Confusion

[Zetti]

Thanks everyone Spent all day writing this but I really really do not like it so please be honest

Chapter Eleven

Heath breathed in and out steadily, it was Saturday and Bianca had arranged for him to come to her flat, it was familiar territory for the kids and it wouldn’t unsettle them as much as it would if they had come to his.

He stood outside the door, and waited a few moments, he gathered himself and then knocked on the door, which turned out, to be open, it had edged itself and he could see through the gap, there was a young girl with blonde long hair and curls at the side. He could hear Bianca so he called out. ‘Anyone here?’

‘Heath’ Bianca said, as she walked back into the room from the hallway ‘Sorry didn’t hear the door’

‘No problem, it was open so I thought I’d make you aware that I was here.’

‘That’s fine, come in’

‘Lola, come here’

‘Okay Mama’ she bundled herself towards Bianca and looked shyly at Heath who was in awe of how similar she looked to Bianca but she had his eyes, he could tell.

‘who this mama?’ she asked

‘Heath crouched down and smiled, ‘I am your daddy’

Lola scrunched up her face ‘ no I don’t know my daddy’

‘Lola’ Bianca said as she went down to her eye level ‘This is your dad’

‘Daddy?’ she said as her eyes widened, which tugged, on Heath’s heartstrings.

‘Max come here’ she said as she spotted him entering the room wondering what the fuss was all about

‘Mama?’

‘Come here’

Heath looked at him and smiled, he could see himself in Max, it was uncanny, the same face and eyes. Max had his eyes he thought in awe and then got slightly angry because he had missed so much of his life, so much and he couldn’t get it back.

‘Max, this is your daddy’

Max’s eyes widened as he took in the new piece of information that his mother had just given him, Heath couldn’t blame him as he took it in, he knew that the twins had to process the information and decided to sweeten the atmosphere by giving them with Bianca’s permission which he had gleamed from a nod of the hood, a box of chocolates.

Bianca gave them both one each and they smiled at Heath before walking off to find some toys that they had all over the place.

‘Want a coffee?’

‘No thanks’

‘Do you want anything or?’

‘I was hoping to be able to take them to the beach and have some sand fun?’

‘On your own?’ she asked nervously not knowing what his reaction was going to be, she had to admit, ever since he blew up at her and demanded marriage or full custody, she didn’t want to enrage him further.

‘No of course not, I have no intention of taking the children, and the marriage ultimatum’ he looked at Bianca who bit her bottom lip signifying her nervous state and sighed when he said ‘I was wrong but I do want regular access, I am not missing out on my kids lives anymore’

She nodded and then began to get the kids ready for a trip to the beach where she was sure that Heath would bond with the kids. Heath watched as Max and Lola paddle in the sea, he loved them instantly, they were two lively kids, he was surprised that Lola was more like him than Max was.

‘Uncanny resemblance’ Bianca noted as Heath looked at her.

‘What do you mean?’

Bianca smiled ‘Lola, she is the carbon copy of you’

Heath couldn’t help but smile back at her and nodded. Maybe he shouldn’t hate her but right now that was the only emotion he was willing to harbour towards her, anything else could go away.

**

Heath watched as Max and Lola paddle in the sea, it had been a good few weeks since he had met them and he loved them instantly, they were two lively kids, he was surprised that Lola was more like him than Max was.

‘Uncanny resemblance’ Bianca noted as Heath looked at her.

‘What do you mean?’

Bianca smiled ‘Lola, she is the carbon copy of you’

Heath couldn’t help but smile back at her, she had that glow of her, motherhood clearly suited her, but he couldn’t help but feel cheated out of their childhood. If he was brutally honest with himself, he was terrified that he would never get the closeness that she had with the kids.

Bianca noticed he was thinking, his forehead burrows slightly and she just knew that he was worried about something, she had missed talking to him. She knew that he would probably never forgive her for running out on him and hiding his kids from him.

‘Dada!’ Max squealed

Heath smiled and welcomed Max as he jumped on his stomach and laughed as Lola threw sand on him.

Bianca watched as Max and Lola decided to gang up on Heath and throw sand on him.

‘Stop it’ he laughed as he grabbed Max and began to tickle him whilst Bianca decided to join in and tickle Lola who couldn’t stop laughing. To anyone passing by it would look like they were a normal family who were spending time with their children but to all those who knew them, they would be painfully aware of how much strain there was but was masked because of the children.

Brax and Charlie watched on and smiled but Charlie said ‘Heath hasn’t forgiven her has he?’

‘No, but to be fair, she did have them for 4 years’

‘I am not justifying it but look at them, those kids love them both, the whole strain doesn’t help’ she noted and Brax had to agree.

He loved those kids, it was good to see them so happy and he loved spoiling them. Lola had to be the cheekiest 4 year old he had ever met. Deep down, he was not happy with Bianca for her actions but at the same time, Charlie was right, it had been 4 years. There comes a time when you have to let go of the pain and the heartache, don’t hold a grudge, just live your life. Essentially the children came first in this

He realised that Charlie was looking at him and he looked at the beach while Lola had spotted him and grinned at him. She whispered at her dad who smiled and nodded and then she ran up to Brax with a confused Max looking on.

He smiled and walked with Charlie who mirrored the same expression as Max did and wondered what the hell was going on.

‘Dada comes on!’

‘Alright missy’

She picked up the box from Heath’s hand and then looked at Brax grinning as she opened it and Charlie and Bianca’s mouths opened wide as Brax and Heath tried to stifle their laughs at their expressions.

‘Uncle!’ Lola demanded as her patience began to wane, she wanted him to ask her.

‘Charlie Buckton’ he said as Charlie stared at him. She didn’t know what to say, she knew what he was going to ask but she was in shock.

Lola stood next to him holding the small black box with a diamond solitaire ring inside coupled with a grinning Lola, it was enough to make Charlie beam at Brax as he asked ‘Will you marry me and make me the happiest man ever?’

Lola looked at Charlie secretly plotting to hit either of them if she didn’t get an answer straight away. Heath slowly plucked the ring out of Lola’s hands and gave it to Brax before pulling her away and letting Charlie answer.

Charlie smiled inanely. ‘Yes! Of course I will!’ which elicited a scream of joy from both Bianca and Lola who had ran to Charlie and hugged her pushing Brax out of the way who had intended on hugging and kissing Charlie.

‘Ah its beautiful’ Bianca said as she looked at the ring. ‘Wow’

‘Thank you’ she beamed yet again, she loved Brax and knew that she was going to be happy with him by her side but she watched Bianca play with Max and Lola and felt a pang of pain hit her, she wanted to talk to Ruby again.

She lost contact with her and it was about time she found her again, she deserved to know what had happened over the past 5 years and she wanted her daughter back in Summer Bay where she belonged.

**

The ring: http://www.diamondsfactory.co.uk/Products/...productid=59029

[Zetti]

Chapter Twelve

‘Are you ready for this?’ Ryan asked once he had parked the car in the surf club car park.

Ruby got out of the car and smiled, she was back in Summer Bay, it really was home for her and she was glad to be back.

‘Elsie… shhh’ Ryan said as she began to cry when Ryan got her out of the car and bent down to her level.

‘I want mummy’ she said as her lips quivered that tugged on Ruby’s heart. Elsie resembled Ruby smiled and opened her arms as Elsie ran into them.

Ryan put his arms around Ruby as she picked Elsie. She still couldn’t believe she had a 3-year-old daughter.

She amazed her everyday; it was amazing how quickly she had grown up. It only seemed like yesterday that she was changing her nappies and now she was walking around causing mischief, keeping her and Ryan on her toes.

‘Oh come here baby’ she opened her arms and Elsie ran into them. Ryan hugged Ruby and kissed Elsie’s head.

‘You ready?’ He was very aware that Ruby hadn’t answered his previous attempt at that question. He was very aware that she was terrified of being rejected again.

Summer Bay held a lot of memories, albeit some of those memories were positive but it always haunted her when she was pimped out.

It was a part of her life that she didn’t really want to revisit, and Summer Bay was a trigger.

She had told him that the thought of coming back scared the hell out of her when he asked about why she didn’t want to go back.

He had always known that she was hiding something, but he just didn’t know exactly what it was.

Something about Ruby made him feel protective, at first he assumed it was because his job led to him feeling like that but at the same time; he wanted to protect her anyways.

He noticed just how closed of she really was, it was clear that she kept holding onto something, but he didn’t know what it was.

He remembered when she had explained it all and watching her cry on the bed, just wanting to hold her and pummel the man who had hurt her so badly.

The one who had left with scars that she couldn’t get rid of but she amazed him. She pulled through and made something of herself.

She nodded but she didn’t feel ready but at the same time, she knew she had to; she needed to bridge the gap she had forged almost in iron over the past 6 years.

‘Yes, do you mind if it’s just me and my mum?’ Ryan smiled and took Elsie who had stretched her arms out towards him.

‘Of course not, you take as long as you need’ Ruby braced herself as she entered the doorway to Charlie’s place where she now lived with Brax.

‘Hello?’ she called out ‘Ruby?’ Charlie asked as she stared at her, for a few moments, she was sure that her eyes were deceiving her.

‘Hey mum’ she said sheepishly as Charlie stood there in shock taking in the sight of her daughter for the first time in 6 years.

**

‘Ryan, this is my mum Charlie, Charlie, Ryan, my husband’

He smiled at her and shook her hand albeit nervously but Charlie was more focused on the girl with the big blue eyes who had wrapped her arms around Ryan’s legs and was peeping out from the side wondering who she was.

‘So this is my granddaughter?’

Ryan picked her up and smiled ‘Elsie, this is your grandma’ ‘That makes me feel old’ Charlie said causing Ruby to chuckle. ‘You are far from old’ ‘He’s a charmer’ Charlie commented grinning at Ruby. ‘Hold onto him’

Elsie started playing with Charlie’s hair, twirling a lock of it around her finger and didn’t complain when Charlie picked her up. ‘She’s beautiful’ Charlie gushed as Elsie snuggled up to her and smiled at her with her blue eyes in turn making Charlie melt. She was so grateful to have her daughter back even if it meant that she had missed out on their wedding and the birth of her first grandchild.

**

April couldn’t believe her eyes, she saw Ruby in the diner with a small girl and another man, and he had dark hair and striking blue eyes.

It piqued her curiosity as to who it was. She was aware that Ruby had not stepped into Summer Bay for over 6 years.

She picked her phone up and scrolled down to Casey’s name.

‘Hey..’ he answered

He smiled even though April couldn’t see him, she knew he was smiling, it was one of those things that he always did, he couldn’t help it apparently, he had to smile. \\

‘Ruby is back’ and all of a sudden Casey’s smile vanished.

For a few moments, he thought he had heard wrong.

‘Ruby?’ he asked needing to be clear on what she was saying, he didn’t want to put his foot in it.

‘Yes’

‘When?’ he asked trying to sound like he didn’t care if she was back or not but he did, he cared too much about the fact that she was still around and in his heart.

‘No idea, only just seen her on the beach with a young toddler and another man’

Casey didn’t respond straightaway, he just took it in and tried not to give away how he felt, though truth be told, he didn’t know what to feel.

He loved her and in a way he still did love her, he just didn’t know what else to do about it.

‘Case?’

‘Sorry’ he replied quickly answering April’s silent question as to whether he was thinking of Ruby.

‘Its fine’

‘Want to meet up?’ Case asked

‘Yes’ she smiled

‘Surf club?’ he suggested

‘Yeah, where are you now?’

‘At home, can be there in 20 mins’

‘See you then’

**

[Zetti]

Chapter Thirteen

The world changes everyday. People die, new babies are born. Businesses open and other business close down.

The world changes every split second. You cannot change the facts of life. You just accept it.

There were some times when you had to encounter awkward situations and other times when you don’t.

Casey spotted Ruby ahead and knew without a shadow of a doubt, that this was going to be so very awkward for the both of them.

‘Ruby?’

She turned to see Casey approaching her, she breathed in and plastered a smile on her face.

‘Case’

‘How are you?’ he asked determined to be nice to her, there was no reason he needed to be spiteful or mean towards her.

The past was the past, and as far as he was concerned, that is where it was going to stay.

He had to admit, it was hard to see her, he could smell her perfume and it brought back a lot of memories, which made him feel very uncomfortable.

Ruby smiled ‘I am good, just visiting Charlie’

‘Wow. Its been a long time now…about 6 years right?’ he enquired smiling at her which just made Ruby feel even more uncomfortable. He shouldn’t be nice to her, she thought miserably, he should hate me, I left and I never bothered to keep in contact.

‘About that yeah’ she responded not really sure what else she could say to him.

‘Ruby, it is a bit awkward’ he said knowing that if they didn’t get this out in the open then it wouldn’t help either of them move on and he wanted to move on

She nodded in agreement as Casey continued with a bit of a grim look on his face. ‘I cant pretend you didn’t hurt me because you did but at the same time I need to move on’

‘So what do you want to do?’

‘We need to find the time to sit and talk’ he replied as he saw April approaching. He knew he was doing nothing wrong but he was aware that April definitely wouldn’t see it that way.

‘Now?’ she suggested

‘I cant, April is here, I have to go’

Ruby looked perplexed, and then Casey realised ‘April is my girlfriend, for 2 years now’

‘Congratulations’ Ruby responded automatically in a bid not to make it strained between them but she did feel a pang of jealously.

Can it, brain, I am married with a daughter and I am perfectly happy.

‘Thanks, I better go, but we do need to talk’

‘Sure, am staying with Charlie for the rest of the week so anytime you want to pop by, let me know’

Casey nodded as he went to head April off who had spotted Ruby.

She knew that she shouldn’t be jealous especially since Casey was dating her but she couldn’t help it, Ruby has encompassed a large part of his heart.

A large part that she was sure that she would never inhabit and that hurt.

‘So that was Ruby?’

‘Yep’ he said bluntly making it completely clear that he had no intention of taking the conversation any further.

‘Lets get some food’ she suggested & Casey pulled her towards him and placed his arm around her as they made their way to the diner.

He resolved to make sure that April knew just how much he loved her, he really did and she was his, he was not going anywhere.

**

Bianca watched Heath put the children to bed; he had been a regular fixture at bedtimes and breakfast times.

Every time the children smiled at him, she felt a pang of guilt. The kids had deserved their father as they grew up, started to crawl, and saying the first words, taking their first steps and so many other poignant moments that he should have been around for.

‘Night Mama’ Max yawned as he turned his gaze onto her as his eyes flickered. Lola had already fallen asleep in the adjacent bed.

‘Night Max, sweet dreams’

Max smiled a lazy grin before closing his eyes and falling asleep. Heath stood up. ‘I better go, see you in the morning’

Bianca said ‘You don’t have to go yet, want a drink?’

Heath was taken aback, most days she wanted to push him out of the door so fast that he hardly got the chance to get his jacket.

‘Sure’ came his automatic response. He had nowhere else to be apart from his flat and drinking alone.

She went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Heath admired her, he was a man, he noticed her curves, her long hair which was at times wavy.

Stop it he berated himself, Don’t go there, not going to there. It wont help.

‘You okay?’ she asked as she handed him a bottle of beer.

‘Yeah just got a lot on at work’

‘How is it going?’ she asked as she plodded her way into the lounge. He just couldn’t help but admire her.

‘Sit’ she said when she noticed him leaning against the doorframe looking wistfully at her

‘Why did you want me to stay?’ he asked knowing that there had to be a reason.

‘I wanted to spent time with you’ she stood up and placed her bottle on the table, She walked over to him. ‘I know you resent the fact that I didn’t tell you about the children’

Heath frowned ‘Go on’

‘I cant bring it back, cant turn back time but I do want you to be a permanent fixture’

‘I am permanent already’ he pointed out ready to argue with her so he placed his bottle down on the cabinet next to the kitchen door.

‘I know but I want more’ she said causing Heath to blink and pause in shock. Before he had the chance to get his words out, she had kissed him.

He could feel her softness melting into his arms and he reacted to her kiss, he pulled her closer and kissed her back with all his might. She smiled against his lips which in turn made him smile as well.

They separated slightly breathless. Heath was the first to get his breath back. ‘What did that mean?’

‘I want you back in my life’

Heath moved away and placed his hands on the back of his head, he didn’t quite know how to take that.

‘How? Dating?’

‘Move in with me’ she said with a serious expression, she meant it. She needed him in her life, and the kids would love it.

‘Hold on, why? Why now?’

‘I fell for you then and I want you in my life, not just for the kids but because I love you’

‘Wow. I didn’t realise you felt that way’

‘So?’

‘Okay’ Heath said as he pulled her into his arms, Bianca was a little disheartened, she wanted him to say the words back but she would wait, for Heath, she would wait forever.

**

[Zetti]

Thankyou all for the comments, I love them and I hope you all enjoy this chapter

Chapter Fourteen

Ruby loved beach. It was peaceful, perfect and she had missed it so much. She wanted a permanent move back here. She needed her home again.

‘Penny for them?’ she heard

She looked up and saw Casey stood up next to her. She smiled at him ‘Just contemplating moving back’

‘Really?’ he asked as he sat down next to her brushing off sand from the front of his shorts.

‘Yeh, I just am not sure’ she confided, for some reason she felt comfortable talking to Casey. She had spent a while dating him.

Whilst it was true that she had a number of relationships, to date, she had regretted a lot of them but she didn’t regret being with Casey, she couldn’t.

He made her feel safe, in a way he still did but she was content with Ryan.

Ryan had opened her up, given her life back, given her happiness back to her. He still had a few demons he needed to get rid of but he would talk to her when he was ready.

They had been together for about 5 years and there was still so much that she didn’t know about him.

‘Thinking again?’

She chuckled ‘Yeah’

‘Want to talk about it?’

‘Not really, its not something that is a big deal’

Casey smiled in a bid to reassure her, he knew there was something playing on her mind but he didn’t want to pry, he had no right, she was married, it was that simple.

‘So how is your daughter?’

‘She’s good with Charlie today, they are so close now’ she gushed as she thought of them bonding and getting on.

‘Elsie is it?’

‘Yeah, after my mum’

‘Mum?’

‘I call her mum, just because she isn’t my actual biological mother, doesn’t mean she isn’t my mum’

‘Fair enough’ he responded not quite sure if he’d offended her but she smiled at him and he was reassured

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so blunt, it’s just a touchy area for me personally’

Casey agreed ‘I know what you mean. I better go’

‘April?’ she asked not quite why but she asked anyways

‘No, Xavier’

‘How is he?’

‘No one told you have they?’

She frowned ‘Told me what?’

‘He’s in hospital’

She froze in shock and once she had recovered. Casey told her ‘He had cancer, and he beat it but now it’s back with a vengeance’

‘Is he going to be okay?’

‘He’s got a few days left’ he gently said trying not to make Ruby even more upset than she already was, that wouldn’t help the situation.

Ruby couldn’t believe what she was hearing, she was still in shock that she was losing one of her friends, she needed to know Xavier was going to be alright but he wasn’t going to be.

‘Can I come with you?’ she found herself asking

‘Of course you can’

At the hospital

‘Ruby’ he croaked as he saw her approach him. The nurse told her that he was slipping away, they didn’t have high hopes of him surviving the night.

‘Xavier’ she choked holding back tears. It was so hard to see him so weak and alone, it hurt her heart.

Casey stroked her arm as a way to offer her comfort. She took it, she needed it.

‘I am so sorry, I left and I never came back’ she sobbed as she sat on the bed taking Xavier’s hand in his

Xavier smiled weakly. ‘I am okay, its been coming, I knew it was going to come eventually, don’t cry..’ he coughed and Gina gripped his hand to let him know that she was there.

Ruby sniffed as he carried on ‘I know it’s the end, it is life, I cant stay, its my time to go, my time to die.’

She breathed in ‘I will miss you’

He nodded and smiled ‘I know, but don’t dwell, I want you to live your life, be happy for me. I am going to a place where there is no pain, nothing to hurt me.’

She nodded. ‘A better place’

He nodded and agreed.

Xavier closed his eyes and Ruby just knew that he was slipping away, Gina was sat next to him and she was in tears. Ruby leant over and kissed his forehead ‘You will be so missed, you are special, watch over us, now you aren’t in any pain, you are free’

Gina looked at Ruby and then Ruby hugged her as they cried their tears out. Whilst they were crying out their tears, she felt Xavier's hand slump and she knew that he had gone.

Gone.

**

‘You went to the hospital’ April said

‘Yes I did, why?’

‘With Ruby?’

Casey sighed, it was back to Ruby again, he was sick of having to justify himself when it came to Ruby.

‘Yes with Ruby, we had mad passionate sex’

April glared at him as he rolled his eyes and he said ‘How many times do I have to have this conversation with you?’

‘I just asked a question’

‘I am not saying this again so listen, I am not in love with Ruby. I don’t want her, I am not interested in a relationship with her’

April sighed as he walked away from her and left her room. She knew that she was being clingy but she was scared, she loved him and love makes you irrational things sometimes.

She instantly made a decision, she was not going to let that woman break her relationship up. Casey was hers and that was not going to change. Ruby was not going to get near her man, she promised herself.

Never.

**

[Zetti]

Warning: Mild Sexual Content

Chapter Fifteen

April was a realist.

She knew there were some things that she couldn’t control but it didn’t stop her yearning to be able to try and change it.

She just couldn’t ignore that inkling that Ruby wanted Casey.

Casey was trying to persuade her that it was all in her head but she just couldn’t rid herself of that nagging doubt that poisoned her mind.

A parasite sucking out the last remnants of sanity in her brain.

Somehow April was aware that her actions were far from normal but at the same time, she didn’t want to stop.

In fact it was not the mere fact that she wanted to stop. It was more like she didn’t know how to stop.

It was like some invisible hand was winding her up and driving her to somehow eliminate Ruby from Casey’s life.

Though she knew that Ruby was married with a daughter, it didn’t stop the voice telling her that she had to do it.

‘April. Tea is made’ she heard Irene say through the door.

She loved Irene. Irene had a big heart; she was generous and had a way to make you see what you needed to do with very few words and actions.

‘Coming Irene’ she said as she put her books to one side, pushed the bedcovers to one side and swung her legs over.

She put her flats on, checked her face in the mirror and then made her way into the lounge.

Irene had already set the table and April smiled. ‘Hungry?’

‘yes, what is made?’

‘Pasta, garlic bread and potato wedges, sound okay?’

‘Ooh’ she said ‘sounds fantastic’

‘Dig in then darl’ Irene beamed back at her.

Again April absolutely adored Irene. She was a role model for her; she was everything she wanted to be, strong and independent.

Despite all the hardships Irene had faced, she always managed to pull through it and get to the place she was.

She had inner strength and April admired it, she wanted that for herself but she also acknowledged that it is rare you can be that strong until you have to be.

All the hard times Irene had endured meant that she had essentially been moulded into who she was and April loved her all the more for it.

‘Don’t you like it?’ Irene asked penetrating her thoughts

‘Sorry, just thinking, of course I like it’ she said as she took another bite of the garlic bread.

Her thoughts drifted again as she finished her food, Irene waved away her offer to wash up citing that April needed to study, she gave Irene a smile and left to go to her room.

She got under her covers and crossed her legs, she peered at the window reminiscing.

Casey used to climb through it at night whilst she was asleep and crawl in next to her.

Most mornings she would wake up and whilst he was never there, there would a whiff of his aftershave on the pillow.

She would move her head closer to the smell and hug the pillow to her; it was one of her favourite things to do. She smiled at the memory of it and as if by magic, Casey climbed in.

‘Case?’

‘Can I?’ he gestured to the bed and the slightly upturned covers. She nodded and he got under the covers next to her.

‘You okay’ she asked getting a sickening feeling that something was going to happen.

‘I am okay just struggling’ he confided

‘Struggling with what?’

‘Xavier, its just hard to believe he’s gone’

April looked into his eyes, how could she have not noticed, the edge of his eyes had darkened.

He was someone who was struggling so much and she had been too wrapped in her own thoughts to see that. She resolved to be there for him much more.

The signs were there.

She should have noticed. She berated herself, Casey lay down and pulled the covers over him, it was only 8pm but he was worn out, his body had just decided enough was enough.

‘Can I just sleep here?’ he asked as he turned his head around to see her face

‘Of course’ she said as she moved her books off her bed and onto her dresser. ‘I am gonna go and get ready for bed, you sleep, be back in a while’

Casey smiled sleepily and he lifted himself up to kiss her making April smile. Maybe she didn’t have to fight for him, it was her bed he was in. He would wake up next to her.

**

‘Have you mentioned this to your mother?’ Ryan asked as he lay in the bed next to Ruby.

‘No.. I wanted to confirm it first’

‘Are you happy with it?’ he asked as he moved her hair from her face and kissed her cheek before she moved her head and kissed him.

‘Yes, I want this, do you?’

‘Of course’ he smiled as he kissed her again whilst getting on top of her slowly putting his hand up her top and easing it off.

She made a half hearted protest ‘Elsie will wake up’

Ryan grinned ‘Its 4am, she never gets up’

She just fluttered her eyelashes and bit her lower lip, which caused Ryan to swear at her as he pushed her further into the mattress and kissed her, as they rolled over hoping that Elsie wouldn’t interrupt them but the phone rang and Ryan groaned as Ruby pushed him off her so she could answer it

‘Who is it?’ he asked as she got up and looked at the screen

‘Unknown’

Ryan frowned and plucked the phone out from her hands. ‘Who could it be?’

‘Dunno’ she said as she got back in bed and pulled him to her ‘But forget that, lets get back to it’ she said with a grin as he kissed her again’

**

[Zetti]

Chapter Sixteen

‘She can never know’ Ryan insisted as he paced the room. He knew that when he had met that she was going to make a big impact on her life but he never expected to fall for her and have a baby with her. A ready made family. He had never had a family as a child.

‘Okay, I get it but you have to get out of there, she will find out, she is not a dumb person’ the voice responded as they tried to calm Ryan down.

‘I can’t’

‘Because?’ they asked not sure why he was so hesitant to leave her

‘Elsie’

That alone made it impossible for Ryan to leave, he shouldn’t have let himself get in so deep, he never intended for Ruby to fall for him and for him to fall for her.

‘Take her with you’

‘No’ came his blunt reply

‘No?’

‘Elsie needs her mum and I’d be ripping Ruby’s heart out if I took her with me, it isn’t fair’

‘Make a decision because Grant is coming after you, and you cannot escape’ the voice of doom resonated in his ears.

‘What if I take them with me?’ he asked but knowing that he’d never be able to do that just because it would just cause too much pain for her. He never wanted her to have to give up her family, not when she had only just reconnected with them.

‘You know the answer to that, it has to be your choice’ the voice reasoned calmly and subjected him to a look that reemphasised the simple fact that time was indeed running out for him.

‘Fine.’ Ryan conceded ‘Lets do it’

Ryan packed his bag and headed out the backdoor. He contemplated writing a note but it would hurt him too much to be finalising in words his goodbye.

No, its easier if I leave, she can hate me for hurting her, better than losing her or her dying, I have to protect them in any way that I can. I have to.

‘Ryan’

‘Lets go’ he replied taking one last look at the house before turning away and walking away

A few hours later…

‘He’s gone?’ Charlie asked needed clarification, she had no idea what Ruby was saying but all she knew was that her daughter was in tears and it broke her heart to see it.

‘Yes, all his things are gone, he’s vanished’

‘But why?’

‘I don’t know’

‘You had a fight?’ she asked

Ruby shook her head ‘We had a long talk yesterday about our future, and I was going to tell him my news today’

‘News?’

‘Yes’

‘Which is?’ Charlie pressed after a few moments of silence

‘He’s going to be a dad again’ she said as the words got caught in her throat. She needed him; she couldn’t do it on her own.

‘Oh Ruby’ Charlie pulled her daughter into her arms and stroked her hair. ‘It will be okay’

‘How can it be okay?’

‘It will, Ryan loves you so much, he wont be gone long’

**

‘So does she know the truth?’

‘No’ he said simply

‘Tell her’

‘No’

Grant snarled. ‘Tell her the truth’

‘No, she is a hell of a woman, she’s special, and she’s the mother of my child’

‘She is my daughter’

‘You pimped her out!’ Ryan growled at him ‘You sent her to my bed expecting me to take advantage of her. She was 18!’

‘She will understand when I tell her who you are’

‘Go ahead, tell her’

‘Fine’

Grant picked up his phone and rang Ruby. He placed it on speakerphone.

‘Ruby’

‘What do you want?’

‘I have something to tell you’

‘I am not interested’ she spat out with contempt

‘You will. Its your husband’

‘What about him?’

‘He’s not a police officer’

Ruby froze. ‘What?’

‘Yes, you heard, your precious husband is not who you think he is’

‘I have no idea what you are talking about’

‘He is my right hand man, or at least he was. He married you so I would keep my eye on you’

Ryan’s heart broke when he heard her sobs through the phone. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry but he couldn’t and he hated himself.

**

So Steve.. that is Ryan's secret.. like it?

[Zetti]

Chapter Seventeen

The beach just after the sunrise was a stunning sight, the horizon enveloped with an orange glow sparkling against the water. The hustle and bustle of people starting their days, going surfing or for a run to wake themselves up, all in all life was changing.

‘I need to talk to you’ Casey heard from behind him. He turned around to spot a tall man who he had never seen in his life before.

‘Who are you?’ Casey asked curiously

‘That is not important right now, I need to know where Ruby Buckton lives’

‘Why?’ Casey asked defensively, there was something about him that made him feel defenseless. It was an eerie feeling and he was not sure that he completely liked the feeling at all.

‘I need to know’ he repeated but his tone of voice took Casey by surprise, he had expected it to be vindictive but it came across as a worried and scared tone

‘What is it?’

‘I need to know where she is’

Casey spotted Ruby across the beach, she looked lost and he knew that she probably was not in the right frame of mind to talk to anyone let alone someone he didn’t even know or trust either.

‘Sorry mate, cant help’ he said instantly deciding that he wasn’t going to let him find out anything about her, at least not from him.

‘Fine’ the man responded sighing ‘If you do see her, tell her John needs to talk to her’

‘John?’

‘Yes, John, she will know who I am’

John looked at him and then walked away sighing to himself. He picked his phone up and scrolled down. He dialled the name he had reached ‘I cant find her, the address you gave me is empty and there is no sign of her, I am still looking but I am running out of options’

‘You have to find her, if Grant gets near her, she will be in grave danger’

‘I am aware of that, how are you now?’

‘I am fine, Grant cant do anything to me because he knows I have too much on him’

John was confused yet again and asked ‘If you have too much on him then use it? Or is that not an option?’

‘He can use Ruby and Elsie against me, so I need them safe and then I will do everything in my power to bring him down’

John sighed ‘Bro, are you sure this is a good idea?’

‘John, you know me I have tried so hard to pull away from this life and he sucks me back in, until he is gone, I have to’

‘Fine, I will keep looking.’

‘Thank you, keep me updated’

‘Done’

**

Heath watched as Bianca and Ruby played with Lola and Elsie on the beach, Max had planted himself on his legs and was content with playing his beach ball.

‘Don’t you want to go and play with Lola and Mama?’ Heath asked him as he ruffled his hair.

‘No Dada, I want to stays with you’

‘Why?’ he asked

‘I don’t want you to go anywhere’

Heath pulled Max onto his lap and looked him in the eyes. ‘What makes you think I am going anywhere’

‘You saided it’

Heath frowned and Max carried on ‘You said to Mama, you are going away and you don’t know when you will come back’

‘Ah, yes, I have to go away for a few days but I promise I will come back, I love you and your sister’

‘What about mum?’ Max asked but Heath dodged the question by tickling him causing Max to bellow out with laughter.

‘Come on little man, lets go and get ice cream’

‘Yayyyy!’ Max jumped up and down as Heath picked himself and then chased Max over to where Bianca and Lola were with Ruby.

Ruby had started to spend a lot more time with Bianca and her kids, it was a chance to let Elsie be a kid without excess baggage.

She just felt numb all the time, and she hated it, it was hard to work at not feeling anything, but what was the alternative? To break down? To have nothing left but tears and pain?

No, feeling numb was better, it had to be, she couldn’t afford to break down, it was not fair on anyone if she broke down.

‘Right I promised Maxy ice cream, so come on Lola, Elsie?’ he asked directing the question at Ruby who smiled.

‘Go on then’

‘Bee, you coming?’

‘In a mo, I want to talk to Ruby’

‘Sure, come on then kids, lets go and get some ice cream’

‘What is it?’ Ruby asked once Heath had taken the children out of earshot.

‘Spill.’

Ruby feigned a confused look but when Bianca raised her eyebrows and sat down bringing Ruby with her, she looked at her and sighed ‘I miss Ryan, I know I shouldn’t but I do.’

‘Of course you do, you are married to him. You have a child with him. I would be worried if you didn’t miss him’

‘What do I do?’

‘Grieve, and then move the f*ck on, he doesn’t deserve you, he is a slimeball and you deserve the best in life’

‘What if all I want is him?’

Bianca gave her a pointed look ‘Do you really believe that he is the only one for you?’’

‘No, but he’s Elsie’s father, she loves him’

‘Ruby, listen. Love is not simple. Love is a rollercoaster, you take the good times with the bad but you never forget that you are entitled to love’

‘I know its not wrong to love him but on one level I don’t want to love him and yet on another level I really do want to love him, honestly it confuses me’

‘It will confuse you, but you have to find a way’

‘Why? Its easier not to’

‘No it isnt’ Bianca said gently ‘it might seem easier, but trust me, the more you bottle up, the harder it gets’

‘So I have to face it’

‘Face it, deal with it and move on’

Ruby sighed as she nodded signaling to Bianca that she got what she needed to do but there was a big difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it.

**

[Zetti]

Chapter Eighteen

‘I will be back in a few days’ Heath promised as he hugged Bianca as they stood next to his car.

‘I know’ she reasoned ‘Just going to miss you’

‘And I will miss you too Miss Scott’

‘Go, otherwise you will get caught up in traffic’

Heath got into the car and started the ignition; he rolled down the window and accepted a kiss off Bianca before driving off. He heard Bianca say ‘I love you’ but he pretended not to have heard it.

How was he supposed to tell her that he loved her too? After his last serious relationship love was never on his agenda, how could it be? He had to focus on his two gorgeous kids, the essence of his life. Without his kids he had nothing at all.

Money is all well and good but without his family he honestly couldn’t survive, which is why he was doing this. A few days to sort the next chapter of their lives, he just hoped that Bianca saw it in the same way that he did. He only had their best interests at hearts; it had always been for them.

Bianca watched as he drove away, she uttered the three words that she truly believed he was capable of feeling but he always kept it buried. No one would reveal just why he was so closed off to love. She loved him, loved him to the point where it physically hurt for her to say I love you and get no emotional or even physical acknowledgement of that. He will happily say it to the children and she was glad that he was able to show that love to his kids, it showed just how far he had come from the first time he had met Max and Lola.

She had to admit that she resented that; she wanted that love for the kids for herself as well, was she really asking for a lot? She heard the kids throwing their toys around and sighed, the day had begun and she had to focus on the kids. Worrying about declarations of love would have to wait till she had more time to worry. For now and till the end of the world.

Heath parked and looked across at the house, he held the keys to the place. For the first time in years he actually owned a house. His house where he wanted his family to grow in. He was very aware of the pain that Bianca went through because of his struggle to say the three words. It was not that he didn’t feel it because he did. He would not be able to love his kids without loving the woman who brought them into the world.

Everyone knew that the beginning that he did harbor some resentments towards her for hiding their existence from her. He had moved on and in fact he had forgiven her. He was going to ask her to make their relationship permanent. His hand slipped into his trouser pocket and he opened a small box.

In the box nestled a small silver ring, with a small diamond encrusted in the middle with the silver wrapped subtly around it. Picturing Bianca wearing it was enough to make him smile and know that he was onto a good thing, there was nothing more he wanted than to make his family more committed to each other.

**

‘Did he say when he was coming back?’ Charlie asked that night as she sat on the couch next to Bianca.

‘Tomorrow, he wasn’t clear exactly but that is what he said’

‘Why are you so worried?’

‘I just feel like he does not want to be here, like the kids are all he wants’

‘He loves them’ Charlie agreed ‘but he wouldn’t be in a relationship with you just for the kids, he wouldn’t’

‘How can you know that Charlie? How is it that he can say to our kids that he loves them and yet he cant say it to me’

‘Cant or wont?’ Charlie asked and Bianca looked at her.

‘You think he can’t say it?’

Charlie sighed ‘It is not for me to say if he can’t or wont but I do think he loves you’

Bianca sighed and refilled her wine glass. ‘Stupid man, I wish he would just say it, I hate not knowing how he feels, tiptoeing around him’

‘I never asked you to do that’ Bianca heard making her jump and she turned to see Heath stood at the kitchen door.

‘When did you get here?’

‘Not that long ago’

Charlie looked at Heath and he gave that imperceptible nod that everything had gone as he had expected it to. She smiled to herself and excused herself. She gave Heath a look as if to say ‘Don’t punish her, just tell her how you feel, she loves you too much’

‘I better go’ she said ‘Brax will be wondering where I am’

Heath stopped her ‘Tell Brax I wont be at the restaurant tomorrow’

‘I will do’ she said smiling to herself. She didn’t think that she would see either of them for a few days; in fact she was pretty sure that she would end up babysitting Max and Lola.

‘Why wont you be at the restaurant?’ Bianca asked as she looked between her boyfriend and her best friend, she couldn’t work out what that look between them meant but the silence from them both spoke volumes.

She knew that something was going on, there had to be, why else was there secret looks between them both?

She wanted to know what was going on but she had to accept that there was something that she wouldn’t know about her partner.

She resolved to end it, she couldn’t be in a relationship where she could not trust or know if her partner was telling her everything.

If she was brutally honest with herself, that scared her. Really scared her.

**

[Zetti]

Warning: Use of Swearing

Chapter Nineteen

Charlie left the room Bianca looked suitably guilty as she looked at Heath. ‘I am sorry I was not gossiping, I swear, I just needed to talk’

‘To Charlie’ he asked ‘Why not talk to me?’

‘I didn’t know how, in case you didn’t realize, you rarely talk about how you feel’

Heath knew she was telling him the truth. He didn’t talk about his feelings, it was not because he was a man and men aren’t stereotypically known to broadcast their feelings even to their other half.

‘Even so, why Charlie?’ he asked

‘Who else can I talk to? She is my best friend’

Heath sighed as he took his jacket off and threw it onto the sofa. ‘Sit down, I need to talk to you’

‘Sounds ominous’ she said as she sat on the sofa putting her legs bent under her on the sofa pulling the cushion towards her for some sort of comfort.

‘I went to see a house today’ he said as he leant against the doorframe.

‘A house?’

‘For the kids to grow up in’ choosing his words carefully to gauge Bianca’s reaction.

‘For the kids?’

‘For them’ he confirmed

‘Where is this house?’

‘About 45 minutes away’

‘What is it like?’

‘4 bedrooms, a big garden, and the rest of the rooms are pretty damn big’ he said with a smile but Bianca felt uneasy. Where did she fit in? He had not once mentioned her in his plan to move.

‘Sounds perfect for the kids’

‘Yes it is, the kids will love it but forget that for a second. I need to ask you something’

Bianca felt the dread re enter her stomach; she couldn’t help but blink a few times to hold back the tears. To her surprise he went down on one knee.

‘Bianca Scott, you drive me crazy, probably the blonde hair and you are so bloody feisty but I can’t imagine my life without you in it, which is why I want to know.’ He paused and looked her in the eyes, which were brimming with love, and for the first time in Bianca didn’t even know how long, she felt special and cared for.

‘Will you make me the happiest man ever by pledging your life and heart to me? Will you marry me Miss Scott?’

Bianca gasped as she saw the ring glisten but for that moment in time, she didn’t care about the ring, she was looking into the eyes of a man who loved her. She couldn’t rid herself of a doubt that he may never be able to utter the words to her.

‘Bianca?’ he asked shaking her out of her mind

‘Yes Heath, I will marry you’

In Bianca’s mind, her justification for marrying someone who couldn’t tell her if he loved her or not was because of the children but she knew deep down that despite his failure to tell her the depth of his feeling, she loved him. She had never ever expected herself to fall for him but she had.

Heath grinned and jumped onto the sofa, hastily placed the ring on her fingers and kissed her.

Max and Lola crept on top of the stairs, they had awoken from loud noises and whilst they were rubbing their eyes and wanting a hug from their parents, they trudged back to their rooms where they both got into Max’s bed cuddling to their teddies.

Bianca and Heath saw their door open when they came up the stairs not that long after they had committed themselves to a life together.

They saw Max with his hand on top of the blanket placed on Lola’s waist and their hands were entwined.

‘That’s adorable’ Heath noted as he picked Lola up and placed her in her own bed, the beds were too small and neither of them wanted one of them to fall off the bed.

Heath’s phone rang and he picked it up. His expression changed instantly and Bianca frowned.

She was curious but he said ‘Go to bed, I need to deal with this’

‘Sure’ she said resigned to the fact that he was not going to tell her what the phone call was about.

‘You need to stop calling me.’ Heath hissed once he was sure that Bianca had gone to bed. He made his way down the steps and into the kitchen.

‘Heath, you cant expect me to agree to this’

‘Because?’

‘I will not do this’ she said ignoring his question.

‘Oh you will’

‘How do you figure?’

‘You know the secret you thought you had hid from me? In Melbourne?’

‘You wouldn’t’

‘Oh I would. Sign them, let me move on, and I will leave you in peace’

She sighed and said ‘She must be worth it’

‘She is’

‘Fine, consider them signed.’

‘Good, then no more needs to be said’

‘Of course’

**

‘Ryan.’

‘John’

A simple few words to each other was not enough for the brothers to bury the past, John could not forgive what Ryan had done to him but he had to concede that Ryan had tried to put the past where it belongs behind him.

‘Did you find her?’

‘Yes I haven’t spoken to her yet’

‘Because?’

‘Her mother’

‘Ah’ those two words were enough for Ryan, Charlie. That woman loved his wife and daughter so much. He needed them safe otherwise he couldn’t put Grant away and further to that he couldn’t move on.

He needed to move on, it was imperative that he moved on.

‘Can you get her alone?’

‘Probably but are you sure that this is the best way?’

‘It is not forever’ Ryan said ‘I need you to keep them safe so that they can go back to Charlie knowing that they don’t have Grant to worry about.

‘Wow, what about you?’

‘What about me?’

‘You don’t want to be back in their lives?’ John asked ‘I thought you were doing this for them.’

‘I am doing this for them, its my love for them that means I cannot be in their lives’

John had to admit he was even more confused now ‘I really am confused, what? You will have to explain that’

‘Since Ruby entered my life, she was always in danger, always, Grant was never going to let me be in peace whilst Ruby was in my life, and when Elsie came into our lives, I knew then that there would be no way I could or would want to walk away from either of them’

‘So?’

‘So its best if I am not there, I mean they will both miss me but Elsie is young, she will forget me’ Ryan had to stop as soon as he had said those words, he didn’t want his baby girl to forget him.

He wanted to watch her grow up and be the dad that warned all the boys off that she would end up dating, He wanted to have more kids with Ruby, give Elsie another brother or sister.

Essentially he wanted his family to grow with him there in the thick of the action but he pushed those idealistic images away and looked John in the eyes ‘They will move on, live their lives safe and away from. To them I am poison’

‘Bull****’

‘What?’ Ryan was too taken aback to say anything else.

‘We are all measured by our choices, granted you haven’t made very good ones but you still made them, you chose to have marry her and have a daughter which is something you should be fighting for! Not just giving up. I hated you for driving the day you killed my wife, I know logically there was nothing you could have done but you took the light of my life’

‘Look I wish I could change that’

John put up his hand ‘I have accepted that I wont see her again but you have no idea how much I would love to see her again, even if its for a few moments, just to see her face smiling at me, to intertwine my hands with hers, to pull her into my arms.’

He stopped as he blinked away tears, he could cry later but for now he had to knock some sense into his brother who he was fast beginning to realise was not as bad as John had initially assumed.

He was human and was led down the wrong path. Ryan could turn his life around but he had to fight for it and fighting meant hurting Grant thus putting him away for good this time.

But you can do that, your wife is alive and granted she hates you right now, she really does but at the same time she is human. You hurt her but at least you have the opportunity to fix it’

‘She deserves better’ he said stubbornly

John rolled his eyes ‘Fine, don’t fight for her, I will have her instead’ and within two seconds Ryan had John pushed up against the wall with one arm across his neck.

‘See. If you can fight me for her, then fight Grant and get your family back.’ John pushed Ryan away from him.

‘They hate me’ Ryan hated showing vulnerability but he was scared.

‘Of course they do, you hurt them, it is natural for them to hate you and to be angry at the deception, the lies and the pain you caused, but fight for them, show them that you want nothing more than to be in their lives’

‘How in the hell am I supposed to do that?’

‘Oh heck Ryan! I don’t know, maybe by doing what you have been saying you will do, put Grant away’

‘Only if you protect them’ Ryan said.

‘That’s a given’

‘Is it?’

‘Yes, you have forgotten one thing’

‘Which is?’

‘Grant is ****ing with my family, like it or not, you, Ruby and Elsie are my family, I might not have my wife but I will be a damn good uncle to my niece.’

Ryan smiled despite it all .’Uncle John’

‘Has a good ring to it’ he spoke after a few minutes of silence.

‘So we are clear on what we need to do?’ Ryan asked.

‘Yep, I will get your family to safety and you will get that piece of scum behind bars’

**

[Zetti]

Right this is the last chapter I am writing for a good two weeks, I have tooo many deadlines and I need a timeout from BTTB so I can get it done.. but I will be back and I will be updating ASAP.. enjoy

Chapter Twenty

Ruby blinked as she woke up, another dismal day ahead she thought as she got out of bed and pulled on her dressing gown.

Charlie had taken Elsie the previous night so all she had to do was just sort herself out. She rolled her eyes as she got into the shower.

Every day dragged, she missed her man, she knew that he had hurt her, that he was a liar and that they were all better off without him but she loved him. T

he way he had walked away left a hole in her heart and she didn’t have closure, she wasn’t sure she wanted closure.

All she really wanted was for the pain to go away, to stop hurting over him.

Every time she looked into the eyes of Elsie, she saw him looking back at her.

She got out of the shower and got ready. She walked into the kitchen and stopped. She placed a hand on her stomach to where her unborn child was.

She was terrified; she didn’t want to do it alone, she couldn’t do it alone. Charlie would help but how was she supposed to look after a toddler and a newborn baby?

‘Damn you Ryan’ she muttered ‘

Damn you to hell’ she murmured once she had made herself some breakfast and had just sat down to eat it.

‘Damning someone?’

Ruby spun around. ‘Who the **** are you?’

She was ready to get very defensive and to attack him if she had to.

Growing up with two police officers meant that she was equipped to deal with him but she didn’t want to, violence had never got anyone anywhere and she wasn’t about to start doing it now.

‘Calm down, my name is John’

‘John?’

‘Ryan’s’ brother’

Ruby froze before asking ‘What do you want?

‘To protect you’

She was more puzzled ‘Protect me from what?’

‘Your father’

‘Grant?’ she asked as far as she was concerned, he was not her father, he might have created her but that was as far as he counted to her.

‘Yes’

‘He’s not my dad, he’s a sniveling piece of **** that doesn’t deserve the air he breathe’

John laughed lightly ‘Something we both agree on’

‘What do you want?’ she knew that deep down, she should be terrified of him but she wasn’t, it was hard to explain, if it could even be explained but in a weird way she trusted him.

‘Your husband is a moron.’

‘He is’

‘But he loves you’

‘He walked out, leaving me alone with our daughter’

‘He had no choice’

‘I don’t believe that’ she said as she stared John down

‘Clearly’

‘Believe this, if he had stayed, you’d be at his funeral, his and Elsie’s’

Ruby sucked in a breath as she realized that John was deadly serious, there was no joking or playing around in his eyes.

‘So what you want me to come with you?’

‘You and Elsie’

‘& How do I know I can trust you?’

‘You don’t, but how can you risk it? Losing your baby’

Ruby looked at him and thought it over. ‘Would I be able to come back?’

‘Yes, but you cant contact anyone until it is safe, so you need to emotionally ready for that.’

‘Fine, I will get Elsie’

‘Arranged that, I texted your mother and asked her in your name to drop her off because you missed her and wanted to spend the day with her’

She didn’t know if she should be concerned or not but she put that to one side and agreed.

Within two hours, she was in a car with her daughter and John leaving Summer Bay, she had no idea when she would return either.

**

Charlie scanned the house, it was empty, no sign that Ruby had been here. It was like she had been erased from society. Effectively didn’t exist.

‘She’s gone?’ Bianca asked when she brought wine over. Heath had got the kids and wanted an early night so she went over to see Charlie.

‘Yes, its strange’

‘How so?’ Bianca asked handing her a glass of wine and sitting on the sofa

‘Ryan disappeared, and now Ruby?’

‘You don’t think its connected do you?’

‘Maybe it is’

‘Gonna investigate?’ Bianca guessed

‘Definitely’

‘Be careful’

‘Of course’

**