Hope, Peace, Love.

[Red Ranger 1]

I found myself wishing that Tony would make a stand with Jazz.Looks like he's finally realised that too.I can understand Rachel being upset but walking out on Tony isn't going to help anything, although she's done well to put up with it for this long.That ending leaves me very worried about who came in and what they're going to do...

[charmed60]

Oh.my.goodness! What a chapter, so so much going on there I just don't know where to start.

The fantastic news - Rachel's pregnant, yay! Although you wrote her conflicting emotions perfectly; it's so tragic, that she can't celebrate it despite instinctively wanting to jump for joy. She has to prepare herself for the fact that she could lose it And she's got to get past a stage she's never got to before for their baby to have a chance. It's so sad

Taylor is very very cute and I got really wrapped up in reading the little bit with her and Tony but then I had to pinch myself and remember that she's not actually his daughter, it made me so sad for Tony and for her and made me hate Jazz that little bit more. That bit when Rachel came in and knocked into the waitress just made me hide behind my eyes, I felt so embarassed for her - and the part with Tony...my heart broke into a million pieces, a million times for Rachel. I wanted to shake Tony; just knowing how fragile Rachel is about the situation, how left out she feels from this other part of his life and he pushes her away when she tells him she's pregnant; rejecting her in front of Jazz and a room full of people It's the worst possible reaction Tony could have had; I understand his fumbling response to her being pregnant; he's obviously excited but equally afraid, not just that they'll lose the baby but that he'll lose Rachel to and that he'll have to watch her go through that pain again. I don't actually blame her for leaving; I'm not sure it will solve the situation at all but I think Rachel needs that time away to herself and Tony needs to realise the impact his actions are having on his marriage and how much Jazz is manipulating him.

She already looked different he noted. Despite the redness around her eyes and the dark circles underneath she had a softness around her. Maybe it was just because he knew she was pregnant but there was something in the way in which she seemed to move more carefully, more slowly, that made him want to protect her until the day she gave birth.

This paragraph was beautiful; a gorgeous insight into how Tony feels behind the man whose being manipulated by Jazz. And Rachel to - she must be afraid to even move at the moment, it's like she's just waiting for a miscarriage to happen.

I adored the Leah/Rachel scene; the way Leah supported her unconditionally and just let her cry and talk it all out. The way Rachel accidentally blurted out about being pregnant so blase and Leah just shrieked! It was perfect; she was right to send her back to talk to Tony though. He needs to know exactly how she feels. And I'm pleased that Rachel was able to admit that she knew Tony wasn't doing it to be cruel, she knew he was being manipulated but I think her finding out she's pregnant has just been the ultimate end for her; she can't put up with the stress anymore. She has to put the baby first.

And that final bit; oh my goodness whose at the door! Will they tell Rachel? Is it Rachel? Ah don't leave us on that cliffhanger please! It looks so wrong even though it was totally innocent, ahhh I'm so angry with Jazz. Honestly, who does she think she is? I'm glad Tony finally told Jazz exactly how he felt, it's just a shame it might have all been in vain.

Please update soooon before my reply ends up as long as your fic!

[KirstyEkua]

I'm sorry this update is like a lot of months late. Oops. I kinda lost all inspiration i had to write about Home and Away but i really want to finish the fics (so i can start a new one ). Again apologies for randomly updating and i hope its not too hard for people to get back on track with what is happening. I must also apologise for the lack of Belle/Aden and Martha/Jack. I'll finish off their stories in the next chapter Thank you to everyone for all your support and comments, always.

‘Rachel!’ This is not how it looks, please.’ He was desperate. ‘Rachel!’ He yelled as she turned and fled.

‘Let her go calm down,’ Jazz suggested, shrugging casually. ‘Talking to her right now would probably make things worse.’

‘Damm you.’ Tony stared at her, wondering what had happened to the Jazz he had once cared for. A screech of breaks and a loud cry shattered his thoughts. ‘Rachel,’ he whispered as he ran outside.

‘I’m so sorry, she came out of nowhere.’ A woman approached him by the side of the road, her voice panicked. Her voice shook as she explained how she just didn’t see Rachel until it was too late.

‘Oh God.’ Tony cried out, his voice strangled. Rachel was slumped on the kerb, holding her head in her hands.

‘Tony,’ she muttered.

‘Call an ambulance,’ he instructed to the women, before setting himself down beside his wife.

The woman nodded and scurried to her car, her footsteps heavy. Tony kissed Rachel’s head and squeezed her hands. ‘Does anything hurt?’ he asked anxiously, his heart thudding. He felt like he could throw up at any moment. Jazz had suddenly appeared behind him and she crouched down, resting her hand on his arm. ‘You need to leave,’ he whispered sternly, only taking his eyes off Rachel for a second.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jazz muttered. She was genuinely remorseful. Rachel getting physically hurt was the last thing she wanted. ‘Okay, call me.’ Jazz stood up and quickly brushed down her shirt. She no longer felt the effects of the alcohol. Tony was oblivious to her. Shaking her head she walked away purposely, her heels clicking off the pavement. As she watched Tony cradle Rachel in his arms and whisper into her ear a wave of loneliness washed over her. As much as Tony probably hated her right now, she hated herself even more.

‘Rach,’ Tony shook her lightly. Her lack of response to his questions terrified him. She muttered something incoherent as her head dropped, sliding down his chest. ‘Hey, babe,’ he slipped his hand under her chin and pulled her head back up. ‘Talk to me,’ he insisted. He stroked her cheek and wiped away the blood that was still tricking down her face.

‘I’m okay,’ she slurred. ‘The baby,’ she feebly shook her head and chocked out a sob. Rachel rubbed her stomach and looked up at Tony, her eyes brimming with tears. ‘Please let it be okay,’ she pleaded before another feeling of dizziness washed over her and her eyes dropped shut; her body slumping against Tony’s chest. He placed his hands on top of hers; resting them on her stomach. Please no, he thought. If they lost this baby then he knew they’d never be able to survive. A sharp stab of pain hit him in the chest as he struggled to force himself to think positively. He couldn’t bear to envision his life without Rachel in it. And it was all his own, stupid fault. If only he wasn’t so pathetic.

‘Rach are you in pain,’ he repeated, his tone becoming more and more desperate. Apart from the nasty looking gash on her forehead he couldn’t see any obvious signs of injury. It troubled him that she appeared so out of it. Struggling to control his nausea he forced himself to breathe deeply; sucking in gulps of fresh air. He refused to believe anything too awful. It was incomprehensible to him that once again they’d lose the one thing they both wanted more than anything else in the world. Life couldn’t be so cruel. Tony wrestled with the part of his brain that told him how unreasonable his thoughts were. ‘Rachel darling, please say something,’ he pleaded, his voice breaking. ‘Does anything hurt?’

‘No, no, just my head,’ she mumbled sleepily. She didn’t open her eyes. The sound of sirens squealing nearby brought him instant relief.

‘Thank God,’ Tony mumbled to himself as an ambulance drew up in front of him. A feeling of utter helplessness overcame him as he could only watch as his wife was lifted onto a stretcher and placed in the back of the vehicle.

‘You coming mate?’ A paramedic shoved him towards the doors. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the women who’d knocked her down talking to the police, her hands covering her face. He could hear her crying. Strangely he didn’t feel any animosity towards her. He knew it was all his fault.

**********************************

‘I’m sorry Tony she doesn’t want to see you.’ Derek smiled apologetically and quickly looked away. ‘Maybe you could come back in a few hours and see how she feels then.’

‘She doesn’t want to see me?’ Tony asked, clearly shocked by his wife’s request. He laughed in disbelief and glanced at Derek questionably.

‘Yes, look I’m sorry but I’m afraid I have to follow her wishes right now. She didn’t explain why, naturally, but she made it pretty clear.’ Derek shuffled his feet in embarrassment. He liked Tony and had no idea what had happened between them to cause Rachel to ask in this way. He cleared his throat loudly, uncomfortable at the silence that had fallen between them. ‘She did however ask to see you,’ he indicated at Leah.

‘Right,’ Leah nodded business like. ‘So I’ll just go and talk to her,’ she looked at Tony as she started to slowly inch her away to Rachel’s room.

‘Sure, go,’ he smiled despondently. ‘Please Leah let me know how she is, and the baby too.’ He hung his head miserably. ‘And tell her I love her. So much. ‘

‘Sure,’ Leah nodded. ‘Give her time Tony. She’ll come round.’ She tried to sound reassuring.

‘Yeah.’ He replied uncertainly. ‘I’m just going to sit here and wait,’ he shrugged as he sat down in one of the plastic chairs.

‘If you’re sure,’ Derek asked. ‘Maybe you should go home, freshen up.’

‘I’m staying here,’ he insisted.

*******************************

Tony sighed and shifted in his seat as he attempted to get comfortable. Six hours sitting across plastic chairs didn’t exactly make him feel like jumping for joy. Rachel still refused to see him. Leah had left a few hours before; muttering something about how she thought it best she not talk to him right now and to just give Rachel time. He didn’t have that though. He ran his hands though his hair and rubbed his eyes tiredly. It was quiet now. Every so often people left and others arrived, but no one had stayed longer that him.

‘Tony mate go home,’ Derek smiled kindly as he approached him. ‘It’s late. Rach is asleep. Come back in the morning,’ he offered gently.

‘No.’ Tony shook his head and swung his legs around to the floor, giving Derek a seat. ‘I’m just going to wait here. Can I go in and sit with her?’ He looked at him hopefully. ‘I mean she’s asleep, it’s not like she’ll know, they maybe when she wakes up she’ll -.’ Tony stopped. ‘I didn’t mean to sound like a creep,’ he laughed hollowly. ‘I just love her Derek,’ he gazed at him pleadingly. ‘It’s killing me, sitting here, not being able to do anything. All this mess – it’s my fault.’

‘Tony,’ Derek rubbed his brow in frustration. ‘I know you want to be there for her but I can’t ignore her wishes. I’m sorry – I really am.’ He was sympathetic. ‘Please, go home and get some rest. You’re not going to be any good to her if you try and sleep here. Besides I can’t really let you,’ he admitted. ‘I’ll tell her you were here,’ he added, trying to sound compassionate. ‘And I’ll call you if anything changes, I promise.’ Tony stood up slowly, finally admitting defeat.

‘I’ll be here first thing. Thanks,’ he muttered as he turned away from Derek and disappeared.

****************************

She couldn’t sleep. The hot, sticky air in the room and the itchy sheets drove her mad. The past few hours had been spent tossing and turning, which only infuriated her pounding headache. And she couldn’t stop the same images from flashing across her mind every time she closed her eyes and tried to sleep. Her husband with another woman. In her own living room. It killed her. She’d told Leah everything. Deep down she knew her best friend was right; Tony was an idiot but it was pretty obvious who had initiated the whole thing. Perhaps refusing to see him hadn’t been the best idea. There was no doubt in Rachel’s mind that Tony had been telling the truth about what had happened. But it was impossible to stop seeing him with Jazz. And it hurt more than she ever thought was possible. Sighing heavily she pushed the sheet from her body and forced herself to relax, breathing deeply. If only Tony was here, she thought, her eyes brimming with tears. All she’d ended up doing was punishing herself.

[Red Ranger 1]

A big welcome back to you and to this fic!Loved the update, shock at Rachel being hurt like that, glad she seems to be all right.Hope she changes her mind and sees Tony.

[HighwayUnicorn]

Wow. Another amazing chapter. It was written beautifully. Rachel's emotions were just so realistically written.

& I loved the last paragraph too. So perfectly written. Well done.

Love Carina xxx

[charmed60]

Wow wow wow!! That was an incredibly dramatic chapter! I can't believe Rachel saw Jazz and Tony; it must have been heartbreaking for her and I don't blame her for running straight out. She'd come home to try and sort things out with him And then she got hit by the car! I did not see that coming - Tony must have been absolutely racked with guilt. Glad to see a more humane side to Jazz; I wonder if this will affect the way she's been behaving and if she'll be honest now she's seen how much Tony loves Rachel. The description of how in shock Rachel was was written really well by you I think; her being out of it and muttering little things whilst slipping in and out of consciousness but the most heartbreaking thing was how she just allowed Tony to comfort her despite how angry she must have been with him. She must have been really scared and the joint image of them having their hand on the baby was really beautiful.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see the women who’d knocked her down talking to the police, her hands covering her face. He could hear her crying. Strangely he didn’t feel any animosity towards her. He knew it was all his fault.

That was a beautifully poignant sentence. The poor woman must be feeling dreadful and in shock even though it wasn't her fault. But to know Tony's blaming himself so much is really sad - I think he needed a bit of a kick up the butt but I would never wished him to learn his lesson this way!

I felt really bad for Derek as well; it must have been awkward for him to have to tell Tony he wasn't welcome in whilst asking Leah through. That must have been really awful for Tony, he must have felt completely rejected whilst all along feeling like it's his fault. It's good that he showed his commitment to her by staying bless him I can understand her not wanting to see him, she must be really hurt by what he's done but I hope she'll let him in to talk soon as pushing him away is going to make things worse in the long run. I think Rachel's realised that though so hopefully she'll let him in soon!

Amazing amazing chapter I can't wait for the next one; please don't leave us waiting long! hehe

[KirstyEkua]

Thank you so much for your comments everyone I am so grateful to you all for keeping up with this fic, i know i've been a bit off and on with it.

‘Rachel, I need to talk to you.’ Jazz sat down on the chair next to the bed before Rachel had time to answer.

‘Well I don’t really want to talk to you.’ Rachel pushed herself up to a sitting position and glared at her. ‘Get out.’ She turned and faced the opposite wall. She’d hardly slept the whole night. Every hour or so she’d find herself awake, her mind racing frantically. Thankfully the baby was okay. They’d done an ultrasound first thing. Tony had been sitting in the hall, waiting. Derek told her he’d come in at 7 that morning. Rachel sighed heavily. She hadn’t even let him come to the ultrasound. A small tear trickled down her cheek as she wondered why she was so intent on hurting herself even more.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jazz whispered. Rachel was surprised. ‘Of all the things she expected to hear from Jazz, apologising was not top of the list. ‘What happened between Tony and I, well it was all my doing. I threw myself at him.’ Jazz sat up straight in the chair, crossing her legs business like. Talking to Rachel was the only way she knew of getting back into Tony’s good books. ‘He didn’t want anything to do with me.’ Jazz spoke bitterly. ‘He loves you Rachel.’

‘Why did you do it?’ Rachel turned to face Jazz.

‘Is it so bad I wanted to create a family for our daughter?’ Rachel winced slightly as Jazz’s words.

‘When the man in question is already married then, yeah, it’s not exactly a good thing.’ Rachel muttered. ‘Did you really think he was just going to leave me and set up house with you?’ She narrowed her eyes towards Jazz.

‘Maybe, I don’t know.’ Jazz shrugged. ‘You don’t know how lucky you are Rachel, to have a man who loves you.’

‘I’m lucky?’ Rachel laughed incredulously. ‘Please. I’m sitting in a hospital bed, my husband has been banned from the room, I may or may not have this baby, the chances are I won’t,’ Rachel paused, ‘and did I forget to mention the man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with has a child with another woman. So yes, I’m feeling pretty lucky right now.’ Rachel sniffed back tears and fiddled with her blanket.

Jazz shook her head. ‘You have Tony. And he loves you a hell of a lot.’ Rachel started straight ahead as Jazz stood up, scrapping back her chair.

‘Can you ask Tony to come in please?’ Rachel didn’t turn around as Jazz left the room.

***************************

Belle pushed open the door to the coffee house and smiled as her new friends waved her over. She’d been in London for over 2 months now and she absolutely loved it. Even the rain didn’t dampen her spirits. The job was incredible and she sometimes she had to pinch herself; it was like a dream. She Belle Taylor, was living in London and working as a journalist. Even telling people that out loud sent little shivers through her body.

‘Hey,’ she squealed as she flopped onto the sofa.

‘Belle, look,’ exclaimed Amber, a pretty red head who worked at the magazine, ‘Here.’ She shoved a handful of papers into her hands. ‘Only £50 for a weekend in Prague! We have to go.’

‘Okay, awesome.’ Belle laughed, her eyes shining with excitement. It thrilled her that she could do things like that. It was just one of the things she adored about London. Europe was pretty much on her doorstep.

She’d pushed all thoughts of Aden to the back of her mind, desperate not to let them resurface. Deciding to leave without saying goodbye had been the hardest decision of her life. Maybe she should have left him a latter. It wasn’t like she hadn’t tried. Belle had had no idea what to say. For once she’d be unable to get the words out. But she knew it was the right one. Aden would only have persuaded her to stay. And Belle was terrified of what would have happened if she had.

*******************************

‘I can’t believe she doesn’t fit into these anymore,’ Martha smiled sadly as she folded Laura’s baby clothes and carefully placed them in boxes. ‘I’ll give them to Rachel,’ she decided.

‘That’s nice,’ Jack smiled towards his wife,’ or we could just have another one,’ he suggested. ‘I’m sure Laura would love a little brother or sister.

‘Very funny,’ Martha replied sourly, folding a red pinafore dress.

‘I wasn’t joking,’ Jack looked bewildered. 'I don't mean right now, but in a year or so it would be nice.' He smiled desperately at her, suddenly wishing he could take back his words.

‘If you really weren’t then obviously you’re living in some kind of fantasy land.’ Martha dumped the box into the floor. ‘I’m going to bed. ‘She practically ran to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Jack sighed and grabbed a cushion in frustration. You idiot, he scolded himself. Just when things were finally getting better between them. Martha had started to relax more and wasn’t averse to leaving Laura for a few hours so they could have some alone time. But then there were days when she didn’t leave the house, or spent all day in her pyjamas. With everything that was going on with his dad and Rachel, he figured he hadn’t realised just how erratic her behaviour was becoming. Jack didn’t know what to do.

*******************************************

‘What do you think of this?’ Rachel held up a tiny blue baby grow with ‘Mummy’s little alarm clock,’ splashed across the front in red lettering with a bear in the background. ‘It’s so cute,’ she giggled.

‘And so are the other dozen or so in here,’ Tony glanced at the basket. ‘And what if the baby’s a girl?’

‘So she can wear blue when it’s this cute,’ Rachel shrugged and looked up at Tony pleadingly.

‘Okay,’ Tony put his arm around her and kissed her forehead as they walked towards the pay point. He was just relieved things were okay between them. In the few days since she’d left hospital they’d spend every hour together, just talking and relaxing. He’d forced himself to push Jazz to the back of his mind and concentrate on his wife and for the most part it had worked. The sparkle was back in her eyes and she no longer tensed up when he cuddled up to her in bed. They’d promised never to let Jazz come between them again and as hard as it was going to be Tony knew he had to be strong. Jazz hadn’t been in touch since the accident and it worried him, as much as it pained him to admit. The last he’d seen of her was when she left Rachel’s hospital room, much to his shock.

Amazingly whatever she’d said to Rachel had actually worked in his favour. But it was difficult for him, as much as he didn’t want to admit it to his wife. He missed Taylor.

‘This is pretty,’ Rachel grabbed a pink sundress off the rail and held it up for Tony.

‘It’s a little big.’ Tony frowned. ‘Do you really want to save this for the next…four years?’ He turned the tag over.

‘Not for the baby you idiot.’ Rachel rolled her eyes. ‘I thought Taylor might like it,’ Rachel was almost shy.

‘I think she would.’ Tony smiled at his wife. ‘Thank you.’ Rachel smiled and nodded. ‘I know you miss her,’ Rachel was matter of a fact. ‘You need to call Jazz.’ She dropped the dress into the basket. ‘Let’s go home,’ Rachel yawned exaggeratedly.

‘Good idea.’ Tony glanced into the basket. ‘The baby’s going to have to be changed at least twice a day to wear all this stuff,’ he laughed. He didn’t mind, he was just relieved things between him and Rachel were back on track. He’d deal with Jazz later.

***************************************

Jazz trembled as she placed the phone down, her heart thumping in her chest. She didn’t have much time left. He’d made it clear she only had a few more weeks before he spilled the truth. Why she thought it was a good idea to borrow so much money in the first place was beyond her. But at the time it had all been so simple, so clear in her mind. She’d been so sure Tony was the father. And since Paul’s sudden departure she’d been desperate. Taylor would have a father figure in her life and she’d have the man she’d always wanted. It honestly hadn’t crossed her mind that he wouldn’t be the biological father. And now he didn’t even want her. Tears slid from her eyes as she crawled under the covers and sobbed quietly, not wanting to wake her daughter. She knew she had to keep fighting.

[HighwayUnicorn]

Oh, so Belle did go but without telling Aden. Oh dear.

Aww. Rachel. & the baby can wear blue if it's a girl!

That was such a sweet moment.

Seriously, well done. Another fantastic chapter.

Well done & I look forward to more.

Love Carina xxx

[Red Ranger 1]

Loved the chat between Rachel and Jazz and that Rachel and Tony seem to have made up.Of course, now everyone else's relationship seem to be on the rocks...

[charmed60]

Why has it taken me so long to comment on this? I'm so sorry! And wow what a chapter, so much has happened and I loved how you tied everything together.

The first scene with Jazz was really unexpected, she was so nice to Rachel but I can't help to suspect it's all part of her plan. It's good that she able to help Rachel see the reality of the situation and convince her to forgive Tony. It's ironic how both of them are in pretty awful positions considering what they both want and neither of them is the 'lucky one.' I loved how Rachel just asked Jazz to call Tony in suddenly at the end, I thought that was really sweet.

Really surprised about Belle - she left without even telling Aden! I wonder how he's coping? Not well I can imagine. But I suppose the upside is how she appears pleased with her decision and it seems to have worked out okay for her!

Bit worried about Martha there....probably a bit too early for Jack to be suggesting another baby but her reaction was a bit 'extreme.' I wonder if she has any postnatal depression? Hopefully Jack can get her some help.

I adooooored the Rachel and Tony final scene. Just the way they're communicating now is so refreshing! My favourite bit (apart from all the gushy, cute babygro jokes) was when Rachel held up a dress for Taylor. I thought that was a really sweet suggestion and it's nice to see that she's somewhat accepted Taylor in Tony's life now and is appearing to deal with it. I look forward to them both meeting! Tony's reaction to the amount of baby clothes was really sweet and him being pleased that she no longer tenses up. Hopefully they've turned a corner now!

Although saying that Jazz sounds like she's got herself into a difficult situation and I'm hoping she manages to find a way out of it without anymore deception!!

Such an amazing fic, I so hope you update this soon! I adore it, you portray the agony and intense emotions perfectly!