Quick Fanfiction Contest Archive

[pembie]

Entry One - Trapped in school

I thought this entry had a good idea behind it. I felt though it was quite short and I found I wanted to know more like how Casey and Sasha would have coped in each other's company over night. having just broken up. I guess the one person you wouldn't like to get trapped with is your ex that would be very awkward.

The story was very good just left me wanting more.... Maybe that is what the writer wanted to put across

Well Done

Entry Two - One Thing in Common

I loved the tense feel right from the start of this one. Having the danger of a cyclone really gripped me because I wasn't too sure if things would be alright or not so that was awesome.

Having Ruby and Indi trapped together in each other's company with no means of espace was soooo good. I loved how Romeo had sent Indi about ten texts and yet none to Ruby. Because it slowly made Ruby realise that Romeo's love lies with Indi. Having said that I don't find myself really caring about the storyline on the show. But I found myself cheering for Indi and Romeo in this story. I did feel quite sorry for Ruby at the end though.

Well Done.

Entry Three - Stuck with You

Oh man Dexter and April trapped in a lift together. Well it gave them some much needed time to chat about how they both feel about each other. I liked how April admitted she had made a mistake getting with Heath, and how Dexter told her he was still mad about her. I did feel sorry for Lottie in this though, I was abit disappointed that Dex and April kissed at the end. I'm sorry for saying that. I just think they should of agreed to be friends or something.

I enjoyed the story.

Ok so all stories were very good and well done to the writers you have all done awesome but my vote goes to Entry 2

[Red Ranger 1]

Entry #1:Trapped in school

I think the best thing about this story was the byplay between the two characters, which felt very natural, and also the insight into Sasha’s thoughts, which felt very much in character.The cutaway to Sid and Dexter was well written and made me smile, although perhaps not entirely necessary.I did find the ending a bit abrupt, I think the revelation Sasha and Casey had just split up was meant to be a twist but it didn’t really build up to it well.But the characterisation was excellent.

Entry #2:One Thing in Common

The set-up to this, of Ruby and Indi being trapped in the Diner together and having to deal with a few unresolved issues, was an inspired idea and the intrusiveness of Romeo’s constant text messages worked well.I have to say though, I think the story could have gone further, I was a bit disappointed the SES turned up so soon because it felt like Ruby and Indi should have a lot more to say to each other.I suspected Indi was pregnant so the twist wasn’t the shock it could have been but it was a good idea.

Entry #3:Stuck With You

I thought the characterisation here was good, Dexter doing mundane things like handing out chewing gum and April babbling her concerns.The discussion of the issues between them worked well too and gave a much needed airing to a few issues.But the end…I admit I don’t see Dexter and April the same way the show and some of the fans seem to, so I’m probably less likely to be won over than most people, but I did find the kiss rather forced and slightly at odds with the way the conversation had gone.But the writer clearly has a good grasp of the characters.

I’m sorry if I’ve come across as a bit critical because I think everyone who’s brave enough to write something for these contests deserves a pat on the back.But I’m required to select my favourite so I’m voting for Entry #1.

[soph1303]

Entry 1 - I liked the idea behind this one, but I felt that it ended quite quickly. The ending did seem quite abrupt, but the build up throughout the story was great.

Entry 2 - so glad that somebody used this idea (I was half contemplating entering a ruby/indi one myself, but time got away from me). I really liked this one from the start, but I guessed the pregnancy thing quite early on so it wasn't a huge surprise at the end. That being said, I did really enjoy this entry, and would have maybe liked to see some more Ruby/Indi cooperation/bonding.

Entry 3 - I loved the writing style of this entry! The plot did seem a little lacking at times, and the characters didn't seem go be in an awful rush to free themselves, but I'm not sure if it was supposed to be intentional or not. However the characterization, particularly dex's was very well done.

In casting my vote, I found that each entry was superior in it's own aspect: the characterization in entry 1, the plot of entry 2, and the writing style of entry 3. So my vote goes to entry 3

[Zetti]

Entry One: I liked it, it was straight to the point and in some stories that is a good thing but for this one it felt really rushed, it would have worked better if it had not been so rushed but it was well written, and the plotline was very good.

Entry Two: I like this one, it was very well thought out, true to their characters which made it more real and in my opinion much better to read. It had a good flow and I really enjoyed reading it. I could picture it happening in my head and IMO that constitutes a very good story and credit to the author, I am not a Indi fan but I loved that story and felt myself sympathising with her.

Entry Three: The idea was good and executed well but it went from banter to a kiss a little bit too quickly, personally it seemed like April had a personality transplant but I liked the way Dex was written. He is a hard character to characterise efficiently so I really did enjoy it, despite some flaws in the storytelling which is not a bad thing, it shows you where you can improve next time

Taking all the entries into consideration, I find myself stuck to choose between #2 & #3 but in the end my vote goes to #2

Again well done everyone

[Jen]

Just a reminder that voting closes tonight. So if anyone would like to read and leave a brief comment that would be much appreciated. Thanks to those who have already done so .

EDIT: Voting closed. Results to be posted in the other thread.

[QUIET ACHIEVER]

Quick Fanfiction Contest #32

Theme:

Trapped

• 1st Place: One Thing in Common written by matticus01

• 2nd Place: Trapped in School written by Beezzz & Stuck With You written by ScreamingQueen2006

Congratulations to all the entrants and thanks to all the voters. It was great to see some detailed constructive criticism, which I'm sure the authors appreciate as well as every entry receiving at least one vote .

[matticus01]

Quick Fan Fiction Contest #33

Theme: Love and Hate

Your story must be based around either being in love with someone, or totally hating them, it can be an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, a family member, a friend, ex friends... what ever your storyline must involve one or the other, or both if you wish.

Word limit: Up to 6000 words

Entry One

If only.....

I personally think I have the best seat in class; I sit right behind Casey Braxton! I mean seriously even the back of his head is cute; the worst thing is he is kinda distracting. So here we are in class science I think and as usual I’m imaging what mine and Casey’s babies would look like, when Miss Scott calls out my name.

“Sasha, Sasha, Miss Bezmel!” I look up with a start.

“Yes Miss Scott?” I ask innocently. I really hope it’s an easy question!

“How do you say how are you in French?” Well it looks like we aren’t science.

“Uh…. I’m sorry Miss I have no idea…” I say quietly. Miss Scott nods her head.

“Thought so, well you’ll just have to join Mr Braxton today after school in detention.” I can’t help but smile, a whole afternoon with Casey! Casey turns around to look at me.

“Sounds like a date aye Bezmel!” I snigger and try to think of a clever comeback for it.

“Then you woke up!” Casey laughs his cute little laugh and turns to face the front.

“Good one Sash…” I can’t help but blush a little but, hopefully detention will go well… I can’t believe I just thought that!

****

“Right you have two hours of detention each, you are to stay reasonably quiet I don’t expect silence but I don’t want anything too loud, I’ll be in the staff room” Miss Scott leaves the room. There was just silence for the first five minutes then Casey spoke.

“Hey! I was wondering did you get detention just to spend time with me?” I crack up laughing. A fake laugh of course.

“Yeah right! And the queen doesn’t exist!” Casey smirks.

“Righto then! Well I guess we better get started on that homework of ours.” Casey pulls out his dark blue folder that has his homework in it; it looks like he has just shoved his work sheets in and has cared. When I pull out my bright pink folder where I have carefully placed the sheets in making sure they don’t crinkle. I build up enough courage to ask Casey to work together.

“Hey Case, do you want to work together?” Casey turns around and shrugs.

“If you want…” Casey says pointing to the seat next to him. I slowly walk over to the seat and sit down.

“Did you get question number 6?” I ask Casey. Who tries to straighten out a crinkle to be able to read it.

“Uh… Yeah! It’s 2500 cm3” I nod.

“Thanks…” Casey and I both reach for the rubber when we get there our hands touch. Casey looks into my eyes, suddenly the world seems to slow down and for a moment I thought we were going to kiss but then Casey turns away.

“Uh…Um what question number 12?” I feel disappointed something could’ve happened!

“It’s 5423km2”

****

Three hours fly by. Miss Scott walks in and addresses us.

“You two can go now, please don’t make me drag you back again.” I gather up my things and start to leave. Then I hear Casey calling out.

“Sash! Wait!” I slow down and wait for Casey. Before I know it Casey is right beside me.

“I was wondering…Do want to grab some dinner or something?” My heart starts racing this is what I’ve been waiting for… but I can’t help but think that there is a catch.

“Why would you want to have dinner with me?” I ask nervously with my heart still racing. Casey grabs my hands and folds his fingers around mine.

“Sash… Ever since I met you… I’ve wanted to just grab you and kiss you… I guess wh-“I cut Casey off.

“Who’s stopping you now?” I ask stepping closer. Casey smiles and pulls me in and before I know it his lips are on mine.

“Now! How about that dinner?” Casey laughs. He and I walk out of the school grounds hand in hand.

Entry Two

love is not a victory march

I've seen your flag on the marble arch

Love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

August 28, 2008 6:24 pm

“We can sit here for as long as this takes.”

Silence.

“We are trying to help you here.”

More silence.

“Do you want to go to jail, is that it?”

A shrug.

“So, you don’t care about going to jail?”

Nothing.

“You’re eighteen. You had -- have your whole life ahead of you.”

“No, I don’t.”

It’s barely a whisper; this hoarse, remnant of a voice once strong, but it’s been worn down, exhausted, ripped out and trodden on, and Constable Fitzgerald watches as the resolve of the boy in front of her crumbles.

“Why don’t we start from the beginning?”

August 27, 2008 5:15 pm

The tin garage reeks of wet cloths and dampness as Aden slams the door shut, pushing the bolt in place. He blocks out the moan coming from his father in the corner and the high-pitched begging of Rachel and focuses on the job at hand.

It needs to end. If he dies then it will all end. Rachel can go and Larry will be gone, and it will be over.

The situation isn't ideal, with Rachel now involved and Larry not declining rapidly enough for Aden's liking, but Aden has had fifteen years of waiting, so what's a few more hours?

He won't do anything, not yet. He'll see how Larry likes it when Aden could do something to help, to end his suffering, but won't.

It'll be payback in the most cruel way.

August 28, 2008 11:08 pm

Aden blinks at the styrofoam cup that's been placed on the table in front of him. With as much effort as he can manage he drags his forehead off the wooden table top enough to take in the outline of the officer standing nearby; the one who brought him the coffee.

"You look like you could use it," Fitzgerald says.

Aden tries to acknowledge the unnecessary gesture, but a smile seems foreign, something he's incapable of doing. He manages somewhat of a grimace.

"I wish I could tell you how long it was going to be," she offers, "but it's late and basically everyone has gone home. It could be tomorrow before we get a solicitor."

It should be harder than this. This moment -- these minutes, hours, stretching into days -- should be more than gladly accepting your fate.

Aden always thought he would put up a fight -- that he would stop at nothing to free himself -- that he would plough through the pain and the hurt to come out the other side. But now he wonders if he has any more fight left in him.

Because spending your life hating another person; it’s exhausting.

Aden doesn't say anything, just puts the cup to his lips and takes a sip.

August 28, 2008 2:59 pm

"Why are you doing this?" Her voice wavers, and even though Aden refuses to look at her, he can tell that she's crying.

Belle was not supposed to be here. This was not part of the plan; because Belle is the only person who knows him, knows why he has to do this.

"You know why," Aden grits out, wringing his hands and trying to keep them in check. He keeps telling himself not to act out, not do anything rash, not succumb to the gnawing in his stomach or the voice inside his head that tells him how the story ends, how it all plays out.

"I know what he did to you was h-horrible ... really horrible, but doing this," Belle's voice is now barely more than a whisper, "killing him isn't going to fix things."

Aden shakes his head ferociously, barely stops himself from grabbing at his ears to block her voice out, but she ignores his obvious distress. "You're thinking about taking someone's life, Aden, do you understand that?"

Aden is pacing up and down the small area of the shed. One, two, three, turn. One, two, three, turn. One, two, thr--

"Aden!"

Belle is right behind him, her hands surprisingly strong as she grabs his shoulders and physically turns him around so he's facing her. She's so close and he remembers a time when he would lean over and kiss her, but her cheeks are glistening with tears and her eyes are boring into him and Aden wants to look away.

But he can't.

He can't because the only thing he knows how to do is block out feelings; to erect walls and compartmentalize and only deal with the things he has control over. Belle has always been spontaneous and surprising, the polar opposite to what he normally does, and for that reason he's grateful to have her, but not now.

Now she's ruining things. She begging him to stop and think, like hasn't already.

Aden has done enough thinking -- in this tin shed with the rain now pouring outside, hitting the roof like a hammer on a nail; in his bedroom, late at night, with his pants discarded carelessly on the floor and his mattress still warm and sick with sweat -- and he's tired of thinking and planning, because Belle has tossed all of those things aside.

Aden needs to act, and now.

He knows what he needs to do.

August 28, 2008 7:39 pm

“So, Belle turned up and she tried to talk you out of it,” Fitzgerald surmises.

Aden nods.

"Why didn't you?" Aden clasps his hands carefully on the table, sitting up in his chair, pointedly staring at a mark on the wall just over Fitzgerald's left shoulder. Fitzgerald tries to restrain her sigh, repeats her question. "When Belle tried to talk you out of hurting your father why didn't you listen to her?"

"He's not my father."

"I'm sorry?"

"He's not my father," Aden repeats."Because a father wouldn't allow this to happen. He wouldn't let my grandfather come into my room, come into my bed and -- a father is supposed to protect his son. He's supposed to want to keep him safe and look out for him, not tell me to stop making things up when I tried to tell him what was happening.”

If Aden's sudden confession surprises Constable Fitzgerald she quickly masks her shock.

"He would work and get drunk and pass out on the living room floor. What eight year old boy is supposed to deal with that sort of stuff?" Aden demands, his voice echoing around the concrete room. "Larry Jefferies stopped being my father when he knew what was going on and did nothing to stop it! He did nothing! And he knew! He knew what it felt like, because it happened to him too! What sort of father does that?!"

Aden's head is beginning to pound; every one of his nerves seems to be on edge, pulsing through his brain, surging down his neck, his arms, to the end of his fingers. He bundles them into fists and slams them down onto the wooden table; it's better than punching a hole in one of the walls.

The fury inside him is barely containable, actually palpable as he takes ragged breaths and tries to reign himself in, because Aden has become very good at maintaining focus, of always being in control. But he feels something in his chest, down to the very pit of his stomach, his muscles constructing like a snake coiling itself tighter and squeezing, demanding to be felt until Aden can put a name to it.

He hates him.

Aden hates him.

For what he did, what he didn't do, and what he allowed to happen.

And if anyone asks him if he regrets is actions he will be able to say, "no", because he's done. He's just ... done.

With pretending they were a family, and hoping things would change; or that he could do something to forget what had happened, to put it in the past and move forward. But everything seems to remind him of it. These jolting moments of realization that strike him like lightning and make him want to yell and scream and lash out until the pain is able to stop.

So he did what he had to do, what he needed, for that pain to stop.

And for a moment it did.

August 28, 2008 3:27 pm

It’s a flash of white, burning like fire; the fury coursing through him, making his hand grip the syringe, so tight it’s actually shaking in his grasp. His muscles strain against Belle, who’s pulling at his shirt, grappling with his shoulder, trying to tug him back. He hears Rachel saying something about not wanting to ruin his life over this, that Larry will get punished, but Aden just feels his anger build. His whole chest feels tight, each breath he sucks in rattles around inside his rib cage, sending shivers down his frame as he positions his thumb over the end of the syringe, poises himself up on his knees above Larry’s withering body and watches as Larry sluggishly blinks open his eyes.

They are familiar to him, a mixed of brown and green, and Aden remembers those eyes. The ones that used to creep into his room after dark, that used to hover over him behind locked doors, and that seemed to absorb the little moonlight that leeched through the blinds on his bedroom window.

Those eyes used to smirk at him conspiratorially; tell him that only little kids were dobbers, that what they were doing wasn’t wrong, that it was what grownups did. That it could be their little secret.

But it wasn’t a secret. It could never be just between the two of them, because there was a third. There was someone else who knew all about it, knew what was happening, knew how it felt, and they did nothing to stop it.

The noise seems to disappear, everything dissolving around him as Aden focuses on Larry, and only Larry; the one who he used to believe was his father. The blood has soaked through the bandage attempting to cover his head wound, the meager light of the shed does nothing but illuminate the yellow hue of his skin, and he’s nothing but a shadow of the man Aden once knew -- once looked up to, respected, loved -- but now, with Larry unblinkingly watching him, their eyes locked, Aden feels nothing but pity for him.

The anger has dissipated, the blind hate he felt towards him has vanished and been replaced by sadness, an overwhelming sense of peace as the point of the needle slips under skin and the liquid flows from the syringe and into the vein.

August 29, 2008 12:11 am

"Do you think I'm a bad person? Do you think I'm a bad person for doing it?"

Lara Fitzgerald knows it's against protocol, but she already bucked the system tonight by not throwing Aden in a cell as soon as he was brought in, after his own girlfriend called them, and bringing him coffee and offering him a sandwich after the first hour when she knew they wouldn't be able to get any legal help until the morning; so she slides into the chair opposite Aden and carefully chooses her words.

"I don't think you're a bad person. You were scared and angry and fighting against something that you never should have had to endure."

"Am I going to jail?"

It's the defeat in his tone that does it. That seeps through the tiny crack in her resolve, and she can't lie to him. She can't be the hard-hearted officer she's being paid to be. She leans forward slightly, hopes he can tell that she's telling the truth when she says.

"I don't know."

Silence engulfs them both but for the slight chatter outside the interview room, the changeover of shifts, and when Aden speaks again it’s slightly startling.

"I need to see Belle."

August 29, 2008 8:56 am

As soon as she walks into the interview room Aden feels the weight lifted, feels lighter than before, and feels the warmth of the sun that's now breaking through the single window, where he was only cold before.

And when he starts talking it all comes out in a rush.

"Belle. I've been asking for you. I knew that if I saw you it would be okay, because you understand. You understand, right? You know why I did it, because you know what he did and I had to do it, Belle. I had to because if I didn't then it would always feel like he had this over me, you know? It would be like I let him win because he would just keep on living while I had to force myself out of bed every morning.

“But I don't care about going to jail, as long as you understand why I did it."

Belle is just standing there, unshed tears in her brown eyes and Aden barely manages a hoarse whisper as he begs, "Belle. Belle, please say something."

He reaches out, goes to take a step towards her and Belle visibly flinches, and Aden stops, let's his hand drop to his side.

"You think I would hurt you? Belle, I would never --"

"I know why you did it." Belle's voice cuts through him, leaves him speechless. "But I will never understand. And I don't know if I ever will.”

“Belle, I-”

“I’m sorry,” Belle whispers and she turns, leaving Aden standing all alone, as he hears the door close with a final click.

Voting will Close Fri 28th September @ 8.00 pm EAST

[pembie]

Entry One

If only..

I liked how the writer built Sasha's feelings of excitement of getting with Casey across. And how spending the afternoon in detention with Casey was the highlight for her..If not the best ever detention Sasha probalay has ever had. I liked how Casey told her he felt the same in the end that was a cute moment.

Really Well Done you have done a very good job with this story.

Entry Two

love is not a victory march

This story was very tense and I don't know if I can put into words how incrediblely well written I felt it was. The feelings and emotions of Aden, and everything he has been through in the past really came across. But I have to say I kind of guessed that Aden would end up killing Larry. But even so I enjoyed all the tenison reading up to it.

Was sad at the end where Belle came to see him though.

So which will I vote for? I really liked both and a great effort has gone into them both but....

I'm voting for Entry 2

[Red Ranger 1]

Entry One

This was a nice light story with a good storyline and I liked the interaction between Sasha and Casey.I found it a bit on the short side and the story was perhaps too linear, getting to the point of them getting together a bit too quickly and easily, but I found it an enjoyable read.

Entry Two

When I started reading this one, I was impressed with the grasp of the characters and the way it brought Aden’s feelings of hatred towards this father into sharp focus but was expecting it to go down the same route as the show.I think it was when Aden told Lara about his abuse that I began to realise it was telling its own story and wondered how it would end but I was still shocked that it didn’t dodge away and had Aden go ahead with killing his father.A brave move.

Congratulations to both writers but my vote goes to Entry Two.

[matticus01]

Just over a week to go guys