Twisted Tales - Reborn

[JosieTash]

CHAPTER 21

Saintly Scotty P is gee ting increasingly worried about how often that Heroic Kane is acting like Craig ....... so he decided that only way that this can be avoided is if he stages an exorcism ... to rid Craig' spirit from Heroic Kane. Saintly Scotty P decided to perform the procedure himself ... as thankfully, the Craig episodes have only happened so far when either Heroic Kane has been alone, or when he has been in the company of only his loving brother. Heroic Kane isn't sure about the exorcism ..... esp. because of the premonitions about the car incident ...... but Saintly Scotty P convinces him that the exorcism is the way to go. At midnight, the Saintly one begins the ceremony to rid Heroic Kane of the spirit inside him ...... and Kane is V pleased that, even weeks later, there's been no more incidents in himself being taken over by Craig .... or any premonitions.

However, three weeks after the exorcism, when Heroic Kane is walking past the sacred ground where his Saintly brother performed the exorcism, he glances someone who looks like him. Heroic Kane has a flashback of the exorcism ....... yes, Craig Palmer's spirit was expelled from Heroic Kane's body ....... BUT, such is the Godly power of Saintly Scotty P, that the SPIRIT of Craig is now FLESH & BLOOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heroic Kane AND Craig Palmer also BOTH have a premonition about something bad happening that has to do with a car. The duo piece things together ..... and Heroic Kane is shocked when he realised that he's been have premonitions are about Cassie's kangaroo offspring (aboard its Formula 1 car) trying to KILL the Dani Demon !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heroic Kane insists that he MUST go to South America ... with his awesome wife Kirsty ..... to warm the Dani Demon of what's going to happen ...... but before he does, Heroic Kane is quite surprised when Craig Palmer says he want to stay in Summer Bay (rather then return to his not-that-far-away home of South Heads). Heroic Kane then discovers the reason WHY Craig wants to stay ....... when Craig & Kirsty's twin sister Laura announce that they've been seeing each other (in secret) ever since 3 days after Saintly Scotty P performed the exorcism !!!!!!!!

Heroic Kane & his wife Kirstyaren't keen on the world knowing the Heroic Kane is not in summer bay to protect it (whilst they are in south America), so KK ask Craig & Laura to pretend to be KK !!!!! Craig & Laura gladly agree to the plan ...... and KK only tell their closest allies (Nature Girl Tash, Saintly Scotty P) about the switch .... will the ppl of the Bay, and ALL things EVIL, discover the swap ???

Dr SuperFlynn is sooooooooooooooo concerned about fixing Dan with the nanites that he doesn't even listen when Nature Girl Tash tries to Tell him about Dan's werewolf side. Dan is V pleased that the do-gooding doctor has fixed him ... as although Dan is, by day, a mild mannered man, he knows that he CAN be this way, because of his nightly transformation into a now even more POWERFUL werewolf.

Nature Girl Tash uses her powers to inform a Perigren Falcon in the UK to inform her spouses Jade & Mark to make a V quick beeline from home. Jade & Mark instantly load the highly modified Aston Martin DB9 they've just purchased onto a plane ........ and Jade & Mark board the same plane for the supersonic flight back to Australia. Brainy Jade has arranged for engineerts to equip with awesome Aston Martin with gadgets that she & Mark can use to help Nature Girl Tash (and the likes of Heroic Kane) battle the ever so present forces of evil in the Bay.

Brainy Jade, Mark (aboard the DB9), Nature Girl Tash, "Heroic Kane" & Saintly Scotty P wait until Dan has changed into his now even more powerful Werewolf from before they launched their combined attack ... after all, if they capture mild man nerd Dan during the day no-one would believe their story ... even though the like of Hero is Kane etc are waaaaaaaaaaaaaay loved Bayside. The tension mounts until, finally, dusk falls, and Dan changes into a werewolf .................

Mad Martha is at a loss about how she can break the mind mind that she & Silly Scott have between them. Mad Martha decides to take some deep soothing breaths .... so she is totally at one with the universe ..... which was proving a difficult task with colleen screaming at the tops of her lungs. Finally, Mad Martha is soooooooo at peace that she discovers that, centuries ago, when everyone of Earth was on a knife edge with a COMET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heading straight for the Earth, a male JEDI arrived on Earth and diverted that comet from hitting the Earth. The Jedi also decides to "plant his seed" so that there would be some Force powerful ppl on Earth. Mad Maratha realises that she is a descendant of THAT Jedi.

Mad Martha uses the Force to break the break the Vulvan Mind meld between herself and Silly Scott ......... Mad Martha's plan works ........ but, with reality restored, Mad Martha find herself, Silly Scott, Colleen & Gus back in the ocean with the Blaxland, AND land, nowhere in sight ........... and, worse than that ........................

DrSuperFLynn was exhausted after hard days of saving the liefs of millions of ppl are the hospital, so much so that tries to ignore SuperSizedSally when he arrives home. SiperSizedSally insists that DrSuerFlynn will NEVER EVER be able to see her LARGE breasts again is he doesn't listen to her. DrSuoperFlynn, faced with this DIRE ultimatum, listens intently. Super Sized Sally tells DrSuoperFLynn about what Alien Baby Pippa was told her about Shlley. DrSuperFlynn races to the hospital, where, after saving several hundreds more lives withing the space of a few minutes, he grabs the goat steam cells.

When he returns home, SuperSizedSally is using her assets to keep Shelley (who SuoerSizedSally invited over for afternoon tea) captive. DrSuoerFlynn injects a obscene amount of the stem cells into Shelley ....... and, almost instantly, Shelley shrinks to the point where she is just a baby !!!!!!!!!!

Shelley however cries & cries & cries ......... what willl DrSuperFlynn, SuperSaizedSAly and Alien Baby Pippa do about baby Shelley ???

Rhys is REALLY worried about having this football head ..... esp. when media ppl from around Australia are interested in talking to any person whose played with the Sydney Swans AFL team (because of their Premiership win last year). Things get worse when rhys wakes up the next morning.... with a NETBALL for a head.

Rhys seems to have avoided all the media spotlight ,,,,,,,,,, but a young, determined media student from south heads university, Maddie McKinnon, and several of her friends, REALLY want the scoop on why the ex-Swan is being soooooooooo elusive. Maddie & close friend Elly discover that their freiend Sasha is a dead ringer for a girl who once claimed that Rhys was her father. Sasha gets "clued up" about Nature Girl Tash. The next day, she knocks on Rhys' door .................

Rachelena couldn't believe that the ancient prophecy (that she - a VERY distant descendant if the VERY 1-st member of the dino ppl species - would fall in love at 1-st sight with a human that she heals) has come true !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rachelena, when her 1-st shift at the hospital is over, tries to find her soul mate, RIC. she goes to the diner and sees that Ric and Sue have become quite friendly. Just then, a stray dog wanders into the outdoor eating area of the diner. A council worker is chasing the dog....... which instantly comes a stop at the feet of Sue (sensing that Sue is V friendly towards dogs, and animals). Sue sees the man from the council ... and also sees that the dog hasn't got a registration collar on. Sue knows that something bad could happen to the dog .... so we hen the council man asks her about the pooch, Sue says that the dog is hers .... and that the dog was spooked and ran away from her as she was taking it to get registered etc.

AS the council man walks way, Ric looks longingly at Sue ......he likes her even more now ...... and Rachelena is also pleased ... as she might be able to use Sue's love of animals to prize Ric away from the British girl .........

Witchie Crone Casie is VERY angry with her offspring wanting to change its name /...... but Skippy insists that, unless the witch allows the name change, the kangaroo will inform the Witches Council about Witchie Crone Cassie's misuse of her powers. Cassie agrees to the name changes, but she is against Jacques going to South America to try and destroy the Dani Demon (after all, the witchie crone doesn't want her offspring to be hurt). Jacques once more insists on going to the witches council ...... and Witchie Crone Crone is forced to yield the her offspring's demands. Jacques (and his modified, Demon killing F1 car) set off for south America .......

Bordello Beth sees Kit about the grab a bottle of vodka ..... Beth rushes over to her daughter ...... and says that she only kissed A-vale-able Amanda because Bordello Beth is on a quest ...... not intent with just breaking music sales records all of the world (with THOSE breasts), Bordello Beth wants to get her family in the Guinness Book Of Records. When Kit wonders wheat that has to do with her mum PASHING A-Vale-able Amanda, Bordello Beth says that she wants her WHOLE family (herself, Kit, Tilly, Silly Scott, Graham, Robbie) to MARRY A-Vale-able in one BIG wedding ceremony. Kit is way sceptical, and whet she doesn't know if Bordello Beth had been approached by some TV producers, If the wedding takes place, Borbello Beth and her family win a TRILLION, MILLION dollars ....... bu Bordello Beth can't tell anyone about the money ...........

Speaking of all things Hunter, a travelling salesman arrives in the bay. he's heard how LOUD that Robbie talks ...... and the the locals are having hearing problems. The salesman goes to the diner when he sees Ric & Sue ....... and Ric tells his new friend about Robbie ...... so she eagerly buy some of the hearing problem that the salesman has on offer. soon after, Ric, Sue and EVERYONE in a 4 mile radius can hear that Robbie is approaching the diner. Sue rips opens that packet that has that HEAVY DUTY earplugs .... she sees a nearby rubbish bin and throws that packaging towards it ..... but Posh Josh walks by the bin at that precise moment ..... the tiny packaging of the earplugs smashes into Posh Josh's leg ........ killing him instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

On the giant gorilla planet, a female of a (for this alien world) small carnivorous animal, urges its 1 week offspring to get aboard the alien ship/lighthouse before it takes off again. the baby animal doesn't want to leave its mum, but the mother creature insists that, if her offspring stays, it has a 95% chance of being eaten his the giant gorillas which are on the top of the food chain of this world). The young creature reluctantly gets aboard the space ship. both mother & child creature cry when the space ship takes off (soooooooooooooooooooooo SAD)

When space ship/light house arrive back on Earth, the "little" carnivour discovers that it, compared to life of its new home, is rather large. the alien carnivour quickly develops a taste for the local wildlife ............ and then it sees, by the water, what appears to be (to it) a waaaaaaaaay less hairy, waaaaaaaaaay less giant gorilla ............ the carnivore sets its sights of (the fishing) Morag !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Charmed ones are REALLY worried that little Planknocchio already has some V familiar physical features ......... those of a young COLE !!!!!!!!!! matters are worse, when Planknocchio ........ Hayley then give the Charmed ones some further alarm when she says that Cole,. looks wise, is the spitting image of a former resident of the Bay, Ben Lucini !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will Hayley and The Charmed Ones be able to stop Cole !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! before he reeks havoc on the bay disguises as Carly's husband ???

Everyone is stressing because Leah is totally going of the deep end with her whining ........ until Kit (with weddings on her mind) reminds everyone that Leah is only EVER content when watching the video tape of her marriages. Leah sits down and joyously watched her wedding to Vinnie ...... incl, the reception aft rewards. Leah remmberners that Vinnie is the WORST DANCER the universe has EVER ssen.

She approaches Trigger Happy Jack ....... sjhe tells his that he MUST help her end this danicng, so they both approach Peter. Leah tells Peter that unless he takes her to where ever Vinnie is (in witness protection) then Trigger Happy Jack will use one of his magic bullets. Peter is apprehensive ..... but he is even more worried when trigger happy jack point his gun towards Petrs' groin ..... after all, peter DOESN'T want to be famous for having a singing appendage !!!!!!!!!!

Peter leads Trigger happy jack and Leah to Vinnie, and whilst peter & trigger happy jack defeat all the bad guys that know where Vinnie is now, Vinnie teaches Leah how to dance as BADLY as he does.

Leah then returns to the bay ..... and dances for witchie crone Cassie ........ what will the verdict be ?????

Bordello Beth has no time for the 2 busty blonde's and the opera singer who are after her. Bordello Beth decides to try something .... her melodic breasts sing a new tune ......... one which convinces Pavarotti and the 2 blond bombshells to go to Africa for the next 10 years .... to aid their starving millions there.

Bordello Beth's breasts don't like taking "orders" form her though ....... can Bordello Beth find a compromise with her "assets" ???

Hyde is most annoyed that Irene was done such a preposterous thing. He takes her home ,... and insists that she's been sooooooo bad that she will can only have vegetable for dinner. Being a 10 year old, Irene HATES this idea, but she isn't keen on starving s0 she eats them. The next morning, Irene IS rather surprised ... as she hasn't gotten any younger (ie she's still 10 years old). Irene decides to eat some more vegetables for breakst ... and lunch... and dinner ..... and the next day, she is a teenager again.

Irene is overjoyed ...... but Hyde isn't, he rather enjoyed having Irene as a little kid ... telling her what to do etc ........ will Hyde sabotaged Irene';s diet by adding some meat (which will restart the age reversal process) ??????

Because Tilly has flown back to Oz, for the Hunter/Amanda wedding, Gypsy calls upon her close friends (and former baydise residents) Shannon Reed & Mandy Thomas to help her find the next mineral for the fake tan. Shannon & Mandy, being novelists (and therefore, always keen for new experiences) agree to join Gypsy on her quest, The trio arrive in Scotland when they must enter lair on the Lochness Monster, which in the only place on Earth that you could find the copperina minerals that they need. Will Gypsy, Shannon & Mandy be successful ????

The mysterious person emerges form their car ..... although even this form of transport is a ruse ........ as the person in question is ANGIE !!!!!!!!!!

She's in the bay on behalf of the Witches Council .......Angie is Bay side to deal with the rogue witch Cassie ... who has used her magical powers in a way that are against the mandates of the Wishes Council .............

Angie approaches the lair of Witchie Crone Cassie ..............................

Osiejay Ashatay

[belgshep]

CHAPTER 22

Since Heroic Kane and his awesome wife Kirsty have been in South America, word has somehow got out that “Kane” isn’t quite himself and the criminal elements in Summer Bay have come out in force and there are large numbers of thefts and other serious crimes. Craig, posing as Kane, with the help of Laura as Kirsty, does his best but, good hearted though he is, he just isn’t in the same league as Heroic Kane at fighting crime. He tries to apply some mathematical theories to the crime wave (like in the TV show “Numbers”) and had some good successes, but sadly he can’t cope with the huge number of crimes that are taking place. Will Heroic Kane (the real one) and Kirsty return in time to salvage Kane’s awesome crime-fighting reputation?

Once Mark and Jade are back in the Bay they set about planning to capture the nanocharged werewolf, Dan Baker. Dan, however, is now so nanocharged that he is super strong, can run very fast, and can hear the tiniest sound from several miles away. He overhears Mark and Jade talking to Nature Girl Tash and Saintly Scotty P and knows they are planning to trap him. At dusk, Dan once more undergoes the transformation into werewolf and he becomes the hairy, yellow-eyed beast, his jaws dripping with saliva, so feared by Summer Bay folk. Werewolf Dan completely wrecks the Diner and the Surf Club and rages out into the Surf Club car park, where he encounters Jade and Mark in their specially equipped 007-like DB9 Aston Martin. They deploy various weapons from the specially equipped car at werewolf Dan but none of them have any effect on him because of the nanites in his bloodstream. Mark and Jade bravely confront Dan but, instead of attacking them, Dan slinks away into the darkness without hurting anyone. Have the nanites in Dan’s brain also enhanced the “Dan” part of his brain, meaning that he is now incapable of harming the good folk of Summer Bay ever again, and how will he survive if he can no longer eat people?

Mad Martha (now aware that she is a Jedi) finds herself and the others drifting, lost at sea, on the Blaxland, and she calls upon the Force to take the Blaxland safely back to the wharf in the Bay. She clears her mind and concentrates really hard and the craft mysteriously begins to glide to shore, guided and propelled by the mystical Force. Even Colleen is totally gob-smacked by this event and she stands awestruck in total silence (much to everyone’s relief, particularly Gus, who has suffered two perforated eardrums since the pair left for China on the Blaxland). “Oh my goodness”, cries Colleen, “that Martha is one of those Jodi warriors!!!!!” (that’s not a typo, Colleen often gets words wrong, as you know!!!). However, because of the residual effects of the Vulcan mind meld, Simple Scotty Hunter now believes HIMSELF also to be a fearless and powerful Jedi warrior. What will Silly Scott do now that he thinks he’s a Jedi and can real Jedi Mad Martha save him (and the rest of the Bay) from himself????

Supersized Sally and Dr Super Flynn are driven completely insane by the constantly bawling of baby Shelley and they are desperate for some peace and quiet. They try various good parenting practices from the famous ‘‘Raising Children the Phillips Way'', but the starvation and whipping with bike chains techniques just don’t work on Shelley. In desperation, they decide to pass baby Shelley off as their daughter, alien baby Pippa, and give her (baby Shelley) to Madge Wilkins to babysit full time for the next couple of weeks. Their plan is that if they just “forget” to pick her up from Madge, they’ll probably be able pull off a 2-week break. Flynn and Sal tell Madge that she MUST ensure that baby “Pippa” is given her special medicine daily (i.e. more stem cells to stop her becoming a grown-up again) and Flynn shows Madge how to inject them. The fact that baby Shelley doesn’t look like alien baby Pippa isn’t a problem as no-one ever notices stuff like that, so everyone is happy, EXCEPT Madge Wilkins when she discovers that bawling baby Shelley NEVER stops crying, morning noon and ALL through the night. Will she be able to cope with two weeks of baby Shelley’s crying or will the awful noise mean that she forgets to give baby “Pippa” her medication??

Meanwhile, alien baby Pippa is getting desperate for some powerful alien drugs now that she no longer has contact with her alien family. She decides to try to make her own drugs and sets up a lab in the pantry. Sally briefly wonders what all the equipment is, but she just thinks it must be some of Flynn’s stuff, and Flynn doesn’t mind at all as he’s hoping that Pippa will let him have some drugs when they’re ready. When Pippa’s first batch of drugs is finished she flogs some of it to some local teenagers to see how good it is. Are alien baby Pippa’s drugs the “real thing” and what happens to the teenagers when they try them?

Maddie McKinnon, Elly Franklin and Tash-lookalike Sasha Forbes go to see Rhys to discuss his successful career with the Sydney Swans and they plan to persuade him talk by having Sasha claim to be Rhys’ daughter. Rhys still has a netball head and his attempts to deflate the situation have failed miserably!!!!!!!! To solve his problem, he arranged for a special “Rhys” head to be crafted and flown in from Madame Tussauds waxworks in London and he has spent hours touching up the bulging/pulsating veins and purple hue with special hydraulic devices and make up. When Sasha knocks on the door, Rhys is wearing his wax head and feels OK about asking the girls in for a chat and he knows he can easily dismiss Sasha’s claim to be his daughter so he’s unconcerned. However, Rhys soon realises that it’s much hotter in Summer Bay than it was in London and the wax of his new head starts to melt. At first no-one notices that Rhys’s face is melting and dripping as his appearance is such that everyone generally avoids looking at him unless thay have to!!! Eventually Elly (who, as a great journalist, is very focused) does sneak a glance at Rhys, and she notices what is happening and gasps in shock. How will Rhys explain his melting features and underlying netball head to the girls?

Dino doc Rachelena, in her quest to get Ric to fall in love with her, decides to try to separate Ric from his new friend Sue by luring the stray dog away with a tempting piece of steak. When the dog follows her, Rachelena takes it very far away and traps it in a pen in the forest. Ric insists on helping Sue to find the mutt and they follow the dog’s trail into the forest where they find the trapped dog, which then explains to Sue, using dog telepathy, what Rachelena did. Sue and Ric then hatch a plan to fool Rachelena. Ric hides out for a while and then Rachelena sees the object of her desire in the Surf Club, but what she doesn’t realise is that instead of Ric she is actually looking at teenage Alf (who also had the stem cell treatment). Because teenage Alf looks just like Ric (according to Celia), Rachelena is convinced she is in love with HIM (instead of Ric). Has the dino people prophecy taken a new twist and will Rachelena be fooled by teen Alf?

At first, Heroic Kane and Nature Girl Tash thought they needed to find roo Jacques in his Formula 1 car to stop him from hurting the Dani/Rhys demon, but then they realise that it’s actually Jacques that they need to save from the demon (after all, he’s a sweet little roo and witchy crone Cassie will be real mad if he’s hurt and she’ll probably do some serious damage to Summer Bay in revenge!!!). Gypsy and Tilly have already taken the orangeyspar from under the 14 heads of the Dani/Rhys demon so all 14 heads are pretty mad already. Jacques takes a run at the demon in his car and squashes one of its large feet, breaking several of its perfectly varnished and manicured nails. The seven Dani heads scream “MY nails, MY nails. Look what you’ve done to MEEEEEEE!!!!!!” and the seven Rhys heads are furious that Princess Dani is so upset. All 14 heads turn on Jacques and breathe fire over his little F1 car, melting the tyres and sticking it to the ground, with poor Jacques trapped inside. Will Heroic Kane (who is like a son to Rhys!!) and Nature Girl Tash be able to save little Jacques from the Dani/Rhys demon?

Bordello Beth persuades Kit that the Hunter clan really need to get A-vale-able Amanda to marry them all so that they can claim the prize money from the TV show. With Kit finally on board with the idea of the Hunters all marrying A-Vale-able Amanda, Kit and Beth both propose to Amanda, and she accepts, so then Beth and Kit move on to getting the next Hunter on side to marry her. Graham is already married to Amanda (though he’ll have to reaffirm his marriage vows in the big ceremony) so they decide next to get Silly Scott to agree. Silly Scott, however, is going to be a challenge as he has already had an unsuccessful relationship with Amanda and also he now thinks he’s a Jedi!!!! Will they be able to persuade Silly Scott to agree to marry Amanda?

Posh Josh West is strutting arrogantly along the road when he is spotted by a council worker who is collecting rubbish. Mayor West recently approved a council pay review that cut the salary of all council workers to 10 dollars a week. With the money he saved from the council workers’ wages, Josh then gave himself a huge generous raise to his mayoral salary and the poor council man is incandescent with rage about his pay, so when he sees Posh Josh he bundles a black bin bag over Josh’s head and tosses him into the back of the garbage collector van, where Josh is minced into tiny pieces. “Job done” says the now very happy council man with satisfaction.

The (now not-so-little) baby carnivore from the gorilla planet is fascinated by Morag but instead of wanting to eat her, the carnivore baby thinks that Morag would make a great replacement Mum as the carnivore is really sad and lonely because she had to leave her own mum behind on the gorilla planet. The baby carnivore does some research about Morag’s past and decides to pretend to be Morag’s long-lost illegitimate daughter and she calls herself George (Georgina). Will Morag really believe that she is the baby carnivore’s Mum?

Carly Lucini is alerted by her foster sis Sal that there is a child in the Bay who bears an uncanny resemblance to Carly’s husband Ben. Carly comes to the Bay to check out the kid and discovers that Planknocchio is the dead spit of one of her and Ben’s own children. Carly flies into a jealous rage and accuses Hayley of having an illicit affair with her hubby Ben because Hayley bears a passing resemblance to Carly when she was younger. Will Hayley be able to convince Carly that she didn’t have an affair with Ben? Meanwhile, Charmed One Paige has prepared a special binding spell to keep demon child Planknocchio under control and it seems to be working as he is behaving like a little angel and there haven’t been any of the usual strange happenings when he’s around. Has the binding spell worked or is Planknocchio just biding his time and fooling everyone?

Leah triumphantly puts on a totally awful dancing display for witchy crone Cassie, now that Vinnie has taught her how NOT to dance. However, the now deathly white Cassie is feeling really mean and bitchy as she still hasn’t got her fake tan and her kangaroo offspring is giving her a hard time. So, she tells Leah that she’s through to the next week of the dancing contest. Leah is furious as she knows she is now really, REALLY bad and she has very, VERY tired legs. She comforts herself with some very loud shrieking and then grabs a frying pan and wallops witchy crone Cassie over the head with it. Witchy crone Cassie comes round a few minutes later and Leah DEMANDS that she lifts the dancing spell. To her immense surprise and relief, witchy crone Cassie agrees instantly and the spell is lifted. Leah then realises that witchy crone Cassie has suffered amnesia and she now thinks that Leah is her bestest friend in the world and will do anything that Leah asks. Will Leah take advantage of witchy crone Cassie and what will Leah ask Cassie to do?

Having rid herself of Pavarotti, Anna Nicole and Pamela, Bordello Beth relaxes totally … but her all talking, all singing (but sadly, not all dancing!) breasts decide to get back at her. Bordello Beth is standing next to Morag in the Diner when Bordello Beth is heard to say “Oh, do hurry up, you silly old bat”. Morag doesn’t take kindly to be spoken to like that so she turns around and slaps Beth hard around the face. Later, Trigger-Happy Jack walks up to Bordello Beth at Noahs and Beth is heard to say “Hey Jack, your shooting must be cr*p when you go around killing innocent young girls!” Trigger-Happy Jack is furious and Beth’s boyfriend Tony is livid that Beth has turned on his son so they both give Bordello Beth a really good slapping. Beth knows that she’ll have to do something fast about her blabbing breasts or everyone in Summer Bay will be slapping her. What will Bordello Beth do?

Irene finds out what Hyde has been up to and she surreptitiously removes the meat that Barry is putting into her meals. She continues to eat loads of veggies to maintain her teen looks, BUT this has the unfortunate and highly embarrassing effect of making her fart … a LOT!!!!!! Hayley and Planknocchio find that the air at the beach house is so rank that they are forced to move to a caravan and Barry has taken to wearing a gas mask. Will Irene be able to control her flatulence problem and still be able to retain her teen looks?

In Scotland, Shannon Reed and Mandy Thomas are helping Gypsy to look for the Loch Ness monster. Nessie is actually quite a friendly chappie and would doubtless let the girls have the copperina they need, but he’s excruciatingly shy and he hides himself away all of the time and no-one ever sees him. The three girls sit at the side of the cold, misty loch looking for Nessie so they can follow him to his lair and find the copperina. But Loch Ness is really big (23 miles long) and after being in the north of Scotland for a few days in winter, the girls are fed up sitting by the loch with binoculars, in their macs and sou’westers, with icy rain sluicing off their frozen and red noses. They pop into a local pub for a warming drink and spot old Scot James McTavish, a retired shepherd, who’s tucked up in the corner of the snug, by the blazing stove, smoking his pipe in a dense cloud of smoke and supping his Scotch. Shannon and Mandy strike up a conversation with the local old boy, hoping for info on Nessie, and James says (with a little twinkle in his blue eyes), “Aye, lassies, ye’ll nay fiend auld Nessie unless ye find the wild beastie called the haggis. A wee canny beastie, he’ll tell ye where tay find Nessie”. Will the girls be able to find the curious and elusive haggis and will “he” be able to lead them to Nessie?

Angie goes to visit witchy crone Cassie but finds that the poor deluded witch has no idea who she is and is completely under Leah’s influence. Angie doesn’t think it’s fair to discipline Cassie now as she can’t even question her about her previous misuse of magic, so Angie reports back to the Witches Council and asks for advice on how to deal with witchy crone Cassie and Leah. While she waits to hear from the council she finds out that Mark is back in the Bay and she goes to his house and lays in wait. What is Angie after from Mark?

[JosieTash]

CHAPTER 23

Heroic Kane can sense what is happening in the bay. He knows that Craig is trying his V best, but Kane KNOWS that the evildoers of the world KNOW of the swap. Heroic Kane telepathically communicates with Craig. Heroic Kane suggests that Craig's maths etc skills are best served working on the Dani Demon problem. Craig agrees ...... and instantly, Heroic Kane is in the bay, and Craig is in South America, near the lair of the Dani Demon (but, intriguingly Kirsty stays in south America, and Laura in the bay).

Heroic Kane lures the evildoers to believe that it's still Craig in the bay. Indeed, Heroic Kane LETS himself be captured by the criminals that had invaded the bay. The leader of the vile evil doers enters the room ...and Heroic Kane is NOT so shocked to see that it's COLLEEN !!!!!!!

He is however pleased that she hasn't sensed that he is the REAL DEAL. Colleen gets her cronies to lower the tied up Heroic Kane over a tank of V hungry piranhas ...... but then Heroic Kane begins to swing form side to side on the rope ....he breaks free of the rope that is biding his hands & feet. Heroic Kane then attacks all the bad guys in thus abandoned warehouse.

However, Colleen still has "Kirsty" (i.e. Laura) in chains at her feet. Colleen tells Heroic Kane that "Kirsty" will die if he moved one step closer. Heroic Kane off course knows that its Laura there in chains but Colleen has a V sharp knife to "Kristy’s" throat. We all KNOW that Heroic Kane WILL be able to save "Kirsty", but how does he pull off this AMAZING feet ??????

Brainy Jade & Mark track the Dan werewolf with all the high tech devices in the Aston Martin DB9. They discover something V interesting. They know that the werewolf hasn't been attacking ppl, and eating them, for his sustenance lately, but now they’ve discovered why. Mark & Brainy Jade arrives at a warehouse half way between the Bay and the city. Brainy Jade & Mark see that the building they are in front of is in manufacturing plant for the Holden Motor Company. The lovers hear a lot of clanging inside the building, and when they enter, they see the Dan werewolf is battling with the machines of the assembling lines that make the cars. Mark almost can’t believe it but Brainy Jade thinks she knows why the Dan werewolf is attacking the machines. Brainy Jade says that she thinks that the nanites that DrSuperFlynn used to treat Dan are V hungry themselves and this is why the Dan werewolf is attacking what the nanites considers to be like mechanical monsters and therefore its enemy. Mark LOVES Holden cars so he WAAAAAAAAAY takes offence to the Dan werewolf trying to destroy the machines which manufacturer some of his fave cars. Mark is keen to charge at the Dan werewolf and attack with his bare hands. Brainy jade reminds Mark that he's not Heroic Kane ........ so Brainy Jade and Mark race back to the gadget laden Aston Martin and charge into the factory aboard the DB9. Werewolf Dan sees the Aston approaching ........ and he begins to charge towards Brainy Jade and Mark ………………..

Mad Martha decides to REALLY prove beyond doubt the she has The Force running through her veins. She conjures up a lightsaber out of nowhere, and unclips it for her belt. She ignites the saber and the likes of Gus & Silly Scott are in awe as they see the shimmering green blade of pure energy. Gus thought that Mad Martha would be a powerful ally ....... so he grabbed some rope from the deck of the Blaxland and lassoed Mad Martha ......... but she uses her lightsaber to easily free herself. Mads Martha then uses The Force to levitate Gus and lock him in the hold of the Blaxland …… until the police arrive.

Gus, of course, isn’t Mad Martha only concern. Silly Scott is saying that he TOO is a Jedi. Mad Martha uses Silly Scott’s IQ (or lack thereof) and tells Silly Scott that he is her padawan learner and that she is his Jedi Master. Silly Scott of course believes her. Mad Martha tells Silly Scott that has reached the point in his training where he must prove that he is a worthy Jedi. Mad Martha instructs Silly Scott that he must construct his own lightsaber. Mad Martha knew that Silly Scot was indeed stupid, but Silly Scott began the search for a crystal that is the heart of each lightsaber. As Silly Scott enters the old Thompson mine on the outskirts of town. Will Mad Martha regret her actions ?????

Baby Shelley is causing Madge Wilkins all manor of strife with her crying. So much so that Madge DIOESN"T give Shelley her medication one night. The next day, Madge is shocked that Shelley is an adult again. Shelley vows that she will tell the police about madge's part in DrSuperFLynn & SuperSizedSally's evil plan to keep her as a baby ... unless Madge agrees to tell DrSuperFLynn & SuperSizedSally that she accidentally over injected Shelley has the stem cells and that Shelley reverted to the point that she totally disappeared form existence. Madge eagerly agrees.

She then contacts DrSuperFLynn & SuperSizedSally and tells then the bad news. They are "shocked " (read relieved) about what's happened. DrSuperFLynn and SuperSizedSally go to Madges's house ....... and they see some traces of a mucuc-sy like substances where baby Shelley was sleeping in her cot. DrSuperFLynn persuades a younger doctor colleague to "perform" the autopsy on the baby ..... which DrSuperFLynn said died of natural causes.

All the town came to the funeral of child that they all assumed was little baby pippa, and DrSuperFLynn & SuperSizedSally cried (appropriately) when they saw the little white coffin that "their" baby was in ..... as did everyone else in the bay.

That night, DrSuperFLynn & SuperSizedSally were quite intrigued when weird stuff started happening at their house. They suspected that it was the ghost of baby Shelley ...... will they discover that Shelly is not only alive ...... but an adult ................. and is the one doing the "haunting" ????

The ghost of baby Shelley wasn't DrSuperFLynn & SuperSizedSally's only concern. They had to keep the alien baby pippa out of sight from everyone. Alien baby pippa insists that she couldn't let this happen ..................... SuperSizedSally was partic intrigued when the alien posing as her offspring told them why.

Alien baby pippa explained that the alien drugs that she's created have had V unexpected side effects on the ppl who consume them. SuperSizedSally is astonished when alien baby pippa says that the drugs are the reason why many of the male students at SBH are now arriving at school in expensive cars, and the girls are getting about town in designer label, one of a kind dresses. Alien baby pippa explains that the drugs allow the males to transform into ANY car that they desire. SuperSizedSally realises this is why she's seen lots of high performance Holden & Ford cars, as well as exotic vehicles from the likes Ferrari & Lamborghini ..... AND alien baby pippa explains that the drugs allow the girls to merely THINK of an outfit that they want to wear and, seconds later, they are WEARING that outfit.

Alien baby pippa further shocks DrSuperFlynn & SuperSizedSally that the ppl who she's given that drugs to have begun worshipping her. The little alien says that, out in the woods late every Wednesday night, she meets with her followers ..... and that they refer to her as MUMMA PIPPA.

Alien Baby Pippa insists that she LOVES all the attention, and the kids worshipping her, so she can't just disappear. The little alien posing as baby pippa insists that she WILL keep about of sight of everyone except for her cult members IF DrSuperFLynn & SuperSizedSally agree to a couple of conditions. Alien baby pippa says that she will agree to keep out of sight if SuperSizedSally allows her to "live" in her cleavage, AND, on a similar note, speak to her followers whilst her torso & legs are enveloped in SuperSizedSally's MAMOTH breasts (using them, as it were, as a pulpit). How will DrSuperFLynn & partic SuperSizedSally respond ?????

Elly decides to go on the offensive and flat out asks Rhys about what's happened to him. Rhys, now that he is loathed by the ppl in the Bay, tells Maddie, Elly and Sasha EVERYTHING about the weird goings on in the bay ... the witches, the magic, the dino ppl, everything.

Maddie & Elly now aren't worried about Rhys as they have bigger journalistic fish to fry with the WHOLE town of summer Bay. Will the 2 eager, inquisitive would be journalists expose the goings in the bay to the rest of the world ????.

Sasha, however, uses the knowledge of the wierdities of the bay for her own gains. Sasha also travels to the Bay, but when she approaches witchie crone cassie, she doesn;'t want to expose her. Sasha wants the Witchie crone's help was destroy Freya, the evil gold digger who was tricked Sasha's brother Heath into marrying her. How will Witchie Crone Cassie respond to the outsider's request ???

Rachelena rushes up to the teenage looking Alf and (thinking that it's Ric) PASHES him. He certainly likes the attention of the dino ppl doctor, so Alf continues to pretend that he's Ric whenever Rachelena & Alf encounter each other. Rachelena is, off course, none the wiser so she's obliviously kissing 2 guys (Ric and the teenage Alf).

However, the elder members of the dino ppl, in their secret forest location somewhere in the world, REALLY take offence to Rachelena's behavior ..... and that fact that Rachelena's soul mate (Ric) has feelings for another (the animal loving Sue).

The dino ppl elders use their mystical powers to bring Rachelena, Ric & Sue to the secret forest. Rachelena and the others are shocked when the dino ppl elders announce that SUE !!!! must perform a dangerous task ..... if the British girl doesn't, Ric & Rachelena will be KILLED. Will Sue agree to perform the task, AND what is it the she has to do if she agrees ????

Over in South America, whilst Nature Girl Tash is using her skills o try to deswtroy the Dani Demon, Craig is trying to work out a mathematical solution to the problem if the 14 headed Dani/Ryhs Demon. Whilst thinking, he also suggests to "Laura" (Kirsty) that perhaps his sister Grace, a counselor, might help. "Laura" says that a counselor is a GREAT idea, so Grace and her boyfriend take the next flight form Australia to South America. When Grace arrives at the lair of the Dani Demon, "Laura" suggests that counseling isn't the answered, now that she's seen Grace’s boyfriend, a police man Called Luke Palermo. "Laura" insists that Luke looks exactly like one of Dani's (before she turned into a demon) boyfriend. "Laura" gives Luke a quick recap of Dani's relationship with Stafford McRae. Will Luke be able to fool to Dani Demon into thinking that he is Stafford ????????

Bordello Beth is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo surprised that Silly Scott is now soooooooooooooo into his Jedi training that he forgives A-Vale-able Amanda for everything that she has done in the past. Things are also helped when A-Vale-able Amanda comments that, when he constructs it, Silly Scott is bound to have a BIG lightaber, and she strokes Silly Scott's groin as she does so.

It’s late at night on the day before the BIG Hunter/A-Vale-able Amanda wedding when Bordello Beth awakes form her sleep. She only JUST remembered that she's forgotten a Hunter family member, HENRY !!!!!!!! The Hunter family eagerly starts searching the globe for the constantly forgotten member of their family (although Bordello Beth & Co are waaaaaaaaaaaaay skeptical of Silly Scott’s' ability to use The Force to their advantage at present.

The producers of the reality TV show can't believe that Bordello Beth actually remembered Henry ....... but will Tilly &Co. be able to find Henry the chance to set a new world record (and unknowingly, gain ALL that money) ends at sundown the next day ?????

Morag is a tad intrigued when Georgina (the carnivore) approaches and tells Morag its sob story. Morag has been missing some good companionship of late and decides to accept that "girl" as her child. They spend a lot of mother/daughter time together, esp. Morag teaching George how to act/behave like a human. Of course, because they live in summer bay, no one bats an eyelid AT ALL when Morag announces the carnivore is her lost daughter called George.

Days later, Morag & George are in the diner having lunch when Posh Josh enters the eatery. Everyone takes offence to josh being in the diner, but George goes one step furthers. She ATTACKS the posh git and KILLLS him.

Everyone in the diner applauds young George for killing Josh, but has this made George have a REAL taste for human blood ???

Carly goes to the police station and demands that Hayley should be charged with having a baby fathered by carly's husband, Ben. Carly suspects that the police can't REALLY do anything about the situation, so she is REALLY surprised when Peter hauls Hayley into the station and makes her take a lie detector test.

Hayley is somewhat shocked that this his happened, and she's even more concerned in the coming days that peter is under the mystical influence of Planknochio, as Peter has been asking many of the citizens of the Bay to also take a lie detector test. As person after person is hauled into the police station by Peter, the ppl of the bay start referring to the detective as Polygraph Pete !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hayley contacts the Charmed Ones .............. They arrive in the Bay .......... eager to stop Planknochio/Cole for doing even MORE evil ...........

Witchie Crone Cassie is sooooooooo into befriending the loud mouth Greek chef that she is extremely eager to please new best friend. Leah is initially reluctant to the Witchie Crone conveying her undying allegiance to Leah, but then she remembers ALL that dancing so Leah changes her mind. Leah asks Witchie Crone Cassie to create a CLONE of Leah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so she can be both be hear in the bay (annoying everyone) AND with the love of her life, Vinnie in witness protection. The Witchie Crone instantly grants Leah's wish .... and seconds later, Leah LOVESS seeing (in the witches' cauldron) the clone of herself with Vinnie !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What Witchie Crone Cassie wasn't aware of/didn't care about is that the high pitch whine of now TWO Leah's has created a massive imbalance in the universe, so now, whenever the real Leah AND her clone speak at the same time, there’s an earthquake BOTH in the Bay and where the clone of Leah is. Will Witchie Crone Cassie work out what's happening before the Bay, and wherever clone Leah is, are destroyed by earthquakes ???????????

Bordello Beth decides that she must PERMANENTLY end the career of her singing "assets". She initially thinks about approaching Trigger Happy Jack to end the problem (because he caused it) but bordello Beth then thought that she didn't want other parts of her parts starting to sing also, so she decides to try to convince a doctor (any doctor) in Australia to perform surgery to TOTALLY remove her BOTH her breasts. Every time hat Bordello Beth approaches a doctor, her "assets" would sing a melodic, hypnotic tune, and the doctor in question what refuse Bordello Beth’s request ..... even after she offered the various surgeons (even several female) the BEST sex that they've EVER EVER had.

Bordello Beth decides that if a professional won’t perform the task, then she'll have to perform a little home surgery on herself. Bordello Beth grabs a bottle of alcohol and her electric kitchen carving knife and gets to work on the gruesome task of cutting of her own breasts. Thankfully, Bordello Beth is immune for her "assets" seductive singing !!!!

Bordello Beth is TOTALLY "spent" when she finishes the task. She looks at her now flat chest where her breasts had been, and then down at the floor, where her now former chest puppies are just laying there. Bordello Beth lay on her bed, and even through it was the middle of the day, she fell asleep V quickly.

When Bordello Beth awoke she was quite surprised ..... as she has breasts again .... exactly the same size as before the home surgery, but her new "assets" didn't sing. Bordello Beth was further ASTONISHED when, before her very eyes, the breasts that she'd cut off (before she went to sleep) morphed into ....... a TENNAGE GIRL. The girl slowly awakes form her slumber. She yawns ......... and is startled when bordello Beth says hello. The mystery girl immediately asks Bordello Beth why she (mystery girl) sleeping on Bordello Beth's floor. Bordello Beth (too shocked to tell the truth) says that she doesn't know. The teenage girl then introduces herself to Bordello Beth, by saying that her name is BELLE ..................

With everyone out of the beach house (avoiding the disgusting odors coming from you know who), Irene gets bored ... because she has no one to talk to ... so she turns on the TV. She channel serves for a while before stumbling across a possible solution to her big smelly problem. On the FABULOUS motoring show Top Gear, Irene sees a well quite frankly comedic piece about perhaps running a car on animal bi-products (like the methane from cows for example). Irene thinks that she can not only end her isolation for everyone but also gain a great new cheap fuel source for her car. Irene constructs a device that collects the copious gasses that she is expending. So it's not so obvious that she is wearing the collector she makes in so the it reaches form her bum to just before the back of her knees (so the collector can he covered easily by a knee length skirt. She then is inspired by Bordello Beth's recent activities, and does a bit of home mechanics, and sets her car up to now be (her own) gas powered !!!!

Irene then invites everyone in the bay to the beach house for a party. All are skeptical about the situation, but they decide to go to the party. All are shocked that Irene sooooooooooooooooo DOESN'T stink anymore. Hyde is even more shocked when he seems that she's eating more vegetables than ever. Will Hyde discover Irene's secrets, and what will the oil rich countries of the world do if they also discover them as well ????

Gypsy & Shannon & Mandy trapes across the Scotland countryside, looking for the mysterious haggis. Gypsy is most relieved when after hours of searching the sexy trio finally approach the mysterious haggis. Shannon politely asks the creature where he secret lair of the Loch Ness monster is located. He haggis responds by saying that he can't tell them, because he's already told someone within the last 7 days. When Gypsy asks, the haggis says that he revealed the location of the monster's secret lair to the producer if a new movie that's being filmed nearby. The haggis continues by saying that the film is called "The Legend Of Loch Ness".

Gypsy & her 2 sexy author friends quickly make their way to where some scenes of the new film are being filmed. Gypsy & Shannon are partic surprised to see that the star of the movie is non other than Scott Irwin !!!!!!!!!! Gypsy & Shannon & Mandy approach the movie star's trailer, and Scott (who thinks he's going to "score" with another 3 groupies) lets them in. Scott is then MEGA surprised when Gypsy & Shannon says that they will tell the V eager world press that Scott (when he was a teenager) got SuperSizedSally drunk and then took advantage of her by sleeping with SuperSizedSally in the back of his panel van. Scott Irwin knows hat he (these days) feeds off his clean-cut image (and he just knows that Gypsy & Co know this info too). Shannon insists that they WON'T tell the world's press about Scott's scandalous teenage activities IF he tells them the location of the Loch Ness monster's secret lair. What will Scott Irwin do ??????

Mark and Brain Jade are most surprised to find Angie at their place when they return home. Both he marrieds are even more surprised when Angie says that she wants another baby AND she wants Mark to be the father !!!!!!!

Both Mark and Brainy Jade take offence to the request ... AND they can clearly "hear" the similar thoughts of their other spouse Nature Girl Tash. Unperturbed Angie insists that Mark doesn’t have to sleep with her ...... all he has to do is place his hands on Angie's naked breasts and her magic powers will do the rest !!!!!

Both Mark & Brainy Jade are shocked that Angie hasn't used her magic to coerce Mark into “doing the deed” with her, but Angie insist that she WON'T become pregnant unless Mark willingly agrees to her plan. Will Angie find a way to get Mark to enthusiastically concur to father to new child she sooooooooooooo desperately wants ????

Osiejay Ashtay

[belgshep]

Hi everyone. Sorry for the long wait – I’ve been really busy!!

CHAPTER 24

Summer Bay’s crime leader Cool Hand Colleen is still holding Laura (who she thinks is Kirsty) in chains at her feet in the abandoned warehouse. Desperate to secure Laura’s release, Kane has been staring at Colleen’s feet because Laura is lying on the floor in chains right beside them!! Suddenly, Kane has an idea and he tells Colleen that she looks really stressed and he’ll give her a soothing foot massage as it’ll make her feel better (though it’ll make him feel REALLY bad having to massage Colleen’s feet). Cool Hand Colleen is indeed feeling the strain of being the head of Summer Bay’s crime wave and she quite fancies a foot massage given by good-looking Heroic Kane. While Kane is massaging Colleen’s feet with some relaxing lavender oil that he just happened to have in his pocket, Colleen becomes SO relaxed that she starts to nod off, and her head lolls to one side and her mouth falls open quite unattractively. Keeping an eye on the gently snoring Colleen, Heroic Kane is able to silently slip a skeleton key into Laura’s hand and Laura quietly unlocks the padlock and frees herself from the chains. Unfortunately, as she stands up, the chains drop to the floor with a loud clatter and Colleen is roused from her slumber. Cool Hand Colleen instantly springs to her newly massaged feet and, realising that she has been tricked by Kane, she whips a revolver from under the folds of her pinny and holds Kane and Laura at gun point. However, Kane has cleverly massaged Colleen’s feet with some special oil that contains magnetic particles and he swiftly activates the big electromagnet that he noticed was dangling conveniently from the ceiling of the warehouse. While her cronies look on, Colleen’s feet are instantly attracted to the electromagnet and she is suspended upside down from the ceiling, allowing Kane and Laura to escape from the warehouse. Once outside, Kane quickly locks the door and calls the police to pick up Cool Hand Colleen and the other criminals trapped inside, but he doesn’t notice that Laura is now gazing adoringly at him. Has Laura fallen in love with Kane and what will happen when love of Kane’s life Kirsty returns to the Bay with Craig?

In the Holden car factory, Werewolf Dan lashes out at Mark and Brainy Jade in their Aston Martin DB9 and he makes a large scratch on the car’s fab shiny paint work. Mark is VERY annoyed about this, but the CAR is even MORE upset!!!! The DB9’s computer starts to berate Werewolf Dan for the damage he has done. The nanites in Dan’s brain are totally mesmerised by the speaking car and the car’s computer circuits interface with Werewolf Dan’s nanites. The DB9 becomes altered by this interface and the car’s computer brain now thinks that because computers are superior in many ways to humans, and because cars are capable of so much more that humans give them credit for, humans should be more respectful to cars in the world. The DB9 sends out a message to all cars and the cars begin their world take-over by refusing to do what their human “owners” want. As most of the boys are now driving supercars around the Bay, this will have serious consequences … What happens next?

Silly Scott has been busily constructing his lightsabre out of any old junk he can lay his hands on, including some old copper piping and other bits of junk metal that he found in his workshop. The lightsabre is a bit of a mess but Silly Scott thinks he’s doing a really good job and that his lightsabre is amazing. Searching for the crystal that he must place at the heart of his new lightsabre to activate it, Silly Scott enters the old Thompson mine on the outskirts of town. First of all, he finds an opal and he tries that but, not surprisingly, the lightsabre doesn’t work and he tosses the opal to one side. Then, after several hours digging, he comes across a shiny crystal that is radiating an orangey-green light. This looks like the real deal so Scott places it in his lightsabre and tries to activate it – the lightsabre works!!!!! Silly Scott is well chuffed and goes home with his now working lightsabre that glows orangey-green, but what Silly Scott doesn’t know is that the crystal he has used is HIGHLY radioactive and by the time he gets home his DNA has mutated so that he grows an extra head!!!!!!! Silly Scott’s new head actually HAS a fully functional brain and, because both heads can control Silly Scott’s body, the two heads are constantly bickering about what Silly Scott’s body should do. Mad Martha has been following Silly Scott and is now anxiously trying to work out how to reverse the unfortunate effects of the radioactive crystal when she realises that Scott’s intelligent head is talking to her telepathically and she knows that the head is, in fact, Darth Hunter, the evil twin of Silly Scott and on the Dark Side of the Force. What will Mad Martha be able to do to save Silly Scott and the Bay from Darth Hunter???!!!

At the caravan park, Dr Super Flynn and Supersized Sally are being “haunted” by what they think is the ghost of dead baby Shelley. They keep finding piles of globby goo and other very unpleasant and completely undescribable substances around the house, all of their belongings are strewn about each day and all the pictures in the house are turned upside down. This starts to really upset tidy Sal and she spends every day cleaning obsessively. In the meantime, Dr Super Flynn has analysed the mucusy substance that was found in “dead baby Pippa’s” cot and he discovered that it was, in fact, just the remains of one of Madge Wilkins’ marmalade sandwiches, which she had taken to eating when baby “Pippa” was screaming incessantly and keeping her awake at night. Flynn is now VERY suspicious and sets a trap for the “ghost”. What will he find in his ghost trap the next morning??!!

Earlier, Supersized Sally and Dr Super Flynn had agreed to alien baby Pippa’s request for her to live in Sal’s cleavage. Mumma Pippa preaches to her devoted followers from Sal’s cleavage and has been rewarding the teens with alien drugs that provide the teens with cars and clothes to the extent that there are now so many expensive cars and designer clothes in Summer Bay High that it’s looking like the OC!! The Wednesday night meetings just aren’t enough and the cult followers want to listen to their leader ALL the time, so they follow Sal around the school gazing intently at her breasts in the hope of an appearance from their revered leader. Pretty soon, Hyde notices that many of the kids are taking an undue interest in Sal’s cleavage, but as this isn’t unusual he doesn’t worry too much. One day, however, he’s talking to Sal when he notices one of Mumma Pippa’s feet sticking out from between Sal’s breasts. How will Sal explain that one and will Hyde put a stop to Mumma Pippa’s cult?!!!?

Maddie and Elly, the two journalists, write an exposé on Summer Bay and all the bizarre happenings, but Mayor Posh Josh West finds out and blackmails the girls’ editor by digging up lots of scandalous dirt on the editor’s life. The editor subsequently refuses to publish the article and the girls are left disappointed and fuming at Josh’s unscrupulous scheming. Their friend Sasha, meanwhile, asks Witchie crone Cassie to help her destroy Freya, an evil gold-digger who has tricked Freya’s brother Heath into marrying her. Witchie Crone Cassie agrees to help Sasha if Sasha will research fake tans as Cassie is deeply concerned about how long it’s taking Gypsy, Shannon and Mandy to obtain the minerals to make Cassie’s fake tan potion and she is now so pale that she’s virtually transparent!!!!!! Will this mutually agreeable arrangement pay off for both parties?

In order to save Ric and Rachelena, the dyno people say that Sue must travel deep into the forest to a sacred site and obtain a mystical talisman that will help the dyno people and lift the curse that threatens Ric and Rachelena. The problem is that the talisman has been placed in a cave that is inhabited by one of the few animals that Sue DOESN’T like – a spider – and a GIANT venomous spider at that!! Sue, of course, wants to save Ric and Rachelena, so she agrees to complete the task and sets off to find the giant spider’s cave. She takes along her friend the stray dog and also a dingo that begins to follow them when they leave the dyno people’s encampment. Meanwhile, since teen Alf is a now a teenager he starts BEHAVING like one!! He picks a fight with Ric over Rachelena and the two of them have a serious punch up. Will Sue and her canine friends be able to get the dyno talisman to save Ric and Rachelena, and will Ric and Alf stop fighting before someone gets badly hurt?

Luke Palermo approaches the Dani/Rhys demon and the seven Dani heads immediately think that Luke is her ex-boyfriend Stafford McRae. Stafford talks to the Dani demon but because there are seven extreMEly selfish Dani heads, they EACH want Stafford all to themselves. Meanwhile, Craig has been working on a mathematical solution to the problem ... he approaches the Dani/Rhys demon and says to it “If you have 14 heads and 4 feet – each with 5 toes, and there are 137,856,638 words in the English language, and it’s now half past 3, and Ptolemy was born in the year 223 AD, which of you will get Stafford?” While the Dani demon is scratching its head trying to solve this problem, Stafford, Craig and Kirsty grab little Jacques from his melted-down toy car and do a bunk back to Australia!!! When they last got word from the people of South America, the Dani demon was STILL struggling to solve the maths problem, without much success, and had even bitten down several of its red-varnished nails while muttering “I MUST be able to solve this. After all, I AM a genius!! This whole problem is centred around ME, so I MUST know the answer!!!!” …

Back in the Bay, Bordello Beth, Graham, Scott, Robbie, Kit and Matilda join forces to try to find Henry for the wedding of all the Hunters to A-Vale-able Amanda. Trouble is no-one really remembers Henry and they can’t even remember what he looks like. They search the family photo albums for any photos of him to jog their memories. Strangely, Bordello Beth discovers that when she looks at the photos where she THOUGHT “Henry” had been included, he is NO LONGER there (think H&A credits!!!). Eventually, the whole family despair of ever finding “Henry” and wonder if he ever really existed. However, the TV company who produce the reality show have been told about “Henry”, so the Hunters MUST find him or forfeit the prize money. Eventually, Kit finds a photo that includes a blond teenage boy so they assume that it MUST be Henry. They have the image enlarged and turn it into a life-size cardboard cutout of Henry, but then they realise that Henry will actually have to speak to complete the wedding vows. They get a young kid from the diner to stand behind the cardboard cutout and ask him to speak for “Henry” when it’s his turn to marry A-Vale-able Amanda. Will anyone notice the deception and will the TV company be fooled and cough up the money to the Hunters? Also, will two-headed Silly Scott be back from the mine in time to attend the wedding ceremony?

Morag LOVES the idea that someone idolises her and she is really happy to have baby carnivore George as her “daughter”. After Posh Josh West was eaten by George at the diner, he finds out all about George being a carnivore from another planet and, true to form, he tries to blackmail Morag. Morag has crossed swords with Josh before and she and George set a trap for Josh and catch him in a large cage while he’s snooping around Morag’s office. George is feeling rather hungry again by now and she licks her lips and asks Morag shyly if she may eat Josh again. Morag, of course, agrees and George starts her feast, eating Josh very slowly, starting at his feet and working her way up, so that Josh’s head is the last bit to be eaten and he can see everything that’s happening!!!!! Next day, Josh is back in the cage and George eats him AGAIN, VERY slowly. After 7 days of being eaten by George, Josh is getting REALLY fed up with having to endure the SAME agonising death EVERY day; after all, variety is the spice of life … not to mention the fact that George has REALLY bad breath!!! Will Posh Josh be able to escape from George and give someone else a chance to kill him?

The folk of Summer Bay have been taking Polygraph Pete’s lie detector test and this is causing concern as all the Bay’s long-kept secrets are being revealed to Peter and EVERYONE is worried that he’ll blab. Hayley suspects that evil Planknocchio is somehow responsible for the polygraph test working so well and – as Polygraph Pete’s test discovered that Hayley had NOT, in fact, slept with Ben Lucini – Carly and Hayley join forces with the Charmed Ones to try to catch Planknoccio out. By now, however, there is a contract out on Polygraph Pete and someone starts to stalk him. He is subsequently blown up by a bomb, shot at and left in a coma. Will he survive and will the relentless polygraphs continue without him? Who is the hit man and will Hayley, Carly and the Charmed Ones be able to prove that Planknocchio is responsible and vanquish him?

Witchy crone Cassie is told that Leah’s clone is causing earthquakes whenever she and the real Leah speak at the same time, which is virtually always since Leah rarely pauses for breath!!! Witchy crone Cassie uses her magic to re-pitch the clone Leah’s voice so that the two whiny voices balance out and the earthquakes stop. A little later, Kane and Laura arrive home with little Jacques and Witchy crone Cassie regains her memory the minute she claps eyes on her little kangaroo offspring. She decides to get her revenge on Leah, who has been claiming to be her best friend, and when Leah asks for a beauty spell Witchy crone Cassie deliberately stuffs it up. When Leah wakes up in the morning she discovers that she now has a beard and she is forced to pretend that she is her Greek cousin Leonnatus. How will Leah reverse the spell?!!?

While preparing for the Hunter mega-wedding, Bordello Beth had cut off her singing breasts to get some peace, but she then discovered that they had morphed into a teenage girl called Belle, who is looking for her mum. Bordello Beth wonders if she should tell Belle the truth, but she has enough kids already and really doesn’t want to have to deal with another wayward teen who would then ALSO have to marry A-Vale-able Amanda in order for the Hunters to get the prize money (the wedding is going to last all day as it is!!!). So, to get rid of Belle she gives her a photo that she cut out of a magazine and pasted onto some cardboard and she tells Belle that it’s her Mum. Belle thinks the woman looks familiar and goes off in search of her. Will Belle ever find her mum??

Irene’s party at the beach house goes fantastically well and her guests really enjoy themselves. The house is odour free and Irene is SO happy to have solved her flatulence problem and have all her friends around her again. Even Nick and Will have turned up!!! Barry notices that there’s a huge store of vegetables that Irene has stashed outside the house and he asks her about them. Irene is deliriously happy and she tells Barry about her discovery and says that she has been offered a lucrative deal from Volvo as her gas-powered car is much more efficient than Volvo’s own designs for methane-powered cars as the methane that Irene is using (her own) is so much purer than anything that is currently commercially available!!! Barry is so impressed that he impulsively asks Irene to marry him and she gets so excited that she jumps up and down and dislodges the pipe running to the gas-collecting tank under her skirt. At that very moment, one of Irene’s guests, who is standing just behind her, lights up a cigarette and a spark from his cigarette lighter ignites the high-pressure jet of gas that escapes from the pipe. There is a big explosion and Irene is blasted into the sky with her skirt inflating like a hot-air balloon. When the smoke has cleared, everyone looks up to see Irene floating away ... Barry races after her in the car but Irene drifts over some rough ground and he loses sight of her. He immediately organises a search party to look for his fiancé Irene. Will she ever be found?

In Scotland, on the banks of Loch Ness, Scott Irwin reveals the secret location of the Loch Ness monster’s lair to Gypsy, Shannon and Mandy and they go to ask Nessie to kindly let them have some copperina. In the meantime, however, sneaky Scott tells Nessie that the girls have EATEN Nessie’s little pal, the haggis and Scott assumes that Nessie will then eat THEM!!!! When the girls get to Nessie’s lair, the normally mild-mannered creature is furious and rushes at the girls, roaring ferociously, but just at that moment, Haggis comes around the corner whistling a jaunty Scottish jig, and Nessie realises that Scott was LYING about the girls eating Haggis! A happy and relieved Nessie is only too pleased to give the girls all the copperina they want in return for a favour – that they help Nessie get revenge on Scott. Nessie has actually been getting rather annoyed with Scott’s crass, conceited attitude and thinks he could do with being taken down a peg or two. After all, NESSIE is the star of the movie “The Legend of Loch Ness”, NOT Scott. So, next day the girls turn up at the film set and cleverly arrange for the boat that Scott is sitting in to be rammed so that he falls into the loch. Nessie has been hiding under water and pops up just behind Scott with a tremendous roar and terrified Scott screams and squeals (not like a girl, as no girl would be that pathetic!) and swims for the bank like a demented otter and then rushes off crying, COMPLETELY ruining his tough-guy image. This, of course, is ALL being filmed, and the cameramen fall about laughing. Nessie is delighted and later presents the girls with a neat basket full of copperina to take back to witchy crone Cassie, which grateful Cassie stirs it into her cauldron along with the copperina (two down, two to go). Next on the list of fake tan minerals is the tannoblende, but this mineral is extremely rare and can only be found on Mars and the Martians AREN’T friendly. How on earth (or, more accurately, how on Mars?!!!!) will the girls be able to obtain the tannoblende?

In Summer Bay, Angie tried hard to persuade her chosen one Mark to give her the baby she desires. Mark, of course, doesn’t want to upset his stunning wives Brainy Jade and Nature Girl Tasha, so he nobly refused Angie’s request to touch her breasts (which would make her pregnant). As Angie had promised not to force Mark to father her child and only to go ahead if he willingly agreed, Angie goes away uncomplaining and Mark and Brainy Jade are really surprised. BUT, Angie has a plan – to hypnotise Mark so that he thinks he DOES want to father her child. She aims to go back to Mark’s house when he returns from the Holden factory to carry out her fiendish and cunning plan. Will she be successful???!!!

[JosieTash]

CHAPTER 25

Cool Hand Colleen escapes form the warehouse (with the aid of several of her similar aged cronies). She’s as mad as hell .... so decided to takes revenge of Heroic Kane. Cool Hand Colleen sees Kirsty in this distance ... Cool Hand Colleen grabs her sniper's rifle ... and fires at Kirsty ..... the bullet hits Kirsty in the arm .... Laura feels he bullet wound in her twin ..... and Kirsty realizes that she is now doubly in pain ... as she has just sense that Laura is in love with heroic Kane. Will Kristy’s beloved be able to save her .... and what will happen with Laura's new feelings for Kane are revealed ?

Hyde is at SBH wondering where all his male students are ..... Hyde phone the police who begin (with the Alf led SES) a search for the students. The girls of SBH suspects that because of the machines of the world rising up against their human oppressors, hat all the boys are trapped in their car mode ..... but none of the girls who to break the word to Mumma Pippa to keep the cult a secret. will Summer Bay's boys & girls in blue (and the SES ppl in orange) be able to solve the mysterious male disappearances ???

Jedi (Mad) Martha tells her apprentice Silly Scott that the only way to rid himself of Darth Hunter is to challenge him to a lightsabre duel .... Jedi (Mad) Martha throws Silly Scott her lightsabre .... he catches it with his right hand ..... Darth Hunter (who has the sabre that Silly Scott made with the orangey-green crystal in Silly Scott's left hand) activates the blade.... Jedi (Mad) Martha watches on in disbelief as (somehow) Silly Scott & Darth Hunter epically dual with their lightsabres ........ Jedi (Mad) Martha knows that the only way Silly Scott can rid himself of Darth Hunter is to cut of the Dark Lord's head ..... Jedi (mad) Martha has trained Silly Scott to the best of her ability ..... and it shows with Silly Scott is successful .... Darth Hunter is decapitated .... and the evil sabre disappears into thin air .... Jedi (mad) Martha is NOT surprised that Silly Scott thinks it's waaaaaaaaaaaay cool that he torso etc remains double the width of a normal person (and the base of Darth Hunter's neck can still be seen) but was that REALLY the end of Darth Hunter ???

Because of the new info that he discovered at Madge's place, Flynn decides to try a more conventional trap for the "ghost" ...... but in the morning when he finds Shelley (in the trap) .... he sees that she has begun to change ... into a rabbit (which is the kind of trap he used) ...... soon after, Shelley is now a (human sized) rabbit ....... and she wants to breed like a rabbit. .... she quickly hops after Flynn ....he isn't keen on be the father of the children that she now craves ...will he be able to get way from the V frisky bunny Shelley ???

Hyde confronts Sally bout the leg sticking out of her cleavage .... Mumma Pippa send Sally a though msg .... and Sally removes Mumma Pippa form her cleavage .... but Mumma Pippa has used her alien ability to become a living statue ... Sally jokes to Hyde about finding all sorts of things all the time in her MEGA cleavage ..... but does Hyde believe here ???

Maddie & Elly aren't done with yet ...... they KNOW that there's many ways to skin a cat (apologies to feline everywhere) ..... so they pay close attention to Posh Josh .... and discover that he dies (and come back to life) every single day .......Posh Josh tries to bribe many more media ppl to not run the story ..... but he can't find, or crate anything against the editor of a newspaper in a remote place in the Aussie outback. The FBI & CIA are alerted to Josh's mysterious life & death struggle .... they captured him in the dead of night ..... and kill him many, many, many times in many, many, many ways .... so their research is V, V thorough !!!!!

Meanwhile, Sash tells Witchie Crone Cassie that her rich daddy has whole warehouse full of the fake tan she craves, but it's a lie though ..... he does have the fan tan in warehouses ... but Witchie Crone Cassie wouldn't be seen dead in the brand that Sash’s father has stockpiled. The Witchie Crone agrees to cast a spell on Freya ... but she wants the fake tan 1-st ....how will Sash be able to get out of this one ???

As sue approaches the giant spider, on the other side of the world, 2 brothers with a nose for weird stuff are investigating reports of a mysterious tribe of half human/half dinosaur ppl. They decided to fly to Oz to check it out., Sue & her animal companion sees the talisman they require .... but the giant spider descends from its giant web above ...... Sue can't believe it when the spider SHOUTS at her to GO BACK. Sue know the she hates spiders, but she decides to risk everything to save Ric (and Rachelena). The gins spider captures her ... the stay & dingo can't help and the spider take Sue up into its giant web. Sue is REALLY scared when the spider says that it will enjoy eating her for diner later.

Sue shouts out for help .... despite knowing that she is in a V remote part of the world ...... she sees the giant spider approaching .. and fears for the worst ,. but she can also hear rustling against the nearby trees ...... the giant is less than a meter away ... set to strike ..... when a mans swings (Tarzan style) into view ....... he kills the giant spider with a BIG sword ..... Sue can't believe the she has been saved .... and is even more shocked when she discovers that she has been rescued by her hero, Dean Winchester (and his bro, Sam) ,,,,,,, Sue almost faints at the sight of her hero ..... but she rems that their are lives on the line ..... she, however, PASHES Dean before grabbing the talisman.

Sue, Dean, Sam & Sue's animals friends arrive just in time ..... as Ric & Rachelena who were tied up on the ground, about to be stomped to death by the dino ppl ...... Sue hands talisman to the chief of the dino ppl .. whilst Dean & Sam look on in awe of the intriguing species ...... Ric & Rachelena are freed, but teen Alf immediately tries to start a fight with Ric ... Sue places herself between Ric and the charging Alf .... who is close to Sue when Dean fires a arrow form his crossbow ... the arrow contains some of the magic liquid in the talisman ..... Sue is able to get of the way before Alf collide with her ..... Alf falls to the ground because of the arrow that Dean fire ..... and Sue & Ric are surprised, yet please, when Alf changes back into her (literally) OLD self. Sue thanks Dean once more, but Alf is not happy at what's happen .... Alf vows revenge against Sue, Dean & Sam and the dino ppl ......

In South America, the Dani Demon finally works out the answer to Craig's question (it's 42 - hehehehe - if you're wondering) ...... the Dani Demon walks into the nearby ocean ,..... and swims the entire Pacific Ocean in V quick time ... before arriving in the Bay ...... how will the baysiders react to have their most infamous resident back in town ???

Silly Scott arrives at the wedding ceremony just in time ...... all hope that their cardboard cut-out ruse will work ...... they wedding proceeds ...... and everyone .... incl. the "cardboard" Henry says their "I Do's" ..the priest announces them all married ..... and Beth is eager when she sees a person wearing a mask (and a jacket with the reality TV shows' logo approaches. she is sooooo pleased that she kept the reality show bit a secret and news of the GREAT new of their new fortune ..... but Beth is SHOCKED when the person removes the mask ....... as the person is (the REAL) HENRY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

George waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay takes offence to Morag let George’s fave plaything (Josh) away ,,,,,,, George insist that she'll kill and DEVOUR all of Morag’s family ,. but eating Morag ... whilst Morag is still alive. Will Morag comply with her "daughters" demands ???

The machine on which Polygraph Pete has been conducting all his lie detector test decides to become he rebel of the automated world ..... it uses the new found freedom given to it by Werewolf Dan (and the gadget laden Aston Martin) to transform into a humanoid robot ....... the Polygraph discoverers that planchnocio launched all those attacks against his (the polygraph's) partner, Polygraph Pete. Plancnocio is concerned ... with the polygraph, the Charmed Ones & Hayley surrounding him ..... is there anyway that he can possibly escape ..... or will planknochio join his dad in that great forest in HELL ???

Leah initially thinks for days & days & days about a revenge plan ..... but then gets sidetracked ... Leah decides to use her current (looking like a man status) to get together with a woman ... something her strict religious parents told her would send her to HELL.. Leah's wonders which female she should choose ???

Belle sees the woman that is supposedly her mum in an ad on TV .... she made various phone calls ... and discovers that the woman that Beth said is her mum is indeed not. bell then searches Beth’s house .... where she finds some startling evidence .... in the attic she finds documents which say that TILLY is Belle's mum ......... apparently Tilly gave birth to Belle when Tilly has 20 years old ... but Beth's husband Jack took offence to this happening .... so he build a machine which turned 20 year old back into a baby free of any of the knowledge of her life ...... he document say that Bell was adopted out to another family, and Beth & hubby Jack didn't want to deal with 2 babies ..... Belle is SHOCKED ....but is the truth or an elaborate ruse ???

Hyde runs after Irene for as long as he can .....but his hopes of catching her when she falls are dashed when Irene latches onto a passing passenger airliner ..... it takes her all the way to France. Irene likes her new life the country's capital, the city of romance ...... esp. when she encounters her former love ..... Will Irene live happily ever after with Paris (Burnett) in Paris ???

On Mars, Shannon & Mandy try to use their finely homed media skills .... after having to answer all those many questions at book launches, to gain the trust of the war mongering Martians .. but Gypsy thinks there's another way ...... she thinks they might be able to use Mars' lesser gravity (compared to Earth) to their advantage ..... when Shannon & Mandy’s diplomatic course of action fails .... they decide to try Gypsy’s idea .... will they succeed ???

Angie is eager when she sees Mark approaching the house. she hypnotizes him after spinning Mark a story. While he is under Angie's hypnotism, Angie says that Mark will want to touch her naked breasts which will make her preggers) as soon as she says a certain word. When the hypnotism is over, Angie says THAT word to Mark within minutes, but it doesn't work. she tries again without success.

Angie went to the diner, and when someone ELSE says THAT word, Angie rushes over and tries to touches that person’s chest. Angie can't believe that her spell has backfire like this (until she rems that Mark had to touch her breasts of his OWN accord ... with any devious tricks ..... can Angie break the spell .... and who DID say THAT word .... and what IS that word ???

Osiejay Ashtay

PS - I know it's taken a while but waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay hope you like !!!!!!!!!!!

[belgshep]

Hi guys. Once again, sorry for the long wait for another chapter. Too much to do and not enough hours in the day!

CHAPTER 26

After the shooting, Heroic Kane rips off his shirt and tears it into strips with which to bind up his beloved Kirsty’s wounded arm. The sight of the now shirtless Kane is driving Laura wild and she looks away to hide her feelings, BUT Kirsty can feel her twin’s desire for Heroic Kane and she is very worried. Kane carries Kirsty to the hospital, where Flynn drags himself away from the drug store just long enough to stitch up Kirsty’s arm (luckily the bullet passed straight through as it’s far less trouble that way – no gouging out of the bullet by drug-addled Flynn who was testing out all those lovely drugs in the store cupboard!). Later, when she is meant to be resting at home, desperate Kirsty visits witchy crone Cassie and begs her to cast a spell on Laura so that she no longer loves Kane. Witchy crone Cassie wearily agrees but she’s now feeling so pale and weak that she mucks up the spell and when Kane comes home he is shocked and devastated when Kirsty tell him that SHE no longer loves him!!!!!!!!!! What will happen now to the KK “perfect” love story?

The police and the sexily orange-clad SES led by Alf search for many hours before they locate the boys, who are all locked in their cars at a drive-in movie that’s showing repeatedly. However, in order to punish the boys, their cars have taken them to see a really cr*p movie and the boys are desperate to escape, not to mention the fact that they all need to visit the little boys’ room urgently! How will the police, SES and Alf manage to free the boys from their cars and help them escape the excruciatingly bad movie?

After Darth Hunter’s defeat and beheading by Silly Scott, Mad Martha is hoping all will be well. However, a few of Darth Hunter’s cells remain at the place where his head was severed, and those cells gradually infect Silly Scott and he starts to turn to the Dark Side. Silly Scott becomes more and more powerful and Jedi Mad Martha fears for the Bay. How can Mad Martha save Silly Scott without having to kill her protégé or sacrifice herself (in the time-honoured tradition of Jedi masters)?

Flynn becomes very fed up being pursued by sex-mad Shelley the rabbit so he visits the local pet store and buys an equally frisky giant buck rabbit, which he takes home to the van park house. He puts Big Bunny in the room with Shelley and quickly locks the door, trapping them both inside. Sal and Flynn hear lots of strange noises that night. What will Flynn discover when he opens the door next morning?

Sally says that the statue she pulled from her cleavage is “Pam Paupimm”, who was the founder headteacher of Summer Bay High and that they should place her statue in the school foyer as a mark of respect. Hyde is suspicious but he looks up Pam Paupimm in the school records and, to his surprise, finds that Sal is correct, so he agrees. At night, the kids pile into SBH to hold candlelight vigils in front of Mumma Pippa, who comes alive in front of them. Hyde is pondering the story of Pam Paupimm, and thinking what a strange name it is, when suddenly he realises that he’s been conned – it’s an anagram of Mumma Pippa (Sal forged the school records!). He rushes to the school but Mumma Pippa is ready for him and quickly entrances him with her latest speech, especially when she says she wants HIM to father the new leader of the cult. What will Hyde do now?

Josh is desperate to escape the government lab where he is being held and repeatedly killed. Maddie and Elly feel quite bad about what happened to him after the release of their story. They manage to break into the lab and speak with Josh, who says he’ll pay them LOADS of money if they help him to escape, and he’ll also speak to his editor friends and get them great jobs on the best newspapers. Maddie and Elly give Josh some special poison that makes him appear properly dead and the lab staff think that he is absolutely, totally, finally, completely and utterly DEAD (as the proverbial dodo) and have his body removed to the morgue. After several days, however, the poison finally wears off and Josh makes his getaway from the morgue. Will Posh Josh West keep his promises to the girls or will the slimy little toad double-cross them as usual?

Sasha puts the cheap tan from her daddy’s warehouse in different bottles and sticks new labels on to make it look like a fantastically good and really expensive new brand. Cassie agrees to Sasha’s deal and uses the tan lotion, but at first she turns a horrible streaky, patchy and very odd yellow colour, most unlike her normal lovely glowy orange. She has to scrub herself really hard to get rid of the streaks and when she looks in the mirror she finds that she scrubbed so hard that she’s disappeared and IS now completely invisible. At first, Cassie is absolutely furious as she wants to be glowy orange again but then she realises that this could be to her advantage. What will witchy crone Cassie do with her new-found invisibility?

The now old and leathery Alf is NOT pleased that he has returned to his normal self and can no longer pretend to be Ric and thereby attract Rachelena. He is very angry that he was hit by the arrow fired by Dean and he threatens to do dreadful things to Dean and Sam. “You flamin’ gallahs”, he cries “you can’t just go around shootin’ people with arrows!” Dean just laughs and him and cracks lots of smart-alec jokes about Alf, which make Sue and the dino people fall about on the ground laughing. The dino people are really happy and ask everyone to stay for a big feast to celebrate the day’s events. Dean and Sam take a look at some of the dino tribe’s ancient documents about the powers of the talisman, but they are in ancient dino language that not even the dino people understand, so Dean and Sam ask a convention of freelance copyeditors (who just happen to be passing by) to translate the parchments for them. The copyeditors take an absolute age to even BEGIN to translate the parchments and Dean gets way pi**ed off with them and shoots them all (personal joke – you have no idea HOW satisfying that is!!!!). Dean and Sue disappear for a bit more pashing after the copyeditor massacre, and Rachelena and Ric chat happily, while Sam finds out as much as he can about the fascinating dino people. No-one is watching old and leathery Alf as he prepares to take his revenge for the loss of his borrowed youth, and he creeps up to the food prepared for the feast and pours something into it. What has Alf done and what will happen to everyone when they eat the feast?

When the Dani demon lumbers up the beach at Summer Bay, the first person she (times seven) encounters is a dark-haired young man with a goatee beard. The Dani demon is feeling very hungry after her long swim so she bites off the man’s head and quickly gobbles up the rest of him (sharing the meal between the seven heads). As he’s being swallowed, the man is heard to wail “NOOOO, not again. How can I get killed when I’m still “dead”?” Feeling refereshed, but with a really bad case of indigestion, Dani demon starts her quest for Stafford McRae to tell him the answer to the mathematical question and get Stafford for herself, but all seven heads want him for “herself”, so there’s bound to be trouble. That night the Bay echoes with the eerie sound of someone singing “I’m back. It’s MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!” How will the Bay cope with the return of its biggest ever ego?

After the mega-wedding, Beth talks to real Henry, who says that his tap-dancing career is over as he badly sprained an eyelash and he tells Beth that he wants to come back to the Bay. He tries to blackmails Beth into giving him a large share of the money or he’ll spill the beans to the TV company and the Hunter family will lose all the cash. Will Beth be blackmailed by her youngest son or will something “unfortunate” happen to Hapless Henry?

George is VERY angry at the loss of her plaything and perpetual meal Josh and she starts to nibble Morag and chews up Morag’s best suit before Morag manages to calm her down. Morag placates angry George by telling her that it was SO boring for her having to eat the same old Josh meal every day (and she’s sure he didn’t taste that good anyway) and that, because George is her beloved daughter, she wants better for her. George is intrigued by Morag’s words and she asks Morag who she can eat next for a little more flavour in her life. Morag thinks for a while and then makes her suggestion to George. What is it and what will George think of the idea?????

The Polygraph robot, Carly, Hayley and the Charmed Ones trap Planknocchio in a special charmed circle and Hayley reluctantly agrees that they have to do something to stop his evil, since cop Polygraph Pete now lies unconscious in hospital because of the evil wooden one. The Charmed Ones decide that they must torch Planknocchio to rid the Bay of his evil and they pour petrol on him and burn him to ashes (Supernatural note: they forgot the SALT!!!). Everyone is very relieved that Planknocchio is gone, except Hayley who feels huge guilt about having to kill her son. But, as he was burning, a black demonic mist left Planknocchio and entered one of the watching people. Who is now possessed by Planknocchio’s evil spirit?

Leah, still disguised as her cousin Leonnatus, watches all the attractive girls in the diner but she just can’t make up her mind WHO to have her lesbian fling with. She decides to place the decision in the hands of fate, let the chips fall where they may, and all that sort of stuff – so, whichever female walks through the diner door next WILL be her lesbian lover. Leah waits with bated breath as the door opens and in walks … Colleen!!!!!! Leah is HORRIFIED. Will she keep her promise to herself and have an affair with Cool Hand Colleen?

At first, Belle thinks it’s ridiculous that Tilly is her mother but she obtains a DNA sample from Tilly by taking some hair from Tilly’s hairbrush and then has a DNA test done on herself and Tilly. Shockingly, the DNA test confirms that Tilly IS indeed Bell’s mum. Belle confronts Tilly as she also wants to know who her father is, but Tilly is totally unable to recall anything about her former life. Belle and Tilly BOTH want to find out more about what happened and further research in the attic reveals the time machine, which is, in fact, a huge, old, carved oak wardrobe. Belle and Tilly heave open the heavy door and step inside. They walk out into a mysterious world where Summer Bay is covered in snow and there’s a strange lamp-post in the middle of the Surf Club!!!!!! What happens next, and will the identity of Tilly’s father be more shocking than the identity of her mother?

Hyde can’t just jet off to France when he finds out that Irene’s not coming back because he’s dealing with Mumma Pippa’s tempting proposal of fatherhood. Instead, he sends Kim off to Paris to tell Irene that if she leaves him he’ll murder Paris. Barry Hyde’s getting a bit of a reputation for killing these days, so Irene is VERY concerned for Paris’s safety. Will she stay with Paris in Paris, or return to the Bay to be with Hyde?

Shannon and Mandy try very hard to negotiate with the Martians but the Martians aren’t interested as they just LOVE a good war. (If only they knew how to build a spaceship, they’d have been on their way to Earth long ago!) So, the three girls put Gypsy’s plan into action. They take the numerous bottles of mineral water from their spaceship and chuck it over the Martians. Because of the low gravity and low air pressure, liquid water can’t exist on Mars and the water freezes solid, trapping the Martians long enough for Shannon, Mandy and Gypsy to steal some of the tannoblende from under their noses. The girls race back to their spaceship to make their escape because they know the Martians will be furious. But, when they get to the spaceship, they find that it’s been vandalized!!!!!!!! Who has done this awful thing and how will the girls escape?

Feeling frustrated at the failure of her hypnosis plan, Angie had been sitting in the diner when the oldest guy in town had ordered a coffee and Angie had rushed over to touch his chest. She realises that every time someone says coffee (and it’s quite often), Angie is drawn to them and has to touch their chest. Angie gets very embarrassed and very tired as she ends up running around the diner all day. She finally manages to undo her hypnosis spell with a powerful “cancellation potion”, but she STILL wants to get pregnant. She tells Mark that she has decided to stop pestering him and that she has found another way to have a baby. Mark and his gorgeous spouses Brainy Jade and Nature Girl Tash breathe a sigh of relief when they hear this news, but all is not as it seems. The next day, Tash is on her way home when Mark walks straight past her in the street and totally ignores her. He gets into a car and it drives away. Tash is a bit confused but she opens the door of the house and goes inside, where she finds … her spouse sitting in a chair watching the motor racing at Bathurst on TV. Tash is shocked. Mark asks her what’s wrong and Tash says that she has just seen Mark’s doppelganger, or was it his clone? What HAS Angie been up to?

[Thanks to JosieTash for the inspiration for a certain copyeditor idea!!!!]

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