike.”

“And?” Roman asked. “Does that excuse all the secrets she keeps from me?” he questioned.

“I don’t know. We begged her to tell you about the pregnancy.” Miles said.

Roman laughed bitterly standing up and putting his hand through his hair.

“Which one?” he asked.

“The first one you ass.” Miles told him. “The second one you had no right to know about until she was ready to tell you. You don’t get entitled to their every waking thought just because you are married. Has she told you what happened?”

Roman nodded slowly.

“Then you know how hard it was for her to discover she was pregnant. And she had to hold your hand through it until you were ok.”

Roman flinched.

“Miles.” He protested.

“Roman. You love her. Stop being a SOB and go home.” Miles told him

Roman walked back to the table and sat down.

“I can’t.” he said. “I have to …” he began and broke off.

“What? What can possibly be more important than being at home with your wife and children?” he asked him and Roman knew the other man was thinking for a moment about his wife and daughter that he’d lost on the day of the tsunami.

“Miles.” Roman said and put his hand on the other man’s shoulder.

Miles absentmindedly patted the hand and looked out on the waves crashing on the cliffs below them.

“So answer the question.” Miles said after a moment.

“Nothing.” Roman answered. “But maybe she doesn’t want me, she hasn’t texted or called.” he added.

“Only one way to find out.” Miles told him.

Roman looked at him for a long moment before picking himself off the table and throwing the empty cup in the trash. He climbed into his car and made his way home.

He let himself in through the door and heard the tv on and the twins crying. He looked into the lounge and saw Ella trying to calm them with little success. She looked adorable and at the same time a complete mess. Turning slowly she saw him and paled.

“You took your things.” She said.

“I had to. I needed to show you how hurt I was.” He said truthfully.

“Why are you here?” she asked.

“Because.” He said.

He walked over and picked up Georgie and cradled him in his arms. The boy stopped crying, as did Sophie at the same time.

She looked at him for a long moment.

“You don’t need to worry. I’ll give you your divorce.” She told him.

He met her gaze unflinchingly.

“Maybe I don’t want to talk about a divorce.” He said softly. “Maybe I want to talk about us.”

She put Sophie back in the playpen and walked back into the kitchen to finish cleaning.

“There is nothing for you here anymore Roman.” She told him when he followed her into the other room.

He folded his arms across his chest and looked at her.

“Do you not love me then?” he asked finally.

She looked at him quickly then looked away.

“What would you have done if I’d told you about Gardy back in the day?” she asked him.

“I think I would have torn his head off.” Roman answered. “He knew you were my woman.”

She wanted to smile at the last part of the statement but held back.

“And if I’d told you I was pregnant the first time.” She asked him putting tins back in the cupboard.

“I would have married you. I’d already proposed dammit. You knew I was crazy for you.”

She nodded.

“And would you have stayed in the army?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Probably.”

“So I would have been another army wife.” She told him.

He shrugged.

“El, why are you asking these questions.” He muttered feeling uncomfortable.

“I don’t know. “ she told him.

He reached for her and pulled her to him.

“El I love you and I’m sorry for yesterday.” He said.

She pushed him away.

“I love you too but we can’t keep doing this. I can’t be there for you one minute and cursed for something else the next. I’m a mother. I have Mike and the twins and this baby. I have to know that I can trust you and rely on you. I didn’t tell you I was asked to see Gardy yesterday because you would have talked me out of it or stopped me or anything. And I needed to know whether he killed my brother. My brother. Not yours.” She took a beep breath. “I’m sorry that hurts you. I’m sorry you were affected by it.”

“El.” He said quietly.

She looked into his face.

“How can I protect you when you pull stunts like that?” he asked her.

“By letting me and being there for me.” She replied. “You were my strength through this whole trial. Every time it seemed too hard, the questions were too painful to answer I touched the dog tags and it was like you were there with me holding my hand.”

He shook his head.

“I knew where you were. I came to you the night after I was attacked because you were there. I knew I could take my battered soul and curl up in your arms and have you protect me until I was strong enough again.” She told him softly.

She moved round to the other side of the kitchen and put the kettle on automatically reaching for his favourite cup to make him a coffee.

“What are we saying?” he asked her.

She turned to him.

“I am a strong person. You know that. I am stubborn. You put up with that. I love you with all of my heart and I will never be with anyone else the way I am with you but you are right. It is over between us. You don’t trust me. I can see that. I can’t be a little woman for you Roman, and let you be the hero.”

She sighed and poured out the drink for him handing it over mechanically.

He took it from her and placed it on the top behind him and looked at her.

“Why didn’t you blame me?” he asked. “Gardy was my man, he killed your brother, took you, hurt you and you never blamed me.”

She looked at him.

“Why would I blame you? “ she asked back. “You can’t be responsible for what that man does. He never respected you. He just had this perverse sense of injustice so that he blamed you for all the crap in his life.”

He shook his head again.

“Because I lay awake sometimes and I blame me. I should have stopped him. I should have done anything other than have you go through that.” Roman said at last.

She gasped.

“So what, did you fail? Does that mean you have to protect me from everything? Is that why you never told me you had doubts about taking on this baby for so long?” she asked.

“I’m supposed to protect you El. You are my wife. I love you and I will die if anything happens to you.” He said finally, his gaze meeting with hers.

She wanted to hold him and pull him close to kiss him but she couldn’t.

“I’m sorry Roman.” She told him.

She walked through to the lounge and sat on the sofa. After a while he followed.

“Sorry for what?” he asked.

“For hurting you but we are over. I can’t be the woman you want. I need a divorce. I can’t sit back and let you protect me and when bad stuff happens, it happens.” She shrugged. “I will fight for my family, you know that, so no I can’t be a little wifey waiting for a hero husband to come home.”

He sank down beside her.

“So this is the end?” he asked.

She nodded a tear falling down her cheek.

“Why doesn’t it feel like the end?” he asked her after a long time.

“I don’t know.” She told him tears now flowing down unheeded her face. “I just want to hold you right now.” She confessed in a broken voice.

“Maybe that is something.” He told her.

She shook her head.

“No you need to go.” She murmured.

“I can’t.” he said. “I’m waiting for you to fight for your family.” He used her words against her and she felt a fresh wave of pain wash over her.

She shook her head and wiped at the tears on her face.

She stood up and looked at him.

“Please go.” She said.

He stood and took a step towards her.

She shook her head again but he ignored her.

He took her in his arms and held her against him feeling her shake with fresh sobs.

He bent his head and kissed her for the last time before leaving.

She looked on as the door closed behind him and she collapsed on the floor sobbing once more destroyed. She didn’t hear him come back in. She looked up after a moment and he was kneeling beside her on the carpeted floor.

“El I love you.” He said the only words he could.

She flinched.

“I love you too.” She moaned. “I’m hurting so much.” She gasped.

He pulled her towards him and kissed her.

“Then isn’t that enough to get us through this darkness?” he asked.

She half smiled before shaking her head.

“No it isn’t.” she gasped. “I thought that it would be but we are who we are.” She said to him.

“And we got here. We got through being separated. Through Gardy kidnapping you. Through everything. We are strong El, please.” He begged.

She pulled away form him.

“Don’t you think I want to? I want to hold you and take you upstairs and make love to you but we can’t. Not anymore. It is over we have to accept it.” she told him.

He sighed, exhaling slowly.

“I won’t.” he told.

She looked at him.

“Roman please, don’t drag this out. You left. You decided and it’s done. I can’t anymore. “ She said.

“Fight for us El.” He told her softly.

She moaned and fell back to the carpet. The twins began crying and she crawled over to the playpen.

“Shh, it’s ok.” she told them.

He stood and walked over to them picking up Sophie and rocking her in his arms. As soon as they quieted down he pulled Ella to her feet and held her too. She tried to pull away but he held her firm. He wiped tears from her cheeks and lowered his head and kissed her.

“Don’t please.” She begged.

He smiled slowly.

“Don’t what?” he asked kissing her again.

She moaned against his lips.

“Roman please. I can’t,” she cried.

He led her over to the sofa and sat down pulling her next to him keeping his arms tight around her. She tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let her.

“Please don’t Roman.” She moaned anew.

He smiled down at her.

“Don’t what?” he asked.

“Don’t do this.” She murmured.

“I’m not doing anything except holding my wife.” He told her.

She sighed.

And reaching up she kissed him.

He kissed her back.

“Seducing me isn’t the answer.” She told him.

“A couple of kisses can seduce you?” he asked smirking. “Damn, I’m good.”

She pulled away from him, blushing before she slapped him on the arm.

She looked up at him a slow smile on her face.

“Promise me.” She asked suddenly.

He grinned.

“I promise.” He told her unwaveringly.

She kissed him and wrapped her arms around him.

“What have I just promised?” he asked slowly.

“That you won’t get mad if I do something you don’t approve of and that if you do get mad and we start throwing around the D word I get custody of Miles. Oh, and you get the cat.” She told him.

He smiled at her.

“It’s a good job you love me El, because I wouldn’t like to see what you’d do if you hated me. We had a prior agreement. You get Nic and I get Miles.” He muttered, grinning. “The cat hates me.”

She smiled slowly.

“I know.” She looked at him. “But you know what they say, love me love my cat!”

“Uh huh.” He grinned. “Don’t push your luck.” He told her.

She snuggled up to him.

“Thank you.” She said.

“For what?” he asked kissing her again.

“For fighting for us.”

“Well I’m the hero husband I sorta had to.”

She blushed.

“You are going to remind me of that for a long time aren’t you?” she muttered.

He pressed a kiss to the end of her nose.

“I could have walked away El. I could have left a moment ago but I knew that you loved me and I loved you and if I stayed we could get through this. And I heard you crying. It tore me up inside knowing that I was the cause of that. I never want to hear you crying like that again.” He said to her.

She looked at him again for a long moment.

“Well then you better stop doing stuff that makes me cry.” She told him.

“No you don’t.” he grinned. “You are not going to give me a list of all my habits that annoy you and threaten me with tears every time unless I stop them.” he told her.

He stood up and pulled her up to stand next to him.

She smiled at him.

“The thought never crossed my mind.” She said.

“Of course not.” He told her and saw the blush that travelled across her skin.

“I love you.” She told him.

“I remember. With all your heart wasn’t it? And you’ll never be with anyone else the way you are with me.”

She looked at him.

“You’d die if anything happened to me.” She quoted back.

“How about we just forget this whole conversation?” he asked quickly.

She hugged him.

“Not a chance in hell.” She whispered in his ear. “I never want to forget how close we came to losing this.”

He looked down on her.

“I don’t believe that we couldn’t have found a way back. We love each too much.” He told her softly looking deep into her eyes.

“Don’t you think you better go and get your things then?” she asked.

He smiled.

“Are you asking me to move in?” he questioned.

“Do you need me to ask?” she said. ”Again?”

He lifted his hand and stroked her cheek.

“Yes I do.” He murmured.

“Have I been making you feel…”she trailed off uncertain how to finish the sentence.

“No. I’ve known that you love me. But you made a home for yourself and I really do understand why it was important to you, I just need to hear the words.”

“Please move in with me?” she asked.

He grinned.

“Yes.” He said.

He put his arms tight around her and held her for a long time.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 51

Nic stormed into the house and saw Roman packing his stuff into boxes.

“You can’t Dad.” She gasped. “You need to sort things out with Ella.”

He looked at her and was about to tell her they had talked when she burst into tears.

“Nic.” He said softly.

“Ella needs you dad you can’t leave. You can’t leave us.” She told him.

“Nic.” He tried again.

“Isn’t it just like you though Dad, to run away when things get tough.” She moaned through her tears.

“Nicole.” He said louder trying to get her attention.

She looked at him.

“Well you can go but don’t ever think that you can just waltz back in when you want.” She said and she stood up, tossed her hair over her shoulder, glared at him and then walked out slamming the door so hard that a picture fell off the wall and landed on the floor.

Pulling out his phone he dialled Ella’s number.

“Yeah.” She mumbled.

“Did I wake you?” he asked.

“Yes. But luckily you didn’t wake the twins so I’ll be able to roll over and catch another 20 minutes before they start screaming!” She told him with a chuckle.

“Sorry but you may not have 20 minutes. I just had a visit form Hurricane Nicole and she saw me packing. Thinks I’m about to a runner.”

Ella laughed.

“Didn’t you get a chance to tell her… no scrap that after all this is Nicole we are talking about! I’ll be prepared.” She told him sleepily and hung up.

He looked at his phone and hit redial.

“I’m getting up.” She said and hung up on him again.

He chuckled and gave it a couple of minutes before he dialled again.

“I’m up.” She told him. “Seriously.”

“That sounds a bit muffled.” He told her. “Are you actually underneath the quilt at the moment?” he asked.

She giggled.

“It says in all the baby books sleep when the baby’s sleep.” She told him in a posh accent. “I’m trying to.”

“Yeah and your stepdaughter will be around in about another 5 minutes to tell you off for not stopping me from leaving town.” He warned her. “Do you want her to find you half asleep and looking like you crawled through a hedge backwards?” he asked her.

“I thought you liked my grunge look.” She giggled again. “Hang on I just heard a car arrive. See you soon.” She told him and clicked the phone shut climbing out from underneath the covers.

She opened the phone and hit the redial button.

“Yes?” he asked.

“I love you.” She told him.

“I love you too.” He replied grinning.

She hung up the phone and went downstairs.

“Ella! Nic cried out.

“I’m here.” El told her form the bottom of the stairs. “Keep your voice down Nic, the twins are finally asleep.” She cautioned.

“My dad is leaving. You have to stop him.” she said agitatedly.

“Nic. Calm down. No one is leaving.” She told the girl.

“I just saw him packing. He was putting everything into boxes.” She told Ella. “You have to find a way of getting him to see that he loves you El. And you love him I know you do.”

“Nicole!” El said sharply trying to cut through the other girl’s panic.

The twins choose that moment to start crying.

“Oh crap.” El said.

She pulled the other girl to the sofa and sat her on it.

“Don’t move Nicole.” She ordered.

Ella went upstairs and picked up Sophie first and changed her before doing the same for Georgie. She was able to carry both babies downstairs at the same time and put them in the playpen.

Nic was still sitting on the sofa.

She looked over at the babies and started crying.

“Nicole I really hope these are your hormones kicking in.” El sighed.

She handed her a tissue and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. She made two cups of herbal tea and carried them through to the lounge before going back and pulling out her secret stash of chocolate cookies.

“Ok talk.” She said to Nic giving her a biscuit.

“He’s packing. I just went round there and he’s packing. You have to do something El.” Nic told her. “I can’t let him leave just like this.”

“Nic, he isn’t leaving.” She told her.

Nicole stood up.

“I told you I saw him he was packing his stuff. If you don’t stop him he will go.” She began pacing. “Surely you can tell him something to stop him. Tell him the baby is coming. He won’t leave then.” She suggested.

“Nicole I really think you need to calm down and start listening to me.” El told her and led her back to the sofa.

“You need him El, I mean you look a mess. What have you done to your hair? It’s only been a day!” Nic told her absently.

“Thanks Nicole!” Ella muttered and smoothed her hand over her hair.

Nic stood again.

“Yes that’s it. We’ll tell him the baby is coming and he’ll come over and see you all Glam and you’ll seduce him and he’ll stay.” Nic told her. “Now come on you need to shower and do your hair.” She ushered Ella up the stairs despite her protests.

Aden stormed into Roman’s house and saw the other man bringing down a suitcase.

“So what Nic said is true.” He muttered. “Were you planning on telling us?” he asked him.

“Aden, it is not what you think.” Roman began.

“Look do you think now is a good time just to go off I mean Belle is pregnant and Nic is and Ella, well, she’s way pregnant.” Aden said to him.

He paused before continuing.

“I think we need a lesson in birth control.” He muttered going off subject.

“Aden.” Roman said to him trying to bring his attention back.

Aden stood and walked into the kitchen.

“I’m about to be a dad for the third time and I don’t know how it happened.” Aden said.

Roman grinned at him.

Aden looked up and caught him grinning.

“I mean I know how it happened I just don’t know how it happened. One minute it was just me and Belle and the next we were a family.” Aden said taking out a beer from the fridge and opening it. He sat at the kitchen table and started drinking.

Roman grinned at him.

“Scary isn’t it?” He asked him.

“I love them. Don’t get me wrong but ye gods I have no idea if I’m doing this dad thing ok.”

“Uh huh” Roman said still grinning, suspecting the man was trying for reverse psychology.

“I mean who are my role models. You, well that is great but when it gets tough you just up and leave Roman. I can’t do that. Although I think I envy you. I know what Belle is like when she is hormonal.” Aden muttered disjointedly. “Take me with you.” Aden asked suddenly.

“Aden, I’m sorry but where I’m going, well let’s just say you would be third wheel.” Roman told him about to tell him he was moving in with Ella.

“You have someone else?” Aden muttered disgustedly. “How could you?” Aden stood up and glared at Roman before storming out slamming the door. The remaining picture on the wall dropped to the floor and the glass smashed.

Roman laughed and reached for his phone.

“Hello.” Ella said quickly.

“You sound strange are you ok?” Roman asked her.

“Your daughter has put a face mask on me. She seems to think that I need a make over post break up. Oh and she’s about tell you I’ve gone into labour and I need you. For my part I have to seduce you when you come over.”

Roman chuckled.

“Well honey, I’ve just had Aden round and I was trying to tell him that I was moving in with you but he ended up thinking I was going to another woman.” Roman told her.

She laughed.

“Hang on I have to go. She’s found nail polish.” She hung up after hearing Roman laughing and she tried hard not to smile she didn’t want to get told off for cracking the face mask.

Nic’s phone rang and she answered.

“Aden. I have a plan.” She said into it.

She listened for a moment.

“I’m telling you Nic, he’s moving in with another women. He admitted it to me.” Aden told her.

“Oh no, this is worse than I thought. We have to get them back together and El can’t find out or she’ll kill him.” Nic muttered.

“Look she’s nearly ready. Go back to Roman and tell him you had a phone call from me and you think Ella is going into labour and needs him to come over.”

“Er Nic. I’m a doctor.” Aden reminded her. “Surely she would want me to come over not Roman.”

“Good point. Oh why are these hormones messing with my brain.” She said crossly.

He refrained form commenting.

“I heard that.” She told him.

“I didn’t say anything Princess.” Aden defended.

She giggled

“No, but you were thinking it very loudly.” She said. “If I do it then he will get suspicious. I know I’ll get Ella’s phone and do it.”

Aden chuckled.

“You are devious. Does Geoff know this side to you?” Aden asked.

Nic laughed.

“Of course and he still married me!” She told him. “I have to go. This had better work.”

Aden hung up the phone and went home to Belle. He walked up to her and held her for a long time.

“Ella you look very Glam.” Nic told her. “He’ll be nuts not to want you.” She told her.

Ella laughed.

“Nic you are lying, I look very pregnant.” She told her.

“Yeah, but that is so sexy.” She told her. “Now I need to borrow your phone I left mine at home.”

Ella laughed.

“So that annoying ring tone wasn’t yours?” she asked Nic and saw her blush.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Nic told her not meeting her eyes.

“Fine Nicole. I’ll go get it.” Ella walked slowly up the stairs and found her phone. She cleared the call history before bringing it back down and handing it to Nic.

She watched as Nic dialled Roman’s number.

“Dad!” she said into the phone sounding panicked after he’d answered.

“Nic?” he questioned wearily.

“I think El might be in labour.” She gasped.

Roman stifled his laughter.

“It really isn’t anything to do with me anymore.” Roman said, determined not to make it easy for Nicole.

“Dad!” she protested.

“Nic, I’m sorry if you think I’m harsh.” He said to her. “But Ella and I are sorted.” He told her, a little bit truthfully.

Nic looked at Ella who was trying not to laugh and walked over and poked her in the arm.

“Ouw!” El cried out.

“Did you hear that Dad. She really needs you. You have to be here. She won’t let me call anyone but you.” Nic told him and hung up the phone. “I’m going to go so I expect you to do your bit.” She warned Ella who was struggling not to laugh.

Nic kissed her and walked out of the door.

Within moments her phone rang.

“Hey.” She answered.

“Hey, Just checking that you haven’t really gone into labour.” Roman told her.

She chuckled.

“That was your daughter poking me in the arm. She thought that my laughter might not fool you.” El told him.

“Uh huh” Roman laughed. “I thought I brought her up better that to commit violence on a pregnant woman and no, do not mention the spanking incident.”

She laughed at him.

“Me? Mention that night?” she told him softly. “Are you about packed?” she asked.

“Just loading up the car now. I’ll be over soon. I love you.” Roman told her.

“Love you too.” She replied and hung up.

She went into the kitchen and started cooking dinner for them.

He arrived an hour later and walked in.

“Hey.” He called out.

“In here.” She called and he walked into the kitchen.

“Well.” He said stopping and looking at her.

Her hair was pinned up in curls on the top of her head and she was barefoot wearing a tight T-shirt and short shorts. Nic had painted her lips with this shiny gloss that made her mouth look kiss-able. She had her toenails painted a scarlet red and a gold ankle bracelet on. He was really starting to have a thing for her ankles he thought.

Bump was just about showing between the shorts and the T.

“Is that dinner?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Can it wait?” he said his voice strangled.

She smiled and nodded.

He walked up to her and kissed the lip-gloss off her lips. She wound her arms around his neck and held him to her for a long moment before he led them up the stairs.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 52

He rolled over and smiled. Putting his arm around her he snuggled.

“I have another hour’s sleep before the twins wake up.” She told him grumpily.

“I’ve missed you.” He whispered kissing the back of her neck. “Did you say we had an hour?” he asked.

She giggled.

“Don’t you have to go unpack?” she asked him. “Your stuff is all messy.”

He sighed.

“I suppose so if you don’t want to snuggle.”

She chuckled.

“That isn’t snuggling that part of your body is doing.” She told him.

“I can’t be held responsible for what the…” he paused. “Now what was it you called it?” he said.

She rolled over and pushed him.

“Fine, I’ll have sex with you just don’t embarrass me.” She bargained blushing madly.

He laughed and stroked her face.

“I love you El.” He told her.

“I love you too.” She replied.

He pressed a gentle kiss on her lips and continued stroking her face.

She looked deep in his eyes and saw a lingering hint of sadness.

“What?” she asked.

“Just scared myself thinking that I could have been waking up alone this morning.” He replied.

“Don’t.” she cried. She wrapped her arms around him and clung to him. The baby kicked between them.

She pulled away suddenly.

“I have to tell you something that Gardy said to me.” She told him suddenly.

He leaned on one elbow and pulled her to him.

“What?” he asked sounding calm.

“He said that he may be in jail but we had a life sentence bringing up his child. He asked me what I would do if it were a boy.” She said quickly.

“Has that been praying on your mind.” He asked her.

She nodded.

“I need to know. “ she told him. “And if the baby is his I don’t know if I can keep it.”

“El.” He groaned.

She curled herself in his arms and started to cry.

“Does that make me a bad person?” she asked.

He held her close and put his hand on her belly.

“This is our baby.” He told her. “I’m sure of it. But no, I understand only too well feeling like that. I love you El.” He told her softly. “I’ll be there every step of the way and any decision we’ll make together. I promise.”

She clung to him as tears overtook her and she sobbed in his arms.

Eventually calming she looked deep into his eyes.

“My Hero Husband.” she called him.

He smiled and kissed her.

“I really can’t tell you enough how much I love you right now.” He told her.

“That’s funny because I just feel so overflowing with love for you too right now.” She told him her eyes shinning.

He hugged her close before rolling over and standing up out of bed.

“Hey!” she grumbled. “What happened to my sex?”

He chuckled.

“Messy stuff remember. I think we might need to buy another wardrobe too.” He moaned.

She giggled at him and hit him with a pillow.

He laughed and climbed back into bed.

“I love you.” He said and kissed her slow.

She wrapped her hands around him and stroked his back.

“I love you too, my hero husband.” She told him softly. “I missed you so much the other night. I cried myself to sleep.”

“I wasn’t too good either I didn’t even go to Miles’ and get drunk.” He confessed with a grin.

“Oh my baby” she said softly stroking his face.

She felt a tear trickle down his face.

“I love you El.” He said.

“Don’t.” she said. “Please don’t.” she told him.

“I need you El.” He said softly.

She kissed him, pulling him close, until they were one.

Nic opened the door of her dad’s house and saw all his stuff gone. She went upstairs and into the nursery that he had decorated for the twins and saw the cots dismantled and put to one side.

She sighed and pulled out her phone.

“Hello.” She said.

“Nic.” Roman murmured, more for the benefit of El who was sitting on the sofa next to him.

“Where are you Dad?” she asked.

“I’m not far away.” He told her.

“Is it true that you have a woman on the go?” she asked him bitterly. “I’m at the house now and you’ve taken the cots down.”

El held out her hand for the phone.

Roman grinned and handed it over.

“Nicole Campbell will you stop phoning your Dad every five minutes I’m trying to have sex with him.” she said in comedy accent.

She heard Nicole say an obscene word and hang up on her.

“Ella.” He muttered.

“Ouh, I recognise that tone I’m about to get another spanking aren’t I?” she asked with a grin.

“I love you.” He told her grinning.

She smiled at him.

“Good slave, carry on with my foot massage.” She ordered.

He rubbed her feet and heard her give a little moan when his fingers brushed the inside of her ankle.

“Do you like that?” he whispered.

“It’s rather nice.” She told him.

She looked over at her daughter who had pulled herself up and was looking at them from the side of the playpen. She was giggling so El put down the newspaper she was half reading and lifted her legs to the floor manoeuvring gracefully despite the bowling ball she was now carrying in front of her and stood up picking up Sophie and started dancing with her.

Roman laughed at her.

“Daddy is laughing at us.” El said to her daughter.

Sophie clapped her hands together and held them out to Roman.

“I think Sophie wants Daddy to dance too.” She told him and held out her hand to him.

He stood up and took his girls into his arms and kissed them both.

El handed over Sophie to him and turned to pick up Georgie and bring him into the dance.

They danced for two songs before the children were put back into the playpen and Roman took her into his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder and moved in time to the music with his arms around her.

“I feel so peaceful.” She told him.

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to her head.

She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes.

“I love you.” She said quickly feeling suddenly fearful.

He laughed and stroked her face.

“I love you so much my beautiful El.” He told her.

They kissed.

She pulled away and clicked open her phone.

“Hi Nic, what’s the matter?” she asked. “Slow down.”

“It’s Dad, he’s gone.” She told her. “I thought you were going to do something about him leaving.” She muttered.

“Nic, I’m sorry but your dad made up his own mind.” She told her and had to hold the phone away from her ear as the other girl started swearing.

She grinned and handed the phone over to him.

“Nicole.” He said sharply.

His voice cut through her tirade.

“Daddy?” she asked.

“Yes Nic, we tried to tell you yesterday but you wouldn’t listen. El and I are together.”

“Together?” she asked. “As in?”

“As in we are living together.” He told her. “I was packing my stuff to move in here.” He said. “Now do you really think I would leave all of you?”

Nic sighed.

“I was worried.” She said.

Ella gestured for the phone to be handed over.

“Nic, why don’t you bring Angel and Mike over and hang out with us today? We were planning on calling you all later anyway.” El said to her.

“Are you sure?” she asked her.

“Of course I am. See you later.” She told her and hung up.

“Bang goes our day.” Roman told her.

“Uh huh… I think you better give Aden a ring and put his mind at ease too!” she told him. “And if I find out there has been another woman you’ll get the cat and all the kittens.” She told him walking into the kitchen.

“About those kittens, we are giving them away aren’t we?” he asked following her.

She smiled at him without answering.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 53

“Hey.” He called softly. “You shouldn’t be down here on the cold floor.”

She put her finger on her lips and he bent down next to her.

She put her hand in the box and stroked Cookie before picking up one of the kittens. She handed it to him.

“They are still so small.” He commented and placed the kitten back with Cookie. “We’re going to be keeping them aren’t we?” he asked her seeing her eyes shinning.

She looked at him.

“Actually, I’m feeling a bit of a hypocrite. I want to keep her kittens but I’m thinking about giving away my baby. How am I going to explain to Sophie and Georgie that I threw away their sibling.” She said softly.

He pressed a kiss to her lips.

“I don’t have any answers El, I just want to stop this hurting and I feel awful that I can’t.” he said.

“Protecting me again?” she asked without malice.

He nodded.

“Now come on we need to get you to bed.”

She looked at him and smiled.

“No actually we need to go to the hospital.” She told him. “I have Nic coming over to take care of the twins.”

“Now?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Don’t worry we have plenty of time.” She told him with a laugh at the look on his face.

“Are you sure? Couldn’t this be the Brax thingy?” he asked.

“No I’ve been timing them and my water broke. We’ll leave as soon as Nic gets here. So why don’t you go and get dressed.” She suggested and kissed him, before clutching her side.

He watched helplessly as the contraction went through her.

“Go get dressed.” She told him laughing as the contraction eased.

He came back down 5 minutes later in a slightly calmer frame of mind. Nic had arrived with Angel.

“Geoff is outside he said he’ll drive you.” She told them.

Roman nodded.

He picked up the bag she had already packed and helped her into the car. They drove to the hospital and went inside where Rachel was waiting for them.

“Hey El.” She said. “How are you doing?” she asked her.

“I’m ok but I may need some drugs.”

“Are you in pain?” Rachel asked.

“No Roman may need calming down.” She told her with a grin before a contraction struck her.

“Very funny.” He told her.

They made their way to a hospital room.

“I’ll just get a nurse to come in and help you get changed.” Rachel told her.

“I’ll do it.” Roman said quickly.

Rachel looked at them and nodded.

She handed Roman the standard hospital gown and closed the door giving them some privacy.

“How did you know?” she asked, meaning how did you know I’m not comfortable with my nudity.

He shrugged.

“Just a vibe.” He grinned. “I don’t suppose we have time for a quickie?” he asked, distracting her.

She thumped him on the arm.

“Ok that’s it I’m not coming in the delivery room and I may have to warn them that you are violent.”

She looked at him.

“I didn’t spank a pregnant woman.” She said haughtily.

She looked down at the gown she was now wearing. He eased her back on to the cushions before he folded up her clothes and put them in her bag.

“Ouw” she cried.

He moved over to the bed and put his arm around her rubbing the small of her back in slow circles. He held her hand too and let her squeeze his.

“I love you El.” He told her.

She smiled.

“I’m scared.” She told him.

“Of what?” he asked.

“Of loving this baby.” She confessed. “I want this baby so much but how can I look at him or her without seeing him.”

He eased on the side of the bed and put his arms tight around her.

“I don’t know. I don’t have any answers. I know I love the baby already. Miles was right I love the baby because he or she is part of you. I hated you being pregnant at first because all I could think about is how much you were hurt.” He kissed her. “We’ll face this together,” he promised.

She began crying softly and then another contraction began.

“I want drugs.” She moaned.

He chuckled.

“Me too.” He said removing his hand from her grasp and shaking it.

She glared at him.

He smiled back.

She was tempted to hit him but decided to save her energy.

Rachel came back in and ushered Roman out while she examined El

“Are you ok?” Rachel asked her.

She sighed.

“I’m scared.” She confessed. “I need to know.”

“Its ok El I understand.” Rachel told her to try and calm her. “We need to get you into the delivery room.” She told her and summoned orderlies to assist. “Now El I need you to focus you are about to have a baby here.” Rachel grinned as El swore at her.

“Funny I did kind of realise that!” El muttered.

She woke slowly.

“Hey.” He said quietly.

She focused and saw that he was holding the baby.

“Is that her?” she asked groggily.

He nodded.

“I want to hold her.” She told him.

“Are you sure?” he asked softly.

She nodded.

He placed her into Ella’s arms and held her into a more comfortable position, raising the hospital bed and moving the pillows behind her.

Ella looked at her and smiled.

“She’s beautiful.” She said.

“Yes she is. A lot like her mum.” He confirmed.

She looked over at him with tears in her eyes.

“I need a clue here.” He said. “Are these happy or sad tears?” he asked.

“Both.” She told him.

“Uh huh.” He murmured.

“I want to feed her.” El told him.

“El are you sure? If you bond with her.” He warned.

She looked at him.

“Like you haven’t already?” she asked and watched his slow grin.

“Well what are we going to call her?” he asked reaching out and stroking her cheek before kissing El.

“Why don’t you tell me Daddy?” she asked him smiling.

“Me?” he asked.

“Yup.” She told him. “Is only fair I named Georgie and Sophie.”

He grinned.

“I kind of think you named Sophie for me though.” He said and watched as she grinned. “The Princess Sophie books.” He referred to the storybooks he used to read to Nicole when she was small.

She looked at him.

“I may have done. Now what are we going to call her?” she asked him.

“I like Megan.” He told her.

She smiled and looked at the baby.

“Megan.” She called her. “I think that’s beautiful.” She told him.

He kissed her.

“I have a middle name.” She told him softly. ”Hope.”

He tried it out.

“Megan Hope Harris.” He murmured. “Why Hope?”

“Because I never gave up hoping.” She told him. “Hoping you would come home safe and then hoping you would find me and hoping we could get here. Not really.”

“Then that is her name.” He said his voice breaking with emotion.

She kissed him.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 54

“Do we celebrate or what?” Nic asked Geoff.

He shrugged.

“I don’t know Nic.” He replied.

Aden looked over at Belle.

“Why don’t you ring Rachel and find out?” she suggested to her husband.

He nodded and gave her a quick kiss before picking up his phone and walking a little way off.

“I can’t imagine how hard this must be.” Nic said hugging Angel. “To decide whether to keep your baby or not.”

Belle half smiled.

“I know.” She said softly.

Her gaze went to the twins who were asleep in their playpen.

“And all she went through to have those two.” Belle added. “Doesn’t seem fair that this pregnancy has been trouble free.”

Geoff took hold of Nic’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Aden came back in with a grin on his face.

“They’ve called her Megan Hope, she arrived at 3.57 this morning and weighs 6lb2. We can go see them at anytime.”

“They are keeping her?” Nic asked worriedly.

“Yes.” He told them.

Nic smiled even as tears filled her eyes.

“I have a sister.” She told Geoff.

He grinned and hugged her, being careful not to squash Angel who was sitting on her lap.

“Right, we’ll stay here with the twins and you and Geoff and go see them first. Who’s going to tell Mike?” Belle said.

“Roman has already called him. Miles will be fetching him home this evening.” Aden told them.

“How did you know that?” Geoff asked him.

“Because Rachel was in with them taking the swabs for DNA testing and she handed the phone to Roman.” He said with a grin.

“They are still going ahead with the test?” Nic asked standing up and pacing.

“Yes. They need to know but Roman said they are definitely keeping her.” Aden put his arm around Nic as he told her.

“What if..” she began to say.

“Nic.” Aden told her. “They need to know. Won’t make any difference to them. He said El is already in love with her. And he also said that you would notice something when you see her.”

Nic continued to look worried.

“Why don’t you leave Angel with us Nic?” Belle asked softly.

She nodded and looked over at Geoff.

“Come on. “ he said holding out his hand to her.

She placed Angel with Belle and kissed her daughter before taking hold of Geoff’s hand and walking out to the car with him.

They drove to the hospital in silence and made their way to the maternity floor. A quick question at the nurses station and they found the room Ella was in.

Nic looked at Geoff.

“Please don’t let me say something Nicole-like.” She told him.

He grinned.

“I have a feeling you’ll say exactly the right thing.” He told her. He bent his head and placed a kiss to her lips before knocking on the door and walking in.

“Hey.” El said to them.

Nic saw her sitting in the bed and holding the baby.

“Hey!” Nic said.

“Would you like to hold your sister?” El asked with a smile.

Nic felt herself welling up with tears.

“We are keeping her aren’t we?” she asked again.

El nodded.

Roman came around from the other side of the bed and took Nic into his arms.

“We are keeping her.” He told her.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Nic held out her hands and El handed over the baby.

Nic looked at her and really did burst into tears.

“When did you decide?” she asked El.

El grinned.

“Before she opened her eyes.” She said knowing what the other girl was thinking.

“Geoff she has the same eyes as Angel.” She told him. “You’re the daddy.” She said to Roman who was grinning.

Geoff looked at the baby.

“She is beautiful.” He commented.

“Why are you still doing the test?” Nic asked puzzled.

“She’s ours no matter what but we want to have proof just in case.” El said softly.

Nic nodded understanding.

“I have a sister.” She said again to Geoff.

He laughed.

“You do realise you’ll be 50 by the time this one starts dating?” Geoff asked Roman.

“Uh huh.” Roman looked at El who was smiling, “They don’t tend to let them date much in the convents where I’ll be sending her and Sophie.” He told them.

El laughed at him.

“I hope you’ll be sending Georgie to a monastery too.” She told him.

He looked at her.

“Of course.” He said slowly.

She grinned.

“Phone book.” She said to him and watched the slow blush stain his cheeks. He leaned over and kissed her.

“I love you.” He said softly.

She grinned again.

“Are you going to give me my daughter back Nic or are you planning on keeping her?” El asked.

“I don’t know. I kind of like her. She’s perfect.” Nic told them with a grin.

“I used to think the same about you.” Roman told Nic and saw her flash her blue eyes at him.

He grinned at his older daughter.

Nic slowly handed over the baby to El who pressed a kiss to Megan’s head before resting back against the pillows.

“When are they going to release you?” Nic asked her.

“Tomorrow, hopefully. I had a small bleed during delivery so they want to keep an eye on me for a day or so.” She told her.

Geoff exchanged a look with Roman who had gone pale at the mention of the delivery.

“Was it bad?” he asked the other man.

“No, it was fine up until that “small bleed” she just told you about.” He told them. “That’s when they kicked me out and I had to wait outside.”

“What?” El asked grinning, “It was a small bleed. They stopped it and I’m fine.”

“El, why don’t you tell them how long it took to stop it?” he said to her.

“An hour.” She said. “But it was nothing.”

Geoff grinned.

“You should have been with us waiting for the twins. Now that was scary.” Geoff told him. “Nic kept digging her nails into my hand every five minutes and I tell you it took an age to get feeling back in it.”

Nic glared at him before grinning.

El held out her hand to Roman and he took hold of it before sitting on the bed beside her. She squeezed his hand and smiled at him.

“Right I’m going to kick you two out. Tell Aden and Belle to come this afternoon. I think these two need some sleep. And if they don’t, I do.” Roman told them.

Nic stood and pressed a quick kiss to El and then one to her dad before she let Geoff led them out.

Roman held out his arms for Megan and placed her in the crib beside the bed. He lowered the bed and against hospital policy, he climbed on it beside El and held her in his arms. He kissed her softly and she sighed before falling asleep. He yawned and slowly drifted asleep himself.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 55

Ella and Roman settled Megan into the nursery. Sophie had greeted her sister with a giggle while Georgie had frowned at her before crying. Roman had lifted up his son for a man to man talk about his role as the brother and how he would have to protect the two girls. He looked like he was taking in every word and was now looking very worried.

“It’s alright Georgie. Mike will help you.” El told her son.

She leaned over and kissed him.

“Did I hear my name mentioned?” Mike asked from the doorway.

“You just missed Roman instructing his son that he had to protect his sisters. I said you would help him.” El told him.

Mike walked over to the cot and looked at Megan.

Sophie caught sight of her elder brother and clapped her hands at him.

“Hey Soph” Mike said to her. “How’s it hanging?” he asked her.

Sophie gurgled and clapped again.

Mike picked her up and she made a kissy face to him.

He looked embarrassed before planting a kiss on Sophie’s cheek.

She laughed and wiggled her fingers at him.

He sat her back down in the cot and she bounced up and down looking at him. She crawled over to the side of her cot and pulled herself up until she was standing.

Georgie looked at her and made a sound.

Sophie looked round and tumbled back down. She blew a bubble at Georgie. He wiggled his fingers at her before clapping.

“Aahera!” Sophie said and frowned at Georgie.

El laughed at her daughter and kissed her.

“Georgie, I think you just got told off, my son.” She said to him and kissed him too.

She held her arms out to Mike and he walked over to her and she gave him a hug.

“You’re not going to cry are you Mum?” he asked her.

“Maybe a little.” She confessed. “But they are happy tears.” She told him.

He grinned.

“You never used to be this soppy.” He told her.

“I know. Its all his fault.” She said looking at Roman.

“Me?” he said. “I had nothing to do with it.” Roman protested.

He stood and put Georgie back into his cot and saw that Sophie blew a bubble at her brother and they started talking to each other.

“Now that is something I shouldn’t be worried about should I?” Roman asked.

El laughed.

“What their secret language?” El asked him. “Probably not.” She shrugged. “But I did hear the words mind control and supreme ruler mentioned the other day.”

Roman grinned.

“As if. Unless Mike was talking to them too.” He murmured.

Mike looked up.

“Oi” he muttered.

“Come on.” El said leading them out of the nursery and down the stairs.

She yawned and Roman looked over at her, raising an eyebrow.

She just smiled at him and walked into the kitchen to fetch a bottle of water.

Mike put on the tv and surfed through channels before finding something to watch. He settled down on one of the beanbags and sat watching. El sat on the sofa and waited for Roman to join her before she pulled a throw over her and curled up next to him. She felt him stroke her hair as she drifted to sleep.

When she woke up she saw the chess set was out and Roman and Mike were in the middle of a game. She frowned at the board for a minute before grinning.

“Oh no you don’t” Roman told her.

“Don’t what?” she asked innocently.

“Use that weird recall thing of yours to work out what moves we have done and if we’ve copied any grand masters.” He said to her.

Mike looked at him.

“So that’s how she does it?” he asked.

Roman grinned at him.

“Didn’t you know?”

Mike shook his head.

“I’ve never beaten her.” He confessed chagrined.

Roman grinned.

“Don’t worry, neither have I.” He told Mike.

She laughed.

Turning to Roman she grinned as she said.

“You used the Boris Spasky opening. Advance with a pawn “

He groaned.

“There is no way you can know that.” Mike told her.

“Ah, but I can. It’s his favourite move.” She told her son. “And it explains the advance of his Bishop and Knight. What did I used to tell you?” she asked him.

“That chess wasn’t so much about the moves but the person playing.” Mike groaned as he recited.

She grinned.

“I was taught chess at one of my boarding schools and the person beat me every single game. So I went to a library and I read a book on it. Then another. I played her but she still beat me. I told her I was expecting it because of the opening move she used.” Ella stroked Romans back as she spoke. “We played for another week before I beat her for the first time in a year. After that she refused to play with me.”

“So why haven’t I ever beat you?” Mike asked.

“Because you think your moves and I play responding to moves. Puts you on the defensive because you expect me to attack.” She told him.

He grinned and nodded.

Roman looked over at her.

“And how come I have never beaten you?”

“Because you think tactician. You focus on advancing towards the end game while I just set up my pieces on the board. Drives you nuts because you don’t know if I’m being defensive or setting them up to attack.”

He nodded.

“And now we know your secrets” Mike grinned.

She grinned back.

“You know why you’ve never beaten me. There is a difference between that and actually playing me.” She told him.

She heard the first cries from Megan as she was waking for her feeding and eased off the sofa.

Roman caught hold of her hand as she walked past and kissed it. She smiled at him in that special way she had and went upstairs. They heard her talk to the babies via the baby monitor and grinned at each other.

“She’s evil.” Mike said after a minute.

Roman chuckled.

“I’m sure we could beat her if we played together.” He suggested.

Mike smiled and nodded.

They reset the board and waited.

She came downstairs with Georgie and Sophie. She was carrying Sophie and Georgie had wriggled until she set him down on the stairs and he bumped his way down the steps with her holding onto him carefully. She had to hold him as she undid the stair gate at the bottom and let him crawl into the lounge. Sophie clapped and she put her down with her brother. They crawled together. Sophie made straight for Mike and climbed up into his lap.

El bent over into the playpen and brought out some of their toys for them and put them on the floor. Georgie went for the rings and started playing with them.

She looked at the board and at then at Roman and Mike and grinned at them.

“Go on then.” She told them. “I’m black.”

Roman turned the board. He moved to sit on the floor next to Mike and they conferred on the opening move.

She waited.

Their move complete she paused and looked at each of them before making her move.

They conferred before replying.

She chuckled and responded.

They looked on the board and decided to move their bishop.

She grinned and moved her queen.

“Checkmate.” She told them and stood up and walked into the kitchen.

“How the…. “ Mike began to say, editing it because the twins were around. “did she do that?” he asked.

Roman laughed.

“I have no idea.” He confessed. “But you have to admit that she is sneaky!”

Mike nodded.

“I’m going to teach the twins to play I might beat them.” Mike said.

Sophie clapped.

Roman stood and went into the kitchen. He walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist.

“Er… 8 weeks.” She reminded him.

He groaned.

“I know.” He told her resting his chin on her shoulder.

“It’s hard for me too.”

He grinned.

“I didn’t mean that.” She groaned.

“I love you.” He told her.

She patted his hand.

“Take this through to Mike please.” She ordered, nicely, indicating a plate with a couple of sandwiches on.

“And what is my reward?” he grinned.

“I might make you a sandwich too.” She told him.

“Uh huh.” He said and kissed the back of her neck.

She groaned.

“Behave.” She ordered trying to pull away.

He tugged her against his body and kissed her neck some more while his hands stroked her belly before gliding over her body.

“Stop it.” she told him pulling away.

She slapped his hands.

“Don’t .” she muttered suddenly upset.

“El?” he asked.

“I don’t want you to touch me, ok.” she told him.

She folded her hands across her stomach.

“Ok.” he said calmly, and picked up the plate to take through to Mike. He returned a moment later and she handed him a sandwich.

“Thank you.” He said politely and took it through to the lounge.

She followed later with drinks for them.

She sat next to Roman on the sofa and he pulled away for a moment before settling back against the cushions.

She tried to smile at him but found that her face was tense and it came out more like a grimace. She took a bite of her sandwich before placing it on the table her appetite disappeared. Roman forced himself not to say anything or to discard his own sandwich even though it now tasted like sandpaper in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed, washing it down with the soda.

Eventually he looked over at El. She looked at him. He wanted to reach for her but the thought of being rejected again was forefront in his mind. He hated feeling that they were ok but then something would happen and it was like they were walking on a tightrope all over again.

She looked deep into his eyes and held out her hand.

He took it and held tight, she moved closer to him and he put his arm around her.

“Memories?” he asked, whispering in her ear.

She nodded slowly.

He pressed a kiss to her head and she sighed and snuggled closer to him.

“I love you.” she told him.

“Uh huh.” He commented.

“Seven weeks, 5 days.” She told him.

“Uh huh.” He said. “Maybe I can’t wait.” He suggested.

“Oh, I think I can make it worth your while.” She told him.

He grinned.

“And you said that without blushing.” He told her.

“Excuse me, but you do have kids in the room and I do know exactly what you are talking about.” Mike said to them.

El blushed and stood up collecting her plate and taking it through to the kitchen. She head Roman’s laughter and blushed some more.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 56

El sat waiting for her appointment to see Rachel. She had left Megan for the first time and she was feeling nervous despite or in spite of Roman’s how hard can this Dad thing be comment. She had left a little over 45minutes ago and was now clock watching. She wanted to know how exactly she was supposed to return to her old lifestyle when she didn’t ever want to leave the house. She thought back to her single days when she had learnt to surf, rode a motorbike and mountain climbed. She had once been voted the coolest Mum at Mike’s boarding school and was feeling frustrated that she wasn’t as fit as she used to be or, well, as reckless. She remembered when he’d begged to be picked up by her on the back of the bike and she’d eventually relented, doing a wheel spin in the gravel drive, tossing him a helmet and riding off with him on the back. Nowadays, she was far more likely to try and fit training wheels to the motorbike.

Eventually Rachel’s door opened and she was ushered inside.

“Hey El, sorry for the delay.” Rachel greeted.

“No problem.” El said.

Rachel took a look at her.

“First time leaving Megan?” She asked.

El nodded.

“When did I become this other person. I was never that nervous about leaving Mike. Or even the twins.” El grimaced. “Ok, maybe I was and I’ve blocked it from my memory.” She shrugged.

Rachel laughed.

“I don’t have any answers I was the same.” She confessed. “Now can I get you on the examination table please.”

“I should point out that I’ve told Roman we have to wait a full 8 weeks.” El told her.

Rachel grinned.

“Planning something special?” she asked her.

El blushed.

“Maybe.” She said grinning.

Rachel went into Doctor mode and conducted the examination.

“Well you can go ahead with whatever you were planning.” She told her. “And I have something else for you.” Rachel handed her an envelope.

El got dressed and put the hospital gown to one side before accepting and opening it with shaking hands. She read the results and burst into tears.

Rachel walked over and gave her a hug.

“Its all over now.” She said to her.

El nodded.

“I know but I was still so scared. I love her so much and I didn’t want to go home and tell him that..” her voice trailed off. “I still have flashbacks when I’m with Roman.” She told Rachel in a whisper.

“Does he know?” she asked.

El shook her head.

“I can’t. “

“Why ever not? I’m sure he’ll understand.” Rachel said matter of fact.

“What that I’m afraid of him.” El confessed.

“Of Roman?” Rachel said.

She nodded.

“Why?” Rachel asked quickly.

“Because sometimes in my dreams its not Gardy.” El said softly.

“You dream its Roman?” she asked.

El nodded again.

“He’s so strong and I loved that about him but sometimes I feel trapped by him and I can’t move or breathe. I tried faking it once but he guessed and told me he preferred to know.” She blushed. “He pulls away from me and then we get into the guilt cycle where we both feel like its our fault and we don’t talk about it.”

Rachel sighed.

“What about some counselling?” she asked.

“I’ve thought about it and we have suggested it to each other but well it gets better and we think its ok.” she told her.

“But it’s not?” she asked.

El looked at her.

“Sometimes it’s not ok. A few weeks ago we were snuggling in the kitchen and I suddenly went nuts at him. And I wasn’t thinking about Gardy it was Roman who was holding me too tight and touching me.” El told Rachel, her voice shaky. “And I know that if I hadn’t had been able to sleep next to Roman when it first happened I wouldn’t have got through it. Those first nights when I was so scared of the dark and he was there.”

El took a deep breath.

“So, what’s your opinion Doc? Am I completely mad?” she asked her.

“I wouldn’t say mad, I would say you are suffering PTSD.” Rachel told her clinically. “I think you need to sit down with him and let him know.”

El nodded.

“I knew you were going to tell me that.” She half-grinned.

“And the other thing. I know this was a stress free pregnancy for you but the warning still stands. You had another significant bleed during delivery.” Rachel began telling her.

El looked at her and nodded.

“I mean it El.” Rachel said. “No looking at me with those big eyes of yours and saying oops you forgot. You were carried away in the moment.”

El grinned.

“I wasn’t the one who forgot.” She said then clamped a hand over her mouth.

Rachel grinned at her.

“You didn’t remind him either.” Rachel told her guessing correctly.

El grinned.

“I was rather distracted at the time.” She admitted.

“And what about when Megan was conceived?” she asked.

El blushed.

“I was overcome by the moment. Both times.” She grinned.

“Uh huh.” Rachel shook her head. “Well no more please El.”

El looked at her.

“Message received and understood. Perhaps I’ll try the pill again.”

Rachel nodded.

She looked on the computer beside her and pulled up Ella’s notes.

“Well we can try you with this one.” She said to her naming a brand. “It’s a mini pill so you’ll have to take it at the same time every day. If you miss one take it as soon as you remember and use other methods of birth control. Now you can take it at any time in your cycle but I recommend the first day. And it will be two weeks before it becomes effective.” Rachel went through the instructions.

“It won’t affect breast feeding?” El asked.

Rachel shook her head.

“No it will be fine. But if you have any unusual symptoms then come back and see me.” Rachel said softly.

El nodded and accepted the prescription from Rachel.

“Ok you can go now.” Rachel told her grinning.

“Was I starting to fidget?” she asked.

Rachel nodded.

“Thank you” she said to her.

El walked out of the hospital and drove to the chemist picking up the prescription and a few other items before heading home.

She walked in through the front door and sniffed. Roman had been cooking, she thought.

“Hey.” She called out.

“I’m in the kitchen.” he told her.

She walked though and saw him and the twins in their high chairs. She placed kisses on each of them.

“Where’s my girl?” she asked.

Roman looked blank for a moment, watching as she glared at him.

He grinned at her.

“Oh you mean the other baby. I think she’s in the other room. How did we end up with three?” he asked.

She looked at him.

“I’m still waiting for you to tell me that, Mr I’ll take care of it.” she grinned back at him.

Roman blushed.

She smiled slowly gave him another kiss and went to see her little girl.

She picked her up and cuddled her kissing her and waking her up.

Roman watched from the doorway.

“Something I should know?” He asked.

She looked at him.

“Oh God, sorry.” She told him. “Rachel had the results back. Congratulations Daddy.” She said to him a beaming smile on her face.

“Uh huh.” He said. “That’s funny I didn’t know you went to see Rachel.” He told her.

She smiled.

“I bumped into her.” She lied, covering up.

“Really?” he asked raising an eyebrow. “And she just happened to be carrying an envelope with her?” he asked suspiciously.

She looked at him.

“No I bumped into her and she told me so I went to the hospital on the way home.” She bent the truth.

Roman looked at her for a long moment before walking back into the kitchen.

She waited a couple of minutes then followed him.

He stood with his back to her before turning and looking at her.

“Are you seeing Aden?” He asked her jealously.

She started.

“What?” she asked.

She groaned.

“I don’t believe you asked me that.” She said eventually.

She handed over Megan to him and turned around and walked over to her shopping bag.

She tipped out the contents on the top. He took in the boxes of various condoms and the bottle of massage oil and fragrance bath oils and foams.

“I was planning a surprise for my husband and asked Rachel to bring up the date of my appointment.” She said angrily.

She took Megan out of his arms and went upstairs. He went after her.

“Don’t follow me.” She told him.

He turned and walked back into the kitchen and swore before remembering the twins were with him. Opening the fridge he took out a beer and opened it taking it out the back. He drank it slowly and contemplated how he could apologise. He wasn’t sure whether it was a good thing she hadn’t thrown anything at him, or if that were a bad thing.

She came out to him a while later.

“Its not working is it?” she asked him. “Us?”

He started.

“No. Do not go there.” He warned.

“Then why would you think I would be seeing someone else?” she asked him.

“Because you are beautiful and anyone could fall in love with you.” He said.

She looked at him.

“I was under the impression that you did.” She said to him.

He flinched.

“I am in love with you. I love you. I can’t stand anyone else looking at you.” He groaned.

She sat down and put her head in her hands.

“I never thought you were this uncertain about us.” She said finally.

He sat next to her.

“I’m not uncertain about us.”

“Then its me?” she asked.

“No.” he groaned again. “El I love you and I can’t stand being jealous but I am. I need you so much and I can’t bare it that you can be so distant from me.” He finally admitted.

She stood and moved away from him.

“I want to slap you right now.” She said angrily.

He looked up at that.

“Why?” he had to ask.

“Because there is no one else for me.” She told him.

She turned and faced him.

“I’m scared of you.” She told him gently. “I know you won’t hurt me Roman. I know that but sometimes I feel scared of you. Scared of your strength. And I hate feeling that way. I hate being with you and wanting it just to stop because I don’t want to be hurt.”

He stood up and walked away.

“El.” He said, his voice hurt. “I had no idea that you felt this way.” He told her. “I didn’t think.” He said shaking his head.

“Roman.” She said angrily. “Stop it.”

He looked up.

“I know ok. Why do you think I haven’t been able to tell you this stuff.” She reached out her hand to him pleadingly.

“This hurts me too. I dream of that night and sometimes its not him its you. And I hate it. I hate feeling powerless. I hate being with you and feeling out of control.”

He couldn’t look at her and just wanted to smash something.

“How could you keep that from me?” he asked.

“Because of this. Knowing that my telling you would hurt you.” She said.

He looked at her and then walked into the house and up the stairs. She followed him.

“El. Please I need some time.” He said huskily.

She sat next to him on the bed.

“Really?” she asked.

“El. You think I’ll hurt you. I need time to adjust.”

She shook her head.

“No, I don’t think that. I’m scared of that. I don’t think it.” she tried to explain again. “I love you Roman. You are my husband and I could never have got through what happened without you but yes I get scared sometimes, when you hold me, when its dark, when its passionate and I feel your weight.” She placed her hand on top of his.

He flinched at her touch.

He stood and walked to the other side of the room.

“Do you have any idea how scared I was to make love to you the first time. Here in this bed.” He said to her.

“Yes.” She said simply.

He glanced at her.

“I wasn’t scared. Not that night. I was ready to take that step.” She told him. “Even when you had me pinned to the sofa for that fraction of time.” She said reminding him.

He flinched once more now thinking of that.

“I pinned you.” He said with fresh realisation.

She nodded.

“Rachel said that it is a form of PTSD.” She told him.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Just not tonight. I had something else in mind.” She admitted.

He grinned.

“I noticed.” He said, with a quick grin.

He folded his arms across his chest.

“I hope you weren’t planning on using all of those tonight I don’t think I have the energy.” He said eventually.

She stood up and faced him.

“Roman.” She said huskily.

He walked around to her and she opened her arms and held him.

“I love you.” she told him.

He shook for a moment before looking at her. He caught her face in his hands and kissed her.

“I had dinner ready. The twins have probably eaten it now.” He told her.

She smiled.

“I’m hungry.” She told him. ”Probably because of all that sex I had with other men this afternoon.”

He pulled away from her and looked at her.

“Not funny.“ He said. “Really not funny.”

She smiled at him slowly.

“You’re lucky I’m seeing the funny side.” She warned him.

He led her downstairs and into the kitchen. She sat watching him as he finished cooking the meal. She opened the fridge and pulled out the Twins dinner. She heated it and put it into bowls for them. They each liked to hold a spoon but hadn’t yet worked out how to get the contents of the bowl into their mouths. Get it all over the kitchen yes but not into their mouths. She fed them cooing and Aahing at their antics.

She cleaned them up and lifted them out to go play watching as they alternately toddled and crawled into the lounge.

Roman turned and looked at her. She held out her hand and he pulled her to him.

She went into his arms and resting her head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry. “ He told her.

“For what?” she asked. “Because I don’t want you to be sorry because there are times I can’t control my feelings. It’s not you.”

“I’m sorry for thinking of me when you told me actually. I nearly had a go at you for keeping it secret but I don’t have the automatic right to know what is going through your head do I?” he questioned. “Not after what you’ve been through.”

She looked at him.

“No. I know that I’ve been able to tell you what happened but some things hurt me so deeply that it takes time to admit them to myself. I was only able to talk to Rachel about this stuff for the first time today. It’s not been an intentional keeping back of things.”

He sighed and rubbed his face.

“El What I said before…” he began.

She pulled away.

“Do you still believe that I could be unfaithful?” she asked bitterly.

He shook his head.

“Believe no, suspect yes. “ he admitted honestly. “Because I think all men will want you the same as me. “

“So I’m weak willed enough to go with anyone who wants me?” she asked. “My God Roman.” She gasped. “How could you think that of me?”

He groaned.

“No El, please. I didn’t mean that.”

She walked into the lounge and sat on the sofa. Slow tears filled her eyes and she wiped them angrily away.

He followed.

“El. Please. That wasn’t what I meant.” He said trying again.

She looked at him and he could see that she had been crying.

He groaned.

“Yes I suspect. Ok. I admit it. I’m jealous ok. But I don’t believe that you would.”

She pulled away from him.

“I need some space. Why don’t you go finish whatever in the kitchen.” she suggested.

“El?” he asked wearily.

“Go.” She said her voice hard.

He sighed.

He stood and went into the kitchen finishing the dinner. He pulled out a bottle of champagne from the fridge and glasses from the cupboard. He collected the cutlery and the plates and put them on a tray to take through to set the table. He finished cooking the vegetables and making the sauce.

He turned off the heat and stood uncertain of what to do next. She walked into the kitchen and put her arms around his waist.

“El?” he asked.

“”Were you expecting someone else?” she asked.

“Yes.” He replied.

She pulled back and slapped him on his backside.

“Ouh!” he said.

He turned and looked at her.

“Am I forgiven?” he asked.

“Not yet.” She told him. “I might need some extra TLC.” She muttered.

“Are you ready for food?” he asked.

She nodded.

He picked up the tray and went and set the table. He added some candles to the table setting.

She went slowly up the stairs and changed out of her clothes and into something slinky. Checking on Megan in her cot on the way back down.

He served up the food and opened the champagne.

She walked into the lounge and he wolf whistled.

“You like?” she asked.

He nodded.

She looked at him and accepted a glass of champagne from him.

“What are we celebrating?” she asked.

“Just making it through another day.” He grimaced.

She laughed.

“Uh huh.” She reached out and stroked his arm.

He reached around and pulled her into his arms bending his head and kissing her fiercely.

She pulled away and looked at him.

“Not in front of the twins.” She told him.

“Oh they are used to seeing us kiss now.” He said.

She laughed.

She went and picked up Sophie.

“Are you ready for a nap little girl?” she asked her.

Sophie clapped her hands.

“Is that a yes?”

Sophie nodded and blew a bubble.

She placed her into the playpen and then bent down to pick up Georgie who had crawled up to her.

“Hello my boy” she said to him giving him a kiss.

He put his hands in her hair and kissed her back before clapping his hands.

She placed him next to Sophie and pulled blankets over both of them.

Turning back to the table she saw that Roman was holding out her chair for her and she sat in it letting him push it under the table. He topped up her glass and she lifted her brows at him.

“Planning on getting me drunk?” she asked.

He laughed.

“No just mellow.” He replied.

She smiled and sipped the drink.

They ate the meal in silence.

“What’s for desert?” she asked him.

“I made chocolate mousse.” He told her.

She grinned.

“And you were planning on serving that in the same room as Sophie?” she asked him.

He chuckled.

“You have a point, she does take after you.”

“Oi” she gasped.

He held out his hand and she put her hand into his, he then led her over to the sofa where he pulled her into his arms and sat with her snuggled up close to him.

“El.” he said softly.

She sighed.

“I still can’t believe you thought that.”

“I know.” He groaned. 2If it makes you feel better you can spank me later.”

She looked at him and burst out laughing.

“I have the feeling that you would enjoy that.” She said to him.

He grinned.

“I hadn’t given it much thought until just now in the kitchen.”

She pulled back and looked at him seeing the slow stain of blush on his cheeks.

“Maybe if you are a good boy later.” She told him laughing.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 57

El was tucked up in bed when Roman finally walked up the stairs. He looked at he saw Cookie curled up on his pillow. The kittens were also nearby.

“El can you move the cat.” He said to her.

“No. You move her.” El replied sleepily.

He walked round to his side of the bed and sat down. The cat looked at him and he starred back. She hissed at him when he went to move her off.

“El please.” He asked.

“Roman grow up and just move the cat yourself.” She grumbled and pulled the covers up.

Roman looked at her and stood up.

He made his way out of the room and she heard one of the other bedroom doors opening.

She climbed out of bed and went to see what he was doing. She looked at him as he lay on one of the spare beds. She looked at him disgustedly and went back to bed. He stood and followed her only to find she had not only closed but had locked the bedroom door.

“Great.” He muttered and went back to bed in the spare room.

He tossed and turned all night. When Megan started crying he went to help her but she closed the nursery door in his face. He stormed back into the spare room and slammed the door. He heard the twins start crying at the noise and he swore.

The morning came quickly and he felt even grumpier as he got up and went to do his shift at the diner. When he came home at lunchtime El had taken the children out. He checked his phone to see if she’d texted him and there was nothing. He texted her and waited. After an hour of silence he went to the gym for a workout.

He walked along the beach afterwards and bumped into Leah. They made arrangements to catch up over a drink later and he made his way home. He saw that El had been back and had drafted Nic to baby-sit.

“Ok, where is she?” he asked his daughter.

Nic smiled.

“I actually don’t know. She asked me to look after the babies while she went out.” She told him.

He groaned and clicked open his phone.

She hadn’t even sent him a text. He typed another message and told her he was heading to the surf club for a drink with Leah later and would she like to join them. He got the delivery report and clicked his phone shut.

“What did you do Dad?” Nic asked.

“I acted like an ass.” He confessed. “And yes she has every right to be mad at me.”

Nic laughed.

“Can I suggest flowers?” she told him.

He grinned.

“Flowers, chocolates and a cuddly toy for this one Nic.” He told her and went into the kitchen to make a drink.

Nic followed.

“God Dad what is going on with you two?” she asked him.

“I don’t know, “ he told her. “I just seem to have this knack for saying the wrong thing.” He shrugged making light of it but knew deep down he and Ella were in trouble.

He offered Nic a drink and she shook her head worriedly.

“Nic, please don’t look like that. I promise I will do everything I can to keep El and I together,” he said.

“Dad the fact that you’ve just admitted that its reached that stage, again, to me means that I should be worried.” Nic told him.

He nodded.

“When did my daughter get so wise?” he asked.

“That would be when I got El for a mother.” She told him tears springing into her eyes.

“I love her Nic. I will fight for her.” He promised hugging his daughter.

She began to cry in earnest.

“I hope these are hormones too?” he half asked.

She nodded.

“Geoff is already treating me with kid gloves because everything makes me cry.” She confessed.

He placed a kiss on her head.

He drank his coffee out back looking on the garden El had created. She’d confessed that she had planted the Herb garden for him and he had smiled for a day. But that was before he’d moved in, when it had seemed like such a loving gift. Now he looked at it and he grimaced. It needed some TLC and he didn’t know whether to tackle it or let El.

He went back inside and up the stairs slowly, He went into the bathroom and took a long shower. He dressed and left Nic looking after the babies while he went to the surf club. Their still hadn’t been any sign of a message form El and he was started to worry. He pitched up at the bar and accepted a beer from Alf.

He sat on the sofa and waited for Leah.

“Roman.” She said when she arrived.

“You want a drink?” he asked.

She nodded.

“I could do with a large glass of wine.” She admitted with a sigh.

He stood and ordered a bottle bringing it and a couple of glasses over to the table. They sat together and she filled him in on the latest exploits of VJ.

He found himself laughing light-heartedly.

They ordered another bottle and were soon making short work of that. He leant forward listening to something she said and found himself looking at her lips. He checked the movement and pulled away.

As he did so he looked up and saw El standing looking at him.

“El.” He said quickly.

She shook her head and he saw her pull off her rings and throw them at him.

“Ella.” He said standing up.

“No.” she cautioned. “Don’t come near me.”

She turned and walked away. He bent down and picked up her rings and tucked them in his pocket.

He walked out trying to find her but she had gone pulling away in her car. He swore and pulled out his phone to ring Nic. He saw it flashing and he answered the call.

“Since you accused me of it I’m going to do it.” El told him.

“Look….” he began.

“Let me guess it wasn’t what it looked like? Give me a break. I want you out of my house by the time I get back.” She told him and hung up.

He swore.

Opening the phone again he dialled Nic.

“Dad, she told me she won’t be back until tomorrow.” She told him after he’d asked. “I don’t know where she would have gone.”

“Thanks Nic.” He told her. “Are you ok with the babies for the night?”

“Yes, Geoff has brought Angel over so we are going to stay here.” She told him. “You really screwed up this time.”

He laughed.

“Big time.” He admitted.

He rang off and dialled Miles.

“Roman.” Miles greeted.

“You don’t sound surprised to hear from me?” he said.

“Well I’ve had El here today and she didn’t say anything but she didn’t seem happy.” Miles said to him.

Roman groaned.

“I know and I’ve just made things worse.” He said. “Can you drive me to the city?” he asked.

“Why?” He asked the other man quickly.

“Because I need to stop El from doing something she’ll regret.” He answered.

Miles groaned.

“What the hell have you done now?” he asked.

“Miles I’ll tell you on the way.” He replied.

“Ok where are you?” Miles said.

“I’m at the Surf club.”

“I’ll be there in 20.” Miles told him and hung up.

Roman put his hand in his pocket and touched El’s wedding and eternity ring.

“Oh Crap.” He muttered.

El danced with Migual. She rubbed against his hard muscular body and gyrated. She was wearing a tight denim mini skirt. A black bra and a sheer gypsy top that was cut short so her midriff was showing. She had on high black boots. Her hair was left loose and curled around her face. She wore silver hoop earrings and a silver bangle.

He tried to keep her as his partner recognising the dangerous glint in her eyes but she danced with others, sexy gyrations with numerous partners. Drinking back vodka shots as though it were mere water.

He caught sight of her husband walking in and grimaced. This would not be a nice friendly encounter. She must have also seen him or sensed his presence because she suddenly kissed the man she was dancing with. He made his way over to El and danced her away from the half-drunken idiot and into his arms.

“Ella what are you doing?” he asked.

She flinched.

“I’m having fun and don’t call me Ella. I am El.” She said, her voice slurred from all the vodka.

“El sweetheart. Are you planning on having sex with someone tonight because you seem to be giving off that vibe?” he asked her softly.

She nodded.

“Do you want me Migual?” she asked him and moved down his body and back up in a graceful movement despite the alcohol.

“Querida, I always want you. But we decided on the rules a long time ago. I am your friend remember. “ He said softly.

“Tonight there are no rules.” She told him huskily moving even closer to him. Her hips pressed against him and he put his thigh between hers.

He groaned.

“Perhaps you should dance with your husband.” He suggested.

El shook her head.

“I’m not married anymore. I decided it was boring.” She declared.

“Uh huh. Do you want a drink?” he asked her.

She nodded.

“And I may need to throw up too.” She told him in a stage whisper.

He laughed.

“Since when do you get drunk?” he asked her.

“Since about when I drank earlier.” She told him.

He put his arm around her and started leading her to the bar, heading for where her husband was standing.

“How much have you drunk El?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“I don’t know it was a lot.” She told him. “I didn’t want to feel tonight.” She said softly. “It hurts too much. I just wanted to have sex with someone.”

He pulled her against him and led her quickly back to the floor.

“What is wrong?”

“My husband nearly kissed someone.” She hissed. “So I’m paying him back.” She added.

“Nearly isn’t kissing.” Migual told her.

She looked at him like he was stupid.

“But I did kiss someone and he made me pay for it. Every day I feel guilty. And he hurts me.” She told him in a little girl voice. “I was alone and pregnant and scared and I became attracted to someone.” She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

“Dance Querida.” He instructed. “Or he’ll see.”

She moved against him letting him hold her close.

“I didn’t hide it. I told him.” she muttered.

“Dance.” He told her.

She swayed, more from vodka than to the sexy salsa music.

“How much did you drink?” he asked again.

She looked at him with her big blue eyes looking wounded.

“A bottle.” She told him.

“Of vodka?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Well nearly, three quarters full.” She admitted.

“El, I really don’t want to be your head in the morning.”

“S’ok I don’t have hangovers.” She confided.

“And how many shots?” he asked.

She looked at him.

“Can’t remember.” She finally said. “But there were lots.”

He laughed.

“I’m going to take you to your husband and send you home with him.” Migual told her.

She shook her head.

“Please don’t.” she begged huskily.

He smiled as he looked down at her.

“Do you want to sort through things or do you want to go home with anyone of the losers in here tonight and not remember what you did in the morning.” He asked her.

She shook her head.

“Neither.” She confessed with a giggle.

He laughed at her.

“Come on.” He led her back toward her husband.

“Hello Roman.” Migual said to him.

“Migual.” Roman greeted.

“Why are you here?” El said angrily.

“Because what ever you do tonight to get back at me you’ll regret.” He told her.

She shook her head and then held it still as the room started to move.

Migual went up to the bar and ordered a bottle of coke, and handed it to her.

She opened it and drank quickly, finishing it. He got her another one and she sipped it this time. Peering over she saw Miles.

“Hey.” She greeted, “Did he draft you to help?” she asked him.

Miles folded his arms across his chest.

“Tonight I’m just the driver, he is on his own.” Miles told her.

Roman looked at him and nodded acknowledging the other man was still PO’d at him. Still not as PO’d as he was at himself.

“He’ll need to get used to that.” She told Miles. “I want a divorce. And I’ll tell you the same thing tomorrow.” She held up her hand. “Before you say its because I’ve been drinking.”

Roman looked at her.

“El. We can get through this.” He told her.

She shook her head.

“I don’t want to get through this Roman. I want you out of my life. I want you out of my house. And take off your stupid ring because it sure as hell means nothing to you.” She turned and went to walk away when he caught hold of her arm.

She screamed and he flinched.

“El.” He said softly.

“Get your filthy hands off me and get the hell away from me. You disgust me and I hate you. I hate you.” She told him, but she wasn’t talking to him she was talking to Gardy in that instant, flashing back to the room and the kidnap.

She flinched.

Roman pulled away from her dropping his hand from her arm. He turned and walked away. Miles followed him quickly.

“Querida?” Migual asked her softly.

She looked at him as though not seeing him.

He took hold of her hand and led her through to the quiet room. A Chill out space for members. He sat her on a sofa and sat next to her. She started shaking and he put his arm around her. In a small voice she told him everything.

Miles stood next to Roman in the street outside the club. He saw the look on the other man’s face and wanted to tell him everything would work out but knew that his words wouldn’t seem to mean anything to the man.

Roman looked at his ring and pulled it off his finger. He took it and El’s rings and handed them to Miles.

“When the time is right give them to her.” He told him.

He walked away a few steps and pulled out his phone and made a call, walking back to Miles after.

“Thank you Miles, I’ve got a lift coming for me.” Roman told him.

“Roman?” Miles asked.

“I’ll be back in the Bay soon.” He told him.

“What’s going on?” he asked the other man.

“I’ve just re-upped.” Roman shrugged.

“You stupid man.” Miles told him. “What about your family?” he asked.

Roman looked down.

“I can’t not now.” He said his voice sad. “I will be back.” He promised.

Miles held out his hand and Roman shook it before he headed for the car and the drive back to the bay.

Migual held El as she cried and waited until she was calm.

“Do you know what you said to him?” he asked her, meaning Roman.

She shook her head.

He told her and saw her pale.

“I wasn’t talking to him.” she groaned.

“I know Querida.” Migual told her. “Perhaps you should tell him, ah?”

She nodded.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she answered the call. She gave brief answers, standing up straighter as she listened. Eventually she hung up and put the phone back in the pocket of her miniskirt.

“Querida?” he asked.

She looked at him.

“Apparently my husband is waiting outside.” She told him.

Migual kissed her on her forehead.

“Then go sort this out.” He told her.

She nodded again and he led them out.

She saw Roman immediately and walked up to him.

“My father says that the army doesn’t do marriage counselling.” She told him.

She folded her arms across her midriff feeling the cold.

He looked at her.

“So I guess he isn’t sending anyone to pick me up.” He muttered.

She shook her head.

“He said if you want to run away try the navy they seem to accept anyone.” She added.

He looked at her and then took his shirt off and placed it around her shoulders. She put her arms through the sleeves and buttoned it up. He was still wearing a vest top and he put his hands in his pockets in the age-old macho way of saying that he wasn’t cold.

“What else did he say?” Roman asked.

“He said that he brought me up better than this and it was my mess and I should sort it out.”

“I’m surprised that you are here.” Roman told her.

“As opposed to?” she asked.

“Well off killing your father.” He half grinned.

She shook her head.

“Apparently he’s in Afghanistan somewhere. And I’m too tired tonight to go kill anyone.”

“Know anywhere I can crash tonight. I’ve sent Miles home.” He asked hopefully.

She nodded and pointed.

“The gutter is over there.” She told him.

He looked at her and saw that she was smiling.

She walked up to the taxi rank and hailed the first cab, climbing in the back and moving over to let him climb in beside her. He closed the door and she gave the address of her studio. He felt her shiver and went to put his arm around her before remembering.

She looked at his face in the reflective glow of the street lamps and pulled his arm around her, snuggling into his body. He sighed and pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head.

They got out of the taxi and she led him up to her apartment above her studio. She clicked on the lights and started to make a strong pot of coffee.

She stood to one side and peeled off the boots to reveal Mickey Mouse socks.

He looked at her feet for a long moment and realised the contrast between the very sexy outfit and the socks. He took a very deep breath realising that for some strange reason he had fallen in love with her all over again because of those socks, and it was swiftly followed by a wave of intense pain as he remembered her words. Not even the hope from her finding him or letting him touch her could stop the sadness washing over him.

She handed him a coffee and sat on the sofa. He sat next to her. She took a long drink before putting her cup on the table.

He held on to his letting the warmth of the cup try and warm his hands.

She took a deep breath.

“It wasn’t you.” She told him.

He looked at her and waited.

“When I said that in the club. I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to him. “

He nodded slowly, feeling so relived despite all the other stuff they had to work through.

“Thank you.” He told her. “What do we talk about?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if we have anything left to talk about.” She admitted honestly.

“I didn’t go to see Leah tonight with any intention of anything.” He said slowly.

She looked and waited.

“Yes you came in and saw me looking at her. Because I was having a good time and Leah was convenient and it wasn’t hard work. The way we have been lately and I know most of that is my fault. But in the split second I knew that it was evil to think with, well, another part of my anatomy and I pulled back.”

She nodded.

“And last night?” she asked.

“I hate the cat.” He told her. “I got in a temper because I was tired and went into another room to sleep. Then we both got mad and it went from there.”

“You hate the cat?” she asked.

He nodded.

“She hates me too.” He said in his defence.

She looked at him.

“Ok I know ok.” he muttered. “But we never had pets when I was a kid and she swears at me. She does it when you aren’t looking.” He flushed.

“So you hate the cat.” She said again.

“And I asked you to move her.” He said.

“Hate or afraid of?” she asked.

“Both.” He said finally.

“Of a cat?”

“El, can you please have your fun at my expense later I’m kind of tired right now.”

She shook her head.

“Why did you catch her for me if you can’t stand her? You knew we’d end up back together.” She said.

“Because you love her.” He answered.

“So you put up with what, a fear of her?”

He nodded.

“Not really fear but sometimes it gets close. I was never around animals as a kid. It wasn’t something my parents encouraged.” He confessed. “Especially living over a restaurant.”

“And the kittens?” she asked.

He shrugged.

“They are ok. Especially the ginger one.” He told her.

“So I can keep them?” she asked.

He found hope running through him at the simple question.

He nodded.

“We’re not in a good place are we though?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“I don’t know where we are. It hurts El. I can’t seem to say the right thing sometimes and it just becomes this big drama.” He yawned.

She nodded.

“Counselling?” she asked.

“I want to do anything.” He told her. “Anything that will get us through this.”

She nodded.

“So last night when you were in the temper why didn’t you shout at me?” she asked.

He flinched.

“When did we last have a knock down fight?” she asked, realisation slowly dawning on her. “When did you last argue back?”

He flinched again.

“I can’t.” he said in a quiet voice.

“Can’t what?” she asked.

“Nothing.” He stood and took his cup to the kitchen and poured out more coffee.

She stood and walked up to him and knocked the cup out of his hand. Scattering china and coffee over the floor.

He pulled away.

“El.” he said.

She looked at him.

He reached for another cup and she picked up the coffee and poured it down the sink.

“Come on that doesn’t tick you off?” she asked.

He shook his head but she could see a nerve jumping in his jaw.

She slapped the cup out of his hand and it fell to the floor and smashed. He pulled away and stepped back.

He walked over to the cupboard to get the broom but she moved and stood in front of it.

“El. You aren’t wearing shoes you could get cut.” He pointed out.

She looked at him and stepped away. He opened the cupboard and then turned when he saw her stepping deliberately on the broken china.

“El, For god’s sake.” He shouted. “Stop it.”

She carried on feeling a jagged piece cut her foot, crying out.

“Stop it.” he shouted again and reached for her and picked her up.

He dropped her on the sofa.

“Stay the hell there.” He shouted and cleared up the mess.

He walked over to her and saw the cut.

“For …. Sake.” He muttered the expletive. “Why can’t you stop pushing me?” he asked angrily.

She pulled away from him.

He tried to see to the cut but she slapped at his hands.

“Ella bloody stop it.” he muttered grabbing hold of her arms.

She pushed at him.

He shook her in his temper before dropping his hands and recoiling in horror.

He dropped his head into his hands and began to cry.

“There its alright.” She said putting her arms around him.

“No it’s not. I can’t get mad at you because I don’t want to frighten you.” He said.

She sighed.

“Roman, it is ok. You won’t hurt me.” She told him. “I trust you. You can’t keep all this negative stuff bottled up. It’s hurting you.” She cradled him to her.

“No El.” He groaned shaking his head. “I can’t”

She smiled at him.

“You have to stop thinking of me as a victim.” She said.

“And what about tonight?”

She shook her head.

“It happens. If I hadn’t been drinking I doubt I would have done it.” she shrugged. “I’m going to have this with me for the rest of my life. I can’t help that but should I let it ruin my life or rule it?” she asked.

She placed her hands on either side of his face and lifted his head.

“But I frighten you. “ he said.

“Yes. Sometimes, just a few occasional times. But I know you won’t hurt me.” She told him. “I trust you not to hurt me.”

He flinched.

“How can you?” he asked hoarsely. “I’m the same as him.”

She shook her head.

“Sorry that’s just pathetic. You are my husband and I love you with all of my heart and I love your strength.” She told him.

“I’m a soldier.” He told her.

“Yes but not him. You couldn’t ever be him.” She said.

She stood and walked into the bathroom. Her foot was really starting to hurt and she needed to see to the cut. After a moment he followed. He saw her struggling to clean the cut on her foot and he took over. He washed it thoroughly checking she didn’t have anything in it, flinching when he heard her in-drawn breath and finally adding antiseptic cream before padding it and putting on the dressing.

She looked at him and he looked at her.

He felt an electric current run between them and he kissed her hard. His lips pressing on hers. She responded.

He lifted her and pulled her legs around his waist. She put her hands between them and undid his trousers. He turned and lifting her in unsteady hands he pressed her up against the wall. She groaned against the hard onslaught of his lips. She put her arms around his neck and clung to him. He put his hand between them and ripped off her underwear dropping it to the floor. He drove into her violently and shuddered when she clung to him and held him.

He dragged his lips away.

“El.” He moaned.

“I love you.” She told him gasping.

He gasped and ripped her top in his hands dragging her bra away to feast on her breasts. She put her hands on his head pressing his mouth against her.

He lifted his head and looked at her.

“I love you. “ she told him again.

“I love you.” He gasped, his breath coming in pants and moans.

She clung to him wrapping her arms around his neck.

She lay in his arms in the double bed, the covers over them. Her hand was placed over his heart and she felt its rhythm slowly returning to normal.

“Are you still angry over me and Aden?” she asked him.

“Yes.” He said. “And no.”

“Glad we cleared that one up.” She told him laughing.

He turned and kissed her.

“I’m angry because you kissed him. I’m angry he kissed you back. I’m angry that I was sent away that caused the situation to develop. I don’t blame you or Aden. But the way you handled it….” he began to say and was interrupted by her giggles.

“I trust that is because of the phrase I just used and not because…”

She kissed him.

“No I didn’t handle anything.” She promised.

“The way you both came and told me was something that helped. You could have decided to both keep quiet.”

She shook her head next to him.

“No. Not even if it cost me my marriage. I couldn’t have let Aden carry that guilt.” She said softly. “It was one of those things that neither of us expected and we knew was wrong but just happened. I’m sorry.”

“I know.” He told her and kissed her slowly. “It still hurts though and I’m sorry if I should be past it now.”

She smiled and kissed him.

“I did feel awful sleeping with you without telling you when you got home. And then came the attack, I think that’s why it got blocked out when I found I was pregnant with Megan. I just couldn’t handle those feelings on top of everything else.”

He nodded beside her.

“I understand and if I throw it at you again just slap me.”

“No. It takes the fun out of it when I have permission to commit violence.” She told him with a giggle.

He kissed her before yawning.

“Are you tired?” she asked.

“Yes.” He said quickly. “Can’t think where my energy went to.”

She giggled again and he smiled pulling her a bit closer to him.

“And you are going to get mad at me now?” she asked him.

“Depends.” He said. “Can I spank you?”

She laughed.

“Probably not.”

“Oh well, probably.” He said and yawned again.

“Love you El.” He murmured quietly.

He fell asleep holding her as close to him as possible. She cuddled him back and rested her head on his shoulder. Eventually she slept a smile on her face.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 58

El heard Roman swear.

She put Sophie down and went to see him in the kitchen.

“What’s wrong?” she asked him.

He held up his finger and she saw the cut.

“Hold still.” She said and reached for the first aid box she kept in a drawer. She wiped the cut with an antiseptic wipe and then put on one of his blue plasters.

“Now why did you cut yourself Chef?” she asked.

“Because this kitchen is a nightmare.” He groaned.

She smiled slowly.

“What do you want to do with it?”

“Knock that bloody wall down so I don’t have to carry our dinner on a tray all the time.” He muttered.

She grinned.

“And then?”

“Put French doors through there to make it easier to go outside.” He grumbled. “Extend the veranda.”

She laughed.

“Or we could move house?” she suggested.

“No I like this house. Its just the kitchen that gets to me.” He told her.

“Ok.” she said.

“Ok?” he asked.

“Do it.”

He looked at her.

“Are you serious?”

She nodded at him and sat on the top.

“We could move back to the old house while the work is being done.”

He walked over to the fridge and opened the door. Cookie appeared as if by magic and he absentmindedly threw a piece of ham to her while he collected the mushrooms and brought them to the chopping board.

He looked up and saw she was grinning at him.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing.” She replied and held open her arms.

He went over to her and cuddled her. She kissed him slowly.

“I love you.” She told him.

He grinned.

“I know.” He said smugly.

“Oi!” she muttered.

He grinned.

“I love you tool” he told her.

“So anyway. Your kitchen?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“No.” she said. “Come on. Tell me how would you like this kitchen.”

He grinned.

“You’re being stubborn again.” He told her.

She grinned even more.

“And you are avoiding the issue we are discussing.” She replied.

“I hate our counsellor.” He said.

She smiled and kissed him again.

“That’s funny, you like her when she’s telling me off but not when it comes to your faults.”

“They aren’t faults they are aspects of my personality I need to work on.” He told her with a cheeky grin.

She wrapped her arms around him and they kissed.

“Um that was very nice.” She told him when they had parted.

He grinned.

“Trust me I enjoyed it too.” He said to her.

He lifted his hand and stroked her face. She was wearing her hair down today. Pulled away from her face with a simple hair band. She had left it to do its own thing after her shower this morning and it curled around her face. He liked it like this. Wild as if they had just tumbled out of bed.

“Penny for your thoughts?” she asked after a minute.

He looked into her eyes.

“I was thinking about your hair.” He said honestly.

She self-consciously went to smooth it.

“No.” he said catching hold of her hand. “I like it like this.”

She grinned.

“Should I wear it like this more often then?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“God no we’d never leave the bedroom.” He admitted.

She laughed.

“God I love you Roman Harris.” She said, putting her arms back around him.

He kissed her.

She hopped off the top and grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge and led him outside to the veranda.

“Now tell me what you want to change about the house.” She instructed handing him one of the beers keeping the other for herself.

He took a long drink after opening it and followed her to sit on the seat. She lifted her legs over his and he stroked them loving the way she could wear shorts around him.

“Well,” he started. “I want to put an archway between the kitchen and dinning area so that food doesn’t have to be carried through the lounge. We could use part of the space as a breakfast bar. We don’t need so much cupboard space if we use the pantry.” He said thinking about it.

“Sounds ok.” she drank the beer and smiled at him. “What else would you do?”

He smiled over at her.

“French doors so that we can walk out of the dinning room straight on to the veranda, maybe extend it a bit so that when we have the kids over there are more seats.”

She nodded.

“And when are you going to take over looking after your herb garden?” she asked.

“Mine?” he grinned.

She nodded.

“You had that planted before I even came to see the house.” He said.

She looked down for a moment and swung her legs over and to the floor. She went into the house and came back out a couple of minutes later and handed him a document.

He took it from her and she sat back down. He read it slowly.

“You put my name on the deed to the property.” He said softly.

She nodded.

“But..” he began uncertain what he wanted to say.

She shrugged.

“Now I know your Alpha male side will want to pay your way but I did this so that if anything happened you and the kids would be ok and I sort of hoped that one day it would be our house.”

He leaned over and kissed her.

“I still need to assert my manhood.” he grinned.

She nodded.

“As soon as the kids are asleep go for it.” she said.

He laughed.

“I actually meant pay for my share.” He told her seriously.

She gave him a look.

“Then pay to change the house.” She shrugged. “I don’t really care you know. Whatever makes you happy.”

He looked out on the garden. There was a long strip of land that she hadn’t done anything with. He pointed to it.

“Can we plant the fruit trees there?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“I was thinking that I would put them there.” She said pointed to the very end of the garden.

“We.” He began, the word feeling funny in the sentence he was to use. “Own that bit too?” he asked.

She nodded.

“And that far paddock.”

He grinned.

“For that there.” She said pointing to first bit of land he’d referenced too. “I thought about a swing set and a playhouse. Obviously there is no rush just yet which is why it’s still wild flowers.”

He smiled at her.

Cookie came out bringing the kittens with her and El put her hand down to stroke her.

She jumped up on El’s lap and roman reached out and stroked her. She looked at him and started purring.

“Are you seducing my cat?” El asked him.

He gave her a quick grin.

“I have magic fingers apparently.”

El laughed out loud.

“I know.” She told him smugly.

He looked over at her and stroked her face.

“We’re doing ok aren’t we?” he asked suddenly.

She smiled at him.

“I’m happy. And I love you. And I love being with you. We’re talking about everything even if its uncomfortable.” She said to him.

He nodded.

“I know. I don’t know where that came from, just a sudden feeling.”

She reached for his hand.

“Do you think we are ok?” she asked him.

“I’m so happy El, I know we were struggling and it feels like those days were dark and now they are all sunny. You laugh. I missed you laughing.”

She looked puzzled.

“More words please.” She asked him.

“Well before…..” he paused. “the attack you used to laugh all the time at everything. You were so happy. I missed that most about you. It wasn’t just about that he hurt you it was that he seemed to have stopped your laughter. And please don’t cry.” He added the last bit.

“Sorry. You are the best husband you know.” She said crying.

He lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to it.

He bent down and picked up his kitten, the ginger one.

“Have you got a name for him yet?” she asked.

He smiled.

“Nope.”

He fussed the kitten and felt Cookie’s eyes following his movements. He looked over at her and fussed her too.

“What?” he asked El.

She shook her head.

He smiled.

She bent down and picked up the remaining kittens so that all four were together.

“This one is Sophie’s.” She told him.

“Should I be worried our daughter likes the black kitten best?” he asked grinned.

El nodded.

“I did see her casting a few spells too.”

“Well, if she takes after her beautiful mother then she is a witch.” Roman laughed.

She smiled over at him.

“And which one for Georgie?” he asked.

“He likes the Ginger one, he wants to be just like Daddy.” She said softly.

“Not too much like Daddy I hope.”

They looked at each other for a long moment.

“You remember?” she asked. “A dream?”

He shook his head.

“I dreamt a lot about you while I was away.” He told her.

“How did you know I meant then?” She asked him.

“I did dream El but it was jumbled.” He said eventually.

She could tell he wanted to stand up and pace, but was trapped by her legs over his and the presence of the kittens. She lifted the kittens down and moved Cookie with them. She went to lift her legs off but he put his hand on them.

“Its ok.” he said softly.

She looked at him.

“Did you dream Roman?” she asked.

He nodded.

“Can I tell you about the twins birth?” she asked him.

He nodded again.

“Tell me about everything. I’m ready to listen.” He told her.

She felt tears prick her eyes again and she nodded.

“I found out I was pregnant before you left. Then you were called up and instead of telling you I let you leave. I was scared Roman. I was so scared. I thought every day I would lose them, my beautiful babies.”

He stroked her legs before reaching and holding her hand.

“I wanted you so much and I missed you. When I tried to think of names I couldn’t and when I went for scans. I felt them move and I just froze up because I missed you. Then Gardy started..” she trailed off. “Well then that started and everyone expected me to be strong and cope with everything. Oh, Nic was great and Geoff and Aden and Belle but at night I would cry myself to sleep missing you.” She let her feelings out after having kept them bottled up.

“You missed me?” he said softly.

She nodded.

“So you were feeling hormonal and you were missing me.” He said.

She nodded again.

“I hated missing you so much too.” She grumbled. “It was like one minute I was myself then I was just this basket case.”

“And the pregnancy?” he asked.

“It was more or less ok. I fainted a few times and my blood pressure had to be monitored. I was sleepy too, all the time.”

“The birth.” He prompted after she had fallen silent.

“Everyone came over and I went for a shower. The steam covered the mirror but he’d written the words I’m watching you on it. I screamed and slipped and started labour.”

She took a deep breath before continuing. “They rushed me to the hospital and I started bleeding. They told me my heart stopped. I saw Michael.”

He nodded accepting what she said.

“Georgie was born and then I crashed again. I saw you. I thought you were dead too but you told me…”

“I’m only dreaming.” He said.

She looked at him, her eyes wide.

“I told you there was a choice to be made didn’t I?” he said remembering.

“Yes.” She said nodding.

“El I swear if I’d thought…” he began to say.

She shook her head.

“It was worth it. “ she told him interrupting. “Getting to this point. It was all worth it. You told me you didn’t know if our daughter would be ok. But she was. And now I have Megan too.”

He looked over at her.

“I felt you. While I was there. I felt that you slapped me.” He said with a touch of wonder.

She nodded.

“I did.”

“My wife.” He said proudly.

She looked at him.

“Only you would have an out of body experience and still be able to commit violence.”

She grinned.

“So you don’t think I’m crazy or that it was the drugs?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“No. I woke up convinced there was something important I had to remember from the dream but I couldn’t seem to recall it. And then when you told me the names of the twins it felt like Déjà vu almost.” He grinned at her expression. “I guess we have a connection.” He told her.

“Now that will be interesting to tell the marriage counsellor.” She grinned.

He pulled her over until she was sitting astride him. He put his hands either side of her face and looked deep into her eyes.

“I think this means you are my soul mate.” He told her.

She gasped.

“You believe that?” she had to ask him.

“I have to with all the evidence. You found me when I was lost. You married me and gave me a family. You gave me a home not just a place to live.” He said softly. “And you gave me your love.”

She started crying. Big fat tears fell down her face. He leant forward and kissed them away before putting his lips to hers. She responded to his kiss passionately wrapping her arms around him.

“I love you so much.” She told him. “My husband, my soul mate.”

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 59

El walked over to him and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“That was Aden. Belle has gone into labour.” She told him.

He smiled.

She sat down next to him on the sofa and took a drink of his coffee.

“El. It really annoys me when you do that.” He said.

She looked at him.

“Well done for sharing.” She said.

She reached over and took another drink of his coffee.

“That must totally tick you off then.” She said.

He smiled at her.

“Why don’t I get you a cup?” he suggested in the same tone of voice.

“No thank you, I’m good with this one.”

“El, if you wish to test my boundaries perhaps you should not do it before I’ve had my caffeine.”

She laughed at him before moving and sitting on his lap. She put her arms around him.

“Ok, my husband has been replaced by a robot.” She told him.

He looked into her eyes.

“I’m just doing what the marriage counsellor has suggested.” He told her.

She kissed him again.

“I know. And I appreciate you trying. Perhaps you should be less Terminator like and more …I don’t know…”

“Like Christian Bale?” he suggested.

She looked at him.

“Yes please.” She said breathlessly.

He roared and stood up picking her up at the same time.

“Ouh yes.” She said.

He grinned and turning around he pressed her down on the sofa before lying next to her.

“Is that better?”

She nodded.

“Does it really annoy you when I drink your coffee and your wine?” she asked winding her arms around his neck.

“No. I think its cute.” He confessed. “Especially the wine because I know you hate it.”

He kissed her his lips firm on hers.

“I can’t.” she said regretfully.

He stroked her face.

“I’m happy with this.” He told her.

She pressed her head against his shoulder.

“Hold me?” she asked.

He smiled at her and worked his arms around her. He rubbed the small of her back where he knew the ache was and she almost purred at him.

“I love you El.” He said.

She nodded, then pressed her lips to the column of his neck.

“I love you too.” She said, her breath whispering across his nerve points causing interesting sensations and the hair to stand up on the back of his neck. He grinned.

“Are you up for tonight’s session?” he asked, meaning the fortnightly visit to the counsellor.

She sighed.

“Yes.”

He chuckled.

“How about I take the children to the beach before handing them over to Nic. Let you have a sleep this afternoon.”

“Roman. I’m fine. And anyway it isn’t fair to dump sandy tired out children on Nic, she must be tired too, with her pregnancy so far along.” She said. “You know that Georgie with be grumpy because he doesn’t have your full attention.”

“And you are the picture of health right now.” He said, his tone sarcastic.

She looked up at him.

“Roman.” She warned.

He shook his head rolling off the sofa before standing up.

“I’ve told you El, I’ll take care of us.” He said. “Come off the damn pill.”

She shook her head.

“I can’t afford to get pregnant again.” She said softly. “And anyway, this one isn’t so bad.”

She sat up.

“I’m going to take a shower” she told him. She walked over to him and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

He sighed.

“El.” He said as she was at the foot of the stairs.

“Yes?” she asked looking at the floor.

“Thank you.” He said.

She turned.

“For what?” she had to ask.

“For taking care of us, for thinking about Nic, for loving me. For putting up with me.”

He said huskily from the doorway.

She smiled at him.

“You’re just going for bonus points for tonight aren’t you?”

He grinned and walked over taking her into his arms.

“Yes of course.” He said. “She has me down as the most insensitive of husbands I need all the help I can get.”

She chuckled.

“Wanna wash my back?” she asked.

He smiled as he pressed a kiss to her lips.

“Double bonus points.” He said.

“Oi!” she grumbled. “Who exactly are you trying to please now?”

“Oh you, definitely you!” he told her a familiar light in his eyes.

She smiled and tugged at his hand as she climbed the stairs.

He followed chuckling, watching as she stripped out of her nightdress and climbed under the hot steamy water. He took his clothes off quickly and stepped in beside her. He massaged her back slowly soaping her all over. She reached for the shampoo and he took the bottle from her pouring a small amount into his hands. He placed it on her wet hair and did a slow head massage as he washed her hair. He kissed her slowly as he rinsed her hair under the hot spray. She sighed against his lips.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

She nodded.

He kissed her again before reaching for the conditioner and pouring a generous amount in his hands and smoothing it into her hair. He massaged her scalp and neck and shoulders easing all the tension out before moving his hands back to her scalp. He put his fingers through her hair, finger combing it. She rinsed the conditioner out and he flicked the shower off reaching for the large bath towel and wrapping her in it.

“Definitely worth bonus points.” She told him softly.

He kissed her again.

“I’ll leave Megan with you and take the twins out. “ he told her lifting her out of the shower.

She sighed and nodded.

He grabbed a towel and quickly dried himself, pulling his clothes back on. She walked into their bedroom and pulled on underwear before adding a simple cotton dress. She lay down on the bed and he put the quilt over her. She was more than half-asleep. He came back into the room seemingly moments later and placed her phone by the side of the bed with a bottle of water and some tablets and then the baby monitor.

She smiled sleepily at him and he pressed a quick kiss to her head.

Roman pushed the buggy into the diner.

“Hey Colleen.” He called to her.

“Roman.” She said. “And how are my favourite twins?”

Sophie clapped her hands at the woman and said “Eeen.”

Roman laughed.

“They are fine.” He told her.

He manoeuvred the buggy over to the sofa and lifted out Georgie and sat him on his lap.

“Can I get a coffee and a dish of ice cream.” He asked her.

She nodded and went into the kitchen.

Leah came out.

“I thought I heard your voice. Where’s El and Megan?” she asked him.

“We’re tag teaming today. “ he told her.

Georgie looked at her.

“Lele!” he said.

She laughed.

“She ok?” Leah asked

“Yes, why?” he said.

“She was in yesterday and she looked pale.” Leah explained.

“She is fine. Just feeling the heat and a bit tired. I take it you are here because Irene is at the hospital?” he asked the other woman, knowing it wasn’t her shift.

Leah nodded.

“Belle tried to tell her it was going to take ages and she shouldn’t worry but you know Irene.” Leah said.

Roman nodded.

“I have a feeling that El will drag us there tonight to check up on them.” he told her.

“How is it going?” Leah asked meaning the counselling.

Roman smiled.

“Well I feel like the last cavemen left on earth sometimes.” He grinned. “But yes it is good, We are working through everything.”

Colleen walked over with the coffee and the dish of ice cream.

Roman handed Georgie to his Aunt Leah to hold while he reached for their bag to find their bibs and spoons. He grabbed out their drink bottles too.

“Thanks Colleen.” he called.

“I have to say when you first moved into the bay I never expected to see this.” Leah told him with a chuckle.

He smiled over at her as he deftly attached a bib to Georgie before lifting out Sophie and doing likewise. He offered the drinking cup to his son and watched as he took it in his right hand and waved it before putting it in his mouth and drinking.

“As a Dad?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Nothing to it. Just like leading a platoon into a minefield really. You have no idea what you are doing or where the next explosion is coming from.” Roman grinned and pressed a kiss to Sophie as he handed her drink bottle to her.

He took a drink of his coffee. And stirred the ice cream watching as it began to melt.

He sat Sophie beside him on the sofa and then picked Georgie up and sat him next to her. He handed them a spoon each before picking up the last spoon and started giving them the ice cream.

Leah laughed at him before heading back to the kitchen.

They finished the ice cream and he lifted Sophie into the buggy so he could clean up Georgie, before lifting him in and then turning to the task of cleaning up Sophie. He gave both kids their bottles back and sat back to finish his by now lukewarm coffee.

He envied how El could cope with these too and Megan too.

His phone vibrated and he pulled it out of his pocket to read the message.

“Belle now mum to Tyler Andrew weighing 7lb6 Mum n baby ok but Dad fainted!! Luv El xx” he laughed.

He was about to put the phone back in his pocket when it buzzed again.

He clicked it open and nearly swore when he read the incoming message.

“Nice little family Hardcore. I’ll be seeing you all real soon”

He lifted his gaze and scanned around the room before standing and quickly heading outside quickly checking the people about before collecting the buggy and heading home.

“El.” He called and raced up the stairs.

She was tucked up in bed where he’d left her. He ran into the nursery and saw Megan fast asleep.

“What’s wrong?” El asked him from the doorway.

He turned and handed her his phone. She clicked it open and read the message. He saw her start shaking and moved over to her. She thrust the phone back at him and moved away backing up.

“El.” He said softly.

She shook her head.

“No don’t come near me.” She said.

“El it’s me.” He said.

“I know. I don’t want you to touch me, not yet.” She said.

He flinched.

“No it’s not like that. I need to get control back.” She tried to explain. “Call my dad find out where he is.” She instructed.

He nodded and clicked open his phone to make the call.

“George, it’s Roman.” He said.

“I know why you are calling and I can’t talk right now. Tell my daughter I’ll talk to her tonight and set a place for Jacko he’s coming for dinner.” George told him and rang off.

He turned and looked at her.

“Is he out?” she asked.

Roman nodded.

She nodded slowly and held out her hand to him.

He took hold and pulled her until she was in his arms.

“I promise I won’t let him near you.” He told her.

“I know darling.” She said.

She pressed a kiss to his lips.