The Empire Strikes Bay

[Red Ranger 1]

Story Title: The Empire Strikes Bay

Type of story: Short/Medium

Main Characters: Xavier, Indigo, Romeo and rest of cast.

BTTB rating: T/A

Genre: Sci fi, comedy.

Does story include spoilers: No.

Any warnings: Sexual content, language, comedy violence.

Summary: The long awaited sequel to Bay Wars, parodying the next Star Wars film The Empire Strikes Back. Once again to be written by Red Ranger, Miranda, pembie and JosieTash.

CHAPTER 1

Bay Wars Episode V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BAY

It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although they destroyed the Death Star, rebel forces were driven from their secret base by the Galactic Empire. A group of freedom fighters led by Xavier Skywalker have established a new base on the remote ice planet of Winter Bay. The evil lord Darth Palmer, charged with finding young Xavier, has despatched thousands of probes from the Imperial Starfleet.

Xavier Skywalker sat astride his tauntaun, the large domesticated animals that the rebels had adopted as transport, amidst the icy wastes of Winter Bay. He took out his communicator and signalled the rebel base. “This is Commander Xavier Skywalker.”

“Go ahead, Commander Xavier,” came the response.

“Nearly finished my patrol. I’ll be heading back to base soon.”

“Anything to report?”

Xavier considered. “Well, I saw something that looked a bit like a Rivertrooper probe earlier but it was probably just an asteroid. After all, there’s not likely to be an Imperial Star Destroyer anywhere near here.”

Nearby, on the bridge of their Imperial Star Destroyer, Captain Brodie approaching his superior Admiral Pee Wee. The pair had received rapid promotions as a result of being among the few Rivertroopers to still be alive after the Death Star. “Our probe has arrived at Winter Bay,”he reported. “It is showing signs that there is human life there.”

“Oh, okay. Ignore it.”

“Right. Why?”

“Because it’s probably tourists or something. People go to Winter Bay all the time to go snowboarding.”

Brodie looked at him in bewilderment. “Admiral Pee Wee, Winter Bay is deserted. There’s never anyone there.”

“Well, if there’s never anyone there, why are we picking up signs of human life?”

“Because it’s a secret rebel base?”

“Or because it’s a secret tourist getaway. Seriously, it’s not worth bothering about. You have to learn to make these decisions if you want to be an admiral.”

Elsewhere on the Imperial Star Destroyer, General Ferrett knocked nervously on the door to the private chamber of the vessel’s most fearsome occupant. “Come in,”announced a deep voice from within.

Ferrett walked into his master’s inner sanctum. At first, he could see nothing but smoke. Then he began to make out a large bath tub in the middle of the chamber, with steam coming out of it. Its occupant searched around for his black helmet and only when he had it back in place did he turn to greet his guest.

“What do you want?”asked Darth Palmer.

“Ah, one of our probes has detected human lifesigns coming from Winter Bay, Lord Palmer.”

“Then that is where we are heading?”

“No, Lord Palmer. Admiral Pee Wee ordered that the signal be ignored.”

Darth Palmer sighed. “Typical. Never trust a Rivertrooper to do a man’s job. Have the fleet set course for Winter Bay at once. And tell Admiral Pee Wee I am confisgating his surfboard until he does better.”

“Yes, Lord Palmer.” Ferrett hovered in the doorway a moment longer before asking something that had been troubling him. “Ah, Lord Palmer?”

“Yes, General Ferrett?”

“Not that I’m not grateful but why did you make me the general?”

“Because you have an amusing name.”

In the rebel base on Winter Bay, Captain Romeo Solo of the Blaxlandinum Falcon and his co-pilot Liambacca had gone to see the base commander, General Irene Roberts. “I’m sorry to let you down, General Irene,”Romeo apologised,“but I’m afraid Liambacca and I are going to have to leave the rebels.”

“Seriously?”General Irene asked. “If you do that, you won’t appear very much.”

“I know it’s a pain but I need to get back to Summer Bay and pay Harvey the Hutt the money I owe him or he’ll have every bounty hunter in the galaxy after me.”

“Well, I guess you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.”

Liambacca cheerily started moaning his “We’re finally getting off this dump” song.

“You’re not serious?”asked Princess Indigo Organa, who had overheard the conversation. “You’re going to leave us?”

“Well, you could always come with me, Princess,”Romeo suggested. “I could stop by a tropical island and we could get married.”

“I’m sorry?”Princess Indigo demanded indignantly. “You really think I’d marry a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffily-dressed nerf herder?”

Romeo looked at her in confusion. “What’s a nerf?”

“I don’t know. But whatever it is, you’d herd them.”

At that moment, the two droids, Dex3PO and AprilD2, came hurrying up. “General Irene! General Irene!” Dex3PO called excitedly. “There’s a storm coming outside! Freezing arctic winds and sub zero temperatures!”

“Afraid you’re going to have to stay here for a while, Romeo,”General Irene decided. “Gonna be too dangerous for anyone to leave here for the next few hours. We’ll have to seal off the base.”

“But what about Xavier?”Princess Indigo asked. “He’s still out there.”

“Can’t be helped. He’ll have to take his chances. He’s not daft, I’m sure he’ll take cover.”

Xavier lay in the middle of the icy plain, freezing to death. His tauntaun was collapsed next to him, the cold too much for either of them to continue.

Xavier had a feeling he was going crazy because he was sure he could see his late mentor, Obi-Miles Kenobi, standing in front of him. And for some reason he was glowing blue.

“I have a message for you from the Force!”Obi-Miles announced. “You must be trained in the ways of the Jedi Knights if you are to defeat the Empire. There is only one person left alive who can train you. You must travel to Swampy Bay, where you will find Rabbit, the Jedi who taught me all I know.”

Xavier stared at him for several seconds then collapsed unconscious.

Obi-Miles sighed. “Or you could just lie there and freeze. Either’s good.”

The rebels were battering down the hatches of their base. Dex3PO and AprilD2 wandered about in the middle of the chaos. “I’m so glad that storm’s been kept out,”Dex3PO noted. “I really don’t like the cold.”

AprilD2 gave a series of beeps in response.

Dex3PO looked at her curiously. “What do you mean you can’t find Captain Romeo? I’m sure he’s around here somewhere.”

AprilD2 bleeped a suggestion.

“You think Captain Romeo left the base before it was sealed in order to look for Master Xavier? I’m sure that’s not true. Anyone who did that would have to be both very brave and unbelievably stupid.” Dex3PO considered these words for a few moments and then looked at the sealed door. “Oh dear…”

[pembie]

Here you go here is my chapter

Hope you like it

Chapter 2

“There, there girl it won’t be long now.” Captain Romeo Solo said patting his near to freezing tauntaun.

“We will find Master Xavier soon enough seeing as I have one of these high tech Rebel sat nav’s which detects body heat.”

“Take left turn ahead please.”

“See we only have to put our trust into this state of the art equipment and……

“Make a U turn when possible.”

“Oh you have got to be kidding me.” Romeo says as the left turning he had just taken was indeed cut off by a giant wall of ice.

“Make a U turn when possible.”

“Ok, Ok keep your knickers on. Your getting as bad as Princess Indigo with all your nagging.” Romeo Solo says as he brushed the heavy blizzard of snowflakes away from his face.

“I’m sorry Darl there just isn’t any sign of Captain Romeo Solo or Master Xavier.”

“But General Irene I’m really worried about Master Xavier.” Princess Indigo said as she let out loud sobbing cries.

General Irene placed a comforting arm round her and tried to speak loudly but calmly over the Princess’s wails of despair.

“There, there Darl I’m sure young Skywalker will be fine, oh but Darl aren’t you worried about Captain Romeo as well?”

In a slight pause mid sob Princess Indigo says….

“NO HIS A STUPID HEAD NOT TO MENTION A TOTAL TWIT WHAT MUST HE OF BEEN THINKING?”

“I doubt he was thinking at all, let’s just hope he doesn’t just quit looking for him.”

“Romeo is a lot of things but I’m sure his no quitter.” Princess Indigo says wiping her eyes.

“Well for young Skywalker’s sake I hope your right Darl.” General Irene says as she looks across at an over excited Dex3PO rushing towards them.

“What ever is it Dex3PO?”

“Do not worry Princess; AprilD2 has just worked out the odds of Master Xavier’s survival out there in these icy conditions.”

Princess Indigo gripped Dex3PO tightly and began to violently shake him.

“What are the odds? Come on tell me please.” The panicked young Princess begged.

“Well………..April…….D2………says……..the………odds…..of…….survival……are 725………to…….1.” To Dex3PO’s great relief Princess Indigo’s grip and shaking of him stops only to be replaced by high pitch wails of despair.

Dex3PO backs away slightly from what seems to be a cut up/love sick woman.

“Do not cry Princess AprilD2 isn’t always right, she does have a habit of making very bad mistakes sometimes.” Dex3PO says as he starts to run very quickly away from this slightly intense not to mention frightening situation of a over emotional wailing Princess.

Captain Romeo Solo let out a triumphed sigh, as he heard the words he had longed to hear after what seemed like hours of being nagged to make an endless number of U turns.

“You have reached your destination, A nearly frozen Jedi is dead ahead.”

“Thank you heat sensing Sat Nav I knew you wouldn’t let me down.”

Romeo tugged gently upon the reins of his tired tauntaun bringing her to a slow stop.

“XAVIER” Romeo shouted as he jumped down from his tantalum.

Young Xavier Skywalker lay upon the icy cold snow he reached a out stretched arm out towards the oncoming voice he heard coming towards him.

“Obi-Miles Kenobi is that you again? Because I would just like to double check with you, that when you say I am to find a Jedi trainer called Rabbit, are we talking in terms of me finding an actual rabbit to train me?”

As footsteps quickly came closer to him Xavier had collapsed again from just having done that long monologue to his dead mentor. Which who in death had turned the odd colour of bright blue.

“XAVIER DON’T WORRY I’M HERE” bellowed Romeo over the heavy snow storm.

“RABBIT, MILES, RABBITS, JEDI, RABBIT, MILES.”

“NO XAVIER IT’S ME ROMEO SOLO.”

“DO YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND A RABBIT?”

“XAVIER YOUR NOT MAKING SENSE.”

“RABBITS ARE FLUFFY AND CUTE.”

Dear God it seems he has gone slightly mad, even close to losing his mind what with all this talk of rabbits Romeo thought to himself.

“Come in Winter Bay do you read me?”

“Yes Darl”

“I have found Master Xavier and Captain Romeo.”

“Well done Jai”

Jai looks proudly out of the window of his rebel jet.

“How’s it looking down there darl?”

“Well General Irene it seems they are tucked up in a nice warm sleeping bag.”

“That’s great news darl.”

“Yes a sleeping bag, no wait a minute OMG.”

“What is it Jai?”

“Now that is just disgusting.”

“What is darl?”

“Oh I think I’m going to be sick.”

“I wouldn’t do that darl It would cost the rebellion a fortune in cleaning bills.”

“But it’s just out of this galaxy disgusting.” Jai says covering his mouth trying not to heave.

“What is it darl what do you see?”

It looks like Captain Romeo Solo and Master Xavier are using what seems to be a dead tauntaun as shelter. They are sat inside it did you hear what I just said General Roberts?”

Jai screws his face up as a not so pleasant sound is heard from General Irene’s end.

“General Irene?”

“Oh I’m sorry Jai I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

“Master Xavier it is so good to have you and your shiny blondness back safe and sound.” Dex3PO says rushing excitedly forwards to greet a fully defrosted Xavier.

“Yeah how are you holding up Xav? You don’t look that bad to me.” Romeo says proudly folding his arms. An very concerned Liambacca, who had been endlessly howling up until Xavier’s and Romeo’s safe return, leapt forwards taking Xavier into a tight bear hug.

“Well Princess it would seem I will be hanging round for a while longer, seeing as Irene says it is to unsafe to travel.” Romeo says giving Princess Indigo a quick wink.

“Yes hanging round like a bad smell you mean.”

“Oh come on I know you find me hot.” Romeo says looking smug.

Princess Indigo sweeps herself over to an rather looking sore and crushed Xavier and progresses to snog his face off. Romeo Solo and Liambacca can only stand there with big gaping mouths. When Indigo is finished with pashing Xavier’s face off, she quickly sweeps away from them.

“How on earth did you manage to pull her Xav?”

“Seems I’m the man today Romeo not you.” Xavier says with a big grin on his face, while Romeo looks on at Xavier in a dagger look stare.

[JosieTash]

CHAPTER THREE !!!

In the control room of the secret Rebel base, General Irene Roberts & Princess Indigo are alerted to the presence of a fleet of Star Destroyers that have just dropped out of hyperspace close to the Winter Bay system ……..

General Irene “Raise the shields so they can’t attack us from above.”

Princess Indigo “Prepare everyone to evacuate ….. and prepare for ground assault. Who knows what that EVIL Lord Palmer and his River Troopers have got in store for us.”

Romeo Solo [as he enters the room] “I’m expecting something BIG ….you know their type, brawn over brain.”

Princess Indigo “So, are you trying to tell me that YOU’RE more brains than brawn, cos you KNOW that traveling round the galaxy in an old bucket of bolts you’ve got, it ain’t that smart.”

Romeo Solo “The Blaxlandium Falcon. It got you off the Death Star, didn’t it?”

Princess Indigo “You got lucky that day.”

General Irene “Suggest you two STOP this lover’s tiff, unless you wanna finish it in an Imperial dungeon somewhere.”

Romeo Solo “Lover’s tiff. This is soooooo NOT one of them.”

Princess Indigo [sultry voice] “Oooooh !!!! I LOVE the sound of being chained up in a dungeon somewhere!!!!”

Romeo Solo “What happened to loving US getting you out of the last one.”

Princess Indigo “Haven’t you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome?“

Romeo Solo [perplexed voice] “No !!!!”

Dex3PO “Princess, if I may?”

Princess Indigo “The stage is all yours.”

Dex3PO “In the last GREAT scientific achievement of the Republic, scientists sent a probe into space faster than ANY craft had join before. Like, at light speed times infinity. The probe ended up a long time in the FUTURE, in a galaxy far, far away, where it came across a planet called Earth, and .......... ”

Romeo Solo [cutting in] “Bored now. Let’s just get outta here !!!

As the Rebels start to evacuate their base, General Tegan Callaghan approaches Darth Palmer – both of whom are aboard the Empire’s latest weapon, a SUPER-class Star Destroyer, which seems to be a HUNDRED TRILLION times bigger that a “standard” Imperial-class Star Destroyer …….

General Callaghan “Lord Palmer, the fleet is now up of hyperspace, but there's NO WAY we can attack the Rebel base on Winter Bay from the air. There’s a shield protecting most of the planet.”

Darth Palmer “Admiral Pee Wee is as clumsy as he is stupid. I’ll have to do MORE than just confiscate his surfboard this time.”

An image of Admiral Pee Wee and Captain Brodie appear on the view screen …….

Admiral Pee Wee “Lord Palmer…………”

Before he can go any further, Darth Palmer uses Pee Wee’s OWN surfboard to DECAPTITATE him !!!!!,! i.e. the board FLEW across the room and , at a “million” miles an hour, sliced the Admiral’s head clean off!!!!!!

Lord Palmer “General Callaghan, prepare your men for GROUND assault. Captain Brodie, make sure NOTHING gets off this system. You’re in charge of this operation now, ADMIRAL Brodie.”

Admiral Brodie ”Yes, sir.”

+++

Princess Indigo instructs the Rogue squadron pilots, including Xavier Skywalker & Casey Antilles, of their mission ….either as X Wing pilots protesting the transports OR aboard the snow speeders about to take on whatever the Empire “throws“ at them on the ground ……..after which Xave & Casey and the other get to their respective fighting craft ……and whilst the Rebels’ ION cannon renders useless any Star Destroyers in their way of the Rebel transports attempting to flee the system and go to a pre arranged rendezvous point, Young Skywalker, Casey Antilles and the other snow speeder pilots come across an intriguing sight ……

Xavier Skylwalker “O M G !!!! They’re using big, heavy, silly Walkers in THIS terrain.”

Princess Indigo [over the commlink, whilst making her way to a transport] “I don’t know why, but you saying Walkers was funny.”

Dex3PO [alongside the Princess] “Yes, I agree. That word. I don’t know why, but I find it quite amusing as well.”

Xavier Skywalker “Let’s hope the Empire is laughing on the other side of its face when we DESTROY these lumbering things!!!!!”

The Rebel snow speeders attack the Imperial Walkers, with NO affect!!!! Worse still, the large, lumbering craft are destroying many of the Rebels’ ground entrenchments and the like ……

Xavier Skywalker “That amour’s too strong for our lasers. I KNOW I’m supposed to be the BRILLIANT one here, but any suggestions???”

Casey Antilles “What about using their size against them, by using our harpoons !!!!”

Xavier Skywalker “I KNEW there HAD to be a reason why these speeders had harpoons, cos I SERIOUSLY couldn’t think previously as to why!!!! [Xavier checks out his speeder’s systems] OK, the controls of my harpoon, they’ve been damaged [as we see, in the background, another of the Rebel speeders being shot down by the Imperial Walkers] Casey, follow me on the next pass. I’ll cover you.”

Casey Antilles “Cooool. You’ll be MY human shield THIS time.”

As the lead Imperial Walker gets ever closer to the shield generator, Casey uses his harpoon to wrap the town cable many times round the legs of one of the FIERCSOME Walkers …… it’s a SPECTACULAR sight when the cumbersome, big Walker CRASHES to the ground and is destroyed …….but there are still MANY Walkers moving as quick as one of these big four legged Walkers can, including one that “DOWNS” Young Skywalker’s speeder!!!! Xavier is about to be CRUSHED when Casey saves his butt by destroying the Walker!!!!!

Both Casey & Xavier are forlorn though when one the Walkers DESTROYS the shield generator …….

Xavier “OMG !!!! The sheild is down. I HOPE Princess Indigo is outta there. I don’t think I could LIVE knowing that Lord Palmer has captured her again!!!! …….especailly since she’s HOT ….and who’s knows what EVIL those Imperials will do to her if they capture her a 2nd time !!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED !!!!!

[Miranda]

Chapter 4

(A prize if you can spot the famous film quotes in this chapter)

The Blaxlandium Falcon shuddered into action, Princess Indigo clinging on for dear life. Imperial fire screamed past but the pilot and co-pilot skillfully avoided most of it, dodging about like a womp rat in hunting season on the desert planet of Summer Bay.

“Going to hyper drive!” shouted Romeo, flicking switches on the ceiling and silently praying. The ship trembled again and Indigo clutched Dex3PO, both swaying in the turbulence.

“This bucket of scrap metal better not let us down now!” she shouted.

“Well, really,” muttered Dex3PO. “Such language.”

“Thanks your worship, but it never has yet!” retorted Romeo.

The Falcon shook as the Imperial destroyers loomed over it, then the plucky ship blasted into hyper drive, leaving the huge vessels twiddling their thumbs at the disappearance of their prey. If ships can twiddle their thumbs that is.

#####

Meanwhile, Xavier Skywalker and AprilD2 had rushed to their X wing fighter and set off at top speed, dodging Imperial troops left, right and centre, firing back when possible, but mainly just taking hits. AprilD2 beeped and hurried to repair as much damage as she could, but it was very difficult and Xavier struggled to remain in control, despite the piloting skills he’d inherited from the father he had never known.

#####

“I do hope Master Xavier and AprilD2 escaped,” said Dex3PO as the Falcon left hyperspace and came out the other side. “Those Imperial Walkers were distinctly terrifying.”

“It’s malfunctioning!” interrupted Romeo, thumping the control panel.

“You do surprise me,” drawled Indigo, rolling her eyes at her golden companion.

“I am familiar with seventeen million types of body language and facial expressions,” he said. “Yours tells me that you are not surprised in the slightest. Perhaps if you-”

She tutted and stormed out of the cockpit.

Liambacca howled.

“Don’t tell me that, you great fuzz ball, I already know!” shouted Romeo.

The Imperial fleet loomed behind them, imperiously.

Romeo and Liambacca wrestled with the controls of the Falcon, dodging fire left and right.

“Not again!” Indigo reappeared. So much for reading the ‘Rebel Gazette’ in her bedroom: the ship was shaking so much it made her feel too travel sick to look at it.

“Don’t worry about us!” snapped Romeo. “We’re just killing ourselves to save your life.”

Rhythmical bangs assaulted the sides of the ship.

“What’s that?” she shrieked.

“We’re in an asteroid field!”

The Wookiee howled.

“We’ll have to go in deeper!”

“But we’ll be pulverized!” screamed Indigo.

“It’s either that or captured by Darth Palmer and interrogated!”

“Good point.”

The Falcon dived in among the asteroids while the Imperial destroyers waited, readying their fighters.

#####

Xavier’s X wing was on its last legs, or wings.

“AprilD2, we’ll have to land on that planet!” he yelled, and she beeped wildly.

“We haven’t any choice!”

The fighter roared through the atmosphere, through the vegetation cover and dived into a swamp. Xavier scrambled out as the ship slowly disappeared into the mud.

“April?” he called.

A periscope poked out of the swamp and the little droid, covered in slime, rolled out, beeping angrily.

They sat together for a while on the bank.

“Where are we? I didn’t think a place could be so wet and cold,” complained Xavier, having come from hot, dry Summer Bay.

AprilD2 shrieked loudly.

“What is it?” He turned to see a small rabbit like creature watching. It bounced towards them and stole Xavier’s space ration bar.

“Strewth!” he exclaimed, remembering his Australian roots. Just as he said so, the rabbit’s head fell off, but to everyone’s relief, there was a little girl underneath.

“Why are you wearing that stupid bunny suit?” asked Xavier.

“Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?” she retorted.

“What?”

“Oops. Sorry, wrong film.”

“What!”

“Never mind. Why are you here?”

“I’ve come to meet a powerful warrior, who will teach me how to be a great Jedi.”

“Oh. Ah. I see.”

“Do you know this warrior?”

“Maybe. But first we have to play some silly games to test your strength.” She got a box of Cluedo out and set it on the uneven swamp floor.

#####

The Blaxlandium Falcon had landed on one of the larger asteroids and switched off all power.

“That’s got rid of them,” said Romeo smugly, scratching Liambacca’s head, while he purred like a cat.

Imperial fighters were still crashing into other asteroids around them, briefly lighting up the sky as they exploded.

“We can have a brief moment of respite from the tension of running from the Empire,” said Dex3PO.

Everyone stood still for a moment, thinking. The moment lengthened uncomfortably and everyone exchanged glances.

“That’s enough of that. On with the story,” said Indigo briskly, and the others smiled with relief.

Something landed on the Falcon’s windscreen. Splat! And another splat!

“What the hell’s that?” Romeo went to look out at it.

“Should we go outside and see where we are?” suggested Indigo.

“Can’t hurt.”

The gang timidly walked out of the ship, but Dex3PO hovered at the top of the ramp.

“But- sir- it could be dangerous- mistress- please be careful-”

But they ignored him.

“The ground’s a bit- soggy,” said the Princess. “No, squishy. No, spongy. No, forget those, it’s more squelchy.”

“When you’ve finished going through the dictionary, can you look out for danger?” said Romeo sarcastically.

The trio peered around into the darkness then heard a loud rumbling.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Romeo muttered.

“You always have,” groaned Indigo and Liambacca growled in agreement.

The ground shifted.

“Give me your blaster,” ordered the Princess. She shot it at the floor and the whole cavern moved.

“Quick, back to the ship!” Romeo led them back up the ramp and he and Liambacca flung themselves at the controls.

“Sir, I tried to warn you!” Dex3PO quavered.

The Falcon took off as fast as possible, heading towards the rapidly closing teeth of the mouth of the creature they had landed on.

[Red Ranger 1]

CHAPTER 5

Xavier moved his piece and looked confidently at the cards in his hand and at his checklist. “Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the candlestick.”

The girl gave him a crafty look. “Are you sure?”

“Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the candlestick,”Xavier repeated.

“Okay.” The girl picked up the envelope containing the correct cards and opened it up. “Ha! Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the spanner. Read ’em and weep, blonde boy!”

Xavier looked at the cards in bewilderment. “But…but…”

“’Cos I had the candlestick right here!” The girl waved the card in front of his face. “And as the loser, you have to give me a piggyback to my cave.”

“Look, I’d loved to sit here and play board games with you in the middle of a swamp but I have to find Rabbit.”

“Give me a piggyback to my cave and I’ll help you.”

Xavier looked at her with renewed interest. “You know where I can find Rabbit?”

AprilD2 started making a persistent bleeping sound.

Xavier sighed. “I’m sorry, AprilD2, but you know I never understand what you’re on about unless I’ve got Dex3PO or a computer here to translate. Just let me find Rabbit and I’ll see what I can do.”

There was a decidedly exasperated tone to AprilD2’s next bleep.

“You’ve got a smart droid, blonde boy,”the girl told him. “You should listen to her. Ah well, bend down, horsie. And don’t forget to bring the board with you.”

On the bridge of the Imperial Star Destroyer, an impressive array of tough-looking characters were lined up in front of Darth Palmer. Admiral Brodie and General Ferrett stood off to one side. “Who are they?”Ferrett whispered.

“Bounty hunters,”Brodie whispered back. “Darth Palmer hired them.”

“Why’s he hired a bunch of people to hunt for coconut chocolate bars?”

Brodie rolled his eyes. “It’s like having General Heath back.”

“Your mission, should you choose to accept it,”Darth Palmer announced,“is to search for Princess Indigo Organa, one of the leading members of the Rebel Alliance. Our information suggests she is in the company of one of the rebels’ top pilots, Captain Romeo Solo. He is also wanted by the Empire.”

One of the bounty hunters, who was encased in grey armour, spoke up. “Romeo Solo is also wanted by Harvey the Hutt from Summer Bay. And he’s offering a lot of money.”

“If you follow my instructions correctly, you may collect both bounties. Now, talk amongst yourselves for a bit. I have to contact my master back on Mangrove River.”

As Palmer swept off the bridge, making sure his black cloak wafted behind him in an impressive manner as he did so, Brodie and Ferrett sidled up to the armoured figure. “Are you someone famous?”Brodie asked.

“I’m Minka Fett,”the bounty hunter replied. “Winner of several surfing bounty hunter championships.”

“And you’ve even got that full body armour thing going for you,”Ferrett remarked. “You should be a Rivertrooper!”

“I’m far too cool to be a Rivertrooper.”

Darth Palmer bent down on one knee as a hologram of his master, Emperor Alfatine, from back on Mangrove River, appeared in front of him. “Greetings, my emperor.”

Alfatine stared down at him. “Palmer? Is that you? Is this thing working? I can only see the top of your head.”

“I am bowing my head before my lord and master.”

“Oh, that’s all right then. I thought it had gone wrong for a minute. Have you got news for me?”

“My search for Xavier Skywalker, the son of John Skywalker, continues. I have sensed much disturbance in the force from him. It appears he will soon become a Jedi like his father.”

“So, when you find him you’ll kill him?”

“No. I intend to lure him to the Dark Side and teach him the benefits of wearing cool black armour and decapitating people who annoy you.”

“Well, whatever you think’s best, Palmer. What’s your plan?”

“I have hired bounty hunters to capture two of his closest friends, Romeo Solo and Princess Indigo Organa. When news reaches him that they are in my grasp, he will come to rescue them and walk straight into my trap.”

Alfatine drummed his fingers on his chair thoughtfully. “I don’t mean to sound critical, Palmer, but wouldn’t it make more sense to just hire the bounty hunters to capture Xavier Skywalker?”

“No, my way is best.”

At that moment, the rebel fleet that had escaped from Winter Bay was coming out of hyperjump at the rendezvous point. On the command ship, General Irene Roberts sent a message to Casey Antilles in one of her support fighters. “Did everyone get out okay?”

Casey checked the casualty list in front of him. “Oh my god! They killed Jai!”

“Oh, well, he’s probably used to it by now, he got killed in the last big battle as well. Anyone else missing?”

“Well, there’s a few people who haven’t been seen since we left Winter Bay. Xavier Skywalker, Romeo Solo and Princess Indigo.”

“No-one important then. They can find their own way back.”

Romeo checked the back section of the Blaxlandinum Falcon where Princess Indigo was standing around sulking. “Having a good time, your highness?”he asked.

“This is the worst trip I’ve ever been on,”she complained. “Including that one where we were ambushed and my home planet was blown up. I’m on a scruffy ship with a scruffy captain, I don’t have a private bathroom in my quarters… actually, I don’t think I even have quarters. This is what I get for slumming it.”

Romeo sidled close to her. “So, you can’t see anything attractive on this ship at all?”

“No, nothing whatsoever.”

“That’s a shame.” He kissed her.

She didn’t seem to object that much.

Dex3PO stuck his head down through a hatch above them. “Ah, Captain Romeo?”

“Bit busy right now,”Romeo told him in between manhandling the princess.

“Princess Indigo?”

“Like he said, bit busy,”Indigo replied in between enjoying being manhandled.

“Okay. Liambacca thought you might want to know that there’s an Imperial fleet bearing down on us but if you’re otherwise occupied…”

“What?” Romeo charged up the ladder, Indigo a couple of steps behind him.

They entered the cockpit where Romeo dropped into the seat next to Liambacca while Indigo and Dex3PO crowded behind them. Liambacca looked at his captain suspiciously.

“Don’t go sniffing me,”Romeo warned him. “I don’t care whose scent you think is on me, you’re mistaken, okay?”

Liambacca shrugged and looked straight ahead.

“Can we outrun them?”Indigo asked.

Romeo thought for a moment. “No.”

“Can we outfight them?”

“No.”

Indigo buried her face in her hands. “I never should have gone economy class.”

“But I have got a plan,”Romeo added. Indigo looked even more pained.

“Don’t worry, Princess, it’ll all be over soon,”Dex3PO sighed.

General Ferrett was following the progress on the ship’s radar as they approached the Blaxlandinum Falcon. “We’re nearly on them! We’re nearly on them!” The blip representing the Blaxlandinum Falcon vanished. “Oh. They’ve gone.”

Darth Palmer turned on him angrily. “Do you mean to say you’ve lost them?”

“Well, you could interpret it like that…”

“If a mistake has been made, someone will be sorry.”

Ferrett stood to attention. “The responsibility was entirely mine, Lord Palmer.”

Palmer looked at him. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

Back on Swampy Bay, Xavier was making his way through the swamp with the girl clinging to his back and the Cluedo board in his hands, while AprilD2 trundled along behind them. “Are we nearly there yet?” he complained.

“Nearly!”the girl confirmed for about the tenth time. She nodded to an opening ahead of them. “There we are! Home sweet home.”

Xavier lowered her to the ground and she scampered into the cave, taking the Cluedo board off him as she did so. “So, you said you’d help me find Rabbit?”he asked her.

“Yep, will do, I’m sure I’ve got my address book here somewhere.”

“Well, Rabbit was a mighty warrior so if there’s any big fortresses around here…”

The girl sighed and looked past Xavier. “Are you sure he’s the right one? He’s a bit dim, isn’t he?”

Xavier spun round and saw Obi-Miles standing there. His old mentor shrugged. “Well, I was a bit slow on the uptake as well sometimes.”

Xavier stared at the girl. “You’re Rabbit?”

Rabbit applauded sarcastically. “Got it in twenty.”

“Well how was I supposed to know that?”

“Wasn’t the rabbit costume a bit of a giveaway?”

“I thought you were just being wacky.”

Rabbit sighed. “Behold the saviour of the galaxy. We’re all doomed.”

Two Rivertroopers were sweeping General Ferrett’s remains off the deck of the ship’s bridge. Darth Palmer looked on with approval. “I like the mess that Rivertroopers make when you cut them up. It’s so much more satisfying than just disappearing when they die.”

Admiral Brodie seemed to have turned a rather pale colour. “So, um, what are your orders, Lord Palmer?”

“Since you Rivertroopers have failed me, I will be forced to rely on the bounty hunters to locate the Blaxlandinum Falcon for me.”

In fact, the Blaxlandinum Falcon was very close at hand. Romeo had landed the smaller ship directly on the hull of the Star Destroyer. “Got to hand it to the Rivertroopers,”he remarked. “Probes and sensors that could detect this ship dozens of light years away but they forget they’ve got a blind spot right under their noses.”

“Genius,”Indigo replied with more than a little sarcasm. “But how exactly do we get away without them noticing? Sooner or later, they’re gonna send someone out here to clean the windows.”

“Simple. We wait until they empty their garbage tank and hide among the rubbish.”

“Yeah, right.” Indigo noticed the look on his face. “Oh, hang on, you’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Even if your plan worked, Captain Romeo,”put in Dex3PO,“where would we go? The rest of the rebel fleet is too far away for us to join up with them.”

“Good point.” Romeo thought for a moment. “Sasha!”

“Where?”Indigo asked.

“Not where, who. Sasha Calrissian, an old colleague of mine. She’s something big in the City now, like… mayor or something. She’ll hide us.”

“What’s she like?”

“Oh, real sweet person,”Romeo replied. “Would do anything for anyone. Never heard a cross word from her. Liambacca, stop sniggering.”

Indigo turned to Dex3PO. “Do you get the feeling we’re not being told the whole story?”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll treat us like family.”

Romeo noticed a light come on near the Star Destroyer’s waste disposal. “Okay, surf’s up.”

Unfortunately, what Romeo didn’t notice was that it wasn’t just waste being ejected from the disposal. Minka Fett’s small ship was also following him. “Surf’s up,”she noted. “You should always check that blind spot in your rear view mirror.”

[pembie]

Hey sorry it has taken me so long to write this chapter.

Hope you all enjoy it

Chapter 6

“Ouch don’t dig your nails in so hard.”

“Oh stop being such a wuss Blondie.” Rabbit says happily perched high on Xavier’s staining shoulders Xavier tried his hardest to shuffled Rabbit’s weigh as he peered over the death defying sheer drop that Rabbit had demanded Xavier conquer.

Xavier felt a impatience tapping as Rabbit drummed her fingers on his back as she waited for him to take the plunge. The only sound Xavier could hear as he watched the dangling rope swing back and fourth were the sound of his throbbing heart and the gentle plopping sounds of the swamp.

“Is it me or is it really hot?” Xavier says half laughing to try his best to cover his ultimate fear of heights.

“Hot are you insane? Have you somehow managed to miss the dampest in the air the sound of trickling water making you want to pee?”

“Hey don’t go peeing down my back.” Xavier says turning his head slightly but has to turn to face the drop once more because of the crick in his neck.

“Oh yes” Rabbit says continuing to rabbit away.

“This isn’t a cloud of steam we are stood in you know? It is in fact a cloud of mist now take a hold of that rope and swing across to the other ledge.”

“Well now that I think about it I have abit of a back ache….”

“XAVIER SKYWALKER are you a Jedi warrior or just a wannabe?” Rabbit says as she gives Xavier’s back a light pounding with her fists.

“I’M A JEDI WARRIOR” screams Xavier taking hold of the dangling rope and launches himself over to the other ledge, he does this all with his eyes shut tightly.

“Are we dead? Did we make it?”

“Xavier open your eyes before we walk into that tree.”

Xavier opens his eyes and falls to his knees in great, great relief, however his sense of achievement is short lived as he hears a cough from behind him.

“What do you think you are doing?”

“I’m tired I think I have done enough for today my young strange little rabbit girl.”

“Ah yes your right that’s an enough for today.” Rabbit says sounding serious Xavier had been expecting a much tougher fight than this.

“What seriously?”

“Yes I agree it’s an enough.”

“Ok cool I….”

“Enough of you acting like a total wuss, now get up I want you to cartwheel over that log there.”

“CARTWHEEL ME YOU MUST BE JOKING?” Xavier said sounding shocked from Rabbit’s request.

“Do I look like I am joking?”

“I don’t know Rabbit seeing as you are sitting on my back.”

“Seriously Xavier if you think swinging across ledges and a tiny little cartwheel is hard work. I fear that intense Jedi training is not for you.” Rabbit says shaking her head while making sure her pigtails slap at Xavier’s neck.

“Fine then but it’s your funeral” Xavier says as he flings himself most awkwardly over the log and lands in a heap on the other side. His eyes quickly scan the area in search of his little rabbit mentor.

“RABBIT WHERE ARE YOU? HELLO RABBIT”

Xavier turns as he hears choking spluttering sounds coming from a small swamp river. Dashing quickly over to it Xavier can just about see Rabbit’s head bobbing up and down above the slimy water with a disgusted look on his face and a vile smell sneaking it’s way up his nostrils, Xavier fishes Rabbit out of the murky water.

“You call that a cartwheel?”

“Well yeah, I, hey, Jezz”

“Enough of your babbling Blondie now get running.” Rabbit says having hopped back onto Xavier’s back.

“Where am I running too?”

“Over to that tree root I have come over very tried all of a sudden. It’s only a few miles away”

“Oh……..really…….it……has…..nothing…..to do……with…….that…….basket….of…….carrots?” Xavier says rather breathlessly.

“A basket of carrots? There never is, is there? What a pure confidence, you could share them with me, but then again I feel you should really go check that cave out.” Rabbit says as Xavier lows her to the tree root. Xavier throws his head and lets out a loud groan. He slowly lowers his head again to look at Rabbit who is busy munching on a carrot. Xavier looks round in total frustration letting another groan escape him as he catches sight of AprilD2.

“Don’t tell me you have been here all the time waiting for me to finish my long trek?” Xavier moans. AprilD2 lets out a series of beeps.

“You better not be laughing at me.”

“Oh stop moaning Blondie I gave your little droid here a short cut.” Rabbit explains rolling her eyes.

“WHAT SO WHILE YOU GOT ME TO RUNNING HERE THERE WAS A SHORT CUT WHATEVER IS INSIDE THIS CAVE I’M TO WORNED OUT TO FACE IT NOW.”

“I say he is abit bad tempered isn’t he? It wouldn’t of been much of a training session if I made it easy for you now would it? Plus I have told you I enjoy piggy backs.” Xavier and Rabbit just glared at each other for a time.

“Well are you going?” Rabbit asks.

“Where?” Xavier asks looking confused.

“In there” Rabbit says gesturing towards the cave with a carrot.

“I am still venting my anger towards you at the minute.” Xavier says glancing backwards.

Rabbit suddenly jumps up from her tree root and starts to viciously prod Xavier with her half eaten carrot. Xavier is somewhat stunned by the sudden strength in this little girl and stumbles backwards nearly tripping.

“GO, GO, GO, GO”

“Fine I’m going” Xavier says turning towards the entrance to the cave, sighing he enters.

“Oh Xavier you have got your lightsaber right?”

Xavier rolls his eyes as he mutters……

“Yes you annoying little Rabbit what are you my Mom?”

“What was that?”

“I SAID YES.”

“OK NO NEED TO SHOUT.”

Xavier waited until his eyes had adjusted to the darkness they seemed to do this quite quickly. He wasn’t sure if it was down to the carrots Rabbit had gave him to eat, or down to the red glow coming towards him. Xavier eased his way forward slowly, all of a sudden the red glow took a swish through the air missing Xavier’s head by a matter of inches. Xavier ducked and did a fancy roll away as another deadly blow came his way. Quickly and with great style and skill Xavier whipped out his blue glowing lightsaber.

“Go on try that again I dare you whoever you are.” Xavier paled as to his horror he could see who he was indeed facing off against.

“DARTH PALMER”

Darth Palmer delivered another deadly strike towards Xavier who somehow blocked his attack.

Darth Palmer tried his luck again but was once more blocked by Xavier.

“Your easy Palmer” Xavier laughed Darth Palmer annoyed Xavier’s comment and went in for another attack Xavier once again saw it coming as he used has lightsaber to blocked while he stamped down hard on one of Darth Palmer’s big black boots. Xavier was not too sure if Darth Palmer was in any pain as he hopped back holding his foot, with one quick motion Xavier did a fancy twirl not forgetting to make some ninja noises as he did so and took Darth Palmer’s head clean off.

Xavier let a loud cheer as he watched his head at his feet.

From outside Rabbit looked up to see Xavier running out the cave.

“HIS DEAD AND HE WAS EASY WHY WERE PEOPLE SOO SACRED OF HIM?” Xavier shouted out of his pure excitement.

Rabbit and AprilD2 chuckled well in AprilD2’s case let out a series of continuous beeping sounds.

“Who is dead Xavier?” Rabbit asks munching on a carrot.

“Darth Palmer”

“Is he? And do please tell why would he be in some random cave in the middle of a swamp?”

“I er I don’t know but his dead so….”

“Oh dear me hear that AprilD2? Our young Skywalker here has saved the entire galaxy from a hologram.” Rabbit and AprilD2 continued to chuckle.

“A hologram? No way it was him.” Xavier protested.

“Now come on Xavier you really think you could kill someone as pure evil as Darth Palmer? I mean you are yet to be trained as a Jedi master.”

“But what have I just done then in that cave over there?”

“You have just been pranked by one of my Jedi mind tricks. I made Darth Palmer appear to you that is all. Oh don’t look so beaten down Skywalker I used to play mind tricks like this on Obi-Miles all the time its just abit of fun Rabbit says grinning offering Xavier one of her many carrots to eat Xavier takes one and forcefully crunches down on it glaring at Rabbit as he does so

I say isn’t he a noisy eater Rabbit says

Dex3P0 chases after Romeo and Princess Indigo and Liambacca as they depart the Blaxlandinum Falcon.

“For the last time you silly golden droid I’m sure it was nothing.” Romeo said as Dex3P0 protested that he had seen someone following them.

“The Blaxlandinum’s scanners would of picked up on anyone following us Dex3PO.”

“Well I seen them Captain looked like they were surfing the skies more than flying them.”

“Oh really abit like we do in the awesome Blaxlandinum Falcon you mean?”

“Hardly in that rust bucket.” snorts the Princess.

“I would have you know that my ship is just awesome” Romeo says.

This last remark is meet with a bark of laughter.

“Indi stop laughing.”

“Its not me thank you very much.”

“No that would be me.”

Romeo turns towards the voice.

“Ah Sasha its good to see you.” Romeo says walking forwards holding his hand out.

“Eww you hands look nasty what is all that muck on them? Sasha says with a disgusted face.

“Just oil I swear I have been busy flying my….”

“Rust bucket yes I can see.” Sasha says.

Liambacca lets out a giggle.

“Oh Romeo why are you still hanging out with this big moth ball?”

“Hey Liambacca’s ok” Romeo says giving Liambacca a stroke.

“Yes he might be but his music sucks.”

“Well aren’t you just a delight?” Princess Indigo says stepping forwards.

“I am Princess Indigo.”

“Well don’t you think a lot of yourself?”

“How rude” Dex3PO mutters.

“No it is true Sash Indi is a real Princess.” Romeo says smiling over at Indi.

“Well come in if your coming I have many teenage drama’s to get through today.” Sasha says as she marches off Romeo and co just shrug and quickly follow her.

“Oh do come along Liambacca we are falling behind.” Dex3PO says panicking

Liambacca starts to howl his angry song.

“Oh do stop that singing please.” Dex3PO stops dead in his tracks as he spots another 3P0 model.

“Oh my what a friendly looking chap don’t you think Liambacca?”

But before Liambacca can stop his howling or even his so called singing.

The second 3PO model blows Dex3PO to kingdom come.

Liambacca lets out a moan as now he needs to remember the humpty dumpty song to fix Dex3P0.

“Here you can wait in here I just need to go and update my Facebook status” Sasha says.

“Oh is it that good that we are staying? Thanks Sasha I’m well chuffed.” Romeo says smiling.

“No its because of Justin Bieber.”

“Justin Bieber?” Princess Indigo asks.

“Yes he and his back up dancers are here to shoot a music video. Here come in a meet them.” Sasha opens the door to the room.

Romeo and the Princess’s eyes widen as the door opens to reveal Darth Palmer and a large number of Rivertroppers along with Minka Fett the bounty hunter she must have been the one Dex3PO had seen following them.

“Er Sasha this isn’t Justin Bieber” Romeo says aiming his gun at Darth Palmer.

“How can you tell? He has a nice black shiny helmet on and has changed his voice with techos.”

With one quick hand gesture Darth Palmer sends Romeo’s gun flying.

“That’s how” Romeo says.

“Clear you mind Xavier use the force if you have too.”

“My mind is clear.”

“Well can you tell who I am yet?”

“Rabbit this is stupid I mean I don’t even like the game Guess Who.”

“Don’t speak listen to the force.”

Xavier sighs as he enters deep into his thoughts, he is not sure why but he can sense danger.

“Who am I Xavier.”

Xavier’s eyes shoot open.

“Princess Indigo”

“Er no I’m not but that is very flattering try again.”

“Romeo Solo”

“Er Xavier they are real people and do not feature in the game of Guess Who.”

“No they are in danger I need to rescue them.”

“What are you talking about? You need to finish your Jedi training first.”

“No Rabbit I need to go now.”

“Well I can see I’m not going to be able to convince you Obi- Miles can you help me out please?”

Xavier is somewhat shocked to see his dead blue glowing mentor again.

“Yes Xavier you can’t go.” Obi- Miles says.

“I need to go through Miles. They are my friends plus the Princess is sooooo hot.”

“Xavier you can’t go I forbid it.” Obi- Miles says.

“I’m going” Xavier says getting up picking AprilD2 up and places her in his ship.

Rabbit and Obi- Miles watch on as Xavier and AprilD2 fly away.

“Oh Miles you were rubbish.”

“Well Rabbit what could I have done? I forbidden him to go.” Obi Miles said shrugging.

[JosieTash]

CHAPTER SEVEN !!!!!

On the planet of Swampy Bay ……

Obi-Miles ghost “Damn!!! This is sooooooooo uncool, man !!! That boy was our last hope.”

Rabbit “Talking about, what are you?”

Obi-Miles ghost “My new-ish ghostly self still isn’t quite hearing you right.”

Rabbit “Said I, talking about, what are you?”

Obi Miles “I know you think you're explaining yourself, but you’re really not.”

Rabbit “Our last hope young Skywalker is NOT. Your warnings to him about being BLONDE, remember.”

Obi Miles “Since when is Romeo Solo a Jedi, or would be Jedi.”

Rabbit “Sooooo lost your mind you have, old friend.”

Obi Miles “You try being totally hunky dory after getting sliced in two by a Sith Lord.”

Rabbit “Temporarily forgot that, I did.”

+++

Meanwhile in Cloudy Bay, Liambacca is in the dungeon - fixing the “slightly” in pieces Dex3PO ……..

Dex3PO [mega annoyed] “You idiot. Your repairing skills are even WORSE than your singing. My head’s on backwards, my legs are where my arms should be, and you’ve done something to my programming !!!!, cos I now I don’t have a thing for AprilD2 anymore. [kinda sexy voice] Yeah, I totally want to get together with YOU, you big sexy hairy beast.”

Limabacca responds ….by turning OFF Dex3PO all together!!!

Moments later, Romeo Solo and then Princess Indigo are thrown into the dungeon. Romeo looks more that a tad worse for wear …..

Princess Indigo “O M G !!! You look terrible, Romeo.”

Romeo Solo “THAT was TOTAL torture !!!!”

Princess Indigo “Deadly BIG needles?”

Romeo Solo “Worse.”

Princess Indigo “Electric shock??”

Romeo Solo “WORSE !!!””

Princess Indigo “What could it POSSIBLY be??”

Romeo Solo “TEN rom-com holo-movies BACK TO BACK !!!! The HORROR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Princess Indigo “Yeah well, I might not have a problem BEING action girl, but I HATE boysy action holo-movies !!!”

They are intrerupted when Sasha Calrissian enters the room. Although Romeo is still in the mindset to rip his OWN eyes out, he punches Sasha but gets beaten up for doing so [by Sasha’s guards, the Cloudy Bay police] …..

Sasha Calrissian “It’s sooooo not cool for you to hit a girl.”

Romeo Solo “There are days I just can’t tell, buddy.”

Princess Indigo “Stop fighting you two. Sasha, we GOTTA get outta here. Romeo & I will do ANYTHIG, within reason to get out of here. I sooooooo don’t want to die.”

Sasha Calrissian “Lord Palmer's not even after you two. He’s after a BIGGER fish.”

Romeo Solo “He wants to capture Harvey the Hutt???”

Sasha Calrissian “No !!! Hutt’s soooooo aren’t fishies, dude!!!”

Romeo Solo “Didn’t think you would take my literally."

Sasha Calrissian "Palmer’s after some dude called Skywalker!!!”

Princess Indigo “Oh no !!! He’s after Xavier!!! My FAVE blonde.”

Romeo Solo “But …you KISSED me. I thought that meant something.”

Princess Indigo “It did. I meant that your hair is more sandy than blonde, so you’re my fave sandy AND my TOTAL fave.”

Romeo Solo “Well, that’s OK then.”

Sasha Calrissian “Oh, and I have more bad news.”

+++

Soon after, our heroes are taken [in chains] to the Cloudy Bay carbon freeze room, where they are met by Lord Palmer, Mink Fett, many many River Troopers and lots of little creatures that looks like Oompa Loompas or Munchkins. Liambacca is carrying Dex3PO in like a backpack, but 3PO’s legs are still where his arms should be, although his head is the right way again …………..

Dex3PO “Turn around, you sexy beast, so I can see [Liambacca sings] Oooooooooooh, I LOOOVE your singing. I wish I was real, so we could make mad passionate LOOOOVE to each other. [Liambaccca sings ANGRILY at Dex3PO] Well, I’m just heartbroken now. We’d make a GREAT couple.”

Darth Palmer [VERY sternly] “Shut that droid up or I’ll DESTROY him with my surfboard. Now, let’s make Romeo Solo our guinea pig.”

Romeo Solo [shocked voice] “WHAT ???????”

Sasha Calrissian “You’re being put into carbon freeze.”

Mink Fett “He better survive. He’s worth a LOT to me ….and hey, why does my voice keep changing? 1st I was British, then a Kiwi, both times MALE mind you, and now I sound like a GIRL!!!! YAAAAAAAY !!!!!”

Darth Palmer “Enough with all this tomfoolery. Put Solo in. Young Skywalker is close, and I want this thing PERFECT when he arrives. Yeah, young Skywalker in carbon freeze will be the BEST millionth birthday pressie for Emporer Alfatine, my Master.”

The River Troopers get Romeo Solo to the centre of the carbon freeze room ……

Princess Indigo “I love you, my Romeo.”

Romeo Solo “I know.”

Romeo is then lowered into the freeze chamber ………and emerges like he’s been back on Winter Bay …..

Darth Palmer “Has he survived????”

Sasha Calrissian “Yes. He’s being kept in the carbon freeze by the illusion that he is in the VERY cold Erinsborough !!!!!”

Princess Indigo “Not THAT place. It’s evil. Worse than even being in Lord Palmer’s clutches !!!!!”

Darth Palmer “Really, Princess. You think you are better than me cos you’ve escaped from me sooooo many times but you soooooooooooo won’t this time. Sasha, personally take the Princess & the musician to my ship.”

Lord Palmer then laughs a VERY evil laugh, and Mink Fett joins in !!!!!! ….before Mink, with the frozen Romeo Solo, makes her way to her ship, Surf 1, and as she does so, she is spotted by the recently landed Xavier Skywalker & AprilD2 !!!! ………

[Miranda]

Chapter 8

As Xavier and AprilD2 left their ship, Darth Palmer and his guards surrounded them.

“What have you done with my friends?” demanded Xavier, extending his lightsabre.

“They are all dead,” sneered Palmer. “You are too late!”

AprilD2 beeped sadly, and fired a beam at Palmer, burning his ankles.

“You little droid!” He shouted, lifting her up into the air using the Force and spinning her round.

“Oi!” snapped Xavier. “I’m the main threat here! Put her down!” He slashed at Palmer with his father’s lightsabre, making the black cloaked one drop

AprilD2 and concentrate on his foe.

~~~~

Meanwhile, Sasha Calrissian and her loyal troops sneaked to where Indigo and the others were being held. It wasn’t hard to find them as Dex3PO was crooning love songs to Liambacca. The noise had made Palmer’s troops retreat from their cell with their hands over their ears.

Sasha and company soon beguiled the Rivertroopers by waving shiny coins in front of their eyes. From that point, it was easy to knock them out with one blow.

She walked into the cell to be confronted by Liambacca, who pushed Dex3PO away and roared at her.

“No, no! I’m here to set you free!” she shouted.

“Why should we trust you?” shouted Indigo, her eyes red from crying.

“Er… we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth?”

“What?” said everyone.

“Oops, sorry, wrong film. Palmer blackmailed me by threatening with HSC failure, but I can overlook that to save your boyfriend, Princess!”

“He’s not my- oh, I suppose he is-” she admitted.

Sasha freed the captives, then they all ran past the hypnotized Rivertroopers, along endless corridors, the lovesick Dex3PO still strapped to Liambacca’s broad, hairy, manly back and enjoying every minute of it.

“There’s the landing pad!” shouted Indigo, but they were too late. Mink Fett’s distinctive ship fired its thrusters and roared into hyperspace.

~~~~

Xavier Skywalker dueled with Palmer, crossing many types of floor space: linoleum, carpet, tiles, cobbles.

Eventually Xavier found himself in a strange cargo area with a huge hole in the middle of the floor, from which steam rose in spurts. The gangway around it was metal and sparks from the lightsabres flashed and hissed as they hit it.

“What do you want from me?” he roared, slashing at the black suited figure.

“My master demands your presence. I will freeze you and take you to him unless you agree to join the Empire!”

“I will never do that! I will fight on!”

“You are wasting your time. You are alone, the only rebel left!”

Xavier cocked his head on one side. He could hear voices, he was sure he wasn’t alone.

But while he was thinking, Palmer took advantage. Swiping at the blond, he knocked him into the steaming, hissing pit.

“Activate!” he boomed to no one in particular, as he didn’t need an assistant. The controls to the carbon freezer could be Force activated.

The mechanism shuddered, and Palmer peered down into it. Now his plan would be complete.

~~~~

As Indigo, Liambacca, Dex3PO and Sasha Calrissian stared after the departing ship, Rivertroopers, annoyed at being hypnotized, poured onto the landing pad.

“Quick, into the Falcon!” shouted Liambacca, but unfortunately only Dex3PO understood.

“For a quiet rendez vous, just the two of us?” he enquired.

“Quick, into the Falcon!” shouted Sasha, luckily for the Wookiee.

They rushed into the old ship.

“Activate hyperdrive!” shouted Sasha. Liambacca flung Dex3PO off his back into Indigo’s arms and jumped into the pilot seat.

“Come on baby, remember me?” Sasha pressed buttons, pulled levers and switched switches. The ship shuddered, then took off, moving swiftly away from Cloud City leaving the Rivertroopers cursing after them.

~~~~

“You thought that would fool me?” shouted Xavier from high up on the ceiling. Palmer, who had been peering into the carbon freezing pit, jumped and looked up. He hadn’t seen him shoot up out of there.

Raising his arms, he used the Force to dislodge young Skywalker from the beam he was clinging to, but Xavier righted himself and they began dueling again.

After passing over yet another selection of floorings: gravel, wooden decking, tarmac, grass, they found themselves at the central airshaft of Cloud City.

Xavier, exhausted, clung to the metal railings, his strength nearly gone. But he wouldn’t let this dark figure beat him, he wouldn’t!

“All your friends are dead, you might as well give up, mate,” said Palmer, hacking at him like a machine which wouldn’t ever stop. “You are alone, you stand for nothing. Give up.”

“Never!” shouted Xavier, grimacing with rage.

“Stupid boy!” roared Palmer. He sliced at him, so quickly that he cut off Xavier’s hand with the light sabre in. It fell down the air shaft, bouncing down off all the surfaces, the last reminder of Skywalker senior, Xavier’s much missed father.

“You killed my father! You’ll never kill me!” hissed Xavier, nursing the stump where his hand once was.

“No, I won’t. Leave the alliance, come and live a life of luxury in the Empire!”

“Never!” The wind whistled past his face but he wouldn’t give in.

“Okay. Let me give you some advice then. If a bigger boy at school hits you, hit him back twice as hard.”

“What?”

“Work hard and get all your exams and don’t be afraid to make mistakes, we all do.” Palmer stood in front of the puzzled Xavier, not attacking him.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“And of course, eat right. Plenty of fruit and veggies.”

“You’re insane!” shouted Xavier, preparing to throw himself off the balcony.

“For God’s sake!” snapped Palmer. “I can’t keep hinting! I am your father, Xavier!”

Young Skywalker paused, his mouth dropping open.

“No!!!!” he screamed.

“Come with me. We can rule the galaxy as father and son.” Palmer held his hand out in a typical Darthian gesture.

“Never!” Xavier yelled, and threw himself into the air duct.

He bounced down the vent from side to side, then finally came to rest on an aerial, the wind almost blowing him away. There was only one person he could rely on, he knew she wasn’t dead, whatever Palmer- his father? had told him. He sent forth a silent thought into the Force.

~~~~

On the Blaxlandium Falcon, Indigo sat up with a sharp intake of breath. She’d been reading her copy of the ‘Rebel Gazette’ aloud to Dex3PO to amuse him.

“Sasha!” she called. “We must turn back!”

“No! We must find where Romeo’s gone! I knew him before you did!”

Liambacca growled in Sasha’s face and she nearly swooned.

“You’re very big and hairy, aren’t you?” she simpered.

“Oi!” shouted Dex3PO. “He’s my boyfriend!”

“No he isn’t!”

“Girls, please!” shouted Indigo. She had better things to do than referee a bitch fight between a droid and the mayor of Cloud City. “We must turn back. I have a funny feeling Xavier needs us!”

“A funny feeling? Oh yes? He is quite pretty,” said Sasha, overwhelmed by strange female lust she must have been suppressing for years.

“Not THAT sort of feeling. Come on!”

“No! We’re going on to find Romeo.”

Liambacca growled fiercely and made as if to pull Sasha’s arm off.

“Okay, okay, I was only joking!”

The ship did a handbrake turn and resumed course for Cloud City.

~~~~

A few minutes later, the Falcon was hovering underneath him, everyone inside mystified how Indigo had known where to go. Xavier fell onto the ship and Sasha took him in through the escape hatch. Liambacca, Indigo and C3PO hugged the poor broken man.

A few minutes later, Sasha’s comlink beeped.

“Guys. I hate to interrupt the reunion but my chief tells me Palmer’s ship is heading straight for us.”

Weapon fire emphasized this point, and the Falcon set off at once, heading for a rebel frigate. Somehow AprilD2 had got aboard the ship and mended it while everything else was going on, and the hyperdrive worked perfectly.

~~~~

On the rebel frigate, Xavier was being fitted with an artificial hand, the droid testing the fingers with a needle til they worked. The Blaxlandium Falcon flew into the distance, with Sasha and Liambacca aboard.

“I hope they find him,” quavered Indigo.

“I hope my loved one is safe,” trilled Dex3PO. “Funny how no one noticed how camp I was in all the Star Wars films.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being camp,” said Xavier, putting his arm round Indigo. “Everyone’s different.”

“But he’s alone with that- that Calrissian person. Anything could happen.”

“Anyway!” shouted Indigo. “The point is, my boyfriend is frozen in carbonite and they have to find him or- or-” She looked at Xavier.

“Or the next episode can’t happen!”

Everyone gasped.

“How did you know where to find me anyway?” he asked her.

“Just a funny feeling I had. Like you were talking telepathically to me.”

“That’s odd. I was.”

“Anyone would think we were related.”

“I hope not,” said Xavier. “I’ve had enough unknown relatives revealing themselves today.” He bit his lip.

“What?” said everyone.

“Never mind. I’ll tell you next episode.”

THE END.

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