Hope, Peace, Love.

[Danni02]

Good update Kirsty.

I think this is going to be really hard for Tony to get excited about having a daughter because of all the Rachel baby stuff going on.

Loved the little JM scene.

Aden and Belle are going to have some difficult decisions to make.

And the ending....poor Rachel!

[KirstyEkua]

Thank you again everyone for your lovely comments. Always apperciated

(For anyone who reads my other current fic 'I'm Ok,' it's still going, just taking a mini break from it till i get my inspiration back for it. Thanks for your patience ).

‘Tony?’ Jazz sighed loudly and glanced at the clock on the wall. The ticking noise was giving her a headache. It had been exactly 15 minutes since she’d told Tony about Taylor and he’d not uttered a word since. He sat with his head in his hands, slowly rocking back and forth on the chair. He seemed to be in some sort of trance. Jazz kicked her heels against the back on the sofa in frustration, her hands gripping the edge tightly. ‘Tony I know this has come as a bit of a shock -.’

‘A bit of a shock,’ he echoed. He looked up slowly, the colour drained from his face. ‘Is this your idea of some kind of a joke?’ He knew he was clutching at straws. Even Jazz wouldn’t stoop that low. But he was desperate.

‘Give me a little credit,’ she rolled her eyes.

‘I just don’t understand,’ he cried angrily as he stood up. You’ve known this for 4 years and just decide to tell me now? And how do you know for sure I’m her dad?’ He glowered at her and wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans.

‘I’m not that much of a slut that I don’t know who the father of my child is,’ she replied, her voice littered with anger. ‘And in my defence I only realised you were her father around 6 months ago when the man I assumed to be her dad – who I’m no longer with by the way – got suspicious.’

‘You expect me to believe that?’ Tony laughed bitterly. ‘So you started seeing this guy just after me, got pregnant and didn’t even consider the possibility that I could have been the father?’

‘As strange as it seems no,’ she threw him a dirty look as she stood up to face him. ‘I was happy,’ she declared. ‘And I didn’t want anything to jeopardise that.’

‘Jesus Jazz,’ Tony ran his hands over his face and paced the living room. He left like he was in a nightmare than he was yet to wake up from. His heart sank as he caught sight of a wedding picture which was hanging on the far wall. Rachel. How could he even begin to tell her. It would destroy her.

‘Get out,’ he turned to her suddenly, his eyes blazing with anger.

‘Tony I really think we need to talk about this -,’ Jazz stated as Tony grabbed her arm and pushed her to the door.

‘I can’t deal with this right now,’ he practically shouted as he pushed her outside. ‘Please Jazz,’ he said more softly. ‘Just go. I need to get used to the idea. I’ll be in touch, okay? Just let me talk to Rachel,’ he muttered weakly. It felt like all the strength had been sucked out of him.

‘Fine,’ Jazz turned to face him, her arms folded across her chest. ‘But I’m not going to leave you alone Tony. Your daughter wants to meet you and I’m determined for that to happy, no matter what the coast. ‘Like it or not we’re a family. A little unconventional maybe,’ she shrugged. ‘But nevertheless.’

‘We’ll never be a family,’ he insisted sternly. ‘Never.’

********************

Rachel didn’t stop until she reached her car, her hands trembling as she turned the keys in the ignition. An overwhelming sense of grief washed over her. Her body trembled as she gripped the steering wheel and attempted to drive out of the car park. She’d been so determined to keep herself busy; it was the only way she knew how to cope. She’d been the same after her mother died, at times she suspected she was yet to grieve for her properly. Breath, breath, she told herself forcefully as she struggled to see the road through her tears. This time her escape plan hadn’t worked. The patient at the hospital had shocked her. Rachel had convinced herself she was coping fine but seeing the pregnant woman had just reminded her of the possibility that she might never have that. It was like someone had knifed her in the stomach. Her mind wandered to her husband who she’d so cruelly pushed aside. Now all she wanted was for him to hold her and tell her it was all going to be okay.

********************

‘Hey, your home,’ Martha grinned as Jack came into the house and immediately went to the crib. ‘Good day?’ she enquired.

‘Not so bad given the circumstances,’ he shrugged and sat down next to her on the sofa. ‘I tried to call dad a few times but he didn’t pick up.’

‘Yeah,’ Martha nodded. ‘I tried too. I think you’re right. When they’re ready they’ll come to us.’

Jack smiled in agreement and patted her knee. ‘In the meantime I have something for you,’ he winked at Martha as he rummaged around in the pocket of his coat.

‘Ohh,’ Martha clapped her hands together and beamed. ‘Finally a gift for me and not Laura,’ she joked.

Jack laughed. ‘Tickets to the police ball,’ he grinned at her as he looked up and shoved the tickets in her face. ‘What?’ he said, the smile disappearing as he noticed the look on her face.

‘A party,’ Martha scorned. ‘You expect me to go to a party!?’

‘Well, yeah,’ Jack stared at her, dumbfounded.

‘Have you forgotten anything?’ she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

‘Umm, no, I don’t think so,’ he replied nervously. ‘Have I?’ he laughed apprehensively.

‘Maybe the fact we have a 12 week old daughter.’ Martha rolled her eyes. ‘I don’t think they’d appreciate us brining a baby to the ball.’

‘But we’ll get a Rachel and Dad – a babysitter,’ he said quickly.

‘You expect me to leave her for a whole night?’ Martha asked indignantly as she pulled a cushion close to her chest.

‘Martha we have to sometime,’ Jack responded gently, realising he was treading on dangerous ground. ‘We don’t have to stay late. I just thought it would be nice for us, come on,’ he smiled as he inched closer to her.

‘You have no clue,’ she scowled as she squatted him away. ‘Jack I don’t want to go to a party. I’ve just had a baby,’ she cried. ‘I feel fat and I can barely keep my eyes open at the best of times.

My whole body aches and even the thought of picking out a dress makes me feel ill.’

‘But you look lovely,’ he declared in astonishment. ‘I don’t think you’ve ever looked so beautiful,’ he said truthfully.

‘Yeah whatever,’ she hissed as she jumped off the sofa. ‘I’m not going and that’s final,’ she shouted over her shoulder as she disappeared into the bedroom, the anger boiling up inside her.

********************

‘Tony,’ Rachel called as she stepped cautiously into the living room. ‘Hello, Tony are you home?’ She threw her bag onto the sofa and wandered into the kitchen, rubbing her head with her fingers in an attempt to relieve her headache.

‘Rach,’ Tony appeared from the bedroom. ‘I was just coming to get you,’ he smiled at her sadly. ‘To bring you home.’

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered as she reached out to him and rested her head on his chest. ‘I didn’t mean to shut you out,’ she started sobbing uncontrollably.

‘Shh, it’s okay,’ Tony rubbed her back and tried to squeeze all thought of Jazz out of his head. He failed miserably. All he could think about was his daughter. He had a daughter. It felt alien to him. But now he found himself wondering what colour her hair was and if she liked to swim. He hated himself for that.

Tony had pretty much thrown Jazz out of the house before he’d had a chance for everything to sink it. He’d been so furious. But now he was just desperately sad that Jazz was the mother of his daughter.

‘Tony, tony.’ Rachel’s voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked down suddenly as Rachel gazed up at him, a puzzled expression on her face. He hadn’t even realised she’d stopped shaking in his arms.

‘You were a million miles away,’ she observed.

‘Sorry,’ he apologised and kissed her forehead. ‘I was so worried about you. Rach please, let me help you,’ he begged. ‘They were my babies too,’ he whispered.

‘I know, I know,’ she nodded tearfully. ‘And I promise Tony, from now on we’re in this together okay,’ she smiled bravely. ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too,’ he said, pulling her tightly to him. ‘I just can’t do this anymore Rach,’ he whispered into her head, his heart sinking as he began to realise what this meant for them.

‘Do what?’ she asked as she pulled away and stood slightly away from him, a feeling of dread suddenly washing over her.

‘It’s been five times now, Tony said, wishing he knew how to put into words something that had been building up inside him ever since that heartbreaking scene in the bathroom less than 24 hours ago. ‘Seeing you like this,’ he shook his head. ‘It hurts too much and every time Rach, I feel like I’m losing a part of you.’

‘I, I don’t understand,’ she said slowly as she took tiny steps backwards, reaching out with her hands to steady herself. ‘What are you saying Tony?’

‘Rachel I, I think we should stop trying for a baby of our own.’ He regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth. Tony knew he’d never forget the look on her face. It would haunt him forever.

Preview:

Is it the end for Aden and Belle?

Martha struggles to connect with Jack

Jazz sets her sights on winning Tony

[amz89]

Martha strange much.

jazz grrr.

Hope Tony and Rachel are okay.

Aden and belle dislike

cant wait for more.

[Red Ranger 1]

Ohhh...Really liked that chapter.I loved all Tony's mood swings during the opening scene, how he was shifting between confusion and anger.Martha being an overprotective mother.Tony and Rachel on the skids and he hasn't even dropped the real bombshell yet.Looking forward to seeing where you take this.

[Danni02]

Good update Kirsty. I'm not surprised Tony has doubts about being Taylor's father or that Martha doesnt want to spend the night away from Laura. But she does have to do it sometime and it could be a nice break for her and Jack.

Update soon

[Barbara]

I think you wrote Tony's reaction really well. I can see why he's confused, angry and wondering about being Taylor's biological father.

It was a nice gesture from Jack. He must have thought it'd be nice to go out for a few hours but it's hard for a mum to leave her newborn, esp the first time since the birth even though it'll have to happen sometime.

From Martha's reaction, I'm wondering if she couldn't be suffering from post natal depression or something like that.

I don't think Tony should feel too guilty about wondering about his daughter. Surely, it's normal to think of his daughter. After all, he's only heard he had one earlier that day. It's just that the timing is really bad. Maybe he and Rachel could adopt a child. It wouldn't be the same as their own child but they'd have a child whom they would make happy and who would make them happy. Or maybe they should just stop trying and she'll eventually get pregnant as there will be less pressure on them.

More please.

[charmed60]

Oh wow Kirsty that was amazing, so many conflicting emotions in that chapter, I honestly didn't know how to feel from one scene to the next. The way Tony kept experiencing all these different moods was so realistic and my heart goes out to him. It must be a complete shock to find out he's got a daughter but the pain he felt at realising Jazz was the mother of his child was palpable; the little addition of his eyes catching the wedding photo and it suddenly dawning on him what it meant for Rachel to was sad

Interesting little side storyline going on with Jack and Martha. I can understand poor Jack wanting to take her out but it's totally normal for Martha to not want to leave her new born daughter and still not feel 'glamorous' enough to go out. Hopefully she will change her minds soon!

I loved the little monologue of Rachel's. I was going to quote it but the whole thing was fantastic and heartbreaking I loved that she realised she needed Tony and it wasn't fair to push him away however when she came I just held my breath wondering how she was going to act. Surprised he didn't tell her but I can understand why, it probably wasn't the best time and I did feel sad for Tony how he kept wondering what his daughter looked like; it's natural and he shouldn't feel guilty about it.

I was definetely not expecting Tony to tell Rachel he didn't want anymore children, the way he whispered it makes you think he almost didn't really mean it or maybe he was just afraid of what she'd think. I imagine she's going to be completely heartbroken but I understand why he doesn't want to keep going through that pain or watch Rachel suffering. I'm a bit afraid of how she'll be in the next chapter, particularly when sh learns about Taylor. Absolutely can't wait for the next chapter!

[KirstyEkua]

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely long comments I really apperciate it.

I just realised that my previews are not actually relevant - just ignore them Usually i have no idea where a chapter is going to go until i start writing it, so i think i'll just leave it as a surprise

Hope you like this update The J/M stuff will appear in the next one, it was too long to all post together.

She collapsed onto the beach and drew her knees up to her chest, her arms wrapped around herself protectively as she wept frenziedly. Hot tears streamed down her face as she struggled to comprehend what her husband had told her. He’d started to backtrack but by then she was half way out of the door. He’d tried to grab her, begging her to stay and listen but she didn’t want to hear his excuses. It was as if he’d taken a knife and stabled her in the heart, slowing twisting it until she could no longer breathe. Maybe he just didn’t love her enough she thought bitterly as she brushed her hair out of her eyes and gazed out at the ocean; the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach ringing in her ears. The beach was pretty much deserted, something Rachel was thankful for. A handful of surfers bobbed around in the shallow water and a few small children were building sandcastles by the shore, giggling every time a wave almost destroyed their art work.

She didn’t see the figure approach. It was only when she was looming before, her hand shielding her eyes from the sun, that Rachel looked up and noticed Jazz standing before her, concern written all over her face.

‘Rachel,’ Jazz crouched down beside her, digging her heels into the sand.

‘I don’t really want to see you right now,’ Rachel muttered avoiding eye contact. ‘I just want to be alone.’ She wasn’t particularly interested in gossiping right now. She’d pretty much forgotten that only hours previously she’d been standing in her living room. ‘Can you just go please.’ It wasn’t a question. Rachel didn’t care if she was being rude. All she wanted was for Jazz to disappear before she did something she’d regret.

‘I know it’s hard for you but it’s not like Tony cheated,’ Jazz laughed. ‘I guess I should have told him sooner but I didn’t know for sure he was her dad, and I really didn’t expect him to be married, especially not to you.’ Jazz waved her hands dismissively. ‘But I think they should get to know each other, I mean it’s only right and – ’

‘What? Jazz what are you talking about,’ Rachel slowly turned to face her, a look of horror masked across her face. Her mind was whirling. Nothing made sense. She’d only picked up a few words of what Jazz had said but they couldn’t possibly mean what she thought. Rachel shook her head. It just couldn’t.

‘About Tony being Taylor’s dad,’ Jazz replied in confusion. ‘I mean that’s why you’re so upset right,’ she peered at Rachel nervously. ****, Jazz thought, her heart beginning to race.

It was then Rachel noticed the little girl running up the beach towards Jazz, her long dark hair tied back in a pink bow. She dropped herself at Jazz’s knees and grinned a toothy smile. Her yellow sundress was stained with what looked like the remains of a chocolate ice cream. ‘Mummy why is that lady sad?’ she asked, pointing at Rachel as she crawled in between her mothers knees.

‘She’s not sad honey,’ Jazz said quickly, glancing at Rachel out of the corner of her eye. ‘Sometime adults cry when they’re happy too.’

‘But she’s not smiling,’ Taylor pointed out. ‘She doesn’t look happy,’ she gazed at her mother, clearly unconvinced. ‘Can we go now,’ she asked as she grabbed her hand and attempted to pull her up. ‘I’m bored. And I want to go and see Daddy. You promised,’ Taylor wailed.

Rachel sat, transfixed. She felt she’d be hit by a ten ton truck and had had the wind knocked out of her. Was Jazz really saying that this little girl was Tony’s daughter? It was just too awful for Rachel to even consider. But then she saw the child staring at her in wonderment, her eyes filled with confusion. Tony’s eyes. There was no mistake. Rachel gasped loudly as she struggled to stand up, her feet sinking into the sand.

‘Rachel,’ Jazz called as she attempted to reach out and grab her arm.

‘Don’t you dare touch me,’ Rachel screamed. She stumbled as she picked up her flip flops that were buried under the sand. She paused momentarily to catch her breath. She felt nauseas. Crippling pain hit her in the stomach and she moaned slightly. Her baby was dead. Her husband didn’t want a family with her. And he had a daughter with someone else. The physical pain was so overwhelming. Rachel had no idea how she managed to stay upright. She was painfully aware of Jazz staring at her as she forced herself to breathe, completely unaware of the fresh tears that were running down her checks.

‘Look Rachel just sit down,’ Jazz sounded worried as she stood up to face her. ‘I’m sorry but –’

‘But nothing,’ Rachel yelled out in anger as she ran past her. She had no idea what to do.

**********************

‘Earth to Aden,’ Irene chuckled as she stood behind him. ‘What’s got into you,’ she questioned as she took some cheese out of the fridge. ‘Ever since you came back from your lunch with Belle you’ve been all spaced out. The romance all a bit too much for you huh?’ She grinned as she stood beside him and started to quickly butter bread.

‘Sorry,’ Aden shrugged.

‘What’s the matter,’ Irene probed gently. ‘Was Belle too busy to take a break?’ Irene smiled sympathetically. ‘Don’t take it personally love. You know how crazy she gets with that job sometimes.’

‘I don’t really want to talk about it,’ Aden replied nonchalantly as he grabbed the cheese from Irene and pressed it messily onto the burgers in front of him. Belle’s reaction to his news had floored him. Sure she’d done the obligatory thing; screamed and threw her arms around his neck and joyously told him how proud she was. But the whole thing had come across as being so fake. He had an inkling that she wasn’t as pleased as she’d made out to be. Her reaction had been too delayed, too forced.

‘Hey, watch what you’re doing,’ Irene rolled her eyes at him. ‘Go on, get out of here and come back in a better mood. Kids,’ she muttered to herself as Aden threw down his apron and disappeared out of the kitchen.

**********************

He was an idiot. Tony groaned inwardly as he yet again got Rachel’s voicemail. He sighed as he paced the living room. He didn’t know what to do. He knew her well enough to know she’d probably appreciate being left alone for a while but this time it was different. It wasn’t just the result of another silly argument where they’d kiss and make up in a matter of hours. It had come out all wrong. He wanted nothing more than to have a family with her. That’s what you did wasn’t it. Had a child with the person you loved and raised it together, a symbol of your love. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard. He loved her too much to see her go through so much pain. If only Rachel would see it that way. And now Jazz was back with a child claiming she was his. A tiny part of him was curious, desperate to meet this little person who was a part of him. But how could he do that to Rachel. His wife. He knew it would break her heart. God Rachel where are you, he muttered. He grabbed his keys and fled out of the door, realising he had to make sure she was okay. For now that was all that mattered.

**********************

Belle turned off her computer and sighed loudly. Everything was so messed up. She’d been so exhilarated, so enthralled by the prospect of London – but Aden’s news had completely changed everything. There was so denying it was brilliant news. She was thrilled he was finally doing something with his life, moving forward and taking steps to becoming the amazing person she knew he could be. And she was proud of him. She could remember the look in his eyes as he’d told her, the excitement and expectation. She’d always loved the way they would twinkle when he got animated about something. Telling him about London would destroy everything. Could she really ask him to put his life on hold for her, just when he was finally doing something on his own. Belle shook her head as she grabbed her bag, cursing as the contents spilled to the floor and gathered at her feet. She was sure of one thing – she wanted to go to London. And what scared her the most was that she wanted to go with or without Aden.

[Red Ranger 1]

Uh-oh, doesn't look like anyone's having a good time of it relationship wise.And now that Rachel knows about Taylor, she'll probably think that's why Tony doesn't want to try for a baby...Looking forward to more of this.

[Barbara]

Of course Jazz couldn't have known something else was wrong with Rachel but this is so not the way Rachel should have heard about Taylor. It would always have been hard but finding out from Tony might have been a bit less painful. Like RR1, I wouldn't be surprised if Rachel thought Taylor was the reason why Tony wanted to stop trying.

It looks likes things are going to be tough for Aden and Belle. This is certainly going to test their relationship. Maybe there's a way for Aden to transfer to a uni in London so they can both have what they want and still be together.

More please.