The Greatest Sacrifice

[Barbara]

I already feel sorry for Rachel being in prison for something she didn’t do on purpose and the way you are describing her life (can you call it a life? ) makes me feel even more sorry for her. It’s so unfair that she has to live like that and be treated like that by her inmates when all she did was defend herself against a man who was trying to rape her. I understand why it’d be hard to talk to Tony but those phone calls could be the only thing who brings her a bit of joy in prison.

“Oh Rach you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. I’ve been, I’ve been so worried. I was wondering when you’d phone, I turned up the volume on my phone to

maximum so that I wouldn’t miss your call when I was asleep. I’m sorry…I’m rambling” Tony stuttered, taking a deep breath. “I miss you.”

That is so sweet!

You brought a tear to my eye with the end of that chapter! They were both so emotional. I’m glad Rachel is going to send Tony the applications though. Rachel is a great friend as well, worrying about Martha when she is behind bars. I’m sure Martha knows Rachel’d rather be by her side than in jail. Poor Tony! He feels so powerless.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

[Sabrina]

I feel so sorry for Rachel. I hope the appeal goes well.

I loved the chat between Rachel and Tony.

That was so sweet of Rachel, giving Martha advice despite what she's going through herself.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

[charmed60]

Thank you thank you Carina, Zetti, Red Ranger, Barbara and Sabrina. So sorry for the long delay in updating; I've been so busy Sorry this next bit is a bit short; I'll work harder for the next chapter

Tony slammed the door of his car and raced towards the prison, his eyes frantically searching for where he was supposed to go. He didn’t want to have to stop and look, it would waste time. Time he didn’t have. He was half an hour late for visiting due to a burst water main on the road, leaving him stuck in standstill traffic, cursing at everybody and anybody who came near him. With his stress levels at maximum he took deep breaths in an effort to calm himself down; he’d been waiting two weeks since receiving the application to see Rachel and now it was finally going to happen. He was so worried about her, he could tell that she wasn’t being totally honest about what was happening inside and he hoped that being able to talk to her face to face would encourage her to open up. As he signed in with a security guard outside the door; his heart pounding at the intimidating look he was given, he walked through the heavy steel doors and ran a hand to smooth his shirt. It was Rachel’s favourite.

“Hi, I’m er, Tony Holden. I’m here to see Rachel Armstrong” he introduced himself, smiling politely in hopes that they would let him through quickly so he could spend the maximum time possible with her.

“You’re late” the aging lady abruptly replied; not even looking up from the paperwork she was working through.

“Yeah, I’m really sorry about that; I got stuck in traffic and…”

“You should have left earlier” she mumbled.

“I appreciate that but…”

“Perhaps you’ll remember that for next time” she sarcastically smiled, lifting her head momentarily before resuming her attention towards the reams of paper resting in front of her.

“It won’t happen again” Tony promised, his mouth drying. Anyone would have thought he was a prisoner himself. “Can I go through now?”

“I’m sorry but like we’ve just discussed; you’re late and therefore won’t be able to be let through.”

“What? No I’m sorry but that’s not good enough. I’ve just driven four hours to get here, I haven’t seen Rachel for over three weeks now; I need to see her. Even if it’s just ten minutes, please….I’ve promised her.”

“I’m sorry Mr Holden but rules are there for a reason. You won’t be allowed into the visiting hall but you can reapply…”

“Is there anything I can do” he frantically interrupted, desperate to be allowed through.

“I’m sorry but the decision’s final.” The woman pulled a blind down on the window leaving Tony with no option but to leave. Choking back tears of frustration he couldn’t help but imagine Rachel’s face when she realised he hadn’t turned up. He didn’t want her to think that he’d forgotten about her but there was no way he could get a message to her. He turned around and looked back at the prison, the bricks were grey and chipped and there was barbed wire and high fences all around. Just looking at it made him feel depressed. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how it made Rachel feel. Sighing heavily he sat down in his car and stared numbly at the windscreen as rain began to gently fall. He promised her he would be there, that he wouldn’t let her down. He slammed his fists down on the steering wheel and screamed out loud in anger as the rain began pelting down heavily on the windows around him. He’d let her down. He’d been so desperate to see her, to hold her and promise her that everything was going to be okay. But now, she wouldn’t even know that he’d been there. She’d probably hate him, just like he hated himself.

**************

Rachel crossed her hands in front of her chest, her heart pounding in her chest. She was so nervous about seeing Tony, afraid that he would look at the state of her and regret coming to see her. She’d tried everything she could to try and make herself look better but the baggy green uniform hung off of her and with only a comb to brush her hair and no make up allowed; there wasn’t much she could do. They’d lined her and the other prisoners up outside the visitors’ hall like sheep going to the slaughter and as they began moving towards the hall her heart rate increased. They’d told her that she would have to be seated before they’d let the visitors through; to stop her making a jail break she assumed.

She sat in her chair and watched as an iron door was opened on the opposite end of the hall and people nervously filed through, beaming smiles on their faces as they spotted their loved ones. Her eyes scoured the crowd for Tony but she couldn’t see him at all. She stood to her feet and looked frantically between the shoulders of other people; he had to be here, he said he’d come. She saw them close the door and as the people filtered through and sat down, with no-one left standing, she realised he hadn’t come.

**************

Rachel asked to leave early; watching the other inmates cry tears of joy over seeing their loved ones was too painful for her and the longer she’d sat there the more it sunk in that Tony had forgotten her. Or had he? It wasn’t like him, he’d sounded so desperate to see her on the phone. Her heart suddenly began racing as she considered other possibilities for him not being there; had something happened to him? It’s not like people could call her up and let her know. She bit her lip in worry as she wiped her sweating hands down her overalls and paced the corridor. Breathing in deeply she tried to enjoy the peace and quiet; with everyone in visiting she was able to wander the halls without being harassed or feeling like every eye was watching her. Plus it gave her a chance to come out of her cell, a place she’d been practically hiding in ever since she arrived.

The increasing drones of murmuring voices began to make their way towards Rachel causing her to roll her eyes and sigh heavily. Visiting time was over. As the crowd of prisoners moved forward in their blur of green she spotted the girls who’d been giving her hassle and so she quickly turned in her step and began a hasty walk back to her cell.

“Armstrong” she heard them echo down the draughty corridor, their footsteps looming heavier. “Armstrong I’m talking to you” one of them repeated. As much as Rachel wanted to run away she knew it was also important to not show your fear to them and so she carried on briskly walking, praying silently in her head that they’d go away.

“Where you off to in a hurry” another boomed in her ear causing Rachel to jump. She hadn’t realised they’d crept so close behind her.

“Just leave me alone” she muttered, crossing her arms tightly in front of her chest.

“Did your visitor not turn up” she mocked, “let me guess it was a man.” Rachel fought back the tears, wondering why her cell seemed so far away.

“For goodness sake just stand still for a second will you” a larger lady with greasy, mousy coloured hair yelled, moving herself in front of Rachel, stopping her immediately in her tracks. “Let me give you a little bit of advice” she grinned, her breath blowing Rachel’s hair into her face. “Once you’re in this place, everyone else forgets about you, especially your boyfriend.”

“Tony’s not like that” Rachel seethed; furious that she was butting in to her personal life and also a part of her embarrassed that they’d all noticed. “And just because your boyfriend realised he could do better does not mean that Tony would do that to me to.” Before Rachel could even catch her breath an arm came across her neck and pushed her violently into a cell door behind her; leaving her gasping her breath.

“Listen here sweetheart” the woman spat in her face; the veins in her forehead pulsating. “You’re not nothing special. Do you really think your guys gonna hang around for years, waiting for you to get out? You want him to put his life on hold like that just for you? I’m trying to help you out here so I suggest you take note of what I’m saying. No guys gonna stand by you while you’re in here. You think if a pretty girl wants to take him to her bed that he’s gonna say no? That he’s gonna go without for years and years and years…”

A tear trickled down Rachel’s cheek despite her desperation to hold them back as a realisation washed over her body that she didn’t want to have. They were right. Unable to move her head at all she glanced around and noticed the attention that they’d cause; people were glaring at her. She felt so pathetic.

“You can keep calling him and sending him applications begging him to see you all you like. But he’ll give up on you…well he already has.” The aging woman smirked a toothless grin before releasing Rachel from her hold; a slight sense of joy casting over her as she watched her cough and gasp for breath. “See you around Armstrong.”

Rachel winced in pain as she pulled herself upright, clutching her rib protectively. After leaving the visiting hall she’d considered calling Leah; she had one call left for that week and desperately needed a friend to talk to. A best friend. But now after what they’d said; as much as she despised them she realised they were right. Rachel knew she couldn’t expect the people she loved and cared about to wait around for her; she had to let them get on with their lives. Especially Tony.

Preview:

Rachel finds an ally

Jack takes Tony out to try and cheer him up; but will his sacrifice mean he misses the birth of his first child?

[Red Ranger 1]

Oh gosh.It's bad that Tony missed seeing Rachel and even worse that she seems to have given up again as a result.I really hope they manage to sort it out.

[HighwayUnicorn]

Wow, poor Rachel. She really is having a tough time isn't she?

I feel so sorry for her ... & Tony too.

A great chapter.

I look forward to the next one.

Love Carina xxx

[Zetti]

Sorry! I read this in the morning but I fell asleep again so I am commenting now.

Poor Tony, he tried so hard to get there and he didnt manage to get there in time but my heart goes to Rachel. Poor woman, she doesnt deserve to be in prison. I really hope she gets out soon.

[Barbara]

Tony already didn’t have much time. Of course something bad (ie the burst water main) had to happen so he would have even less time to spend with Rachel. Things like that often happen when you have something important planned.

That lady who works at the prison could be a bit more polite with people. I understand she can’t change the rules for Tony but she could be nicer.

I’ve probably said it already but I feel so sorry for Rachel. Tony couldn’t make it and she doesn’t even know what his excuse is as nobody will give her a message but the other prisoners are just awful and making her doubt her friends and boyfriend’s loyalty! Even if Tony was to meet someone (and I doubt he’ll give in), Leah would never forget her best friend, especially after all those years and everything they’ve been through. From your preview, it looks like she might finally find someone who will treat her better. That should make her feel a bit better.

More please.

[Sabrina]

Fantastic update!

Poor Tony, he tried so hard to get to the prison in time.

I feel so sorry for Rachel too. I hope things start working out for her.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

[charmed60]

Thank you wonderful people; Red Ranger, Carina, Zetti, Barbara and Sabrina. You're all such faithful readers, thank you And thank you for your patience to. Not sure if I need to put a warning in for a swear word in this chapter but consider yourself warned

“Dad come on, you can’t live like this” Jack begged, wincing as he glanced around at the once immaculate house. Tony had always taken pride in his house; when the boys were children he used to almost follow behind them in everything they did; picking up the toys as they threw them to the side. But now Jack could barely see the floor; the washing up bowl was full of dirty plates and stray pieces of paper surrounded Tony; who was typing furiously on his laptop.

“Jack I haven’t got time to go out and have fun okay; I need to figure out how to get this appeal through quicker” Tony bit back; running his fingers through his un brushed hair. “I don’t understand any of this though; it’s like it’s all in another language.”

“Dad you need to leave it to Morag, she understands all that and you know she’s working on the appeal” he soothed, shifting books to sit down next to his Dad.

“I’ve sent her four letters ” Tony choked; “Four letters. I didn’t want her to think I’d just forgotten about her so I explained everything and I thought that would be enough. But she hasn’t written back. She hasn’t called. I don’t understand.”

“I’m sure she’s still settling in” Jack reasoned, smiling encouragingly.

“She’s been there for almost two months Jack. I think she would have settled in by now.”

“You’ve never been in prison” Jack whispered, his father nodding in acknowledgment. “All you can do is keep sending her letters; let her know you’re there for her. But at the same time you can’t put your life on hold; she wouldn’t want that. So that’s why you’re coming out with me today; we’re gonna go out on the boat, fish and drink some beers. Enjoy the weather.”

“It just feels wrong to be relaxing when she’s so unhappy in there. I feel like I should be doing something to get her out.”

“Well how about we compromise. We can fish, drink beer and brainstorm some ideas about what we can do for the appeal?” Jack smiled hopefully.

“Yeah, okay that sounds good” Tony grinned, “thanks son; I’m really proud of you. You’re gonna make an amazing Dad you know that.”

“Not long now” Jack breathed in, nerves swimming in his stomach.

“Let’s go then. Enjoy the last bit of freedom you’re gonna get for the next eighteen years” Tony chuckled, closing his laptop and tucking it away in the drawer.

*******

Rachel straightened out the crumpled letter in her hand; reading every single word over and over in her head as she tried to imagine Tony’s voice.

"Not having you here is breaking my heart; I can’t think of anything else but you. Not being able to see you and knowing how much you’re hurting is killing me. I need you to know that…"

She couldn’t read the next part of the sentence. She’d cried so many times over it that her tears had smudged the ink. It felt so wrong to ignore his letters; she desperately wanted him to know that she felt the same way to; that being apart from him physically hurt. But reading his words; how he couldn’t stop thinking about her, couldn’t move on; it made her feel like she was doing the right thing. It wasn’t fair on him to feel like his life can’t go on without her; she didn’t want him to be so unhappy. She smiled as a photograph of a heavily pregnant Martha fell out of the envelope that Tony had sent her. Her friend looked so happy; she couldn’t believe the baby was going to be here soon. Both Tony and Jack were convinced it’s going to be a boy; carrying on the Holden tradition. But Rachel couldn’t help but be sure the baby was going to be a girl.

“Hey.” Rachel jumped as she looked up in the direction of the voice and held the letter tightly to her chest; afraid that they were going to take it away from her. “I’m sorry darl, I didn’t mean to scare you. Just thought I’d see how you’re doing after…”

Rachel subconsciously touched the swollen bruise on her cheekbone, she’d gotten in their way again. “I’m fine, thank you” she smiled timidly; unsure who this woman was.

“Do you mind if I come in?” she asked, already half way through the door.

“Sure” Rachel hesitantly replied, slipping the letter underneath her mattress. Just in case.

“My name’s Barbara” the woman introduced herself; her greying hair bouncing as she reached out her hand to shake Rachel’s. “You look like you don’t trust me” she added, noticing Rachel’s wary look; the way she had suddenly tensed up. “I don’t blame you love, not in a place like this. But I’m one of the good guys; I’m not going to hurt you. Just, I can spot an innocent person when I see one and I don’t have a whole lot of friends in here, thought you might fancy a chat.”

“You’re innocent to?” Rachel questioned, her shoulders relaxing slightly. She didn’t recognise her, but then having not spent much time outside of her cell she wasn’t surprised.

“Oh no, I’m guilty as charged” Barbara laughed ironically; “and I’d do it all over again. I’m not ashamed.”

Rachel held her breath, unsure of how to take that.

“Perhaps I should explain….” Barbara quickly cut in, realising she wasn’t helping Rachel to trust her. “I’m a foster carer; I’d been looking after this beautiful girl ever since she was a baby. She was taken off of her parents because they were involved in drugs and I was hoping to adopt her but because of my age they weren’t making it easy. Anyway they found an adoptive family who wanted her but when I met them…he made me feel so uneasy. But I had no choice but to let her go.” Barbara shuddered as she struggled to fight off the inevitable tears. “A few months later I found out that he’d been hurting her….I was furious. I reported him immediately of course but he denied it and she’s still only a little girl she didn’t understand when they questioned her. So the charges were dropped. I couldn’t bear to let him carry on hurting her, I felt so helpless and knew the only thing I could do to protect her was to kill him. So I did.”

Rachel sat in stunned silence. Barbara’s situation wasn’t a whole lot different from hers; they’d both done what they did to protect somebody. It’s just Rachel hadn’t intended to kill Reynolds. “I don’t blame you for what you did” she shrugged, “where is she now?”

“She’s being cared for by a very close friend of mine so she’s safe” Barbara smiled, her eyes twinkling.

“What’s her name” Rachel grinned. It felt so good to be talking to someone else, listening to someone else’s problems rather than mulling over her own.

“Savannah” Barbara sighed, “she’s such a beautiful girl; so full of life. Always smiling and giggling and wanting me to read her stories” she beamed, “well she did anyway.”

“Do you still keep in contact?” Rachel questioned, part of her praying that Barbara would say yes as if it gave Rachel permission to write back to Tony.

“A little” she replied, “my friend sends me a letter every few months telling me what she’s been up to. Something’s not right though; I can tell. Whenever I call up to talk to Savannah she says that she’s gone down for a nap or she’s out playing with the children.”

“It’s hard” Rachel agreed, “trying to get the balance right between wanting to keep in touch with your loved ones and letting them live their life.”

“Absolutely” Barbara sadly smiled; “anyway darl, what did you do that put you in this God awful place?”

“Oh I er, I killed somebody to I guess” Rachel shrugged, her cheeks blushing as the shame filtered through her.

“You guess? You either did or you didn’t” Barbara winked, causing Rachel to laugh. It felt so odd to be joking about such a serious subject but she couldn’t help but feel comforted by this woman.

“I did” Rachel sighed, “but it wasn’t intentional. It was self defence. He was beating and raping his wife and I got too involved trying to stop it and so he tried to…do it to me

to.”

“That is absolutely shocking, men can be such bastards” Barbara waved off, her hand on her chest. “And you got sent for jail trying to defend yourself, it makes me so mad. No wonder so many girls don’t report these crimes.”

“Yeah” Rachel smiled uncomfortably, wishing they could go back to talk about something else other than Reynolds.

“It’s funny isn’t it. We’ve only just met and already we’ve told each other the intimate, painful details of our lives. Prison’s a funny thing. I feel like I need a big bottle of

champagne now” Barbara giggled cheekily.

“Oh if only” Rachel smiled, the first genuine smile she’d had in months. Part of her couldn’t help but still be wary; it wasn’t exactly the kind of environment where you could trust someone. But the thought that she might have someone to talk to made things just that little bit easier.

**********

“So what did VJ think of is birthday present?” Martha asked Leah; a woman who’d come to be a close friend these past few months. With Rachel being gone they both seemed to share their grief together and would barely go a day without talking to each other.

“Oh he absolutely loved it” Leah beamed. “I’ve got to admit I’m really nervous about the idea of him surfing; just the typical neurotic mum in me that you will soon understand too well” she giggled, playfully stroking Martha’s large bump. “But Tony’s been kind enough to offer to take him out for a few private lessons; just to get his confidence up before his classes start in the summer.”

“Oh really? That will be nice…for both of them” Martha smiled sadly; picking up a glass from the table in a panic as the familiar pain she could feel building up began to ripple across her stomach. She waddled towards the sink, out of sight from Leah as fast as she could.

“Absolutely. I hate that VJ hasn’t got a father figure in his life and I know it’s not fair to depend on Tony; especially after everything he’s going through at the moment. But he’s been great and he assures me that he’s okay to help out; he said that Rachel would want him to look after me and VJ which is really sweet. Oh and talking of Rach…did I tell you that she sent VJ a birthday card? Well….it was a handmade one on paper, I guess they don’t sell cards in prison” she giggled before the smile dropped from her face and a gloom of sadness crept over her. “Rach is terrible at drawing” she added, awaiting Martha’s reply.

“Martha you okay?” She stood up from her chair and moved towards the sink, her eyes widening when she saw her friend doubled over in pain, clutching her stomach tightly as she bit down on a towel; trying to conceal her agony. “Oh my gosh, Martha what’s happening…” She was cut off as Martha swiftly held her hand up in front of her, ordering her to be silent. Her breaths which were frantically fast began to return to a normal pace and the tension which was strained around her eyes gradually relaxed.

“Woah that was a big one” Martha panted, “sorry I didn’t mean to hush you up I just…I had to focus.”

“Martha what is going on? Is this baby coming? Why haven’t you said anything” she rambled, panic flooding over her as she realised she was alone. “I don’t know how to deliver a baby.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing, it’s probably just those Braxton Hicks things that they say you get…” Martha answered unsurely, wiping her brow with the towel.

“Well how long ago did you get the last pain?” Leah interrogated, memories of her own labour with VJ appearing at the forefront of her mind.

“Three minutes” Martha answered immediately….

“And how about the one before that?”

“Three minutes” she instantly replied, having counted them for the past two hours.

“Martha these are not fake contractions sweetie, you’re in labour. And three minutes is really close together, we need to get you to a hospital. Why haven’t you said anything before this?”

“I guess I was hoping they’d go away” she frantically replied, whimpering as the beginnings of another contraction gripped her body. Her knuckles turned white as she clawed her nails into the kitchen sink; experiencing some relief from the damp towel Leah placed on her forehead. “Jack and Tony really needed this time together today; especially Tony. I didn’t want to ruin that for them so I thought I could handle it until Jack got home but they’re getting really strong now Leah, I don’t think they’re going to go away.”

“No they’re not sweetie, this is it. Time for this baby to come” she laughed nervously, her hands running through her hair as she tried to remember everything she needed to do. “Okay you just take some deep breaths okay and I’ll get your bag and I’ll call Jack once we get to the hospital.”

“Leah I’m scared” Martha choked, the realisation that her life was about to change suddenly overwhelming her. “I need Jack here now.”

“He will be, he’ll be here really soon. And there’s nothing to be afraid of okay; this is going to be the most painful yet most wonderful experience of your life. You’re going to be great. Now let’s get you to the car before the next contraction.” Martha nodded nervously as she clutched Leah’s arm and allowed her to guide her towards the door, praying that Jack would make it to the hospital in time.

Preview:

Martha's child is born but will Jack be by her side?

Tony has an idea for the appeal

[Red Ranger 1]

Liked Jack trying to help Tony out.I can understand Rachel's point of view in not wanting Tony to put his life on hold but it doesn't seem likely he'll let go of her soon.Hope Barbara's genuine.