The Waves Crash!

[christine king]

4 hours ago, Ludub said:

I was wondering if there's a reason it's formatted so strangely? It's very hard to read, because you can't tell who's speaking very easily. You don't normally format your stories like this?

Anyway... I like the premise. Interesting twist at the end that Casey and Indi are together, and that Brax has decided to meddle in his love life and try to get him back with Ruby. Wonder why he thinks Indi is wrong for him?

It’s formatted like this because I wanted to get thoughts and feelings and not just words like I normally do but I’ll see if I can make it easier to read for everyone, thanks for bringing this to attention, feedback is very welcome 

Yes Brax has his reasons and you will discover them soon. Thanks for reading.

28 minutes ago, pembie said:

Brax has gone to alot of trouble if he wants Ruby and Casey together lets see if his meddling pays off. Thats botherly love at a whole new level.

If it was my choice I would choose Ruby any day of the week..

Wondering if Brax is this crashing wave though thinking his doing good but destorying everything for everyone

Brax is sure he knows what he is doing but whether he does or not is another story. Hmm intersting thinking Brax is the wave, you may be onto something their haha. Thanks for reading.

[Ludub]

All you need is spaces between the lines of dialogue:

Ruby arrives and takes a few deep breaths to calm herself, she can do this. Just as she's about to walk to the front door Casey comes out if it! Ruby and Casey both stare at each other in shock, they are very surprised to see each other. Casey attempts to talk but he can't get any words out and Ruby is the same. Indi arrives and is shocked to see Casey and Ruby together. Ruby finally finds her voice.

Ruby: Hi

Casey: Hi

Indi: what the hell are you doing here?

Ruby: I can explain

Indi: well...

Ruby: I can came back because..

Brax arrives after hearing the commotion

Brax: I brought her back!

Indi: How could you?

Casey: Brax...

Brax: Cas come on

Casey: I..

Brax: don't do this!

Casey: I won't

Casey bails and heads towards the street

Ruby: what the hell is going on?

Indi: Brax didn't tell you? of course he didn't! Me and Casey are together now!

 

By the way, I really like that you're giving narration as well, and explaining the thoughts and feelings of your characters. Well written. 

[pembie]

Maybe you could put the thoughts in a different font?

[christine king]

4 hours ago, Ludub said:

All you need is spaces between the lines of dialogue:

Ruby arrives and takes a few deep breaths to calm herself, she can do this. Just as she's about to walk to the front door Casey comes out if it! Ruby and Casey both stare at each other in shock, they are very surprised to see each other. Casey attempts to talk but he can't get any words out and Ruby is the same. Indi arrives and is shocked to see Casey and Ruby together. Ruby finally finds her voice.

Ruby: Hi

Casey: Hi

Indi: what the hell are you doing here?

Ruby: I can explain

Indi: well...

Ruby: I can came back because..

Brax arrives after hearing the commotion

Brax: I brought her back!

Indi: How could you?

Casey: Brax...

Brax: Cas come on

Casey: I..

Brax: don't do this!

Casey: I won't

Casey bails and heads towards the street

Ruby: what the hell is going on?

Indi: Brax didn't tell you? of course he didn't! Me and Casey are together now!

 

By the way, I really like that you're giving narration as well, and explaining the thoughts and feelings of your characters. Well written. 

Thanks for all your help, I will set it up like that from now on. Thanks I thought I would tap into that and see whether I could write it well.

[christine king]

Chapter 2:

 

The Beach

Brax walks along the beach trying to find someone and when he finds them he yells out 

Brax: Casey!

Casey sighs and starts thinking why?! but he knows he has to talk to him. Like right now so he does.

Casey:what?!

Brax: is that any way to greet your brother?

Casey: maybe? Who knows your annoying me!

Brax: just calm down!

Casey: No! You brought Ruby here, Why?

Brax: you know why?

Casey does, he knows Brax is right but he can’t face this... he can’t face her! Not now.. not when he’s so torn about what to do! And what about Indi? They were happy weren’t they? Hell even he dosen’t know anymore! Urg why did Brax do this? Why couldn’t he just leave leave things alone for once!

 

The Palmer House

Xaiver arrives and when he see’s his parents looking angry in front of him he’s wondering why? He soon finds out why though!

Gina: you have like 2 seconds to tell us what’s happening?

John: yeah what secrets are you hiding from us?

Xaiver: what do you mean?

Gina: we found the card and money from your brother! Why didn’t you tell us?

Xaiver: maybe because you knowing as well is putting you in danger!

Gina: hey! He’s my son too. I deserve to know how he is! We protect our own you know that!

Xaiver: I know, I was just worried!

Gina: you don’t need to be! I can handle this, we all can!

Xaiver: I’m sorry I didn’t tell you

Gina: have you kept all the letters.. the notes?

Xaiver: yes of course

Giba: well show me!

Xaiver: of course! Be right back

Xaiver heads to his room to get the letters but he keeps thinking about the last one Hugo sent... He didn’t know how he was going to tell his Mum about that.. but he had too.. maybe she could even come with him? To see them! He hoped she will.

 

Irene’s House

Liam and Bianca arrive, it’s been a while. April greets them happily as does Irene.

Bianca: So hows life here?

Irene: normal I guess

Liam: normal? normal! Or Bay? normal!

Irene: bay normal

Liam: haha, though so

April: how’s the city?

Bianca: great. You should come visit 

April: I will I’ve just been busy with uni

Liam: yeah we know

Bianca: that’s why we’re here, to give you a break

April: it’ll be nice to hang out again.. I miss  you guys

Bianca: we miss you too

Liam: yeah of course and the offer still stands about coming to live with us in the city if that’s what you want, Dex too of course.

April: I’ve been thinking about it

Bianca: come on let’s go to the beach

April: sounds good

 

The Braxton House

Brax was thinking a lot lately. He’s so concerned about Casey it’s literally tearing him apart and every time I make a move I feel like it’s the wrong one but when I let things lie it doesn’t get any better, he’s beginning to think he can’t find any solution that will makes things better again but maybe he’s praying for something that will never be. Urg why do I feel responsible for everything lately, it’s like everything is my fault even when it’s not! It’s hard to figure out what I should do when even I don’t know anymore!

 

The Apartment

 

Ruby is making herself some dinner when she hears a knock on the door.. she goes to answer it but is surprised to find out who is standing in front of her.

Ruby: Hi...

[Guest]

Great chapter

lots going on.

Wonder who went to see Ruby

Update again soon

[christine king]

44 minutes ago, Kristen said:

Great chapter

lots going on.

Wonder who went to see Ruby

Update again soon

I wonder? You may be surprised 

[Inactive User]

Great chapter

Liked the interaction between the characters.

Wondering who is that at the end...?

Update soon please xx

[pembie]

At the moment Brax on is on top of my wave crashing list but it could also be Hugo Hey they could both go crashing into each other and cause mayhem haha

[christine king]

4 hours ago, ~JarlieFanEver~ said:

Great chapter

Liked the interaction between the characters.

Wondering who is that at the end...?

Update soon please xx

Yes I wonder.

2 hours ago, pembie said:

At the moment Brax on is on top of my wave crashing list but it could also be Hugo Hey they could both go crashing into each other and cause mayhem haha