Missing Heart

[TelephotoMarigold]

*WARNING*

The following chapter contains reference to the war crimes committed in Former Yugoslavia during their civil war. Although I've tried to use general terms and approach it in a sensitive way some readers may react strongly to the information pertained within the chapter.

Chapter 120

The elevator ride was silent as each of the men refused to speak to the other. Roman frowned as he thought about the past two days. The hire car was ridiculously small. If he ripped out one of the seats and sat in the back he could still have driven it and being in such close quarters with three other men without the benefit of air conditioning had been challenging. Yeah, challenging. Their first stop had been at petrol station where he’d used the cold water hose around the back to cool himself off before he’d lost his temper with the others. Jacko had driven next as James tried to navigate them.

“They obviously moved it,” Pete said, his soft voice breaking the tense silence.

Roman nodded. He couldn’t really blame them for short tempers and angry sniping when he’d been just as bad. It wasn’t just that, they’d been trying to find the location of the mass grave they’d discovered before. Each of them had sworn they’d never forget the location but a day’s driving out to the location where they thought it was hadn’t discovered it. They had decided to stay overnight in a little hotel they found along the way and ended up drinking until the small hours. The resulting hangovers had not made any of them pleasant company for the drive back to the hotel.

The elevator reached their floor and they grabbed their stuff making their way along the corridor to their rooms.

“So are we going to hit the town again tonight?” Roman forced his voice to be jovial despite the tension of the past two days.

“You think that’s wise Hardcore?” Jacko muttered, “We barely survived last night without killing each other.”

Roman shot Jacko a look before he grinned.

“You getting soft on me Sargent? Seems to me back in the day you were the one who started most of the fights!”

“Not me,” Jacko protested.

“Yeah, of course not,” Pete drawled grinning at Jacko’s discomfort.

Roman reached the door of the suite he was sharing with Jacko and slotted the cardkey in the slot before turning the handle. He was looking back at Jacko as he pushed the door open so he didn’t see the remains of a meal spread out on the coffee table at first.

“Did we order room service?” he muttered.

The others stilled behind him and he heard rustling before Pete stepped forward, a gun in his hand. Roman shouldn’t have been surprised that the other man was armed, probably James was too, but the sight of the 9mm Beretta clutched in the man’s grip struck him with a feeling of dread.

“I shut my door,” Jacko whispered pointing across to it.

Pete nodded and gestured, lifting his free hand to his face and pointing to his eyes before pointing to the room, meaning that he was going to check it out. He approached the door cautiously, his footsteps silent as he crossed the room. Even though Roman couldn’t see the other man’s face he knew that Pete was checking for anything and everything. Disturbances to the tread of the carpet, grease spots, trip wires, any one of them indicated that there could be a hidden explosive. Whatever Pete saw he must have been convinced that things were fine because he pushed open Jacko’s bedroom door wider and looked inside.

“Clear!” He called nodding back to the others.

James had been at the back of the group but now he walked forward and followed Pete’s lead into the room his eyes scanning around it.

“My god!” he exclaimed after a moment.

“What?” Jacko pushed forward moving to stand next to James.

“You brought a suit?” James muttered pointing over at the open wardrobe in the room.

“You brought guns?” Jacko countered.

Roman groaned as he heard the banter before he coughed discreetly.

“Yeah, we’ll check your room too!” Pete told him walking out of Jacko’s room and across to the door to Roman’s bedroom.

“Then we better give reception a call and find out who’s been in our room,” Roman outlined.

Pete nodded before he approached the other bedroom door in the same overcautious manner. He checked out the closed door before reaching for the handle and slowly opening it. Again checking it out he pushed the door wider before grinning.

“Hardcore, did you order for your bed to be turned down?” Pete asked holstering the gun in the waistband of his trousers.

Roman frowned at Pete’s words before looking past the other man’s shoulder and into the room.

“I take it this is something else we don’t tell your missus,” Pete said before a pillow sailed across the room and hit him in the face.

“Slow reaction there Corporal, perhaps you should give some thought to updating your training,” Roman teased him as Pete yanked the pillow from his face and shot Roman a look.

“Better consider….” Pete began before a second pillow hit Roman.

“Hurumph!” Roman shot out throwing the pillow to the floor and striding over to the bed. “Hello Ella,” he added as she sat up in the bed.

“What exactly aren’t they supposed to tell me?” She asked him shooting him a furious look.

“Good god Hardcore, when you order room service they really deliver!” Jacko shot out peering over Pete’s shoulder with James next to him.

Roman gave the three men a look before he ushered them out and kicked the bedroom door shut before pacing over to the bed and sitting next to Ella.

“What are you doing here?”

“Joining a queue of women apparently!” She snarled out folding her arms across herself.

“Yeah, like I would survive even thinking about another woman!” He shot back before reaching out and tugging on a lock of hair that had fallen across her face as she spoke to him. He wound it around his finger before leaning forward and kissing her.

Ella responded to his kiss without meaning too. She was mad at him for keeping her hanging on the phone the other night and then hearing the banter from the others, although she thought that he wouldn’t have done anything, not if he wanted to live anyway, it just fed on her insecurities. Easing away she looked at him before pushing at his chest forcing him to release her and after swinging her legs out of the other side of the bed she stood up. She stretched to ease out the kinks in her back before grabbing the complimentary hotel bathrobe lying across the end of the bed and pulling it on over her nightdress. She tied the belt around her securely before finally looking at him.

“Where have you been?” She asked slowly.

“Just around,” he shrugged not wanting to tell her about their furtive search for the mass graves they’d discovered back in the day.

“Ok,” she said softly.

Pulling on the bathrobe had been a mistake, Roman had obviously worn it before her because she caught the scent of his aftershave on the plush fabric.

He stood up from the bed and faced her before frowning. He’d wanted her there for a variety of reasons but now, with their failure to even find one thing, he didn’t know if her being there would be a good thing.

She gave him another look waiting for him to speak and when the silence stretched between them again she nodded once and moved to the door.

“Coffee,” she said in explanation although she didn’t really want a drink.

“Er…”

Ella stepped through the door and into the lounge area of the suite hiding her smirk at the way the three men suddenly tried to look busy.

“So er…” Jacko began.

“Coffee,” Ella said cutting through whatever the other man was trying to say, “And then you can tell me what you’ve all been up to?”

As she spoke her eyes flicked to Roman who’d walked out after her, unknowingly giving away the fact that she and Roman weren’t communicating. She missed the look that all the men passed between them as she moved over to the telephone and grabbed the menu.

“We were planning on going out for food,” Pete said in the sudden silence.

“Anywhere nice or just out?”

Roman half-smiled at Ella’s attempts to make conversation before he spoke again.

“We tried to find the graves but…” he shrugged feeling emotion tugging at his voice.

Ella turned and looked at him.

“Didn’t you find the memorial?”

Roman shook his head exchanging looks with the others.

“What..” he began to ask looking at her as she put the menu down and moved across the room and past him going into the bedroom. She returned a moment later and opened up a small A4 sized black case and switched on her new IPad. A few taps of the screen brought up the information she was looking for and she handed it to Roman watching as he scanned the print on the screen before he handed it to James.

“How much memory does this have?” James couldn’t help asking as he handled the computer device making the others laugh at him and reminding them that he was the IT geek amongst them.

“I don’t know, just didn’t want to bring my laptop,” Ella shrugged and looked at Roman, sharing a smile with him before speaking again, “Got Mike to do research for me,” she added for his benefit. “He…er…. called in a few favours from his old friends.”

Roman nodded understanding realising in that sentence that Mike would have contacted his former army colleagues and got access to restricted records, if not secret.

“So yeah, anyway, they removed the bodies and buried them in a cemetery nearby. Erecting a memorial.”

James nodded as he heard Ella surmise of the situation. He ran his finger over the touch screen bringing up a map and glancing at the others.

“We were close,” he announced.

Roman moved over to stand next to James and looked at the screen.

“Here, this is where the graves were,” he stated, “We went here,” he pointed out a second location on the map where they overshot the original graves by a few kilometres.

“But if they …” Pete said slowly also looking at the screen.

“Remember we were on foot last time,” Jacko muttered his eyes going to Roman before he looked at the other two.

“Here,” James said a second time and clicked on the article to bring it up again. He pointed out the granite memorial and the new gravesite showing the others, “ICMP sent in a team to identify the bodies. They were reinterred and a memorial was erected.”

“ICMP?” Jacko questioned.

“International Commission on Missing Persons,” James explained the acronym.

All four men remained silent for a few minutes as the new information was absorbed.

“Are you going to go back and try and find it?” Ella spoke breaking into the silence.

“Yes,” Roman said quietly before finally looking at her.

“Tomorrow?” Pete asked him.

“Maybe, maybe tomorrow we should take a walk around the town and just relax.”

“Might be good Hardcore,” Jacko said rubbing a hand across the back of his neck, the movement belying how tense the other man was.

“So anyway, coffee, and er James, I’m going to want that back at some point,” Ella murmured going over to the telephone again.

James laughed nervously before looking back at the electronic tablet. He half shook his head and then passed it to Roman who began reading the articles and associated information.

“Did you read all this?” He found himself asking Ella and cursing at the accusatory tone in his voice.

“No, just scanned it,” Ella replied not even turning around to look at him. “Yes, hello, can I get coffee for five please and sandwiches,” she began to order when her call connected to reception. She finished the order and replaced the receiver before moving to sit on one of the sofas next to Roman. He barely glanced at her he was so engrossed in reading the article. When he’d finished he looked up and over at the others.

“It mentions her,” he said in a shaken voice.

“You sure Hardcore?” Pete asked him.

“We may not have got the exact location of the graves right but I knew I’d never forget her name,” he cried out emotion making his voice waver. He looked over at Ella as she reached out and stroked his arm before holding his hand, their fingers entwining.

Pete took the tablet from him and scanned the article.

“Ramisa Bosnjak,” Jacko said pronouncing the name without looking at the tablet. A glance at Pete confirmed that Jacko was correct.

“She’s running an orphanage,” Pete said slowly filling in the others on what Roman had obviously just read.

“Sounds like you need to go see her,” Ella said softly.

“Yes,” Roman muttered glancing at the three men before looking at Ella. “Will you come too?”

She nodded immediately feeling his hand tighten its grip on hers as he absorbed the new information and assimilated the events of the past few days.

Just as the tension began mounting for all of them a knock at the door sounded and a voice announced room service. Jacko moved to the door and answered it letting the waiter into the room. He set up the coffee things on the table clearing away the previous set before adding the platter of sandwiches. Jacko escorted him back to the door and signed the chit for him to charge the order against the room before closing the door securely as the waiter left them.

“So what are you doing here Ella?” Jacko asked walking back over to them.

“I asked her to come,” Roman put in.

“Of course you did,” Pete said slowly sitting opposite him, “just because you couldn’t get the phone number of that waitress.”

Ella let go of Roman’s hand and glared at him.

“Waitress?” she asked her tone hard.

“Thanks mate!” Roman groaned glaring at a laughing Pete before flushing as the others joined in. He turned to speak to Ella and defend himself when he saw her expression and noticed the way her eyes were sparkling. Something felt like it was coming back to life inside him and he reached for her hand again loving the feel of her touch even if it was just them holding hands. He looked up and saw Jacko watching him carefully before reaching for the pot of coffee and pouring out drinks for them all. Each of them helped themselves to the sandwiches as they planned their evening.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Authors note: In light of a conversation I had yesterday, I'm rededicating this story to the following people: Zetti, Steve, and Mary.

Chapter 121

Roman looked over at Ella as she came slowly awake. She pushed her hair back from her face and glared at him.

“Just how early is it?” She muttered.

“Seven am.”

“Garh!”

He chuckled at her as she pushed the covers reluctantly aside and placed her feet on the floor. Sometimes she had a way of moving that was catlike and this morning he couldn't stop the comparison as he saw her stretch and get herself out of the bed. She padded softly over to the en suite and he heard the sound of the shower coming on before he moved himself. He’d already showered and dressed and now he was waiting for the breakfast he’d ordered to be delivered to the room. Leaving her to get ready in peace he slipped back into the lounge area closing the bedroom door firmly behind him. Heading to the long sofa he picked up the tablet Ella had brought with her and began examining all the files on there.

“Morning,” Jacko called slowly peering out of his bedroom door.

“It’s safe Jacko,” Roman murmured. “I think anyway!”

“Can’t help but notice things between you and the Mrs,” Jacko began.

“Jacko,” Roman began not sure how he was going to finish the sentence or even if. He knew that people were picking up on things between him and Ella and he had no idea what to say to them. Hell, half the time he didn’t know what to say to Ella and maybe that was the problem. He looked up and focused on Jacko just as a knock sounded on the door.

“That better be room service,” Jacko muttered glossing over the silence that had descended once more.

“Probably the others,” Roman murmured as Jacko moved to the door. He watched the other man open the mahogany door and peer through the opening before smirking and shooting Roman a look.

“I think they need some coffee,” he announced as the door opened wider and Pete and James walked into the suite. Both of them looking haggard and hungover and Roman grinned at that before he stood and moved back into the bedroom to collect his jacket. He saw Ella step out of the en suite a towel wrapped around her and shot her a quick smile. As she stepped over to the bed he was struck by how fascinated he was by her body. Like a lovesick puppy he focused on the hint of cleavage he saw at the top of her towel and the way it skimmed her thighs. Worse than that he felt like he was panting like a dog at the glimpse of flesh.

“If you are going to perv on me you might as well make yourself useful,” Ella murmured walking over to him and handing him a tube of moisturiser.

He shot her a quick look as she spun around and lowered the towel to give him access to her back. Squirting a measure of cream into his hand he placed the tube down before warming the liquid and began rubbing it into her back. He found he sucked in a sharp breath as he felt the stirrings of arousal go through him and bit back a groan as he expected the usual feelings of anger to follow. This time however was different. He felt the silk of her skin under his fingertips as his hands glided over her flesh, smelt the clean fresh smell of her skin mixing with the perfumes of her beauty products and the fragrance that was all her. She was beautiful, he thought as his eyes slipped down to look at the freckles on her shoulder. How many times had he kissed her just there? Then his mouth would slide down her back, glancing across the butterfly tattoo that decorated her skin and then find that interesting little hollow right at the base of her spine. Such a curious little dip before the booty of her behind, like a ripe peach. How many times had he delivered a playful spank, had he bitten it teasingly, had he kissed the ample globes?

Now he did groan with remembering all the lovemaking, all the kisses and all the touches, some gentle and soft, some urgent and demanding and all the ones inbetween. He looked at her now and knew that he had to make things right between them because the thought of never making love to her again was suddenly crippling.

“I think you’ve pretty much covered my back,” Ella stated stepping forward and away from him.

Roman blew out a breath and glanced down at his body before walking briskly away from her and into the en suite. He washed his hands removing all trace of the moisturiser and after drying them on a towel he moved back into the bedroom where he sighed again at seeing her dressed and pulling on a pair of walking boots. He frowned trying to remember the last time he’d seen her even dressed like this, black vest, black cargo trousers and the black boots. The thick red laces criss-crossing over the front of them somehow added to the look. As his eyes travelled over her he noted the black tie necklace at her throat and her wonderful hair scrapped back into a long plait down her back. He grinned at her when she glanced over at him.

“Want to tell me where you dragged that stuff out from?” he said with a gesture at her outfit.

“The back of the wardrobe,” she shrugged.

“There is one thing missing,” he commented before he could stop himself and cursed silently as she gave him a look as though she knew he were thinking of the way she’d have his dogtags tucked under the vest top.

“Many things missing. First of which is coffee,” she told him when he lapsed into silence. She grabbed her oversized bag and the black denim jacket she’d brought with her before moving out towards the lounge, pausing in the doorway waiting for him to catch up with her and he grinned at that too before lifting his eyes upward as if to communicate silently with whatever deity that was winding him up today. She was looking like Ella. His Ella. His amazing Ella who spent most of her time playing with a camera and the rest of it loving the stupid naive fool that he was. That’s why his mind was playing tricks on him, he told himself, it was nothing to do with thinking he’d fallen in love with her again. But one look at the other’s faces as he walked into the en suite behind her and he knew that he must have that soppy look over his face, the same one as back in the day.

“Morning,” Jacko drawled giving them a look before shaking his head.

“Is there going to be coffee before you give us some sarcastic comments Jacko….?”

Roman smirked at Ella’s comment but was stopped from speaking himself when a knock at the door sounded. He nodded at Pete who was closest to open it as he moved to sit at the table.

“Do you have…” James began to ask grinning as Ella removed the tablet from her bag and handed it over to him. He glanced at her before speaking again. “How long does the battery last?”

“Oh for god’s sake James!” Ella muttered as she reached into her bag and pulled out the charger and adapter for the IPad neatly packed away in a little see-through bag. “See!”

James half-nodded already absorbed in checking out the tablet.

During the byplay the waiter had set up breakfast on the table and Ella moved over taking the last of the four chairs. She caught Roman shooting her a look before he smiled at her, his smile broadening as she smiled back. He was so focused on her that he didn’t see Jacko and Pete sharing a look followed by a second look as he poured out a coffee for her and handed her a glass of chilled orange juice.

“Who ordered the fried egg sandwich?” Pete asked looking at a covered dish.

“That would be me,” Roman and Ella said at the same time.

Jacko sniggered and nudged Pete.

“Hey!” James muttered finally looking up and over at the table and noticing all the chairs filled.

“Spare chair in my bedroom,” Jacko told him as he and Pete sorted out the food passing the fried egg sandwiches to them.

During the fuss that James caused getting the chair to the table Roman managed to glance at Ella without the others seeing. He saw the flush of colour in her cheeks and the shine in her eyes. He could no longer deny that there was something going on between them.

“So we’ve mapped out directions,” James began as he settled on the chair and reached for the coffee.

“You sure now?” Ella murmured a twinkling light in her eyes.

Roman flushed at her words and recognised that before he would have taken that as some kind of challenge and it would have caused an argument or at the very least his storming out of the house in a temper.

“I think we can read a map,” he pointed out.

Ella chuckled and looked up to catch Roman’s gaze on her. She shot him a questioning look before sighing and smiling at him.

“Not sure about the car,” Jacko said suddenly.

Roman let out a surprised laugh before looking at Ella.

“You aren’t going to fit,” he told her.

“Hey, I haven’t put on that much weight.”

Roman smirked as his eyes automatically travelled down her body appraisingly before uttering a surprised grunt as she hit him in the ribs.

“My god Hardcore, how did you not know that was coming?” Jacko muttered.

Roman narrowed his eyes as he looked at his old comrade before turning his head and looking at Ella. A smiling happy Ella. He felt as though something hit him in his chest as his heart thumped and then stopped before thumping again. He’d had the feeling before. The first time he’d tripped over her back in the day, at their first kiss, seeing her again after so long and marrying her so many times, seeing Meggy being born, and on other ordinary days inbetween all the big events. He’d just fallen in love with her again.

Looking over at her in shock his mouth dropped open and he felt as though he was drooling like a lovesick puppy over her. Dragging himself together he gave himself a mental shake and focused on his breakfast.

“We should go to the car hire place then,” Ella murmured.

Pete and James nodded assent and the conversation drifted for a time before they finished the breakfasts and drinks, then it was last minute checks before gathering their things and heading out. Ella laughed when she saw the hire car they’d been given and they just managed to all squeeze into it before heading over to the car hire place where they piled out and moved to the office to enquire about another car. After being told that there wasn’t another car available the moved back to the car and began talking amongst themselves. Ella left them to their debate while she headed back into the hire office and spoke to the manager.

“What are we going to do because we can’t travel all that way …” Jacko muttered glancing at Roman.

“Oh you want me to tell Ella that…” he trailed off when a motorbike pulled up next to them. Looking over at it he smiled and then grinned as Ella lifted up the visor on her helmet.

“Want a lift soldier?” she called out to him.

Roman nodded and reached into the back of the car to pull out his jacket. He pulled it on and zipped it all the way up before catching the helmet she threw at him. Taking out the gloves tucked inside he pulled on the helmet and did up the strap before climbing on the back of the Black Honda superbike and tugged on the gloves before wrapping his arms around her.

“Keep up boys,” she called to the others and set off down the road.

“Keep up? Does she even know where we are going?” Jacko muttered.

“Nope,” James drawled.

“We better go catch her then,” Pete said as all three of them scrambled into the car and eased out into traffic.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 122

Ella eased the bike into a filling station and pulled slowly to a halt. She kicked the stand down and waited for Roman to climb off before she did. They took off gloves and helmets in unison before looking at one another.

“Been a long time hasn’t it?” he murmured.

“Yup,” she said back and patted the bike. “Forgot how much I love riding,” she commented and flushed bright red as Roman smirked at her. “A bike!” she added quickly.

“Of course,” he agreed with her. “So do you think we should tell them where we are?”

Ella laughed even as she placed the helmet to one side and lifted her arms up stretching out the kinks in her back. She wished she was wearing something a little more substantial, the airflow had found the gaps inbetween the buttons of her jacket and she felt the chill going through her. Only the fact that Roman had his arms around her had kept her warm, not of course, she would ever admit that. There was something different between them, something slightly exciting and even though they had been together years, it felt new. She could feel herself blushing as he looked at her and that felt strange but familiar feelings going through her. This was a mistake, her brain screamed at her but she didn’t care, she had to know where this was leading.

Leaving him to make a phone call to the others she walked inside the shop and began looking around. She had to admit her thighs felt a bit tender from being on the bike and smiled at that feeling. There was nothing like just getting on a bike and letting the road lead you away, losing yourself along the way. There was something good about the fact she and Roman were on the bike, something about reconnecting. She smiled at her tumbling thoughts and looked up to see him striding towards her.

“Seems they are an hour behind,” he told her with a grin, “something about you riding like a maniac.”

Ella grinned over at him before speaking.

“So what are we going to do for an hour? Get some food?”

He looked at her and nodded.

“They also wanted to know how you knew the route to take, considering, in Jacko’s words by the way, you can’t tell left from flaming right,” he murmured.

“Jacko huh,” Ella raised her brow as she glared over at him, “I would have words with him but he’s about right,” she confessed.

Roman laughed before reaching out and stroking her arm.

“Do you good to have a break,” he murmured. “Feeling tense.”

Ella nodded and flexed her arms and then her fingers before relaxing them again.

“Maybe you should take the next leg,” she commented, “but yeah, we could both do with a drink at least and maybe a snack.”

They moved round the shop collecting bits and pieces for an impromptu picnic and as Ella approached the tills to pay for it she caught sight of Roman at a display stand looking through the sunglasses. He picked up a pair and tried them on. A shake of his head indicated that he didn’t like them and quickly put them back before taking another pair to try on. He looked at her and she nodded knowing that he was checking with her that they were ok. She smiled at that too and grinned as he added them to the pile of stuff they were getting.

She pointed out the coffee machine in the corner behind the server and Roman nodded. Both of them indicated that they wanted a drink.

“Kava, da?” The server asked them making his words easy to understand.

“Da!” Ella murmured.

“želiš bijelu kavu?” he said slowly.

“And what do you think that is?” Roman murmured quietly to Ella.

“White coffee?” She shrugged, “No, er.. Ne?” she questioned wondering if she’d gotten the right word, “No milk,” she shook her head and watched in frustration before catching the server nodding and making both coffees black. He handed them over and added the price to the till watching as Ella opened her handbag and pulled out a wallet. She opened it up and offered him a banknote before grinning as he placed it back in her hands and took a smaller denomination. He rang up the purchases and gave her the change as Roman bagged up the items and picked up one of the coffees.

“I don’t know how to say thank you,” Ella murmured worrying at her bottom lip with her teeth as she put her wallet away and collected her coffee.

“Now that one I can do,” Roman declared, “Hvala,” he pronounced unable to lose his Australian accent.

Ella smiled over at him before copying him and the two of them left together going over to the bike. She looked around and spotted a picnic table with a couple of benches to the side of the place. Pointing to it Roman nodded and followed her there placing down the bag with everything in on top.

“Got a lot of chocolate there,” he murmured.

Ella found herself paling and then flushing. She had picked up extra bars of chocolate along with a large bag of chips they both liked. She’d been looking around the shop and caught the scent of his aftershave, then seeing the way his jacket sleeves had tightened with the movement of his biceps as he reached up to a higher shelf to pick something up. She couldn’t even remember what he’d been reaching for so transfixed on looking at his muscles. He’d shot her a look then and she’d reached out and put a handful of things into the basket.

“Was hungry,” she murmured and slipped the lid off her coffee to blow on the hot liquid to cool it. She wondered idly if someone could just blow on her to cool her off and then flushed at the way that led her thoughts to other things. And great, now she was going to get back on the bike with him, her thighs pressed against his, her arms wrapped around his waist so she’d be able to feel his taut abs working as he steered the bike along the road.

With her face flushing even more she made a show of moving around the table and sitting down. Fishing in the bag she withdrew one of the packets of sandwiches and made a show of opening the packet and taking one of them out. She frowned as Roman moved to sit next to her before sighing as his aftershave reached her again making her nose twitch as she inhaled deeply.

“Ok?” he murmured quickly.

“Fine,” she replied and could have cursed how stiltedly her voice came out.

“Sure?”

Short of telling him to mind his own business and then stalking away she nodded and pinned a smile to her face before finally taking a drink of the coffee. Her smile grew appreciative as the rich brew spread over her taste buds.

“Good is it?” he smirked.

“Oh yes,” she murmured happily.

He reached for his own cup and took a tentative sip before smiling and nodding.

“Very good.”

“For a road side place,” she told him her eyes twinkling with mischief.

He smirked at her before unzipping his jacket and slipping it off, he folded it up and placed it on the top granting her another demonstration of his biceps as he reached for his sandwich. He sniffed at it and then took a big bite.

“What is it?”

“Some kind of spicy sausage,” he commented. “Pretty good.”

“Does that mean you are going to have garlic breath?” she asked before she could stop herself and caught his surprised look before he grinned.

“Pretty much,” he murmured before leaning close and blowing softly against her cheek.

She gasped at the arousal that ground through her at his closeness, at the way he’d massaged her back earlier, at feeling his arms pressed tight around her on the bike. This was too much, she thought before their lips met in a soul-searing kiss that made her toes curl.

“What!” She gasped out pushing him away.

Roman stared at her with an expression of shock on his face. The last time he felt that shaken by one of her kisses had been back in the day. He frowned and then smiled before frowning again. This was not what he planned. No, kissing her was wrong. So why did he reach out and pull her closer and kiss her again?

Ella wound her arms around his neck and kissed him back. She felt the warm tingles singing through her blood before meeting the fire at her woman core. This was amazing and wrong, so wrong considering where they were in their relationship. It didn’t mean anything, her mind screamed at her. But, it felt amazing.

She felt his hands moulding her body into his and she sighed at the way her skin tingled at the contact with his. She wanted to be naked, to be naked and under him, feeling that body contact from her lips to her toes. Feel his hands moulding and sculpting her body. Feeling them moving together. All these thoughts ran through her head in a matter of moments during their kiss and then the distant hum of a car engine approaching reminded her where they were and she broke contact with him.

“That was intense,” Roman whispered the words she was thinking and she blinked up at him. “Damn!” He added in a shaken voice. “El, we need to talk.”

“There’s the bike,” they heard called out.

Roman looked over at Ella and eased up moving slowly away from her and over to the boys. She heard voices as he told them about getting some food here before carrying on and she was grateful that he’d distracted them to give her the chance to pull herself together. She grabbed her coffee and sucked it down feeling her hand trembling. Looking up she saw Roman coming round the corner and she pinned a smile on her face.

“I take it that Jacko and the others have caught up with us?”

“Apparently you ride like a maniac.”

Ella forced herself to give a little chuckle before she made the mistake of looking up at Roman and meeting his gaze. Her breath caught in her throat and she felt her heart miss a beat at the raw naked hunger in his gaze. He moved over to her and leaned down his lips touching the end of her nose in a delicate kiss.

“Later,” he promised his voice husky and sounding deeper than ever before.

She pressed her lips together and reached for her coffee only to see that the cup was empty. Roman caught her movements and smiled softly before he reached for his cup and placed that in her nervous hands. Straightening up he cleared the rubbish from the table and walked over to the bin to place it inside. Then carried on walking and disappeared into the filling station’s shop.

Ella sighed and sipped the coffee before she reached for her sandwich. She had no appetite left but needed to eat to keep her energy levels going.

“Speed freak,” Jacko muttered as he moved to sit opposite her minutes later.

“Just because you drive like an old man,” Ella shot back.

“Old woman,” Roman corrected moving to her side of the table and sitting down.

“Huh!” Jacko muttered indignantly.

He reached into his bag and drew out his food just as the other two pitched up and claimed seats on the bench next to him.

“So what time do you think we’ll get there?” Ella asked softly her gaze flicking to Roman as though she was drawn to look at him. She didn’t notice Jacko and Pete watching carefully.

“With your riding? About an hour,” James muttered.

“And with Roman’s?” She asked a grinning emerging across her lips as she spoke.

“A few days,” Jacko muttered around a bite of his sandwich.

“Hey!”

The three men laughed at Roman’s protest before lapsing into silence as they ate their food. Ella glanced at Roman seeing the way his eyes creased up at the corners as he smiled. She loved the way he smiled and gulped as the enormity of what was happening between them hit her. They were falling in love. Just like back in the day, as he would say. Back when they didn’t have the emotional baggage of kids and loss and the other one hundred and one little things between them. Her thoughts brought her up short, they did have that stuff so ignoring it and heading off on this emotional rollercoaster was wrong, was somehow selfish.

As if he read her thoughts he placed his hand on her leg before finding her hand and taking it within his own. She gave him a look and wanted to pull her hand away from him. She wanted to retreat and force him somehow to acknowledge that they were more than just Roman and Ella from back in the day and didn’t know why she didn’t.

“So you know the route?” James asked after he’d finished his sandwich.

“Yes,” Roman muttered all too aware of Ella’s tension beside him. “Reckon another two hours and we’ll be there.”

“Do you think she’ll remember us?”

Roman glanced at Pete and James before looking at Jacko and answering the question.

“She might, if she doesn’t then,” he shrugged.

“What are you going to do if she doesn’t?” Ella asked slowly.

“Bid her farewell and head back to the hotel,” Pete murmured.

Ella could detect a subtle invasive tension amongst the men, putting it down to the tense situation they were about to face. She glanced at Roman again and found him watching her before he moved their joined hands and placed them on his leg. He let go of her hand then and lifted it up so he could focus on his food. She would have teased him before, sliding her hand up and down his leg but a crippling kind of shyness kept her hand still on his thigh.

“About ready?” Pete murmured looking at the debris of their impromptu picnic.

“We’ll catch you up,” Roman told them indicating with his half eaten sandwich.

“Ok,” James nodded and the three men tidied away their stuff before disappearing around the corner and over to the car.

Roman waited for the car to start up and move off before he turned to Ella and pulled her into his arms.

“Let’s just enjoy this and see where it goes,” he suggested.

“I can’t,” the two words were ripped out of her and she felt his immediate withdrawal. “We’ve got kids Roman, we’ve got commitments. This, whatever this is, feels wrong somehow because …” she stopped and gulped back her next words before easing out of his embrace and after standing up she headed over to the ladies toilet and disappeared inside.

Roman sighed before finishing the last of his sandwich. He reached into the back and drew out one of the chocolate bars and ate that before washing it down with the last of the coffee. Standing he cleared the table of rubbish and sorted out what they had left, taking his new sunglasses out of the bag and removing the tags. Looking up he saw Ella walking back out of the ladies and nodded at her before he walked over into the men’s. A glance in the cracked mirror above the washbasin showed him a depressed man and he hated his reflection for a moment. He used the facilities before heading back out to her. She was standing near the table, her arms folded across her and her foot tapping.

“What did I do now?” he asked sounding defeated to his own ears.

“You took my chocolate bar!”

“I took one of them,” he muttered.

“The one that was my favourite,” Ella shot back.

“You have others,” he pointed out rationally.

“But I wanted that one,” a whiny note in her voice.

“You can’t always have what you want, sometimes you have to settle for what you’ve got.”

“Is that some kind of euphemism?” She screeched out.

“No, it’s just you always wanting something else,” he cried.

“I want you!” she shouted, her chest heaving with the rapid breaths she was sucking in.

Roman took one, two steps until he was beside her and pulled her into his arms and his lips crashed down on hers as he kissed her like he’d never kissed her before. She pressed herself close to him, close enough for him to feel her tremble. He pulled back and looked at her.

“No,” she whispered, “I..er…”

“I love you Ella,” he told her quietly. “I don’t know what has happened or why but I know that I still love you and yes, I do know that we have so much to work out, I know I’ve hurt people, the people who care about me and I can’t take it back but I love you so will you please give me a chance?”

Ella nodded unable to meet his gaze as she absorbed his impassioned words.

“El.”

“Yes,” she told him.

Looking up at him she felt a shudder go through him before he kissed her again as though he was making a promise with the simple touch of his lips on hers and she felt a hundred different emotions slipping through her and then felt bereft when he eased back and away from her. He reached into the bag he’d collected from the filling station shop and drew out a long floral scarf. Stepping back towards her he wound it carefully around her neck and tucked the edges inside her jacket.

“There, now that is better,” he said slowly looking down at her.

Ella touched the soft material and sighed before murmuring her thanks to him feeling a blush staining her cheeks.

“Perfect,” he said leaning forward and kissing her again.

“We should go,” she declared quickly.

Roman nodded and gathered everything off the table. He watched as she tucked various bits and pieces in her handbag and moved over to the motorbike.

“Keys,” Roman called catching up to her.

She handed over the keys and smiled as their fingers touched before they donned helmets and gloves and climbed on to the bike. Within moments they set off.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 123

Roman eased the bike to a slow stop and kicked the stand down. He glanced over at the three men before lifting the visor on his helmet.

“She set it up in his…” Jacko shook his head and paced a little way away.

Roman removed his gloves and helmet before reaching around and tapping Ella. He felt her stirring before she stretched and eased slowly off the motorbike.

“What the…” Pete muttered realising that Ella had been asleep on the back of the bike.

“Mate,” Roman cautioned grinning at the other man.

Ella removed her helmet and yawned before stretching again. She tucked the gloves away inside the black helmet and waited for Roman to climb off the bike before she placed it on the seat.

“What’s wrong with Jacko?” She asked Roman.

He answered her by pointing to the house and waited, seeing the recognition dawning on her face.

“Alexi’s palace?” she muttered looking at the house in front of them seeing the pale pink Mediterranean style villa. “She set up the orphanage here?”

Looking round the others she saw the shock reflected on their faces and bit back a sigh. This must have been one of the last places they wanted to be. Moving over to Roman she ran her hand down his back before leaning up and placing a kiss on his cheek.

“She spoke English?” She asked even though she already knew the answer. She caught Roman giving her a look even as Pete answered her question.

“Yes she did,” Pete said softly.

“Then let’s knock,” Ella moved towards the gate and looked around seeing if there was an intercom.

“El, we need a moment,” Roman murmured moving to her side.

“Seems that you’ve had 17 years of moments. You’ve come this far so just press the button,”

“Everything is always simple to you isn’t it Missy,” Jacko muttered.

“If you thought that you don’t know me at all.”

Roman picked up the note in Ella’s voice and also the unaccustomed bitter tone of Jacko’s. Looking round the group he finally saw that he wasn’t the only one suffering because of their past.

“So what are you doing?” Ella muttered after silence descended amongst them.

“Is there an intercom?” Roman asked quietly and saw Ella nodding. Striding over to where she was he hoped he was giving off confident vibes as he pressed the button and spoke into it. “Hello,” he called, “Ramisa Bosnjak.”

He noticed that they all seemed to be waiting with trepidation for the response as he looked amongst the group. Releasing the button he heard muffled crackle of static and a stream of words. Looking to James as their language expert he smirked remembering the fractured German the other man had tried without success in the restaurant.

“How about next time we look someone up we bring a translator?” Ella suggested and heard sniggers from around the group as their tension levels were diffused. She caught Roman giving her a look as if to say he knew that she’d done that deliberately and blushed at his knowing expression.

Another stream of words erupted from the intercom and they looked to one another before James pulled out the IPad and searched to see if he could get a signal. Finally getting it to connect he pulled up a translator and typed in some words before approaching the intercom.

“Je Ramisa Bosnjak postiji molim vas?” James said repeating the words the computer said to him.

“Now why didn’t we get one of them?” Pete muttered in the background.

Another stream of language came from the intercom before a voice the men recognised spoke in the background.

“Who is it?” the heavily accented words sounded out.

“It’s Roman.”

They heard more speaking before seeing the front door open in the distance and a woman begin walking towards them. Jacko and Pete moved to stand next to Roman and James and all four of them stood up straighter as though they were still in the army and about to be inspected by their commanding officer and in normal circumstances Ella would have at the least smiled at this but she knew that this was too sensitive for them, especially her husband and Jacko.

“Roman?” the woman murmured, and then, “Jacko, Pete, James,”

“Hello,” Roman spoke first stepping forward as she unlocked the gate and walked through it towards them.

“Why you come back?”

“We needed,” Roman’s voice broke and he trailed off.

“Hello, I’m Ella, Roman’s wife,” Ella began stepping forward and offering Ramisa her hand to shake. “We came to see you because we needed to know you were ok,” she offered in explanation.

“But how you find me?” Ramisa began and then took a step back. “He’s free,” she added in horror touching the pale scar on the side of her face.

“No,” Ella said quickly stepping forward and placing her hand on the other woman’s. She eased it down away from her face and made eye with her, seeing fear reflected in Ramisa’s intense brown gaze. “Alexi is dead, he’ll never hurt anyone again, I promise.”

Roman heard the sentiment in Ella’s voice immediately knowing that she was referring not just to Alexi in that moment but also Gardy. His eyes flew to Ramisa’s and he recognised the pain in the other woman’s face. He paled and stepped back not wanting to crowd her with his presence. He shared a look with Ella and she nodded at him.

“So why you see me?” Ramisa asked.

“My husband and his friends needed to know something,” Ella said softly.

“Come, you need drink, da?”

They followed the woman through the gate and walked up the long driveway toward the still open front door.

“Hardcore, what do you think Alexi would say now about his house turning pink and filled with kids?” Jacko said slowly.

Roman gave a small chuckle before pointing out to Ella a dark haired young boy peeking through one of the upstairs windows at them. He smiled as she smiled before reaching and taking hold of her hand. He grinned some more when she stepped closer to him, close enough so that he caught a whiff of her perfume enveloping him with its sensuous undertones.

They moved slowly inside, Ella noticing that the four men looked around carefully as though they almost expected Alexi or some of his men to pop up from some dark corner. She appreciated even more what her husband had gone through seeing this uneasy reaction from the men and gave his hand a squeeze as though she could communicate her sympathy and love in that simple touch.

“Kava?”

“Da,” Ella murmured looking at the others.

They were escorted through the villa and long the long corridor. Before Roman remembered this had just been terracotta tiles on the floor but Ramisa had covered them with a selection of rag rugs softening up the long corridor. They hadn’t gone into the kitchen before and seeing it now it was obvious it wasn’t how Alexi had it. A large scarred table with mismatched chairs stood to one side near patio doors that led outside to a patio area and Ramisa indicated that they should sit there whilst she moved to the wood-burning stove and dealt with the kettle. Ella nodded at them and eased into a chair sitting next to Roman as he too sat down. Slowly the others moved around the table and claimed seats each of them looking uncomfortable.

“So, anyway,” Ella began looking round each of the men before speaking again. “My husband and friends wanted to check on you,” she explained slowly.

“Why?”

“We wanted to know you were ok?” It was Jacko who spoke surprising them with the husky qualities in his voice. He met Raisma’s dark brown velvet gaze and offered a timid smile to her.

“I have, good, yes good life.”

Roman glanced at Ella seeing her nod in encouragement. He offered her a smile before looking up and over at Raisma as she walked towards them with a tray of drinks.

“We, well, I was wondering, things after I took Alexi, did they get better?” he asked breathing out a long slow sighing breath afterwards. He felt Ella reaching across and taking hold of his hand and at the same time trailing the fingers of her other hand down his back before resting the same hand in the small of his back. He felt the warmth of her hand and welcomed the comfort that the familiar touch wrought within him.

“Da, yes,” Raisma handed out the cups of strong coffee and passed a jug of milk to Jacko first.

“We, takes this house,” She lifted her free hand to her throat as she eased slowly into a chair and took a seat opposite them. Looking around the group she mouthed some words in her native tongue before speaking again, “how you say, faction, yes, we,” she stopped and lowered her hand to gesture in the air just above the table, drawing an imaginary circle, “We take this place, easy, Alexi’s men they go,” she shrugged, “so we take djeca, the children, and bring them here.”

“Roman,” Ella said his name softly and he turned to look at her, seeing only love reflected on her features. In the one word she was checking he was ok. He nodded at her before looking at his men, yes his men. Years may have gone past and things happened between them but he still needed to make sure they were ok and immediately felt guilty that he hadn’t kept in touch better with them especially as if there were any problems he and Ella were going through, his men were there for them no questions asked.

“Can we take a look around?” Roman found himself asking and caught Pete and Jacko nodding out the corner of his eye.

“Da,” Raisma nodded.

Silence settled between all the people sitting round the table, only disturbed by the sounds of cups moving and clinking as they drank from them before Pete coughed clearing his throat.

“Is there anything you want us to do?” He asked.

“Što?”

“Er, like, er, painting,” Pete murmured his eyes going to James who still held the IPad. He nodded at the other man and watched as he typed something into the IPad and showed Raisma. She looked over at them all and slowly nodded.

“Da, yes, slikarstvo, uređenje i vrtlarstvo,” Raisma lifted her hand and mimed a paint brush action, “painting,”

“Er Pete, did you just volunteer us?” Jacko muttered.

“Problem?”

Jacko nodded at Pete’s soft spoken question.

“Normally that idiot gets us doing stuff we don’t want to do,” he said pointing at Roman.

Roman couldn't help joining in with the laughter going round the table. He met Ella’s gaze and nodded just the once, just to confirm that this was ok, and also in a strange way asking if she was alright with the way things were going. She nodded back at him, her free hand still in the centre of his back. They were doing ok, being together like this and he felt happy, well happier than he had for a long time.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 124

Roman watched as the three men struggled with their tent. He could have laughed at them but then Ella, even though she wasn’t there, would have known and poked him in the ribs again. Did he mention again? Because she hadn’t been that happy when he’d decided after a few hours helping Raisma that the only solution was to race into the nearest town and pick up camping supplies so they could stay overnight. They were miles from the nearest town and he didn’t want to put the other woman to any trouble, such as finding four beds for them.

He smirked as he remembered Jacko announcing that they’d bought him a double sleeping bag. Just watching the way Ella had blushed and sworn had made him smile even though his ribs had copped a sharp poke. She was off having decided that she needed to pick up a few ‘girly’ things and he was now heading off to gather wood for the fire. His tent was already put up being the smaller of the two it was easier to manage and he didn’t let on, the instructions had come in English too unlike the four man tent the others had. He could have pointed out that they did used to sleep under the stars at one point with just their waterproof cover but they probably would have killed him, or well made sure Ella did.

And Ella, his thoughts drifted to her. She and Raisma seemed to hit it off remarkably well, not that he expected anything less of his wife. She had a way of getting people to open up in conjunction with putting them at their ease. The other woman had shown them round the villa where they’d seen the small schoolroom Raisma had created in the poolhouse for the children that didn’t attend the village school. The swimming pool itself had been long drained. She pointed out the long crack in it and explained that there had been an earthquake. As he looked at the broken and cracked blue tiles lining the sides of the deep pit he’d remembered when he’d finally finished the swimming pool at the house and filled that. Without looking at Ella he’d told Raisma that he could fix it if she wanted.

Her hesitant reply had confused him until Ella had asked if any of the kids could swim. Pete and Jacko had taken the proverbial of course, mocking him for signing them up for more than they could do in the few days they said they could stay. James had just given him one of his deep looks and nodded before offering to come back and show the kids how to swim.

His offer had shocked them all into silence and as they moved away from the pool he found Ella reaching out to take hold of his hand. Before he knew he would have found a way of disentangling himself and moving away but now he found her touch comforting and familiar. Pulling her closer to him he ignored the curious looks he got from Pete and Jacko and carried on walking following Raisma.

They’d headed inside again then and she showed them the first rooms pointing out what had been the large living room was now a dormitory for the kids along with a number of upstairs bedrooms. She pointed out the dining room that had once housed Alexi’s sixteen seater table and chairs now had a number of scavenged tables and chairs in. A shared look with the others showed him that they remembered the ornate mahogany carvings on the chairs and the table along with the wooden panelling on the walls. Raisma had explained that it had been broken up and they’d used the remainder as firewood when the first winters had come and they’d had no electricity or heating.

He supposed it made them all think how lucky they were to live in Australia. A Country that had never been through a civil war and most of its inhabitants had never known the hardships that could come from that.

“So,” Jacko had muttered.

“We clean and decorate all the rooms. They could do with it. Tidy the garden. Three days, let’s see what we can do,” He’d murmured turning and looking at the men. His words had sounded like one of the orders he’d given them in the past but each of them knew he was actually asking if they wanted to help him with the tasks he felt he needed to do. He smiled at their nods and murmured words before they’d moved out into the garden.

One side of the former manicured gardens was taken up by crops Raisma and her volunteers were growing and he caught Ella grinning at him as he walked through the garden spotting various herbs growing amongst the vegetables. He’d nodded and grinned as he looked at the crops and then pointed to the small stack of garden tools.

“Going to need more than that to tackle the rest of it,” He’d told them and saw Ella raise an eyebrow and give him one of her looks at the way he’d taken charge. He’d shot her one of his famous grins before he and the others had moved around collecting tools and begun attacking the rest of the garden cutting down weeds and tackling the long grass.

They’d cleared a good proportion of it before stopping for the meal that Raisma had prepared for them and that was when he’d come up with the idea of getting the tents and camping overnight. They’d claimed a corner of the villa’s compound, behind the poolhouse to give them shelter but also access to the toilets in the building. He found himself looking at his watch and frowning. Ella had been gone a long time. She didn’t know the area and with the language differences he began to worry about her. Taking the pile of firewood he found he carried it back to where they’d set the tents up and began assembling the fire.

“Think you can remember how to start a fire?” Jacko muttered.

“Better than you!” Roman murmured and then smirked as he drew out a box of matches from his pocket and shook the box in front of the other man. “Helps if you have these!”

“Ahh!” Jacko groaned as Pete and James laughed at him.

“I’m hungry,” Pete murmured after some time had passed. The sky was beginning to darken above them and Roman caught the others looking at him.

“I’m sure Ella is fine.”

“Yeah, Hardcore, ain’t like this isn’t another country that she’s gone tearing off on her bike…” Jacko let the sentence hang between them as they shared identical looks.

“Can’t believe he ain’t rung her yet,” Pete added after a moment.

Roman shook his head and looked at what he was doing. He’d gathered up dry leaves and twigs and put them in a small pile in the middle of a ring of stones. Striking one of the matches he held it to the kindling and watched as it caught. Being careful he added more sticks to it as the flames sought further fuel before he was able to get it going completely, he added the first of a number of logs to it and saw a shower of reds sparks drift up into the air.

“Anyone would think that he’s done that recently,” Pete shot out.

James shook his head looking over at the others. “Don’t you think you should stop giving him a hard time?”

Pete and Jacko shared a look before shaking their heads. “Nah!” They said at the same time.

Roman shook his head before he stood and stretched. He felt muscles in his back aching reminding him that he wasn’t as young as he was the first time he was here and frowned at the rogue thoughts going through his head.

“Hey,” they heard called to them as Ella walked around the back of the building towards them. She had a number of bags in her hands and she dumped them down on the ground as she moved towards the fire.

“Where have you been?” Roman shot out and heard the others laugh at him.

“Seriously?” Ella murmured meeting his gaze.

“Well,” Roman flushed.

“Raisma has some food for us ready if you want to fetch it.”

“We’ll, er, just go and get it,” Pete murmured nudging James and then Jacko and the three of them began walking towards the house.

“Spoil all my fun, I was just waiting to hear what …”

“Come on,” Pete said nudging Jacko ahead of him as they walked along.

Roman turned to Ella feeling his cheeks warm from embarrassment at his earlier outburst.

“I was…”

“Could have texted me…” Ella began at the same time as him.

“I didn’t realise how much I was worrying,” he shrugged trying to lesson what he was feeling somehow with the dismissive gesture.

Ella nodded and moved closer to the fire warming her hands.

“Tents up.”

“Yup,” Roman murmured.

“I can’t believe you are making me sleep outside.”

Roman chuckled looking at the expression on her face.

“Come on it will be romantic,” he murmured and groaned remembering that they would be sleeping within a short area of the others before he remembered that their relationship was still struggling. Especially in that respect.

“Oh there won’t be any romance. None.”

“El,” he shot out quickly.

“None.”

She stood and stalked over to where she’d dropped the bags and picked one up before almost throwing it at him. He caught it in self-defence and frowned at her.

“What..”

“I’m sure you can share that lot with the others,” she snapped before picking up the other bag. She frowned realising she didn’t have anywhere to storm too before glaring at him and going over to the smaller tent and going inside and zipping it up after her.

Roman frowned at the way she’d disappeared before he opened up the bag and peered cautiously inside. He saw a packet of five toothbrushes along with packets of underwear and socks and assorted toiletries and smiled at her thoughtfulness before approaching the tent and unzipping it. He saw Ella in the middle of freshening up and he gasped when he saw her with her top off.

“I..er…I…” he stuttered.

“Oh for goodness sake Roman, you’ve seen me nude before,” Ella snapped.

“Look, can you just drop the hostility because I’m getting fed up of it,” he snapped out. “I came to thank you for the stuff.”

“Fine,” Ella reached for her vest top and dragged it over her head before wrapping the floral scarf around her neck.

He looked at her before shaking his head and striding over to her he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

“Now that is better,” he murmured after a moment.

Ella glared at him before striding past him and out the tent. She pulled on her jacket and moved to sit next to the fire warming her hands once more.

“Oh, I got a couple bottles of stuff,” Ella called to Roman after a moment.

He peered at her from his stance just inside the tent watching as she pointed to her handbag and he nodded picking it up. He opened it and saw two bottles of Rajika.

“You know what this is?”

“Dome kind of booze,” Ella shrugged. “It looked like it was drinkable.”

“We were informed that this is the national drink.”

“I found some kind of market town,” she stopped and looked at him as he moved to sit next to her.

“Can you help them?” he asked slowly.

“You mean the foundation?”

Roman nodded slowly.

“I can only make a call and see if they will send someone out to evaluate the place,” Ella bit her lip. “Personally I can help, of course I can.”

Roman leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

“I would love it if you could make the call.”

She nodded again and looked at her watch.

“It will have to be tomorrow now but I’ll speak to them, see if the trustees think this is within their bounds,” she said slowly.

“What is that?” James asked overhearing part of the conversation as he moved towards them. He handed over a plate with salad and sandwiches on to Ella. “That is yours,” he added and then passed over a plate to Roman with stew and vegetables.

“That..”

“It’s ok,” Ella said quickly. “I told her to make this for me.”

Holding his plate with one hand he reached into her bag and pulled out the bag of potato chips and placed the bag into her lap.

“Fine,” Ella mumbled feeling her cheeks flush. She carefully balanced her plate and opened up the packet taking a handful of crisps out and munching on them.

“Ok,” Jacko called as he and Pete joined them as they sat at the fire. James was handed his dinner by Pete and they began eating.

“So what was that about trustees?”

“nothing,” Ella muttered quickly.

“They don’t know?” Roman asked picking up on her avoidance and their puzzled looks.

“No,” she said urgently.

“Ella.”

He felt a mixture of pride at knowing something about her that others didn’t and then an immediate sense of guilt. Taking hold of her hand he lifted it to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss on it before nodding at her.

“Fine, “ Ella muttered, “I have ties to a foundation for the benefit of victims of landmines. I’m not like the patron or anything, I just donate money to them and help them occasionally.”

“And Hardcore reckons they can help here?” Jacko said slowly.

“It’s a long shot, but yeah, they might be able to help. Provide some equipment and well, some of the older kids who were victims of landmines could get some help with prosthetics. I don’t know.”

Roman looked at her and urged her to meet his gaze. He’d been proud of her for so many different things over the years but now, with her revealing about her ties with the landmine charity she’d been an ardent supporter of since before she’d come back into his life all those years ago.

She finally looked up at him and met his gaze before lowering her head and focusing on her food.

“Well, guess there are a few things we don’t know,” Jacko grinned. “Like just how Hardcore got so domesticated.”

“Hey,” Roman protested quickly and found the others grinning over at him.

“So, we, er, will be doing some painting, yeah,” Jacko said slowly. “Maybe rearranging furniture and hanging curtains too?”

Roman flushed at their mocking of him. “Jacko!” He protested again.

The three men laughed at Roman’s discomfort.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 125

“You’re cold,” Roman murmured softly his voice reaching through the myriad of the thoughts that were racing through Ella’s mind. They were trying to get some sleep but being this close to Roman, in the same sleeping bag was reminding her of how far apart they had seemed to have grown as a couple. Before they would have snuggled, his arms going around her as they spooned or she would have placed her head on his shoulder and pressed herself close to him. It was all too evident they were struggling with her being scared to move closer to him. Could she really handle another rejection although they had spent the day getting, no, not getting, being in some crazy mind trick playing time warp where everything seemed to keep reminding them of how they had first fallen in love and what it felt like to be together then.

“Yeah.”

“Come here,” He turned towards her and reached for her hands and rubbed them gently within his own before lifting them to his lips and blowing on them to warm them. Then after smirking at the sigh she couldn’t hold back the soft sigh she uttered he placed them flat on his chest before gently rubbing her arms and pulling her closer to him.

“This is not…” she began struggling against him.

She sighed and sank into his arms feeling his warmth seeping through to her. Reminding herself sternly not to build this up into anything she rested her head on his shoulder and snuggled as close as she could get.

“Thank you,” he whispered before he turned his head and kissed her.

Ella groaned against his lips and returned his kiss. She felt warm tingles spreading through her body and put it down to warming up. Except of course they only started when his lips pressed softly against hers.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as the kiss deepened and felt him move against her pressing her back into the folds of the sleeping bag.

“Oh,” he murmured against her lips. “You certainly chose your moments!”

Ella started and moved her hands to push against his shoulders trying to get him away from her.

“Wildcat! I was talking to myself!” He gasped out and eased back from her.

“What?”

She felt him chuckle as he moved in the sleeping bag pulling her with him until she couldn’t help but lay in his arms again.

“I er… was enjoying that,” he confessed and she could imagine the look on his face. Before she could comment she felt him wriggle next to her as he got comfortable and she flushed as she felt the full length of his body against hers. “We haven’t talked,” he murmured.

“Now isn’t the time,” Ella whispered furiously.

“It isn’t the time for a lot of things.”

She couldn’t have felt worse than if he’d slapped her. She wanted to wrench herself away from him and get out of this stupid sleeping bag. She felt her whole body tense and couldn’t shake off the negative feelings flowing through her.

“Maybe you need to keep your hands to yourself,” she hissed and heard Roman sigh beside her. She pulled away from him at last and settled down in the sleeping bag as far as she could get from him. He responded by moving with her and putting his arms around her.

“Just keeping you warm,” he commented when she sighed again.

‘Damn him,’ she thought feeling herself slip back against his chest and her body relaxing. She cursed again inside her head, and not just ‘damn’ or ‘blast’ but the big swearwords she barely said aloud. He was so damn annoying. Like freaking annoying. She blew out a slow breath, trying not to sigh, again, and give him a clue that she was being affected by his closeness. The shower gel and body spray she’d bought had mixed with his natural scent and she couldn’t help the way she’d kept inhaling as she got used to the new fragrance on him. Her man smelt different, although it wasn’t entirely unpleasant, she thought breathing it in again.

“Now why did I put our tent so close to theirs?” Roman murmured softly his breath ruffling her hair as he spoke.

“Maybe you could be quiet!” She said and gasped at words slipping past her guard.

“Not me who can’t be quiet,” Roman said in response and she felt her face flame again, “Are you warming up?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good, night my Ella,” Roman said quietly and leaned forward to kiss her cheek.

She felt another flush starting, the heat radiating through her and pressed her lips together to stop herself from saying anything. She closed her eyes and pretended that she was going to sleep.

Roman lay hearing her breathing change and slow and felt her relax in his arms. He knew he wasn’t going to get a lot of sleep holding her this, close to his body. He sighed. She’d had a shower earlier and sat in front of the campfire combing her hair to dry it. He’d been fascinated by the way her hair had looked one minute light brown and the next, blonde, almost golden, and the soft gentle waves falling on to her shoulders. He’d been fascinated by her. Now lying next to her he inhaled deeply, it didn’t smell like her normal strawberry scent, but the new fragrance wasn’t abhorrent to him, sort of wheat and flowers, even a honey smell.

Now he lay there. With her in his arms. It was exquisite torture to feel her next to him, so trusting despite all their recent angst. If he moved his head just slightly he would be able to place a kiss to the back of her neck, from there he would trail his lips along her shoulder. She would tense just ever-so-slightly before he would hear her utter that small breathy sigh of hers and relax against him. How he’d slide his hands down her arms next and then put an arm tight around her pulling her as close to him as he could. Did she realise how arousing he found it when she surrendered to his touch? When she moved in his arms and turned to kiss him. When she wrapped her arms around his neck, or reached out to touch him.

He froze as his thoughts rambled on. It didn’t matter how she touched him because they weren’t at the stage where they could make love, let alone the fact that they were just yards away from the other three men sleeping in their tent. It didn’t stop his body reacting from the feeling of Ella being in his arms.

With a turgid sigh he reached out and kissed the back of her neck.

Ella thought she was dreaming when she felt his lips pressing softly to the back of her neck. She murmured something under her breath before turning in his arms. Her lips sought out his in the dark of the tent before they fused and met his passion kiss for kiss. The ground felt hard underneath them but the un-comfortableness of their surroundings disappeared as they moved clothing aside to kiss and touch each other. The passion of earlier interwove and grew until they could resist the lure of it. Joining together they stifled the other’s cries with kisses. After, they laid in each other’s arms holding on as though it had been something final.

Roman groaned. He hadn’t wanted to make love. Well of course he wanted to make love. He just wanted. God. All that time he’d been angry at her. All that time he’d wasted. All that time he’d. He’d been a flaming jerk. He was going to spend a long time making up for the way he’d hurt her. A long time.

Ella stemmed back tears that wanted to flow down her face. She hated being with him. She’d hated making love. Nothing was really sorted. Nothing was changed. He was still hurting and as long as he had unresolved issues they couldn’t move forward. Hiding her face from him she moved in the sleeping bag focusing on pulling on the vest top she’d decided to sleep in and reclaiming her underpants. She heard his soft laughter as she wriggled in the sleeping bag next to him and felt an anger develop. She wanted to hit him suddenly. To hurt him the way he’d been hurting her for months. Seething, she pulled slightly away from him, prevented from escaping by the sleeping bag.

“Nothing’s changed,” Roman whispered softly.

She thought she’d whispered the words at first and frowned at the sentiment he’d attached to them.

“No,” she agreed.

“I thought so. El, please just give us a chance.”

Ella shook her head and rubbed at the tears that had escaped her control and fallen from her eyes.

“I can’t keep giving chances Roman. I can’t put us or the kids through it. And falling into some romantic trap here isn’t going to help when we are back home and dealing with the mundane day in-day out of our marriage. “

“I understand all that Ella. I’m not.”

“Not what?”

“Thinking that you can forgive me,” he said with a note of finality in his voice.

“No, I can’t.”

She turned away from him and closed her eyes. Suddenly the emotional exhaustion added to the physical exhaustion of the day and she felt herself slipping quicker into sleep than she expected.

Unable to resist Roman turned towards her and tentatively put his arms around her. He breathed out a sigh of relief when she didn’t pull away from him, although there wasn’t a lot of room for her to move to he bet she’d still manage to evade him if she put her mind to it. He closed his eyes and slowly slipped into sleep.

Roman woke up alone. He cursed softly before grabbing his jeans and yanking them on. Pulling them up as he manoeuvred out of the sleeping bag he kicked away the excess material as he fastened his jeans. He tugged on his t shirt and stepped out of the tent and looked around. The campsite was empty. He stopped for a moment and listened before yanking on clean socks and his trainers. Pulling his watch from his pocket he flinched when he saw the time as he fastened it to his wrist. Walking slowly towards the house he listened out for voices.

The car was parked where they’d left it the previous night but Ella’s bike was gone and he flinched wondering if she’d decided she had to leave. Come to think of it he hadn’t noticed any of her things left in the tent and grimaced at the way his thoughts were going before he moved round the house and into the kitchen.

“Morning Hardcore!” Jacko called as he stepped over the doorway into the room.

“Jacko,” Roman greeted trying not to pounce on the man and ask about Ella.

“Kava?” Raisma called cheerfully.

“Da,” Roman replied and accepted the cup of dark coffee she poured out. He sipped from it and smiled as the caffeine hit his system.

“Your Mrs has gone to make some calls,” Jacko said slowly. “She’s going to be back later, the kids want to skype or someat.”

Roman nodded resisting the urge to press a kiss to Jacko’s head in gratefulness at the information.

“So where are the others?”

“They clean rooms,” Raisma told him in her careful English.

He grinned at that and then frowned at Jacko. What was he doing hanging out with the other woman? He was about to ask when Pete and James walked into the kitchen from the other end of the room.

“Morning,” Pete said quickly heading over to the worktop where the coffee pot was. He poured himself out a drink and moved to the fridge to take out the milk. He topped up his drink and offered the bottle to James who nodded and added milk to the coffee he’d poured out before putting the milk away.

“We’ve found some white paint in the back of the shed where we found the gardening tools,” James said moving over to sit at the table. “So we’ve cleared out the room where they feed the kids.”

“Yeah, we’ve washed down the walls.”

Roman nodded wondering when they had gotten up and how come he hadn’t heard them. Sipping from his coffee he tried to relax but the tension from the previous night’s discussion with Ella crept on to his shoulders and he knew he wouldn’t relax until he’d spoken to her, or at least checked that she was ok. He frowned at his thoughts and quickly drained his cup.

“Do we have brushes or rollers?”

“No,” James told him. “All the brushes were used and knackered.”

Roman looked at him and then round the others.

“Is the paint even ok?” He asked them.

Pete responded, “It’s fine, hadn’t been opened.”

“Ok so we should…” Roman trailed off when Jacko grinned at him.

“Oh yeah, and your Mrs is sorting that too.” He added.

Roman glared at the other man before getting up and moving to the coffee pot. He poured the last of the brew into his cup before looking round the men.

Raisma laughed suddenly as stood by the sink. She moved to collect the empty pot and went about making another one.

“You no changed,” she announced. “’Is one still all talk, them still … fixers, and you still in charge, yes,”

“Pretty much,” Pete confirmed his eyes straying to Jacko who’d blushed.

“It’s,” Raisma stopped and gestured with her hand as she grabbled for the word she wanted to use. “nice,” she finished.

“That is one word for it,” Roman murmured in a dry tone of voice and heard the others laugh. He lifted his head and looked in the direction of the doorway, smiling as Ella walked through it. He’d sensed her rather than heard her approach and he couldn’t help the smile on his face. She might deny anything left between them but he’d rediscovered that so maybe, just maybe they could get a few other things back and work out their issues. Looking at her he wondered briefly how she would have managed to bring supplies back on the bike when he caught her looking at him.

“El,” he said slowly.

“I’ve got some things coming,” she announced unable to meet his gaze. “And I’ve spoken to the trust.”

He breathed out slowly unaware he’d been holding his breath. He had to resist going over to her, not that he expected her to reject him, but because he wanted to give her space. He recognised that he had a careful line to tread now, not wanting to crowd her but at the same time not giving her the impression that he didn’t want her. He suspected that he had a fierce expression on his face because he caught her giving him an enquiring look. Trying to relax his features he half nodded and walked over to the table where he took a seat and looked at her.

“What did they say?” He asked finally.

“They’ll help.”

He didn’t like the finality in her voice. Had he judged it wrong? Did she need some reassurance? Last night may have been a mistake in her eyes but making love to her after such a long time and also after the emotion distance he’d imposed on them had felt like, well, heaven for want of a better description.

“Kava?” Raisma’s question broke into the sudden tense silence and he saw the flash of tears in Ella’s eyes.

“She’ll have a coffee,” he said quickly standing at the same time and collecting a clean cup handing that to Raisma for the drink. He held it as it was filled up before taking it over to Ella. Their fingers touched as he passed the cup to her and he manoeuvred her into sitting at the table and taking the seat next to her. “So what did they say?”

“The trust, well they’ll have to send some people out to look around and see what Raisma needs.”

“Da?” Raisma smiled as joined them at the table. “That is good, yes, they help us.”

Ella nodded.

“Then I think it was fate you came here, good, “ Raisma announced looking round the group.

Roman looked at them too before he turned to Ella. Fate. He didn’t like that word, too many times fate had conspired to keep him and Ella apart and he was damned if he was going to let it happen again.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 126

Three days of hard work had taken a toll on the men. First the cleaning and then decorating. Ella had organised a truck load of supplies to be delivered, plants and equipment for the garden, including a greenhouse which they’d planted and assembled accordingly. Then there were soft furnishings and things for the house, along with decorating supplies they’d needed and more cans of paint.

Ella had painted all the chairs and tables that had been in the dining room with a pale cream colour as they had done the walls with the white paint. It made the room look bigger and cleaner. He’d then fixed up the curtains that Ella had bought at the windows surprised that she’d managed to get the right width and length without measuring. The pale blue pattern on a white background adding to the overall effect and made more worthwhile when Raisma had shown the kids the final result. From their they’d decorated the main living room, reorganising the furniture and adding floor cushions for the kids to use before tackling one of the dormitories. Roman could tell that Ella had been torn between doing more for them or coming back to the hotel but they needed a break, needed to stop and take stock of what they’d accomplished. Besides that he needed to make sure that she was ok. They hadn’t talked much over the past three days, hiding behind being busy or having people with them.

As they stepped off the elevator and made their way to their rooms they made arrangements to meet for dinner in the restaurant downstairs in the hotel, none of them wanting a big evening. He and Ella moved into their bedroom and dumped their stuff to one side.

“I need a shower,” he commented stretching his arms above his head and easing the kinks in his arms.

“Go ahead,” Ella commented busying herself with unlacing her boots.

He looked at her before nodding and disappearing into the en suite. He glanced at the very large bathtub and moved over to it turning on the taps and fixing the plug in the bottom. Sorting through the complimentary toiletries he selected the bubble bath and added an overgenerous amount before swirling it round in the water. He left that filling as he stripped off his clothes and put them to one side grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist. Turning off the taps he turned and walked back into the bedroom seeing an exhausted looking Ella laying back on the bed. She’d taken off her clothes and was wearing one of the hotels bathrobes. He looked at her closed eyes and sighed at the dark circles underneath them.

“Come on,” he called watching with half a smile as her eyes shot open. She looked over at him and without protest let him bundle her into the bathroom and into the hot bath. Finding the sponge provided by the hotel he covered it with some of her shower stuff and reached down to wash her back.

“Thank you.”

He smiled at her stilted words before pressing a kiss to the top of her head and heading into the shower cubical. He could see her relaxing down in the hot water as he stepped under the hot spray himself letting it ease the kinks in his muscles just as he suspected that the bath was doing for her.

“When can we go home?”

He flinched at the defeated sounding question coming from her before shutting off the water and climbing out of the shower. Wrapping a towel around himself he grimaced at the new tension that had crawled along his shoulders. He was supposed to have all the answers and make the decisions and right now he couldn’t do either of them.

The orphanage was sorted, they couldn’t do any more work on it. Raisma was ok, things had gotten better for her with Alexi in prison and he supposed that was ok, but a part of him still wondered, one person’s life was made better but what about all the other times he’d gone out on missions and made choices about people’s lives based on someone’s intelligence reports.

“I’ll speak to the men,” he murmured putting off making a choice.

“Ok,” Ella sighed and eased further down in the water.

“You getting cold yet?” He asked seeing her expression.

“A little.”

“Come on,” Roman reached for another towel and held it up earning himself a look in the process before she stood in the bath and climbed out. She let him wrap the towel around her and dry her off before handing her the bathrobe she’d been in earlier. She pulled it on and walked through to the bedroom tying the belt as she moved through into the other room. “That’s ok I’ll sort out the wet towels,” he heard himself mutter as he walked through into the bedroom himself.

Ella spun around and glared at him before she felt her lips twitching.

“You idiot,” she muttered herself before giggling.

“Are we going to dinner?” He asked her when she’d sobered.

“I’m too tired,” She pouted at him.

He couldn’t resist smiling then, even after all these years she still didn’t know how adorable she was when she pulled that face at him. Walking over to her he leaned down and placed a kiss to the end of her nose before turning and gathering some clothes together.

“I think they won’t mind going to…”

“No, you can still go, I don’t mind staying here.” She interrupted him.

“Thank you for giving me permission.” He snapped before grabbing his clothes and storming into the en suite and slamming the door behind him leaving Ella looking at the closed door. He came out after a few minutes dressed in the clothes he’d picked out and frowned at the way he’d hidden himself away instead of just getting dressed in the bedroom with her. Ella was seated on the bed, still wearing the bathrobe.

“I meant, if you wanted to go, I wouldn’t have a problem,” she murmured biting on her bottom lip.

He sighed and forced himself to move over to her feeling a strange nervousness about approaching her.

“I don’t want to go without you,” he commented quietly realising it were true.

“Then room service?”

He nodded and reached out holding out his hand.

Ella nodded too and placed her hand within his letting him stand and lead them out of the room. He guided her over to the sofa and smiled as she immediately curled up on it pulling a cover over her. He bet she’d be asleep in minutes and left her too it as he moved over to Jacko’s room and knocked on the door. Jacko answered his knock immediately, the other man likewise showered and dressed.

“Ella just wants to stay in,” Roman murmured.

“Ah, ok,” Jacko nodded before turning around and grabbing his wallet. He moved out of the bedroom walking past Roman. “Take it you is staying?”

Roman nodded at the other man’s question before watching as he moved out of the hotel suite to go meet up with the others. He waited a moment and grabbed the room service menu scanning the list. Looking over at Ella he saw that she was indeed asleep and moved to the phone to order on her behalf.

He smiled as he organised the food delivery on the table, watching as the waiter lit the candles he’d asked for. Ella was still sleeping over on the sofa, her feet curled up around her and hadn’t even woken when the knock at the door had sounded heralding the arrival of the food. Roman handed a tip to the waiter, watching as he left the room before he turned and moved over to Ella. He paused and sucked in a breath before nudging her arm and bringing her awake.

“Go away,” she muttered.

“Food,” he told her, “Come on you need to eat.”

“Go…” she muttered some choice words causing him to smirk at her. She really was adorable when she wanted her sleep.

“Ella Harris,” he murmured, “I have camembert with toast and cranberry sauce.”

“You wouldn’t tease me about that would you?”

“Of course I wouldn’t,” he defended.

Ella opened up one eye and peered at him before she reluctantly surrendered the cover and swung her legs to the floor. She held out her hand to him and gave him a smile when he clasped it in his grip and helped her up. Then grinned like an idiot when she moved in to his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips.

Moving over to the table they sat down and he served out the food for them.

“Thank you,” Ella spoke softly reaching for his hand once more.

“We need to talk,” he found himself saying and heard her sigh in response. “About the other night. El, I..”

“What?”

There was a note to her voice that he couldn’t decipher. He found he didn’t like that and then cursed silently under his breath. How many times had she been trying to crack the wall he’d erected since the death of Alexi.

“I didn’t want to make love to you until we’d talked about a few things, I’m sorry if you felt pressured into being with me,” he began.

Ella shot him a look and pulled back her hand. She blinked rapidly and he knew that she was trying not to cry. Immediately he felt like a …. well anyway, he wasn’t pleased with himself for making her look as though he’d just hit her.

“Ella, of course I wanted you, I do love you despite the way I’ve been acting, but well there is stuff going on with me, I shouldn’t have…”

“You are telling me that making love was a mistake. I agree. Let’s not do it again. And yeah, you can sleep out here tonight. Or I will. I don’t want to share a bed with you right now.”

Roman sucked in a breath at her words. She’d spoken softly, her words calm but he knew that behind them she’d been incredibly hurt. He’d hurt her. Again.

“It was a mistake to make love when we are struggling with nothing really resolved. That’s what I’m trying to explain,” he sighed, “But aside from that I enjoyed the closeness between us the past couple of days.”

“We haven’t been close.”

He frowned. How could she deny their closeness? They’d been holding hands a few minutes ago.

“I felt that we have been,” he protested.

“No, just because we were together doesn’t mean we were close just as we are married but we haven’t had much of a marriage the past few months.”

“I don’t understand.”

His wife sighed and he wished he could prevent her being unhappy, but well, there had been a lot of days when he hadn’t thought that, hadn’t connected what he’d been going through with what he was putting her through.

“You’ve congratulated yourself on the fact that there has been some spark of romance between us the past couple of days and thought in your typical fashion that we were ok. Roman, we aren’t ok. In fact I would go as far as to say we should consider a separation when we go back home. Being together and not communicating, not connecting is not what I’d call a marriage. And I want …”

“Out?” he interrupted standing up from the table and looking at her.

“No,” Ella denied.

He knew she was going to say something else but he couldn’t hear it. He couldn’t sit with her and listen to her being perfectly logical about what they were doing and where they were heading. In fact, how could she just look at him with that calm expression on her face when she’d just told him she wanted to leave him. God, how could she deny what they had been through the past few days.

Walking away from her he grabbed his wallet from where he left it and with a last look at her sitting there, a halo of candlelight highlighting her beauty, he moved to the door and opened it before walking thought it. He had no idea where he was going but he knew that sitting there and listening to her was the last thing he could stand.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 127

“So what happened then?”

“Then?” Roman murmured looking down at his hands. They were resting on his knees because he had this habit of either folding his arms or clenching them into fists. Defensive gestures, as had been pointed out to him. “Then we went and saw the graves, the memorial before catching a flight home.”

“Which covers nothing. We were talking about your relationship with your wife,” Louisa Harry, his counsellor murmured.

He frowned at her words. Didn’t know what to say. He and Ella lived in the same house. That was all. He worked two shifts a day to escape being home and dealing with the state of their relationship and she busied herself with the kids. Lily had been clingy when they got back from their trip insisting on sleeping with them. He’d liked that actually, it gave Ella no excuse to kick him out of the room but there was no closeness between them and as soon as Lily began sleeping back in her own room he’d retreated to sleeping on the floor in the sleeping bag. Appearances.

“It’s tenuous.”

That was a good word he thought. He had tenuous links with his wife. They didn’t talk. They didn’t share any moments. They didn’t do anything except act like things were fine between them.

“Tenuous doesn’t sound good.”

“It isn’t,” Roman confirmed his voice sounding deeper from the emotion that ran through him. More than anything he wanted to find some way of being at peace.

“So does your wife know that you come here yet? I know when you first approached me for counselling you didn’t want anyone to know. Has that changed?”

Roman shook his head.

“I haven’t told anyone. I need to be in a place where I can talk about things. I don’t feel that I’m there yet,” he murmured.

“What more do you need?”

Louisa’s question stilled him. He didn’t know how to answer it. What did he need? He still didn’t work in the diner, not liking being there by himself. Despite the changes in the diner he still associated it with the place where he killed Alexi. He had yet to confront everything that he had done in his life, and more importantly as a solider. That was why he was there to talk about things and get better.

Not that he was really ill but more that he needed to talk about the stuff in his head and sort out what he was feeling. It was James who had put him in touch with Louisa, she was an expert in Post-Traumatic Stress and worked a lot with ex-combat troops. Including James. He’d hesitated at first, not being the sort of man that could readily admit that he needed some kind of help, but the thought of losing everything, including Ella, had made him have second thoughts and now he spent an hour twice a week talking about everything.

“I don’t know,” Roman murmured quietly, “Perhaps I see it as a sign of weakness which is stupid, arrogant even because there have been times Ella’s has needed a little bit of help and well, we’ve been through marriage counselling.”

“Do you think that your wife was being weak when she needed counselling?”

“No, Ella has the kind of strength that I envy. It’s just that I’m the man, I’m supposed…” He stopped.

“To be strong?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s talk about Mark.”

“Again?” Roman cursed silently in his head.

“You’ve mentioned that you felt like you needed to talk to someone after…” Louisa paused and glanced at her notes, “Elliot Gillien turned up again and yet you didn’t.”

“No, I felt that with Ella gone there was no real point. When I…” Roman stopped and swallowed. He reached for the glass of water on the table in front of him and took a long drink. “When I was served the divorce papers I couldn’t face someone messing with my head.”

“And yet Ella came back, and you resumed your relationship.”

“Yeah, we always find some common ground to get back together.”

“But this time you’ve decided on counselling.”

He flinched at the quietly worded comment and what it inferred, that maybe he and Ella would not be making it this time. He didn’t like even thinking about them splitting up but he also knew that a part of him had been considering it ever since they’d returned from Europe.

“I don’t think,” Roman stopped and looked down at his hands. He’d curled them into fists again. Forcing himself to relax he focused on his breathing, in and out. Slowly. “I don’t think that it has anything to do with Ella. I need to sort my head out. I don’t think I can move forward without …”

“Without?” Louisa prompted.

“Without getting control of my anger.”

“And why are you angry?”

“Because Ella thinks she is superwoman. She needs to realise there are some situations she can’t control.”

He was shocked by the outburst. The words had come from the deepest part of him and in saying them he felt like he was betraying his wife. That was why this was so hard. He loved Ella with all his heart but he was also angry at her. She shouldn’t have been in that room with Alexi, not thinking that she could control the situation. It was obvious that he was deranged and becoming unhinged.

“What did she think she was doing? Alexi was going to rape her, and even kill her. Does she think I can heal her from that?” His tone was bitter.

“Have you spoken to Ella about this?”

“No, I can’t.”

Louisa looked at him across the desk before glancing at the large clock on the wall. Their time was nearly up he noticed glancing at it too.

“I think that you need to focus on what you need from these sessions.”

He nodded at that and eased to his feet.

“I’ll see you next week.”

With that Roman moved to the door and through it. He nodded to the receptionist and then walked out the double doors at the front. The bright sunshine hit him immediately and he reached for his sunglasses putting them on and cutting out the light. From there he crossed the car park at the front of the clinic and found his car where he left it. He’d be back in Summer Bay by the time he needed to pick up the kids. From there he would go home, supervise their homework, dinner and bedtime before then spending a few minutes trying to talk to Ella before it was time to go to bed.

Mike watched as Danni picked up Jennie. The little baby was barely crying but she immediately moved to get her.

“Danni,” he began and saw the expression change on her face. Like he was somehow going to attack her. With a deep sigh he moved past her and into the kitchen.

“What?”

“Want a drink?” He asked quickly covering what he was really going to say.

“Tea,” Danni muttered disappearing into the bedroom with the baby.

He watched her go before setting about tidying the tops and making the drinks. He set the dishwasher on and looked in the fridge to see about food just as a knock sounded at the door and it opened.

“Hey,” Michelle called out, “Danni about?”

“She is,” Mike grinned at the other woman. “Just seeing to Jennie.”

“Ah.”

Mike frowned at Michelle’s response before sighing. Something wasn’t right with Danni. Not even Michelle being there had changed things. Michelle was a trained nurse, her speciality being paediatrics.

“Talk,” he instructed quickly.

“Is that an order solider?” She shot back immediately.

Mike felt an unfamiliar heat flushing through his face and realised he was blushing. Over the years he’d heard his Mum say similar things to Roman and their invariably kissing at some point. Right now he didn’t need the mental image. Not with Michelle, Danni’s best friend. It would be wrong to be attracted to her. Forcing himself to step back he looked around for something to distract him and saw the drinks he was making. Grimacing he finished them off.

“Want one?” He asked.

“Sure,” Michelle shot him a look nodding at him when he glanced at her.

Mike nodded and reached for another cup before pouring out the coffee. He reached for the milk, topping hers up with it and then adding the two sugars that Michelle liked before placing the cup within reach of her.

“Is Danni ok?” He asked slowly.

“Aside from being a new mum of course,” Michelle answered, her eyes not making contact with his eyes he noticed.

He was prevented from asking her anything further by Danni coming out of the bedroom. Offering her a smile he handed her the drink he’d prepared before collecting his own. A silence descended on them and he focused on drinking his coffee rather than break it and even though he knew that was for the best he still felt like a coward.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 128

“Oh my stars Roman Harris, you never said a word.”

Roman looked up from the salad he was preparing to see Colleen standing across the counter from him. She looked flushed as though she’d been running or at least walking fast. Wiping his hands he reached for a bottle of water and a glass and walked around the counter to her. Pouring out the water he handed her the drink and at the same time led her over to a table and eased her into a seat.

“About what?” He asked.

“Why this,” Colleen gasped.

Roman managed to still her waving hand long enough to read the first few lines of the magazine article that had the other woman so excited. He felt a strange calmness go through him before a growing anger. Taking the magazine from her he read through the article carefully absorbing everything.

“I didn’t know about this,” he murmured at least realising that Colleen was looking for a response. “Can you close up for me?”

He didn’t wait for an answer from the other woman as he fished in his pockets and handed her a set of keys before collecting his things and the magazine and storming out of the Shack. He shot behind the wheel of his car and headed towards home. Ella needed to explain a few things.

Ella hefted the basket of laundry on her hip and began heading for the stairs to take it to their rooms when the front door crashed open and Roman stormed in.

“What the hell do you mean by this?” He shouted out waving the magazine in his agitation.

Ella looked at him before slowly lowering the laden basket to the floor. That done she took a step towards him and held her hand out.

“Let me see,” she murmured in her normal tone of voice.

Roman glared at her before he dropped the magazine into her grasp. She looked at the cover a frown crossing her face before turning to the first page and scanning the contents. It took only seconds to turn to the page where her photos were and she narrowed her eyes as she looked at them. They were the ones she’d taken on the cliff that morning and had sent to her agent. Well, Mike had tampered with the email that had gone to her agent.

“It says you are tired of being a housewife and want to return to your photography,” he sneered. “Just when were you planning on telling me?”

“I don’t care what it says Roman, the magazine can print a retraction.”

“Why would they? It’s obvious that is what you want. I don’t even know why I’m bothering!” He yelled before shooting her a hate filled look and storming out of the house. She heard the car start up and scream out of the driveway. Looking down at the magazine in her hands she took a deep breath before reading the full text. Gazing at the black print she flinched as the letters blurred before she saw the splash of a hot tear falling down on the page. Wiping more tears away with an unsteady hand she placed her hand in her pocket and pulled out her phone. Texting Mike she told him to bring the older kids home with him needing the space to pull herself together. Another text to Nic this time, asking her stepdaughter to bring home Liam and Lily for her. Then tucking the magazine in the basket of laundry she picked it up and walked slowly up the stairs. Carrying on as normal was the usual routine these days.

“Mr Harris.”

Roman turned when he heard his name called and walked over to the desk. The Estate Agent gestured to a seat and he sank into it gratefully. The surge of adrenaline and anger that had been wreaking havoc with his system for the last hour started leaving him and he felt a familiar tiredness creeping over him.

“Now then, our mortgage advisor has gone over the figures with you and down some checking and I’m pleased to tell you that we can offer you a mortgage.”

He smiled because he was supposed to. What was he doing sitting in an Estate Agency discussion housing options when he really wanted to work things out with Ella. Cursing his stupidity he gave a half shake of his head as he contemplated his options. However he explained this off Ella was going to kill him and what was he doing? Really? He wanted to reconnect with her. To find some common ground and move on from this. But here he was sitting in an estate agents looking at houses to move into.

“That’s good,” he said inanely.

“I think that you will be limited with what you can afford at this present time. You specified that you would need…”

“At least three bedrooms,” Roman murmured quickly.

“Yes, well, there are a number of properties I can show you round,” she stated, “Two of which are in Yabbie Creek.”

“I want to be in Summer Bay,” he said decisively. ‘with Ella.’ He added silently in his head.

“I have one place,” She handed him the details of a house and looked at him with that expectant look on her face like she was waiting for him to say something about it. His immediate thoughts were that it wasn’t the colonial style house he shared with Ella.

“Good.”

He scanned the photos before looking at the details of the rooms. It would be interesting to have the kids visit there and cope with being confined in the small space.

“Obviously we have your details we can keep you advised on new places as they come on to the market.”

He sat up straighter, startled at the comment. There was no keeping this from Ella and when she found she’d kill him. Or something equally as painful.

“Thanks,” he murmured before standing, “But it’s best I keep in touch with you.”

“Er.. sure,” She looked puzzled at that as she too stood and offered him her hand to shake. “Nice to meet you Mr Harris.”

“And you,” he murmured acknowledging that normally he would have offered her a flirty grin and asked her to call him Roman but now he just wanted to be out of there and home with Ella. Walking out of the office he strode over to where he’d parked the car and set off home. To Ella.

Ella paced back and forth with Liam cradled in her arms. Her little boy was poorly and as a result clinging on to her, or maybe she needed to hold on to him. Being a mother was the only role she seemed to be getting right these days.

“Mama I get’s his teddy?” Lily offered.

“Ok Squeals,” Ella smiled as Lily shot up and started running to the stairs. She paused at the bottom and looked at the twins who’d decided to follow her.

“K’s you comes too,” Lily murmured to them and held their hands as she walked them up the stairs.

“That is so sweet,” Meggy cried out.

“Yeah.” Ella sighed and moved her son to the other hip just as the front door opened and Roman walked in.

“Hey,” he murmured.

Ella took one look at him and then glanced at Liam before she burst into tears unable to stop herself from giving into the emotional outburst.

“Hey,” Roman said again striding over to her. He put his arms around the both of them and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “It’s ok now,” he added softly.

She nodded up at him before relinquishing Liam into his arms.

“He’s a bit hot and has been sick.”

“Ok, has he had medicine?”

“No Dada, no,” Liam shook his head before burying his face.

“He wouldn’t take any,” Ella murmured quietly.

“What about if we get Lily to ask him to take it?” Roman suggested.

Ella chuckled as Liam lifted his head and glared at his dad before shaking his head, no, and burying his face again.

“Have the kids been fed?”

She pointed behind her over to the kitchen and the half prepared meal she was interrupted in making.

“Ok,” Roman said softly.

He leaned down and kissed the top of Liam’s head before handing him back over to Ella. Then pointing them in the direction of the lounge he moved into the kitchen and began finishing the food she was preparing humming under his breath as he worked.

Ella looked at his back, a puzzled expression on her face as she remembered the way he’d held her before moving into the lounge and sitting down. She placed Liam next to her and drew the throw down and tuck it over him. He sighed before moving to lay down.

“We brings you these,” Lily cried out coming down the stairs and walking into the room with the twins behind her. Each of them carried a cuddly toy and placed them next to Liam.

“Thank you,” Ella said to her and grinned as her younger daughters climbed up the other side of her. She reached for the other throw and put that over their laps before claiming the remote and switching on the tv. Flicking through the channels she found something for them to watch before snuggling up with her babies.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 129

Stepping through the door of the en suite Ella stopped dead. Roman was in there standing at the little sink halfway through a shave. Her eyes widened as she looked at him and her mouth parted.

He caught her surprised look and grinned at her.

“No, just freshening up,” he murmured.

She nodded at him like she believed that and moved over to the shower turning it on before slipping out of her clothes and stepping under the hot spray. Although her back was to him she knew he’d watched her climb into the shower.

Feeling puzzled by the way he was with her she focused on claiming the sponge and lathering it up with her favourite shower crème before cleansing her body. Only hours before he’d been so mad at her that he’d stormed out and yet here he was acting like her husband again. He’d cooked dinner and even made cake for desert, looked after Liam when he was ill again, taking their little boy upstairs and into the bathroom for a comforting bath before putting him to bed. Then he’d cleared up the things from dinner and played cards with Georgie and Sammy until it was their bedtime. All of which was a change from how he’d been since they’d come back from Bosnia.

She noticed that while she’d been lost in thought Roman had finished his shave and had left the en suite. Finishing up herself she stepped out of the shower and dried off on one of their fluffy towels. As she tipped her discarded clothes into the laundry basket she frowned as she remembered that recently she’d been in the habit of bringing her nightdress in with her and changing in the en suite. Frowning she forced herself to step into the bedroom and over to her dresser. Without looking at him she dropped the towel and pulled on a pretty white nightdress with peach polka dot pattern on. Idly she remembered that she had a matching silk robe that went with it as she scoped up the dropped towel and carried it into the en suite hanging it up. Turning she sucked in a deep breath as she walked back into the bedroom.

Only then did she notice that he was in the process of putting the sleeping bag on the floor and found herself feeling disappointment. She clamped down on the negative thoughts and moved over to the bed climbing under the covers and settling down.

“Do you want to talk?”

“No,” she responded quickly to his question and sensed his disappointment.

She turned her back to him and reached for the light switching it off and plunging the room into darkness.

“Hey,” Roman protested, “You could have asked me….”

“Likewise.” Ella interrupted him.

“Fine, point taken, can I have the light on please?”

“Is it Roman? Because I’m pretty convinced that I just don’t want to deal with anymore of your angst.”

“And how about when you go through stuff…” he snapped back, before sighing. “Look, yeah there have been times I’ve been struggling.”

“I know,” Ella murmured softly, “And the last time you were like this you asked me to stay out of your head. I’ve respected your space and given you time to sort through your stuff and if you need more time I’ll give it to you but you have to give something back. Just, be like you were tonight, ok. The kids needed that.”

She didn’t add that she’d needed it too. She’d needed to feel that he wanted her to be around, no, more like that he wanted to be around her. She tried so hard not to be needy but her love for him was making her feel almost desperate.

“Ok,” he said quietly before turning and lifting the covers.

She felt him climb into bed with her and she sighed as she slipped into his arms like they had never been apart.

“Roman.”

“I want to make love,” he whispered, “I want to reconnect with you. That’s what I was trying to do in Bosnia when we slept together. I’m sorry I didn’t have the words to explain. I’m sorry that I keep letting this stuff hurt us.”

She groaned at his apology. She’d wanted to hear those words so many times in the past few weeks that she almost convinced herself that she was making up this whole scenario in her head but then Roman leaned forward and kissed the back of her neck.

“Us Roman, the both of us are hurting. But we’ve been hurt before and made it through.”

“I know.”

His quiet words stilled her. “But?” She asked.

“But this time it’s more me.”

“How is that different?”

“Because you are my strength.” He cried out in a harsh whisper.

Ella turned in his arms and reached for him at the same time. She sought out his lips and kissed him with all the love in her, feeling a lightening within her. He responded with his own kisses trailing them down her neck, along her shoulder and down. He slipped the straps of her nightdress down the curve of her shoulders and lower, baring her for his touch, for his kisses. This loving was just as wonderful as other times between them.

Morning came around too soon, Ella thought as she slowly opened her eyes. She was alone and wondered if he’d had second thoughts about being with her as she climbed out of the bed and put her feet on the floor. Standing up she reached for her bathrobe and pulled that on over her nightdress before leaving the bedroom and heading down the stairs. She heard voices coming from the lounge and walked towards them seeing her kids seated around the table eating breakfast with the exception of Liam.

“Hey,” Roman called stepping through the archway from the kitchen. He moved over to her and leaning down pressed a kiss to her cheek before handing her a cup of coffee.

“Liam in bed?” She asked slowly.

“Yeah, he was still sick,” Roman confirmed.

“Ok.”

She moved over to the table and sat down in between Meggy and Sophie. She had no idea that Roman was looking at her sitting there with their daughters and falling in love with her again. Looking up she caught his intense gaze and blushed.

“Mama, me’s poorly.”

“Really Squeals? Maybe you need a day off?”

Lily nodded and looked suitably sad at her question.

“She’s eaten breakfast,” Roman pointed out.

“Is that true Squeals?”

“Yes’s Mama but I’m poorly nows,” Lily said fluttering her lashes as she climbed off her chair and walked over to her, lifting her arms up and holding them out to her indicating she wanted picking up.

“ I think you aren’t as poorly as Liam,” Ella murmured giving in and picking her daughter up balancing her on her knee, “So you can go to school.”

“No Mama, no,” Lily pouted and managed to produce two fat tears slipping down her face.

“Tough Squeals, school.”

Her daughter gave her another look before sliding off her lap and pacing over to the other side of the room where she collapsed on the sofa pulling the throw over her head.

Roman grinned and looked over at her a teasing expression on his face. She immediately mouthed the word ‘no’ and saw him smirk. She couldn’t stop the smile on her face at seeing him looking so relaxed and happy. Covering up her sudden bought of happiness she drank deeply from her cup.

“Ok kids, get ready, teeth brushed hands washed, sports kit collected Sammy,” Roman murmured stepping back into the kitchen.

Again she smiled seeing the kids pilling out of the room and up the stairs. Standing she glanced at the covered Lily who hadn’t moved with the others before stepping into the kitchen. Roman immediately put down the plate he was about to stack in the dishwasher and pulled her into his arms.

“I haven’t changed my mind, this is where I want to be and you are the person I want to be with more than anything,” he said passionately before kissing her.

“Idiot!” She gasped easing away and smoothing down her robe.

“So I’ll do the school run taking the older ones then come back and take the others,” He stated.

“Good luck with getting Lily in the car,” Ella murmured turning away from him to find the coffee pot. She topped up her cup and took a sip.

“Maybe we could have lunch?”

She spun around at the question , her mouth falling open in surprise.

“Now is that the food kind or…” she shot back giving him what she hoped was a flirty look. She was a bit out of practice at them and for all she knew she’d just crossed her eyes and looked deranged for a moment.

“The food kind,” Roman confirmed his voice going husky before he stepped forward and kissed her again, “Although now you’ve mentioned it….”

“Get going!” She cried giving him a push towards the door.

He moved out reluctantly and gathered up the kids shepherding them out of the door and into the car leaving her temporarily with Lily and the twins. Ella glanced at them as they sat back at the table.

“Hey babies, what are you going to do in nursery this morning?”

“Colours,” August told her a small smile on her face.

“Really, wow,” Ella grinned moving over to them and clearing the table. “Has Dada sorted out juice for you to take with you?”

Fleur shook her head.

“No?”

“No’s Mama,” she lisped.

Ella gave a little chuckle and walked back into the kitchen. She placed down the pile of plates and bowls before moving to the fridge and taking out a couple of juice boxes that the twins liked. She added some biscuits to their snack packs and moved to place them inside their backpacks. Looking up she saw Roman walking back into the house.

“Lily still on the sofa?” He asked.

Ella nodded even as Lily called out, “No!”

He laughed before going over to his daughter and lifting the throw off her.

“School, come on or you’ll make Daddy late for work.”

Lily climbed off the sofa and shot her mother a look before she picked up her bag and walked slowly out to the car.

“Uh huh Roman Harris,” Ella warned.

“Uh huh,” he murmured pressing a quick kiss to her lips before collecting the twin’s bags and then leading them all out to the car.

She watched as the car pulled away before reclaiming her coffee and finishing cleaning up. Then with the coffee drunk she headed up the stairs to check on Liam. He was still tucked up in bed fast asleep, pressing her lips to the top of his head she checked his temperature before easing out of the room and heading into her bedroom and through it to the en suite to grab a shower.

Coming out of her bedroom forty minutes later showered and dressed she went back to check on Liam and saw that he was awake.

“Mama,” he called out lifting his arms towards her.

“Hey my man, are you feeling better?”

“Yess Mama,” he sniffed, “Toast?”

“Come on then?”

She scoped him up out of bed and grabbed his bathrobe along with his favourite teddy before carrying them down the stairs and into the lounge. She dropped him gently on to the sofa before wrapping him in his bathrobe and then putting the throw over him and then heading into the kitchen. It took moments to get him toast and a beaker of milk and walking back over to him. Then sitting with him when he ate some of the toast and sipped some of the milk.

“Go on,” Roman’s voice sound from outside and she shot up before frowning at the way she was reacting just as the front door opened and Lily walked in followed by Roman.

“Ok?” Ella placed her hands on her hips and looked at them.

“She began crying in class and they called me to get her,” Roman explained.

“Ah,” She glanced at her daughter.

“Mama, me’s…”

“Faking it because you don’t like being at school without Liam.”

“No Mama,” Lily protested trying to look innocent and failing.

“Ok then, give her a cold bath and put her to bed.”

She and Roman shared a look, each of them trying not to laugh at Lily’s expression.

“I’ve got to get back,” Roman murmured after a moment.

Ella nodded and followed him to the front door smiling as he turned around and kissed her again. She grinned at the way he was sneaking kisses from her.

“Thanks for bringing her home.”

“If only you meant that,” he teased giving her another kiss and leaving her.

She watched his car pull out of the drive before turning and moving to deal with Lily.