Twisted Tales - Reborn

[JosieTash]

CHAPTER ELEVEN !!!

Tasha sensed the pain that kane was feeling. as much as Kane didn't really like his "wonderful" father Gus, he ceratinly didn't want Gus to die becasue of Trigger Happy Jack. Tasha also knew that she could not rely on flynn & the increasingly under resourced hospital. Tash raided her supply of "natural medicine" and headed fro the beach house. tash planned to use the knowledge her survival adopted parents toaught her to heal Gus' gunshot wounds. Tash arrived at the beachbhouse and began to save Gus' life. Suddenly someone wearing a balclava arrived. They demanded that tash should stop trying to save Gus life. Tash (whilst still operating on Gus) demands to know who this masked person is. When they do, Tasha is TOTALLY in shock as it's someone she never expected. Tash braces herself for a fight - but who is her opponent ???

Meanwhile, Flynn who is operating on Dan all by himself (as the hospital is soooooo short of staff) begins to get really hungry again. Flynn doesn't feel like going anywhere to actually get some food - esp. when his drug-crazed brain tells him that his pregnancy craving is HUMAN FLESH !!!!!!!!!! Flynn immediately stops operating on Dan - and Flynn starts eating the counselor !!!!

Naughty Nurse Julie is searching everywhere in the hospital for Flynn. They’ve got a birthing class to go to. Will Naughty Nurse Julie find Flynn before he totally devours the (koala bear-ly) still alive Dan ???

Saintly Scotty P is astonished when Kit tells him that Simple Scott’s biological mum is ..... WITCHIE CASSIE !!!!!

Saintly Scotty P immediately believes Kit - as he knows just how old Witchie Cassie really is/ Saintly Scotty P approaches Simple Scott - and Kit is sure that Simple Scott will be able to handle the info of his true parentage becasue it's being told to him by the most serene being in the universe. Simple Scott thanks Saintly Scotty P for telling him the truth. Simple Scott passes by the still hunchbacked Mad Martha as he races to Witchie Cassie's hide out. Simple Scott enters his biological mum's hide out. Witchie Cassie knows that he is aware that he is his mum. Simple Scott runs to his biological mum - he hugs Witchie Cassie with all his might. Simple Scott, however, doesn't realize just how grisly bear-like his hug is - and he KILLS Witchie Cassie with his kindness !!!!!!!

Tilly decides that whilst incest with henry/luke was fun, it's Amanda that she REALLY wants. Tilly, however, doesn't want to hurt her brother so she asks her other brother, Brainiac Robbie, to create a full size clone of herself (for Henry/Luke). Robbie thinks the request is rather weird but he loves the complex scientific conundrum that it represents. Robbie eagerly begins creating a cloning machine. It takes the brainiac a mere couple of hours - and Tilly loves that her bro has completed the task so quickly. As Tilly straps herself into Robbie’s cloning machine, Robbie tells Tilly that if the cloning is successful, he'll be asking Tilly for a favor. Tilly agrees to do whatever it is, even before she hears what Robbie wants. Robbie switches on the machine - and 15 minutes later, the process is finished. Tilly unstraps herself - she can't believe when she sees, and touches, her fulled sized clone. Tilly now wonders just what favor that Robbie wants from her - Tilly braces herself as Robbie approaches her (and her clone). Just what will Robbie ask of his younger sister ???

Meanwhile, Mad Martha is overjoyed that she's back to normal (breasts in front like they should be). Mad Martha doesn't care why she's like this (i.e. becasue of Witchie Cassie's death). Indeed, Mad Martha decides the best way of celebrating this is to approach Bordello Beth & Big Jugs Josie - to ask them for a job at their adult establishment. How will the 2 ladies of the night react ???

Sally is in the bush lands near the caravan park. She’s just dug a big hole in the ground - to bury Wazza. She sees Alf approaching, so sally quickly hides. Those alien drugs however suddenly blind Alf - he falls into the hole that sally has dug. Sally races over to Alf. He’s unconscious and not breathing. Sally starts doing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation of her friend - but now the alien drugs are entering Sally's body. How will they affect the saucy teacher ???

"Pregnant" Hayley has just finished getting ready for her big date with her imaginary boyfriend (plank of wood Kimmy). Hayley plans to propose to Kimmy tonight. Hayley looks in the mirror - and thinks she looks fantastic. Hayley, however, seems to take NO notice of the fact that now she has green hair (instead of her usual blonde locks). Will anyone else notice, and will they will Hayley ???

Osiejay Ashtay

[wanda]

CHAPTER TWELVE

Tasha wrestled her opponent to the ground and tore off the (beautifully hand knitted) balaclava .....she gasped as she saw her assailant was none other than Mad Max Sutherland !! Last Tasha had seen Max he had run away to be a circus midget with Floss's carnival....yet here he was back in the bay.And Tasha knew that wherever Max was ,his partner in crime and dangerous fugitive Colleen Smart wouldn't be far behind!!

Colleen noticed the herbal remedy that Tasha was using on Gus and expertly rolled herself a spliff as she told Tasha her demands. Gus had betrayed Max and Colleen and following an armed robbery had run off with the loot , they had tracked him down to Summer Bay and they were going to make him pay.Will Gus SURVIVE??

Trigger-happy Jack , the hapless local cop had seen Colleen and Max enter the building , he immediately radioed his amaxing superior officer , the highly commended and decorated Peter. Unfortunately Peter was busy at Beth's bordello at the time , and seeing that it was only Jack radioing he ignored the call...it was official police policy in Summer Bay to ignore Jack . This meant that Jack had to tackle the situation on his own ,which given his trigger-happy nature ,didn't bode well for Tasha , Max,Colleen and Gus.WHO WILL SURVIVE????

Trigger-happy Jack burst into the room, guns blazing ....luckily he was a crap shot and only managed to mortally wound a table lamp before he tripped up over his own feet and knocked himself unconscious . When he woke up he found that he was deaf,dumb and blind ...but he sure played a mean pin-ball!!

Meantime Colleen had fallen asleep, due to the weed she had smoked ,and Tasha and Max had started making out ,leaving Gus free to make his escape ....will a VENGEFUL Gus make Summer Bay PAY??!!!!

Back in the hospital Flynn had devoured all of Dan's internal organs ...he realised that he might just get into trouble if anyone found out , so he put Dan on a ventilator and sent word to Summer Bay that a donor was needed urgently. In true Summer Bay spirit the community rallied around and offered to be tested for compatibility ...no identical brothers or cousins appeared which was highly unusual,but in the end some nameless unimportant people were used as donors. Most of them died , but they were only extras so no one cared and Dan made a miraculous recovary ,going jogging the next day with just a small band-aid to show for his ordeal. Flynn however was facing a serious ethical dilemma ...how could he continue as a doctor whilst devouring his patients' organs ...a habit he knew he could not give up HIS PREGNANCY cravings were too strong. Flynn knew that leaving his job was not an option ,he was far too scared of Sally to consider it....WHAT WILL FLYNN DO....WILL HIS MARRIAGE SURVIVE IF SALLY FINDS OUT HIS DEADLY SECRET???!!!!Will nurse Julie help him again??!!

Stupid Scott Hunter was playing on Kane's boat when he saw a smarmy looking bloke in a suit . He asked him if he wanted to play ...the rich-boy business man gave hima look of disdain and said ...''Josh West doesn't play games with imbeciles''.

Stupid Scott hunter didn't take offence since he had no idea what an imbecile was , and watched in awe as the smarmy guy walked on. Cassie the ancient Crone however had heard the insult to her intellectually challenged son and put a hex on Josh West.What will happen to smarmy Josh West and his quest for more wealth ??!!

Meanwhile Robbie approached Tilly and the full sized clone of her that he made ...unfortunately the clone was sensitive to noise and Robbie's booming annoying voice caused it to explode. The fragments travelled far and a shard of dust landed on Ric (the wierd druggy kid who's drug crazed dellusions lead him to annoy Alf and get turned into a fish)the shard instantly killed the annoying teen fish boy so Alf flushed him down the toilet.IS THIS THE END OF THE ANNOYING TEEN....WILL HE SURVIVE ??!!!

Saintly Scotty P and his brother Kane received a telephone call fromRhys Sutherland . Rhys told Kane (who was like a son tohim) that evil Shelley had escaped from the psychiatric unit and was stalking the Bay ...BUT she was in disguise ....which one of the Bay's newcomers is actually evil Shelley in disguise ....what EVIL intentions does the STALKER have??!!

Hayley was busy planning her wedding to the imaginary boyfriend , when SHOCK HORROR someone stole the plank of wood. What will the DISTRAUGHT MUM TO BE (of imaginary babies) do without her beloved plank!!?? And WHY has noone noticed the change in her hair colour!!!????

[JosieTash]

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Tasha (having realised that she’s suffered a moment of TOTAL insanity) pushed max aside – indeed, Tasha is soooooooo reviled by this that she has decided to steer clear of all men …. and she also decides to become an avenger of all women who’ve been wronged by men. Tash thinks that she should have a super hero like name & costume for this mission. Tasha decides that her alter ego will be known as …….

Meanwhile, the residents of the bay are living in fear – as cool hand colleen & the evil Gus are separately terrorizing the town. Both colleen & Gus want summer bay to be their turf. Gus thinks that he can easily best his partner in crime, but colleen (literally) isn’t giving up without a fight. Who will be victorious???

Sally decides that she should be doing more for the world – so she goes to the hospital and asked Naughty Nurse Julie if she can donate one of her kidneys (so a sick person can be healed). Naughty Nurse Julie is most appreciative of sally’s kindness. As the nurse leads Sally to the operating theatre they are surprised to see that Flynn appears to be eating in the room where they kept the donated organs. Sally is partic curious why Flynn isn’t munching away is the lunchroom, or outside, so she decides to investigate. Naughty Nurse Julie tries to stop Sally – but the sexy teacher uses the extra strength THOSE alien drugs have given her to easily best the naughty nurse.

Flynn is SHOCKED to be caught red handed (eating a donor heart) when sally enters the room. Flynn thinks that sally will surely divorce him – and tell the medical authorities. However, Sally rather surprises Flynn when she says that she won’t dob him in – or divorce him – IF Flynn is able to find the cure for a new VERY DEADLY sexually transmitted disease, as since Sally ingested those alien drugs (whilst saving Alf), every student that Sally is slept with has DIED minutes after the intercourse is over. Will Flynn be able to find a cure – and not only save the sally’s sex partners, but his marriage AND his career ???

Cassie the Ancient Crone has put a spell of Posh Josh which makes him 10 years older EVERY time that he touches, or talks about his one true love, money. Posh John knows that he is being badly affected by Cassie’s spell – but is his love of money strong enough to withstand every thing that the spell is doing to him???

Ric can’t believe it that he has emerged in the ocean (after going through the sewerage pipes etc) as a 100% human again. Ric, however, begins to notice that he’s not as normal as he thinks when he goes to the bathroom. How has Ric been affected since Alf flushed Ric's fishy self down the toilet ???

Kane & Saintly Scotty P ignore the suggestions that Amanda must be Shelley in disguise – as that seems too obvious. They instead suspect that Shelley has had a sex change – and is now impersonating Tony (the father of Trigger Happy Jack – and Henry/Luke). Despite Saintly Scotty P’s serene knowledge, there are ppl in the bay who think that he & Kane (the son Rhys never had) are barking up the wrong tree this time. How will Saintly Scotty P prove that his suspicions are correct ???

“Pregnant†Hayley realises that Simple Scott must have “plank-napped†the father of her child. As Hayley runs towards the Hunter House, she can hear the sound of someone trying to start up a chainsaw. “Pregnant†Hayley runs even faster – and doesn’t notice that she now has PURPLE hair. Is Hayley’s suspicion (about simple Scott) correct???, and will she notice that her hair has change colour THIS time ???

Meanwhile, EVERYONE is shocked when Gypsy arrives in town (after years of hearing silly excuses why she hasn’t made been able to attend various weddings etc). Tilly doesn’t care about this – and instantly tunrs her attentions form Amanda in a bid to court Gyspy. The other Baysiders ARE concerned about Gypsy’s return. Why IS the redhead back in town – and why AREN’T Will & Lilly with her ???

OsieJay Ashtay

[wanda]

CHAPTER 14

Tasha decides to call herself ''Nature Girl'' and gets Beth to make her a costume in fetching green. Beth has plenty of time on her hands ,she hasn't seen any of her kids in weeks, her business went broke due to the terrible STD which one of Sally's pupils passed on to Josie just before dying .(He was nameless though , so it really didn't matter.) What will Nature Girl's first heroic mission be.???!!!

Morag discovered that this deathly illness had been introduced to the Bay by a mad scientist known only as DB. Many of the Baysiders were dropping like flies ,but now Flynn had succumbed to it ,rather than the nameless nobody's ,so it was becoming serious. With Flynn out of action and on a life support machine ,it was left to some obscure doctor to try and find a cure. This stupid person however forgot just how dangerous the roads are in Summer Bay and was killed in a car wreck within five minutes.

It was now up to our resident heros Kane and his super intelligent brother , Saintly Scotty P , to find DB and get the antidote to this plague of death hanging over the Bay. Will they find this dark and dastardly character in time???!!!

Sally is especially concerned because if Flynn dies then so will his baby , and they had been offered mega-bucks by Posh Josh for the story.

Posh Josh however has bigger fish to fry ,he wants to become Mayor of Summer Bay ,and only Alf Stewart stands in his way. Alf has been having fun with the local slut Amanda ,since Beth's Bordello has been out of action , and Josh (apart from being jealous , because no one will sleep with him) has pictures to prove it....can Alf find the incriminating photos in time???!!!

Before Josh had time to show the incriminating photos he was shot seventy five times ,and with no doctors left in Summer Bay he died an agonising death .(Yay we have reprised the kill Josh in every ep tradition!) He had gone to the bank to count his money ,when Gus and Colleen burst through the doors and robbed the bank , although they had guns they didn't need to use them.Unfortunately Trigger Happy Cop Jack burst in after they had gone and shot Josh .Gus and Colleen have decided to join forces and are on a robbing spree!! Who will stop their dastardly deeds??!!!And who will stop Trigger Happy Jack from killing everyone??!!

Ric went to visit Cassie the Ancient Crone in a bid to help him with his embarrassing problem. When he had gone to the bathroom he was distraught to see that his manhood had turned intoa tiny tadpole!! Cassie was most unsympathetic ...after all it wasn't about her ...and after laughing for several hours told himto rack off!! Ric was so angry he dangled the ancient crone off a cliff by a rope ,but even after dropping her a hundred metres the evil creature refused to die!!!

Hayley's hair has now turned blue (but no one has noticed)...she yelled out to Simple Scott to put the Plank down , but Scott was hell-bent on reducing it to a pile of sawdust. Hayley scattered the sawdust in a moving ceremony but is still visited by the Plank in daily visions. She is distraught that he won't be there for the birth of the imaginary baby , but Simple Scott is trying to comfort her. Will Hayley succomb to the moronic charms of Simple Scott??!!

Meanhile Shelley disguised as Tony is missing her children , so she decides to kidnap Henry/Lucas from Beth. Beth didn't notice anyway ....and she is now brainwashing Henry/Lucas into behaving like her favourite child Jade. He is now writing a boring journal,praying and smiling at everyone.

Gypsy informed everyone that Will had been so upset that Posh Josh had stolen his awful goatee beard that he killed himself.She couldn't remember what had happened to Lily but since no one had believed she existed anyway ,it didn't matter. Matilda is comforting Gypsy and the girls are getting closer.

Irene made a wonderful mushroom omlette with mushrooms supplied by Beth. Beth however forgot to tell her that Simple Scott picked them and they are infact magic mushrooms. Irene started hallucinating and her friends were very concerned about her ,especially given her history of alcoholism and depression. Since there were no doctors in Summer Bay at the moment , and the wise Saintly Scotty P was searching for DB the death merchant ...it was left for her friends to try and diagnose her condition.

Leah shrieked some diagnosis but everyone had covered their ears ,so she was ignored,Alf thought it might be a brain tumour, Beth thought it was too much grog ,Hayley thought it was ''normal'',Simple Scott hadn't got a clue,Dan was busy playing with local slut Amanda to bother ...but someone lurking in the shadows had an answer ...who knows and what is Irene's problem??!!

[JosieTash]

CHAPTER 15

Nature Girl (aka Tash) decides that she will join forces with the Heroic Kane & Saintly Scotty P to try and discover the evil lair of the man they know only as DB. Naturally, as they look, several nameless SES personnel are killed by the evil one.

Nature Girl gets word from one of her many animal friends where DB is hiding. Kane & saintly Scotty P are grateful to Nature Girl, as evil DB had stumped even their masterful brains. The trio approaches the entrance of DB’s lair – where they are greeted with a chilling surprise …..

Sally, meanwhile, is keeping a vigil at the hospital for her beloved Flynn. She senses that his pregnancy cravings had turned Flynn into a cannibal. Sally suspects that this is what caused Flynn to become ill. Sally approaches the alien that’s posing as her baby daughter pippa. Sally pleads with the alien to help Flynn get better. The alien baby pippa says that she will help – but only if sally helps the alien’s species TOTALLY enslave the human race. Will what will sally decide?

Ric decides to approach Josh – to see if he can use his evil connections to help with Ric’s little manhood problem. Josh agrees to help – but Ancient Crone Cassie takes offence that Ric has approached someone else to fix his problem. The angered Cassie uses her witchy powers to turn josh into a high-rise apartment building. She then uses her powers to completely obliterate the building – Josh perishes in a TOTALLY agonising death.

Ancient Crone Cassie, though, is still angry with Ric. What will she do to him ????

Alf is voted in mayor – and because he’s having a fling with local tart Amanda, who’s also an actress, alf decides to lure a major film studio to build sound stages etc in the Bay, so his beloved Amanda can have many acting gigs.

Many residents think that Amanda has TOO much of an influence on Alf. Bordello Beth thinks that the reason why alf is so enamoured with Amanda is because they are sleeping with each other. Bordello Beth decides to the use her skills in the bedroom to lure Alf away from Amanda. Will her plan work ???

“Pregnant†Hayley is walking to the diner – she hasn’t notice that her hair has changed colour again. Hayley is V concerned – as she can sense the ghosts of Noah AND Kimmy (her imaginary boyfriend) are having an ethereal battle for her. Not only that, but she has Simple Scott (who wants to be her boyfriend) to deal with. The stress is all too much for “pregnant†Hayley – who goes into labour. All by herself, Hayley gives birth to what she thinks is a beautiful baby boy – but when she shows the “baby†to everyone, all they see a big “ball†containing all MANY different hair colours that Hayley’s had over the past few days !!!! Will ANYONE be able to make Hayley see what’s REALLY going on ???

No one seems that be able to solve why Irene is behaving the way she is. Trigger Happy Jack decides to solve things the old fashioned way – by shooting Irene. Trigger Happy Jack fires his weapon at Irene. The bullet ricochets off her – and hits Robbie. Trigger Happy Jack’s latest actions have some amazing side affects. Irene is now totally back to normal – but Robbie can’t stop dancing. Robbie touches Amanda – and she’s infected with the dancing bug as well. The same thing happens when Amanda touches the nearby Leah. Will anyone else be affected by the dancing bug – or will Trigger Happy Jack shoot the infected trio before anything else happens ???

The criminal combo of Colleen & Gus decide to embark of the most amazing of challenges. Gus loves Colleen’s evil suggestion for them to COMPLETELY destroy one of history’s most famous protective barriers – the Great Wall of China. Will the evil duo succeed ???

Now that Shelley (disguised as Tony) has turned Henry-Luke into a (behavioural) clone of Jade, Shelley decides that she’ll do the same thing to Tilly & Gypsy. Shelley tries to work her “magic†on the new lovers – as she wants to turn Tilly into a Kirsty clone and Gypsy into a clone of Dani. Shelley convinces herself that she has been successful in doing this – and she simply explains to herself that the new Dani & Kirsty are having an incestuous realtionship.

Will Tilly & Gypsy somehow be able to convince Shelley that they are DEFINETELY not who she thinks they are ???

Osiejay Ashtay

[belgshep]

OK, here goes! I don't think I can match the extremely high standards of humour, depravity (just joking!!) and way-out wacky thinking set in earlier chapters, but there's my attempt ...

CHAPTER 16

Nature Girl Tash, heroic Kane and Saintly Scotty P are surprised when the wise wombat leads them to Dan Baker’s office. Dan used to be a TV script producer with a gambling habit but he changed his name and moved to Summer Bay for anonymity and hoped to start a new life. However, from time to time the urge to go on a killing spree overtakes him and he has to give in to his urges. Dan has been trying hard to pretend that he’s a friendly counsellor but in reality he actually changes into a werewolf-like monster every night so he has to go out to find someone to eat. In order to cover his tracks, he’s been pretending that people are dying from a mysterious virus. Food has been getting pretty scarce for Dan recently since Flynn started pilfering his supply of body parts from the hospital. When Tash opens the door of Dan’s office she is shocked to see Dan in full transformation to “werewolfâ€. What happens next?

Colleen and Gus approach Simple Scott to take them to China on the Blaxland. Scott isn’t sure where China is but he doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s not sure, so in embarrassment he stares at the bottom of the mug he’s holding and it says “made in Chinaâ€!! Scott knows his Mum bought the mug from K-mart so he decides that’s where China must be. As it’s not far, he tells Colleen and Max he’ll take them to China as long as they pay the fuel costs.

Sally agrees to alien baby Pippa’s demands to allow domination of the human race in return for Flynn’s life, but Sal secretly has her fingers crossed behind her back and has her own devious plan to thwart baby Pippa’s world domination plan. What is Sal’s counterplan?

Ric is still most distressed about his shrunken manhood so he goes to see his granddad Alf and explains the problem. Alf tells him that dressing as a girl can sometimes have this effect!!!!!! (Alf’s been waiting for AGES to have a crack at Ric for that!) When he’s stopped laughing, Alf relents and tells Ric that he just has to think big and his manhood will grow accordingly. Ric thinks huge and soon realizes that he now has a very different problem!!!! How does Ric control this new problem?

The crone Cassie is most upset when she finds that Alf has solved Ric’s problem, but she is rather taken by Ric’s new look and decides that she must have him now. Ric is horrified when he sees the witchy crone lusting after him and he looks for somewhere to hide. He runs into the newly built “A-Vale-able studio†and sees Amanda engaged in some shocking behaviour. What is Amanda doing and who is she with?

Trigger-Happy Jack is annoyed that he shot Irene but didn’t actually manage to kill her. He rushes off to find someone else to shoot and comes across Josh, who is also hiding in Amanda’s studio watching the “filmingâ€. Jack fires a few shots at Josh and Amanda thinks that this is a scene from her new film so she rushes in like the heroine she thinks she is and wrestles with Jack to get the gun. Several more shots are fired and someone dies. Who is it?

Josh escapes from the studio and runs out into the night. He bumps into Robbie and Leah who are dancing in the street and Leah steps on his foot in her new red diamante-encrusted stilettos, skewering him neatly to the road. Leah shrieks “Dammit, you fool, look what you’ve done to my lovely new shoes!!†Jack, who had been infected with the dancing bug while grappling with Amanda, comes dancing down the street. He hears Leah shrieking (as does the rest of Australia, and even a few people in England) and thinks there’s been a murder, so he tries to shoot Josh again since he looks like the likely culprit. It doesn’t matter anyway as it’s only Josh and no-one will care. Since Jack can’t stop dancing, his aim is even more crap than usual and he takes out a small tree, three windows, the “Welcome to Summer Bay†sign, a passing truck and 12 unknown innocent bystanders, but still doesn’t manage to hit Josh. Leah watches this in stunned awe, then silently removes her shoe from Josh’s foot, but she is so p*ssed off about the state of her new shoes that she immediately re-skewers Josh to the road using a rusty old barbecue skewer from the diner. Leah carefully wipes the blood from her shoe onto Josh’s hideous shirt and stomps off, leaving Josh still skewered in the middle of the road. Josh decides to wait for the SES to come and rescue him, but it’s dark and they can’t ever find anyone even when it’s daylight so he has little hope! 240 of them set out to search for Josh but they all walk around together holding hands and trying to look like they’re doing something important. No-one is really bothered about looking for Josh so they decide to go to Noah’s for a beer instead. The SES find Josh’s dehydrated body when they leave Noah’s a week and a half later!!!!!!

Knowing that Amanda is busy at the studio, Bordello Beth decides now is the time to lure Alf away from Amanda so she puts on her sexy red satin basque with black lace trim and goes over to Alf’s to seduce him. Alf opens the door and has a good gawp, but then laughs and says that actually he prefers younger, blonder, thinner women and slams the door in Bordello Beth’s face. Beth is absolutely LIVID at ALL those insults. What will she do to Alf?

Mad Martha is driving home in her grandad’s ute and she sees Josh in the road so she tries to flatten him, but she accidentally hits the still-dancing Trigger-Happy Jack instead. With Jack clinging to the ute she drives wildly through Summer Bay looking for somewhere soft so she can brake hard and chuck him off the ute, just like she’s seen on TV. (She likes to copy things she sees in TV programmes and tried to shoot Ric in the head ‘cos she saw that in a cop show and it looked like fun.) Martha sees Beth ahead and decides that Beth’s chest (in the red basque) looks like a good option, since Sally’s not around just now. Martha brakes hard and Jack hurtles off the front of the ute and lands safely on Beth, but his head becomes stuck between Beth’s ample breasts. Martha is horrified at this turn of events so she reverses rapidly and accidentally drives off the wharf. Will Jack be able to extricate himself from Beth’s breasts before he suffocates?

Fortunately, Scott is still trying to find his way out of the bay and has now done 3002 circuits using up 788 tanks of fuel. Colleen and Gus, who are a bit short of cash, are relieved and very glad to find that Martha is now parked on the deck as she’ll have to split the cost of the fuel with them if she’s coming to China too!!!!

Having conned everyone into thinking that she’s OK again, Irene goes back home to the beach house. Later, however, she is seen wandering around in a bikini and ski boots, wearing a welder’s mask, swigging paint stripper, sniffing glue, eating pencils and talking to visions of Chloe that appear in her wardrobe door. What’s wrong with Irene and will anyone be able to save her?

Hayley gives her newborn “baby†his first bath and is distraught when the colours all run into each other and the hairball disintegrates, leaving her with a mass of muddy green strands of hair. Hayley grabs the slimy mass and rushes off to find a doctor to treat her poor sick child. Can he be saved?

Tilly and Gypsy get sick of Shelley/Tony following them around and calling them Kirsty and Dani. In return for a special favour, they obtain a magic mirror from witchy crone Cassie and when Shelley/Tony starts pestering them, they hold the mirror up so that Shelley sees her reflection in it. There’s a flash of lightning, the mirror splinters into a thousand pieces and Shelley is shocked to find that she has now turned into a clone of Rhys. How will the Bay cope with the Rhys clone and what special favour do Tilly and Gypsy now owe to the witchy crone Cassie?

[JosieTash]

CHAPTER 17

Our heroic trio to fight the evil DB werewolf on 3 fronts - using their own special skills to combat the beast. Nature Girl Tash tries to use her well-known animal taming powers. Saintly Scotty P uses all his godly, serene powers of persuasion against the beast, whilst Kane decides to fight the beast hand to hand. Will any of our Heroic trio being successful against the evil werewolf ??????

Mad Martha tries to talks to silly Scott about the journey to china. When she can't understand a word that silly Scott is saying, she decides to find the map that silly Scott is using to plot a course to china. Mad Martha can't believe it when she sees a K Mart catalogue !!!!!! where the map should be.

Mad Martha is about to confront Silly Scott about this when her irrational thing of doing things that she's seen on TV returns. Mad Martha sees a shark put its fin above the water nearby. She garbs one of the scuba tanks aboard the blaxland. She dives off the boat ....... and tries to put the scuba tank in the shark's mouth. Mad Martha is (naturally) trying to replicate that seen at the end of "Jaws". Will Mad Martha be able to destroy the evil shark ???

Sally tells the now EXTREMELY well Flynn that she plans to double cross the aliens. Flynn tells Sally that the aliens have enhanced him so that now he can look at patient and (x ray style) see their insides. Flynn tells Sally that the alien baby pippa is receiving instructions from the other aliens via telepathy. Flynn suspects that this telepathic bond will be broken if the alien baby pippa is in, say, a deep dark cavern. Sally knows that it will take too long to get the alien bub into such at place before they receive the instructions to enslave the human race, so sally decides to use those MAMMOTH breasts of hers for good - she picks up the alien baby pippa and places the child DEEP into her cleavage. The alien baby pippa discovers that it can no longer hear the telepathic commands of the other aliens. Will Sally's ample cleavage continue to save the human race - or will the alien baby pippa be able to esacpe ???

Ric remembers that, a few years ago, that members of a species of part human/part dinosaur came to the bay. Ric covers his BIG male apenadage and the lower half of his body) in some leathery type materail - so he resembles one of the dino people. Ric also puts his BIG apenadge bewteen his legs and pretends that it's the dino's tale. Will anyone discover that it's actually Ric - or will they believe that he's a member of the dino ppl species ????

Witchy Crone Cassie KNOWS that it's Ric in disguise - but she's desperate to be pleasured by his now V BIG male apenadge. When Cassie follows Ric into the studio, they see Amanda with Kit. Amanda is trying to seduce Kit - as Amanda REALLY wants to make up it to Kit for convincing Beth that Kit had fallen off the wagon. Both Cassie & Ric can't believe it when Kit accepts Amanda's offer - and they (Amanda & Kit) start PASHING !!!! Has Kit really fallen for Amanda - or is it part of Kit's plans to avenge Amanda for disgracing Kit's reputation ???

The person that is killed - from the bullet fired from Trigger Happy Jack's gun - is the director of Amanda's new film, Peter Jackson !!!!!!! But why is the legendary director in the Bay, i.e. just what sort of movie was he making ???? and how will all the many Lord Of The Rings fans react to the news of Jackson's death ???? Will they arrive & destroy the Bay ????

Robbie & Leah can't believe that they just can't stop dancing. They try to approach Witchy Crone Cassie but every time they try, their enchanted feet & legs take them in the opposite direction. Is this ANY way that Robbie & Leah can stop the dancing ?????

Trigger Happy Jack decides to extricate himself from Bordello Beth's ample cleavage by shooting her. He fires several bullets into her legs & torso with absolutely NO affect. Trigger Happy Jack then points the gun at Bordello Beth's breasts. He fires several bullets - something AMAZING happens when the bullets hit Bordello Beth's breasts - what is it (that happens) ??????

Irene is so insane now that no one dares approach her. However the ghost of her fiancé Ken appears to Irene. She thinks that he's just an illusion (like Chloe) but ken is able to convince Irene that he is real. He tells Irene that when she had some medical test done recently, when Flynn drugged her (as part of those tests), Flynn operated on her - and the odd way that she is acting is being caused by the fact that Flynn removed of Irene’s healthy organs, and replaced it with one of the organs that he's already started to eat !!!!! Will Irene believe what the ghost of Ken is telling her ???

Hayley arrives at the hospital, and the now V well Flynn decides to try of save hayley's "baby" he knows that it’s not real - but he pretends that it's a real baby. After several hours if trying to save the life of the "baby", Flynn tells Hayley that the "baby" died.

Hayley "flies" into a fit of rage - she SCREAMS ay the top of her lungs. This shatters EVERY single piece of glass in the Bay (windows, drinking glasses etc) incl. the windscreen of the car that Posh Josh is driving. The shards of glass hit Josh's pathetically week body - and KILL him instantly !!!!!!!

The people of the Bay can't believe that Rhys is back in the bay - after all, he's left the bay several millions times. Many of the Bay residents are annoyed that Rhys is back (esp. because they hated that Rhys' old team, the Sydney Swans, winning the Aussie Rules premiership). The rugby union loving Alf leads a lynch mob that is hell bent on chasing Rhys out of town - but will Shelley be able to prove to the Alf led mob that she's in trapped beneath the Rhys exterior ???

Meanwhile, Tilly & Gypsy set about the task that Witchy Crone Cassie has set for them. They have to go DEEP into the Earth to find the natural resources that are required to produce more FAKE TAN !!!!!!!!!! - the substance which made the old crone appear to be a teenager. Witchy Crone Cassie insists that Tilly & Gypsy will face many supernatural opponents before they attain the resources for the fake tan !!!! Will lesbian lovers Tilly & Gypsy be able to get the substances that Witchy Crone Cassie has tasked them to get ????

Osiejay Ashatay

[belgshep]

CHAPTER 18

Nature Girl Tash talks soothingly to the werewolf creature to calm him down and then heroic Kane punches him in the face so he falls to the ground. While he is laying on the ground, Saintly Scotty P approaches and talks to the creature about the killings he has carried out and tries to convince him to change his evil ways. The werewolf creature listens intently for a while, then he throws back his head and howls with laughter, his eyes glow yellow and an eerie stream of grey smoke starts to come out of his mouth, nose and ears. He leaps up and makes a run for the door. Kane, Tash and Scotty P wrestle him to the ground but he struggles violently and escapes, biting Kane on the arm as he does so. Kane, brave as always, insists that it’s nothing but the bite itches a lot and he starts to feel really weird. What will happen to Kane?

Back at the Blaxland, the shark spits out the oxygen tank, which hits the Blaxland and perforates the hull. Silly Scotty H starts bailing out with his K-mart mug but the water is coming in too fast. Colleen screams hysterically (a dreadful sound) and Gus decides that he’ll have to help Silly Scott before it’s too late. Will the Blaxland sink and will Colleen and Gus ever make it to China? Meanwhile, Martha looks around desperately for something else to use to kill the shark. She spots a huge insulated electrical cable winding across the sea bed. Just as the shark tries to bite Mad Martha she rams the cable into its jaws and the shark bites through the cable. Does the shark die and is Martha OK after spending so long under water without an oxygen tank?

Alien baby Pippa struggles to escape from Sally’s breasts but they repeatedly engulf her and she sinks back into them as they have a life of their own. Alien baby Pippa struggles valiantly to the surface time and time again, but eventually she is exhausted. She’s getting really weak and lack of oxygen is making her feel high so she forgets about the world domination plan. Sal puts her back in her playpen and she plays happily with her cuddly rabbit until an alien electronic device falls out of the cuddly toy’s ear. Pippa suddenly remembers her responsibility to the aliens and she immediately contacts the mother ship, but Zorag, her father, tells her that they got tired waiting for her response as she has been out of contact for 5 weeks and they thought she must have been captured or perished so they decided to take over another planet instead. Apparently, the native beings there are very subservient and do anything the aliens want, so they can’t be bothered with Earth any more as they read in the Galactic Times that humans are troublesome little b*ggers and won’t give in without a fight. The article also said there was a strange creature called a “Leah†that the humans keep as a special defence as it has such a harsh and piercing call that it would perforate the aliens’ eardrums and their brains would leak out. Alien baby Pippa is very concerned that she has now been left isolated, all alone on Earth, with none of her alien friends and no alien drug supply!!!!!!!!! What will she do next?

The still deathly white witchy crone Cassie chases after Ric and when he is in range she extends her long tongue. Her tongue slaps against Ric and sticks to him and then she reels him in. She threatens Ric that she’ll tell his granddad that he cheated in an exam unless he sleeps with her. Ric makes lots of excuses but finally he reluctantly agrees and Cassie has her wicked way with him. Cassie then steals all of Ric’s clothes, including his fake dino tail, and leaves him to walk home completely naked. Will anyone in the Bay see Ric and discover his secret? Meanwhile, Cassie starts to build a “nest†and 3 weeks later she lays a beautiful turquoise egg with silver spots on it. What will the witchy’s egg hatch into?

In the lavish A-vale-able studio, Kit at first just pretends to like Amanda, but after a long pash she decides that she really likes her and the two pleasure each other for a very long time. Kit then realises that she has betrayed her family and she feels awful so she grabs a bottle of vodka from the bar at the studio and runs away. Amanda is heartbroken and rushes after her. Will Amanda be able to change Kit’s mind about her before Kit takes a drink?

Peter Jackson was in the Bay to make a new film called “Lord of the Bayâ€!!!! His fans are absolutely horrified to hear of his death at the hands of Trigger-Happy Jack and a group of them arrive in the Bay in a very big truck in the middle of the night. In tribute to the great man’s recent King Kong remake they release a giant gorilla from the truck, which rampages through the Bay looking for Trigger-Happy Jack. Instead, it comes across Posh Josh West and bites off his head before tearing him limb from limb. The gorilla chews on Josh’s head but finds that it and his sinewy neck taste quite revolting so it spits it out in disgust and climbs up the Summer Bay lighthouse where it is violently sick. What happens next?

Leah and Robbie get hold of some muscle-paralysing drug that is used during surgery. They dance to witchy crone Cassie’s cave and then inject the drug into their legs. Their legs are quickly paralysed and they lay waiting in the cave for Cassie to come back so they can beg her to help them get rid of the dancing bug. Unfortunately for them, witchy crone Cassie is out enjoying herself with Ric. Will the drug wear off before she gets back, and will witchy crone Cassie help them if she’s in a bad mood because she still has no fake tan?

After Trigger-Happy Jack shoots Bordello Beth’s breasts there is a loud hissing noise and her breasts suddenly deflate. Jack is very shocked but he is pleased that his head is now free of Beth’s breasts. As he straightens his uniform and replaces his gun in its holster he hears a strange humming noise. He turns around and sees Bordello Beth looking rather bewildered. Her breasts start to re-inflate and deflate repeatedly and, using the punctures created by the bullets, Beth’s breasts start singing. Beth decides to capitalise on her new-found talent and she makes a record that is released under the name BosomBox 20 and is a huge worldwide hit, enchanting men all over the globe. The singing breasts have haunting melodic voices that are siren-like and attract the menfolk of Summer Bay. Who in the Bay becomes enchanted by Beth’s siren-like singing breasts and will they cause ruin to the bewitched men?

Irene eventually believes Ken’s ghost and angrily goes to the hospital to see Flynn. She confronts him about the organs that he replaced and says she’ll expose Flynn at the hospital if he doesn’t help her immediately (NO, not that sort of expose!!!!!). Flynn agrees to help her by using a new medical procedure that involves implanting stem cells into the damaged organs to regenerate them. Irene undergoes the innovative treatment but human stem cells are hard to obtain so Flynn uses some goat stem cells from a newborn kid that was left over from Irene and Hyde’s goat herd. In the lab, Flynn knocks over the vial and the goat stem cells become contaminated with some other cells that someone left on the bench. After the op, Flynn looks into Irene’s body using his X-ray vision and is fascinated by what he sees. What happens to Irene next?

Hayley is devastated at the loss of her baby so she goes home and tries to take her mind off her grief by doing some artistic things. She starts carving a block of wood and it soon becomes a little boy. Hayley thinks it reminds her of her lost boyfriend Plank so she calls her new child Planknocchio. She sits her new son in a chair while she goes to make a coffee and something strange happens. What happens to Hayley’s new son?

Shelley is desperate to prove that she’s not Rhys to escape Alf’s rugby union lynch mob. She tries putting on a dress but the mob don’t go for that as rumours abound of the time that Rhys wore a skirt and played netball!! Shelley then challenges two of the rugby mob to engage her in conversation at the same time. The two mob members talk to Shelley, while she simultaneously reads a book, watches TV, does a crossword, knits a jumper and cooks a meal all at the same time. It’s quite obvious to the mob that this isn’t Rhys as he had a congenital disease that rendered him incapable of listening to even one person at a time. With the mob off her back, Shelley is desperate to get rid of her bulging eyes, purple shiny face and pulsating veins as looking like Rhys is making her feel quite nauseous. How can Shelley look like Shelley again?

Tilly and Gypsy consult the mystical Book of Tans for the secret ingredients of the fake tan that witchy crone Cassie desires and they compile a list of minerals that are needed from the Earth’s core. These are called orangeyspar, copperina, tannoblende and bronzibolite. Tilly and Gypsy set off to look for the first of these, which is to be found in deep, deep mine in South America. Before departing they dress up in tight black leather gear and find that they absolutely adore looking at each other dressed like that. After overcoming the distraction of the leather gear, they eventually arrive at the mine and are quickly attacked by a huge revolting seven-headed demon, each of whom’s heads looks just like Dani and keeps saying “Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me…†(and that’s seven whiny voices all at once!!!!!!!!!). This demon is just like the Hydra of Greek mythology and grows a new head every time one of its heads is cut off. How will Tilly and Gypsy defeat the seven-headed Dani demon and get to the coveted orangeyspar mineral they need?

[JosieTash]

CHAPTER 19

As Nature Girl Tash battled the evil (Dan) werewolf, Saintly Scotty P was deeply concerned for Kane. The Saintly one was waaaaaaaaaaaaay worried when he asked the slightly dazed Kane what his name is ....... and Kane’s answer was "Craig ..... Craig Palmer". "Craig" then wondered when his sister Grace is .... and he wondered who this strange man (Saintly Scotty P) is. The Saintly One remained calm ... although he was not quite as serene as usual. "Craig" got more & more frustrated that this unknown man was claiming to be his brother ..... and the Saintly Scotty P was saying that their father is WAAAAAAY alive (as Craig's parents died years ago). Saintly Scotty P prayed to the gods for assistance ..... hoping that they would heed his heavenly plea. Seconds later, Saintly Scotty P was pleased that Kane began to remember who he really is ..... but is it REALLY Kane, or (maths) genius Craig still trying to discover where he is etc ???????????????????

Meanwhile, Nature Girl Tash and the werewolf went "toe to toe" all night. Both had many "war wounds" from their ferocious clash ....and Tash was all but naked now as she fought the evil beast. The Nature Girl was hopping that the daylight would return the werewolf to its natural state (i.e. Dan) .......but when it didn't the now totally nude Tasha launched a major attack against the werewolf ..... but just as she was millimeters away from the werewolf, it changed back into puny Dan !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nature Girl Tash couldn't stop herself (because of her momentum) so her FULL ON attack V badly wounded Dan ........ Tash was beside herself with distraught ,.,,,,, she picked Dan up and charged to the hospital ..... where most of the staff (even the female doctors, nurses etc) were in total shock when they saw Tasha's still completely unclad (i.e. naked) bod. Will Tash be able to revive any of the medical staff ... so they can save Dan's life ?????????????????

Mad Martha is totally shocked when the shark ...... and the electrical cable totally disappear. Indeed, Mad Martha is worried that she is suffering from oxygen deprivation when she sees the she has a white circular wall (that appeared to be about 3 metres from her) all around her. Mad Martha then hears a large whooshing sound above her ...... it's the sinking blaxland heading straight for her. Mad Martha is just able to get out of the way as it rushed by her. Mad Martha was further concerned when she heard a BIG thud ....... she swan down to the blaxland which was on the sea floor .... but this was like no other sea floor that Mad Martha had ever encounter ....there was no sand etc or rocks .... just a totally FLAT white sea bed. After checking that no one was aboard the sunken Blaxland, Mad Martha swam up to the top of the water ...... she constantly checked either side of her as she swan ... always that white circular wall around her. When Mad Martha reached the surface of the water, she saw Gus trying to help Colleen from drowning whilst Silly Scott has getting close to the shore. Mad Martha looked all around her ...... then she looked up and saw .....way, waaaaaaaaaaay in the distance what appeared to be a ceiling fan ..... but, like, a monstrous one !!!!!!!!! It suddenly dawned on Mad Martha that she, and the others, might be ........ somehow ....... in the full-to-brim-with-water K MART MUG that Silly Scott was using as a basis to get Colleen & Gus to China !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is Mad Martha dreaming all of this (with the oxygen deprivation) or have Silly Scott and Co been shrunk somehow ??????????

The Alien Baby Pippa is getting restless .... It’s not keen on just being Sally's doting daughter ...... so the alien decides to use its advanced alien brain to try and help ppl. Alien bay Pippa encounters the distressed Shelley (who still looks like Rhys). When Shelley told the alien her problem, the alien baby Pippa suggested that if Shelley meets with the REAL Rhys face to face, then, because of the laws of physics & the universe etc, Shelley would look like herself again. Shelley decides that anything was worth a try at this point .... esp,. since THOSE hideous Rhys looks was getting to be quite annoying to see every time she looked in the mirror. Shelley arranged a metting with Rhys ....... she told him her situation on the phone. Rhys REALLY liked his looks ... and didn't like the thought of having a twin, so he agreed to the meeting. Shelley (accompanied by alien baby Pippa) met up with Rhys at the center of the Sydney Cricket Ground ..... the place where Rhys became an Aussie Rules football legend ........ and Shelley was EXTREMELY pleased when she, as promised, she look like herself again as soon as she & Rhys stared at each other. Unbeknownst to Shelly, Rhys & alien baby Pippa, there was an unforeseen result of what happened !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ric initially tried to hide his BIG appendage for a while, but it was proving to be V difficult ... so he just decides to try and run to the comfort of home. Whilst on his speedy journey home, Ric was shocked to encounter DrSuperFlynn ........ and Ric was even more surprised when the good doctor thought the Ric was a REALLY ill member of the dino ppl species .... Indeed, Ric couldn’t believe that DrSUperFLynn didn't even recognize him. The Doctor immediately send an urgent message to the dino ppl ........ what happens with 3 of the dino ppl's doctors arrive ?????

Wittchie Crone Cassie eagerly awaitsthe birth of the ofssprin and her and BIG Ric. The witch decides that she CAN"T wait for nature to run its course ... she used her magic to speed up the birth ,................ moments later, the spectacularly beautiful egg shell started to back open ....... Witch Crone Cassie can't believe what she sees when the creature fully emerges from the egg. The fully formed (adult) creature is very warily looking from side to side ........ and it's first, V scared words are "where's Dani ?????" ...... as Wittchie Crone Cassie wonders what she'll name her & Ric's offspring, a "baby" kangaroo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, Posh Josh is thinking up new ways to get revenge of everyone is the Bay ...... when part of the shell of Witchie Crone Cassie's just hatched offspring is carried into the air by a light breeze. The tiny piece of egg shell collides with Posh Josh's chest ....... killing his feeble body INSTANTLY !!!!!!!!!!!!

Kit is about to skull that bottle of vodka .... and end it all when her mum, Bordello Beth, approaches. Kit tells Beth that she had done a TERRIBLE thing .... i.e., kissed the very A-Vale-able Amanda. Kit gets the ABSOLUTE shock of her life when Bordello Beth suggests that she should GET MARRIED to Amanda !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When kit wonders why her mum is saying such things, Bordello Beth says. "Well, Amanda’s slept with every other member of our family [Henry, graham, tilly, silly scott], she might as wel have the whole set, don't you think. Come on, I’ll help you choose an engagement ring for her !!!!!!!!!!" Kit wonders what's come over her mum ...... is Bordello Beth REAALY keen on the weeding of Kit and Amanda ?????????????????

The giant gorilla is making all manner of noise ...... the armed forces are keen to destroy the public menace ... but there are may environmentalists protesting against this. The giant KING gorilla is making sooooooo much noise that it even attracts that attention of Hayley .... who is "slightly†stunned by the appearance of Planknocchio. Hayley is annoyed that the giant gorilla is annoying her precious thinking time ...... so she charges the lighthouse .......... and goes into the structure's TOP SECERT room .......... she hits to BIG red button which says "START" ....... she quickly exits the lighthouse ... and seconds later, the "lighthouse" (which double as a alien space ship) is launched into the coldness of SPACE (with the giant gorilla still clinging to it) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The pp of the Bay want to congratulate Hayley for her heroic deed, but she already charging by to her house. When she arrives, Hayley is shocked once more, as Planknocchio is now a REAL child. Hayley thinks that the child is a gift from the gods, for saving the Bay form the giant gorilla, BUT what Hayley doesn't know is that the child is VERY VERY evil ....... and has been deliberately placed into her care by the fans of the late film director Peter Jackson (as they want revenge for the gorilla/spaceship incident) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Will Hayley, or anyone else in the Bay, uncover the child's true nature ??????????

Witchie Crone Cassie returns to her lair, and she constantly assures her kangaroo offspring that Dani is nowhere near them. Cassie is surprised to find Robbie & Leah in her lair. They explain their situation ....... and Robbie is pleased when Witchie crone Cassie lifts the spell on his legs ..... the witch adds that Robbie can't dance to save his life (so to speak). Leah however is mortified when Witchie crone cassie says she (Leah) is an excellent dancer and that she must keep doing so until she looses her title of the "Champion Of Champions" of Dancing With The Stars !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leah wonders to herself if there is anyway that she can stop dancing before the competition on several MONTHS time ???????????

Bordello Beth's singing breasts are the sensational of the world. but there are several ppl who are V jealous of Bordello Beth's melodious "lungs". Indeed, Luciano Pavarotti makes a special detour from his final world tour to confront the planet's latest singing star ....... and he's not the only one. The V busty Anna Nicole Smith and Pamela Anderson are also keen in silencing Bordello Beth and her V musical "assets" !!!!!!!!!!!!! The trio of international stars decide to join forces to destroying their new rival ........ will they suceed ???????????

As DrSuperFlynn looks at Irene’s x-rays he can't believe it when, before his very eyes, he can see that the baby goats stem cells are causing Irene’s organs (and the rest of her) to revert to previous stages ............ indeed, soon after, Irene is SHOCKED when she looks in a full length mirror ........ Irene sees the face and body of her TEENAGED self !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Irene & Dr SuperFlynn instantly start up a new partnership to sell this new age reversing treatment to the world ...... but will there be any unwanted side affects ????????????

Gypsy & Tilly approached the 7-headed Dani demon. Gypsy suggests to Tilly that she (gypsy) will distract the Dani demon .... by reminiscing about their awesome relationship a few years ago (when Dani at least had the BODY of a human) .... whilst Tilly gets the vital ingredient for Witchie crone Cassie's fake tan. Gypsy & the Dani demon have been talking for while about their awesome past .....and Tilly is about the enter the cave when the orangeyspar mineral they need when things got a TAD more interesting .......... as the 7 headed Dani demon now has ANOTHER 7 heads ...... all of which are RHYS's !!!!!!!!!!!!! Will this destroy Tilly & Gypsy distraction plan ....... or could actually HELP the lesbian lovers ???????????

Osiejay Ashatay

[belgshep]

Here’s the next chapter … hope it makes you laugh!!

CHAPTER 20

Our hero Kane continues to have random “episodes†when he thinks he is Craig Palmer, a Pure Math student studying at university. At first Kane thinks he is schizophrenic, but then he begins to believe that the episodes are trying to warn him of some future event. Then Kane starts to have the “Craig†episodes only when he gets into a car and he senses that the “something bad†that is about to happen is connected to cars in some way. Do these episodes mean that Kane really does have schizophrenia or are they premonitions of an impending disaster (LOL – lots of those in Summer Bay!). Will Kane/Craig, with Saintly Scotty P’s help and prayers, be able to interpret the messages correctly and prevent the disastrous event that his visions are foretelling?

Flynn hears a commotion in the hospital corridor and instantly leaves the very sick patient he is dealing with to go poke his nose into someone else’s business! He comes out of the room to discover naked Nature Girl Tash standing with a bleeding and very badly wounded Dan. The other medical staff are all completely mesmerised by Nature Girl Tash’s naked body but Flynn grabs a nearby surgical gown and quickly wraps it around Tash, which breaks the spell and restores everyone to their normal highly professional attitude and they rush to help Dan. Unfortunately, after a quick examination (Flynn doesn’t bother with all those usual medical tests as he quickly scans Dan’s body with his X-ray vision), Flynn discovers that Dan is brain dead and nothing can be done for him. Flynn briefly considers the stem cell therapy he gave to Irene, but he’d like to try something new this time, so he consults the medical journals and learns of “nanites†or nanobots – which are robotic cells used in nanotechnology and that can restore and hugely enhance biological cell function. He steals some prototype nanites from a nearby research lab and implants them into Dan’s brain. Will Dan recover and will he be “better, stronger and faster†than he was before? And what will happen when his nanocharged body next turns into the werewolf creature? Will Tash and the others be able to cope with a nanocharged werewolf?

Mad Martha swims to the edge of the giant white mug that she and the others are trapped in, but the water is too far from the rim of the mug and she can’t get out. She can’t work out what’s happening and how she can possibly be trapped in a giant K-mart mug!!!!! Martha thinks it MUST be oxygen deprivation, so she takes some long, deep breaths and tries hard to concentrate on making the “mug†disappear – it doesn’t!!!!! Then Mad Martha looks over at Silly Scott H, who is actually floating on a giant biscuit crumb along with Colleen and Gus. Colleen is still screaming wildly and Gus, now sick to death of the screaming, is trying to throttle her. Martha studies Silly Scott’s face and sees that he appears to be deep in thought. Suddenly, a huge “hand†appears from nowhere and the giant “mug†is abruptly raised into the air causing the water to swish around violently with giant waves. Mad Martha at once realises what has happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because Silly Scott and Mad Martha swapped flannelette shirts and other clothing a while back, their brains have become linked and they have performed the Vulcan “mind meld†(from Star Trek!!). So Mad Martha is seeing EXACTLY what Silly Scott is thinking about in his ridiculous head!! After the Blaxland sank, Silly Scott’s fuddled brain actually thinks they’re inside his K-mart mug, so that’s what Mad Martha sees too. Now that she has this sussed, can Mad Martha control Silly Scott’s mind so that they can all be released from the mug? And will Mad Martha’s mind meld with Silly Scott H have lasting consequences for them both?

After Shelley reverts to her normal Shelley look (i.e. she no longer looks like Rhys), she glances across at alien baby Pippa and notices a small bulging vein on Pippa’s forehead. Babies often have visible veins so she doesn’t think too much of it and starts to take Pippa home (of course, alien baby Pippa can easily find her own way home but the locals would talk if she was seen walking along the road unaccompanied!!). On the way home, baby Pippa starts to turn slightly purple and Shelley gets a little concerned. By the time they reach the caravan park, baby Pippa looks just like a small and very ugly “Rhysâ€. Shelley realises that the “Rhys look†has passed to alien Pippa because of Pippa’s alien genes and her ability to take on the form of the natives of the planet. Shelley hastily drops baby Pippa into her playpen, shouts “Bye†to Sally and then beats a hasty retreat before Sal and Flynn notice. Baby Pippa checks her alien devices and is mortified to discover that now she herself looks like Rhys. She hastily uses some of her other special alien gadgets to modify her genes and change her back to her “baby selfâ€. Unfortunately, she gets it a little wrong and her hair becomes a lighter colour and more curly and her eyes change colour. Will Sally and Flynn notice the change in their daughter? Baby Pippa is also furious that Shelley didn’t mention the fact that she’d changed into a baby Rhys look-alike and vows to punish Shelley. What will she do to Shelley?

Meanwhile, Rhys has gone home and thinks all is well as there is now only one Rhys again (remember, he doesn’t know what happened, temporarily, to baby Pippa!). Rhys glances in the mirror to admire his handsome reflection and is shocked to see that his head now resembles … a football!!! What other strange events occurred while Shelley, Rhys and alien baby Pippa were at the Sydney Cricket Ground and will Rhys’s head stay like a football forever? If so, will people find him more attractive and will Shelley fall in love with football-head Rhys?

At Dr Super Flynn’s request, three female dino people medics, Drs Charlottena, Freestera and Rachelena (!) arrive in the Bay and begin to examine Ric. Ric tries to run away but Dr Super Flynn insists that he allow the dino docs to take a look at him as they are “his people†and will be able to help him with any medical problems. The dino docs discover Ric’s secret (i.e. that he is just v. large Ric and not a dino person at all) and urge him to tell them what happened. Ric spills all to the dino docs who are very understanding and give him a special tea brewed from very powerful dino herbs that they carry in their medical packs. A few hours later Ric is very relieved to find that he appears to be completely back to normal and is once again “regular†Ric!!!! Ric is very pleased and thanks the dino people docs. Charlottena and Freestera return to the forest, but Rachelena wants to stay and Flynn readily offers her a job at the hospital, which she happily accepts. Has Rachelena secretly fallen in love with someone in the Bay, and who is it?

On the way home, a happy Ric pops into the diner and there he meets Sue, who is on holiday from England and touring the Bay. Sue and Ric get chatting but someone is watching the two chat and is not happy. Who is watching and what happens next?

Witchie crone Cassie decides to call her baby kangeroo Skippy. She thinks that sounds like a good name for a roo, though it’s not very original!!!! Skippy is not pleased as he wants to be called Jacques (after Jacques Villeneuve) because he wants to be a famous F1 driver and there was also a film-star kangeroo called Jack. Skippy thinks that if he can drive an F1 car he’ll be sure to be able to mow down Dani when he sees her on the road and thereby gain revenge for roos all over Australia. Little Skippy receives a toy race car for a Christening present and starts to learn to drive it. Later on, Skippy is practising handbrake turns in the yard in his toy car when Posh Josh walks past. Skippy is momentarily distracted and bumps into Josh, killing him instantly from massive internal injuries (note: no-one bothers to call an ambulance as it’s only Posh Josh and no-one cares). Skippy is secretly rather pleased that he has killed Josh as practice for when he can run over Dani! Will Skippy get his wish to be able to run over Dani?

Kit agrees to Bordello Beth’s suggestion of marrying Amanda and goes to buy her an engagement ring. She is feeling much happier about liking Amanda now and she returns to the A-vale-able studio to give Amanda the beautiful diamond and ruby ring that she has chosen. However, when Kit arrives she is horrified to see that her Mum, Bordello Beth, is now snogging Amanda!!!!! Is Beth really trying to ensure that Amanda “completes the set of Hunters†or does she have an ulterior motive? And will Kit recover from this latest shock or will she now hit the bottle big time?

For the sake of the conservationists, Hayley had programmed the lighthouse/space ship to land on a gorilla paradise planet. The planet is a beautiful, green and mountainous place, perfect for gorillas, and the giant gorilla instantly falls in love with a beautiful female gorilla and hops off the lighthouse. Because the lighthouse would be missed by the people of Summer Bay, the flight programme takes it back to Earth and it lands safely at its former location as if nothing had happened. However, something has stowed away on the spaceship lighthouse when it landed on the gorilla planet and it’s now on Earth and loose in Summer Bay. What is it?

Hayley notices while they are out walking that Planknocchio has a strange effect on dogs as they are uneasy about him and growl menacingly in his presence. She also notices that every day the milk has curdled when she gets it out of the fridge and there have been lots of dead birds in the garden recently. Hayley begins to have suspicions that Planknocchio is somehow involved in these strange happenings. She tells Planknocchio that he is going to have his photo taken and secretly arranges for her friend Phoebe to take a special “Kirlian†photo of him that will show his aura. When they examine the photo later, they are shocked to see that Planknocchio’s aura is totally black!!! Hayley decides she must take action before her son gets out of control so she asks Phoebe to call her sisters Piper and Paige over from San Francisco as they have experience at dealing with demons from Australia!!! Will Hayley and the “Charmed†ones be able to control the evil Planknocchio?

Leah decides that she’ll have to become a very bad dancer very quickly so that witchy crone Cassie will make her legs stop dancing too. She asks Robbie to partner her so that she can watch his great dance moves and learn from him. Robbie is SO proud that someone thinks he’s a good dancer that he agrees. After studying Robbie’s dancing carefully for a couple of hours, Leah returns to witchy crone Cassie’s cave and displays her now quite poor dancing skills. Cassie is rather shocked to see how bad Leah has become but she says “Congratulations, you’re through to next week!!†“Dammit!!†shrieks Leah. “Now, I’ll have to find someone really cr*p to teach me how NOT to danceâ€. “OK†said witchy crone Cassie, “See you next week thenâ€. Leah then waltzes back to the diner complaining loudly about how much trouble that bl**dy idiot Trigger-happy Jack caused with his magic bullets and she vows to have a good long moan at him next time he eats in the diner. Will the diner customers be able to put up with her moaning in the meantime and will Leah find someone to teach her how NOT to dance?

Luciano Pavarotti, Anna Nicole Smith and Pamela Anderson decide to superglue up the punctures in Bordello Beth’s breasts to stifle the voices and ruin her singing career. They creep up on Bordello Beth while she is sleeping but Beth’s breasts sing out an alarm and Beth wakes up. She stares at three figures in front of her and tries to think of something to stop them glueing up her breasts! Beth’s siren-like breasts then start to sing and Luciana, Anna Nicole and Pamela are instantly enchanted by the siren’s song and fall in love with Beth. What happens when Amanda finds out and will there be a HUGE fight between the three blondes and Luciano for who will win the hand of the not-so-fair maiden Beth?

Flynn and Irene begin selling the age-reversing stem cell treatment and their first customers are Alf Stewart and Madge Wilkins. They both go away very happy as they now look like their teenage selves. However, the next day when Irene wakes up she discovers that she NOW looks like a 10-year old!!! Irene LOVED looking like a teenager again but she doesn’t want to be a 10-year old, or even younger than that. Can the age-reversal process be stopped at the desired stage or will Irene and the others eventually end up as teeny weeny little babies?

When the seven-headed Dani demon grows the additional seven Rhys heads, Tilly and Gypsy hack wildly at the heads with their special swords but each time they sever a head a new one appears, just like in the myth. As they begin to despair, the Rhys heads start telling the Dani heads what to do and the Dani heads start whining. While the heads are all engaged in a HUGE argument, Tilly and Gypsy sneak past and grab the orangeyspar mineral and run out of the cave. Triumphant, they return home to present the orangeyspar to witchy crone Cassie. Witchy crone Cassie is very pleased and pops the orangeyspar into her cauldron, but she still needs the other three minerals to complete the recipe for the fake tan lotion. Where do Tilly and Gypsy go to obtain the next mineral, copperina, and what dangers will they encounter on their quest?

… And, finally, back in the Bay, a mysterious car pulls into an unlit car park and a dark shadowy, but somehow familiar, figure gets out. Who is it and what are they doing in the Bay?