Release

[Ludub]

Title: Release

Type of Fic: Long Fiction

Main Characters: Kyle, Josh, Ricky, Casey, Heath, Bianca, Darcy, Harley, & OCs

Genre: Drama

BTTB Rating:  A

Does it contain spoilers: No

Warnings: ADULT THEMES!

Summary: Sequel to Caged. Three years after Josh was released from prison, and ten years after Brax went missing, we pick up the story and find out what happened to everyone…

 

Chapter 1

 

2 months ago…

 

She shifted a little in the bed and her movement woke him. It wasn’t like he’d really been asleep though. He’d just been lightly dozing. He never really let himself sleep heavily. He was always listening. Always at least partially alert. You could never know when one of them might come and he might have to fight. Fight for them… It could happen any time!

“Mmmm” she moaned, as she shifted again. She never seemed to be able to get comfortable these days, what with her massively swollen belly, and the strain that it put on her back. The wooden slatted beds didn’t help, especially because of how narrow they were. You’d spend half the night trying not to fall out!

He pulled in a little closer to her and began to gently rub her lower back in small circular movements. She moaned a little and pushed back against him in a way that said to continue what he was doing. He knew that her back was killing her. He had no idea how she was getting through the days! Fourteen hour shifts were bad enough for him, leaving his whole body aching with tiredness, never mind a woman only weeks away from giving birth! They made no allowances for it whatsoever, refusing even bathroom breaks, and pushing her to the brink every day. He was so scared for her sometimes, and scared for their little ones too.

“Bà?!” came a little voice from the bunk above, “Babà?!”

He looked up and saw two little faces staring down at him in a fearful sort of way. They often got scared at night when they heard footsteps out in the hallway. He could hear them now, the guards patrolling the corridor, but they weren’t close enough to be of any concern.

He put his finger to his lips to tell them to be quiet. There was no talking allowed after lights out. He didn’t want to attract undue attention if he could avoid it. They’d been doing okay for the last couple of months. No infractions. No money deducted from their wages. No solitary confinement. They were the model workers.

Lin, the older one, gave her father a little nod, and pulled her brother back onto the bunk to lie down.

He gave a little sigh and turned back to their mother. She was looking at him now with tear-filled eyes. She went to speak but he quickly covered her mouth with his hand and froze stock-still when he heard footsteps outside the door. They both stared in fear towards the strip of light beneath the locked metal door. They could see the shadow of two feet out there. He glanced across at the other family across the way. They looked equally scared. A man, a woman, and three children frozen in silence as they waited to see whether the feet would pass on. You could have heard a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a shout from further down the corridor that food had arrived and the feet made off in a hurry in that direction. They all breathed a sigh of relief and he shook his head at the other man in a ‘that was close!’ kind of way. They knew better than to speak.

A small female hand began pulling at his own and he realised that he still had his hand covering his wife’s face. He grimaced in apology and quickly removed his hand. She gasped a little and shook her head at him. He knew that she was scared.

“It’ll be okay” he said to her in Chinese. He was speaking as quietly as he could manage, more mouthing the words than actually saying them out loud. “He’s gone now.” he whispered again.

“I can’t take much more of this!” she whispered back to him, “Please, Déwei?! We have to do something!”

There was a sharp but quiet ‘shush’ sound from their roommate Cheng. He was staring across at them and motioning frantically for them to stop talking. Cheng’s wife was glaring at them too.

He nodded across at them and pulled his wife closer to his chest. He could feel how fast her heart was beating. No wonder! She knew more than anyone what the appearance of those boots at the door could mean. He rested his hand on her tummy and his chin on top of her head. ‘These are my babies’ he told himself as he softly stroked her belly, ‘It doesn’t matter what happened… These are mine… They’re my children… They’re mine.’ It was an internal monologue that he’d been chanting over and over in his head since the night that it had happened. He’d failed her once, he was never going to fail her again!

She allowed him to hold her, and to softly caress her tummy in a way that always soothed her, but he could feel her body trembling a little. He hated this!

“Bà?!” said a little voice again, calling for his daddy. It was Bo. He was only three years old and still very easily frightened by this cruel and regimented world.

“Shhh!” warned Cheng by way of a hiss.

He nodded at Cheng and got to his feet as quietly as he possibly could. Holding a finger to his lips to warn the kids to be quiet, he lifted them one by one off the bunk, and placed them in the bed with their mother. He got back in and they all cuddled up together. As he lay there, on the side of the bed, feeling about as comfortable as if he’d been lying on a knife’s edge, he allowed his mind to drift… Back to a place where life had been very different… to a world that seemed so alien to him now that he sometimes wondered if it had ever been real. Had he really been that person? Had he lived that life? …Or was it all some strange fantasy that he’d created in reaction to the misery that he was living now? Was it all just make-believe?!

He shook his head as he looked at his little family. He didn’t know what to do. They needed help but he had no idea how he was going to find it. Jiao, his beautiful wife, was terribly damaged by her time here, and so very fragile now. He couldn’t help blaming himself for what had happened, so much so that it was hard to look her in the eye sometimes. He didn’t know how she could forgive him… Bo was lying with his thumb in his mouth. He had his eyes open and was blinking over and over as he stared into space. He couldn’t help wondering if this place had mentally scarred him in some way. Was he traumatised? Was that why he blinked all the time? Was that why he stared like that?! Lin was curled up against her mother, like she always did when she got the opportunity. He worried about her too. She’d seen more, and knew more, than any six-year-old ever should. She was old before her time, the childishness knocked out of her long ago. He was sad about that.

‘I’ll get you all out of here’ he said to himself in his head, ‘I promise you that… I will get us out of here!’

 

*****

 

Present day…

 

No! Stop!” he gasped, pulling her hands away and scrambling over to the side of the bed. “I’m sorry…” he said, as he stood for a moment to pull his jeans back up. He felt breathless and panicky as he fumbled with the zip. He wanted to bolt for the door. To set off running and not look back… but he couldn’t do that to her! “I’m really sorry…” he repeated, as he sat back down with his back to her, “But I just can’t… Okay?!”

“Yeah” sighed Debbie, as she rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, “No worries…” She sounded depressed. This wasn’t the first time that this had happened. They’d been trying for months!

“I want to…” he said quietly, “It isn’t that I don’t want to… I just… I… I can’t.”

“Yeah… I know” she replied, blowing out a long breath, “It’s okay… I guess.”

He glanced over his shoulder at her. She wasn’t even looking at him.  She was just staring at the ceiling and shaking her head in a way that said ‘not again!’ He felt ashamed of himself.

“Sorry” he mumbled again, as he turned back and put his face in his hands. He’d been so sure that he’d finally got his head straight. That he was ready. That they’d be able to do it tonight… but here he was, cringing and shaking, just like every other time. He just couldn’t do it! He couldn’t relax enough.

“Debs” he sighed, “You know it’s not…”

“Maybe you should go?” she said, cutting him off mid-sentence and rolling over with her back to him. She pulled the covers around herself in a way that was a little defensive. “I have work early in the morning…” she said, “So, you know…”

“Uh… yeah… okay…” he answered, giving a sad little nod and getting to his feet, “I uh… I’ll go…”

“We’ll talk tomorrow night” she said, her voice breaking a little because she’d obviously started to cry. He could see her shoulders shaking up and down in the dim light. He wanted to hug her, and hold her, and apologise properly, but what was the point?! It always ended up the same way and he knew exactly what she was going to say tomorrow night. They’d reached the end of the road now. There was only so much of this crap a girl could take and she was obviously going to dump him. This whole thing had gotten very old!

“Yeah… I’ll uh… I’ll call you” he said. He gathered his t-shirt off the floor and pulled it on as fast as he could. Even after all these years, he still hated any kind of nakedness.

“Just go!” she sighed. He saw her wipe at her face in an angry sort of way. She didn’t want him to know that she was crying.

He stood and watched her for a moment. Part of him wanted to climb back into that bed with her and put his arms around her, but he knew that it wouldn’t change anything. He couldn’t give her what she wanted. He couldn’t be with her in the way that she wanted him to. Not like that. He could only ever go so far. It was like he’d built a wall all those years ago and he didn’t know how to knock it down. He didn’t know how to get past it. As he looked at her in the bed, he kept moving his mouth, as though he was going to say something. As though he would somehow find the right words and all of this would be okay… but the words just never came. He didn’t know what to say to fix this. They’d talked, and he’d tried to explain, but they’d never really got to the crux of the problem. He wasn’t able to tell her. Not properly anyway... He’d hinted, and he knew that she’d put two and two together by now, but he still couldn’t open up to her. Not enough to tell her what had happened.  When it came down to it, he didn’t really want her to know! The shame was just too great! And he didn’t want her to look at him differently. He didn’t want her to see him for the victim that he’d been. As less of a man. He’d done his best to hide the scars on his body over the last couple of years. With a selection of carefully placed tattoos, he’d managed to camouflage the worst of them. In particular, the bitemarks on his chest and back, and the marks on his wrists that he didn’t like to think about. He’d done his best to erase those tortured years that had left their marks on his flesh. As though inking them out of existence would somehow make him forget?! To some extent, it had worked. He didn’t look away anymore when he looked in the mirror. He didn’t find himself repulsed by the sight of his own body, at least not as much, so that was a step forward... But it was the scars that people couldn’t see… They were the problem! He had no way of erasing them! But he didn’t know how to hide them either... Kyle and Ricky kept trying to make him talk to them. As though talking was going to help?! As though telling them in gruesome detail what had happened in that cell would somehow make everything alright?! He couldn’t see what difference it would really make. It would still have happened! It would still be something that he’d have to carry with him in his body and his mind. With him every day. No amount of talking was ever going to turn back time… He couldn’t get back what had been taken from him. So, what was the point?! What if he was just too broken to fix? What if he was simply a lost cause?!

“Debbie” he sighed, standing beside the bed and staring at the floor, “I just want…”

“God, Josh!” she growled at him, chucking a pillow as hard as she could in his direction, “If you don’t want to **** me, will you just go?! …Can you just let me get some sleep?!”

He dodged the pillow and looked at her in a wounded sort of way. “You know that’s not what this is…” he began to say.

“I don’t know what this is!” she half laughed, half snarled at him, “But you can’t keep doing this, Josh! You’re making me feel like some sort of… of sicko… Like I’m a rapist or something!”

He winced at the choice of words.

“You take me out, we have a nice time… we drink, we flirt, it’s all going so well… Then you decide you want to take things further… You get me back here… You’re coming on strong, giving me all the signals… You’re the one doing the undressing… and then…”

“I put the brakes on” he said, staring fixedly at the floor. He was too ashamed to look her in the eye.

“Yeah!” she said, throwing herself back on the bed in an exasperated kind of way, “Then it’s all ‘don’t touch!’ and you’re looking at me like I’m some kind of molester!”

“I don’t mean to make you feel like that” he said.

“Yeah, well… Josh…” she sighed, “You do… Every time!”

“I’m sorry” he mumbled.

“Just go!” she said, rolling over again with her back to him and giving a loud sigh, “I don’t have the energy for this tonight!”

He nodded as he watched her pull the covers around her again. He couldn’t blame her for being angry. The first time, she’d been very sympathetic and tried to get him to talk to her. The second time, he’d yelled at her and stomped away, and it had taken a couple of weeks to win her round again. The third time, she’d stopped things before they’d got this far, and tried to take things really slow… But none of it was working, and he’d known that she would run out of patience eventually. Things had just reached their natural conclusion…

“I’ll uh… I’ll let myself out then” he said, as he picked his bag up off the chair beside the bed.

“Uh huh” she huffed, making it very clear that he was no longer welcome.

“I am sorry” he sighed, “I wish I could be what you want me to be… I want that myself…”

“Jesus, Josh!” she snapped at him, “Can you just go?! …I’ve had enough!”

“Okay” he answered, as he picked his coat up off the floor and walked to the door. He stood with his hand on the door handle, lingering there for what felt like a very long time. He was trying to find the words to make things better. To make her understand. In the end, he just gave a defeated sigh.

“**** sake, Josh… Just go!” she groaned. His dithering by the door like that was really getting on her nerves.

 “I’m going… I’m going…” he said, as he finally pulled the door open.

“And don’t wake Lucas!” she warned him. There was a noticeable anger in her voice, “I don’t need him being any more confused than he already is!”

“I won’t” he sighed, as he slipped out through the door. He tiptoed across the living-room floor, stepping over some of the kids’ toys on the rug, and made his way to the front door.

Once outside, he stood and looked up at the starry sky. “You’re a loser” he said to himself, as he stood on the doorstep of his soon to be ex-girlfriend’s house, “You’re such a pathetic loser!” With that he set off walking. It was well after midnight and he knew that he should go home but he didn’t want to have to answer Anna’s questions and he knew that she’d still be up if he went home now. Maybe he’d just walk around for a while?

He’d been walking for about an hour when he got to the park. He walked through the gate and went and sat down on his usual bench. It was dark, but for the distant glow of a couple of streetlights, and the faint moonlight, but he could just about make out the path and the swaying of the trees. He gave a little sigh as he sat there and listened to the sound of traffic behind him. This was somewhere that he often came to sit by himself during the day when he wasn’t at work. He’d come and sit on one of the benches with a book and pretend to be reading. Really, he just wanted to be outside in the fresh air and watch the world go by. He liked to watch the other people. Watch them playing with their kids, chatting with their friends, walking their dogs, and just generally going about their ‘normal’ everyday lives… He’d missed so much of this when he’d been in prison. This life that they all just took for granted. He would just sit there and daydream about the life that he might have had, if everything hadn’t gone wrong. He’d sometimes lose himself in fantasies of ‘what could have been’. He’d see a dad playing with his kids and imagine that that was him. That the dark-haired woman beside him was Evie, and that those were his kids. A boy and a girl. Maybe he’d be an architect, and maybe she’d be a school teacher, and they’d have a nice house in the suburbs? Andy and his wife would visit on the weekends and bring the kids. Maybe Oscar would do the same? And they’d have big family barbecues, and trips to the beach… and it would all be so perfect! It always came crashing down with a bump though, and he’d have to gather himself up and go home to his rented room in his shared flat, and make himself a meal for one. He didn’t know why he kept torturing himself like this…

He felt his phone give a little buzz and pulled it from his pocket. He smiled a little sadly when he saw that it was from Ricky. ‘Probably an invite for dinner on Sunday’ he thought to himself. She was always very kind to him, always including him in family occasions, and making sure that he wasn’t on his own all weekend. It was essentially a pity-invite, he knew that, but he appreciated it nonetheless! She kept saying that Casey missed him, and was asking where he was, although he had his doubts about that. The boy had become a teenager now, and he couldn’t help feeling that he didn’t really need his Uncle Josh around anymore. Not now that he had Cameron! Somewhere deep down, he feared that the kid had somehow figured things out. That he knew that his Uncle Josh was ‘damaged goods’, and that he’d come to realise how much of a loser he was dealing with. They didn’t really hang out as much as they used to, and the last couple of footie matches he’d played, he’d invited Cameron instead. That really hurt, but he understood. A boy needed a father figure that he could look up to! He needed someone more like Cameron. A real man…

He opened the text message and read ‘Dinner at home tomorrow night. I have big news! Love Ric x’ He looked at it and then registered the fact that it was past one in the morning. It was unusual for Ricky to be up this late, or to be messaging in the middle of the night. ‘Okay, I’ll be there. Hope everything’s okay?’  he wrote back, before slipping his phone in his pocket. He smirked when his phone buzzed again and he pulled it out to look. ‘Everything’s fine! You’re such a worrier! Talk tomorrow! x’ He gave a little laugh and put the phone away again. ‘Three exclamation marks’ he thought to himself, ‘Someone’s excited! I’m pretty sure I know what tomorrow’s big news is!’ With that, he got to his feet and headed towards home. At least he’d have some gossip to distract Anna with when he got back. Maybe that would stop her grilling him about how things had gone with Debbie? ‘And pigs could fly!’ he thought to himself a little sadly. That girl was a nightmare!

[pembie]

What a totally grand opening to the release of this new story that was and here comes the corny puns already haha

China???  Errrrrrr now let me ask you something but um Have you had posted the wrong story  by mistake and it's another of your hidden away masterpieces?  But I love it. all the same. I won't lie though its rather baffling, haha  But  will I need to go and find my chinese dictionary? I only know wax on wax off or is that Japan? I remember that saying from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The Karate Kid   

Josh was onto a promise there by the sounds of it. Dam his tortured past getting in the way of his mojo But who can really blame him with all that happened when he was in prison At least Kyle is happy with Ben for the moment Notice I said for the moment?

 

 

 

[Guest]

Great chapter

wow what a grand opening that was!

I can't wait to see were you go with this.

Update again soon

[Red Ranger 1]

Hmm.

 

So was that Brax at the start?

Josh still having difficulties and, ahem, intimacy issues after so long.Ricky seems to have a new fella, Kyle still seems to have the old one.Interesting start, looking forward to more!

[Ludub]

1 hour ago, Red Ranger 1 said:

Josh still having difficulties and, ahem, intimacy issues after so long.

7 hours ago, pembie said:

Josh was onto a promise there by the sounds of it. Dam his tortured past getting in the way of his mojo But who can really blame him with all that happened when he was in prison

Well yeah, it has been ten years, but he's really only had a couple of years on the outside to start to work through his issues with intimacy. Getting close enough to someone to even try might be difficult, and it's not like he'd have had a chance in prison to even recognise that he had a problem

7 hours ago, pembie said:

China???  Errrrrrr now let me ask you something but um Have you had posted the wrong story  by mistake and it's another of your hidden away masterpieces?  But I love it. all the same. I won't lie though its rather baffling, haha  But  will I need to go and find my chinese dictionary? I only know wax on wax off or is that Japan? I remember that saying from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The Karate Kid   

Oh yeah!? How did this bit get in here?!  Nah, it'll all become clear as the story continues and I don't speak Chinese so don't worry about buying that dictionary just yet! Lol!

6 hours ago, Kristen said:

wow what a grand opening that was!

Thanks everyone. Glad you're enjoying it x

[Inactive User]

Welcome back, Ludub! *hugs*

Wow loved the start to this fanfiction. Really  good!  

Looking forwards to the next chapter Xx

[Marls]

Great chapter. Can't wait for the next update 

[Ludub]

13 hours ago, ~JarlieFanEver~ said:

Welcome back, Ludub! *hugs*

Wow loved the start to this fanfiction. Really  good!  

Aw, thanks Jarlie!

12 hours ago, Marls said:

Great chapter. Can't wait for the next update 

Thanks Marls! Welcome onboard! Glad you're enjoying it.

I'll post the new chapter in a day or two!

[Suzza101]

Great Chapter,

Awesome start to the fanfic

Can't wait to read more, please update soon. 

[Ludub]

Okay, so here's chapter 2, hope you like it.

 

Chapter 2

 

2 months ago…

 

He slowly slid his hand inside the pocket of his work overalls and clamped his hand around the small pellets of folded up paper that he’d hidden there. They were folded as small as he could make them go. Folded over and over until he couldn’t fold them any further. Still, he worried that they might be too large, and that some eagle-eyed quality control person might spot them. He counted them quickly with his fingertips. ‘Yī, èr, sān, sì, wǔ, liù’ he said to himself under his breath and let himself breathe a little sigh of relief when he found that all 6 were still there. He let them go again and turned his attention back to the small bowl of rice in his other hand. It was lunchbreak and they only had a few minutes to eat it before they had to get back to work. He stuffed a small handful of rice in his mouth and did his best to swallow it down. It was a little sour but he knew that he needed to eat it. He was tired and weak. It wasn’t that he wasn’t hungry, it was just that his stomach was sick with nerves. He was scared about what he was about to do. He’d also been secretly panicking for hours that one of the little pellets could have fallen out of his pocket this morning during headcount. If even one of them had been found, he knew that he’d be a dead man. And maybe not just him, maybe his whole family?! He was taking an enormous risk and he knew it! It wasn’t even like it would take them long to figure out who’d done it. Even if they weren’t able to understand what was written, they’d know it was him for sure! They’d know it by the handwriting if nothing else. A guard would be sent to get him and that would be the end of him. Déwei and his family would just be snuffed out and any evidence of them ever having existed destroyed. No more Jiao, no more Lin, no more Bo, and definitely no more babies in their mum’s belly. He would probably get a bullet to the back of the head, but god only knew what they’d do to his wife and children. They’d performed summary executions before as a warning to the other workers, and weren’t averse to torturing the families, so it wasn’t like they wouldn’t do it! He shook his head, as he stuffed another handful of rice in his mouth. He needed to push those thoughts away. He needed to be brave… for all of them! They’d come to the end of the road. They didn’t have a choice.  But it was okay! The pellets were still there in his pocket! So far, so good, he thought to himself. He hadn’t been able to check up to now because the guards would have noticed him fidgeting, and any break in attention would have meant his production line falling behind. He couldn’t afford for that to happen, and besides, he could hardly keep up as it was! He looked down the line of other men crouched by the wall and saw ‘Smiler’ standing at the end with his rifle. He was one of the cruellest and hardest guards in the place and they called him ‘Smiler’ because he never broke a smile. At least, not unless he was inflicting pain on someone. His beady little eyes were constantly darting about and watching for any excuse to dole out a punishment. The tiniest misstep, the tiniest mistake. Nothing ever went unnoticed. You couldn’t slow down for even a moment! You couldn’t be seen to be slacking! If he thought that you weren’t working hard enough he might hit you in the stomach with the butt of his rifle or see to it that you got no rice that day. Or worse, if you talked back to him, or didn’t look suitably contrite, you might find yourself in solitary confinement for a day or two, with your wages docked at double the normal daily rate. You had to be very careful where he was concerned. It was clear that he took great pleasure in asserting his authority in every way possible, probably because he was under five feet tall and of very slender build.  Déwei was an obvious target, but he always seemed to pick on the bigger men, more than the smaller ones, which was why most of the taller men had taken to walking in a stooped sort of way. Anything to make themselves appear smaller.

“Back to work!” shouted Smiler, when the five minutes were up, “Move it!”

All the men got back to their feet and formed an orderly queue to put their empty rice bowls back at the food station. They shuffled forwards with their eyes fixed on the floor. No-one wanted to make eye contact with Smiler if they could avoid it.

He dropped his bowl into the basin and then walked wearily back to his work station. Another 8 hours of operating the compression mould before he could get back to his room! It was hot and unpleasant work and they always gave it to the bigger men because it took a bit of strength to hold the press down hard enough. You also had to be able to withstand the heat. Men collapsed all the time though. It wasn’t easy! He got back to work, and quickly fell into that same mindless rhythm imposed upon him by the conveyor belt. You couldn’t slow down because the next block of rubber was coming down the line. If you dithered for too long, the machines would jam, and you’d have a guard in your face before you knew it. It was relentless and mind-numbing work and sometimes he thought he might go crazy. How many times could a man be expected to do this?! How many times before he snapped?! He opened the press and quickly removed the long black object from the mould to send it to Trimming. He threw it in the wheeled bin and turned back to the press just in time to pull the press down. He had to use his whole body weight to pull it down so it clicked into place. That had been easier when he’d first arrived. He didn’t weigh so much now. He didn’t know how many years he’d been doing this. Without weekends to break up the weeks, the months and years had run into each other. He had no idea how long he’d been here! It felt like he’d been making silicone objects like these all his life. Sometimes he even dreamt about it, miming out the movements in his sleep. ‘I need to get out of here!’ he thought to himself, as he opened the press for the umpteenth time today, ‘This can’t be it! This can’t be how I live out the rest of my life!’

He glanced sideways when he saw ‘Rooster’ come in. Finally! This is what he’d been waiting for!  He turned back to his work and did his best to pretend that he wasn’t listening. That was easier said than done!

“The boss sent me to get one of your men” said Rooster, as he glanced around the workers. No-one was looking in his direction. “He said to get someone strong.” he added, as his eyes fell on the largest man in the room.

“Not him” said Smiler, as he followed his gaze. He didn’t like Rooster, and he really didn’t like him throwing his weight around. He also didn’t want him taking Déwei. He didn’t want him having what he saw as an easier job for the afternoon.

“Fatso collapsed” said Rooster, with a little smirk, “We need someone in Packing who can lift.”

“Take Cheng” said Smiler, nodding his head towards a smaller man on the opposite side of the room, “I need my guys… I’m already behind today.”

“The boss said to bring the biggest guy you have…” shrugged Rooster, “You gonna try to tell him that that guy isn’t the biggest guy here?!”

“Take someone else” growled Smiler, “Anyone but Déwei” Everyone knew about his obsession with him. He’d singled him out early on for ‘special treatment’ and hardly let him out of his sight when he was on duty. In his mind, he basically owned him.

“What is it with you and him?” asked Rooster, with a little wink, “You got a thing for him or something?!” He loved winding him up!

“**** you!” he growled back at him.

“Hey… no need to get so defensive!” laughed Rooster, “I’m sure we could arrange some ‘special time’ between the two of you… I mean… If he means that much to you?!”

Smiler grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him down so their faces were inches apart. It was clear that he wanted to punch him. His nostrils were flaring and he’d gone bright red.

Rooster just grinned at him, which only made matters worse. A taunting sort of grin intended to anger him more. He glanced across again at Déwei, who was so obviously listening, and looked back at him with a little smirk. “Maybe he’d like that too?” he teased.

Smiler made a move again, as though he was going to hit him, but stopped himself. Rooster was the Boss’ son. There was no touching him no matter how annoying he was!

“Go on then!” laughed Rooster, “Do it… Get yourself fired!”

Smiler continued to stare at him in a way that said ‘I want to kill you!’ but eventually let go. He gave him a shove backwards and stood there breathing heavily for a moment as he stared across the room at Déwei. “Fine!” he snarled eventually, “Take him… I don’t care!”

“Course you don’t!” he chuckled in reply. With that he put his fingers in his mouth and let out a loud whistle. All the workers flinched and then turned to look. “You!” he said, beckoning with his index finger to the larger man by the compression moulding machine, “You’re coming with me!”

Déwei did his best to look surprised and pointed at his own chest. “Me?” he asked.

“Yeah, you’re coming to Packing!” he said, motioning with his head for him to come with him.

Déwei glanced at Smiler and tilted his head in a way that asked if he was allowed to go. He needed him to think that this wasn’t his idea and not to take it out on him when he got back.

Smiler gave him a little nod. He seemed pleased by his show of deference.

He shut off the machine and wiped his hands on his overalls. He was nervous. He walked to the door and waited for Rooster to lead him out into the hallway.

“Don’t worry” said Rooster, as he gave Smiler a patronising sort of pat on the cheek, “I’ll bring him back good as new.”

As he walked down the corridor, with Rooster carrying a rifle behind him, he nervously counted the little paper pellets in his pocket again. This was his chance. The only chance that he might ever get… It was now or never! ‘Just don’t **** this up!’ he told himself as his stomach began to churn and twist, ‘Just please don’t **** this up!’

 

*****

 

Present Day…

 

“Hey” yawned Anna as she padded into the living-room in a grey rabbit onesie and a pair of Ugg boots, “You having trouble sleeping?”

“Uh, yeah” said Josh, glancing over his shoulder at her from his place on the couch. He didn’t really want to get into a conversation with her and he didn’t want to admit that he hadn’t even tried to go to bed. “Sorry…” he said, picking up the remote control and pressing pause on what he’d been watching, “Was the TV too loud?”

“Nah, I just needed a glass of water” she lied, as she dragged her feet across the floor, and headed to the kitchen. It was an open plan apartment and not very big, so he watched her go. She turned the tap on and filled a glass before turning and looking at him. “When did you get home?” she asked, leaning her back against the counter, “I thought you were staying at Debbie’s?”

“Yeah…” he said, turning back to the TV to avoid making eye contact with her, “But she had an early start this morning…so…”

“So, she kicked you out?!” she asked, with a look of concern.

“No…” he said, pressing play again in the hope of discouraging her, “She just…She needed some space.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, with her head tilted sympathetically.

“Nope” he answered.

She stood for a moment and looked at him. He could feel her eyes on him and he knew that she was trying to decide whether to fish for more information or not. She was a nosy type and not knowing the nitty gritty details of what had happened was obviously killing her. It was like an itch that needed scratched! “But… she… she just…” she started to say.

“Can you just leave it?” he asked, glancing at her momentarily, “I don’t want to talk about it… not tonight…”

“Okay” she said with a little nod.

“I just wanna watch TV” he said, “…And forget about my ****ty life… Can you let me do that? Just for a bit?”

She nodded and drank back her glass of water. “Can I keep you company?” she asked.

“Do you have to?” he sighed.

“Well, you woke me up” she replied, as she started to rummage in the cupboard beside the fridge, “So the least you can do is let me watch TV with you…”

He looked over his shoulder at her and shook his head. She was bent over in her rabbit onesie to look in the cupboard and all he could see was her sizeable backside wiggling about the place. She even had a bunny-tail! He couldn’t help laughing a little. “Okay” he said, with a roll of the eyes, “But no talking… I want to watch this!”

“Popcorn?!” she asked, as she stood up and spun around with a silly smile on her face. She had a big bag of salty popcorn in one hand and a sharing size bag of potato chips in the other. She seemed to have an endless supply of junk food and very unhealthy eating habits. “Or chips?” she asked holding both bags up so he could see.

“I don’t want any” he mumbled, glancing momentarily at the bags in her hands before turning back to the TV.

“Ah, come on…” she coaxed, “A bit of comfort food? It’s just what the doctor ordered!”

“It’s 3am” he said, shaking his head at her.

“So?” she asked with a dopey grin.

“So, it’s too late to be eating crap like that!” he said.

“Oh, come on, Josh!” she laughed, “It’s never too late for treats… You’re no fun!”

“Okay, fine…” he said, with a frustrated little shrug, “Popcorn, I guess…”

“Cool! I love popcorn… Don’t you?!” she said, as she poured the bag out into a bowl and then grabbed a block of chocolate out of the fridge, “Do you mind if I put some chunks of chocolate in the popcorn bowl… You know, salty and sweet together?”

“Yeah, whatever” he answered, in the least interested way possible.

“‘Cos salt makes the chocolate taste more ‘chocolatey’” she said, starting to break the chocolate into its individual squares. “You sure you don’t mind?” she asked, as she tilted the plate the chocolate was on towards the bowl of popcorn in a questioning sort of way. "I can't undo it once it's done?!" she said in a teasing sort of way.

“Anna!” he snapped, “I don’t care! Eat what you like! Can you just let me watch this?!” He didn’t mean to snap at her, but he just wasn’t in the mood for pointless conversation about popcorn that he had no intention of eating.

“Okay! Okay!” she laughed as she walked over to the couch and plonked herself down beside him. His outbursts and temper tantrums just seemed to wash over her, like water off a duck’s back. Other people might have been offended but it never seemed to bother her. “What are we watching anyway?” she asked, pulling his arm around her shoulder and cuddling in beside him with the popcorn bowl. He allowed her to do it, but there was an obvious tension in his body. He’d tried to tell her so many times that he wasn’t comfortable with people touching him, but she seemed to be of the opinion that she could change him by sheer persistence. She was a very demonstrative person and she didn’t seem to be able to rein it back in. It was like dealing with a Labrador puppy sometimes. “Is that…?” she asked, squinting at the actor on the TV.

“It’s ‘Loathing’” he sighed, “Season 3… I never got to see it… so don’t spoil it for me, okay?!”

“How can you not have seen Loathing?!” she chuckled, “That’s like seven years old! Everyone’s seen that!”

He looked down at her and gave a sad little snort. She could be so unthinking and insensitive sometimes. “You know why” he said, labouring the words.

“Oh” she said, biting her bottom lip, “Sorry!” It had just dawned on her what she’d said.

“So… there’s a lot to catch up on” he added, “A lot.”

She nodded and made a little motion with her hand as though she was zipping her mouth shut. She snuggled in close to him and began to stuff handfuls of popcorn and chocolate in her mouth. He rolled his eyes as the noise of her crunching popcorn drowned out the TV, but he didn’t really care. His mind was elsewhere.

They sat there cuddled together on the couch like that for a while just watching the TV show. She’d made her way through half of the bowl and had finally stopped offering it to him after he’d given in and eaten one chunk of chocolate and a handful of popcorn. She was persistent! He’d give her that! He glanced down at her as the light flickered on her face. He did like her. As a flatmate, she was a lot of fun to be around, and she definitely brightened things up for him a lot. She wouldn’t allow him to retreat into himself as much as he would have done otherwise. Even though he found that intensely annoying a lot of the time, he knew that she was good for him. She forced him to talk when he didn’t want to, and often wouldn’t take no for an answer when he didn’t want to go out, but she knew when to back off too. She knew how to read his moods, and she dealt with his weirdness better than anyone else he knew. And most importantly, she hadn’t run a mile when he’d told her he’d been to prison. Finding a room to rent when you had a conviction for manslaughter wasn’t all that easy. People tended to be a little wary and it was hard to find a way to prove yourself to them. Anna had taken a chance on him. He didn’t really know why.

“Did Ricky text you?” he asked, when the episode came to an end.

She looked up at him and set the bowl on the table. “She did!” she smiled, “Big news?!”

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” he asked.

“You think he popped the question?” she giggled, “It has to be that, doesn’t it?! …I mean… unless she’s pregnant?!”

He grimaced. He knew that she couldn’t know about Ricky’s injuries, but he was so glad that she’d said it to him and not to Ricky. He’d been able to intercept her before she said anything that would ruin the evening tomorrow! “She’s not pregnant…” he said, shaking his head at her, “She can’t… I mean… she got hurt and she can’t have any more…”

“Oh God! I didn’t know!” she gasped, “Thank God you told me!”

“It’s not something she likes to talk about” he replied, “So don’t say anything…”

“I won’t! …God! Course, I won’t!” she assured him.

“So, it’s definitely not that…” he said, “It has to be the engagement.”

“Or they’re moving?” she suggested.

“I hope not” he sighed. He’d come to rely on Ricky more than he liked to admit. Without her, he felt like he’d probably be cast adrift. As close as he was to Kyle, they had very different lives now. Kyle and Ben had a lot less time for hanging out what with the pressures of family life. Having two small kids tended to do that for you! Now, it was all toddler playgroups and afternoons at soft-play centres and baby yoga. All they could talk about was potty training and teething and nappy rash, and they couldn’t do anything past about 9 o’clock in the evening because they had to get the kids to bed. He was trying his best to take an interest, and he’d even babysat on a number of occasions, but he just wasn’t sure how he fit into their lives anymore. They seemed to be heading off in opposite directions and he couldn’t help feeling a little lost.

“I wonder what the boys’ll say?” she asked with a little grimace, “I mean… I know it’s been a long time… but… Heath and Kyle…”

“I know” he nodded, “It’s tough for them.”

“But I mean…” she started to say, “Ten years...”

“He was their brother” he said, with a shrug, “It’s hard to see Ricky with someone else… even if he is gone.”

“Yeah, I guess” she nodded, “I can’t imagine how I’d feel if my brother just went missing… It’s the not knowing, isn’t it? …Like it might be easier if he was dead?”

“I think they know he’s dead” sighed Josh, “I mean, it’s been so long… If he was going to come back, he’d have done that by now…”

“You really think he’s dead?” she asked.

“Yeah… I mean, they’d have found something by now” he said, “You don’t just disappear like that…”

“I guess” she said. She couldn’t help picturing the photos that she’d seen in Ricky’s living-room. The man in those pictures had always looked like a nice man to her, a kind man. She’d never met him, of course, but listening to them talk about him, it was clear just how important he had been to this entire family. Not just Ricky… or even just his immediate family. Josh had been badly affected by his disappearance too. As an outsider, she could see the gaping hole that he’d left behind. It seemed so very sad that someone had killed him and not even had the decency to tell the family where his body was. That they hadn’t allowed them to have that sense of closure. To be able to mourn him. It just seemed unnecessarily cruel.

“They can’t expect her to wait around forever…” continued Josh, “I think they know they have to let him go.”

“And Cameron’s a good guy” said Anna, “I mean… Kyle and Heath like him, don’t they?”

“Yeah… they do…” said Josh. As unlikely as it seemed, both of the boys had come to accept Cameron to some extent, and even hung out with him from time to time. It was a wonder that they all got on so well, especially considering Cameron’s line of work! No-one could ever have predicted it, that was for sure!

“So, you think they’ll be happy for her?” she asked a little dubiously.

“I think Kyle will” he answered, “As for Heath….”

“Yeah, I can imagine…” she agreed.

“I guess we’ll find out tomorrow” he said with a little shrug, “Just hope they don’t ruin it for her… She deserves to be happy.”

He picked up the remote control and pressed play on the next episode. She took that as a sign to keep quiet and snuggled in against him again. He made a conscious effort to relax a little and rested his chin on top of her head. He saw her smile and gave a little sigh. This was the most comfortable that he’d felt with anyone since what happened with Alexei. Maybe it was because he knew she didn’t want anything from him. She wasn’t making a move on him. She wasn’t trying to get in his pants. They were just friends. More like siblings really. Like having a little sister… Maybe he could get used to this?

He pulled out his phone and looked at the text that he’d received from Debbie just before he’d got home. ‘It’s over, Josh. I do care about you, so I really hope you get some help, for your own sake, but please don’t call me again’