Missing Heart

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 110

Roman looked over at Ella and sighed. Three weeks had gone past since that night she’d had taken him down to the pool and things had just slowly gotten worse. They hadn’t talked, in fact usually if he walked into a room she walked out, and now he was sleeping on the floor. Sleeping in a sleeping bag he rolled up every day and hid back in the wardrobe so the kids didn’t see. He walked across to the door of the diner and stepped slowly inside, his sense assailed by the noise of the customers and the smell of food. Going over to the counter he looked for Leah before glancing around.

Tony and Rachel were seated at a table nearby and he turned and looked over at them, smiling because Tony seemed to be a different person. He was smiling and happy and looked as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

“Roman!” Rachel called out to him.

He nodded before walking over to their table.

“Take a seat,” Tony said standing and reaching out to shake his hand.

Roman returned the handshake still feeling uneasy.

“How is Jack?” he asked slowly, resisting sitting down.

“He’s good, gone to visit Martha and talk to her about the kids.” Rachel supplied with a cautious look at Tony.

“You’ll want to visit Marcus then?” Roman surmised.

His thoughts drifted to Ella and how much that would upset her. She’d already avoided talking about it which meant that she was bottling up her feelings not that she was the only one to do that he conceded.

“We don’t know.” Tony murmured quietly. “I think that is what he’s gone to talk to her about.”

Rachel looked up at him a pitying expression on her face.

“Ella ok?” She asked.

Roman nodded in response although he knew that he was lying. Ella was far from ok and he was the cause of her unhappiness. Feeling strange standing there he eased slowly into the spare seat and looked at the two of them.

“She’s fine, obviously we are adjusting to things,” he stated before his eyes drifted over to the spot he’d wrestled and killed Alexi. He had to give Ella credit, she’d arranged for the diner to undergo a fresh coat of paint and the floor to be retiled to remove all trace of what happened. Even the furniture had been changed and refreshed.

“And is part of that you returning to work?” Tony asked him. “Because you know mate, the cheese toasties just haven’t been the same since.”

Roman chuckled because he knew he was supposed to and caught Rachel giving him an enquiring look. She knew them too well and even if Ella hadn’t spoken to the other woman their friendship was so deep that she would pick up on things anyway.

“Yeah, got to get back to normal.”

“Whatever that is, eh?” Tony chuckled. “How long did you know about Jack?”

Roman sighed knowing that he was going to be asked that question sooner or later.

“A while,” he prevaricated. “I couldn’t tell you mate.”

“I understand,” Tony nodded. “Still,”

Roman groaned before he leaned forward and lowered his voice.

“Jack has been part of the undercover team that helps bring down crime syndicates. Angelo was his contact in the force. Once he heard about me entering Witness Protection he made himself known and helped me adjust.” Roman supplied.

“So,” Tony looked at him. “If..”

“If Alexi hadn’t escaped…” Roman shrugged his eyes straying to the spot where Alexi died once more and he groaned again feeling the need to escape the diner, and even Summer Bay. So much had happened in the little town he’d thought so innocent when he first saw the town sign on the road along the coast. It was those first few months when meeting Miles had kept him in the Bay, before Nicole turned up and then Aden had needed him. The Bay was where he had made his home and he’d made Ella live.

“Considering that Ella…” Rachel trailed off looking at the expression on Roman’s face.

“Yes, Ella tracked me down.” Roman stood feeling his legs shaking and forced himself to speak again. “I need to see Leah and then I have to get back.”

He turned away almost rudely ignoring their comments as he staggered over to the counter. His voice hoarse he asked for Leah and the other woman moved over to the counter from the kitchen.

“Roman,” she greeted.

“Hello,” he stuttered. “How are you?”

“Good, the head is fine, thanks to Ella patching me up,” she murmured with a laugh.

“I need to arrange to come back to work,” he stated his eyes straying around the room and a sheen of sweat across his top lip.

“Sure, of course, “ Leah smiled. “Have you checked out the shack?”

He shook his head slowly wondering if she’d noticed how uncomfortable he was in the place and wanted to protect him. He felt himself growing angry before shaking off the feelings.

“Ok, wait there.”

Leah disappeared into the kitchen and he heard her talking before she stepped over to his side divested of her apron and her handbag slung over her shoulder.

“Come on,” she called to him and led him out of the diner.

He fell into step beside her and they walked along the beach.

“Ok, this is where Sophie works on Saturdays. She also helps in the diner a couple nights a week if we get busy.”

“Sophie?” Roman asked slowly. “My Sophie?”

“Your Sophie,” Leah laughed up at him. “She’s a good cook.”

“I know, she’s confident in the kitchen.”

Leah nodded before guiding them along and over to the shack. She looked around at the tables wondering if he would recognise them. They had been his and Ella’s and she shot a glance at him.

“Place could do with some paint.” He commented.

“I know, we didn’t know whether to keep the place going or not. I’ll sort out the books for you to have a look at. We’ve paid back Ella her loan towards the diner refurbishment.”

“Ok,” he said trying to think what that meant.

“She worked some shifts for us when we first opened up,”

“Ella?” Roman asked a note in his voice.

Leah stopped and turned towards him.

“They all did. Georgie, Sammy, Sophie and Meggy. Even you Nic did. Seemed to be a way to honour what the dinner meant to you.”

Roman gasped with the sharp pang of pain that went through him before he turned to look at Leah, seeing her warm smile and gentleness in her honey brown eyes.

“I’m sure you can get it back,” she said slowly before leading him inside the shack.

“How did you know?”

“Today was the first time you’ve been to the diner.”

Roman inclined his head before looking around the place. He took in the menu and then the way the place was laid out.

“Good,” he told her and watched as the other woman smiled. “Ella?” he asked.

She grinned at him.

“Yes, your wife worked off the sketch you did and the draft menu to come up with the way the place looks,” she commented. “and what it sells. It seemed really important to include you.”

Roman smiled, and for the first time in ages it was a genuine smile.

“So anyway, this is all yours. Shifts, rotas, ordering, books and when you are ready you can take on more responsibility at the diner.”

Roman nodded looking around before stepping around the counter and looking into the kitchen. He nodded at the woman who was doing the cooking and serving as he checked out the place before heading back to Leah.

“Thanks, I’ll start tomorrow if that is ok?”

“Great, “ Leah told him as they moved out of the shack and back along the beach. She began to outline the routine of ordering and cooking and who was working where and slipping into the diner to grab the books and the roster for the staff to hand over to him before leaving him too it. Roman glanced down at them before he made his way home. He didn’t spot that Angelo was watching him from across the beach.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 111

Ella moved to the door and opened it slowly. Her mind was focused on Roman, he’d gone to see Leah and sort out returning to work and she wasn’t entirely sure it was a good idea.

“Hello, Ella?” Jack said slowly looking her over.

She lifted a nervous hand to her hair and stopped mid-way before lowering her hand and nodding.

“Jack,” she paused thinking of the kids, the older ones at school and the twins out the back, he’d obviously come to talk to them about Marcus and she didn’t know if she could have that conversation yet. The possibility of losing another child was too much right now. Taking another deep calming breath she nodded. “Come on through,” she told him and led him out to the back veranda. Her eyes sought out the twins and she checked on them before getting two cups of coffee sorted out. Taking out her phone at the same time she sent a text to Roman asking him to come back. Closing her eyes briefly as the phone buzzed in her hand she thought about Marcus, the little boy needed love and stability more than anything. Turning to the boiling kettle she dealt with the coffees before heading back towards the veranda.

“Nice place you have here.”

Ella immediately wanted to tell the other man that it was ‘perfect for kids’ and only just stopped herself.

“Thank you,” she said instead.

He turned his head and looked at her, his earnest brown eyes meeting with her blue gaze.

“Mrs Harris.”

“Ella please.”

“Ella, I’m Marcus’s Dad,” Jack told her evenly. “Martha went to a private fertility clinic…”

“You don’t need to say anymore,” Ella muttered feeling her heart starting to pound in her chest.

“I’m sorry, this must be distressing for you, I understand what Martha put you through.”

Ella inclined her head briefly.

“Do you have proof of this?”

Jack shot her a quick flash of his smile before he nodded and reached into his pocket and drew out a collection of papers and passed them across the table to her. Ella resisted looking at them for a moment before she reached for them with a shaking hand. She wanted Roman here, needing his strength in that moment.

“You’ve got the details of the clinic there and contact numbers, you’ll want to check for yourself.” He said slowly. “I’ve advised them to expect your call.”

Ella once again nodded and put the papers to one side before picking up her coffee and taking a drink.

“What do you want Jack?”

“To see him to start with,”

“Start?”

“I’ve been to see Martha and also my first boy, Jack Jr. I want both boys to grow up together and to give them a home.”

“It all sounds very good but what about your job and the fact that you’ve been officially dead for a number of years?

Jack eased back in his seat seeing the pinched look on the other woman’s face even as she was giving him a hard time. He remembered what his step-mother Rachel had said about Ella and how she would be protective of Marcus.

“I’ve been saving and I’ve got enough to last for a year before I need to look for work and even then I would only need a part time job.”

“Have you factored in legal costs into your equations?” Ella shot out.

“I’ve spoken to children’s services. They are going to contact you soon,” Jack said slowly.

“So everything is in place for you to take him away from us,” a bitter note entering her voice. The few months that Marcus had been with them had changed the little boy back into being his lovable cheeky self.

“Not quite,” Jack said smiling over at her, “We want to make the transition between families smooth and give Marcus more time to adapt to the new situation.”

“That wasn’t Doc’s idea was it?” she muttered scathingly, remembering the way they had invaded her home before and removed the little boy placing him in the first of many foster families.

“No, that was mine, I spoke to Rachel about you so I know how much you care for Marcus and I want to make sure that he’s ok with these changes in his life.”

Ella sighed and looked into her cup before standing and heading back into the kitchen. She set about making another cup of coffee. She felt rude for just leaving the other man there but she needed time. However Marcus came into her life she loved the little boy and now they wanted her to give him up, to let him go live with a stranger. Spinning around she walked away from the boiling kettle and peered at Jack through the back door.

“Do you even know what he’s been through?” she shot out. “Transferred from foster home to foster home. And then you come along and state you want him without even meeting him?”

“I know exactly what this sounds like,” Jack said quietly an earnest expression in his brown eyes. “And if you think I would have stayed away for so long if I’d known I had kids out there that needed me…” he trailed off when he saw Ella flinch at the comment. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean….”

“Mum what is going on?” Mike called out from across the garden.

“It’s ok,” Ella called back before sighing, as much as she loved her son right now all she wanted was Roman home. Looking over at Jack she took in his velvet brown eyes, kind eyes, with faint lines at the corner. She reckoned that he wasn’t a man who’d smiled a lot lately and she couldn’t let Marcus go to this man. Marcus needed love and happiness in his life, not more drama and uncertainty. “If, and I’m certain that I can even do this,” she whispered. “But if I let you see him and he decides to go with you then you have to promise…”

“I promise,” Jack said immediately.

“You don’t know what I’m going to ask,”

“Ella,” he tried out her name. “Doesn’t matter because I would do anything for my boys, and I do mean anything.”

Ella sighed and then walked over to the far veranda, she could see that Mike was sitting by the pool and she lifted her hand to her lips, placing a finger to either side of a small opening in her mouth and whistled loudly. She grinned as she watched Mike spit out his drink in shock before he turned and glared at her. He stood then and jogged down the garden towards her.

“Hello Mother,” he said sarcastically, “You rang?”

“Can you go get the kids for me, Jack and I need to figure some stuff out,” she murmured.

“Sure.”

Mike moved into the house and picked out her spare car keys and headed out the front. They heard the front door open followed by a car door and then a car start up and move off.

“Just like that?” Jack asked.

“My boys make me proud of them at times,” Ella said with a shrug.

“And at others?”

“Oh generally drive me insane.”

She moved over to sit back opposite Jack picking up the paperwork he’d offered her earlier.

“It won’t be in Summer Bay,” Jack said suddenly. “I think that would be too hard for people to deal with, both my being here and well, you.”

“I know. I knew that the first moment you said you wanted him. How do I do this Jack? How do I give him up to you and not be any part of his life?”

“You can be, I wouldn’t expect you not to be.” Jack stopped and looked at her, wondering how to ask the next question. “How does Roman feel about it?”

Ella flinched as though he’d psychically struck her. She had no idea how Roman felt about anything and no matter how much they talked or didn’t talk it was just so hard to be with him right now. Not that she could verbalise that to anyone, and certainly not to Jack knowing the other man’s history with her husband.

“Roman will be fine,” she said slowly.

“Ok then.”

“This weekend, you should come over on Saturday. Spend some time with Marcus and then we’ll explain who you are.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Jack sighed, “I know this is tough, I mean I just found out I was a Dad, like Woah!”

Ella smiled briefly.

“Where does Martha fit in with all this?” The one question that had been at the forefront of her mind finally burst out.

“She’s not part of their lives.”

“Or yours?”

Jack looked uncomfortable before standing and pacing.

“I didn’t connect with anyone whilst I was under, wasn’t the place for it, but I don’t know, Martha was always the one you know?”

“And she turned into a psychotic deranged liar!” Ella shot to her feet her arms folding around herself protectively.

“So you are telling me what exactly?”

“I can’t let Marcus go to you if Martha is involved!” Ella said.

“What is going on?” Roman shot out interrupting the conversation.

Ella turned and looked at her husband as he walked fully around the side of the house, he had a pile of books under his arm and when she looked at his face she saw something in his expression, something unreadable. There was no clue how his meeting with Leah had gone and she wasn’t sure she wanted to ask him.

“Jack is here to discuss the situation with Marcus.”

Roman looked at Ella slowly, carefully. She could feel him trying to read her expression just as she had tried to read his earlier.

“And what has been decided?”

Ella tried not to flinch at his tone of voice and could feel Jack watching them both. Moving to Roman’s side she gestured to the sheaf of papers on the table.

“He has the proof that he is Marcus’s biological father.” She tried to explain.

“I see,” Roman brushed off her explanation and faced the other man. “So you thought you’d come round here and speak to Ella behind my back?”

Ella reacted to the aggressive note in Roman’s voice and stepped forward placing her hand on his arm forcing herself not to flinch when he looked scathingly down at her hand and almost brushed it off.

“I’ve told Jack to come over at the weekend and give him a chance to speak to Marcus,” she said quickly.

Roman turned his head and looked at her.

“Is that what you want?”

Ella bit her lip and nodded.

“Seems fair,” she whispered.

“I’ll leave you to discuss it,” Jack interceded.

Roman glared at him.

“Nothing to discuss, my wife has decided.”

Spinning around Roman walked away into the house. They heard the slam of the study door after a second.

“Not handling things is he?” Jack asked quietly.

Ella shook her head before she managed to get some semblance of control back.

“The kids will be here soon,” she told him ignoring the hopeful look that crossed his face.

“Saturday.” He said eventually and moved through the house and out the front door leaving Ella to collect the papers and tidy them away so that her inquisitive kids didn’t manage to spot them then she collected the cups and made herself another coffee hoping that the strong brew would give her the energy to greet her kids and pretend that there was nothing wrong.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 112

Roman watched as everyone busied themselves in the garden putting up balloons and streamers or making sure the tables looked nice. Meggy and Lily were finishing up the banner that read ‘Goodbye Marcus’ using bright coloured paints and glitter to outline the letters. Ella had taken the little boy out to keep him out of the way for a while so that the send-off would be a surprise for him. Roman looked at the pile of wrapped presents to one side and grimaced, all the kids had written out cards with special messages for the little boy too along with buying him something. Lily had been the hardest to deal with when they’d explained that Marcus was going to live with his Dad, sneaking out of her bed at night and crawling in with Marcus or heading downstairs and putting on Finding Nemo. He turned and looked at her now seeing the sad expression on her face and the way she was focused on doing such a good job on the banner.

Ella had insisted that it was to be a celebration so he was stuck making kids food. Mini burgers and pizzas, potato wedges, cheese and pineapple on cocktail sticks, along with cheese and grapes and cheese and cherry tomatoes, tiny sandwiches, mini cakes, jellies, fruit kebabs, cupcakes and finally a large cake decorated with chocolate buttons. Georgie and Sammy were in charge of the drinks and had made a special non-alcoholic cocktail. He wondered if he should be concerned that his boys were so into mixology before the thought left him and he looked over at the front door as it opened again.

“Hey Dad,” Nic called out coming in ahead of her children.

He saw that they were carrying more presents for the little boy and was stuck again by how loved he was by the family. It was going to hit them all hard when he left later today not least of all Ella and he didn’t know how he was going to cope with her upset.

“Hey,” he called back before greeting his grandkids. He sent them out the back and watched as they ran over to help his kids set up the party.

“How you doing?” Geoff’s voice shook him out of his reverie and he looked into the kind eyes of his son-in-law.

“I’m fine,” he said for the hundredth time wondering if by just repeating the words people would believe him.

“Not seen much of you and Ella recently,” Geoff commented with a glance at Nic who’d gone out the back to help place the presents they’d bought Marcus.

“No.” Roman flinched at the blunt way the word slipped past his lips and almost groaned at the knowing look that Geoff shot him.

“In fact, we’ve seen you or we’ve seen Ella, but not usually in the same room or at the same time.”

Roman shook his head to deny the unspoken accusation even though he knew it were true. He couldn’t bear to be in the same room as Ella and he never in a million years thought that would happen.

“Hello,” a voice called from the doorway.

Roman and Geoff turned to look before Geoff shot the newcomer a grin.

“Hey Michelle, you here for Danni?” he asked.

Michelle nodded shyly looking over at Roman. Danni had told her that the other man was alive but she hadn’t expected to bump into him straight away.

“Er, yeah,” she mumbled.

“Come on through.” Once again it was Geoff who spoke. “You haven’t met Roman have you?”

“No,” Roman pinned a smile on his face wondering why it was so hard to be around people. “But I have heard about you,” he added slowly.

Michelle flushed, her cheeks turning red as she stood there shyly.

“Oh er…” she stuttered.

“Mich, thought I heard your voice,” Danni called happily coming in through the door to the veranda. She grinned and ran over to hug her friend. “Come and see my beautiful Jennie,” she added leading her out.

“I seemed to have come at an awkward time,” Michelle muttered as Danni led her away.

“So?” Geoff asked when the two women had left. He let the rest of the sentence hang in the air between them as he met Roman’s steely blue gaze evenly.

“It’s really none of your business.”

“That is funny, because I was under the impression that it became my business the day I married your daughter.”

Roman heard Geoff’s words as he turned away and looked at the food he was preparing. He acknowledged there was a problem. A deep problem between him and Ella and he had no idea if he even wanted to fix it. He felt a jolt of grief go through him at that thought. They had been through so much that he was surprised at how easy it seemed to have such negative thoughts about his marriage. Hadn’t he gone through hell to protect her? Hadn’t he… stopping the raging going through him he turned and shot Geoff a look.

“We’re fine,” he stated slowly and added a smile to the statement.

Geoff nodded and walking up to Roman he placed his hand on his shoulder.

“I’d believe you old man, if you didn’t seem ready to punch me for asking,” Geoff smiled at the change of expression on Roman’s face before he slipped out the back. Roman heard his talking to one of the kids and looked down at his clenched fists. He’d have to work on that he realised if he didn’t want to scare the hell out of the kids.

Roman reached for his coffee wishing he could swap it for a beer or even better whiskey and slurped at the lukewarm brew just as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He knew it was Ella before he even took the phone out of his pocket and he frowned wanting to deny that they still had a connection. Picking out his phone he read the text and replied. He noticed that she’d put an ‘x’ at the end of the text and a brief smile crossed his face knowing that she hadn’t done that for a while and then he sobered thinking of the reasons why she hadn’t.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 113

Ella was pretending to be asleep in the all too big bed. She heard Roman’s tread on the stairs and forced her heart not to start racing. Jack had taken Marcus, the little boy overwhelmed by the presents and the cards and even leaving them. He’d cried as Jack led him out to the car and that was when she’d turned to Roman for some comfort. He’d put his arms around her briefly; just long enough so the kids didn’t suspect anything before he walked away from her. She knew they couldn’t go on like this and had no idea what to do. For the first time in her marriage, and considering all the times she’d thought it before, she was really scared that they were over.

“I know you aren’t asleep,” he told her as he sat on the side of the bed.

Ella considered not answering for a few seconds before she nodded and eased up in the bed sitting and looking at him.

“Roman.”

“I can’t Ella, whatever you are going to say I just can’t.”

She flinched at his words before whispering, “I know.”

Standing he moved over to the wardrobe and took out the sleeping bag spreading it out of the floor before he headed into the bathroom.

Ella listened for a moment and then slipped back down under the covers. She willed herself not to start crying even as she felt the hot splash of a tear on to her cheek. She was so tired and so so cold. Snuggling under the covers she felt like she would never be warm again. Keeping her eyes tightly closed she turned her head away from the side of the room where his sleeping bag was and focused on sleeping.

Roman came out of the bathroom and looked over at the bed. He’d never noticed before how big it was, even with Ella in it. Maybe it was because he was now aware of the distance between them as a couple. He thought back to earlier, how he’d been uncomfortable holding her and examined his feelings. Ella was so beautiful and amazing and he couldn’t go on hurting her. He knew he was, even though she did her best not to show it. The physical distance he was insisting on was something that he’d never envisioned happening in their relationship and gave a small unbidden moan as the memory of a lovemaking flashed through his head. He banked down on those feelings and moved to the other side of the bed. With a look at her hunched form in their bed he sighed and eased under the covers beside her.

“What?” she muttered sleepy and sounding confused.

He couldn’t blame her for the confusion, he’d been so dead set that he wasn’t going to do this, he wasn’t going to get close to her again but as those thoughts drifted through his head he moved to pull her gently into his arms. He felt a sob wrench through her suddenly small and fragile frame and cursed silently in his head before he pulled her closer and held her. He focused on comforting her and held her gently within his embrace.

Ella closed her eyes at the wash of fresh pain going through her. Not from losing Marcus this time but from the way her husband was holding her. She should have rejoiced that at last they were in bed together and he wasn’t rejecting her but she sensed his reservation about this simple act. She wanted to talk to him about it but she also knew he’d just back off, or find something to shout at her about. Breathing out a held breath slowly she focused on sleep and soon the exhaustion of the day crept over her and she drifted into an uneasy sleep.

Roman waited until she was asleep before he sighed. The scent of her perfume was driving him insane, reminding him of all the times they’d made love. All the times they’d slept together like this only to wake and turn to one another. How they’d kiss goodnight but then it would lead to something else. He couldn’t drag his thoughts away from sex despite needing to get some sleep. He blamed Ella even though his rational brain knew that was unfair. She was so sweet and trusting.

As soon as he thought the last thought his mind went to her walking so calmly into the other room with Alexi and the familiar burst of anger tore through him. He couldn’t calmly hold her and pretend anymore that it didn’t matter. Easing his arm out from under a sleeping Ella he pulled away from her and climbed out of the bed slipping to the side and into the sleeping bag once more. Focusing on deep breathing he slowly fell into a fitful sleep.

Ella had woken when he pulled away, all her hope that they could find a way through this slipped away and she waited silently for him to fall asleep before she eased carefully out of the bed and out of the bedroom. She avoided the creaky floorboard as she moved down the stairs and into the laundry room, grabbing some clothes and pulling them on. Dressed she stepped into the study next and retrieved her camera. She checked over the settings before putting it in the camera bag and slipping out of the front door. Next she made her way over to the garage and found the keys to Mike’s motorbike. He hadn’t ridden it for a while and she checked it over before wheeling it out of the garage and up to the gate. Climbing on she put her helmet on before turning the keys in the ignition and then started the bike, it stuttered slightly before firing. Ella gunned the engine before she set off heading out of the Bay, away from Roman, and their problems. She needed distance and time to think even though sneaking off in the dead of night would just get her shouted at all over again.

Ella stopped the bike and turned off the engine. She kicked the stand down and climbed off it, feeling her body aching in unusual places. It had been too long since she’d ridden any distance and her body was complaining. Stretching out her muscles she looked around her, the dark cliffs and the path down to the beach. She took off her helmet and dropped her camera bag to the ground as she looked around. She had no idea where she was, having just ridden where the roads had taken her. It was worth it though, to see the silver moon shinning above the crystal blue waves. Taking out her camera she adjusted the setting and shot off a couple of quick pictures of the scenery before looking at them in the display on the back of the camera. Satisfied with the settings she peeled off her jacket draped it over the bike seat as moved to the edge of the cliff. Kneeling down she shot another half dozen shots before changing position. Again she clicked more shots losing herself in the scenery that was given a spooky surreal feeling by the large silver moon in the night sky.

A sudden wind began to whip up the incoming tide and she was captivated by the way the waves were swirling and hitting against the rocks. Moving closer to the edge of the cliff than was safe, she lay down and positioned the camera snapping photo after photo capturing the scene of waves smashing into the cliffs and reaching up the side of them, as though the churning water was trying to grab the moon and pull it out of the sky.

As Ella began to move back into a safer position she knocked against a pile of lose rocks and watched as they skittered down the cliff face. She felt her hand slipping at the same time and gasped before gaining her hold on the unstable ground. The camera fell from her suddenly nervous fingers and dropped over the edge of the cliff, only the fact of the strap wrapped around her wrist prevented it from falling down the cliff face. Looking down the sheer drop she gasped feeling dizziness reaching out curling tentacles into her head and she moaned at the wave of sickness that accompanied the sudden vertigo. She recoiled from the edge and pulling herself up she staggered back from the edge with careful steps before gasping at the close call. She was alone, in the dark, miles from her family and she had no identification on her or even her phone having left it behind on her dressing table.

Shaking herself out of her mood she gathered her things together and climbed back on the bike. She knew where she wanted to go now and pointed the bike into the direction of home.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 114

Roman looked around the kids again wondering where Ella was for the hundredth time. He frowned some more as he moved around the kitchen getting them breakfast and organising their packed lunches. Normally this was Ella’s job and he frowned again thinking of how he was relegating her to being just their children’s carer and cook. He reined in those thoughts and looked over at the kids. They were subdued and he couldn’t blame them, losing Marcus had hit them all hard, especially Sammy.

“Morning,” Ella called out walking in through the front door.

“Finally,” Roman muttered under his breath.

Ella stepped through the lounge and over to the table taking a seat inbetween Sophie and Lily. She looked around the table before grinning at them.

“My, what a solemn bunch we have this morning,” she murmured and felt Sammy turn and glare at her. He caught the look on her face before she stuck her tongue out at him and he burst into giggles unable to stop himself.

“Mother!” Sophie cried rolling her eyes.

Ella chuckled before she stood and walked into the kitchen.

“Ella,” Roman said cautiously.

“Morning,” she called to him and before she lost her nerve she moved over to him and placed a soft kiss to his lips before stepping back over to the counter to pour out a cup of coffee for herself. That done she walked back to the table and sat back down. She could feel Roman’s eyes on her and she forced herself to adopt a neutral expression despite feeling the heat of a blush in her cheeks.

“Where were you this morning?” Roman bit out.

He cursed under his breath when the kids turned and shot him a puzzled look. He couldn’t help his tone, not only had he been worried about her but also her disappearing seemed to indicate the deeper problems they had. On her way back after her near fall off the cliff she’d gone to see Geoff and booked them in for counselling sessions. She could no longer ignore what was going on between them in the hope that Roman would talk to her. Or at least talk to someone about what he was going through. She didn’t think it was just about the incident with Alexi, there was something more to it and she intended to find out.

Nic grabbed a coffee glancing over at her kids sitting round the table, Angel appeared to be sulking over something, Robbie and Mira were chattering over the new Ice Age film coming out. She grinned as they shot her pleading look before asking if she could take them.

“We’ll see,” she temporised sipping from the cup.

“Mum!” Robbie murmured.

“We’ll see,” she said moving to sit with the kids for a few moments. Soon she would have to usher them out of the house and over to school and nursery before heading to the shop. Then she would immerse herself in clothes and design for the next few hours and then it would be collecting the kids back again and lapsing into being a mum. Not that she minded looking round her kids with an expression of love on her face. They were amazing kids, well behaved, for the most part. Nic mentally added the caveat when she looked over at Angel. The girl was going through teenage angst and nothing she said got through to her, nor did the various punishments they handed down. Although Angel hadn’t yet done anything along the lines of what she, herself had got up to but it was starting to be a worry trend of events.

“Hello,” Nic called as the door opened and her husband came in from his run. Aden was with him and the two men immediately moved over to the fridge and took out bottles of cold water.

“Morning,” Aden said taking a long drink from the bottle that Geoff passed him.

“You ok?” Geoff asked giving her a grin before moving to her side and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He smiled as she wrinkled her nose up at him.

“You need a shower!” she muttered easing away.

“Don’t hold back Nic, just tell your husband he stinks!” Aden called out.

“Uncle Aden!” Robbie protested before flushing as the adults laughed.

“He’s only teasing Robbie, it’s ok.”

“Go and finish getting ready for school,” Nic called out and watched as the kids finished the last of their breakfasts before running in opposite directions as they finished getting ready. She waited until they were out of earshot before turning and looking at her husband. “What did El want this morning?” She asked finally blurting out the question that had been bugging her since Geoff had gotten out of bed to talk to the other woman when she came over this morning.

She saw Geoff glance at Aden before sitting down next to her. He took a long swallow of his water before he spoke, as though needing the liquid to lubricate the words so he could say them. She shook her head at thoughts and focused back on Geoff.

“She asked if I can arrange counselling,” he said eventually, “For her and your Dad, but mostly for Roman.”

“Woah, Bibleboy.”

Geoff met Aden’s gaze with his own unwavering one before seeing the expression on Nic’s face.

“Hey,” he called softly, reaching out his hand to stroke down her arm.

“We have to help them!”

“We have to let them sort this out for themselves,” Geoff said with a quiet confidence.

“This is like,” Nic gasped.

“Princess, they’ve been through a lot, got to let them deal with this without us meddling,” Aden shared another look with Geoff before groaning as Nic glared at him.

“What?” She snapped.

“Your Dad, well,” Aden trailed off.

“He tried to get Ella out of the way of Alexi, he slipped her some sleeping tablets and sent her up the coast to Toby’s.”

Aden watched as Nic shot up from her seat, anger slipping out of every pore as she assimilated the latest information before she forced herself to sit back down.

“Hasn’t he done enough damage?” she asked slowly in her normal tone of voice.

“Nic.”

“No Aden, first he disappears on us and then he creeps back here and picks up his old life without caring about the havoc he’s wreaked on us all. I don’t know how Ella can forgive him for what he’s done.”

Aden flinched at the tone of Nic’s words, not because she was angry but more because she had a kind of eerie calmness about her. He considered everything for the next few minutes as they all remained silent before finally talking.

“Ella manipulated us by sending us out of the country on those trips.”

Nic looked at him before she slowly nodded. She felt Geoff take hold of her hand and sighed.

“The tickets were flexible.”

“What are you…”

“We could have changed the dates and not gone,” Geoff murmured looking at Nic as he remembered them talking about it. “But we, well we decided that Roman needed to sort this out for himself.”

Aden shook his head before he turned and looked out of the window as he though through the ramifications of the events of the past few months.

“We..” Aden cleared his throat and thought about Gardy. They had been there when they finally caught the other man but then he’d escaped and Roman and Ella had decided they had to cope with the other man themselves. Then there was Eliot . He’d caused some trouble at Nic’s store but that was it, the rest directed at Roman and Ella and finally William. He thought about when he’d seen his car explode and had ended up in hospital. How Roman had been with him when it happened. Distant. Removing himself.

How could he not have realised that all this stuff would have an effect on the other man? Yeah, they all took care of Ella and made sure she was alright but Roman? They barely questioned what the other man was going through. He thought about his kids, Brett, Amy-Belle and Tyler and his grandbaby Kai, and then how he would feel if he had to cope with someone coming after them. A part of him must have realised that he could have changed the dates on the tickets but he wanted to go, wanted to remove himself and his family from the Bay even though he knew that Alexi was coming for Roman. He mocked himself for being a coward before seeing the looks on Nic’s and Geoff’s face.

“I left him to deal with it,” he whispered. “After what we did with William and your Dad seeming to die I swore I ….”

Geoff sprang up from the table and moved over to Aden’s side placing his hand on the other man’s back.

“We left him, all of us. Because he couldn’t have born anything else happening to us. That is why he tried to get Ella out of the Bay.”

“She came back.”

“For him,” Nic said softly. “She’ll always come back for him. So we need to be there for them now, to help them now, because the biggest test is not dealing with Alexi, it’s going to be helping my Dad and Ella.”

Aden nodded and wiped the expression from his face as though that would prevent the kids from realising the adults had been talking about stuff as he heard footsteps on the stairs. He shot Nic another look and sighed.

“Are you ready?” Nic called out as all the kids merged back into the room and standing up from the table she moved to the sink. She placed her cup in it and turned to look at the kids, checking they had bags and packed lunches before leading them all out to her car. Within moments she’d driven off leaving Aden standing in silence next to an equally silent Geoff.

“You think that they are over don’t you?” Aden said quietly.

“For the moment maybe, from the little Ella told me it’s not so much that they are struggling it’s that Roman is.”

Aden nodded before finishing the bottle of water. He shared a look with the other man before sighing.

“Then what happens to us?” He muttered rubbing his hand over his face. He felt the soft stubble on his face reminding him of his need for a shave and groaned at the randomness of that thought going through his head at a time like this.

“We will struggle to find our place in the family for a while.”

Aden chuckled suddenly.

“I know,” Geoff told him, “You’ve always struggled?”

“Yeah, I have, I mean, Roman and Ella and well, the whole kissing thing.”

Geoff grinned suddenly and the two men looked at each other before speaking.

“We do not talk about the stag night!” they chorused before sobering.

“Bibleboy,”

“Just got to be there for them if they let us, and maybe give some more focus on our lives for a change,” Geoff said placing his empty bottle into the recycling. “That trip reminded me that Nic and I have to spend more time together.”

Aden nodded before shooting a look to his watch.

“Shoot, I have to go, got rounds this morning.”

He nodded at Geoff and shot out the back heading for home his thoughts very much on the other couple.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 115

Ella sat in front of her laptop starring at the photos she had taken the previous day. She put them into a slideshow and watched as the images flickered past on the screen.

“Jeez Ma, how close did you get to the cliff?” Mike muttered from behind her.

Ella spun around in surprise at her sons voice and gasped.

“I was..” Ella stopped realising she was about to lie to him and sighed. “Yes I know, I was…”

“Too freaking close!”

“Mike!” She muttered. “I know ok, I wasn’t paying attention. But well I won’t make that mistake again.”

Mike folded his arms across himself before catching sight of the gesture and grinning. He unfolded them and stuffed one hand in his pocket even as he sat down in a chair next to her.

“They are good Ma,” he finally admitted. “Nice to see you back with your camera even if you are giving out heart attacks.”

Ella shot him a look before she sighed.

“I needed to clear my head,” she admitted.

“I know, my bike was moved in the garage. Could only be for one reason.”

She grimaced at her too knowing son before ending the slide show and moving back to composing the email to her agent.

“Sending them off?” he asked reading over her shoulder.

“No, he’s asked me to let him know if I would be interested in doing an exhibition. Some anniversary of one of my books.”

She shrugged, dismissing her achievement with that small gesture and Mike felt himself begin to get mad. His mother was amazing, and her books like her photographs were amazing too. It was past time she realised it. He hadn’t realised that he’d spoken the words aloud until he caught a look on her face and she pushed back her chair and shakily moved out of the room. He watched her go, struck dumb and unable to say anything. He knew that things were rocky between his parents but obviously there was more going on than they were letting on.

Looking down at the email she was sending he grinned suddenly and quickly edited it, attaching the photos she had taken before hitting send. She needed the boost he reasoned with himself when he felt the first pangs of guilt go through him for interfering. Standing he moved through to the kitchen and poured out a couple cups of coffee and took them back through to the dining room smiling over at his mother when she came back in.

“Here,” he murmured gesturing to the coffee.

“Thanks,” Ella murmured quietly.

“So, things aren’t so good, Ma?” he asked broaching the subject that she wouldn’t want to talk about.

Ella groaned.

“You’ve seen us Mike, it’s ..” Ella sat down looking completely dejected. She grabbed the coffee and took a long drink to ward of talking about what was going on. “How is Danni now that Michelle is here?”

“Oh she’s the same. She won’t even let Mich help with Jenny.”

Ella sighed her eyes drifting out the back of the house and down to the poolhouse. She couldn’t think of a way to help them, too wrapped up in her own problems and hated that feeling of guilt and helplessness that went through her.

“Maybe we should have a BBQ and let Nic and Aden take some of the flack?”

Ella started at Mike’s question before flushing.

“How he’s been treating you isn’t right Ma, and if it were anyone else you’d tell them where to go.”

She grimaced before placing the empty cup back on the table.

“I’ve got Geoff organising a counselling session for us,” she said quietly, “I’m hoping that will give Roman a chance to get some of this out in the open.”

“Is it just Alexi?”

Ella shook her head before looking down at her hands. She noticed that she’d put her hand on her stomach above the spot where Gardy had cut her. Her eyes misted over as she thought about being in the storeroom with Alexi and back to feeling helpless and scared. Sucking in a deep breath she looked up at Mike.

“I think that Roman suffers from long standing post-traumatic stress syndrome. There are things he’s done and seen that he’s never told anyone about and it’s catalysed with Alexi and being put into Witness Protection.”

Mike sucked in his own deep breath at her mother being so candid about Roman. He could tell that she was really worried about him and before he realised he’d done it he’d reached over and took hold of her hand.

“Ma?” He asked.

“I need you to ring Jacko and speak to him.” She bit her lip and looked about worriedly as though any second now Roman would walk in and overhear them despite the fact that she knew the other man was doing a double shift at the shack.

He was about to question why she couldn’t ring Jacko when he caught sight of the expression on her face.

“Ok,” he agreed.

“Tell him to find the woman who helped them,” she murmured quietly. “In Yugoslavia. Maybe if Roman gets confirmation that some of what he’s done has helped other people….”

“It’s ok, I know what you mean.”

“I can’t..” Ella stopped and sucked in another of those deep breaths that didn’t seem to help her keep the tears at bay. She was turning into an emotional wreck and she hated it. Now was not the time that she could fall apart, Roman, despite the way he was treating her, well he needed her. Even if they couldn’t find a way back out of this she still had to try to be there for him.

Mike nodded and drained his coffee, putting the empty cup on the table, before he stood and moved out the back. Ella watched him before standing up and moving the laptop and her camera into the study. It was time to go collect the twins from nursery. She frowned thinking of her baby girls getting so big and growing up, maybe she’d take them to see Roman.

Moving to collect her handbag she caught sight of Mike still talking on his phone and she lifted her hand and half waved before stepping out of the door and over to her car.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 116

Roman finished the last shift at the Shack. He put the tables and chairs away finding a satisfaction in the repetitive actions of lifting and moving the furniture. No longer did his shoulder hurt him as he used his arm, and the bruises and cuts he sustained in the various fights dealing with Alexi had faded and gone. His body had healed and he frowned at the little whisper curling around his subconscious telling him that his body may have healed but his psyche hadn’t. Maybe that was what was wrong with him and Ella.

Sighing he finished up before walking over to the counter and gave it a last check over, satisfied he grabbed his things and the keys and moved out the door.

“Think you are so smug don’t you?” Angelo drawled.

Roman’s gaze shot to the other man, “What do you want?”

“We’ve got unfinished business, Hardcore.”

“Nothing between us Rosetta..”

“Seems like you can just get away with doing what you want and everyone forgives you, Charlie, Nicole, Ella,” Angelo paused watching his words sink in, “Especially Ella.”

Roman felt himself get mad. He could feel the stretch of skin across his knuckles as he flexed his hands into fists and silently cursed the automatic launch into anger that seemed to be so natural for him these days.

“You know nothing about my relationship with Ella,” Roman said in a quiet voice.

“I know she’s unhappy, maybe I’ll pay her a visit and cheer her up!” Angelo drawled, his voice dripping with a smugness at getting through Roman’s skin.

Roman felt more swearwords bursting from his lips before he turned and faced the other man. He noted that Angelo was dressed in ordinary clothes and wondered if the other man had managed to sweet-talk his superiors into letting him keep his job. He doubted it, having lost two of the men he was handler for, him and Jack. The irony of the way that things seemed to go in circles, and the way that people gravitated back to Summer Bay. All those thoughts ran through his head at the same time a part of him was assessing the situation, first there was the CCTV camera Ella had insisted was installed, its feed going direct to a security firm, then the bright security lights, and people passing by as they walked along the path nearby, and others on the beach catching the evening’s high tide. His mind analysed everything in the space of seconds as he turned and faced the other man.

“You can visit Ella, I’m sure she has a few things to say to you!” he said finally forcing himself to be calm even though he wanted to punch Angelo for the inference of there being something more between him and Ella. Hell, he wanted to rip his head off for even saying Ella’s name.

“Are you sure about that Hardcore, because the last time I visited we had ourselves a lovely kiss, sure there would have been more if the kids weren’t there,” he drawled out softly.

Roman recognised the signs, the slow burn in the bottom of his stomach, the curl of his hands into fists, the sucking in of the deep breath. He’d had the same feelings for the past few weeks, only for Ella. Angry at Ella for so many things. For the way she decided stuff, even though he was incapable of making decisions since Alexi. For the way she steered the kids back into school and study and all their normal activities, helping them adjust after the horror of what happened. For the way she’d kept things going when he’d been unable. When he’d not been strong enough. And that was the real reason he was mad at her, Because she’d been the one to do it, the one to hold them together and keep everything going. She’d taken over his job.

He tried not to think of her somehow emasculating him but the comparison was there inside his head. The times she’d turned to him and he hadn’t felt that spark inside him that told him how much he loved her and wanted her. His mind immediately went to those times that he turned away from her so they didn’t fight, so that he didn’t hurt her and he forced his mind to think the words, as in physically hurt her. He knew he was capable of it and had to protect her from himself as much as anyone else.

All those thoughts spiralled around his head as he stood there in front of Angelo. The man was goading him and he couldn’t see for a single second why he should hit him. And he didn’t know if that was because he was talking about Ella or because he just wanted to hit someone and get it out of his system.

“Get out of my face,” Roman muttered stepping back and away from the other man. He knew this was more tactical than he wanted to let on, he was making room for himself to manoeuvre in case trouble broke out and he could have sighed at the defensive feelings going through him. He had no need to be defensive he told himself, Angelo was nothing, his words were nothing, Ella wouldn’t like it if he got into a fight.

The last sentence taunted him, Ella, Ella, Ella, an inner voice chanted and he cursed the anger that accompanied her name. That leapt inside of him like a raging inferno. Ella was beautiful and smart and the best thing that ever happened to him, he had no right to be angry at her.

“And what if I don’t?” Angelo snapped out.

Roman shook his head, his eyes straying to the camera. He couldn’t afford to get into trouble. He forced himself to ignore what Angelo was saying and double-checked the door to the Shack was locked before he put the keys away in his pocket and turning away, turning his back to Angelo. He knew the tactical disadvantages of turning his back on a potential enemy but he wasn’t about to let Angelo get inside his head any more than he already had.

“Just aren’t up to it are you? Got to let others fight your battles don’t you Hardcore? Hardcore, what a joke!”

Roman heard the scathing voice and ignored it walking away.

“Hardcore? Yeah, like you are! You are nothing but a coward hiding behind Ella’s skirts!”

The taunting voice was rubbing salt into his wounds and he felt a spike of hate for the other man.

“You can walk away from me but you can’t walk away from the truth! You and Ella are over. She doesn’t want you. I’m going to…”

Angelo never finished the sentence finding himself flat on his back, a trickle of blood dripping down from a cut on his lip. He glared angrily at Roman.

“I’m going…”

“Nothing Angelo, you are going to do nothing. You leave us alone. And if you so much as look at Ella I’ll kill you! Do you hear me? You stay away from Ella!”

Roman flinched at his own words and spun around sprinting to his car. He squealed the tyres as he spun the car out of its parking space and headed home, clenching and unclenching his hands on the steering wheel as he drove.

Out of control. That is how he felt. Out of control. Calming himself down he felt only slightly better when he pulled up outside the house. Climbing out of the car and going inside he heard the chatter of the kids voices and frowned as he looked round for Ella. Spotting her in the kitchen he strode towards her.

“You’re cooking?” he said redundantly.

Ella spun around and looked at him. She didn’t have to be told that something had happened just from taking in the expression on his face.

“I’m doing chilli. Thought with you doing the late shift you wouldn’t want to cook,” she murmured and hated the pacifying tone she’d adopted whenever she spoke to him.

“Yeah,” he said slowly.

Walking over to her side he took in the bare feet, the worn jeans and vest top and her hair pinned on top of her head, with a scattering of curls escaping to frame her face. Reaching out a shaking hand he touched her face gently wanting to say so much to her.

Ella caught hold of his hand and looked at the bruised and cut knuckles. She gave a soft sigh before taking the first aid pouch from a cupboard and putting it on the top as she led him over to the side of the room.

“El,” he said quietly.

“We need to talk Roman, we can’t go on like this,” she was proud that she didn’t burst into tears as she stated the words she’d been trying to say to him for ages.

“I know.”

“Not now, when you are ready,” she muttered quickly.

“I’m…” he stopped and sucked in a breath as she bathed his cut hand with antiseptic.

“Sorry,” she gasped out and lifted his hand blowing over the cut as though to blow away the sting of the harsh liquid.

Roman felt her soft breath fluttering over his hand as she blew on it. She’d did the same thing for the kids, wanting to take away their pain and his eyes felt the sting of tears. He owed it to her to tell her what was going on.

“El,” he said again desperately.

She turned and looked into his eyes before standing on tiptoe so she could kiss him. Her lips met his in a soft gentle kiss and he sighed wrapping his free arm around her and holding her close. He shut out all the negative things going through his head and just let himself enjoy holding his wife close. Maybe, if he tried really hard he could get back with her.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Jacko kept looking at his phone like it was about to attack him and he glanced at Pete and then James in turn seeing them give him pitying looks.

“I can’t,” he finally confessed.

“Mate,” Pete moved to his side and clapped his hand on the other man’s shoulder in sympathy.

“No, you didn’t see him. He…”

“We’ve all been there haven’t we?” James spoke quietly but his words sunk deep.

“Ella paid off my debts and set me up in the agency,” Pete told them, “She knew that I needed the rush of doing this kind of work to…”

“Compensate for what we gave up when we left the army,” James concluded.

“Yeah, the rush of or, the release of adrenaline, focusing on the case,…”

“Or the chase!”

The three men looked at each other and chuckled before clinking their beer bottles together and taking a drink.

“But if we do this, it means we accept going back into hell,” Jacko murmured his voice sounding subdued to his own ears.

“Hell,” James muttered scathingly, “Is not even a close description for Bosnia.”

Pete chuckled feeling the other two men glare at him.

“Sounds like we have a few ghosts to settle of our own,” he told them, “We should go, take Hardcore and go check it out.”

“Ella will want to go,” Jacko added.

The three men looked at each other for the second time before laughing.

“He won’t want her to go,” Jacko finished.

“Like he could stop her…”

“Gentlemen,” Joe spoke up for the first time looking round the bar before focusing on the men in front of him, “If Roman hasn’t learnt how stubborn Ella is by now he’ll never learn.”

Pete laughed and slugged back the rest of his beer.

“Sounds like you want to tell us a story.”

Joe shook his head.

“Well her Daddy saved my sorry ass in Nam. Not that I thanked him for it.” He lowered his hand and tapped his artificial leg. “Helped me through rehab. But I went to hell in my own way and girlie found me one day when she was out with her camera. She dragged me away and bought me into this very bar where she put a $100 dollars on the bar and told the barman to bring over a bottle of Jack and one of vodka plus some smokes.” He paused and looked at the three men before lifting his coffee cup and took a drink. “She challenged me to a drinking contest and said that if I out drank her she would buy me another bottle but if she matched me drink for drink then I had to get sober.”

Jacko sniggered and saw the others look at him.

“It’s Ella, got to be a catch with that,” he murmured.

Joe drained his cup and put it on the bartop. “I laughed at her, she was 17 just a snot nosed army brat. But she drank that vodka glass for glass with me until I puked on my shoes. I passed out and woke up in a rehab unit she made her Daddy pay for. I cleaned up pretty good for a while but sooner or later I would slip up. Dammit if every time she wasn’t there for me. She don’t give up on people.” Joe said.

“So how did a 17 year old snot nosed army brat beat you?” Pete asked.

Joe laughed softly a flush of colour in his cheeks.

“She promised the barman the change out of the $100 if he filled a vodka bottle with water and brought it over to her. She was drinking water that night all along.”

Jacko whistled and caught the expressions on the faces of the others. Each of them surprised by Ella’s sneakiness.

“And the best of it is, one time she caught me after I went back on the booze she told me she cheated me and offered me a rematch. I took her up on it and this time I tested the vodka myself before we started but she still beat me!” Joe laughed.

“So…”

Jacko looked at his phone again before he made the call. It went through to Roman’s voicemail and he spoke softly outlining that they needed to see him. The rest they would explain face to face. He looked up when he’d finished the call to see that Joe had poured him out a whisky and he gratefully drank it down surprised to see that his hand was shaking. He focused on the fiery amber liquid in the glass, swirling it around and letting the aroma reach him, avoiding looking at Pete and James. He didn’t need to see their expressions to know that they were dreading the next bit, heading back to Bosnia and seeing things they’d never wanted to see again.

Roman looked at his phone seeing the missed call from Jacko and then the flashing envelope symbol telling him he had a message. He opened it up and read the brief message telling him he had voicemail. Reaction set in before he could focus enough to begin dialling the number to get his voicemail, his hand shaking and his mouth going dry. He hadn’t spoken to Jacko, nor for that matter, Pete and James since the night he and Jacko fought. He couldn’t imagine what the other man wanted. A brief image of Ella placing a kiss on Jacko’s lips flashed through his mind and he swore under his breath before hitting the numbers to call his voicemail.

“Hardcore, we’re going back to Bosnia. We’ve got unfinished business there. You coming?” Jacko’s voice boomed inside his ears, the words shocking even though brief.

Bosnia. Bosnia. Bosnia. The word rattled around his head and robbed him of breath, of coherent thought, and of his last defences. He could smell the stench all over again. Never having even thought that humans could do that to other humans he’d denied the evidence before him. He closed his eyes and shook his head. As he did so his fingers traced the keypad of his phone and he pressed send connecting to the network, and then the sound of ringing filled his ears. The call connected and he spoke.

“When?”

“Few days.”

“Whose idea was it?” Roman bit out and heard Jacko laugh.

“Whose do you think Hardcore?” Jacko shot back.

Roman closed his eyes again and swallowed. Ella of course, Ella protecting him, helping him, even though he was a complete bastard to her. Even though he was hurting her with every rejection, every word he spoke. How could she still love him, he questioned, still care enough to want him to mend this broken part of himself.

“I’ll need to sort out my passport and things.”

“Call me when you’re sorted and we get the flights booked.” Jacko rang off leaving Roman standing there looking back at his phone before he put it in his pocket. He had the rest of his shift to work and then he’d go home and speak to Ella. Frowning for a few minutes he thought of his wife before shaking himself and moving back inside the kitchen. Washing his hands he turned to back to cooking and preparing food.

It took a few minutes to realise that he felt somehow lighter than before he started his shift. Something had changed within him and he searched through his thoughts before dismissing their randomness and getting back to the cooking.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 118

Driving home from a double shift Roman felt a weight of tiredness pressing him down. He pulled up in the drive and eased out of the car heading into the house. All was strangely quiet, the kid absorbed in homework or the tv and he moved into the kitchen where Ella was standing next to a subdued Mike. He felt like he was interrupting something and gave her an enquiring look.

“Hey,” Ella turned and greeted him, “I’ve cooked dinner, thought you might be tired.”

“Yeah,” he said going to the fridge and taking out a beer. He flashed a look at Mike before offering him a bottle.

“No, I need to get back,” Mike told him in a quiet voice.

Roman watched on as Mike gave his mother another look before spinning around and going out of the back door and then moments later seeming to disappear into the poolhouse.

“I’ll tell you later,” Ella said quietly at his look.

“Ok,” Roman paused. “I…”

“got a call off Jacko?” Ella finished his sentence.

“I had a feeling that you were behind it,” Roman sighed feeling anger coursing through his veins all over again. He fixed Ella with a stare that dared her to say something.

“Yes, well,” She sighed and met his gaze evenly. “You need to sort yourself out because you know we can’t go on like this.”

Her voice was quiet, mindful of the kids in the other room but they had the effect as if she’d yelled them at him. We. Can’t. Go. On. Like. This. He did know. He knew that everything he was doing was destroying a piece of them. He sucked in a breath and then another one as he felt her hand touch his back.

“I’ve done a Shepard’s pie with veg and a crumble for desert.”

Roman groaned, putting the beer down hurriedly as he spun around quickly and grabbed hold of her before yanking her into his arms.

“Thank you,” he said.

“It’s ok, it’s all going to be ok.”

He’d heard her say the words before, or maybe he’d said them to her or similar words when they were struggling with something, and being him he’d made a promise to her that he’d often nearly killed himself to keep.

“So er..”

She eased back and looked at him meeting his eyes for what seemed the first time in months and gave him a tentative smile.

“Are you hungry?” she asked steering the conversation to neutral territory.

Roman nodded and moved back collecting his beer before looking at the kids sitting round the table. They had no idea how pivotal these stolen moments were, how easily and quickly their parent’s marriage could disintegrate and he envied them their peace. Glancing at Ella he saw her nod in answer to his unspoken question and he moved to sit with the older kids at the table.

“Hey Daddy,” Meggy murmured looking up at him.

“Hey,” he replied his face creasing into a smile that was more automatic than genuine and he hated that. Hated that he couldn’t just relax with his kids. “What are we up to?” he asked slowly.

“Homework!” Meggy replied rolling her eyes as if to say couldn’t he see that for himself and he chuckled.

“I got that Troublemaker, I was…” he trailed off when she stuck her tongue out at him and grinned.

“Megs,” Sammy groaned at his sister’s grin.

“Don’t worry Daddy, it’s not maths,” Sophie murmured grinning at her dad.

Roman took a long swallow of his beer and focused on his kids talking to each other. He listened to their good humoured banter and found himself joining in until it was time for them to put the books away and get ready to eat. He helped Ella set the table and serve the food before they all sat together and ate the meal. Then it was sorting out the kids and getting them in bed before he was alone with Ella. He walked down the stairs and into the lounge seeing her laying on the long sofa her feet up.

“Lily finally asleep?” she asked him.

“I think so,” he murmured back sitting on the sofa opposite and reaching for the beer she’d placed on the coffee table for him.

“Need to get your ID sorted.”

“I know,” he sighed. “I don’t suppose you…”

“Kept your passport?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled at the way she’d finished his sentence.

“In the study.”

“Ella,”

She turned her head and looked at him.

“Yeah.”

“You and Mike?”

“Oh, he interfered with my emails.”

“Is that it? You were pretty upset with him and he looked like you’d just grounded him.”

Ella half-groaned-half-chuckled and looked over at him.

“He emailed my agent when I’d stepped out of the room.” She explained

She sighed and eased up swinging her feet to the floor. Then she stood and moved into the study returning a second later with a folder of things and handed them to him. He gave her a look as he accepted it and quickly began to go through it. He saw that she hadn’t collected his life insurance first of all and he frowned at her.

“I don’t know,” she began in a quiet voice.

He wasn’t sure he could listen to her again, hearing the pain in her voice let alone deal with her anger, as they discussed his going into witness protection but he knew that he had to, that he needed to start facing things. He remembered how he’d felt during Jacko’s phone call earlier and how he’d felt afterwards, after making the choice to go. This was similar. The hardest part would be talking to her and afterwards, well maybe things would be easier.

“El,” he prompted acknowledging that he still cared about her with his use of her diminutive of her name.

“I don’t think,” she stopped and sucked in a breath before looking over at him and trying again. “I didn’t cash it in because I suppose I knew you weren’t dead.”

“You knew?” He asked quickly.

“How could you be when I dreamed of you nearly every night? How could you never be there when our kids grew up? So either you weren’t dead or I didn’t want you to be,” She shrugged, looking fragile and uncertain and he recognised that he didn’t reach out to her like he would have done normally and that scared him again. “So anyway, there is that and your passport.”

He continued to look in the folder and saw his passport and driving licence and credit cards. He noticed that they were all in date and he frowned again.

“Ella, I don’t understand. How? Why?”

“The same as the insurance policy. I never cancelled anything. Oh yeah, at first I was still recovering and dealing with the kids but then, I just, couldn’t. Roman,” she paused and looked at him meeting his eyes. “If someone spoke to me I used the past tense. I acted like you were dead but inside, I couldn’t. I left everything, the car insurances, life insurance policy, and I didn’t even collect your death certificate.”

“I guess I didn’t think about all the details. I mean, I sorted out all the admin when you died.”

Ella looked at him and he looked back at her and although the subject was so emotionally charged or maybe because of it they both laughed at his statement.

“Yeah, maybe we should try not to die again,” she said and they laughed again.

“El,” he murmured after they had both lapsed into a long silence.

“Go to Bosnia, Roman, I wanted to go with you and see it through your eyes but I don’t feel I can leave the kids just yet.”

He immediately felt guilty about separating her from the kids before. Looking over at her he saw nothing in her expression except compassion and he felt his heart thump in his chest. He wanted to reach for her but all the old uncertain feelings crept back and he groaned at their resurgence.

“I’m going to bed,” She murmured and he couldn’t help but hear the disappointment in her voice.

“I’m going to finish this,” he told her indicating his beer like that was the only reason he wasn’t taking hold of her hand and leading her up the stairs. He knew that he had a lot of issues where Ella was concerned, like the anger that ripped through him when he tried to get close to her. He should be getting over it. He should be protecting her and loving her. And it killed him inside that he wasn’t doing that. So he was going to go to Bosnia and he was going to see, to find out if he’d made a difference.

Yeah, that was it and he cursed out loud at how well Ella knew him. She knew that he needed to know that he’d changed things for the better when he’d decided to remove Alexi and take him to be tried for his crimes. That that one act had counted towards his personal redemption.

His mind whirling he drained the beer and moved around the bottom floor turning off all the lights before heading up to bed. He stepped into the bedroom and sat on the side of the bed reaching out and waking Ella up.

“How,” he croaked out.

“Roman?”

“What if it got worse over there? What if removing him didn’t solve anything?”

Ella eased up in the bed and moved the pillows behind her. She looked over at him and rubbed at her eyes.

“It may have got worse. But killing him? How could that have been good?” she sighed and looked at him before speaking again. “He paid for his crimes Roman, he went to jail. You proved that no one is beyond the law. You gave them back faith. Killing him? Well in my thinking that wouldn’t have helped.”

“How?” he muttered his hands shaking with reaction as he tried to process all the thoughts going through his head.

“There may have been retributions. May have been another outbreak of the conflict as each faction blamed the other. I don’t know. But you made a choice and whatever happened as a result, well we can deal with it.”

She made it sound simple although he knew that it wasn’t Ella dismissing his feelings. She must have had a million thoughts that were a mirror of his over the past few months to come up with these answers.

“Thank you,” he said after a long pause.

“Sleep with me?” she asked tremulously.

Roman nodded and stripped off his clothes before climbing into the big bed with her. His arm trembled as he reached out and switched out the light. Moving down in the bed he put his arm around her and lay back on the pillows. He thought he would wait until she was asleep again before getting out of the bed and reclaiming his spot on the floor in his sleeping bag but instead he relaxed breathing out slowly and fell into a deep, and for once dreamless sleep.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 119

Bosnia.

The word ripped through him like a knife as he looked around the hotel suite they had been booked into after the impossibly long flight that seemed to take forever, stopping first in Singapore before heading to Istanbul, Turkey and then finally the touch down at Sarajevo International Airport . He dropped his bag on one of the beds and turned to hand a banknote to the porter who’d shown them to their room. Jacko was in the room opposite and Pete and James in the suite next door. He’d briefly wondered who was paying for the trip but one look at Jacko’s face when he’d broached the subject and he’d decided not to ask again.

He wondered how the air could smell different before he yawned as tiredness crept over him. Walking through to the adjoining lounge area he moved to the long window and looked out over the city. It was made up of four districts the Centar, Novi Grad, Novo Sarajevo and Stari Grad. That detail he’d remembered from when he’d been here before all those years ago. He caught sight of a tower from a Mosque in the distance and wracked his brain trying to remember the name of it.

“So are we eating?” Jacko asked him.

“Did you lose the bet?”

Jacko started at the softly spoken words before grinning.

“Because I got lumbered with you, ya mean?” He shot back.

Roman nodded, his eyes still on the view.

“Maybe,” Jacko grinned when Roman turned and shot him a look. “ You ain’t the easiest to live with you know, for one thing you snore!”

Roman let out a bark of laughter feeling something lighten in him. He was coming back from the dark and he could feel the difference.

“Come on old man, lets collect the others and do the tourist thing.”

“Oh great, you’ve gone from suicidal to all like happy,” Jacko muttered under his breath. “Ain’t this trip going to be fun.”

Roman grinned at the other man as he double-checked he had his wallet and the hotel key before striding to the door. He shot Jacko a look seeing that his old comrade was following and then moved out knocking on Pete’s door. All four of them crammed into the small lift and let it take them to the ground floor. Pete strode over to the reception and enquired about the restaurant. He returned a moment later and shook his head.

“Ok, let’s hit the town,” Roman decided leading everyone out of the front doors. He turned left and headed down the street unaware of the looks the others were shooting his back as they fell in pace behind him. He only stopped when he heard Jacko sniggering behind his back. “Problem?” He asked spinning around and glaring at them.

All three men shot to attention and gave him a salute.

“No Sir!” Pete barked out.

Roman narrowed his eyes and looked at them in turned before he returned their salute and spun around carrying on striding down the street and grinned as he heard their laughter.

Pete moved to his side and threw his arm around Roman’s shoulders.

“Where are we going?”

“To get some food then…” Roman spread his hands expressively.

“And you don’t think we should be getting some rest after that long flight?” James muttered stifling a yawn.

Roman laughed again.

“God no, I slept on the plane.”

“Yeah, didn’t yous hear the snoring?” Jacko shot out.

“Sargent I’m sure there is something about insubordination that you need to remember?” Roman grinned at Jacko’s immediate straitening of his shoulders at being called Sargent and then laughed with the others. He looked down the narrow street they were walking and glanced around automatically checking that they weren’t being followed recognising the old habit coming back to him. He frowned for a nano-second before getting caught up in the banter with his men as they trailed along to a restaurant. The first in their stop. The restaurant had heavy oak tables and chairs with rustic looking plastered walls and the kind of wall lights that were made to resemble candelabra, and casted soft yellow glows around the room as they made their way to a table at the back and sat down. They laughed as they ordered, getting something approaching what they wanted and four bottles of good tasting beer. James got stick as he attempted a few words in Bosnian.

“Guess my German is better,” he shrugged.

“Yeah, if we were in Germany!”

James flushed at Pete’s comment before glancing at Roman.

“And just how come we managed to get here without Ella?”

“Focusing attention on me to detract from the fact you tried to chat up the waitress?” Roman took a swig of his beer as he looked round the group. He saw identical expressions on their faces and knew that he owed them some explanations. “Ella and I, well I’m not sure what we are anymore. She can’t understand why I went into Witness Protection and…” Roman stopped and swallowed before taking another long drink of his beer.

“She does,” Jacko spoke softly his eyes on the table top as if he couldn’t look at Roman. “She just don’t get how you could leave the kids.”

“How do you know that?” Roman growled out flushing at the laugh that went around the table at his display of jealousy.

“She ain’t told me if that’s what yous thinking,” Jacko murmured, “You left Nicole when she was young and a part of Ella doesn’t understand that. You know if she’d known about Gabby and Toby she would have moved Heaven and Earth to get to them. She’d die for her kids. What she don’t get is that you did.”

The men sobered at Jacko’s words.

Roman nodding. “Yeah, I left Nicole. I went into the army..”

“And look how good that turned out!” Pete muttered.

James and Pete shared a look before clinking beer bottles and taking a drink.

“Because they wouldn’t let me see her. They took out a restraining order and then claimed I wasn’t the father.” Roman shrugged recognising that not even that would have stopped Ella if she’d known about the twins existence. “My family, well things were complicated and running away seemed to be the only option open to me.”

“That’s part of what make you and Ella so special. Yous both had drama that way,” Jacko told him softly.

Roman was forced to acknowledge that he and Ella had more in common than he’d ever really thought about and suddenly he missed her.

“Pity we never seem to communicate,” Roman drawled shoving aside what he was feeling for Ella. He so didn’t talk about his feelings, let alone to the three men seated around him. He sighed as he acknowledged this and drained the last of his beer. Looking over the room he gestured with the empty bottle and as if by magic another round of beers arrived followed by a bottle of something and four shot glasses.

“What’s this?”

“Rajika, nacionalo pica,” their waitress murmured looking at them.

Roman glanced at James as he listened to her words. He was their language specialist.

“I think she is saying National drink.”

“Da,” she said as she poured it. “Sljiva.”

“Do we want to know what that is?” Jacko muttered.

Roman chuckled them and proceeded to pick up the glass and take a drink. He savoured the flavour across his tongue feeling the slightly numbing sensation that came from strong liquor before the burst of sweetness took him by surprise. He let it roll around his mouth before swallowing.

“Good,” he pronounced nodding at the girl. He noticed that she flushed happily before leaving the bottle with them and easing away.

“Are we’s going to have to alibi you to the Mrs?” Jacko drawled watching the interchange.

“You think you can lie to Ella?” Pete shot out.

Roman let out a bark of surprised laughter. Although why he was surprised he didn’t know. These men were his friends and they’d also kept an eye on Ella over the years, maybe because they loved her too but more than just maybe they had done it to keep her safe on his behalf. The sudden realisation of this caused his face to suffuse with colour and he tried to hide it by drinking more of the Rajika.

“Should we talk about tomorrow?” he asked after a time.

“Well I predict a period of recovery before we sort out a car and plan the route.” Pete murmured chuckling at the other’s expressions. He smiled some more when they began tackling the food and clearing their plates. More beers followed as did shots of Rajika before they got to their feet and moved to pay for the meal.

“Bam?” Jacko muttered with a giggle.

“Problem Sargent?” Roman shot his former colleague a look as he handed over the national currency to pay for their meal.

“That’s about $65 dollars,” James said slowly looking at the bill and converting the amount they were paying for their meal and drinks.

“Doesn’t sound right,” Roman grinned before he added the tip, an over generous amount.

The four of them left without collecting any change and moved out down the street. It took a moment before he even noticed that they were heading away from the hotel and he glanced at his watch seeing that it was still set on Australian time and he frowned working out that they were 8 hours ahead of him. He thought about what they would be doing and it made him feel isolated from them, just like he’d felt in the year he’d spent in witness protection. He didn’t like the feeling now and he’d hated it then.

“Where are we going?” He asked realising he been lost in his thoughts.

“There.”

Pete looked over at James and saw him nod before then began crossing the road and heading for the place that Jacko had pointed out. Roman sprinted after them to catch up and they walked inside the club. They ordered drinks and headed for a dark corner where they sat talking about old times. Roman found himself joining in with the conversation for once enjoying it as opposed to resenting the reminders of the old days. He even let them drag him on to the dance floor recognising that they were becoming more and more uninhibited as the night wore on and he felt a smidgeon of regret when he called it quits and guided them outside where they piled into a taxi heading back to the hotel.

As he got back to his room he took another look at his watch told him it was 6am back home and suddenly he couldn’t wait to ring Ella, just to hear her voice even though he knew that it was before the alarm was due to go off and wake her up. Reaching for his phone he looked at the display for a few seconds before dialling. It rang through to voicemail the first time and he just hit redial listening as the call connected.

“You are calling to tell me that you want a divorce,” Ella muttered, “Because you are bloody getting one!” She added before disconnecting the call and he grinned at the stroppy response before hitting redial again.

“Hello,” he murmured when she answered.

“Before the alarm? Like seriously Roman Harris? You really don’t ever want to have sex again do you?”

“Miss Cranky-Pants,” Roman huffed. “I was actually calling to tell you I miss you.”

“Uh huh Roman Harris, you are drunk!”

“Yup,” he grinned at her guessing that and then smiled when he heard that little sigh she didn’t even know she did when she spoke to him on the phone. It told him that she missed him too.

“So,” she said slowly.

“It’s ok El, really it is, I know you were worried, but it’s fine.”

“I’m glad, but still was that any reason to wake me up?”

“I needed to hear your voice, needed to …” he trailed off wondering what he was thinking as the word tumbled over themselves as they slipped off his tongue, “I needed to tell you I love you,” he finished.

“I love you too Roman, and it’s ok,” she murmured quietly.

“Is it?” He asked, “Because I’m pretty sure that we are at the edge here.”

“We are, but how many times have we come back from that?”

“Too many to count. El, you need to be here,”

“Roman, I’m not so sure that is a good idea,” Ella sighed when she heard Roman’s disjointed sigh through the phone.

“Ok,” he said feeling the room starting to spin. He closed his eyes against the drunken feelings going through him and crawled up the bed and yanked the covers over him. His last thought was to kick off his shoes and he remained unaware that he’d left Ella hanging on to the other end of the call as he drifted into a deep sleep.