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Lullabye


Guest bradyell

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5

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

That phrase was repeatedly running through Aden’s head as he made his way towards the exit of the hospital. So many times over the past nine months he had imagined this moment. Never once in his imaginings had he been alone. Belle had always been there, clutching his hand, pure joy etched on to her features as she gazed down at their new-born.

Just thinking about what it could have been, should have been even, almost brought Aden to his knees again. He was startled from his thoughts when a cool breeze hit him when he reached the doors leading to the car park.

“S**t” he murmured to himself and then cursed himself inwardly for swearing in front of his daughter. “Sorry Lola, don’t listen to daddy baby! Well no…you have to listen to me but…..just don’t listen to the bad words ok? Right, now silly daddy doesn’t have a blanket for you, what are we gonna do huh?”

Although summer was well on the way the late night air had a chill to it and even with his limited knowledge of babies Aden knew that Lola would need wrapping up to keep her warm.

He was frozen on the spot contemplating his next move when Irene rounded the corner and approached him.

“Darl, I think you might need this.”

She raised her hand and Aden’s breath caught in his throat when he recognised the bag she was clutching.

Flashback

“Hey honey I’m home.”

Aden arrived home after a shift at the bait shop and called for Belle as soon as he walked through the door.

“Up here babe.”

He grinned as he made his way upstairs knowing full well which room he’d find his wife in. As he passed their bedroom he pulled his bag from his shoulder and threw it onto the floor at the foot of the bed and then continued along the corridor coming to a stop at the open door of the nursery. He leant against the frame and spent a moment just gazing at Belle. At eight months pregnant she was glowing and he couldn’t get enough of looking at her.

“What you up to gorgeous?” He asked, pushing himself off the doorframe and sauntering into the room until he was stood right behind Belle, his arms sliding around her waist and his hands coming to rest on her ample bump.

“Just sorting out the bag.” She replied with a smile as she turned her head so her lips could meet his.

“Didn’t you pack that already?” He asked once they had parted.

“No.” Belle turned back to the changing table where she had been busy working before Aden had interrupted her. “I packed my bag, this one is for bub.”

“Ah, I see.” Aden removed one of his hands from her stomach and tilted the bag that was placed on the table. “Well, it’s empty! See sweetheart, the idea of packing is that you actually put the stuff into the bag.” He teased as he returned his hand to the bump, his thumbs gently brushing up and down.

“Ha-ha! Aren’t you the funny one! I was actually waiting for you so that we could make the final decision as to what goes in together. Now, I’m wondering why I bothered.”

“Awww babe, I’m sorry, I’m an idiot.”

“Yes you are.” Belle grinned as he began to place warm kisses onto her neck.

“But you love me right?” He whispered right into her ear.

“Hmm I suppose.” She giggled. “So are you going to help me choose or just stand here kissing me whilst I do all the work.”

“Would you be terribly disappointed if I chose the helping?”

“Idiot!” Belle giggled.

Within half an hour they had agreed on the contents of the bag. There were a couple of plain white and cream baby grows each with a matching hat, the same amount of vests. A stack of nappies and muslin squares, some scratch mitts and a beautiful white blanket that Nicole had bought when she first found out about the pregnancy. It was incredibly soft and had a small motif of a bear stitched into one corner.

“You realise…” Belle began as she placed the blanket into the bag on top of the other items. “…the next time we get this out will be to wrap up our baby.”

“Yeah, I know.” Aden grinned resting his chin on her shoulder. “I can’t wait.” He added as he rubbed his hands in circles on her bump laughing when he got the response from the baby that he had wanted.

“Nor me…..” Belle paused for a moment before continuing “…Aden, are you scared?”

“Scared? What about sweetheart?” A look of worry coming to his face Aden slid his hands to Belle’s waist and encouraged her to turn to face him.

“just….all of this” Belle gestured to her stomach before resting her hands against Aden’s chest. “Being parents.”

“I guess it’s a little scary but you know what babe? We have each other, what could possibly go wrong eh?” he teased trying to lighten the mood.

“Aden, I’m trying to be serious!” Belle scolded. “I’ve got hardly got any experience with babies, you’ve got even less ……” she trailed off.

“Hey, I was being serious.” Aden grinned as he squeezed her hips reassuringly. “I get that we don’t have much experience but…I don’t know….I just think we are going to have so much fun learning together. Sweetheart, I know with all my heart that you are going to be the most amazing mother ok. Trust me!”

“How can I not trust you when you say beautiful things like that?” Belle grinned back at him then raised herself onto her tiptoes to press a kiss against his lips. “Oh, and for the record…” She whispered as she pulled away. “I already know that you are going to be the best daddy.”

End flashback

“Aden, are you alright?” Irene walked closer to him and reached out to hold his arm, breaking him out of the trance he had fallen into.

“Not really.” He replied swallowing the lump in his throat. “But I’m gonna have to be for this little one.”

“Oh love…” Irene squeezed his arm reassuringly “…you aren’t alone ok, we’re all here for the both of you.”

“Yeah, I know. Can you grab me the blanket out of that bag?”

“Sure.” Irene rested the bag onto the seats next to them and after rooting through it for a moment pulled the blanket out and unfolded it. She draped it carefully over the baby in Aden’s arms and watched in silence whilst he adjusted his hold on the new-born so he could wrap the blanket snuggly around her.

“That’s better isn’t it Lola? Let’s go home baby.”

“Look love, why don’t I come home with you, help you ge…”

“No!” Aden exclaimed before taking a deep breath. “I know….i know you mean well but if Belle were here….” At that he had to pause as a wave of emotion threatened to overwhelm him. He took a few more deep breaths to calm himself before continuing. “If Belle were here then you wouldn’t be offering. I just…I need to be alone with my baby for a little while.”

“Ok.” Irene nodded. “I’m not gonna pressure you; god knows you’re going through enough. Just remember I’m at the end of the phone if you need anything.”

“Thanks Irene.”

“Come on darl; let me carry her to the car at least.”

Aden reluctantly loosened his hold on his daughter and manoeuvred her into Irene’s arms then after picking up the bag from the chair followed her towards the car all the while trying to keep memories at bay.

“Here we go. Now you be a good girl for your daddy Lola. Nana Rene will see you soon sweetheart.” Irene crooned as she dropped a kiss onto the babies head. “You want me to put her in the seat?”

“Nah, I’ve got it.” Aden lifted Lola from her arms and turned with her towards the car. The car seat had been strapped into position since earlier the previous day. Belle had insisted it was the first thing Aden do when they had realised she was in labour. “Come on angel, in we go.” After carefully lowering her into the seat Aden spent a few minutes checking Lola was strapped in firmly, tugging on the straps to make sure they were tightly locked into place.

“All done.” He murmured as he closed the door firmly and looked around to face Irene.

“Oh love, are you sure you’re going to be alright?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be alright again Irene.” He answered sadly causing Irene’s eyes to fill with tears as she reached out to embrace him.

“I know love, I know.” She soothed as she held him. “You know where I am…”

“Yeah, I do. I’ll see you later yeah?”

“Absolutely, there’s…well there’s lots to sort out isn’t there.” She replied as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“yeah. I’ll see you then.”

With that Aden walked to the other side of the car and climbed in, leaning over to check on Lola once more. Once he was satisfied she was safe he pulled on his own seatbelt and started the car.

“So this is it baby girl, just the two of us.” He said pulling the car off the car park as tears began to roll slowly down his cheeks. “We’ll be fine as long as we have each other.”

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6

The smooth motion of the car lulled Lola into a peaceful sleep within minutes of leaving the hospital. Aden stole glances at her at every opportunity, revelling in her beauty at the same time as wondering how he was going to do this…raise this perfect little person all by himself.

After parking the car safely on the driveway he decided that rather than wake Lola by lifting her out of the seat he would just undo it from the car and carry her inside in it. This idea however was easier said than done, it took a full five minutes for him to figure out how to release the seat from the harness that had been fixed into the passenger seat. When he eventually freed it he lifted it from the car and grabbed the bag with his other hand then slung it over his shoulder and quietly closed the door of the car.

As he placed the key into the lock and pushed open the house door he focused all his attention on the sleeping baby in a bid to fend off the barrage of memories that hit him as soon as he was over the threshold. He knew that he couldn’t hold them off for long, that they would catch up with him sooner or later but he also knew that once those memories overtook him he’d be a mess and he needed to keep himself together for his daughter’s sake.

“What now then Lola? Bed I guess.” Even though he spoke quietly his voice still seemed to echo through the otherwise empty house.

A wave of nausea overcame him at the mere thought of spending the night alone in the bed that he had shared with his wife. As he climbed the stairs he made the decision to convert the sofa in the nursery into a bed. He kept his eyes away from their open bedroom door, knowing just the sight of their bed, still messy from the night before, would be enough to tip him over the edge into the deep pit of despair he was currently doing all he could to avoid.

Entering the nursery was every bit as difficult as he had imagined. It was so full of Belle that it made him ache. Every piece of furniture, every soft touch had been chosen by her and then lovingly arranged. She had wanted so much for everything to be perfect for their new arrival.

Flashback

“Aden……Aden.”

Belle’s gentle voice was met with silence as she tried to rouse her husband from sleep.

“Aden!” She cried, this time raising her voice and adding a shove to his side.

“Huh, wha….what is it babe?” Aden bolted upright a hand coming to his face to wipe the sleep from his eyes. “Are you alright?” A fleeting look of panic crossed his face as his barely open eyes swept over his wife.

“I’m fine” Belle replied chirpily as she fought to stifle the giggles that were threatening to burst free at his reaction.

“You’re alright?” He checked as he flopped back down onto his pillow.

“Uh huh.”

“Then what’s with the dramatics sweetheart? You almost gave me a hear attack.”

“Sorry.” Belle giggled as she tried to look contrite. “I just wanted you to wake up.”

“There are other ways of doing that you know.” A suggestive grin came to Aden’s face as he reached out and pulled Belle as close to him as her bump would allow. “Now I’m awake how about I give you a demonstration.”

Belle allowed herself to be pulled into a deep kiss and reciprocated with just as much enthusiasm for a few moments before pulling away.

“I think I got the hang of it.” She whispered with a grin.

“Yeah? I’m not so sure.” Aden replied kissing her once more.

“Aden, come on…” Belle murmured as she pushed against his chest, hoping to distance herself from him slightly. “We….you need to get up.”

“Why?” he groaned noticing for the first time that she was already fully dressed and her hair was damp from the shower. “And how long have you been up?”

“I’ve been up for over an hour. You remember what today is right?”

“It’s…..Friday.” Aden answered after a pause for thought and a glance at the clock on the nightstand. “And our day off….. And barely nine am. Why are you up so early gorgeous? Are you sure everything’s ok?”

“I knew it, you’ve forgotten!” Belle huffed. “I can’t believe it Aden! I can’t believe you forgot!”

“What?” Aden had the good grace to look confused as he pulled himself into a sitting position. “It’s not your birthday, my birthday…..some kind of anniversary?” The last guess was definitely more of a question as he tried to sift through dates in his head.

“No! Aden it’s none of those things!” Belle fumed folding her arms in front of her chest as a barrier between them.

“Well, what is it? Babe, come on, tell me.” He reached towards her, grinning in spite of himself when she leant away. “baby….”

“Well, not that you care…clearly….but our child’s furniture is being delivered today, we had agreed that we were going to work on the nursery but you obviously….”

“Belle!” Aden exclaimed cutting her off. “Of course I care…you know I do!” He reached forwards again and placed his hand on her stomach. “I’m just rubbish at remembering dates and stuff, that’s why I married you remember, my own personal organiser!” He winked at her and she couldn’t help but smile back.

“I hope it was for more than my organisational skills that you married me!”

“Well, there is the fact that you are devastatingly beautiful…..oh and forgiving as well.”

“I hate you!” Belle grinned as she shook her head

“Nah, you love me!”

_______

“Are you sure it’s not too……too……plain?” Belle asked as she leant against the crib and surveyed the room.

The walls were already painted an off white and they had agreed to leave them that colour and just brighten them up with pictures, that way being able to keep the room neutral as they didn’t yet know the sex of the baby. Aden had put together the crib, dresser and changing table and was just finishing up hanging the blind which was themed to co-ordinate with the bedding that Belle had lined the crib with. They had also chosen a matching lightshade, pictures and mobile, each with the same cream and brown teddy bear gracing them. A cream sofa placed under the window completed the room.

“Babe, it looks great.” Aden answered as jumped down from the ladder. “We can add a bit more colour when we know what colour we need to add!” he laughed as he made his way over to her. “The main thing is that this little one will be happy and comfy in here.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” She returned his grin as she placed her hands on top of where his rested on her stomach.

They fell into a comfortable silence as they relished in the movements of their child under their fingers.

“Ooo! I almost forgot!” Belle pushed Aden away and hurried from the room. She was back before Aden had reached the door to follow her, something hidden behind her back.”

“What you got there?” He asked.

“This.” Belle grinned.

She moved her arm to reveal a teddy bear clutched in her hands. It matched perfectly the one from the furnishings and was, Aden realised as he reached out to touch it, unbelievably soft.

He struggled to find the words to let her know how happy he was feeling in that moment so did the only thing he could think of and kissed her.

“It’s perfect baby.” He murmured.

“It will be…..” Belle moved away from him again and walked over to the crib where she delicately placed the bear in the corner. “….There, now it’s perfect.”

End flashback

Aden had placed the car seat onto the changing table and began to undo the straps taking deep breaths to keep himself focused and together.

“Come on then little one, let’s get you sorted eh.”

He lifted the baby into his arms and holding her tightly against him moved the seat to the floor so he could lay her on the changing matt. He took in the fact that the baby grow somebody…Irene he guessed….had dressed her in was one from the bag he and Belle had prepared and would be ok for the baby to spend the night in but he knew her nappy at least would need changing.

“I have no idea what I’m doing here baby so you are gonna have to bear with me yeah?”

He trailed his hand softly over her tiny frame as he worked out how to undo the suit she was wearing. Once he had that done and gently tucked out of the way he pulled open a basket from underneath the table top and took out everything he thought he would need.

“Let’s do this then.”

He chattered softly to his daughter as he set about changing her, surprising himself at how quickly he managed to complete the task.

“That’s much better isn’t it? Let’s get you to bed Lola then daddy can make his bed. I’m gonna sleep just in here by you angel, that ok? You wanna share with daddy?”

Tenderly kissing her head he placed her into the crib, hovering over it for a moment to make sure she was settled. When he was satisfied that she was content he crept out of the room and made his way to the linen closet pulling out some sheets and a blanket. He then popped his head around the door of the nursery checking on Lola and throwing the bedding onto the sofa before heading into the bathroom.

He was in there the briefest possible time, not wanting to leave his daughter alone for more time than was absolutely necessary.

As soon as he re-entered the room he crossed over to the crib and was pleasantly surprised to find Lola sleeping again.

“You’re a good girl for your daddy aren’t you huh?” He whispered leaning forward to brush another kiss onto her head. “Sweet dreams beautiful girl.”

He spent the next few minutes quietly unfolding the sofa bed and making it up with the sheets he had collected. He climbed into it and pulled the blanket up to his chin, his eyes firmly trained on the crib in the centre of the room. With nothing else left to occupy his mind he finally let it drift to thoughts of Belle as tears began to fall once again unchecked down his cheeks.

*******

He eventually drifted off into a fitful seep after a few hours but was awoken with a start when a cry sounded from the crib.

“Lola….it’s alright baby, daddy’s here.” He almost tripped in his hurry to make it to the crib. “I’m here.” He soothed again as he lifted the crying new born into his arms. He rocked her gently, murmuring words of comfort into her tiny ear. “What is it? What do you need angel?” He thought for a moment before the obvious realisation hit him. “You hungry huh? Is that it?” When the cries continued he figured that his assumption was correct and as he looked at his watch he noticed that it had been around four hours since he had fed her at the hospital. He looked around the room hopelessly before another realisation hit him, this one almost knocking the breath out of him. Belle had decided to feed their baby herself, there was nothing in the house to feed his daughter.

“Sh…”He caught himself before the swear word was fully formed this time. “It’s alright baby, don’t cry, please don’t cry. Daddy’s gonna fix this.”

He quickly walked to the bathroom and retrieved his phone from the pocket of the jeans he had slung onto the floor. He scrolled through the contacts list as he rocked Lola, trying to sooth her. Once he had found the number he desired he raised the phone to his ear. Despite the late, or rather early hour the call was answered before the second ring.

“Aden?”

“Yeah, I need your help.”

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Aww I have just finished reading this fic and it hasn't disappointed me so far.

Belle's dead & now Aden's left on his own to deal with Lola but am glad he asked for help :)

Hope to see more soon x

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  • 3 weeks later...

I must first of all thank you all for the lovely comments, they mean so much! Now...to apologise for the looooooooooooooooooooong wait for an update! I have so much going on at the moment - my job is coming to an end after 13 years and i'm in the process of setting up my own business which is giving me lots to think about and leaving me with not much room in my mind for anything else!! On top of that i have football fever and a rather significant birthday coming up so all in all it's a busy old summer so far! I will keep on writing whenever i get the opportunity so please bare with me, i haven't given up!!

So now....without further ado.....the next chap :D

7

Within half an hour of Aden’s early morning call Irene was at his house, a bag of ready made bottles from the hospital with her. She had explained how that was the best she could do at that time of the morning but assured him that first thing she would go to the shops and get everything he’d need to feed the baby girl. She hovered around for a short while but understood his need to be on his own with the baby and left him to it.

The next few days passed in the same fashion, Aden spending as much time alone with Lola as possible. Irene, Roman and Nicole had kept up an endless stream of visits ensuring that he knew they were there if he needed them. Many of the other residents of the bay had visited to offer their condolences and to get a peak at the newest addition to their community but they had all been turned away.

Aden understood why people wanted to see him and Lola……especially Lola but he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t listen to people telling him how sorry they were for his loss……like they had any idea how much pain he was in, how every morning was a struggle for him just to take that first conscious breath. If it weren’t for his daughter he was certain that he would be unable to fight off the blackness that was hovering at the edge of his consciousness. But she was there, a bright light to see him through these hardest of days.

On the morning of Belle’s funeral he awoke as usual to the sounds of Lola’s quiet whimpers. He was still sleeping in her room so it took only seconds for him to reach her crib and lift her into his arms.

“Morning sweetheart, you have a good sleep huh? I hope you did baby. Daddy didn’t, you see, we’ve got a big day today.”

As he spoke he made his way downstairs to the kitchen and set about preparing Lola’s feed, a task which he was now used to enough to be able to manage with one hand whilst his other kept his daughter safely nestled against his chest.

“We have to say goodbye to your mommy today sweetheart.” He sighed.

Just saying those words caused an almost physical pain to jolt through him. Goodbye….to Belle….How was he going to do that? How was he going to find the strength to watch her coffin be lowered to the ground and then walk away…leaving her behind. Just the thought of it caused a strangled sob to break free over his lips and his legs to feel weak underneath him. He dropped the bottle and clutched the counter for support taking deep breaths to steady himself. Lola’s hungry cries brought him back to his senses.

“I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry, your bottle’s coming.”

He hurried to finish preparing her bottle and then took her into the lounge where he settled himself comfortably on the couch and began feeding her. He had barely started when a loud knocking reverberated around the house.

“Who’s that this early? You think it’s auntie Nic?”

Much to Lola’s dislike he briefly removed the bottle from her mouth as he went to answer the knock. He was almost sure it was Nicole when another knock sounded, patience had never been her strong point.

“Yeah, ok, I’m coming.” He grumbled, his voice barely audible over his daughters cries of distress.

He was surprised when he pulled the door open that the blonde on the other side was not the one he was expecting.

“Amanda.” He exclaimed in shock.

“Aden.”

Since he had brought Lola home he had been expecting a visit from his mother in law but this was the first he had seen of her since he had left the hospital.

“Err…come in.” He stepped back away from the door and allowed her room to pass.

“Thank you.” Amanda followed him into the house before hovering uncertainly next to the couch. “How is she?” She asked, gesturing to the baby in his arms.

“Hungry.” Aden murmured as he picked up the bottle and placed it back in Lola’s mouth, hushing her cries instantly. “She’s doing great though.” He added as he sat down, gesturing for Amanda to do the same.

“That’s…..that’s good. Look Aden…..about what happened at the hospital…..what I said…..I’m….I’m sorry. It’s just that Belle…..Belle’s my little girl….”

“Yeah, Lola’s mine.” Aden interrupted. “I get that you were upset Amanda, I do but….I…I can’t lose Lola too!” His voice broke on the final word.

“You won’t.” Amanda replied gently as she moved to sit closer too him, reaching out her hand timidly to rest on his arm. “You won’t lose her. She’s…..she’s best off here with her daddy, I know that now.”

“Thanks.” Aden managed to whisper as he took a deep breath to pull himself together.

“That’s ok. How…how are you? I mean…I know this must be……No…. I don’t know…I can’t imagine how you are feeling……”

“It’s…..Amanda it’s so hard…I…I miss her.” The composure that Aden had managed to find slipped away again as he spoke those three simple words aloud for the first time. Tears began to slide down his cheeks as his shoulders shook. “I miss her so much.”

“I know darling, come here.” Amanda carefully draped her arm over his shoulder and pulled him into her as he cried.

*******

It took a while but eventually Aden’s tears dried up at almost the same time as Lola drained the last drop of formula from her bottle.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered to Amanda as he sat forward and rearranged his hold on the baby girl. “You all done angel?”

“That’s alright.” Amanda replied. “I’m glad that you feel that you can…..well that you trust me enough to….”

“Amanda, Belle loved you and trusted you and that’s enough for me. I should apologise for the other night too though.”

“You have nothing to apologise for. I was the one in the wrong.” Amanda insisted.

“No, you have a granddaughter that you want to get to know and I took her away and I’m sorry.”

“That’s ok.” Amanda muttered as she looked down to the baby in his arms and reached out a hand to take hold of the little girl’s, smiling when the tiny fingers curled around her own. “Hello Lola, aren’t you just the prettiest thing hey?”

“She is indeed.” Aden replied, his lips kicking up into a small smile as he gazed at his daughter. “Here.”

He adjusted his hold and carefully moved Lola into Amanda’s arms.

“Thank you.” Amanda whispered. “Hello sweetheart. Hi there. I’m your nana, do you remember me?” she cooed.

Aden watched in silence for a moment before glancing at the clock on the wall, surprised to see that is was later than he had thought.

“Would you watch her whilst I get ready?” He asked.

“I’d love to.” Amanda replied, her attention returning back to the little girl within seconds.

“Daddy’s just gonna go get dressed Lola, I won’t be long ok? I love you baby.” He leant over and brushed a kiss onto her chubby cheek before standing up from the couch. “I won’t be long.” He repeated again for Amanda’s benefit then made his way up the stairs and straight into the bathroom.

Within a few moments he was standing under the hot spray of the shower, his eyes closed as the water poured over his face. It had been days since he’d been able to spend anything longer than a few minutes in the shower, never wanting to leave Lola alone. Knowing that she was safe with Amanda he felt able to relax slightly and let the hot water wash away the tenseness that had been present in his body for days. After a few minutes he set about washing his hair and body and then, reluctantly, switched off the water whilst grabbing for a fluffy white towel which he wrapped loosely around his waist then plucking another from the shelf and using it to rub at his hair he made his way out of the bathroom and along the short corridor.

He paused outside his room and took a deep breath before pushing open the door. He hadn’t been in the room yet, instead sleeping in Lola’s room and using clothes that had been in the laundry. He knew it was irrational, but just the thought of being in the room where he and Belle last spent the night together…it killed him. Slowly he let his feet carry him over the threshold, pushing the door closed behind him. An audible gasp left his lips as his eyes fell onto their bed. Belle’s pyjama’s lay in a twisted heap atop of the sheets which were still tangled and unmade, due to their dash out of the house to the hospital days before.

Before he even knew what he was doing Aden had reached out a hand and grasped the black vest top, burying his face into it as his legs buckled beneath him, sending him crashing to the floor. Without the want to move, he lay where he fell and cried as though he would never stop, his agony at losing his wife more real and profound at that moment than it had ever been.

*******

Amanda was entirely focused on the baby in her arms when the front door was pushed open.

“Who’s car is…oh! What the hell are….where’s Aden?” Nicole demanded to know.

“He’s upstairs.” Amanda replied.

“Does he know you are here? That you have Lola?” As she asked Nicole reached out her hands in order to lift the baby from Amanda’s arms.

Amanda moved back and tightened her hold on the new-born.

“Yes he knows I’m here and of course he knows I have Lola. Aden and I have talked about what happened the other night and have….cleared the air.”

“Right…” Nicole nodded, clearly uncertain as to what to do next. She was spared having to continue when a loud thump reverberated from above. “Aden!” she cried out and hurried up the stairs.

She paused when she reached his room and could clearly hear the sobbing from within.

“Aden?” She tapped gently on the door as she called his name but there was no response. “Aden it’s me….Can I come in?”

She waited a few more moments but when he still didn’t respond she took matters into her own hands and pushed open the door.

“Oh Aden!” Nicole gasped as she found him curled in a ball on the floor, tears streaming down his face. “Shhh it’s ok.” She soothed as she crouched down next to him and tried to pull him into her arms.

“No it’s not ok!” He whispered through his sobs. “It’s not ok!” He repeated this time his voice gaining more strength. “She’s gone…my….my Belle is gone and I…I don’t know what to do Nic! What do I do?”

“You don’t have to do anything Aden, just look after yourself and Lola yeah?”

“I’m trying but…..god it’s so hard! She should have her mommy here, she deserves more than this, than…..”

“Aden, she is so lucky to have you, you’ve got to know that. You are an amazing fath….daddy…you are an amazing daddy!

“Why change what you were saying?” Aden asked as he sat up, wiping his tears as he looked at Nicole, confusion clear on his face. “You were going to say father, why change your mind?”

“Because any man can be a father but it takes somebody special to be a daddy and that.”

“I want to be. I want her to be able to be proud to have me as her daddy but without Belle…….I’m not me without her Nic. I don’t know who I am.”

“I can understand that.” Nicole replied. “Belle was such a big part of who you are. You still have part of her though, in Lola. She’s already just like her mommy; she’s got you wrapped around her little finger already. How about, for now, you just concentrate on being a daddy and the rest….well the rest will come with time.”

“I hope so.” Aden whispered in reply.

*******

Irene stood at the front of the church addressing the congregation, she had tears streaming down her cheeks and judging from the sniffles he could hear Aden guessed she wasn’t the only one. He couldn’t check if he was right though, or look around to find the source of the noise as he was finding it impossible to tear his eyes away from the coffin that was resting just in front of where Irene stood.

He had no idea what she was saying; the words were just floating over him as he lost himself in his own thoughts and memories. He knew that the time would soon be upon them for him to stand up and….and what? Talk about Belle? Tell everybody there how much he loved her? Missed her? He had no idea, even at this late stage, what he was going to say. How he was going to find the words. Lola shifted in his arms, distracting him and moving his gaze from the flower adorned coffin to her. She appeared to be asleep although her arms started to wave around and her tiny face wrinkled in distress.

“Shhhh angel, it’s alright, I’m right here.” Aden whispered into her ear, holding her tighter to his chest than he already was. “Daddy’s got you, shhhhhh.”

His words soothed her instantly before the tears had even a chance to appear.

“That’s it baby, good girl.”

His attention taken with comforting the baby girl he hadn’t noticed that Irene had stopped talking and that she was now standing in front of him.

“Shall I….? Irene held her arms out towards Lola in order to lift her from him.

“Yeah…er…..yeah, thanks.” He dropped a kiss onto his baby girls head then with a deep breath walked forwards to the front of the church.

He paused for a moment next to the coffin and ran his fingers gently over the edge of it. Taking another steadying breath he continued forwards and when he reached the lectern turned to face the friends and family that had gathered to say goodbye to Belle.

His breath caught in his throat as he realised just how many people there were packed into the small church. All of the seats had been taken and there were people standing at the back. Most of the faces he recognised, but there were one or two that were unfamiliar to him, work colleagues he guessed.

“I er…” he paused to clear his throat and take another calming breath. “I have no idea what I’m supposed to say here. I’m pretty sure there aren’t the words to describe what I’m feeling right now. It just….it sucks. It sucks that our baby girl will never….. will never know…” he had to pause to compose himself as his voice broke. “Sorry….. Lola will never get to meet Belle but I will tell her every single day how amazing her mommy was. How much Belle loved her, and was looking forward to meeting her. She was amazing…..the most beautiful person, inside and out, that I ever met and I am privileged to have been able to call her my wife…I just wish it could have been for longer. We had so many plans and it hurts so much to think about waking up every day without her in my arms. I have to do it though, I will make her proud and I will make sure that I love our beautiful daughter enough for the both of us.” He ran his hand through his hair as he moved the few steps towards the coffin and placed his fingers to his lips and then touched them to the picture of Belle that had been placed on the top “I love you Belle.” He whispered “I’ll always love you. Goodnight sweetheart.”

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