Quick Fanfiction Contest Archive

[meant2live]

Reviewing over!

[meant2live]

Well Done Marigoldly!

[TelephotoMarigold]

Hello

You have two entries to judge for this contest.... and TWO WEEKS to do it... So I expect lots of feedback for our wonderful writers....

Judging Closes on 6th Mar and the winner will be announced on the 7th Mar....

Love Tele

xx

ENTRY 1

“Well, well if it isn’t miss perfect” Trey snarled from behind Nicole

“What the hell are you doing here?” Nicole shot back

“Just came for a visit, I was hoping to see you” He smiled, with a hint of a evil glare

“Well you can get lost, I don’t want to see you Trey” Nicole spat

“Are you still upset about the little movie?” Trey laughed

“Trey get a life! Why are you back here? No one wants you here! Just go!” Nic yelled

“Oh some ones getting feisty!”

“Trey I swear to god if you don’t leave, you’ll leave in an ambulance you stupid little boy!”

“Oh little boy? Is that right?”

“Its very right, I remember that night Trey, It’s pretty laughable”

“You remember it do you? Is that some sort of regret for letting me go? Because you really love me?”

“Get over yourself” Nic laughed “I was over you the minute we met”

“I can see you want me Nic, just say it and I’m yours!” Trey grinned

“Sorry but I’m taken” Nic grinned herself “And why would I want to be anywhere near you anyway? This is already killing me!”

“Taken? Ha-ha by who?” Trey mocked

“By none of your business”

“I doubt it will last” Trey barked

Nicole held up her left hand and showed of the sparkling ring on her finger “I think it will, The wedding’s tomorrow, sorry your invite must have gotten lost in the post” She spat and walked off.

She walked quickly home hoping he wouldn’t follow her, and he didn’t to her relief, she flung open the door and threw herself onto the couch a sighed with relief of a soft seat, she had worn herself out, she laughed at herself and took a mental note that she needed to get fitter.

Back down on the beach Trey snarled to himself and sat down in the sand, “Married eh? To who, I bet it’s Geoff, I knew they weren’t over each other, and he’d be the only one stupid enough to make her his bride! Well I have a plan, she doesn’t deserve happiness, she destroyed mine, I lost everything because of her! She doesn’t deserve anything!” he almost yelled but controlled himself, reminding himself he was alone on the beach and he probably looked like a weirdo, but he didn’t care. Revenge would be sweet he thought.

“Are you ready?” An excited Annie asked, waking Nicole up from her sleep

“What time is it?” She moaned

“Five” Annie grinned

“Oh my god! Are you serious? Annie, the weddings at 12!”

“I know, but you need to get ready, I’ll be ready if you get me up at 9!”

“Fine you bore!” Annie frowned and left Nicole to sleep again.

Nicole turned over and closed her eyes again, But she couldn’t get to sleep, suddenly all the worries in the world crept into her mind, What if the dress was ruined? Or the minister couldn’t make it, or what if the groom got cold feet? Or it rained, or she gulped Trey showed his face, I couldn’t handle that she thought, yeah he was just a stupid deluded boy, but this was her special day, she wanted it to be perfect.

She lay for another hour or so, nit sleeping just laying with her eyes closed trying to get back to sleep, but everything kept running through her mind, “Annie!” She called “Change of plan” she jumped out of bed and threw on her robe.

“Okay, so you want to get ready now?” Annie asked slightly excited, Nicole nodded and Annie jumped up and down for a few seconds before calming herself and getting started.

She had set up down stairs like a beauty shop, on table for hair, one for make up, one for nails and one for other stuff. “Do you want to have a shower first?” Nicole nodded and Annie pushed her into the shower.

She shuffled into the kitchen and began to prepare breakfast, Fruit and tea, just a little something to keep them going. “Ruby, are you up? Were getting ready now” Annie called up the stairs

“6am! 6am!” Ruby groaned groggily as she walked down the stairs “How are you so cheerful?”

“I love weddings” Annie shrugged “Right, you need a shower, use the upstairs one, Nic’s in the other one”

“Ughh, your to cheerful, it’s sickening” Annie laughed at Ruby’s comment as Ruby disappeared slowly up the stairs

One hour later and the girls had all had their shower and were eating breakfast, “It’s 7, when do you want to start getting ready?”

“When Leah and the others get here I guess” Nicole smiled

“Are you excited?”

“Totally! It doesn’t feel real!” Nicole smiled, but the worries were still eating away at her “Everything will be perfect right?”

“Of course it will” Ruby smiled “You two are meant for each other”

Nicole smiled, reassuring herself that the day would run smoothly. An hour or so later Leah, Charlie, Martha and Irene arrived, they started with the hair and make up, each woman having their role to do, Nicole was being made up from every direction, Ruby doing her hair, Leah doing her makeup, Martha doing her finger nails and Annie doing her toes, she felt so weird to have so many people working on her at once, Irene was smoothing out the dress and setting everything out ready for Nic just to get changed. Once everything was done and Nic was in her dress and ready to go it was 11:30. “It’s a good job I got up early” Nic laughed

“Told ya!” Annie Giggled

The wedding ceremony began, Nicole still felt worried that something would go wrong, they came to the vows and her worried were set right, “So this is who’s marrying you? Ha!” Trey snarled

“Trey clear off! You’re not wanted here!” Nicole yelled, keeping her tears inside, biting her lip to stop them escaping

“What’s he doing here?” Aden asked

“Trying to ruin my life” Nicole said sadly, letting one tear escape, but quickly wiping it, not wanting anyone to see her upset.

“I was just curious as to who would ever want to marry that” Trey spat

“Back of mate” Geoff pushed at Trey sending him back down the beach “Just leave”

“I just want you to know what she’s really like, she’s a nothing but a skank”

“Trey! Go before I make you!” Geoff shouted

“Go for it hard man!” Before Trey could say anything else a strong punch from Geoff’s right hand sent him flying back, He looked up and left without another word.

“Thank you” Nicole smiled at Geoff who nodded and sat back in his seat

“Lets try again, Do you Aden Jefferies take Nicole Franklin to be your lawful wedded wife?”

“I do” Aden smiled “I really do” He winked

“And do you Nicole Franklin take Aden Jefferies to be your lawful wedded husband?”

“I do” Nicole smiled and let tears fall from her eyes, happy tears

“Then I pronounce you man and wife, you may now kiss the bride” The minister said and Aden put on hand on each of Nicole’s cheeks and kissed her softly

“I love you” Aden grinned “Mrs Jefferies”

ENTRY 2

Fairy tale weddings

Little girls dream about this day.

The beautiful white dress. The flowers. The music. And of course the prince. The handsome prince, straight out of a fairy tale. The dream fades over time. Little girls after all grow up. They grow up and move on. Fairy tales are forgotten, magic becomes unreal. But the dream of that beautiful white wedding and the handsome prince stay, somewhere in the back of their minds. And maybe someday, they can make the dream into reality. Maybe.

The reality – after so many years – is in the end nothing like the dream. In the dream – the one all little girls dream – everything always goes perfectly. Nothing goes wrong. But this is not a dream. This is life. Most importantly this is Summer Bay. And Matilda lived in this town long enough to know that she has no change for a perfect wedding. After all everytime there was a wedding or an event in Summer Bay there was always one sentence going around in her head. Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

And here she is now. Three years after they left. Ric had wanted to get married in Summer Bay. And Matilda has to admit it seemed like a good idea at the time. A beautiful beach wedding. She recalls a time when she first moved to the bay, and she told her mom that a wedding on the beach was awful. It seems like another time now. Another life. Tears jump in her eyes. No wedding is ever perfect. And hers lacks in so many thing she dreamt of as a child.

The dream is consistent. White dress. Handsome prince. Flowers. And parents. She always dreamt of her father walking her down the aisle and her mother crying in the first row. But her father is dead. Has been dead for many years now. But what perhaps hurts Matilda the most on this day, is that her mother won’t see her get married. She hopes that somehow her mother is looking down upon her, and is proud of her. She really hopes so.

And then there are of course the other things. Scott and Hayley didn’t make it back from Paris. Their plane got delayed, so they won’t be here until tomorrow. Robbie – thank god- and Tasha and Ellla did make it. Cassie is to be her brides maid. Henry will walk her down the aisle. She’s ready to get married. She has Ric, and somehow she hopes that that is all she needs on this day. But of course this is Summer Bay.

Everything seems to be there. There’s a girl in a white dress waiting to get married. There’s music. It’s a beautiful day out. There are flowers and brides maids. There’s just on thing missing. And it’s rather important.

The groom.

****

He was going to kill Henry. And Adan. An quite possibly his grandfather as well.

Along with whoever it was that thought of this idea. Celebrate out of town. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It really had seemed like a good idea. Just as long as they got back in time for his wedding. Ric sits down at the side of the road and hides his head in his arms. He’s getting married in 30 minutes. And they are god knows where.

They could have made it back in time. They should have made it back in time. If it were not for the two idiots sitting beside him. First they had lost their cell phones – actually only he had lost his cell phone, Adan had deposited his in a glass of champagne, Henry had forgotten his at home – and as if that wasn’t enough they had then managed to lose the car. It had taken them almost the entire night to find the damn car again. And after all of that they could have still made it back on time.

But the tux was missing. In the end this shouldn’t have been such a bad thing, Ric can’t even really remember why it is they even brought the tux here, but it shouldn’t have been so bad. They could have found another tux. They could have bought another tux. It shouldn’t have been so bad. Except for one detail. One detail Ric almost forget, and only remembered when they were already on their way back; the rings. He had the wedding rings. The damn rings that had cost him almost a year to safe up for – not to mention the loan from his granddad- were in the pocket of the tux. The one they were missing. So they had no other choice but to turn the car around, go back to every place they went last night, and hope they found it. Before they ran out of time.

And then the car ran out of gas. So now Ric, Henry and Adan are sitting at the side of the road. With no car, no cell phones, no tux. And most importantly no rings.

Matilda was going to kill him. That is if they ever got back.

****

Matilda was getting worried.

At first it didn’t seem so bad. But time kept going by, and they were still at the caravan park. Waiting. Just waiting. Nobody came. At first Matilda didn’t quit understand what was going on. Later she just grew impatient. And angry. Time just kept passing by. And Matilda felt like she was going to miss her own wedding. No the reality was nothing like the dream. Nothing at all.

She knew that the bride was supposed to be a bit late. But really this was pushing it.

She doesn’t know that they simply don’t know where Ric is, and they don’t have the heart to tell her.

****

Eight bars. Two strip clubs.

And it had only been two because Adan had gotten them kicked out of the first one. Ric prefers not to remember how exactly that happened. Eight bars. Two strip clubs. And they don’t find the damn tux. Ric is growing desperate. Henry already called Robbie to tell him they were having a bit of car trouble, and were going to be a little late. A little. Ric was sure he was going to miss his own wedding, and if he did Matilda would kill him. But first he would kill Henry and Adan.

The last club. They find the tux at the last place they look for it. Of course. Ric doesn’t care about the tux, though he must admit he’s grateful he doesn’t have to buy another one. He cares about the rings. Ric takes a deep breath to calm himself down. Alright. Now he has a tux. And the rings back. But he still doesn’t have a car, or a way to get back to Summer Bay. To get to his wedding.

He checks his watch. The wedding that started ten minutes ago. He was so dead.

***

Matilda smiles as Ric slips the ring on her finger.

Ric could finally breathe easy again. Sure he had arrived late to his own wedding – an hour late – but at least everyone thought they had just gotten car trouble. Nobody knew he had lost the rings. And god he hoped they never found out. He would never hear the end of it. Never. He hears the priest pronounce them man and wife, and he finally kisses Matilda. He thinks he might make it out alive. Maybe.

Matilda was right. She hadn’t had the wedding she dreamt of as a kid. She’s still not entirely sure why Ric was late. Or what exactly had happened. But she was sure to find out. If Ric wouldn’t tell her, she could just ask Henry. He always told her everything. Matilda thinks of the perfect wedding all little girls dream of, and wonders if anyone ever gets that perfect wedding.

She was right. The reality had been nothing like the dream. Nothing. It had been much better.

Because she got Ric. And in the end that’s all she really needed.

And they lived happily ever after.

[Jen]

Entry One

I like the idea behind this fic. The whole story that Trey comes back to wreck Nicole's wedding, but I feel like the actually execution of it could have been a bit more thorough.

“Well, well if it isn’t miss perfect” Trey snarled from behind Nicole

As an opening, it's short, it's sharp and it definitely caught my attention.

I felt like some of what Nicole was saying was slightly out of character. And while she might think of Trey as a "stupid little boy!” I can't imagine her saying it aloud. Specifically because I wasn't exactly sure about how much time has passed between the original incident and Trey returning/Nicole getting married. But the fiestiness was definitely there in Nicole, and the taunting from Trey did create the right sort of atmosphere and conflict, so you knew that it was important for later.

“I love weddings” Annie shrugged

Annie's enthusiasm was adorable and I can really see her getting Nicole wedding extremely early.

I like that Nicole had an inkling that something would go wrong, however I think it could have been built to a bigger climax. If a word limit was the problem and possibly prevented from there being more explanation, I would have been inclined to cut out some of the preparation/getting ready section, even though it was nice to read, and focus on the wedding and the way Nicole was feeling when Trey walked in.

“Back of mate” Geoff pushed at Trey sending him back down the beach “Just leave”

The ambiguity that was maintained about who Nicole was actually marrying was good. But again, I felt like there should have been more of an impact of Trey's arrival. I can see Geoff jumping to Nicole's defence. But I wasn't really sure why Trey was there. Was he just supposed to turn up and leer at her? Or did he actually want to stop the wedding altogether? It all seemed a little bit straight-foreward, that he said some mean things and then quietly left. Maybe he could have put up a bit more of a fight? Obviously, this is the author's story, but from a reader's point of view it did lack some sort of climax.

The resolution was quick and simple, and I like that Nicole got her happy ending after all.

Entry Two

I really like the start of this. The notion of the fairytale wedding. The fact that it is something every little girl dreams of is a great place to start. I also like that Matilda was somewhat cynical about how the day will turn out. Almost liek she expects something to go wrong, but is still holding onto the dream.

He was going to kill Henry. And Adan. An quite possibly his grandfather as well.

Oh, Ric, what have you done? The shift in perspective was a grat touch and I liked seeing things through Ric's eyes, especially his "it was a good idea at the time" attitude. But his increased franticness also came through as the story progressed, so that was good too.

She doesn’t know that they simply don’t know where Ric is, and they don’t have the heart to tell her.

Keeping Matilda in the dark was a good touch. I like the small paragraphs, almost like we're checking back in at the house to see how things are progressing. Then crossing back to Ric with a vivid recollection of the night before. I like that it was Aden who got them kicked out of the clubs, that seems just about right.

She was right. The reality had been nothing like the dream. Nothing. It had been much better.

Tieing everything back into the fairytale, linking it back to the opening paragraphs was great and it felt like a good, solid conclusion. Even though there wasn't a climax or conflict, it was enjoyable to read with the story being told from the two perspectives, and the focus being on the views of the characters, rather than one particular thing, but a string of incidences.

Overall my vote goes to Entry Two for the continuity of the story, while also the two points of view and completeness of it all in so few words. (Bonus points for inclusion of Henry.) Well done to Entry One as well, they were both great fun to read and I hope you get something from my comment.

[Red Ranger 1]

ENTRY 1

This one had some nice touches to it.The scenes of Nicole with Annie and Ruby getting ready for the wedding were very humourous and I could imagine Annie being all giddy while Ruby struggled to get up. The plotline of Trey coming back and wanting to get revenge was an interesting one and I liked the comment about him standing on the beach shouting like a weirdo.Nice that the identity of Nicole’s groom was kept a secret although I had a feeling it was Aden.The prose unfortunately felt a bit disjointed in places and the story didn’t quite flow as much as it should have done but it had a lot of good moments in it.

ENTRY 2

I loved this one and not just because it was about Ric and Matilda getting married.I like the way it was made up entirely of the thoughts of the two of them, it flowed well, Matilda’s fears mixed in with Ric’s panic, culminating in the bit at the end where Ric is determined to keep what really happened a secret and Matilda knows she’ll find out one day.There was a couple of sly references to the show’s cliches as well: Every wedding is a disaster and there’s always someone who misses their flight or has a cold.It ended on a nice note.

Well done to both of you but I’m casting my vote for ENTRY 2.

[Zetti]

2 very good entries.

Entry 1

She lay for another hour or so, nit sleeping just laying with her eyes closed trying to get back to sleep, but everything kept running through her mind, “Annie!” She called “Change of plan” she jumped out of bed and threw on her robe.

Nicole's enthuaism is displayed so perfectly and Annie's comment was just a perfect rendition of her in H&A itself. The idea of Trey turning up to ruin her wedding at first I thought it was Geoff who was going to be her new husband but then when it was revealed that it was Aden; I thought that it was executed well. I think maybe more description of how she felt and her thoughts would make it a bit better but it was a very good entry. Well Done.

Entry 2

The description of Matilda's thought were perfectly written. The odd adjective could have been different but the descriptions had the desired effect. My favourite one is

And here she is now. Three years after they left. Ric had wanted to get married in Summer Bay. And Matilda has to admit it seemed like a good idea at the time. A beautiful beach wedding. She recalls a time when she first moved to the bay, and she told her mom that a wedding on the beach was awful. It seems like another time now. Another life. Tears jump in her eyes. No wedding is ever perfect. And hers lacks in so many thing she dreamt of as a child.

A perfect reference to the loss of her mother somehow magically involving Beth in her wedding day knowing that it would be more complete.

I also love the comedy element to it when it is repeated several times that Ric wanted to kill Henry and Aden

My vote goes to Entry 2.

Well done to both writers.

[Georgia]

As everyone else has said, two very brilliant entries.

Entry One:

“Well, well if it isn’t miss perfect” Trey snarled from behind Nicole

I really like the start of this entry. It really caught my eye, and I wanted to know what would happen next. Annie's character was written really well with her excitement about the wedding. Nicole seemed a little bit out of character, but I liked the scene where she was getting ready.

Entry Two:

I love the opening paragraph, and the paragraph that Zetti quoted. It was a typical Summer Bay wedding, but that was what made it so perfect. I liked how you didn't just state what happened, you wrote it through thoughts.

My vote goes for Entry 2

[TelephotoMarigold]

And the winner is:

Entry 2 written by Pamy

Congratulations to Pamy.

And an honourable mention to our other entrant Tessalove.

Thanks also to Jen, RR1, Zetti and Georgia for voting and your comments

[pamy]

Hey, I was going to post this sooner but I got sort of sidetracked by college. Anyway I only had one entry. I'll leave it open for you to leave comments untill next thursday, the first of April.

A Pony For My Birthday

Ruby and Xavier are sitting at Leah’s kitchen table.

Ruby: “I want a pony!”

Xavier: “What seventeen year old has a pony at their birthday party?”

Ruby: “A cool one. You’re just jealous because you’ve never had a pony.”

Xavier: “That’s true. Brendan would love it though - he loves animals. What does Charlie think about all this? Or Leah? It’s her garden that’s going to get trampled and eaten.”

Ruby: “Charlie doesn’t care what I do as long as it’s legal, and Leah… well, we don’t have to have it at Leah’s house. Ooh what about the farm! There’s plenty of room for a pony there! You have to ask Martha!”

Xavier: “Why me?”

Ruby: “Because she might make me beg, and I shouldn’t have to beg on my birthday.”

Xavier: “It’s not your birthday for another three days.”

Ruby: “So what, I only get to feel special for one day? It can’t be a whole week?”

Xavier: “Fine, I’ll talk to Martha. But you owe me!”

Ruby squeals and lunges across the table to hug Xavier.

***

Xavier is tying the last of the party balloons to Martha’s verandah . Romeo and Brendan are helping to set up a petting zoo in the front yard. A Shetland pony is being walked around behind them. Ruby and Martha are watching from the verandah. Martha looks slightly concerned but Ruby is ecstatic.

Ruby: “Isn’t this great?”

Martha: “Are those rabbits?”

Ruby: “Yes! They’re so adorable!”

Martha: “Rabbits… on my farm… near my vegetables… that’s… really great… ”

Ruby: “They’re in a pen, Martha. Chill out!”

Martha: “When’s Charlie getting here?”

Ruby: “Not for a few hours. She said she wanted to give me some time alone with my friends before she and Angelo arrive. Cops tend to make teenagers nervous. Not that we’re doing anything to be nervous about, but you know.”

Martha watches tensely as Brendan takes one of the rabbits out of the pen to hold it.

Martha: “Yeah… Tell Charlie and Angelo to bring their guns. We might need them later.”

***

Ruby is greeting people at the door of Martha’s house as they arrive for the party.

Ruby: “Hi! Thanks for coming! There’s tapas and soft drink in the kitchen - help yourself.”

A pair of girls smile and wander in past Ruby. A boy from school comes to the door.

Ruby: “Hi! Thanks for coming! There’s tapas - ”

Boy: “Taps?”

Ruby: “Tapas. In the kitchen.”

Boy: “What about the kitchen taps?”

Ruby: “No, tapas. They’re a kind of hors d'oeuvre, which -”

The boy stares blankly at Ruby.

Ruby: “Hey, there’s food in the kitchen!”

Boy: “Oh, cool. Happy birthday.”

Ruby: “Yeah, thanks.”

***

Liam is on the lounge, staring at the TV. He can’t hear anything over the noise of people talking and laughing. Romeo walks in and slumps down beside him.

Romeo “Those animals are disgusting.”

Liam: “They’re teenagers. What do you expect?”

Romeo: “I meant the actual animals. You’d think the owners would give them a bath once in a while. My hands stink. I’ve washed them twice, and they still stink!”

Liam: “You need a beer.”

Romeo: “You know I don’t drink.”

Liam: “I know. I just needed another sober soul to pine with. Martha’s got a whole carton of beer stashed under her bed.”

The ‘taps’ boy is standing by the loungeroom wall with a can of soft drink, eavesdropping on their conversation.

Romeo: “And they call you an addict.”

Liam: “It’d be so easy to raid it. She hid it so the kids wouldn’t get to it, but I tell you what, they’re getting to me.”

There’s a shrill whinny from outside.

Romeo: “Ah, I’d better go check that out. Stay strong, my friend.”

Romeo slaps Liam’s knee and then leaves him to resume his staring.

***

Romeo walks out into the yard. Ruby is sitting on the Shetland pony - she only just fits comfortably on it’s back. Brendan is standing beside her, getting upset. Xavier is trying to calm him down. The pony’s handler is trying to be invisible.

Xavier: “Bandicoot, you’re being silly!”

Brendan: “Am not!”

Romeo: “Hey, Brendan, what’s up?”

Brendan: “Brendan wants to ride the pony!”

Xavier: “You’re too heavy, mate! I told you that! You’d break the poor thing’s back!”

Brendan: “Ruby’s too heavy!”

Ruby: “Am not!”

Romeo: “Listen, how about Ruby rides the pony and you lead him, huh?”

Romeo turns to the handler.

Romeo: “That’d be alright, wouldn’t it? If Brendan just walked the pony around the yard for a little bit?”

Handler: “Um, I’m not really supposed to…”

Xavier: “Please?”

Brendan: “Brendan wants to walk the pony!”

Handler: “Well… I guess, just for a little bit…”

Romeo: “Thank you!”

Romeo takes the pony’s lead from the handler and gives it to Brendan. Brendan grins happily and holds on tight to the rope. He gently strokes the pony’s face.

Brendan: “Hi pony.”

***

Romeo is washing his hands in the kitchen sink - again. The ‘taps’ boy is sitting at the table with a bottle of beer.

Boy: “Careful, there’s something wrong with the kitchen taps.”

Romeo turns of the tap off, which is working fine. He walks around the table to get a closer look at the boy and the bottle.

Romeo: “Where did you get that beer?”

The boy looks up groggily at Romeo. He grabs the bottle and hides it under table.

Boy: “What beer?”

Romeo rolls his eyes and goes to check Martha’s room.

***

Romeo finds the beer carton beside Martha’s bed, ripped open and empty.

Romeo: “Oh no…”

Martha: “What are you doing in my room?”

Romeo jumps and turns around.

Romeo: “Martha, jeez! I was just -”

Martha: “What happened to my beer?!”

Martha surveys the damage, horrified.

Martha: “Did you do this?!”

Romeo: “No! I swear! There was this drunk kid outside and Liam said you had beer in here earlier, so I thought… He must have overheard us. I’m really sorry, Martha.”

Charlie appears in the doorway behind Martha.

Charlie: “Martha!”

Martha jumps and turns around.

Martha: “Charlie, Jeez!”

Charlie: “I just walked into this party to find a sixteen year old boy throwing up in your kitchen sink!”

Charlie sees the shredded carton.

Charlie: “Well, I guess that explains it!”

Martha: “Charlie, I am so sorry! This was not supposed to happen! I didn’t know the little creeps would go into my room?”

Charlie: “Where’s Ruby?”

Romeo: “Last I saw her, she was outside with the pony.”

Charlie: “There’s a pony?”

***

Charlie rushes outside with Martha and Romeo. Angelo is on the verandah, directing party-goers to leave the premises.

Angelo: “Okay guys, party’s over. Go home.”

Romeo: “Isn’t this a little extreme for one carton of beer?”

Charlie: “You’d be surprised how many people start running when they get wind of a police raid. God only knows what these kids really have on them.”

Liam is drawn out of the house by the commotion.

Martha: “This isn’t an official raid though, right? I’m not going to get in trouble for this?”

Liam: “I am having very bad flashbacks right now.”

Charlie: “Don’t worry about it. Angelo, have you seen Ruby? Or a pony?”

Angelo: “A what?”

The pony’s handler strides towards the house to address Angelo.

Handler: “Are you a cop?”

Angelo: “Yes. Is there a problem?”

Handler: “That kid’s friends stole my pony!”

Romeo: “What do you mean stole?”

Handler: “When I asked that disabled boy to hand the lead over, he took off running with Clip-Clop and the other two followed him! I couldn’t keep up! This is what I get for being nice!”

Angelo: “Romeo, did you see any of this?”

Romeo: “No, I was dealing with the petting zoo. I think someone gave one of the piglets beer…”

Angelo: “Why is there a pony and a petting zoo at a seventeen year old’s birthday party anyway?”

Charlie: “Not now, Angelo. Miss, can you tell us which way they took the pony?”

Handler: “That way, into the bush. If anything happens to my Clip-Clop I will sue!”

Martha: “Oh, I’m sure it won’t come to that.”

Handler: “You better hope not!”

A shrill whinny from behind the tree-line draws everyone’s attention. Ruby and Xavier stagger out from the bushes, each with a hand on the pony’s halter. Brendan is skipping behind them, laughing mischievously.

Handler: “Clip-Clop!”

The handler runs to her pony. Ruby and Xavier hand it over to her without any resistance. They are both exhausted. There are minor scratches on their faces and arms, and Ruby has all manner of leaves and twigs in her hair. Brendan has a few scratches too but is much too pleased with himself to care. The pony is perfectly fine, if a little worn out. Ruby and Xavier walk up to the house, with Brendan still laughing behind them.

Charlie: “Ruby! Are you alright?!”

Ruby: “I shouldn’t have gotten a pony.”

The End

[Red Ranger 1]

Writing the story in script format was an interesting choice but I soon got used to it and got on with the tale. I thought all the characters were captured perfectly, I could imagine each of them saying the lines and their expressions as they did so.It seemed to be full of amusing and believable character moments:Martha’s terror at the farm being ruined by the petting zoo, Brendan’s reaction to the pony, Ruby dumbing down her explanations to Tapas Boy, Angelo’s confusion as everything turns to chaos…I read the story with a smile on my face, imagining the whole thing unfolding.

It did seem however that it was less a story and more a comedy interlude.It existed to amuse the reader, rather than to take the characters on any sort of journey that left them changed.But on that score, it certainly succeeded.