Out Of My Mind

[Red Ranger 1]

Thank you for all the comments.This is one of those slightly barmy ideas that I have and just think "Okay, run with it", so I'm glad people are coming along for the ride.This one sort of answers another long-standing question...

CHAPTER 11

“There he is,”Ruby remarked at school the next day, dragging Annie out of her thoughts.

Annie followed Ruby’s gaze and saw Leo stood chatting with Xavier.Before she could think of an excuse not to see him, Ruby was making a beeline for the pair and she found herself with little choice but to follow.

“How are you both?”Ruby asked.

“Fine,”Xavier answered.He glanced at Annie.“I was just thanking your boyfriend here for saving my life.”

Leo glanced at Annie but she felt unable to meet his gaze.“It wasn’t anything special,”he said quietly.

“Are you kidding?”Xavier asked,“Seriously, Romeo and I both owe you our bacon.And if you ever feel like taking us up on that basketball game…”

“Yeah, I’ll think about it.”He let the silence drift on for a bit before announcing,“I’d better get to class.”

Annie hesitated for a moment, wondering what would happen if he carried on walking, out of her life, taking all the confusion with him.But she knew that the door he’d opened wouldn’t be shut that easily. Which is why she ran after him.“Leo, wait.”

He paused, turning.Looking at her with those brown eyes that seemed sadder than she’d ever seen him. She found it hard to believe he wasn’t a person, wasn’t an ordinary teenager like her.

“We need to talk,”she said softly.

He nodded.“I guess so.”

Annie glanced over her shoulder at where Ruby and Xavier were trying not to pay too much attention to them.“Not here.Come to my place after school.”

He gave a nod of assent.“I’ll see you there.”

Annie had barely got up to her room and put her bag on the bed when a Leo-shaped cloud of mist appeared, closely followed by Leo himself.She looked at him with an anger that masked her discomfort.“Don’t do that!”

Leo looked at her, perplexed.“Why?You already know about it.”

“Yeah but I don’t want to see it!”

Leo’s anger seemed to match her own.“You see, this is why I’ve never told anyone.You hate the fact that I’m different, you can’t stand to be around me.”

“I’m just not used to seeing people appear out of thin air…”Annie paused.“What did you just say?”

“You hate the fact that I’m different.”

“No…you’ve never told anyone?”

Leo paused, embarrassed.He sat down on the bed, barely looking at her.“You’re the first person to ever find out I’m a ghost.”

Annie looked down at him in disbelief.“Forty-six years and you’ve never told anyone?”

“There’s never been anyone to tell.”Leo considered this.“Well…I guess I’ve had friends, even girlfriends, but…I never told them, no.I’ve never wanted anyone to know.”

She sat down next to him.“So why did you tell me?”

“I guess you’re the first person that’s ever followed me home.Most of the time I just spin them the line about my parents having to work a lot or not being home all that often.Sometimes I’ll tell them we live in a motel or a caravan, hire one out for a night or two…”

“So…that house really is your home?It’s a bit bare.”

“It’s all I need,”Leo admitted,“I don’t get cold or wet.I guess I don’t really need anywhere but it’s good to have somewhere to go back to.”

“And the school?All of that?How did you even get them to accept you?”

“I hired a couple of actors to pose as my parents.”Leo saw her incredulous look and shrugged.“It’s not that hard.I do the odd day’s work, cash in hand, to earn the money I need.When you don’t eat, you don’t need that much.They told Mrs.Austin that I’d been home schooled up until now but they wanted me to be around people my own age for a bit.”

It did all make sense to Annie.But there was one other thing preying on her mind.Something that she’d been wondering about since even before she’d found out Leo was a ghost.“Why did you make me dream about you?”

Leo looked at her in surprise and perhaps a bit of amusement.“Annie, any dreams you’ve been having about me, they’re down to you.”

Annie shook her head.“That’s not true, I was dreaming about you before I even met you.”

There was such confusion on his face that she didn’t doubt for a second it was genuine.“Annie…I can do lots of stuff but I’ve never made anyone dream about me.I didn’t even know who you were until Mrs. Austin introduced us.”

Even if she knew it was true, Annie couldn’t help thinking there must be some sort of answer.“Has this ever happened before?”

“Well…if it has no-one’s told me.”

“Then…what’s all this been about?The dates, everything?”

Leo seemed to take forever to answer.“Annie…I like you.I never lied about that.I feel good around you.”

Annie looked into his eyes, saw nothing there to doubt him.“I like you too,”she admitted.

“Even though I’m different?”

“Well…I like you better than a lot of boys I’ve met that weren’t dead.”She shook her head in bewilderment.“And I never thought I’d hear myself say that.”

Leo gently held her hand in his.“You still want to know me?”

“I think I do, yeah.”She held up their intertwined hands, looking at them in curiosity.“So…if you’re a ghost, how come I can feel you?”

“I can make myself as solid as I want.”His hand turned to mist in hers for a moment, then solidified again. “You learn it all slowly.”

Annie was interested, despite herself.“So what else can you do?”

“Well…there’s something I’ve always wanted to try…”

He kissed her gently on the lips, turning to mist as he did so.She felt the mist travel through her lips into her body.Not down her throat but everywhere, spreading out through her.Then…It wasn’t as though she could feel him touch her exactly, more the sensation of being touched, the feelings of pleasure that went with the contact.She lay back on the bed, letting out a startled gasp at the far from unpleasant sensations. “Leo, stop,”she whispered.

She saw the mist leave her body, settling next to her before forming back into Leo again, his features disappointed.“You see?You can’t handle that I’m different.”

She shook her head.“It’s not that, it’s just”-she gulped slightly-“that was a bit much.”

He looked at her and smiled, a smile that made her heart skip a beat.“You really aren’t like other girls, are you?”

[Red Ranger 1]

I wonder where you get your ideas from. You've got a really good imagination and I like it!

Oh, the writer's dreaded question...I think for my HA fictions it mainly comes from watching the show and reading posts on BTTB and something sparking my imagination.This one was largely a result of thinking about the dream episode on the show and how they could have gone further with it then throwing in ideas from a couple of episodes of Star Trek.So I guess I've got no original ideas at all, really...

Try and get another chapter up today sometime.

Some say there's nothing new under the sun, therefore all fiction is a repeating of previous fictions or perceptions of history. Synthesizing existing ideas is a natural creative impulse, otherwise there would be little point to human existence. The impulse comes from a need to experience and interpret these 'fictions' for ourselves and make progress. "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana. You're using your experience and memory to write your fan-fictions, don't apologize for it.

This current one is very good - I'm a little intrigued as to whether Annie's beliefs conflict with ghosts in general, and specifically with a ghost that's trying to make out with her ?

I wasn't being entirely serious-and, hey, rewriting other people's stories never did Shakespeare any harm.I think I came up with at least seven different influences on this story, conscious or otherwise...

Here's that chapter I promised.See what you think of Annie's beliefs afterwards.

CHAPTER 12

“You’d think after all this time I’d be better at homework,”Leo sighed.

Annie looked across at him and smiled.They were both on the floor at 15 Jennings Road, Annie sat with a schoolbook on her lap, Leo leaning on his front staring at his own textbook.They’d started hanging out at the house a lot the past few days and Annie was beginning to understand what Leo meant about it being home.Despite the lack of furniture or anything else, it was their own private space, somewhere where Leo could be himself without fear.“You’ve been in Year 11 for forty years,”she reminded him,“Why don’t you know all this by now?”

“I don’t always go to school,”Leo protested,“Sometimes I say I’ve dropped out.Anyway, they keep changing what they teach.”

“Forty years of homework,”Annie sighed,“That’s got to be tough.”

Leo grinned.“Maybe I’m in hell and I don’t know it.”He stopped.“I’ve never been able to talk to anyone like this before.”

“Maybe if you’d tried, people wouldn’t have found it so weird,”Annie suggested.

Leo shook his head.“I don’t think anyone else would have.”

“I’m not special.”

“I think you are.And trust me, I’ve seen it all.”He took hold of her hand suddenly and pulled her down onto the floor with him, kissing her.Then he dissolved into mist, enveloping her.

It was something they’d done a few times.Annie didn’t feel the arousal she’d felt that time in her room, it was more of a warm sensation, a gentle caress of her body.She lay there with him around her for a few minutes, then the mist left her, travelling to one side and reforming into Leo lying alongside her.

“That is so weird,”he sighed,“But it really feels good.”

She nodded.“It feels good to me too.”

“How long can you stay?”

She checked her watch.“A couple more hours.”

Annie had had dinner with Irene and Ruby before heading up to her room.She hadn’t quite managed to finish her homework while she was with Leo and so she’d told him she’d meet him at school the following day.She began unpacking the bag on her bed, taking out what she needed when a voice said quietly, “Annie.”

Annie spun round and saw a girl standing there.She was shorter than Annie, about Ruby’s height, with shoulder-length dark hair and a round but pretty face.Annie had no idea who she was, how she’d got there or how she hadn’t noticed her before.“Who are you?”she asked, slightly nervous.

The girl took a deep breath.“I’m Sarah.I’m Leo’s girlfriend.”

Annie felt her stomach twist slightly.Leo had told her he’d had girlfriends in the past, at other places he’d been.Could one of them have tracked him down to here?It couldn’t have been that long since they were together, she appeared to be about their age, rather than someone he’d dated thirty years ago.“I don’t know when you knew him but…”

“I was his girlfriend in 1964.”

Annie’s head took another turn.“1964?But that was…”

“The year he died.I know.”

“So, how are you..?”

Even though she’d got used to Leo doing it, Annie still gasped.Sarah’s body transformed into mist, hanging in the air for a few seconds, before reforming again.

Annie sat down on the bed.Had she got it all wrong, had Leo been lying to her?Had this girl, this ghost girl been around all the time?“You’ve been with him since then?”

Sarah shook her head.“Leo hasn’t seen me since the day we both died.”

“Both..?But, why not?”

“It would take too long to explain but…there’s rules here.I can’t approach him while he’s like this.Not directly.Not unless someone brings him to me.That’s why I chose you.I knew you were the kind of girl he’d fall in love with, someone kind and sweet.”

Annie was finding it hard to understand what Sarah was telling her.“Chose me?”

“I pushed you together.I think you would have found each other eventually so…I showed you what it was like to be his girlfriend.”

“Showed me?”Annie’s eyes widened in realisation.“It was you that sent me the dreams!”She remembered what she’d told Ruby:that it was like another life, like she was another person…“He never called me by name,”she whispered.

“No.I was always careful about that.”

“In the dreams…I was you.Those were your memories.”

Sarah sat down beside her.“I’d known Leo since we were twelve.He was so shy, he always sat near the back of the class, he never had any close friends.He was so lonely.And I loved him for it.It took until we were sixteen before I found the courage to ask him out.And when he said yes, those were the happiest months of my life.Until that day.”She looked at Annie.“Do you want to know how the story ends?”

Annie was dreading the answer, afraid of what she’d see.But she nodded anyway.

Sarah touched either side of her temple and then there was a flash…

Annie and Leo walked along the harbour, hand in hand.The moon shone over the water, casting brilliant reflections.Annie stopped and looked at it.“It’s beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you,”Leo replied.He saw her amused smile and gave an embarrassed grin.“That was a bit cheesy, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,”she agreed,“But it was kind of nice.”She turned towards him and kissed him gently.

He released her hands and she took a step back.The place where her foot landed was eroded, smooth, harder for her to get a grip on than she’d expected.Her feet skidded out from under her and with a cry of fright she fell backwards, over the harbour edge, into the water.

The impact nearly took her breath away.It was so cold she could barely breathe.She splashed around, desperately trying to keep afloat while suffering from almost instant hypothermia.She could see his distant figure standing on the harbour, his horrified gaze fixed on her.She waved an arm in his direction.“Leo!” she screamed desperately.

“Sarah!”he shouted back.He paused and then dived into the water.

Annie tried to attract his attention, tried to swim towards him but her body was so cold she could barely move.Water was pouring through her mouth into her throat and her panic levels rose as she felt herself sinking, down into the sea…

Annie gasped, breathing heavily, reminding herself that her lungs weren’t really filled with water, it had just been a dream.A dream that wasn’t a dream.“Leo told me he drowned,”she whispered.

“We both did,”Sarah replied,“He tried so hard to reach me, he never gave up.Not until he didn’t have any choice.Neither of us came out of the water alive.And he could never face that.”

Annie didn’t understand.“What do you mean?”

“That’s why he’s still here,”Sarah explained,“Why he’s never moved on.He’s never been able to come to terms with how we both died.That he couldn’t save me.”

“He couldn’t even tell me how he really died,”Annie realised.

“We’ve been watching him, his parents and me.His aunt and uncle joined us in the ’90s.Watching him struggling in a world where he doesn’t belong.More lonely than ever.We want him to come to us but he won’t.”

Annie felt more and more out of her depth.“What…what can I do?”

Sarah took Annie’s hand in hers, a hand as solid yet insubstantial as Leo’s.“You can save him, Annie. You’re the only one that can.”

[Red Ranger 1]

Thank you so much for all your comments.Hope you like this one.

CHAPTER 13

Judas goat.

Annie knew the phrase.A goat left tied up where a wild animal could see it.The bait to lure it into a trap. She understood the Biblical allusion as well, of course.That made her even more uncomfortable.

She saw Leo across the playground, shortly before he saw her, giving a smile and a wave.Like he didn’t have a care in the world.Except he did, of course.She knew that.She knew a lot more than he thought.

He took her hand and kissed her cheek as she reached him.She gave him a smile.No point making him suspicious.“Are you going to come round tonight?”he asked.

Annie shook her head.“Actually, Irene wanted to know if you could come round ours.”

“What, a family meal or something?”Leo looked concerned.“You know that me and food don’t really go together.If it wasn’t for the mist trick…well, things would be even messier.”

“No, I explained that your parents like you to eat at home.”Annie wished she’d thought the story through more carefully.“She just wants to make sure you exist.”

“Ask my intentions?”Leo suggested,“I seem to get a lot of that.”

“She’ll love you,”Annie assured him.She looked at him and found it hard to keep the sadness out of her voice.“Just like I do.”

Seeing the jolt in his eyes, she wondered if he caught his breath, if his heart had stopped beating.Then she remembered he didn’t do either of those things anyway.“You mean it?”

She hugged him.“I do, Leo.I just wanted you to know that.”

“Won’t Irene be angry if she catches us upstairs?”Leo asked as he followed Annie to her room.

“Don’t worry, she won’t be back for a while,”Annie assured him.She opened the door, motioned for him to go in ahead of her.

Leo stepped into her room…and stopped short as he caught sight of Sarah sat on the bed.She stood up, brushing her dress down nervously.Annie saw Leo tense up, his fight or flight instincts kicking in.She wrapped her arms around him, part hug, part restraining him, knowing the futility of the gesture, that if he wanted to he could just turn to mist and fade away, go somewhere where neither of them could find him. “Please don’t,”she whispered.

Sarah was looking at Leo with such longing, seeming suddenly vulnerable.The way they both were, Annie found it hard to believe that they weren’t what they appeared to be, two teenagers about the same age as her.“Leo…just talk to me,”she begged.

Annie released Leo and he turned to her, betrayal etched on his features.“Did you know she was here?”

“She…she asked me to bring you to her,”Annie explained.

“But why?”

“I don’t belong in this world,”Sarah said quietly,“I need permission from a living person to act.”

“And who’s giving me permission?”Leo demanded.

“That’s just it.You’re trapped between worlds, Leo.That’s what all this is about.”

Annie stepped up alongside Leo, Sarah doing the same on the other side.“Please, Leo,”Annie whispered to her,“We’re both worried about you.”

Leo snuck a glance at her and at Sarah but his eyes couldn’t rest on either of them for long, looking down at his feet.Sarah gently touched his cheek, turning his head so he looked at her.“Don’t be afraid of me, Leo. Don’t be that lonely little boy again.You’ve got two people here who love you.”

“You shouldn’t,”he insisted, choking back a sob,“You should have stayed away from me.”

Sarah shook her head.“I have never regretted loving you.”

“You died because you loved me.”

“It was an accident.”

“It wasn’t!It…”

“It was,”Annie told him,“I saw it.”

Leo looked at her in shock, searching her face, realising she was telling the truth.He slowly looked back at Sarah.“I wanted to save you.I should have saved you.”

“You gave your life to try and save me,”she reminded him,“Knowing that you loved me that much, it made me so proud.”

“You…you forgive me?”

“I never blamed you.You’re not here because I haven’t forgiven you.You’re here because you haven’t forgiven yourself.”

Leo looked so lost.Annie clasped his hand in her own.“Leo, we both love you.We don’t want you to hate yourself.”

Leo seemed to hesitate.Sarah turned him to face her again and kissed him softly on the lips.For a moment he simply accepted it, then he returned the kiss, gently, tenderly.

Annie released his hand and stepped back.Her head filled with conflicting emotions at the sight:relief, jealousy, sadness, gladness.

Leo stopped and looked at Annie.It was Sarah’s turn to step back, leaving the two of them alone.“Annie,” he began.

Annie forced a smile onto her face.“It’s fine,”she told him,“I mean, it would never work, you’re always going to be this age and I’m going to get old and wrinkled…”

“I’m so glad I met you,”he interrupted,“You saved me.”

“I know but…you don’t belong here.You belong with her.”She looked at him hopefully.“Do you think we’ll see each other again?I mean…when the time comes?Do you think I’ll join you one day?”

“I think so.I don’t know what it’ll be like, whether we’ll be like this or…or something else.So…just in case this is my last chance…”

He kissed her, letting it linger as long as possible.Then he stepped away, stepping alongside Sarah.She took his hand and smiled.He smiled back.

The two of them dissolved, but not into the white mist Annie had seen before.They were shining, golden, a light so bright she almost had to look away.They didn’t disappear, instead they began to rise up, travelling through the ceiling, heading skywards.

Annie stood and watched them until they were gone.Gone forever.

[Red Ranger 1]

Well, here's the last chapter as promised.Let me know what you think of it.

CHAPTER 14

It was just another day.Annie didn’t known what else she’d expected.She’d just had the most incredible experience of her life and yet the following morning she’d gone into school, found herself surrounded by people who had no idea that the world they were living in was full of such extraordinary things and just slipped back into the world of homework and lunch break and calculus and who was fancying who. Underneath the disappointment, she knew that was how it had to be.Life went on.In one form or another.

“Do you know what’s happened to Leo?”Ruby asked as they packed their bags away at the end of day.

Annie looked at her with a trace of fright, unsure what she knew.“What do you mean?”

“Well, he wasn’t in any classes today.I wondered if you knew anything, if he was ill…Mrs.Austin!”Ruby turned round suddenly as she spotted Gina coming past.“Do you know where Leo is?”

Gina looked at them in surprise.“I’m sorry, I thought your form teacher would have told you.He’s left.”

Annie stopped at the comment.“Have you seen him?”

“No, I saw his parents.They said that he’d enjoyed his time here and he was sorry to go but that the family were having to move away.Apparently they’ve been offered a better position.”

Annie smiled.She didn’t know how Leo had managed it but she understood the message.“I’m sure they’ll be happy, wherever they are.”

Gina seemed confused by the comment, perhaps realising that Annie knew something she didn’t.“Yes, I’m sure they will.Well, come on, girls, you’d better get home.”

Ruby kept her eyes fixed on Annie’s expression until Gina was out of earshot.“Do you know something you’re not telling me?”she asked at last.

Annie looked at her with indecision, then nodded.“I’ll tell you at home.”

They went up to Annie’s room, Annie lying on the bed, Ruby sat next to it.And then Annie poured out the story of everything that had happened, watching as Ruby gaped at her more and more.Finally, when Annie had finished, she blurted out,“You were in love with a ghost?!”

Annie smiled slightly.“I guess so.”

“Well, I suppose it makes sense.”

The comment confused Annie.“What do you mean?”

“The perfect guy for Annie Campbell is from forty-five years ago.”

Annie couldn’t help but smile.“Are you calling me old-fashioned?”

“Maybe more like traditional…”Ruby paused, her expression becoming serious.“You were perfect for him as well, weren’t you?”

“I don’t know about perfect.”

“He was around for forty-six years and he never met anyone that connected to him the way you did.I mean, everything you went through…If that had happened to me, I’d have run a mile.But you…you helped him, you saved him.Without you, he’d have been doomed to wander the earth for eternity or something.”

“I hope he’d have found his own way one day.No-one ever mentioned that bit at Sunday School.”

Ruby looked at her curiously.“Yeah…how exactly does all this fit in with God and stuff?”

It was a question Annie had asked herself a few times, the answer both simple and complicated.“I don’t know.I don’t know what hand God had in any of it.But I guess I’ve always known that there was a life beyond this one.”

“I guess it’s a comforting thought.”

Annie knew what Ruby meant.She’d thought it herself often enough.“I don’t really remember my parents, I was too young to really know them, I just know what Geoff’s told me and Pop.It’ll be nice to think that I’ll get to meet them again one day.”

Ruby nodded slowly.“I think that about my mum sometimes, my other mum, I mean.”She broke into a smile.“Maybe you and Sarah can sort out some sort of share deal with Leo.”

Annie’s own smile faltered slightly.“Maybe.”

Ruby looked at her in concern.“Annie…you are going to be all right, aren’t you?”

Annie thought for a moment.About everything that had happened.About Leo and the effect he’d had on her.About the bigger world she’d somehow become a part of…and the even bigger world that lay beyond that one, which she’d only been given a glimpse of but which she knew she’d be a part of one day.She didn’t understand it.She didn’t have to.Just knowing that it was there, that Leo was happy and watching over her, waiting for her to join him one day, was enough.

She smiled, a smile as full of conflicted emotions as her heart was.But the good emotions outweighed the bad.Just.“Yes, I think I am.”

Comments