CLASSIC Twisted Tales

[JosieTash]

I initially though that it much have been the time when about a weeks worth of messages just disppeared form the AOL H&A boards (fro no reason), but no, it was merely human error.

i rem thar when i wrote that there had be a speaicl on tv about some woman rememebring a building from a past life ... and they were able to prove that the woman wasn't just dreaming ... the life she had dream about raelly happeened !!!

you recollection is corect .... those where that days before i finally decided to put seb out of his misery (and kill him off) before wanda had great idea to kill him (along with josh) every chapter !!!

288

The invisible barrier between superFlynn and Leah is becoming stronger,Vinnie gains strength from their guilty consciences.UK Leah and Robbie are frantically trying to come up with a solution but are getting nowhere.

Then totally randomly and unexpectedly psychic Floss turns up and offers to contact Vinnie in the spirit world. Leah's religious upbringing is at odds with this ....will she agree to Floss's help??!!

Kane loves his wife dearly and wants her to seek help for her problem, she agrees to go to a women's support group in Yabbie Creek , to get over her feeling of wanting to do bad things , the counsellor there diagnoses her as suffering from a condition which will make her lie compulsively. Can Kirsty be cured of her lying and how will Kane react when he finds out??!!

Dani and Norman announce their engagement ....has the fact that Norman told Dani he was wealthy prompted this action ....and will Dani find out that the old git is lying??!!

Jaicen returns to his people to see if Jaina's friend wants to come to the Bay. Posh Josh and Saddo Seb decide to follow him, hoping to find where the dino-people live.But after following him for only ten minutes they both collapse and die of heat exhaustion.

''I killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' said the hot bright sun.

''You LEGEND,'' replied a single white fluffy cloud.

Hyde is in a rage ...the job of principal means everything to him , he will stop at nothing to prevent Paris from coming back. Hils is scared and clutches Paris's hand , but Paris vows that he will stand up to the evil Hyde whatever it takes. What evil plan is Hyde plotting??!!

Irene is very patiently trying to help Noah with his counselling skills but he is getting nowhere , she is becoming frustrated with his incompetence....will it come between them??!!

Floss is in love with Kimmy, but the wierd old psychic witch fully freaks him out. He runs to the safety of Silly Scott Hunters arms and shaking with fear tells Silly Scott what happened. When Silly Scott finally understands what Kimmy is telling him he is outraged and goes to confront Floss.

On the way he comes across Max being beaten up by Henry and Rikki, who decided that Joe and Tilly hadn't done a thorough enough job . This distracts Silly Scott and he forgets where he was going....will he remember??!!

Date: 25/03/04 Author : Wanda

289

Greek Leah tosses and turns about this decision. It this end, she decides that she wants Floss to contact her ex. Seconds about making her decision (and without having herself told anyone yet), her annoying brother Alexi arrives at her house. He said he "just knew" that she had made to decision. Alexi decides to blackmail his sister. He won’t tell their god-fearing parents if she helps in his bid to be a professional soccer player. Alexi tells her that he has been promised a contract with a team IF Greek Leah becomes a "baby farm" for the club, ie gets preggers on demand, and often, so the club has HEAPS of genetically altered future stars at there disposal. How will the (formerly) whiney chef respond?

Kirsty decides to try some further counselling before she tells kane her problem. The support group counsellor contacts Shelley - for her assistance with Kirsty. Shelley tells the other counsellor than she will use her "motherly influence" to convince Kirsty not to lie and the other perrons agrees. Shelley, who HATES that Kirsty chose kane over her own family decides electric shock treatment is the way to cure Kirsty of her disgusting habitual lying. Shelley fully likes it when Kirsty keeps on telling untruths - as she gets to shock her daughter again. Because of the shocks Kirsty receives, the blindfold covering her eyes is the moved enough to allow Kirsty to see the angry delight of Shelley’s face (think the emperor zapping Luke at the end of "Star Wars: Return of the Jedi"). Thankfully Shelley doesn’t notice, and Kirsty is able to move to blindfold totally back to covering her eyes. Kirsty then stops responding to Shelley’s questions with lies. How will Shelley react to this new development?

Dani demands the most lavish, expensive wedding the world has ever seen. She arranges the most expensive everything for the ceremony, but is NOT pleased when she is told that all the cheques she’s written (in norman’s name) have bounced. Dani then desperately tries to find the now somewhat elusive Norman.

In her travels she walks very quickly past josh & Seb. Dani’s quickness causes some of the dust from the gravelly ground to flick up and hit the pair of pathetic, weak boned losers. The impact of the dust kills posh & saddo instantly.

"I killed josh & Seb," said the dust.

"You LEGEND", replied a nearby ghecko.

Dani finally catches up with Norman. She says she’ll forgive him for embarrassing HER big time on the condition that he gets an operation to extend his appendage. She wants private parts to be longest in history (and in the next edition of the Guiness book of records). Will Norman agree?

Jacen tries his hardest to convince Jaina’s friend Rei to come to the Bay but he is unsuccessful. Just as Jacen rtns to the bay and is about to tell Jaina the back news, she tells him she’s staying in the bay. Jaina then tells Jacen that they reason she is staying bayside in a secret. What mysterious truth is Jaina hiding for her brother Jacen?

Hyde knows that Hils LOVED the bright, sunny Aussie weather (instead of cold, rainy England). Kimmy’s dad threatens to unleash the UK weather, on only Paris & Hils, if Mr Burnett takes over as SBH principal. Paris thinks Hyde is bluffing, but is controlling the weather one of Hyde’s many hidden talents?

After a little while longer with no improvement, Irene snaps. She goes into a rage, threatening to destroy everything in sight. Will Noah be able to use all of Irene’s great training to stop her from trashing everything in sight?

Silly Scott completely forgets about his anger towards Floss until he sees GYPSY and Sally pashing. This reminds him about floss. Silly Scott then confronts the circus performer. Floss doesn’t like what silly Scott is saying about her - so she uses the little amount of actual magic she has to turn Silly Scott into a ………..…

After beating max for several more hours, Rikki, Henry, Tilly and Joe decide to do something else. All decide that they want to do something VERY extraordinary. What do the 4 great mates choose to do?

Date: 25/03/04 Author : JosieTash

290

Greek Leah gives in to Alexi's blackmail and is impregnated with David Beckham's sperm.Floss however is not the good natured medium she has fooled everyone into thinking she is.Evil forces are afoot.She summons a demon who pretends he is Vinnie's ghost....will Leah be able to tell the difference??!!

Kirsty finds she is now unable to lie ,even over the slightest thing. This in itself causes problems as she tells it exactly as it is. First she comes across Dani whining about finding the exact shade of puce green for the bridesmaids dresses....and she tells her how boring and tasteless she is....then she comes across Colleen and tells her what an irritating old bag she is , Kane notices that she seems to be upsetting a load of people and asks their great friend Fi to talk to her....will Kirsty be persuaded that a bit of diplomacy is ok??

Dani stomps off in a huff to find Norman who is busy transferring his meagre funds to off shore accounts so that Dani can't spend his money....will Dani find out ??!!

Norman has been to see Dr.SuperFlynn who informed him that his wrinkly little appendage cannot be extended that far....will Norman tell Dani??!!

Jaina really wants to stat in the Bay because she has a crush on Paris ...will the dino-teen be able to prize him away from the love of his life Hils??!!

Hils is terrified of the prospect of a return to the wet British weather, she came to Aussie to escape from it.But Paris is refusing to give in to Hydes blackmail...will this come between our loving couple and is Hyde bluffing??!!

Floss turns Silly Scott into a giant.He clumsily bumbles along flattening everything underfoot. One of his huge feet crushes Saddo Seb and Posh Josh as they cuddled each other in some long grass.

''I killed Saddo Seb and Posh Josh,'' said the giant foot.

''You LEGEND,'' replied a wallaby.

Luckily Floss's magic wasn't very strong and wore off before Silly Scott H could damage much more,but being stupid he did not realise and thought he was still a giant.Will Silly Scott H realise that he is small again??!!

Our four teens appear at first glance to be STUDYING...but Wanda is instantly suspicious since Joe has never attempted homework in his life ....what is it they are really doing??!!

And has anyone taken the battered Max to hospital yet ...or does no one care??!!

Date: 26/03/04 Author : Wanda

291

Greek Leah thinks something is slightly askew with the ghost of her hubby, but floss assures her that all ghosts who are summoned from the other realm appear like this. When the Greek chef (and everyone in the Bay) is asleep, the evil demon goes about its work. In the morning, EVERYONE is stunned for 2 reasons. Firstly, virtually everybody's skin is a different colour, eg instead is the usual "white" skin, Tasha's epidermal layer is dark blue, whilst Rhys' skin is hot pink, Irene's is a dark purple, and Robbie's is light green. Also, ALL in town is stunned by the fact that everyone's left hand has been removed from their bodies. Will the bay gang discover who is behind all this madness? And why have the demon changed their skin colour and cut off their left hands?

Fi at first is unsuccessful with her attempts to get Kirsty to loosen up with the telling the entire truth thing; eg Kirsty says the outfit Fi is wearing is - in Kirsty's opinion - terrible. Fi thinks that kane is the key to breaking Kirsty about of 100% truth "kick".

Fi talks to Kane and asks him to get a haircut she KNOWS Kirsty will hate, but one which he will like. Kane agrees to Fi's plan and gets his hair done. He then immediately goes to see Kirsty. She sees the (in her eyes) bad haircut, and then remembers what Fi was told her. When kane asked, Kirsty says she LIKES his new haircut. Whilst they are pleased with this development, Fi & Kane wonder if Kirsty will extend her little white lies to the rest of the ppl in the bay, so they invite Dani over their house. Will Kirsty be able to be diplomatic this time about her snobbish, sooky sister?

Norman decides that he doesn't want to have to deal with annoying, self centred dani any longer - so he decides to leave Australia, and have a regular ordinary life in wonderful Belgium.

When he gets to the airport, he realises his watch must have stop and he is running WAY late for his flight (to the home of Justine henin-hardenne and the awesome Spa-Francorchamps motor racing circuit). In his bid to quickly check in and board the flight, Norman's bag JUST brushed against the legs of josh & Seb, who were awaiting the arrival of the Fab Five (from "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy"). The bag incident caused all the bones in the loosers bodies to break, which killed them instantly,

"I killed posh josh & saddo Seb", said Norman's suitcase.

"You LEGENDS" replied a nearby baggage trolley.

Dani is livid that Norman has deserted her - and tells everyone that she's going to find, and marry, Norman if it's the last thing she ever does. Will Dani succeed in her quest?

Jaina works up to courage to tell Paris how she feels about him. Paris tells the dino teen that Hils is the only girl for him. Jaina then tells Paris some of the raunchy & very exciting sexual positions that are unique to the dino ppl (which can be slightly modified so a human can partake). Will this persuade Paris to, at the very least, have Jaina as his mistress?

Paris refuses to give in to Hyde, and Hils is a little peeved when it rains for the next 3 days. Paris then shows her that the rain was forecast a week ago. Hils checked the weather report for the next day. Both the newspaper and the TV news say that it will be a fine, HOT day in the bay tomorrow. The next morning, Hils wakes up and immediately looks out to window - to check the weather. Are the weather forecasts (fine and hot) correct, or has Hyde made it rain again?

Nobody seems to know what (the normal sized) silly scoot is talking about when he says things like "floss must have even made these plates (in the diner) massive" and "Jade, how do it feel being a giant?"

When Beth hears whet her silly son has been saying, he grabs a tape measure and tries to prove that silly Scott isn't a giant any more. Silly scoot quite likes the idea of being a giant and thinks the tape measure is now gigantic as well. Beth then punches silly scoot and knocks him out. When he awakes, silly scoot is VERY frightened, as it seems the bump on his head have scrambled his brain even further. Silly Scott now sees ppl & inanimate objects as the real sizes, but now ALL animals (including insects) are now 5 times their normal size. Can this be fixed with another wack on the head, or will Dr.superFlynn need to operate on silly Scott?

None if the locals seem to have taken any notice on max - even colleen - who, like that many tourists to the bay, think that max is a one of those ppl who perform as a "living statue". Indeed, many people put money is the hat, which fell off his head as he was beaten up. As more & more money in the cap (without being removed by the "performer" at the end of each day), will any one think that max is NOT acting, or will something steal the money instead?

Rikki, Henry, Tilly and Joe are actually eagerly reading the copies they took of a surprisingly not that interesting/clean cut diary belonging to one of the bay's supposedly more reckless (and raunchy) residents that the 4some "found". Whose diary are they reading, and will Tilly & Co. used the info against the diary's owner?

Date: 26/03/04 Author : JosieTash

292

The good and Godly Scotty P is summoned by the terrified residents of Summer Bay to fight the evil demon's black magic.He asks his brave brother Kane to help him and with Kane's bravery and Scotty P's wisdom and goodness the evil demon is destroyed and the bay residents restored to their ''normal'' selves. Floss is tried by Morag ,who appeared just as randomly as Floss, for witchcraft and a ducking stool is erected at the pond.Will Floss be found guilty of witchcraft??!!

The Beckham baby proves to be a false pregnancy and so Leah is relieved but also wants revenge on her sleazy brother...what cunning plan turns the whole Bay against Alexi??!!

Dani visits Kirsty and whines on and on about finding Norman and how everything affects her.Kirsty tells her she is a selfish self-obsessed drama queen and Kane and Fi fear that her 'truth illness' has not worn off. Then Hayley comes to the door to show Kirsty a hideous painting that she has done,Kirsty politely tells her how nice it is. Fi realises that Kirsty is returning to normal but that Dani was simply too annoying for tact and diplomacy.

Fi decides to throw a party to celebrate Kirsty's recovary,and all the guests enjoy themselves immensely.Little V.J ,playing outside,blew on a party blower and it uncurled touching Posh Josh who was gatecrashing the party. The shock of the noise of the blower and the gentle impact on his body was enough to kill the feeble tosser and he collapsed into the barbie where Saddo Seb was eyeing up the sausages.A tiny spark singed Saddo and the pain was too intense for the pathetic loser to withstand and he also collapsed onto the Barbie and died.

''We killed Saddo Seb and Posh Josh,'' said the party blower and the barbie.

''You LEGENDS'' said a sausage.

Norman's credit card was rejected as he tried to pay for his flight away from Summer Bay and Dani.Reluctantly he returned and accepted Fi's invitation to the party.There he tried his best to avoid Dani but she stalked him whining on about herself wherever she went.In desperation he told her that someone very unlikely in Summer Bay was wealthier than him,Dani immediately made a bee-line for this person....who is Dani persuing now and what will she do when she finds out Norman was lying??!!

Hils is relieved that the weather is bright and sunny and that Paris was right to call Hyde's bluff. But when she can't find Paris to tell him how much she loves and admires him she becomes worried. Jaicen cannot find Jaina ....is this a mere coincidence or is trouble afoot??!!

SuperFlynn decides that Scott H's brain is too small to operate on but that Kimmy may be able to get through to him with love and understanding....Hyde however sees this as an opportunity to get Kimmy to dump Scott H....what will Kimmy decide,and will Hayley notice how much better than her Kimmy looks in his hotpants and vest top??!!

Rikki,Henry,Tilly and Joe regularly steal the money that tourists throw into Max's hat , so no one misses him,until one day Colleen decides she needs his helpful advice on which hideous outfit to wear. Colleen searches and searches for her horrid little friend and walks past the 'living statue' several times.Will Colleen find the poisoned dwarf....or will she seek advice elsewhere??!!

The four teenagers are reading Rhys's ancient diary from his youth and are shocked to discover that his sporting prowess was not in Aussie rules football,but in a netball team for people of a nervous disposition. What will they do with this information and is it true??!!

Date: 27/03/04 Author : Wanda

[JosieTash]

i thought of the same thing (when i re-read the dani etc action) .... LOVe your measuring comments (partic in light of what happened to Ric in your Reborn) ... norman not motor race fan - I personally just like belgium in general because of Spa !!!

293

All the bay residents turn out to see if floss is a witch. When they dunk the stool into the pond for several minutes (enough time in which for floss to drown if she's not a witch) and then bring the stool back then surface, everything thinks that floss' lifeless body means that they killed an inncocent woman. kane in partic is distressed by this, but beth senses the things don't seem "right" - and she is correct, as floss has transferred her own "lifeforce" (soul) into the body of one of bay residents who watched her "die". Whose body hasd floss taken over? and will the beth and the others discover this info in time before floss can create more diabolic, dastardly demonic delimmas?

Greek Leah reveals to everyone (via her porable chalkboard) that her annoying brother always seemed to be such a "chick magnet" because he put a love potion into the diner food of whatever girl he wanted to "conquer" next. Initially, everyone is livid at greek leah (wondering whay she hadn't told them sooner), but she explained that she only just discovered her bro's evil secret. Vitraually everyone in town attends a meeting to decide how to get revenge on alexi. Lots of ppl have suggestions, and the methods are put to a vote. Alf annouces that they will solve the alex problem by .................

Follwoing her talk with Norman, Dani begins chasing after Danusia's bf Sammy - as mr shadbolt told her that 9 yr old sammy has invested very wisely in the stock market. Dani (being her completedly tactless self) cut it on sammy talking to danusia & immediately said "i've heard your filthy rich. If you dump her (D), and go out with me, i'll make it worth your while".

sammy responded by telling dani she's wrong about him being rich - and that he wouldn't go out with her if she was the last female on earth.

Dani was LIVID. she wanted revenge on norman for lieing to her RIGHT NOW, so she picked up a metal serving tray (from one of table at the party) and threw it straiught at norman's head. Just as the tray was getting really close to norman, josh & seb walked in front of him. The tray stuck them instead, and instantlky killed them.

"i killed posh josh & saddo seb", said the metal tray.

"you LEGEND" replied several nearby sasusage rolls.

Dani decided that Norman would still, have to "pay" for lieing to her, but she decided on a more subtle approach. what is dani palnning?

Hils is a little concerned that no one knows where Jaina or Paris are. Hils then searches everywhere from them - and is shocked when she sees Paris kissing Jaina. She runs off in tears, but what she doesn't know is that Paris was simpling taking his usual early morining bushwalk and had come across the unconscious Jaina (and was giving her mouth to mouth resuscitation). After reviving the female dino teen, and getting her to a hospital, Paris rtns home, when an angry hils is waiting from him. Will Hils believe the moutrh to moth story, and who tried to hurt Jaina (after DrSuperFlyyn discovered her injuries were no accident)?

Hyde desperately to tries to make kimmy see that the ppl outside the bay (and even some ppl oin the bay) don't understand his realtionship with silly scott, but the do-anything-hyde-tells-me-not to kimmy contimnues his raatioonship with beth's on - and even rtns silly scott to what-for-scoot h is normal.

Just as kimmy life appears to be going well again, hayley begins a secret vendetta against him. all kind of wierd, but verty superficial, things begin happening to him. Kimmy tries to ignore it but hayley steps up her campaign against him - but kimmy is still unswayed. Will Hayley be forced to openly, and violently, attack kimmy?

Colleen finally realises that max is the living statue. she knows she shouldn't interupt his "performance" but her outfit is (ahem) "a matter of life of death". after trying to get max from "performing" she finally checks his pulse. it's very weak. she turns him over and sees the blood his body have been covering. will she be able to get max some mediacal attention in time before he carks it?

The 4some decide to blackmail Rhys. Tilly (the group's spookeperson) says thaty unless that can have as many wild parties at the sutho/hunter place as they wish, they'll go to the media about rhys' (not so well known) sporting past. When Thys agrees to their demand, Rikki (without consulting the others) tells Rhys that she "spill the beans" if he doesn't agree to a further condition. What is rikki's demand? and will rhys agree?

Date: 27/03/04 Author : JosieTash

294

Floss's life - force has entered Hayley,she feels different and is convinced she now has the features of the hideous witch.She feels 'witchy' too and has been subtly trying out her witch's powers on Silly Scott Hunter ,figuring he is least likely to notice.

She also has a grudge against Alexi ,having been a victim of his love potion in the past.She decides that the only way to make him pay is to make the one person who loved him come back to the Bay and obsessively stalk him.So the head-shaking Brodie returned,and where ever Alexi went she followed him like a bad smell.Eventually Alexi fled the Bay to the remotest parts of the world , but still Brodie followed.Hayley cackled manically and rubbed her hands in glee at the success of her plan.

She now turned her attention to Irene,she had long resented the fact that Irene was always right , and since finding out about Irene and Noah,she felt herself becoming jealous and wanted her revenge....what will the witch Hayley do ??!!

Dani decided to sell Norman's precious book collection thus killing two birds with one stone....she would make Norman rich and remove his only interest in life ,thus forcing him to concentrate solely on her. The books fetch big bucks at auction ...but will Dani's plan succeed??!!

Hils loves Paris , but she has been hurt in the past and is not sure whether to trust him or not...superFlynn to the rescue...he talks to Hils and explains that Jaina had indeed been hurt,requiring medical attention. Hils is so relieved and rushes to find Paris at the school,but there she sees a shocking sight ...what is it??!!

The more Hyde tries to tell Kimmy that his relationship with the intellectually challenged Scott Hunter is a bad idea , the more determined Kimmy is to stay with him...but strange things are happening around Scott H (courtesy of Hayley's witchy powers) and the cowardly Kimmy is getting spooked....will Hayley succeed in breaking them up ...and will Scott H notice anything is amiss??!!

Colleen decides that despite Max's weak pulse she really hasn't got the time to go bothering Dr. Saunders about it since time is running out for her to choose her outfit for the over seventies bingo night. She goes to the diner to annoy everyone there with the big decision.....will anyone find Max....and will anyone care??!!

The other Bay residents are shocked that so many parties seem to be going on at the Sutho/Hunter place....Alf and Beth are particularly put out because it is disturbing their affair, but Rhys is adamant that the parties are to continue,and that Rikki should move into Tilly's room with her.Will Beth be able to find out the real reason behind the parties??!!

Kirsty Kane and their best mate Fi are supervising one of the parties and having a great time themselves,when a gust of wind blows over a paper cup, this falls onto Saddo Seb who is hiding under the table hoping to steal some scraps. The paper cup crushes his feeble bones , bounces off and strikes Posh Josh ,who was next to Saddo peering up girlies' skirsts and killed him also

''I killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb'' said the paper cup.

''You LEGEND!'' replied a paper plate.

Date: 27/03/04 Author : Wanda

295

Hayley is in the mood to be REALLY vengeful against Irene, so she uses her witchy powers to make Irene not only dump noah but fall in love with the mum to all’s worst enemy, Hyde. Worse still, Hayley has arranged it that although Irene KNOWS she still hates Hyde, she can’t stop her wanting to kiss (and do other things) with the evil SBH principal. Will anyone realise that Irene "with" Hyde against her will?

Dani thinks everything is going her way. Norman’s books are sold, and she thinks she now has all of his money to spend on herself. The prissy princess is then COMPLETELY distraught when Sally arrives at Norman’s place. It was she who used her secret millions to buy EVERY book at the auction (as an anonymous phone bidder). Norman is extremely grateful to Sally for doing such a thing, so her gives Miss Fetcher all money backs.

Dani HATES this, but then says to herself "Sally likes women as well. I’ll steal her off Gypsy, and all that money when he MINE again - like it should be". Will Dani’s "conquest" of Sally be a success? And, because of her kind actions, does Norman now also have feeling for the busty schoolteacher?

When Hils arrives at SBH, she sees the somewhat amazing sight of Robbie & UK burning every singe copy of EVERY harry potter novel that that can get their hands. Hils, like everyone, knows that Wanda’s daughter & Beth’s son are obsessed by the books about the adventurous of the bespectacled wizard. She wonders why such madness is occurring, so she asks UK Leah. What’s her response?

Kimmy is determined to defy his father, but when he says he’s going out on a date with silly Scott, Kimmy actually goes for a long walk on the nearby bushland. Luckily for Kimmy, EVERYONE (bar the under-Hayley’s-spell Irene) hates Hyde and lies to the SBH principal about what’s happening.

Thought all of this, silly Scot’s distinct lack of intellect keeps him believing that Kimmy is still his gf. Indeed, Beth’s eldest son waits 4 Kimmy on the beach (where Hyde’s son said they’d meet) for FIVE whole days!!!!!!!! Whist waiting, silly scoot kept on saying to himself "Kimie’s running a little late. I’ll wait just 10 minutes more". Will silly scoot finally work out that Kimmy isn’t going to show up? And will Hyde's discover that Kimmy & silly Scott has split up?

No one finds (no friends) max until (fellow losers) posh josh & saddo Seb are "drawn" to someone who is as pathetic as they are. Max sees the annoying duo, and is JUST able to move his arm enough to throw a couple of tiny nearby stones at the horrid pair. The tiny rocks EASILY shatter their week as water bones at the looser duo dies.

"I killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb," said the almost microscopic rocks.

"You LEGENDS" replied a nearby frill-neck lizard.

But will Max’s actions be his last? - tune in next time. Same Bay Time, Same Bay Channel.

Since Beth & Alf are both concerned about the parties, Alf urges Beth to sleep with Rhys. Mr Sutherland can’t believe how wonderfully kinky in bed Beth now is (all her new moves were taught to Beth by alf). When Rhys wants to make kinky love to Beth again, she says she will - if he tells her why there have been so many parties. Rhys can’t resist the sex and TOTALLY "spills the beans" about the kids’ blackmailing him about the whole netball thing. After Beth gets over the whole netball SHOCK (and begins to imagine Rhys "Kimmy-style" in a skirt), she storms into the latest party, and grabs the somewhat unsuspecting Tilly & Henry. Beth then hauls her kids off to their old farm and tries to summon the ghost of jack to well & truly punish them. Will he appear? And will Rikki and Joe own up to also being responsible for the parties/blackmailing Rhys?

Date: 29/03/04 Author : JosieTash

296

Hyde is somewhat bemused by Irene's advances,but is definitely enjoying the attention.He wonders why she is telling him she hates him,while kissing him and ripping his clothes off,but assumes it's some kind of kinky foreplay.

Irene wrestles between her ''urges'' and her feelings of complete dislike for the principal,but is surprised to discover that she is enjoying herself with him ....well after dopey Noah a bit of excitement goes a long way.

Noah however decides to stick his do-gooder nose in just when Irene decides that despite her utter contempt for Hyde she is enjoying herself for the first time in years and has come to terms with this strange relationship.Irene tells Noah to get stuffed and grow up, she is having FUN!!!!!

Will Noah heed Irene's warnings??!!

Sally is content with Gypsy as her lover and Flynn as her husband,--just as Flynn is happy with Angie as his dominatrix whilst remaining married to Sally. However cracks are starting to appear in this apparently idyllic open marriage ,and it's all Dani's fault.She plants the seed of doubt in all their minds , pretending to Gypsy that she is having an affair with Sally,pretending to Sally that she is with Gypsy and doing the same with Angie and Flynn.Dani engineers compromising situations ,ensuring each of them sees her in what appeear to be intimate embraces with the other people. She is overjoyed that they are soon arguing and quarrelling...''and it's all about ME!''...she simpers to herself ,rubbing her skinny hands in glee.Will Dani be found out...and how will it all end for the lovers??!!

UK Leah and Robbie have discovered Hayley's secret, they know that Floss's witchy powers lurk within the airhead blonde's inner soul,and they have realised that by studying the Harry Potter texts Hayley will gain insight into witchcraft which she will use for evil gains.Hils informs Paris and it is decided that kind and good Scotty P must be summoned from his meditations and charity works to help poor weak Hayley fight the witch within her.Hayley is scared,because whenever she looks in the mirror she sees the witch in her reflection..Will he be able to get through to the airhead bimbo??!!

Kind Kane takes pity on Silly Scott Hunter and gently tells him that Kimmy is not coming. When Silly Scott finally understands he bursts into tears and cries and cries. Fi and Kirsty try to comfort him (obviously while avoiding any physical contact), but in the end the only thing that cheers him up is the promise of a trip on Kane's boat....will Kane regret his kind actions??!!

Kimmy has found out from Henry about Rhys's NETBALL career ...infact EVERYONE knows ,since Alf found it so amusing that he naturally wanted to share the information with the whole of Summer Bay.Rhys is hiding ,deeply embarrassed , when Kimmy comes to see him. Kimmy is so turned on by the thought of Rhys in a netball skirt that he can hardly contain himself....what will happen between Rhys and Kimmy....and why is Shelley spying on her ex??!!

Beth and Alf have been so amused by the whole netball story that they did not notice Colleen's absence until some time later.....''she's probably with that little turd Max,'' said Beth fondly about her step-nephew.

''Strike me roan,haven't seen the little turd in an age'' answered Alf......will they find Max before it is too late ....and what is Colleen up to??!!

Tasha and Jade are planning a surprise for their lovely husband Mark. They want to show him how much they love him, but cannot agree on exactly what to do.Tasha sighs and leans against a tree, and a tiny nut is dislodged by the action. The nut falls to the ground and rolls down the slight gradient in the path.

Posh Josh and Saddo Seb are foraging for food when they both see the tiny nut. They both pounce on it at exactly the same time and collide. The small impact kills them both.

''I killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' said the tiny nut.

''You LEGEND!'' replied a shiny berry.

Whjat surprise do Tasha and Jade agree on ...and will Mark like it??!!

Joe and Rikki decide not to come clean about the parties ...well it's just not Joe's style, but instead they decide to rescue Henry and Matilda from their punishment and set off for the spooky Hunter farm....what do they encounter there??!!

Date: 29/03/04 Author : Wanda

297 (this chapter should sound V familiar - think 283)

Both Hyde & partic Irene are pleased that dopey Noah has stopped bothering them. Indeed, despite hating Hyde completely, Irene asks the SBH principal to marry her. She also says that go anywhere he wants on the honeymoon. Hyde adores this new Irene and emphatically agrees to get hitched. After the somewhat weird wedding (most baysiders can’t believe it when they heard the pair was getting hitched), Hyde & Irene arrive at their honeymoon location, which Hyde has kept a secret from Irene? Where are the newlyweds? And does Irene like, or hate, her hubby’s choice of location?

Dopey Noah, meanwhile, has taken Irene’s advice (to grow up) a little too literally. He has arranged surgery to make his lags (and therefore his body) made longer. When the numerous operations are complete, dopey Noah ends being a little over 2 meters tall. As dopey noah left the hospital (tom find Irene and tell her the goods news - hat he’s grown up), the world’s worst counsellor sees another bayside resident entering the non essential surgery ward of the medical facility. Who have dopey Noah seen? And why are they in hospital?

Whilst the "slightly" hotheaded Gypsy & Angie want everything to end, Sally & Dr SuperFlynn (alrady in a rather open realtionship) think they should think about everything rationally. Soon after they all realise 2 things - eveyone wants to get revange on sookky princess, and that they ALL want to be part of a super kinky 4some from now on.

SO after they "christened" their new situation with some wonderful sex (which flynn partic enjoyed - 3 girls to 1 guy), the 4some, at specifically timed intervals, went to Dani’s place and told her that they now want to be with only here.

Dani was REALLY pleased that everything was about HER again, until she came home the next day and found gypsy, sally, DrSuperFlynn & Angie involved in a unbelievably raunchy, HOT sex-filled 4some in her living room. How will Dani react to being "lied" to like this?

Floss’ spirit within Hayley tries to get her to run a mile when Saintly Scottie approaches, but Hayley, like everything else is in awe of Kane’s wonderful older bro and agrees to a one on one meditation session with saintly Scotty. This does this trick, as floss’ evil life-force flees the bimbo (rather the face to possibility of being transformed into a spirit if the side of good. Hayley is initially pleased to be her old self again, but then begins to think ppl only like her because of her looks/beauty routine. The bimbo sets about proving her point to by not showering, brushing her hair, cleaning her teeth etc. She says within the confines of the palace for a week, so she’ll be completely horrid looking etc when she ventures out for the first time. How will the other baysiders react to the new, grotty Hayley? And where has floss’ life-force gone to now?

Kane, despite being almost as serene & patient as his bro, can’t believe all the stupid things silly scoott does whilst they are on the Blaxland. Beth’s eldest son almost steers the boat into some jagged rocks, and he also damages lots of the safety equipment because he was bored. With a massive (once in a life time) storm approaching, will heroic, kind kane being able to repair the damaged safety equip AND prevent silly Scott from doing more damage?

Kimmy (in complete girl-mode), complete with the netball skirt he’s just bought "just knows" where the embarrassed Rhys is. It doesn’t shock Kimmy at all to discover that, in a small clearing deep in the bush, a skirted Rhys is playing netball (one o one with a quite skilled kangaroo). Kimmy thought about just watching Rhys at work but decides to show him instead. Rhys was initially shocked when Kimmy appears, but then little and realises a human opponent would be better than a kangaroo. So the 2 skirt wearing men played netball together, and when they both think they’d played enough netball for the time being, Rhys surprises Kimmy by kissing him. Kimmy eagerly kisses him back - and all the while, Shelley is watching them both. She was hoping to just sell the pics of Rhys playing netball by himself, but the kissing pics are SOOOOOOOOO much juicer. Will Rhys & Kimmy notice that Shelley is taken pics of them? And what will Rhys say when Kimmy wants them to sleep together?

Meanwhile, the kangaroo that Rhys shunned (in favour of playing netball with Kimmy) was in the mood to cause all humans some annoyance at the very least. The roo bounded into classrooms at the school. The mammal caused injury to several students and damage to many classroom & textbooks.

Once the still enraged kangaroo was done at the school, the animal saw posh josh & saddo Seb as it bounded down the road. The roo thought about killing the pathetic losers, but decided they are too easy to kill, so the animal decided to bound right over their heads, but the roo JUST touched the 2 idiots hair as it jumped over them. This was, however, enough to end the lives of the 2 morons.

"I killed posh josh & saddo Seb," said the kangaroo.

"You LEGEND", replied a nearby (lost) mobile phone.

This kanga realises it LOVES causing trouble for humans. What will it do next?

Colleen has decided she won’t leave her house for anyone or anything - she’s even constantly ringing pizza places (so they can deliver food to her etc). Why is colleen not leaving her house you ask? It’s because she thinks she killed (the JUST still alive) Max when she didn’t get DrSuperFlynn to check on the annoying runt recently. Will anyone discover what colleen is up to? And will they want to rescue Max from his current "home" (colleen’s closet)?

Both Jade & Tash know their hubby is a motor sports freak, so they arrange for Mark & themselves to travel to Europe for the upcoming Belgian F1 GP - which is held at one of Mark’s favourite motor racing circuits, Spa-Francorchamps.

As well as the trip, Tasha & Jade have also arranged at special surprise for their beloved hubby. What is it?

Henry & Tilly are in seriously ghoulish danger, as the ghost of jack has made LOTS of friends of the afterlives. The hunter twins try to keep their cool but it’s SOOOOOOO not easy. Jack knows he can’t punish Tilly & henry whilst they’re in the real world so he & his friends are trying to (literally) scare them to death.

When Joe & Rikki arrive at the farm, they realise they’ll need SERIOUS backup. After having to sprint away from the various ghouls & ghosts, Tilly & Co realise theta Rikki is the fastest runner. Henry’s gf then races into town to get Saintly Scotty AND the dino teens. Will Rikki and the reinforcements arrive in time before it’s too late for Tilly, Henry & Joe?

Date: 30/03/04 Author : JosieTash

[JosieTash]

Not sure if i'll be online tomorow - so here's more chapters for you all to enjoy (incl. the LANDMARK 300 !!!!)

298

Hyde has taken Irene on a tough character building outward bound course for their honey moon. Irene is NOT pleased,she was expecting to be spoilt rotten on a sundrenched beach not abseiling and rock climbing. She stubbornly refuses to join in any activities and embarrasses the uptight Hyde with her shows of displeasure.

Irene is surprised to see Paris and the superfit Hils at the outward bound centre, they are snogging passionately while abseiling down a cliff-face.Whilst impressed by their physical prowess Irene knows she would much rather be in a cosy bed with Hyde ...can she persuade him to change the honeymoon??!!

Dopey,skinny tall Noah sees Alf entering the surgery with Beth. At first he does not recognise Alf because he is totally bald,having removed his wig for the first time in a decade. He is coming for a hair transplant....will it be successful??!!

Dani is hopping mad at being tricked and deceived , the only good thing about it she thought was that it was all about ''ME''!! She vows to get revenge on the happy foursome ...what cunning plan has the spoilt princess come up with??!!

Floss's evil spirit sees the lifeless looking body of Max ,that no one has bothered about and enters him , the normally pathetic granny loving dwarf comes to life with an evil red glow in his eyes.Will anyone notice the sinister change in mad Max??!!

Our hero Kane battles bravely against the elements needing all of his superhuman strength and courage to steer a straight and true course through the terrible storm. He has had to tie Silly Scott Hunter up and chuck him below decks for his own safety and repair the damaged safety equipment all one handed as he was injured while battling the elements. But gritting his teeth against the pain and exhaustion our brave little sailor weathered the storm and entered the safety of Summer Bay to the rapturous wellcome of his many friends.

The crowd stampeded to greet him knocking Saddo Seb and Posh Josh over as they hurried to help their town hero. Saddo was crushed to death by the wheels of a baby buggy and as his lover went to help him the baby dropped a soft cuddly toy out of the buggy and Posh Josh was killed by the impact.

''We killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' said the baby buggy and cuddly toy.

''You LEGENDS,'' replied the baby's blanket.

In all the excitement will anyone remember that silly Scott H is tied up below decks??!!

Rhys hears a rustling in the bushes and sees someone running away. He is instantly mortified by his lack of self control and runs away embarrassed. Kimmy is left there feeling used and humiliated , a single tear drop falling from his eyes and his bottom lip quivering.

Will Rhys and Kimmy meet up again , and what will Shelley do with the photos??!!

The evil eyed mad Max decides to pay Colleen a visit...he is enraged that she did not help him, but pretends to be just as pathetic as normal...will Colleen suspect anything is up with her darling little Maxy??!!

Saintly Scotty P exorcises the ghostly demons and ghouls from the farm ,but decides that the ghost of Jack Hunter can remain and can be in human form for one hour in order to punish the wayward teens. Jack readily agrees to this as he has missed punishing the kids since his death.

How does Jack punish them??!!

Date: 31/03/04 Author : Wanda

299

Irene tries everything she can think of to persuade Hyde to change location etc. He eventually agrees to a secluded tropical island, but only if Irene at least tries to abseil. Irene reluctantly agrees, and attempts to abseil for the first time. As she slowly begins to begin to descent, Irene hurts her backside on a small ledge in the cliff that she wasn’t expecting to be there. Despite the pain, she continues abseiling. When she is half way down, Irene stops, as out of the corner of her an eye she can see Paris & Hils kidnapping Hyde. Irene wonders why, as no-one cares enough about Hyde to pay the ransom. Why are pairs & Hils kidnapping the SBH principal?

Everyone in the bay doesn’t believe dopey, tall Noah about alf - until Mr Stewart arrives at the diner with a guy Sebastian-type Afro hairdo. The ppl in the bay tell alf that love what he’s done with his hair, but several are lying. Whose hatred of the newly Afro’d Alf will attempt to kill him? And in which unique way will they try attempt to do it?

Dani tries to break up to the 4some by sending false e-mails/text messages saying that various members of the 4some don’t want it to continue. Dani is in heaven as her plan works better than she expected when Sally tells gypsy she no longer wants the redhead as her lover, and Flynn dumps Angie to concentrate on his marriage with Sally. Dani can’t believe it when Sally & Flynn begin to openly (verbally) fighting public. But are the actions of Sally & the other 3 just a big act (to get back at dani for her deception)? Or are sally & Flynn, Angie & Flynn AND Gypsy & sally REALLY over?

When mad max enterers the diner for the first time in ages (and orders the type of food he always does), he - because of floss’ witchy powers) can "hear" Greek Leah thinking "OMG that little runt isn’t dead or sick after all". Caitlin then enters the diner. She also can’t tell the difference, so she proceeds to tip an entire tub of mostly melted ice cream on his head (for no apparent reason other then he’s an annoying little moron).

When floss establishes that no one has realised that max have changed, she sets about on her mission - to "convince" everyone in the world to live like ppl did several thousand years ago (when modern man first appeared on the earth). She does things because she hates all technology in the world. Will Floss’ plan (through Max) succeed?

As soon as the huge crowds dissipate, Kane climbs back aboard the boat, and look below deck. He haven’t believe that silly Scott has, somehow, unties himself, and worse still, he has escaped - by cutting a hole in the hull of the Blaxland. Kirsty & Fi volunteer to find silly scoot, whilst kane fixed the damage Beth’s son has caused. As Kirsty searches in the water fro silly Scott, fi looks on land. Things aren’t looking good, until Kirsty finds Beth’s son, (underwater) doing something rather weird (even for silly scoot). What is it?

Shelley phones both Rhys & Kimmy. She thought about selling the pics of the kiss to newspapers everywhere - which might have led to Rhys’ former AFL star status to be somewhat tarnished - but Shelley decides on a dififfent plan. She (in person) tells Rhys & Kimmy that that can have all copies of the photos (and the negatives) if Kimmy gives darling (sooky, annoying) Dani ALL of his girls clothe. He also insists that all of Kimie’s girl’s clothes must now be approved and bought by her self obsessed daughter. Kimmy hates the idea - but REALLY likes Rhys. The two men talk after Shelley has left the room. Rhys tells Kimmy he ran off because he was scared that he had such feelings for another man (albeit one who dresses/acts like a woman). Rhys & Kimmy kiss again - and then Rhys tells Kimmy some dark secrets from Shelley’s past. What have rhs told Kimmy about Shelley? And will the new couple use this info against Rhys’ ex?

Colleen thinks something is a little askew with max, but thinks to herself that she might have caused the changes (by not getting him to a doctor sooner). Floss’ spirit (in Max’s body) then tests her anti technology etc spell on Colleen. Will it work?

Jack initially wanted to punish all 6 of the kids (incl. the dino teens). But saintly Scotty insisted he could only "discipline" Tilly & Henry. Jack began by tying the twins up and whipping them with a cat-of-nine tails - a brutal whip once used on the convicts sent to Australia from England etc). But then, Jack realised there was an even more horrid punishment he could inflict on Tilly & henry. What is it?

Jade, Mark & Tasha rtned from their fabulous holidays to Belgium. All didn’t want to keep affected by jetlag, so they found a nice, fun activity to keep their sleep routine etc normal. Each of the trio tried to find the most joyful way to end the lives of total losers josh & Seb (who were camped on the trio’s porch - eagerly awaiting their return, so they could watch the 3some in action).

Whilst Jade distracts the loosers, by walking about (doing everyday things) virtually without a skerrick of clothing on, Mark & Tasha put headphones on the "brain box" of both josh & Seb. Seb then cranked the stereo up to its maximum sound level, and then started playing REM’s "Shiny Happy People". The LOUD volume straight away destroyed the losers’ eardrums, which instantly killed the idiots.

"We killed posh josh & saddo Seb," said the REM song and the headphones.

"You LEGENDS", replied Tasha’s nearby 2 piece swimsuit.

After examining their handiwork, Jade, Mark & Tasha went back inside their house. When they did, the trio received a GIGANTIC shock. What is it?

Date: 31/03/04 Author : JosieTash

CHAPTER 300 !!!!!!

Hils and Paris have kidnapped Hyde mistakenly thinking that he has brainwashed Irene. Eventually he manages to convince his captors that he is just as bemused as they are as to why Irene should find the uptight headmaster attractive.Irene tells Hils that she just can't help herself , and Hils concurs that it's just the same with her and Paris ...love is blind,aaawwww!!!!!

Saddo Seb is extremely jealous of Alf's afro since his own gross hair now refuses to grow,he persuades his lover Posh Josh to help him rid Alf of his hair.

That night the pathetic duo sneak into Alf's bedroom with a pair of scissors each,intent on shearing those frizzy locks,but just as they approached Alf's sleeping form he lets out a little grunt. Petrified with fear the two weaklings run around with their arms flailing screaming at the top of their girly voices. Fortunately their noise was soon silenced by the two idiots running into each other and stabbing each other to death with their scissors.

''We killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' said the two pairs of scissors.

''You LEGENDS'' replied Alf's 'fro.

So Alf and his 'fro were able to enjoy a good nights sleep....or was someone else lurking around ready to damage the curly locks??!!

Sally,Flynn,Gypsy and Angie are laughing and congratulating themselves on fooling Dani , but someone is spying on them and reporting back to the crying diva....who is this??!!

The demon of Floss within Max thinks that it has succeeded in its technophobic quest to rid the world of computers and suchlike...but in reality Colleen is techno-illiterate and the demon has had no effect. Oblivious to this the little satanic moron Max thinks he has superpowers whereas the demon actually barely has the power to blow out a candle. Thinking he is all powerful Max proceeds to annoy Rhys,who is having a bad day due to the Kimmy dilemma. The normally even tempered Rhys throws Max against the wall and stamps on his head a few times....will Max figure out that his superpowers of evil are ****-weak??!!

Captain Kane easily repairs the boat ,despite his injuries, and is surprised when Kirsty informs him that Scott has made a new friend ....unfortunately it's a fish and so it died when Scott tried to take it home in his pocket...how will Fi,Kirsty and Kane comfort Scott and get him to stop crying??!!

Kimmy just cannot compromise his wardrobe ,and refuses to wear the slutty garments that Dani has chosen(despite looking far better than her in them!)so Shelley starts to tell him what she will do ...but Shelley is shocked when Kimmy interupts her revealing some dark secrets from her past....what happens next??!!

Jack gets bored with flogging the kids , it's all so same-o same-o, so he decides to emotionally torture them instead ...they each have to peform a good deed to a hated person in public ....they can choose from Max,Colleen ,Dani etc ...but they must do the deed in public....what will Tilly and Henry do??!!

Jade,Mark and Tasha are shocked to see Noah lying on the settee with .....who and what are they doing??!!

Date: 01/04/04 Author : Wanda

301

Because she loves Hyde so much, Irene begins to really love all the abseiling etc, and after a fantastic day of doing such activities together, Hyde & Irene get back to the hotel room and begin madly pashing each other. This leads to them making love to each fro the first time, but mid way through, the love spell on Irene is lifted, and she can’t believe she’s - YUCK - having sex with her worst enemy. What will the furious Irene do?

Hayley, having just had her hair done so it looks exactly like Marge Simpson’s blue beehive, hates Alf’s Afro and decided to do something about it. Hayley uses her feminie wiles to convince Alf that she is in love with him. After to new couple consummate their relationship, Hayley asks Alf to get rid of the Afro, Mr Stweart says he will (ditch his new do) if Hayley personally blows up the Sydney Opera House. Does Hayley hate Alf’s fro sooooo much that she is willing to destroy an Australian icon?

Max decides to test his powers. He ties a divers weight belt (with LOTS of lead in it) around his waste as he stands in the popular rock pool. Whilst everyone else (naturally) is ignoring they little runt, henry (who has been following max because of his father’s torturous punishment) see Max’s whole body go under the water. Max soon after realises that the demon inside him has no powers.

The nearby Henry knows that if he doesn’t rescue max, he won’t ever be bothered by the little runt again, but the thought of further torture by jack persuade henry to run to the rock pool and rescue max. Has henry done enough to prevent his dad from hurting him again? And how will floss’ spirit (still inside max) increase its demonic power?

After Tilly heard Dani whining about Gypsy and the others, Beth’s youngest daughter told sooky Dani she’d on the spy on o the 4some (as her good deed arrangement with jack). After telling dani every nasty thing sally and the others had to day, Tilly said she’d wait until dani arrived at Angie’s house before she made another move. This however wasn’t just Tilly being nice to dani, as Tilly then began to watch the 4some begin another hot, sexy love making session. She was doing so for at least 10 minutes before she told dani that the others were having sex again. Will the 4some making love change tactless dani plans in anyway? Has Tilly done a good enough deed to get Jack of the back? And having seen Gypsy, Sally, Flynn & Angie "going at it", will Tilly ask Joe to help her loose her virginity?

The businesses that KK & Fi are involved with (the Blaxland & the tennis ctr) as very profitable so they decide to buy silly Scott a very large fish tank, full on lots and lots of fish. Captain Kane, Cool Kirsty & their bestest friend Funky Fi tell silly scoot he have the MEHGA large fish tank if he promises no to take any of the friendly fish of the water. Silly Scoot love what KK & Fi have done so he stops crying and promises to do as they’ve asked. Will silly Scott be able to resist taking his fave fish out f the water? And what will KK & Fi do to silly Scott if he does break the rules?

Shelley can’t believe it when Kimmy said that he knows she isn’t the REAL Shelley (to cut a long story short, the woman we know as Shelley murdered the real Shelley just b4 she first met Rhys. Also, the imposter Shelley’s family is desperately looking for her, as she - real name Lorelei Wilkinson - is still listed as a missing person). Kimmy tells "Shelley" that Rhys only learnt her secret a day or two ago. Lorelei/Shelley begs Kimmy not to tell her secret, but doesn’t want to give him the photos of Rhys in a skirt kissing a transsexual. "Shelley" and Kimmy talk some more and they reach a compromise. What is it?

The married trio can’t believe that the incredibly sensible Beth is sitting on their coach beside dopey Noah. Both are scoffing ecstasy tablets as if they were smarties or M&M’s. Jade, Mark & Tasha aren’t surprised about Noah (except that he’s in their house) but the sight about Beth completely of her face is quite surprising. Jade & her spouses know that this will ruin Beth’s good reputation, so they try to keep her out of the public eye until the dugs are out of hear system. Will their plan work? Or is Beth now completely addicted to the drugs? And why was she hanging with Noah, taking drugs, in the first place?

Date: 01/04/04 Author : JosieTash

302

After the initial shock of finding herself in a compromising situation with Hyde wears off,the ever sensible Irene decides that she might as well make the most of the situation,after all she hasn't had sex since Paris and a woman has her needs. Irene finds that she is surprisingly turned on by Hyde and for the first time EVER doesn't have to fake it.In fact the sex is sooo good that Irene decides that she can put up with Hydes pompous ways , and anyway she can always try and loosen him up.Hyde also finds that sex with the free-speaking Irene is the best ever and the odd couple are reluctant to leave their room.

Paris and Hils are also spending a lot of time making love ,but finally manage to drag themselves out of bed. They decide to get Hyde and Irene to go rock climbing with them,the plan being that they would make love on top of the highest mountain.But danger lurks....has someone sabotagued their equipment and why??!!

Hayley,being blonde , despite the beehive hairdo,decides to blow up the Sydney Opera house.She sets off with her explosives ,and buys a ticket to an opera But before she has time to detonate the explosives she is thrown out of the Opera House for ''singing along'',her voice being particularly unbearable.

She then starts to panic about the consequences of leaving the explosives behind,she has only just realised that people might be injured in the blast.

Luckily our hero Kane and his lovely wife Kirsty ,who are great lovers of culture were attending the same concert. Hayley saw them in the foyer and told Kane her ''little problem''.Brave Kane immediately had the building evacuated and went to defuse the bomb....will he be in time to save the Sydney Opera house??!!

Having saved the demonic runt Max ,Henry meets up with Tilly ,who tells him about her good deed. They go with Rikki and Joe to see the ghost of Jack. Jack is impressed with their efforts but gives them a good old fashioned whipping anyway just for kicks and then tells them that they must now further redeem them selves....what task has Jack set them??!!

On the way back to Summer Bay Joe asks Tilly why she doesn't seem bothered by Jack's behaviour and she tells him the Hunter family secret ....all the Hunters are into S&M ,Joe is shocked especially since Beth always seemed so boring. When Tilly suggests to Joe that they may like to take their relationship further he is naturally worried , after all he's not into pain at all , so will Tilly break with family tradition and consummate the relationship with no bondage,whips or chains??!!

As they turn the corner they see Posh Josh and Saddo Seb snogging under a tree. Rikki remembers that yesterday no one could be bothered to kill the pathetic duo as everyone had far more important things to do.She reminds her friends that although it is a chore , someone really ought to kill them today and so the kids throw a few pebbles half-hearedly at the miserable pair of losers. A couple of pebbles gently hits them ,killing their feeble weak bodies instantly.

''We killed Saddo Seb and Posh Josh,'' said the pebbles.

''You LEGENDS!'' replied an ant.

Whilst Kirsty and Kane are in the city at the opera kind Fi agrees to ''baby-sit'' Silly Scott Hunter,to prevent him taking the fish out of the water ...but soon this becomes the least of her problems ...why has Dani called round??!!

Shelley agrees to keep Rhys and Kimmy's affair a secret so long as he tells no one of her true identity , but under the condition that firstly she can watch them and secondly that she has Rhys every other day to herself....will Rhys agree to the deal struck by Kimmy and Shelley??!!

Beth had introduced Noah to the seedy world of S&M and he has introduced her to drugs ...can our lovely married trio of Mark,Jade and Tashaconvince them of the error of their ways??!!

Date: 03/04/04 Author : Wanda

[JosieTash]

SOOOOOO glad that you continue to enojoy all our mad cap tales, and i too REALLY got a laugh when wanda pointed out that i'd not had anyone/thing killed th 2 loosers in 301 !!!!

303

Dino teen Jaina hates that Paris stayed with Hils when he could have been with her, so she ever so slightly frays the climbling ropes of not only Paris & hils but Hyde & Irene as well.

The 4 climbers eagerly climb up Mount Everest, not knowing what Jaina has done. Hyde and the others get really close to the top when all their ropes break. The 4 are dangling on the side of the huge mountain (held from falling by only the toe spikes etc on their boots) hoping that a miracle will happen and they be saved. Not helping the situation is that they were in such a rush (to make love at the top of the world) that none of the 4 told anybody of the plans. Is this the end for Hyde, Irene, Paris & Hils?

Heroic Kane finds the explosives and is just able to cut the red (correct) wire in time so they won't explode. Whilst Hayley is congratulating Kane for saving her from doing such a silly thing, Kristy notices that the world's spider is on Kane’s shoulder. The spider is JUST able to bite Kane before he is able to get to it. The poison courses through his veins, and not even ilvunerable Kane can stop it from affecting him and he collapses. Blonde bimbo Hayley doesn't know how to revive him, and Kristy knows that an ambulance will be too long to get to her beloved. Will KK's love for each other be enough that Kristy can give Kane the kiss of life?

Whilst Hayley vows, if Kane survives, to repay him for risking his life for her. What will the blonde do?

Jack tells Tilly & Henry that they mustn't make any smart remarks to ANYONE (even the likes of max & colleen). If they do so, he will use his ghostly powers to permanently "zip" their mouths shut. Both hunter twins know it will be a hard thing to obey, but agree. When they get back to the van park, Colleen is being her usual annoying self. Henry & Tilly SOOOOOO want to tell her off but can't. They soon realize that the twin ESP thing has (finally) kicked in, and Henry can "hear" Tilly's insulting thoughts about Dani, and vice versa. Will their ghostly father see this as not fulfilling the task he set them?

Tilly knows that she loves Joe, but she also likes the idea of having bondage etc involved when she looses her virginity. She asks Joe one more time, but he says no. Tilly then (as kindly as you can) dumps Joe and sets out to find a new partner -a person willing have the pain and well as the pleasure. Tilly approaches someone who she thinks might be willing. Who is it - and is Tilly planning on her time being with a guy or a girl?

Dani has come to the KK house because no one is paying any attention to her (heaven forbid).

The eldest sutho daughter demands to see Kane and she wishes to (for the trillionth time) tell him that she ruin her life. Despite Fi telling Dani that Kane wasn't home, Dani thinks that she lying. To get rid of Dani as soon as possible, Fi agrees to dame’s request to search the whole house for Kane. Dani (naturally) doesn't find Fi's bestest friend, but she does find something rather unusual in Fi's wardrobe. What is it?, and has Silly Scott been able to get to the fish whilst Fi has been distracted by the sooky, prissy princess otherwise known as Dani?

Rhys loves having the best of both worlds - being all manly with Shelley one day, and girly the next with Kimmy (as Rhys REALLY loves wearing his netball skirt).

As the trio talk, they can sense that someone is watching them. Saddo Seb & Posh Josh try to run away when they are discovered, but Kimmy & Rhys easily catch up to them. Shelley then decapitates them with the Stanley knife she always keeps on her purse. The 2 losers die instantly.

"I killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb," said the Stanley knife.

"You LEGEND", replied Shelley's right knee.

The woman formerly known as Lorelei then REALLY enjoys it as Kimmy & Rhys use Posh & Saddo's decapitated heads, for a little while, at netballs.

Mark, Jade & Tasha don’t think the S&M is so bad - indeed, the married trio enjoy watching the bondage involved sex between Noah & Beth - but they HATE all the drug use, so when Beth & Noah are asleep, Tasha & her spouses hide all the bondage gear, and contact all the adult shops in the whole world instructing them not to sell any S&M gear to Noah or Beth. After all the sex shops have agreed, Beth & Noah awake from their slumber.

Mark tells them, that if they don't give up drugs altogether, they'll be no more bondage fun for either Noah or Beth EVER again. What will the Bay's latest love match choose - the drugs or the S&M involved sex?

Date: 03/04/04 Author : JosieTash

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Luckily for Paris and Hils, and Irene and Hyde , the saintly Scotty P was meditating on the summit of mount everest ,hoping for a quiet retreat. His meditation is disturbed by their screaming, he concentrates his will power and sends them the strength to climb up to him. They all feel a sudden surge of energy sent to them by Saintly Scotty P's positive thinking and join him on top of the mountain. He tells them that he was watching their progress with his third eye and that Jaina had sabotagued their climbing gear. They all climb back down, and with Saintly Scotty P acting as mediator they confront Jaina...what will happen next??!!

Kane is lying deathly pale and still , his breathing coming in shallow rasps, Kirsty knows he cannot last much longer as the deadly venom races through his body. She kisses him passionately and feels his hand move to clutch hers. She kisses him again and his eyes flicker open as his love for Kirsty brings him back from the brink of death, every atom of his body courageously fighting against the deadly venom.

''Kirsty,I love you,'' he manages to say , even though he is fighting for his life.

''I love you too, '' Kirsty replies.

Kane slowly recovers full consciousness and insists on going home rather than bothering the busy doctors at the hospital. This means that Hayley will have to drive them home since Kane is still too weak....is getting in a car with Hayley a wise decision??!!

Jack sends ghostly thought messages to Tilly and Henry warning them that although they have not yet been tempted to be smart to Colleen, Max , etc, that he is watching their every move. How will this pressure affect them??!!

Tilly bumps into a new boy in the Bay called Duncan. She is instantly drawn to this evil creature , and is surprised to discover that this spawn of satan is in fact Alf's son. She feels that with evil Duncan the S&M won't be a problem....is she right??!!

Dani finds Silly Scott Hunter hiding in Fi's wardrobe clutching his fish, which naturally has died.

''My fishy is dead,'' sobs Silly Scott.

''But what about ME!! What has your stupid fish got to do with ME!! I am the only one allowed to cry , you haven't suffered like ME!!'' shouted Dani,causing Silly Scott to cry even more. Poor Fi didn't know what to do . Just then she heard the doorbell ....who has come visiting at such an inopportune moment??!!

Beth is happy to give up drugs in order to continue her bondage regime with her toyboy Noah, but Noah knows that without the drugs his non-existent personality would kick in. He is frantically searching the garden,having looked all over the house for the drugs, when he sees Saddo Seb and Posh Josh kissing under a gum tree.He is in a bad mood, coming down off the drugs so he decides to make himself feel better by killing the pathetic pair. He runs up to them,well saunters actually ,after all this is Noah and slaps them both around. They die from the girly slaps.

''I just killed Saddo Seb and Posh Josh,'' said Noah.

''You LEGEND,'' replied the gum tree.

Kimmy and Rhys are playing at ''netballers in love'' when poisoned dwarf Max stumbles upon them....what explaination does Uncle Rhys come up with and does the moronic Max believe it??!!

Date: 05/04/04 Author : Wanda

305

Irene, her new lover Hyde, Paris demand that Jaina should be punished from her crime of passion, but Hils was more understanding of why Jaina did what she did. Hyde suggests that Jaina should be turned completely into a t-rex - and be caged in a zoo for what she did, but Irene, Paris & Hils thinks this is too harsh. Jaina feels very remorseful and says she will agree to whatever punishment saintly Scotty and the others give her. Hils then comes up with a rather intriguing way for Jaina to pay for her crime of passion. What is it?

Hayley knows she promised to do anything for kane if he survived, by she wasn’t sure of driving him & Kirsty home - as no one had been in a car with her since the crash of her pink VW. Kane, despite the pain, insisted to Hayley that he knew she could get the home safely. Instilled with this new confidence, Healy began the drive home - and they arrived back at the bay without a scratch.

Hayley gives kane what he thinks is a thank you kiss, but in reality, Hayley is now deeply infatuated with Kane. She wants him for herself, and won’t stop until she is Kane’s wife. Hayley plans to kill Kirsty. How will the blonde bimbo attempt to do away with Kane’s beloved?

The pressure of ghostly Jack being "on their back" effects the twins in very different ways. Henry surprises all by becoming the most studious, courteous (boring) kid of the entire, but no one worries because at least he’s not scamming everyone like usual.

Tilly, however, goes completely the other way to henry. The anguish jack has placed on her made henry’s twin want to be badder than ever. As soon as Tilly meets Duncan, she asks if he wants to sleep with her. Alf’s son LOVES how upfront (and kinky) Tilly is and instantly agrees to her request. The pair goes to bondage central of summer bay (the old hunter farm). Ghostly Jack rapturously loved the affect he’s had on Tilly - and can she that she must have been spying on him & Beth making love, given Tilly’s already quite excellent S&M skills.

What Tilly & Duncan don’t know is that the new owner of the farm is inspecting their new acquisition. Who is it? And will they new owner find Tilly & Duncan whilst their in the middle of the bondage filled roll in the hay?

As Fi is trying to calm Silly Scott down, and trying her best to completely ignoring Dani (who was "crying Wolf" AGAIN), when Posh Josh & Saddo Seb came to her door. When Fi saw that it was JUST the 2 big losers, she told them to wait just outside the door. Whilst they were waiting Fi climbs on the roof and then up a recently broken beyond repair TV at the lovesick wimps. They died instantly.

"I killed posh josh & saddo Seb," said they TV

"You LEGEND", replied the garden in KK’s front yard.

No that the josh-Seb problem id solve, Fi come up with a great solution for both the silly scoot and the Dani problem. What’s KK’s bestest friend’s plan?

Beth pleads with Jade, mark & Tasha to let Noah have just a little bit of drugs each day (as he is GREAT "in the sack" when he’s high). The married trio agrees to Beth’s request. They will provide Noah with just enough drugs each day to get him high, if Beth does something very special for Tasha. Mark & Jade ask Beth to help their spouse with a brilliant, yet dangerous idea. What’s Tasha’s big plan? And will Beth help?

Rhys stammers for an explanation before he says that he is helping Kimmy learn his lines etc for the Bay theatre company’s latest products. Max wonders why Rhys has a netball skirt on and Kimmy says that the characters whose lines Rhys is reading is a girl - who fall for another girl, and the pair met when they joined the same netball team. Kimmy then responded to Max’s question about when they paly begin its season with, in a girly voice, "two weeks form tomorrow".

As Max then went away happy with their answers he said, "I’ll be there for opening night". What will Kimmy & Rhys do now - as the play Kimmy’s in has nothing to do with netball, or a girl/girl relationship?

Pammy’s been pretty quiet of late, so Wanda & Danusia decide to investigate what happening in their great friend’sworld. What do they discover?

Date: 05/04/04 Author : JosieTash

306

Jaina is sent to meditate upon her sins on top of Everest for the next hundred years , which isn't very long for the dinosaur people , and to come down only when fully redeemed ....will she agree to this punishment??!!

Hayley continues following hero Kane around and he is now finding it a bit disruptive and annoying.Whenever he turns around there is Hayley smiling at him,licking her lips , undoing her buttons. He asks what she wants ,but she just replies ''You, all I want is you.''

Kane tells her repeatedly that he is happily married but Hayley just can't stop obsessing about him.She decides that her only hope is to kill Kirsty. She waits outside the KK house for Kirsty to come out and as she sees her crossing the road she revs her car engine and aims straight for her, thinking that she can always use the old ''I thought it was a kangaroo'' excuse. Just as the car is about to hit Kirsty , her bestest friend Fi shouts out a warning ,and Kirsty flings herself out of the way.Hayley carries on at full speed making her get-away,as she turns the corner she hits something .She glances in her rear-view mirror ,but seeing that it is only Saddo Seb she hit she is not concerned.She then stops and reverses the car over Posh Josh who is crying like a big girl's blouse over his lover's dead body. Posh Josh dies as Hayley's car squishes him to death.

''I killed Saddo Seb and Posh Josh'', said Hayley's car.

''You LEGEND!''replied a kangaroo.

Will Hayley try to kill Kirsty again??!!

Henry is now nearly as friendless as Max , and Rikki does not like this personality change at all. She distracts Henry from his homework with a passionate kiss and Jack's hold over him is broken.They decide to help Tilly break the curse of Jack Hunter too, and are surprised when she declines their offer of help. Tilly is enjoying kinky sex with Duncan far too much to want to give it up and she enjoys Jack watching.But Tilly does not know that Kit has bought the farm.....what will Tilly's sister think of all this??!!

Fi tells Silly Scott that Dani really likes him and that he must follow her around everywhere agreeing with everything she says and calling her his princess.Fi told him that if he does this she will buy him a brand new fish. Silly Scott agrees and tells Dani she is a princess and to tell him all about herself.

Fi wisely sugests that they do this elsewhere and off they go.....three hours later and Dani is still telling Scott ''All about ME!'',but is the reward of a fish enough to stop him from running away from the nauseating drivel she is spouting??!!

Beth must convincee Angie to accept Tasha as her daughter and do mother daughter things together which they missed out on ,due to everyone thinking Angie was dead. Beth is wary of getting involved with the unpredictable Angie ,not knowing if she was having a good or evil day made this tricky.But Beth really wants Noah to have some drugs as the personalityless Noah was grating on her nerves and ruining her sex life,so she agreed. What will Angie's response be??!!

Moronic Max and the demon within him believe Rhys's explanation , but now Rhys and Kimmy must make sure the poisoned dwarf does not get hold of any tickets ...how will they manage this??!!

Wanda and Danusia find Pammy and are shocked to see her in the arms of....??!!

Date: 07/04/04 Author : Wanda

307

The others are rather surprises when Jaina totally agrees when the punishment. Just before saintly Scotty ensures that she will stay ahead Mount Everest, Jaina let out this loud (virtually totally dinosaur like) scream/growl. Virtually everyone in the world heard this loud noise, incl. The one person it was intended for – the sexiest of the dino ppl females, Misato. The HOT dino babe followed Jaina's instructions – to go to Summer Bay, and cause havoc with various relationships, esp. Paris & Hils. <?

When Hils & the other 3 arrived back in the BAY, the uber sexy Misato started flirting with Paris. Will Jaina get her revenge by her DDG friend busting out Hils & Mr Burnett?<

Hayley decides not to rest until Kirsty is out of the picture, even if that means that KKM merely split up. Hayley decides to sneak inside that KK house late at night. She knew KK were both pretty heavy sleepers, so she puts headphones over both their ears and began playing a tape message over and over to both of then. Kirsty said “you DESPISE kaneâ€, and on the tape Hayley plated to Kane the msg said, “you hate Kirsty, and LOVE Hayleyâ€. Will the blonde’s fiendish plan split KK up? And bring her & Kane together?<

When Prime Minister Kit sees her under aged sister and Duncan involved in some serious bondage themed sex; she is caught in two minds. She, like ghost jack and the rest if the Hunters are WAY into S&M and Kit likes watching his sister hard at it. But she knows that she is a woman of such high standing, than her political enemies will use the knowledge that she eagerly watched an under aged girl having sex against her. Kit thinks about raising a law to lower the age of consent, but believes this will be seen as nepotism. How will Kit, the well-loved and respected Prime Minister of Australia deal with this problem?<

When Dani stops talking about herself to eat a tiny morsel of food, Silly Scott went to Fi’s place. He demanded the she buys him a new fish any time he requests. If Fi doesn’t comply silly Scott won’t keep agreeing with everything Dani says etc. This however proves to be somewhat of a problem as soon virtually all the aquariums is Australia are empty of fish, because dani can, of course, talk the hind leg off a donkey about her fave subject (herself. Fi realises the much of your personal fortune will be eaten up if she keep on importing fishies for silly Scott. Suddenly, an amazing plan pops into Fi’s head. What is it?<o

Angie says no to Beth’s request – Miss Russell adds that she doesn’t care even a little about Tasha. Beth is determined though and asks agsin the next day. Angie is a lot her response and agrees to the Tasha plan. Beth is pleased (more sex with the drugged up Noah) but is very wary of Angie. <

Angie arrives at the jade/mark/Tasha house the next day. Tasha is pleasantly surprised being by Jade & the others have done for her. Angie is quite surprised when Tasha insists on beginning their (sped up) mother daughter bonding as if she is a 5-year-old. Angie agrees and the bonding takes place over a period of 12 weeks (1 week fro each year – 5 yr old toddler – the 17 yr old young woman). Will the new Tasha be a good girl, or has Angie trained her to be is wickedly conniving as herself? And what will Jade & Mark think of their spouse now?<

Rhys & Kimmy take advantage of Max’s height (or lack thereof). When he goes to buy tickets, (like at fun parks) there’s a sign saying, “If not taller than this height, you can’t attend playâ€. Max however is desperate to see the play, and cuts a deal with someone unexpected to buy a ticket for him AND smuggle him inside the threatre on opening night. Who is helping Max? And what do they want in rtn for helping the poison dwarf?<o

Posh Josh & Saddo Seb are being as nauseating as ever as they kiss and cuddle in the diner. VJ *having been brought to work by his mummy Greek Leah, decides that something must be done. VJ the starts crying, and Leah walks about the diner tying to comfort him. When mother & child are near the 2 lossers’ table, VJ (appropriately) vomits on them. This causes the 2 lovebirds to instantly die.<o

“I killed posh josh & saddo Seb,†said VJ’s vomit.<

“You LEGENDâ€, said VJ’s VERY proud mother, Greek Leah.<o>

Wanda & her daughter can’t believe it when they catch Pammy & Mark in a compromising position. They thought Mark loved his 2 wives. Both Mark & Pammy insist that nothing is going on, and that they both just fell over (Pammy landed on top of Mark). Will Danusia & Wanda believe their goods friends? Or will they tell Jade & Tasha what’s happened?<

Date: 07/04/04 Author : JosieTash

[JosieTash]

The Phoenix, glad you're enjoying all these CLASSIC monents - and don't you just love how easy that Dani is to lampoon !!!!

belgshep, totally agree that netball\heads moment is PRICELESS ..... and LOVE your comments about THAT compromising position that myself & Pammy were in - read below for more !!!

308

The all-wise Scotty P knows what Jaina has planned and is disappointed in her.He tells her that everyone in Summer Bay has been warned against her friend and that they will not succumb.Indeed Paris gives her short shrift and tells her that Hils is the only one for him,and all the other couples follow suit. Except Saddo Seb and Posh Josh who cannot believe that Misato is coming on to them. However they both simultaneously prematurely ejaculate,hyperventilate and die of shock.

''I killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb ,'' said Misato.

''You LEGEND!'' replied Seb's stained underpants.

Jaina pleads with Saintly Scotty P to give her a chance to make things right and show the residents of Summer Bay that they can trust her. She agreed to send her friend away and to spend her time thinking good thoughts and doing good deeds , but is she really to be believed??!!

Kirsty and Kane's love for each other is so strong that Hayley's plot had no effect on them,however it did make them realise just how obsessed she is. They decide along with their best friend Fi that Hayley's obession with Kane is only matched by Scott's obsession with fish,if they could somehow get Scott and Hayley to obsess about each other then they would have killed two birds with one stone.So they tell Scott that Hayley is a mermaid but a wicked witch cast a spell (Floss) so she has legs now instead of a tail.And they told the blonde Bimbo that Scott was Kane's identical twin separated at birth ,even though they don't look alike.....and Scott being stupid and Hayley being a bimbo ,they both believed the wild stories and began obsessing about each other. Soon they were always seen together ,and they looked very happy.

Dani however was seething , she hadn't finished telling Scott all about ''ME!!!'' and was not pleased at all....what will Dani do??!!

Kit tells Tilly that her behaviour will not be tollerated ...Jack overhears ....who does Jack help??!!

Noah bumped into Duncan and scored a heap of drugs from him,Beth is relieved since she was feeling particularly horny ,but Noah walks straight past her ...what is going on??!!

Tasha makes Angie come to the park with her and push her on the swings as they act out her 5 year old persona....at first Angie is amenable but after a few minutes evil Angie takes over and starts to swing Tasha higher and higher and higher .....Tasha is in danger ,can anyone help her??!!

Hyde has bought a ticket to see his son Kimmy in the play and gladly buys one for Max as he is very proud of Kimmy and wants to bore the pants off someone during the play ,Irene having better things to do that evening.At the end of the play Max asks Hyde why there was no netball in the play ....Mr Hyde reasonable man that he is gives him detention for a week and litter duty for a month for asking such a stupid question ,since when did Shakespeare feature netball in his plays!!!!!!

Max is puzzled and goes to ask Uncle Rhys .,...what does Rhys tell him??!!

Wanda and Danusia know that Mark and Pammy would not lie and they all laugh about the funny way it looked ...but one of Mark's wives is not amused ...who and why??!!

Date: 08/04/04 Author : Wanda

309

Despite the protest of several Bay residents (esp. Colleen) Saintly Scotty thinks that Jaina can be a useful, well behaved member of society. Jaina indeed it very helpful to lots of ppl, and is partic polite and apologetic to Hils. But the next morning, the love of Paris’ life is shocked when her prized garden of lovely flowers have been ruined – and the LOTS of big dino footprints about. Hils doesn’t to think Jaina did it, but decides to confront the dino teen. Jaina insists that she didn’t do it, and saintly Scotty p tells everyone that he thinks she is being genuine. Ppl then begin to suspect that Colleen, or even Hils, tried to frame Jaina, but Saintly Scotty senses that the culprit is someone other than these two. Who is it?

Dani realises the only way she can start telling silly scoot “all about ME†is to convince his that she herself is a mermaid. Silly scoot is a little sceptical and asks dani to prove she is in mermaid, ie if she doesn’t grow a tail, he’ll know she’s lying to him (again). Both go to rock pool, and Dani reluctantly dives in the water. Dani herself can’t believe it when she suddenly appears to be a mermaid – tail and all – but she keeps her cool (doesn’t let on that it’s a surprise). Dani loves it when silly Scott says he will listen to her go on and on and on about herself – if she remains in the water whilst doing so.

Meanwhile, Hayley hates that her supposed best friend dani has stolen silly Scott from her, and plans revenge against both of the new lovebirds. What Hayley’s plan? And is there someone responsible for Dani turning it a mermaid?

Ghostly Jack insisted that he will only stop encouraging Tilly to have under aged sex, if Prime Minister Kit herself agrees to (instead) get hot & heavy (bondage style) with a world leader of jack’s choice. Will Kit agree? And whom does Jack (leader wise) have in mind?>

Because the drugs that Noah got were created by Duncan himself, Noah has turned as evil as Alf’s son – so he doesn’t care about such silly things as sex. Everybody is the bay is stunned when they saw live pictures of Noah on a 1 man rampage in the city – smashing windows, setting fire to cars. Beth is partic knows that Noah couldn’t get this way without drugs. Will she discover who gave Noah the illegal substances? And just how long with Noahs rampage continues, ie how many drugs did Duncan give him?

As Angie seems to want the swing Tasha into the stratosphere, KK and great friend Fi enter the park with Kaleb & Kennedy (KK’s offspring). Kane sees what Angie is doing. He thinks about tackling Angie herself but instead decides to yell out to Miss Andrews, “Tasha, if you jump from the swing, I’ll catch youâ€.

Jade & Mark’s spouse replied “OK good friend. Get ready I’m about to jumpâ€

At this point, whilst Kirsty looked after her twins, Fi stopped Angie from interfering by crash tackling the spiteful woman.

Tasha then jumped from the swing, and kane caught her in his big strong arms. Kirsty’s soulmate then over balanced a little causing him to fall (with Tasha still in his arms).

Nearby, posh josh & saddo Seb were sitting beneath a banana tree, and the thud made by kane falling causes a bunch of little bananas to fall from the tree and hit the 2 lossers, which fatally wounded them.<o:p></o:p>

“I killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb,†said the bunch of bananas.

“You Legend†replied the swing Tasha had been on.<

KK, the twins & Fi then took Tasha home. Kane thought that the acting like of a teenager again Tasha seemed a bit weird, but didn’t say anything as he thought the jump from the swing was affecting her. Jade thanked KK and Fi fro saving Tasha from the evil Miss Russell.<

Rhys decided to come clean to max about his love for both netball and partic Kimmy. Rhys is completely surprised when the poison dwarf says “Great, I’ll have a mum again. When are you guys getting marriedâ€. How will both Rhys and Kimmy respond to the little runt reaction?<

When Mark arrives at home (with her good friends Pammy, Wanda & Danusia), he instantly tells both Jade & Tasha happened. Jade seems cool and can see the funny side, but Tasha is outraged. She thinks there wasn’t a fall at all – she thinks Mark is having an affair with Pammy. Kane suspects it’s because of Tasha being around Angie too much lately, but Mark & Jade aren’t so sure. Why is Tasha suspicious? And will Mark be able to convince her that nothing is going between he & Pammy (which there isn’t)?

Date: 08/04/04 Author : JosieTash

310

Saintly Scotty P meditates and sees a vision of the poison dwarf Max wearing some huge toy dinosaur feet (the sort a small child would play with,but retarded 14 year old Max,obviously likes toys like this too). But why did Max do it ....is his gripe against Paris,Hils or Jaina??!!

Dani's will power is so strong that her need to be the centre of attention has made Silly Scott Hunter actually see a mermaids tail. Hayley tries to do the same ,but being blonde her powers of concentration are limited and Silly Scott does not see a mermaids tail on Hayley. Hayley is livid and vows her revenge on her scheming selfish friend ...what will the bimbo of limited intelligence do??!!

Jack decides that Kit must sleep with the infamous Colonel Gadaffi,this goes against all her principles and despite the PM of UK ,Tony Blair having no such morals she refuses.....can Kit get through to Tilly herself and defy Jack to stop her kinky sex with evil Duncan the toad boy??!!

Beth goes to her old flame Alf and tells him of Duncan's activities. She knows about the drugs he gave to Noah and also the S&M with Tilly which Kit told her about.....will Alf help Beth and deal with his evil son??!!

Rhys had hoped that news of his affair with Kimmy would cause Max to run away from home ,but Max's approval has both him and Kimmy stumped.They decide to find another way to get rid of Max ....what do they do??!!

Tasha will not listen to reason , she insists that Mark finds Pammy attractive ....then she is calm and laughs about it ....then switches back. Her spouses and friends decide that evil Angie's influence has given her a dual persona just like her mother. Whilst in the midst of a temper tantrum Tasha hears rustling in a nearby bush,she goes to investigate and discovers Saddo Seb and Posh Josh cowering there cringing and pleading for mercy.Tasha is annoyed enough already but the site of the two losers enrages her further and she rips their sad heads from their bodies and kicks them around the garden.

''I killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' said the now calm Tasha,who seemed to be cured by this violent act of the mean spirit of Angie.

''You LEGEND,'' replied her friends and spouses, all relieved that everything appeared back to normal.

Jade and Mark hugged Tasha ,Pammy ,Jesse and Wanda hugged and Fi and her two bestest friends Kirsty and Kane hugged.Every one was happy ....but is this change just temporary??!!

Date: 09/04/04 Author : Wanda

311

Saintly Scotty P asks Constable Corelli to help him discover the truth about the Max situation. Pia discovers that moron Max wrote an unauthorised biography on Hils’ life and had asked her to pay him thousands of dollars for doing so. When Hils refused to pay the money hungry little runt (as he written the biography without her knowledge), max then destroyed her wonderful, prized garden.

Just when the matter appeared to be cleared up, the sexy cop decided to read some snippets from the biography and began to realise why Hils wouldn’t want to book to be published. Pia confronted Hils with what she read - but actually what peaked Pia’s interest? And is the scandalous info in max’s biography true?

Blonde Hayley decides the only way to made dani’s concentration waver enough (for the "mermaid illusion" to stop) is to try to distract Dani’s concentration any way she can. Hayley decides to hire one of those sky writing planes, but hayles is so blonde that the msg she asks the sky writer to do is about a subject dani cares nothing about (ie it’s not about dani herself). Hayley then decides to take some photos of "mermaid" dani (to prove the tail etc is all in silly scott’s head) but that fails when she can’t see anything thru the viewfinder (she was too blonde to take the lens cap off). Hayley tries a third time to prove that sooky princess dani isn’t a mermaid, but what’s her plan? And will it work this time?

Kit decides against the whole "gadaffi" plan, and decides to concentrate on making her younger sister see the light, so Tilly and evil Duncan had completed yet another love making session, Kit tries everything to stop Tilly & Duncan "rolling in the hay" again. Tilly says that she’ll stop having S&M sex with Duncan if Kit does one of two things. Kit must either completely obliterate the ghost of Jack (so Tilly isn’t under his spell anymore) or Kit must make (incestuous) love to her younger sister. Kit is totally in a bind - she hates both the idea of completely destroying the ghost of her late great father, but the thought of having sex with Tilly is equally as horrid!!! Tilly demands an answer from Kit. What option will the redhead choose? Or will Kit think of something else which will make Tilly stop making love to Duncan?

Alf doesn’t believe that his son Duncan could be involved in the drug scene (he such a "good" boy), and even when beth shows his duncan’s drug lab, alf still doesn’t believe her. Beth realises the only way to convince alf is to have some1 buy some dugs off Duncan (and secretly film the exchange). Beth approaches Kirsty, and asks her if she’ll get the illegal substances off Duncan (after all, Kirsty recently had a BAD addiction to drugs which would make her the perfect "falling off the wagon" candidate). Kane is deeply concerned for his safety (as is Fi), but Kirsty thinks it’s the least she can do to make up for some of the evil things she did whilst on drugs.

Kirsty then arranged to but some drugs from Duncan. What will happen when they make the cash for illegal substances exchange (will kirsty get the evidence beth needs, will Duncan suspect anything? etc)

Rhys & Kimmy decided to enrol Max to another school (outside of the Bay) where the little runt (and they) aren’t known. Although Kimmy & Rhys are perfectly OK with the way Kimmy have chosen to live his life, they hope that Max will be teased and ostacised so much of his new school (for having a transsexual "mum") that will be run away, but there plan fails, as max is openly VERY proud that Kimmy is his stepmum.

Rhys & Kimmy then decide that if max won’t run away then they will have to instead. The lovebird leave the bay (only telling Jade of their whereabouts). What will happen when moron max arrives home and discovers that all of Rhys’ & Kimmy’s clothes etc are gone?

Sally begins to suspect that there is more to Flynn’s relationship with Angie than her JUST being his dominatrix. Her suspicions are hightened when Angie appears to have a "baby belly" several weeks later. Is Angie preggers? If she is who is the father? And is she’s not, could it possibly be that usually superfit is gaining lots of weight for other reasons?

Wanda’s son Joe has been in a down mood ever since Tilly dumped him (as she wanted bondage involved when she lost her virginity). Not even the usual graffiting buildings etc have cheered him up. He decides to torture & kill posh Josh & saddo Seb, but he knows there bodies are so frail that even barely touching them will end their lived (which is no fun at all). Joe then steals some of Angie’s magic books and casts a spell of the 2 loosers so they won’t die til he’s has enough "fun". Joe enjoys it when josh & seb have to endure the hours and hours of non-stop pain of his self-built torture chamber.

Finally, when Joe gets bored of the whole thing (approx a day and a half after the torture begin), Wanda’s son ended spell. He then tipped a pencil shaving onto each of the looser’s bodies - which easily ended their pathetic lives.

"I killed Josh & Seb", said the pencil shavings.

"You LEGENDS", replied the stolen Magic book.

Joe then decides that he wants Tilly back at all costs, but what will happen when Angie discovers that Joe "borrowed" her spell book.

Tasha hates the way the Angie has affected her so she goes to see Saintly Scotty P, so he can purge Angie’s evil from her. Kane’s kind hearted bro is surprised how much evil has developed in sweet Tasha since she started the mother-daughter bonding, but (thankfully) saintly scotty is able to drive all the wickedness out of Tasha. Made & Jade are deeply grateful to Kane’s bro - and say they will do anything for Saintly Scotty for returning their wife to her "pre Angie" state. Kane’s bro initially merely accepts their thanks - and won’t hear of the two doing anything in rtn, but then thinks of the perfect way that jade & Mark can "repay" him - not with dollars & cents, but with a wonderfully good deed! What does Kane’s bro ask Tasha’s spouse to do?

Pammy is feeling a tad lonely. She knows she was lots of great friends (mark, jade, wanda, her kids, tasha, Robbie etc) but really wants someone a lover of her own. She begins, despite knowing her is happily married, that maybe she & mark could be more than just good friends. Will Pammy act on her thoughts?

Date: 12/04/04 Author : JosieTash

312

Constable Corelli discovers that the shapely Hills used to be a topless model , and that her and Wanda had had secret affairs with well known UK footballers.....but is this the reason why Hils is against the biography being published ,or is there a darker secret??!!

Hayley scratches her little blonde head ,trying to think how to prove to Silly Scott Hunter that Dani is not a mermaid.She tries to break Dani's will by distracting her with the only thing that Dani cares about apart from herself. Hayley ran to Dani's house and fetched all her tasteless tarty garments out if her wardrobe and placed them on the edge of the water by the ''mermaid''. She then started ripping them slowly and deliberately. Dani could not stand it and let her concentration slip , she scrambled out of the water and tried to grab the clothes off Hayley, but Hayley was by now having far too much fun tearing them to shreds. A catfight ensued ,which the sporty Hayley easily won against the scrawny crybaby princess. By the time they stopped fighting both girls noticed that Silly Scott had wandered off ...where was he and which girl,if any , did he want??!!

Kit decides that the only way to get Tilly to stop seeing Duncan is to expose him as the toady little tosser he is . She enlists Joe's eager help in this ....what plan to get Tilly to dump Duncan do they devise??!!

Evil toad-boy Duncan refuses to hand over any drugs to Kirsty unless she samples them with him first,he has always fancied Kirsty and wants to get her faceless so she is powerless to defend herself against his unwanted advances. Luckily both Beth and Fi see what is happening and Fi rushes to get Kane. Just as evil toad-boy is about to hurt Kirsty , our hero Kane throws a viscious punch which knocks him out cold. Alf arrived at just that moment and is horrified to see just how evil Duncan has become. He disowns Duncan and makes him work in the diner kitchen with only Colleen and Leah for company . Toad-boy begs to be sent to prison instead but Alf will not rellent and the terrible punishment stands.

Meanwhile Fi,Kirsty,Kane and Beth all hug ,relieved that Kirsty is safe.

Tilly also saw what happened and although she was initially upset ,she soon cheered up when Joe gave her a shoulder to cry on,and the two teenagers went off happily together.But who is out to get them??!!

Tilly and Joe ran into Max ,who was bawling his eyes out because Rhys and Kimmy had left without him. Tilly and Joe threw a few stones at him,poked him with sharp sticks and punched him a few times to shut him up but he carried on crying.

Bored with him they told him that Rhys and Kimmy hadn't really left but were hiding. Moronic Max believed them and instantly started searching for them. Tilly and Joe left him searching,and they laughed all the way to the diner where they decided to take the **** out of Duncan.

Evil toad-boy got so angry that he threw a bread roll at them,they ducked and it sailed out of the window.A small bird pecked at the bread roll and flew away ,dropping a minute crumb from its beak. The crumb landed on Saddo Seb who was lying atop his lover Posh Josh....the impact killed them both instantly.

''I killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' said the crumb.

''You LEGEND!'' replied the tiny bird.

Angie is spending most of her time lolling around in bed with Flynn,making him do all the work,and is gaining weight rapidly.Sally asks her to join the gym with her. At first Angie is reluctant but when she catches sight of herself in the mirror she is horrified and joins up immediately.She keeps flirting with Jesse at the gym,so Wanda warns her off and takes Jesse home for an early night!!!!!!!

Saintly Scotty P wants Mark,Jade and Tasha to become role models and sponsors for the evil trio of the Bay .....Angie,Duncan and Colleen. They would attend counselling sessions with them and help them in their rehabilitation ...will they agree??!!

The trio also have Pammy on their minds ...she is acting strangely coy around Mark....is she attracted to him and if so how will this affect their friendships??!!

Date: 13/04/04 Author : Wanda

[JosieTash]

The Phoenix, not until the 12th of never, as the song goes !!!

belgshep, Mark is only a chaecter V loosely based on me remember !!!! .... glad you are liking all the varoius duncan bits & pieces !!!!

313

As the sexy Pia Corelli continues to read Hils biography, she discovers that one of the secret affairs that Hils had lead to her getting pregnant. The father of the child, a VERY high profile soccer star, said that unless Hils gave the baby up for adoption that he will expose both Hils’ and Wanda’s scandalous behaviour to the police. Constable Corelli begins to search for the adoption records of the child. The trail of paperwork for the child Hils adopted out (surprisingly) lead Pia all the way back to Summer Bay. Who is the child Paris’ soulmate gave up about 16 years ago?

Dani & Hayley both went looking for Silly Scott. Hayley was just clueless and looked around the place without any logical plan what so ever. She soon became VERY frustrated and decides to take out her anger on the next 2 ppl she saw - posh Josh & Saddo Seb. Hayley (who was kicking a soccer ball the whole time she searches for silly scoot, kicked the ball straight at Josh’s private parts. Hayley’s aim was 100% accurate, and both losers died instantly (as the insipid weirdos as so close now that jade & Kirsty’s ex - what WERE they thinking? - felt his lovers pain as weel.

"I killed posh josh & saddo Seb," said the soccer ball.

"You LEGEND" replied the crop top Hayley was wearing.

Meanwhile, Dani followed the trail of dead goldfish to a house where silly scoot had taken yet another fish out of little bowl. Dani didn’t care about care about the marine creature, and began talking about herself to silly Scott, who REALLY didn’t want to listen to her. Beth’s son then threw the latest (now dead) fish at Dani and used the distraction to escape. Dani was livid that silly Scott did this, but suddenly had even greater woes - contact with the dead fishy had actually turned 100% into a full on mermaid, and despite being on land, Dani had a tail and desperately need to get into some water. Dani tried to hop (instead of walking) but she was not successful. Dani threw that "crawling" wouldn’t get her to water fast enough. Will "ME, ME, ME" Dani die (irony of ironies) all alone? Or will someone be able (or want) to save her?

Kit & Joe knew that Tilly had to see slime ball Duncan as more than just as sex partner. Tilly said she should watch Duncan go about his usual evil life - if Kit puts a black leather S&M outfit and treats her bondage clad little sister like a dog (esp. "walking" Tilly with a collar and leash). Kit & Joe aren’t sure with Tilly’s suggestion, but agree to it. Tilly loves it as Kit put the dog collar & leash on her, but Kit is soon VERY pleased when Tilly soon sees evil Duncan trying t have with way with Kirsty.

Tilly as very pleased when kane hit Alf’s ugly toad of a son, and was equally pleased when Joe hugged her, despite the whole sex with Duncan incident. Unbeknownst to them, Henry is out to destroy the newly reformed couple - as he quite likes being the only hunter twins with a partner. Rikki is eager to help bust Tilly & Joe up, so the pair tell Joe that Tilly HATES the mindless destruction of property that she & Joe are often doing - and that Tilly only is misbehaving because she wants Joe to like (and sleep) with her. Will Joe believe them?

Moronic Max keeps searching the width & breath of the Bay but still can not find Rhys & Kimmy. The poison dwarf then thinks that his uncle & Kimmy must be invisible (after someone cast a spell on them). Moron max asks Pammy (known for using for magic for the purposes of good) to see is he’s right. Pammy casts a spell - but it indicates that Rhys & Kimmy aren’t invisible. Max decides to check everywhere again - every house, every cupboards, every case etc. he doesn’t find Rhys & Kimmy, but something cheers him up a little. What is it?

Jesse decides to be away from the gym from now on when Angie is there regaining her shape, but Hayley can see to Angie is too things way to far - indeed, Hayley notices that Miss Russell is getting shorter every time she losses weight. Angie won’t believe what Hayley is saying until she notices that at the end of the first weak of weight loss she can now wear her sports tops as knee length dresses. Why is the weird occurrence happening to Tasha’s mum?

Jade, Mark & Tasha are SOOOOOOO grateful to Saintly Scotty that they readily agree to his plan. Tasha asks her spouses if she can be Duncan’s role model. Jade doesn’t want to deal with Angie, so she chooses Colleen, whilst Mark agrees to "take on" Angie.

The evil trio (angie etc) and reluctant to change their ways but our married 3some are intending on giving in until angie & the other 2 are fine, upstanding, helpful contributors to society. Which trio will win the battle?

Jade & Tasha in partic notice that Pammy seems to be growing fonder and fonder of their hubby. Jade & Tash are please when Mark says he’s noticed it as well, as is ignoring the obvious signals that Pammy is sending out. Mark then says he’ll talk to Pammy about her feelings for him Mark goes over to Pammy’s house to tell her that nothing can happen between them - as he deeply loves his wives. What happens when Mark tells Pammy this news?

Date: 13/04/04 Author : JosieTash

314

OMG ..it turns out that Alf and Ailsa adopted the evil toad-boy Duncan and he is

fact the son of a well known drunken Northern Irish footballer ...perhaps the ''Best'' ever and Hils. Eager to get the evil toad-boy off his hands Alf insists that Hils get to know her son and washes his hands of him with relish , telling Hils that Toad-boy is now all hers....how will poor Hils respond??!!And what will Paris think??!!

By pure chance Hayley stumbles across the fish like Dani ...who quite frankly is starting to stink a bit ....will Hayley help her former friend to find water ....or will she leave her to rot??!!

Joe is convinced that Henry and Rikki are trying to split him and Tilly up and so doesn't believe them ...instead he and Tilly decide to get revenge ....what will they do??!!

Moronic Max's pathetic little face lights up as he finds ....a shiny penny !!!!! ''Ooooooh it's sooo pretty and shiny '' he says to himself .He runs to show his only friend , the evil Colleen his ''great'' find. Colleen ,however is angry at being mentored by Jade and has no intention of becoming good ,she takes her frustration out on Max. Colleen grabs the shiny penny off Max and hurls it away ...it hits Posh Josh and kills him instantly. Max chases after his precious shiny penny knocking over and killing Saddo Seb who is crying over Posh Josh's disgusting body.

''We killed Saddo Seb and Posh Josh,'' said Moronic Max and the shiny penny.

''You LEGENDS,'' said a sweet wrapper that was lying on the ground.

The shiny penny rolled away from Max ,and he chased after it , soon forgetting that he was supposed to be searching for Uncle Rhys and Kimmy. On and on rolled the shiny penny with Moronic Max following. Exhausted Max stopped to catch his breath ,the shiny penny disappeared from view and Max started crying. He had lost the shiny penny and now he was lost ...boo hoo...will anyone notice or care that he is missing??!!

Angie is now of dwarf like proportions ....about Max's size....due to her wearing her legs away on the tread mill . Can anything be done to restore her to normal size??!!

Duncan is trying to get Tasha to take drugs ...so she takes him into the bush to get him to commune with nature. Here Alf tells him his great news ...that toad-boy is not his son ...how does Duncan react??!!

Colleen is pretending to be a nice old lady while Jade is around her , but as soon as Jade's back is turned she reverts back to the evil old crone that she really is ...will she able to fool Jade into thinking she has reformed??!!

Mark is having less problems with Angie because she has her stumpy legs to worry abvout ,and so is unable to find the time to do evil.

But Mark has other problems ...Pammy did not take his rejection very well ...what will Pammy do??!!

Date: 15/04/04 Author : Wanda

315

Hils is sooooo distraught that an offspring of hers could be so completely evil. She then decides that she had had to try to wipe out all the bad influences that have been in Duncan’s life to this point. Hils knows that Alf isn’t the one responsible for her son turning a brat - it’s Morag who she believes is the one responsible.

Hils decides to confront Morag immediately, so after she writes Paris a note, she gets in her car and begins speeding to the city.

Soon after, Paris gets home and reads the note. He then rings Hils on her mobile. A policeman answered the phone - and tells Paris the Hils is in trouble with the law. When Paris enquires where Hils is, the cop said she’s been apprehended on the highway to the city. When Paris verbally thinks that Hils has been done for speeding, the policeman seemed to indicate that her crime is WAY worse. What has Hils done?

Hayley tells Dani that she will only help the sooky princess get to some water if dani lets Hayley have Silly Scott all to herself. Dani says "over my dead body", to which Hayley responded "you realise that you WILL be (dead) soon". Dani then realises she’ll have to co-operate with Hayley or face certain death, so she agrees.

Hayley then carried the rather lightweight Dani to the nearby rock pool. Once Dani was rehydrated, she tried some reverse psychology in Hayley. Dani hit Hayley and knocked her out. When Hayles came to, Dani got the result she wanted - Hayley had gone from being as clueless as Jessica Simpson to being as brainy as Albert Einstein. How will Silly Scott - and the bay - react to super smart Hayley?

Tilly and Joe, as the first part of their revenge plan, completely cover the bodies of the fast asleep Rikki & Henry in spray paint.. This makes he pair WAY late fro school the next morning (VERY long showers for both as they clean of all that paint). Hyde then puts the tardy pair on detention fro the rest of the time (several years) that Rikki & Henry are at SBH.

Tilly & her partner in crime then continue to scheme against Rikki & Henry. Joe thinks of another terrific ways to get revenge on Tilly’s bro and his gf. What’s Joe’s plan?

Moron Max walks aimlessly in the dessert. Vultures began circling above his wearying body, whilst a pack of dingoes licked their lips, as they eagerly waited for the runt to collapse. Is this the end of the poison dwarf?

Mark tries to convince Angie that she has DEFINITELY lost all that flab she gained when flynn was doing everything for her, but that wasn’t working, so Mark decides to think of a different way to approach the problem. He knows Angie is Flynn’s dominatrix, but wondered if she liked to be tied/chained up herself. Angie LOVED the idea (as she fully assumed that Mark wanted to have S&M sex with her, but Miss Russell was livid when Jade & Tasha’s spouse only went out for as tying her up. Mark insisted that he don’t untie Angie until she returns to her old height (and a sensible weight).

Pammy (who has been stalking Mark since he rejected her) sees the man she loves tying up the leather clad Angie. Pammy sees this as a golden opportunity to have Mark to herself. She goes & tells both Jade & Tasha about what she saw Mark doing to Angie. How will Mark’s spouses react when Pammy tells them what she saw?

Duncan is over the moon when he hears that he’s not alf & Ailsa’s biological son. He goes over to Hils place, where he reads the note saying she’s gone to the city to "visit" Morag.

Duncan then steals the first car he sees and takes off after Hils - as he REALLY wants to talk to his bio mum. As he sped along, he rammed a rather slow moving car off the road. The occupants of the car (2 insipid loosers) die instantly.

"I killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb," said the car Duncan stole.

"You LEGEND", replied a nearby police speed camera.

Colleen thinks she has Jade completely fooled with her antics, but Mark & Tasha’s spouse is TOTALLY clued. Colleen is quite shocked when jade reveals she has been secretly video taping the old bat every move. Colleen then asked if Jade had seen all the footage yet, to which Tasha & Mark’s wife said no. The old bat then tried to get the tape out of the VCR before Jade could watch any more of the footage. What particularly dastardly thing does Colleen NOT want her support person to see?

Date: 15/04/04 Author : JosieTash

316

Hils was driving along very carefully , abiding by the rules when she saw the evil Toad-boy Duncan speed past , not only that but he was inhaling deeply from a bong at the time ,while injecting drugs into his veins and listening to the music of the devil at high volume on his stereo!!!!!!

Hils attempts to keep up with the speeding Toad-boy , but loses control of her car and runs over a small child who is running away from his shrieking mother.

''V.J!!!!!! V.J!!!!!!!'' shrieks Leah!!! But it's too late ...Hil's car smashes into the infant ....will V.J survive and will the cops buy Hil's story that she thought V.J was a possum??!!

Superclever Hayley decides to dye her hair as she no longer suits her blonde locks...however she is so intellectual now that she cannot do any of the bimbo things she used to do. Consequently the hair-dying goes terribly wrong and Hayley's hair turns bright purple. She no longer has any fashion sense or the ability to apply make-up.She glances in the mirror and is horrified at what she sees. She wants to be blonde and pretty again ,but doesn't know how. Everyone tells her she looks OK , but she is convinced that they are lying and she becomes so paranoid she will not leave the house. Noah's attempts at counselling leave her on the brink of suicide!!! The only person who can help her now is saintly Scotty P ....will he get to Hayley and restore her to her former bimbo self before she ends it all??!!

Tilly and Joe pretend that they have the exam Q's to the end of term exams and make a big deal out of hiding them,but leave just enough clues and hints that Henry and Rikki will find them and not bother revising. Joe never revises anyway and usually cheats his way through exams or just walks out if he can't copy anyone else's answer so he's not sure what the big deal is ...but Tilly assures him that Beth will go ballistic at Henry if he does badly ....will Henry fail his exams??!!

Kane sees the vultures circling miles away and being a hero decides to see what animal is lying hurt or injured. He is surprised to see Max lying on the hot desert sand ,a shiny penny clutched in his hand .Kane gives the dwarf-boy a drink and carries him in his strong arms all the way back to Summer Bay.

Kirsty and her best friend Fi see him approaching and run and give him a big hug . Kane takes Max to hospital , but Flynn says he cannot help the dwarf unless a next of kin is found ....will Uncle Rhys return when he hears Max needs his help??!!

While Mark explains to Jade and Tasha the real reason why Angie is tied up ...to prevent her from disappearing due to too much exercise....Posh Josh and Saddo Seb sneak up to Angie's house to spy on her. She sees their nauseating little faces at the window and beckons them over,promising to pleasure them if they untie her. The sad pair of losers rush to untie her and eagerly wait for their reward. Angie laughs her evil laugh and raises her Dominatrix whip , both Saddo Seb and Posh Josh die of fear and excitement as soon as they see the whip, before she has a chance to give them a good thrashing!!

''I killed Saddo Seb and Posh Josh !!'' said the whip.

''You LEGEND!'' replied Angie's fish-net stockings.

Colleen is worried that the tape may reveal her stealing from the charity collection box on the counter of the Diner. The kind-hearted residents of the Bay have been donating money to the Victims of Bayside Car Accidents (there are many beneficiaries!) ,and Colleen has been helping herself to the money ...will Jade see this on tape and what will Colleen do to stop her??!!

Date: 17/04/04 Author : Wanda

317

Hils is really stressing that the police won't believe her - until they find the wounded VJ in a ditch beside the road. The child had covered himself in the skin of a possum. The police, and Greek Leah, couldn't it when the saw little VJ "dressed" like a possum. The police then allowed Hils to continue on her journey, and then VJ's mum suggested that the cops should contact nature girl Tasha to see if she can communicate with VJ and discover what was the possum "suit".

Tasha arrived and "talked" to VJ. Greek Leah is stunned when Tasha tells then that her son dressed the way he dad in the hope that a family of possum would "adopt" him - so he would be away from his whiney mum. The police tell Greek Leah this is a domestic matter and leave the scene. The diner chef then tells little VJ that she'll change if he comes home with her. Will the child choose his mum, or continue trying to find a family of possum that will "adopt" him?

Supersmart Haley quickly invents a harmless way to end her life (and make it looks like natural causes) but Saintly Scotty P arrives JUST in time and tries to convince Hayley to somehow amend her invention, or create something new, that will turn her back into the blonde & pretty bimbo she adored being. Hayley is uber smart, but realises she'll need some help inventing such a device, so saintly Scotty phones Robbie & UK Leah.

Hayley, Robbie & UK Leah then together create their new device. Hayley gets into the booth like part of the invention and Robbie presses the ON switch. What happens when Hayley emerges from the invention - will she still be supersmart, has she rtned to her old (bimbo) self, or has something else occurred?

Henry WAY fails his exams - but Beth won’t listen to his suggestions that he & Rikki (who continued to study and got great marks from the exams) had been set up by someone. Beth decided that she would punish Henry by splitting him up his beloved Rikki - by sending him to live with some relatives of the Hunter family who live in Canada. Will Rikki & Henry be able to convince Beth that they were set up before Henry is sent to Canada?

Rhys is unsure if he wants to be the one responsible for keeping moron max in the world, but Kane talks to Rhys and convinces him that all ppl, even pathetic ones like max deserve to live. Rhys agrees to donate some of his bone marrow to max - but only if he NEVER has to see the little runt EVER again, and if KK agree to look after the poison dwarf. Kane agreed to take car of the little moron - although Rhys doesn't detect it, Kane is a tad reluctant to be so but rhys had been SOOOOOOOO good (mostly) to him over the years that he dealt he "owed" mr Sutherland a little).

The operation to save Max is a success, but what happens with the little runt moves into the KK house?

Angle calls out to Mark. He is a tad weary when he notices that she is untied. Mark is then surprised when Miss Russell insists that he should tie her up again, as she realises that she IS slowly returning to the height she was before she started exercising. Mark rings his wives on their video phones and tells them what's going on before he ties Angle back up - as he doesn't want any1 to think anything is going on. After the phone call, Mark goes to tie Angle up, but she turns the tables on him, and it's jade & Tasha's spouse who ends up in chains. Angie then tells Mark she HATED being confined, and plans to make his life a living hell. After Miss Russell tortures Mark for a little wile, resulting in many a scream, Angie tells her daughter's hubby that no-one can hears his cries, and the room is sound proofed. Will Jade, Tasha or someone be able to save Mark from Miss Russel’s EVIL clutches?

Colleen uses all her "I REALLY don't want to get caught for doing such a LOW thing" strength to punch jade. This sends the young blonde flying across the room and into the wall of the old bat's mobile home. Colleen then grabs the tape out of the VCR, and starts running - as to get a head start before the shaken Jade is able to get her bearings and go after the old bat.

As Colleen to run from the fast-catching-up-to-her Jade, she saw the Josh & Seb (walking hand in hand) directly in her path. The old bag knew that Jade would catch up to her faster if she tried to go around the 2 loosers. Colleen then ploughed into the insipid 2some (it was like a semi trailer hitting a little hatch batch head on) and killed them instantly.

"I killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb" said Colleen, as she continue to run, without even breaking her stride.

"You LEGEND", replied the pursuing Jade.

Rhys' daughter is about to crash tackle Mrs Smart when something complete weird happens. What is it?

Pammy decides that Mark isn't the one for her after all. Indeed, she begins to think that, just maybe, she could become more than just great friends with Gypsy. Will Pammy work up the courage to tell the awesome redhead who she feels?

Date: 18/04/04 Author : JosieTash

[JosieTash]

belgshep, you do have a point there (hehehehehehehe) ..... love the line bout me & Angie ..... and yeah, THAT (George Best thing) was REALLY freaky !!!!!

The Phoenix, i think that we'll all have to wait until tomorrow to find out - can't get into old official site boards at present ..... will keep trying !!!!!

COOOOL - the site (old boards) is available again !!!!!

318

Robbie is being stalked by a Psychofreak (wierd annoying person of official site boards) ...he and UK Leah find this very disturbing....and even more so when they discover the psycho freak is planning to kill Leah and convince V.J that she will adopt him by pretending that she has some possums at home for him to play with. Will Robbie and UK Leah be able to stop Psycho Freak Girl before she can get her evil hands on V.J ,and why is she so obsessed with Robbie??!!

Hils carries on searching for her real son Toad-boy Duncan....she follows a trail of drugs paraphanalia to a seedy suburb in the City....here she finds Toad-boy ....but is shocked to see sensible Paris sucking on a bong with her son ....what will poor Hils do??!!

Hayley emmerges from the invention restored to her dumb bimbo self , but she finds herself so stupid that no one wants to know her.....until she comes across her intellectual equal ...Silly Scott Hunter !!!!! He and Hayley have bizarre,boring conversations that no one else can join in with due to their stupidity , which leaves sulky Princess Dani feeling very left out.

''What about ME,ME,ME!!!'' she cries !!!!!

She goes to Saintly Scotty P and demands to be made as stupid as Silly Scott Hunter and Hayley ...he tells her this is impossible because they had an underlying intellectual deficiency.

Dani is not used to being told ''NO.'' and throws a hissy fit , screaming , crying and stamping her feet. Patient Scotty P waits for her to finish her tantrum , but three days later when she still shows no signs of stopping he gives up and walks off.

But Dani refuses to take ''no'' for an answer and carries on ,following him around the Bay ...how will Saintly Scotty P get her to stop??!!

Henry in desperation runs away from home to avoid being sent to the hell on earth known as Canada ,where HAA does not exist , he hides out in Colleen's van ....what does the evil hag do when she discovers his whereabouts??!!

Kirsty is so NOT pleased when Kane turns up at home with her moronic cousin , having agreed to take care of moronic Max.

''EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW keep the poisoned dwarf away from me , he makes my skin crawl!'' she understandably complained.

It was agreed that Max would have to sleep in the yard , a Phillips family tradition , and Kirsty could beat him with a bike chain if he made any noise , another good old Phillip's childrearing tip.

This cheered Kirsty up and she rushed out to purchase a chain for that very purpose.

On the way home she saw Posh Josh and Saddo Seb snogging ,understandably she couldn't resist trying out the bike chain on them.They died after one little beating each!!

''I killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb'' said the bike chain.

''You LEGEND!'' replied Kirsty's t-shirt.

Kane is walking past Angie's house when his super-human hearing picks up Mark's muffled screams ...our action hero immediately breaks in to evil Angie's to save his friend. He brushes the evil one aside and breaks the chains holding Mark with his super-human hero strength....they are about to make good their escape when evil Angie pulls a gun ...what will happen to Mark and our hero Kane??!!

Jade is about to tackle Colleen when she sees TWO Kirsty's ...one is taking moron Max for a long walk on a choke chain ...the other is jogging in the opposite direction ...how can this be??!!

Date: 19/04/04 Author : Wanda

319

Ultra smart Robbie & UK Leah "just know" that Psycho Freak Girl is planning something to do with babies, as she seemed to be obsessed with them. Robbie also reveals to UK Leah that the Psycho has been obsessed with him ever since they went to Pre School. UK Leah was intrigued when Robbie said that Psycho Freak Girl had asked him to marry her about a zillion times - Robbie even revealed that the sick girl had tried on a few occasions to make him sleep with her - if he didn’t, she’d hurt one of his family. UK Leah was very pleased when Robbie added that he’d outsmarted the Psycho Freak every time.

Robbie then asked Greek Leah if he & UK Leah could use VJ as a bait tho catch the baby obsessed Psycho. The whiney chef agrees to the plan, but will Robbie’s plan be a success or will little VJ end up in Psycho Freak Girl’s evil clutches?

Hils can’t believe that Paris could be into such illegal substance, and worse still that he would want to hang out with toad boy Duncan. Hils decides to try to make Paris jealous - in the hope he’ll stop taking drugs and try to win her back - by kissing dino teen Jaina. Will Hils plan work? Or is Paris lost to the dark side forever?

Saintly Scotty P uses all his powers of self-control to stop himself from causing dani some serious harm. He then comes up with a brilliant idea. Saintly Scotty P convinces dani that she’ll become as intellectually challenged as Hayley & silly scoot by watching the many hours of mindless daytime TV. He also suggested that she read lots of trashy, mindless gossip magazines. Dani decides to give Kane’s bro’s suggestion a try. After a week or so, she’s the interlectual equivalent of Hayley & Silly Scott, but will the pair let Dani join into their "blonde" conversations?

Colleen tells Henry that she will keep him hidden in her van if he gives her a FULL BODY massage twice daily. Henry is truly between a rock and a hard place. Will he choose Canada or Colleen?

A stray dog sees moron max sleeping in the KK yard. The little runt hopes the mutt would adopt him - and was pleased as it came closer. His excitement turned to dread when the dog cocked its leg and urinated on him.

A frustrated Max decided to take out his anger on 2 ppl he knew are bigger lossers than he is. The little runt was pretty cold from being outside all night, so much so that some ice was hanging from his nose. When we saw Josh & Seb, he delicately got the ice of his body and threw it at the Posh & Saddo. The tiny impact of the ice killed the insipid weirdos.

"I killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb," said the ice.

"You LEGEND" said Max’s near frozen fingers.

Kane & Mark were able to, Matrix style, slow the movements of the bullets so substantially that the projectiles were barely moving when they reached our heroic duo. Angie couldn’t believe what had happened, and wondered how it had occurred.

How did Kane & Mark do seemingly the impossible?

Jade decides to approach the "Kirsty" who is jogging - rather than having to encounter moron max. The girl, in a quite eloquent voice, says that her name is Laura and her parents are the Caravan Park telling the ppl who own the place (the suthos) that one of their children isn’t really (biologically) theirs. How will jade react to Laura’s shock revelation?

Date: 20/04/04 Author : JosieTash

320

UK Leah and Robbie took little V.J to the park in the hope of luring Psycho Freak Girl to commit another abduction. Sure enough they saw her lurking behind some bushes and as soon as they pretended to be distracted she snatched little V.J and legged it.

But Fi and her friend Rach ,who was visiting the Bay were waiting around the corner and as Psycho Freak Girl tried to run past, Fi stuck out her leg and tripped her up. Psycho Freak Girl released her grip on V.J as she tried to regain her balance and Rach caught him as he was thrown in the air. Fi and Wanda who had seen what was happening then jumped the Freak Girl and bitch slapped her until she stopped struggling. The police came to arrest her , but it seems she had a long history of mental problems and so she was sent to the psychiatric hospital to be assessed ....would the cunning liar be able to persuade the docs that she is fit to be released??!!

Paris and Duncan are so stoned that they do not notice Hils or Jaina ...infact they are now busy snorting coke and popping acid tabs,and so thought it was all a hallucination! Hils however found that she rather enjoyed the passionate kiss she shared with Jaina and was also fascinated by the whole dino culture. So Hils and Jaina left the city to return to the dino settlement ,where ever thirsty for knowledge Hils began to study the dino people. She subsequently published a book all about her experiences and made a fortune ,which she shared with her friends Mark and Wanda !!

Paris and Duncan meanwhile were planning to return to the Bay and to use Summer Bay High as a drugs selling joint , Paris having secured the deputy head's job and Duncan having enrolled as a pupil. Will Hyde and Irene realise that Paris is no longer the sober upstanding citizen he used to be or will SBH become a drugs den??!!

Scott and Hayley still refuse to let Dani in on their ''blonde'' conversations , and she is now too stupid to come up with any ideas to force them to do so. So instead she does what comes naturally and whines , blubs and sobs about it to anyone who will listen. Everyone is getting sick of her ,and the whole Bay decides that something must be done to stop the incessant whining ...what is the plan to shut Dani up??!!

Rikki is nauseated by the sight of Henry giving Colleen a full body massage , more so because he seems to be enjoying it. She dumps him and finds herself a new and far more gorgeous boyfriend. Henry meanwhile finds that he is attracted to Colleen ....what happens when Moronic Max finds that his bestest friend Colleen is having fun with Henry??!!

Max is slowly getting used to the wonderfully innovative Phillips child-rearing methods . Being beaten for no reason and going hungry and being ignored and called stupid are having such a positive effect on him , as they would on any child , and he realises how lucky he is to be living in the Phillips household...so much so that he no longer wants to find Uncle Rhys.

Uncle Rhys is overjoyed that the little turd wants to live with the Phillips's , and tells Kane that he owes him big-time for taking the brat off his hands.....but something is making Kimmy unhappy ...what is it??!!

Angie is livid that Kane is able to transfer his super-powers to others momentarily in times of crisis ,and vows to get even with our hero.What is the evil woman planning??!!

Jade is over-joyed to discover that she is a member of the posh de Groots family ,rather than the dysfunctional Sutho family, she can't wait to tell Shelley how relieved she is that she is not her biological daughter!! Jade reluctantly tells her husband Mark that she needs to go on a little trip to get to know her new family , but she decides that she must throw a big party before she leaves. Every one is invited to the party (except Saddo Seb and Posh Josh,who gate-crash), Kane notices them trying to sneak in and pushes them out of the door , the force of our heros push causes them to sail through the air over the edge of a conveniently placed cliff. They plummett to the bottom and die .

''I killed Saddo Seb and Posh Josh,'' said Kane.

''You LEGEND!'' everyone replied , as the party continued ....but will anyone notice Paris and Duncan dealing drugs at the party ??!!

Date: 19/04/04 Author : Wanda

321

The medical ppl at the hospital are about to let Psycho Freak Girl back into society, after she fooled them into believe she is simply misunderstood, when Dr Super Flynn arrives and proves to his colleagues that psycho girl is the massive danger to the general public that Wanda, FI, Rach and the others said she is.

When Psycho Freak Girl keeps on insisting the she’s a sane as the next person, the doctors decide to use more forceful methods to convince the Psycho Freak that she does have a problem. Will the Girl NOW admit that she has issues, or will the medical ppl have to try even more radical techniques to adjust the way the psycho Freak thinks?

When Hils & Jaina returned to the Bay, the dino teen announced that she & Hils are now engaged and want to get married ASAP. Most bayside residents LOVE the idea of attending the all girl wedding - but some aren’t. Who is against the same sex marriage and why?

Hyde & Irene think they’ve got everything under control, because Hils told them about seeing both Paris & Duncan do drugs together, but Paris (the ONLY brains of the operation) has been secretly drugging the coffee of both Hyde & Irene, so they turn a blind eye to the thing to all that ramped drug taking. Will any1 be able to stop SBH from becoming the drug capital of the known world?

Alf, on behalf of EVRYONE in the Bay, tells Dani that the big cats (lions, cheetahs etc) in Africa LOVE listening for hour after hour to humans. The "blonde" Dani believes this and catches the next flight out of Sydney to the continent on which the animals live. Dani then boldly approaches the first lion she sees. The creature charges towards the whiney princess. She thinks it wants to get closer to REALLY hear what she’s saying, but the lion thinks that Dani will be a nice meal. Is this the end of sooky "ME, ME, ME" princess?

Moronic Max decides to (literally) fight Henry for Colleen. Hyde (under the influence of the drugs in his coffee) sees the pair having a bit of a street fight. He then insists that Henry & Max fight to the death - gladiator style. Will Hyde & the boys be able to keep Beth from finding about out the barbaric contest before it begins?

Kimmy begins to REALLY get annoyed that Rhys seems to spend more time with Kane (the son he never had) than him his girly clothes wearing lover. Indeed, Hyde’s son thinks that Rhys has SERIOUS feelings for Kane. What happens when Kimmy confronts Rhys about this?

Angie decides to, one by one, hurt the ppl the kane loves. To get "match fit" again, Miss Russell grabs her high powered rifle and she shoots the Bay’s 2 biggest loosers in the head at point blank range, whish instantly ends their pathetic little lives.

"I killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb," said the rifle.

"You LEGEND", replied Angie’s rather expansive shoes.

Miss Russell decided that Kane’s twins, Kaleb & Kennedy, would be next to feel her wrath. Will Angie be successful?

Jade realises that she REALLY likes her biological family. She tries to convince the Degroots to move to the bay, but they like the city. Jade is now torn between her biological family, and her 2 awesome spouses. What will she choose?

Kirsty notices the drug dealing and then thinks of the blissful times she had when she took the illegal substances. She is just about the purchase some drugs of Paris when Laura stops her. Kirsty’s identical twin then yells at the top of her lungs that the drug dealing is taking place, but will anyone be able to hear her over the VERY loud music playing at the party?

Date: 20/04/04 Author : JosieTash

322

The doctors in the mental institute decide that electro - convulsive therapy is the only way to go with Psycho Freak Girl , and apply massive electric currents to her brain. Unfortunately although she is cunning in a sly way , she is also as thick as two short planks so the treatment does not work. They decide she needs counselling, but it is a public holiday and the only counsellor available ,who has no life , is the very stoned Noah. He does the nice approach , but finds Psycho Freak Girl so obnoxious that he soon loses his patience with her. Noah is dying for a spliff and decides that the only way he can get one quickly is if he declares the Psycho Freak sane and discharges her, so rather than spend another minute in her gross company he lets her go. Will Psycho Freak girl start stalking Robbie again and are the mothers and babies of the Bay safe from her evil clutches??!!

Paris is green with envy that his former lover Hils has found happiness in the arms of another. In a rare sober moment ,free from drugs he recalls the amazing times he had with Hils ....is it too late for Paris to win back Hils' love??!!

As the lion approaches the whiney princess , Dani's moaning and whining become more and more high pitched and irritating....she tilts her head and lets out a particularly whiney sob, the poor lion may be King of the Jungle but his sensitive ears are no match for the self-centred princess's moaning .The poor lion ran off with a yelp,his ear drums bleeding. As she saw the distressed lion run off Dani became even more sulky and distraught ...''What about ME! ME! ME!!!'' she yelled after the hurriedly retreating lion.Dani decided that the animals of Africa were just as horrid as the people of the Bay and returned, even more annoying than normal. The Baysiders decided to implement plan B, and locked Dani in a shed while they went to find Max,after all if she was going to annoy someone it might as well be the moronic runt of the Bay.

They found Max locked in a duel to the death with Henry , for the love of Colleen. Not wanting to miss Max getting a good bashing they let the bout continue for a few hours , but just as it looked like Max might be killed he was saved ,so that he could be whined at by Dani.

''Please let Henry kill me,'' he begged , figuring that anything would be better than listening to Dani 24/7 , but the people of the Bay hardened their hearts towards his pleas and chucked him in the shed with Dani.....will anyone care about Max enough to try and save him, and will Dani be satisfied with an audience of just one dwarf-like moron??!!

Kimmy is getting more and more jealous of the time Rhys is spending with Kane,the resident hero and son Rhys never had. He follows Rhys who is following Kane . Kane notices the two men's strange behaviour and asks Rhys what it is all about.What strange explanation does Kane's father-in-law give him??!!

Angie also notices what is going on and asks Kimmy to help her harm Kaleb and Kennedy the KK twins .....will Kimmy agree??!!

Jade decides that she can't decide between her new family and life in the Bay so she commutes between the two places. She is finding it increasingly tiring and starts to doze at the wheel of her car , she awakes with a start when she realizes she hit something and glances back in her rear view mirror . When she sees that it is only Posh Josh and Saddo Seb she has run over she drives on leaving their disgusting putrid bodies to rot by the road side.

''I killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' sang Jade to the tune on her car radio.

''You LEGEND!'' replied her seat belt.

Kirsty's bestest friend in all the world ,Fi, sees that she is tempted to try drugs again and pleads with her not to. Her other friends Rach and Wanda join in , begging her to think of Kane and the little KK twins ...will Kirsty heed her friends??!!

Date: 21/04/04 Author : Wanda

[JosieTash]

belgshep, having powers like that should be reserved for super ppl like Kane, beside Mark's life is great - wih great friends, and 2 sexy wifes !!!!

The Phoenix, NO super power is the universe (i believe) could stop the girl wih a V permanent case of princess-itis - even though Kane has them (super powers) permanently !!!

BTW, if my calcualions are correct, incl. the ones below, there's ONLY 25 !!!!!!CLASSIC chapters remaining !!!!!!!!!!!!

323

Psycho Freak Girl thinks about lulling evry1 into a false sense of security by good acting like a good person for a while, but that idea lasted about 3 microseconds before the Freak was off after babies and small children again. Instead of targeting VJ, the Psycho went after Gypsy’s daughter Lily. Her plan is to steal the child and then tell Robbie that it is his - in the hope that a sense of duty will convince the man of her sick fantasies to marry her.

The awesome Gypsy is soooo attuned to her child that the redhead can "hear" the initial thought (by Psycho Freak Girl) to harm Lily. As we all going, Miss Nash doesn’t tape crap from any1, and charges to the place where the Psycho Freak is hiding out. Does the sick girl have ANY chance of surviving of surviving an encounter with the fired up Gypsy?

Paris decides to try to rekindle things with Hils. Even before Mr Barnett approaches where, Hils begins to suspect that things are not as they seem. When Paris begins talking to Paris she suggests that they should become a couple again. Paris wonders what was the deal with Hils & Jaina, to which Hils responded that she was simply trying to make him jealous. Hils said the whole marriage announcement was part of the plan.

The pair of lovers went back to his place, and Paris removed her clothes in preparation fro sleeping with Hils, but she then noticed a large scar running down the back of his right leg. Hils then knew her suspicions that this isn’t HER Paris were correct. Hils then got the guy in a headlock and he eventually revealed that he is Paris’ twin brother Rome, and that Hils’ man is locked on the basement of the school. Before she takes off to rescue Paris, his evil twin reveals that toad boy Duncan isn’t the baby she gave up for adoption either. Who REALLY is Hils’ biological offspring? Will she be able to rescue her beloved Paris in time? and how will Jaina react to the news that Hils still loves "Frog Legs"?

Everyone in the Bay becomes quite intrigued when they don’t hear moron max yelling out fro some1 (any1) to save him from Dani. Several, like Colleen, think that maybe Dani’s whiney voice is overpowering the little runt’s cries, but Dani seems to not be whiney too loudly. Max’s arch nemesis decides to check things - because she hopes that the poison dwarf is dead, but what happens when Henry’s twin peers into the shed which contains dani & moron max?

Kane is somewhat sceptical when Rhys tells him that Kimmy must go everywhere that Rhys goes of a strange custom the Hyde family has. Kane’s father-in-law continues the explanation by saying that Kimmy must stay within 100 metres to his partner once he is in a realtionship with someone (in this case Rhys). Kane thinks this is intriguing but accepts that all families have their little quirks and allows it to continue.

Kimmy thinks about hurting the KK twins, but knows it will hurt Rhys too much if someone causes kane any pain. Angie is furious. She instantly goes to Kimmy’s house and steals his most prized possession. What was Miss Russell got her hands on of Kimmy’s?

The chorus of ppl (Fi, Laura, Wanda etc) telling Kirsty not to take drugs wins out - but Kane’s wife wonders what to do with the illegal substances she’s just bought. She decides to throw them in the bin, where the ever scavenging Josh & Seb finds the lolly like pills, and eat them, the looser duo drop dread moments later.

"We killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb," said the ingested drugs.

"You LEGENDS", replied the rubbish pin the pills were in.

Date: 21/04/04 Author : JosieTash

324

Gypsy finds Psycho Freak Girl and bitch slaps her into submission , she then drags her into the diner and makes her confess to all her wrongdoings,her lies and her stalking of Robbie. Everyone decides that she must be punished by taking Max's place in the shed. She is locked in the shed with Dani and has to listen to Dani's whining 24/7...Psycho Freak , being as attention seeking as Dani cannot stand that she is unable to talk about herself (due to being gagged) and has to listen to Dani droning on ad nauseum.....will Psycho Freak Girl survive this terrible ordeal??!!

On releasing Paris from the school ''Rome'' disappears , he was actually a hologram , but who made the hologram and why??!!

Meanwhile Hils discovers that her real biological son is super(not)-counsellor Noah ....how will Hils cope with the fact that her real offspring has no personality and spends all his time rolling joints and driving his 'clients' to the point of suicide??!!

Evil Duncan is distraught to find that his real mother is infact Colleen which in turn makes him half-brother to dimwit Lancey ...good but dumb Lance arrives in the Bay to wellcome his less than enthusiastic evil sibling to the family.....will evil Toadboy Duncan corrupt his older brother??!!

Max was deemed too moronic to be affected by Dani's whining so he was forced to go back to his dog kennell in KK's back yard , here Kirsty and her best friend Fi attempted to teach the poisoned dwarf how to fetch sticks ,he seemed unable to understand even this simple command , but after consulting the Phillip's childrearing manual and starving and beating Max for a few days he finally learnt this trick. He was duly rewarded by being ignored for the rest of the week.Max seems happy with his new regime of discipline and the Phillip's childrearing manual is rapidly becoming a hot favourite amongst child-development experts .....will Max remain happy in his new environment or will KK and Fi grow tired of having the obnoxious dwarf around??!!

Miss Russell has Kimmy's bra and pantie set , the first gift of lingerie that Rhys ever bought for him. Kimmy loves the shocking pink set and it holds great sentimental value for him. He begs Angie to give it back and when she refuses a tug of war ensues between them. The elastic on the bra and panties stretches further and further as a determined Kimmy pulls on it and an equally determined Angie refuses to let go. Suddenly they both lose their grip and with a loud TWANG the bra and panties sail through the air. The bra hits Posh Josh in the head and the impact of the silky bra kills him instantly....the panties just miss Saddo Seb but the sight of the garment causes his heart-rate to inrease until he suffers a fatal heart attack.'' I killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb!,'' said the bra and panties.

''You LEGENDS!,'' replied Angie's fish net stockings.

Both Angie and Kimmy raced to retrieve the bra and panties....who will get to them first??!!

Kane is so proud of his beautiful wife for not succumbing to the temptation of the drugs that he plans a wonderful surprise for her ....what does the Bay's hero plan to do for Kirsty??!!

Date: 24/04/04 Author : Wanda

325

Psycho Freak Girl uses every ounce of her being to without the verbal barrage from the "ME, ME, ME" princess. All the while the hatred for the ppl of the Bay is swelling inside her. The Psycho then decides to use her time in the shed with Dani productively - and begins the plot the destruction of Summer Bay and every last person in it. Will the Psycho be able to withstand dani's constant whining? - so she can commence her plan for the Bay's annihilation?

Hils is most surprised to discover that Paris himself asked Robbie & UK Leah to create the "evil" hologram - as he wanted to explore the "dark side" of life without having to experience it himself. Hils was surprised the Paris didn't tell her of his plan, but she loves MR Burnet SOOOO much that she is just pleased to have the real him back.

Following Hils discovery of who created the hologram, another person asks Robbie & UK Leah to create of hologram. Who is It? and do they want the hologram for the same reason as Paris, or for some other purpose?

Hils accepts that Noah is he son and, being the super counsellor that she is, decides to try to teach him all she knows. Having a totally sane mother seems to help Noah greatly, and many ppl congratulate Hils for turning Noah into a useful member of society (and quite a decent counsellor as well). However the drug cartels of the world aren't happy that Noah is now able to survive without his previous massive drug intake. The cartel bosses decided that Hils must pay for getting their best client off drugs. What will they do to HIls?

Toad boy Duncan tries his VERY hardest to corrupt Lancey, but Colleen’s other son is simply to stupid to be corrupted, so Duncan decided to do the same thing to Tilly. She works out what he is trying to do straight away, and instantly begins plotting toad boy's downfall. Tilly decides to pretend that he's corrupted her, but then plans to majorly double cross Duncan - the result being his TOTAL humiliation. What's Tilly's awesomely cunning plan?

KK and Fi like having little "doggy" Max to play with/teach tricks to, but the little runt decides that he hates rolling over & playing dead etc. He decides to run away. Just before he leaves town (walking on all 4s like a good little mutt), he decides to pay the Josh & Seb a visit. the little runt scratches on their door with his right "paw". When the 2 loosers open the door, mutt Max pounces on them. the mere impact of the runt's paws touching the measly bodies, causes the 2 insipid idiots to die instantly.

"We Killed posh Josh & saddo Seb", said mutt Max's paws.

"You LEGENDS", replied the 2 lossers' own front door.

the little runt then proceeded on his way, but b4 he reaches to town limits, he was caught by the RSPCA, and thrown in the pound. Will anyone want such a measly mutt, or will max have be "put down"?

Kimmy reaches the lingerie first, but Angie is not perturbed by this. She has seen Kimmy's wardrobe - and knows he has a fetish for such items. Angie decides that she must "have" Kimmy for herself, and the best way to do that is to shower him with gifts of ever sexier/revealing underwear. This seems to be working, as slowly Kimmy begins to spend more time with her than he doesn't with Rhys. MR Sutherland then responds by giving Kimmy a rather expensive gist voucher from an adult shop - where his lover can buy all the kinky lingerie he wants.

Kimmy is revelling in the rivalry between Rhys & ANgie for his affections. He then tells both Miss Russell & Mr Sutherland that however pays for the MEGA expansive sex change operation (to fully turn Kimmy into a woman) will be the person who wins his heart. Angie & Rhys are both determined to have Kimmy all to themselves, but who will be able to raise ALL that money first?

Kane tells several good friends (like Fi, Wanda, Danusuia & Mark) that he is planning to bring Kristy’s great emailing buddy Riley (from Canada) to Australia for a holiday. Kane knows that both Kirsty & Riley have talked about meeting each other face to face (for the first time) for a while now, but they hadn't been able to as yet. Kane's friends, esp. Mark & Wanda, think that it will be an awesome surprise. About a week later, there's a knock on the KK door. Kane (knowing full well that it's Riley) suggests that Kristy should answer the door. What happens

when she does?

Date: 24/04/04 Author : JosieTash

326

Psycho Freak Girl is cunning in a desperate way and pretends to Dani that she is interested in her whining , she gets Dani to think that no one in the Bay deserves her friendship and that they should join forces to plot the Bay's downfall. Dani however self centred she is ,though, does not really want to harm any one , she just wants them to treat her like a princess and listen to her whining. But Psycho Freak Girl works on her vanity , telling Dani how jealous everyone is of her and pretends that no one will really be hurt. Dani agrees to help Psycho Freak Girl get revenge , starting with Hayley. Will Dani realise who her real friends are before Psycho Freak Girl can hurt them???!!!!

Kimmy has decided that if he has a hologram made of himself he can have double the amount of presents from Rhys and Angie , visiting one himself and sending the hologram to the other , he is also terrified of the thought of any medical procedure and had only mentioned the sex-change op as a means of getting more money out of them. Will Rhys and Angie discover that Kimmy is playing them both for fools??!!

Despite Hil's best efforts Noah is tempted by the drugs the cartel offer him , and soon drifts back into his old stoned habits, but when the cartel tell him they want Hil's punished for her meddling Noah refuses , he offers them something else instead ...what is it??!!

Tilly gets Duncan high and then promises him sex....she gets him to undress and then hides his clothes ...this happens in the surf club at night.....when Jesse , Rhys and Alf open up they see a naked shivering Duncan trying to hide his measly assets behind the pool table ...they all burst out laughing at Toad-boys predicament. Poor Dunky bursts into tears and runs off covering his tiny man-hood with a sandwich he snatches from Rhys. He races back home where he has to walk through the busy diner covering his privates with only the sandwich , he runs upstairs and bursts out crying , hurling the sandwich out of the window.

The lettuce leaf falls from the sandwich and strikes loser-boy Seb on the head , killing him . A piece of tomato similarly kills the pathetic Posh Josh.

''We killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' said the lettuce leaf and piece of tomato.

''You LEGENDS!'' replied the rest of the sandwich.

Duncan,meanwhile vowed revenge on Tilly for his humiliation ...what will evil Toad-boy do??!!

Little mutt Max is about to be put down when someone comes to the pound looking for a dog to have as a pet ....will Max be saved ...and by who??!!

Kirsty answers the door , but it isn't Riley there at all it's a cute fluffy cat with a ribbon round it's neck ,''My name is Felix'' said a note attached to the ribbon. A letter revealed that Felix was a gift from Riley who would be arriving the next day.

Everyone adored cute Felix , everyone that is except Dani.

''Eeeeewwwwwwww'' she cried ,''it will get hairs on my slutty clothes!!!!!''

Felix hissed at her ...was there an evil glint in Felix's eyes or was it just a trick of the light??!!

Date: 30/04/04 Author : Wanda

327

Psycho Freak girl has worked her evil charms on Dani, so the whiney princess (armed with the samurai swords that the Psycho gave her) charges over to her "supposed" best friend Hayley’s house. Dani immediately slashed at Hayley with her swords, but hayles was able to blunt to attack with the broom she had in her hand (she had been sweeping the kitchen). The fight cont’d for quite a while, and during the confrontation Hayley was able to knock 1 of the swords from Dani’s grasp. Eventually, Dani got the upper hand. Her newfound swordsmanship allowed her to best Hayley. Dani then rammed her sword right through her former best friend’s heart and left her to die.

As dani moved on to her next target, a seemingly 100% healthy Hayley stood up, noticed the massive scar between her breasts (from where Dani stabbed her) and begin to wonder why so hadn’t died. After 5 seconds the thinking was too much for the bimbo’s brain, so she got on the phone and warned others about Dani. The ppl she rang, incl. Jade, Mark, Tasha, Wanda & Jesse, Kane & Kirsty all were shocked by what Dani did, and how Hayley seemed totally OK (despite being stabbed). Tasha has a wild suggestion as to why Hayley (seemingly) isn’t affected. What does Angie’s daughter think has happened?

Meanwhile, Psycho freak Girl is devising a fiendish plot to break up the friendship between Robbie & UK Leah, so she can have Robbie al to herself. What’s the weirdo’s vile plan?

Angie can tell straight away that it’s the hologram that comes to see her one day. She threatens to expose Kimmy’s little secret to Rhys - if the REAL Kimmy doesn’t always come to see HER everyday - ie Kimmy will from now on ALWAYS send the hologram to see Rhys. Kimmy agrees to Angie’s plan.

Several days later, Rhys realises there’s something not quite right about Kimmy. Rhys then explodes into a violent, rage when he discovers the truth. Mr Sutherland, having picked up and thrown holo-Kimmy tho who knows where, searches for the REAL Kimmy. Rhys finds Hyde’s soon having sex with Angie. Will either Kimmy or Miss Russell survive Rhys’ rage?

Josh & Seb are kissing on the beach when holo-Kimmy (having been thrown by Rhys) lands on them insipid couple. Their bones are shattered instantly, and they die.

"I killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb", said the dased holo-Kimmy.

"You LEGEND", replied the ocean waves - as they crashed near the beach.

Noah offers his "great friend" GREEK LEAH a Guinea pig for all the latest drug that the cartels produce - ie if she doesn’t die when she consume the latest concoctions, they know they can distribute the product to the world. The cartels ppl wonder is the person Noah has suggested will be missed if she disappears. The drughead assures them that every1 HATES GREEK Leah, and asks them to kidnap her quickly. The cartel ppl do just that - and snuggle the chef to Colombia. Will Greek Leah die when she is forced to take all those experimental drugs? And will any1 miss the diner chef?

Tod boy Duncan sneaks into DrSuperFlynn’s surgery and steals some medical books. He aims to find some way to take away Tilly’s most prized "possession" - her voice, which she LOVES using to hurl verbal insults at virtually everyone. Will Dunky succeed in his quest to silence the girl who made a fool of him?

Laura is in the Bay visiting Kirsty. As Kane’s wife’s identical twin takes a talk about the Bay, she sees moron max barking keenly at the pound. Laura falls in love with the little "mutt" and takes him with her to the KK house. How will kirtsy, kane & Fi react when they see the poison wharf again?

Dani tries to tell EVERYONE that the cat is evil - she even tries to slice Felix in two with the sword Psycho Freak Girl gave her, but Kane was able to save the fluffy cut cart just in time.

Kane said that he wouldn’t call the police, IF dani went to see Saintly Scotty P - to help her with her obvious mental problems. Felix then scratched Kane harshly across his face. Now will kane, an others, believe what Dani has been saying about the cat?

Date: 30/04/04 Author : JosieTash

[JosieTash]

belgshep, LOVE the line bout Angie etc & me !!!!!! ....... REALLY persih the thought of ALf & Colleen etc ...... I concur bout chapters, it's been fun re-discovering CLASSIC Twisted !!!!

328

Hayley's seemingly miraculous escape from the jaws of death remained unexplained until Alf had a wierd premonition dream ....it seems that it was just not Hayley's time to die and that the samurai swords are imported from another dimension by the forces of evil,but have no power to kill in this dimension. So who is the force of evil who has come over to the world of Summer Bay , the Baysiders look on all recent newcomers with suspision but Psycho Freak Girl seems to be the obvious choice. The Baysiders take Dani to see Saintly Scotty P who explains to Dani that Psycho Freak Girl is not her friend but an evil entity from another dimension, and that everyone must work together , even with former enemies to rid the Bay of her. Can all the Baysiders work together and put their differences aside to rid the Bay of the evil creature.

''But what about ME,ME,ME!!'' whined Dani.

''You must work as part of a united team'' replied Saintly Scotty P , ''no one person can put themselves first.''

Will Dani be able to take this advice , will all the Baysiders be able to work together to get rid of evil Psycho Freak Girl??!!

Knowing of Psycho Freak Girl's unhealthy obsession with Robbie and her prediliction for kidnapping babies the Baysiders decide to set a trap. UK Leah and Robbie agree to take young V.J to the beach and wait for Psycho Freak Girl to make her dasterdly move ....the other residents of the Bay , lead by the Bay's hero, Kane, hide nearby and wait, ready to deal with the warped freak .What will happen next??!!

Rhys decides that he wants no further part of the self-centred money grabbing Kimmy , but remains angry at the way Kimmy tricked him. They put their differences aside to foil evil Psycho girl's plans but both know that Rhys will wreak his angry red-faced bulging eyed revenge once the evil demon is banished from Summer Bay.....what will Rhys do to exact his revenge??!!

Silly Scott Hunter is looking for Leah because he has a craving for moussaka , no one else has missed her ....will he bother to tell anyone she is missing....will he even remember ??!!

Hyde is hurrying to the beach to help in the battle with the evil demon Freak Girl , when he spots Posh Josh and Saddo Seb skulking about .

''WHAT ARE YOU TWO LOSERS DOING!!'' he shouted in his big booming voice .

This startled the losers so much that they both ran as fast as they could away from the scary Mr.Hyde. Fortunately they did not look where they were going and ran right off the end of a cliff ,both dying impaled on the sharp rocks at the bottom of the cliff.

''We killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' said the sharp rocks.

''You LEGENDS'' replied a nearby crab.

Hyde then caught sight of Toad-boy Duncan and called him over , warning him that if he did not join in with the Baysiders plan to rid the Bay of Psycho Freak Girl he would pay for it at school. Duncan agreed to postpone any of his own wrong-doings until the evil was banished ....will Duncan be able to put his differences with Tilly to one side for even one day??!!

Kane decided that Dani was just being paranoid about the cat , Felix, despite it's nasty nature , and thought a good way to teach it to behave would be the good old ''kill or cure'' Phillip's method. So he put Felix and Max together in the yard .Kirsty,Kane, their best friend Fi , Mark,Tasha , Wanda and Jesse all spent an enjoyable couple of hours watching the savage kitty chasing the pathetic Max around the yard and scratching him ....but then it was time to head down to the beach to see off the Bay's evil intruder.

Max and Felix were left alone then .. what will happen to them??!!

Date: 04/05/04 Author : Wanda

329

Hayley is VERY relieved that the swords aren’t from our dimension.

Meanwhile, Dani decides to seemingly paly along with evey1 else (the united stand etc) but privately thinks to herelf "If I can defeat the evil psycho frek all by myself LOTS of ppl will be talking ME and MY heroic actions for ages and ages and ages.

Dani decides to befriend the Psycho Freak, so she could gain her confidence and, literrelly, stab the girl from another dimension in the back.

The Psycho Freak could sense that VJ was out in the open - just waiting to be kidnapped, when Dani told her that the others, incl. Kane, Robbie & UK Leah, had set a trap for her. When the Psycho (and Dani) walked straight past VJ, every1 wondered why - but then all suspected that Dani might have spilled the beans about their plans.

When The psycho freak and Dani reached the cave that the girl from another dimension calls home, Dani went for the kill (and all the kudos that went with it.). Just as they knife was about to pierce the Psycho Freak’s back, she changed into her TRUE form - a 3 heded, scaly, ugly looking monster. Dani screamed the loudest scram in the history of the universe - but because she wasn’t running as she screamed, the Psycho freak was unable to render her unconscious with a drug filled syringe.

AS Kane and the others searched for Dani (basing the search area on where they belkieved the scream eminated from), Psycho Freak Girl decided the use some of other dimensional skills. The Psysho created a machine which can instantly tur ANY human into a helpless little baby. The Freaky One wanted to use her creation to make Robbie COMPLETRLY dependent on her, but she didn’t to machine to harm him so she decided to test the "baby maker" on Dani first. Will Kane & search party find the sooky princess before she REALLY has something to cry about?

Rhys threatens Kimmy with his WORST nightmare when he tells the women’s dressing wearing son of Hyde that he will bash him sesnseless. Rhys continued by saying that the bashing wouldn’t be the most painful part though - that would be when a deregistered surgeon performms a sex change op of kimmy WITHOUT an anithetic. Will antone be able to convinbce Rhys NOT to do these things to Kimmy?

Silly Scott looks for hours and hours as he tries to find Greek Leah, but she forgets all about her and his hunger when an ship, full of pirates, sails pat him. The pirates (lead by someone who looked remarkably like Johnny Depp) anchor their ship near the main beach, and row in samll boat to the shoreline. They are amazed at how different (futuristic) things are. What happens when they aprroach Silly Scott?

As the search for Dani & the Psycho Freak continues, Duncan decided to use the confusion of the search to his advantage - to gain revenge on Tilly. He stole a high powered rifler and aimed fro his nemesis' throat - but, at the last moment, Saddo Seb walked in front of Tilly, so he got shot instead. Posh josh was SOOOOOO shocked by what happened that be died as well.

"I killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb" saif the rifle.

"You LEGEND", said Tilly's throat (Duncan's intended target).

Max tried to scare Felix the cat with his "fierce" barking, but Felix "laughed" at him. Max then tried to kill th cat by swiping it with his "paws" - felix, however was way too quick (and was easily out of reach of max's grasp). Felix then decided to turn the tables on Max - the cat fiercely hissed at him, before attaching mutt max with his sharp claws. Will Max survive Felix's attack?

Date: 04/05/04 Author : JosieTash

330

Dani's screams unnerve Psycho Freak Girl and her hands shake as she points the machine at Dani,it misses Dani but the rays bounce off the walls and are deflected hitting Saddo Seb and Posh Josh , who were lurking in the nearby undergrowth at the mouth of the cave. The two losers are transformed into the ugliest babies known to mankind and their pathetic mewling cries are drowned out by Dani's screams.

Kane is the first to reach the cave , due to his super-human speed and strength , and he courageously tackles the Psycho Freak despite her changing into a hideous monster form. His courage and selflessness diffuses the monsters evil and he manages to kill her using the sword. As she dies an evil smell and putrid smoke emmanate from her body. Dani faints at the sight, just as everyone else arrives at the cave. She comes to ,hoping her fainting will have attracted some attention , but is incensed at being ignored.

''What about poor brave little ME,ME,ME!!'' she pouts as everyone congratulates Kane .

''Get out of here you spoiled little princess,'' said Alf,''you deliberately put everyone's life at risk , and no one wants you around!!''

''Boo hoo, sob,sob, '' cried Dani , tilting her head in a failed attemp to look appealing.She continued squeezing out some tears and sticking her snout in the air , but everyone ignored her.

''I'll get my own back ,'' she hissed as she stopmped out of the cave.

Meanwhile everyone else went to the surf club to celebrate and toast Kane the hero.The two ugly ''babies'' hidden in the undergrowth , went unnoticed ,until a dingo put them out of their misery and killed them

''I killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' said the dingo.

''You LEGEND!'', replied a koala.

At the surf club Saintly Scotty P notices that Duncan is spiking Tilly's drink. He tries talking to the disgusting toad-boy ,appealing to his better nature, but since toad-boy has no better nature ,in the end it is left to Kane to haul him outside and teach him a lesson using more traditional Phillips tactics.Duncan returns to the celebration looking battered and bruised and for the first time remourseful for his actions.

''Stone the flaming crows'' declares Alf ,''I should have given the little mongrel a good hiding years ago!''

Most people felt that he was stating the obvious , but loved good old Alf anyway , so he was pleased to hear that there were heaps of volounteers lining up to beat the crap out of Duncan if he misbehaved again. Funnily enough Duncan did not look at all grateful for this offer of help!!

Just then Kimmy ran into the Surf Club (wearing a rather fetching matching basque and mini-skirt in purple lycra), persued by an angry looking Rhys.Hyde and his lady-love Irene asked what the problem was , and as usual poor Hyde felt very disappointed in his sulky self-centred son's behaviour. He apologised profusely to Rhys who demanded to know what would be done about it !!!!!

Saintly Scotty P decided that Dani and Kimmy should be handcuffed together so each could see how their self centred , whiney , nauseatingly sulky behaviour was unacceptable ....would this plan work , or would they be too self - absorbed to notice??!!

Rhys spotted Angie and was just about to go to her side in the hope of some quick, uncomplicated sex later when he spotted someone else taking a keen interest in Ms. Russell ...who was it??!!

The celebration is interupted by a commotion outside ....Silly Scott Hunter arrived accompanied by Pirate Jonny , who had been left behind when his ship sailed. Ofcourse they were not real pirates , just a film crew , but Silly Scott was too stupid to understand that. Jonny was happy to join in the party ,but Baysiders were shocked when he started chatting up ....who??!!

Meanwhile back at KK's yard Felix was enjoying torturing Max , he was in no hurry to finish him off , and in typical feline fashion was letting him get away just so far before pouncing on the hapless halfwit again and again. The dwarfish Max was crying his eyes out but Felix was not bothered , he was enjoying himself too much ....will anyone care enough to help Max??!!

Date: 07/05/04 Author : Wanda

331

After they both whined and whined (for a least 3 months) about being handcuffed together, Kimmy began to have thoughts about revenge against every1 in the Bay. He wanted each of them to die a slow and painful death (partic Hyde & Rhys), but Dani hated this idea. She wanted the pair of them to create a device whereby every1 in the bay would become zombies who would be at their TOTAL bet and call. Kimmy liked Dani’s idea - as he could then have every1 in the bay buying him gifts (esp. girly clothes). Both knew they weren’t brainy enough to build such a device, so Dani & Kimmy agreed that once they freed themselves (or were freed by somone else) that they had would to somehow "coerce" Robbie & UK Leah into building their EVIL machine. What ingeniously fiendish plan do Dani & Kimmy come up with?

Duncan decides that if he was going to be punished by everyone anyway that he might as well be VERY VERY bad then. He eagerly continues his obsessive quest for vengeance against Tilly. Duncan sends her arch nemesis a letter saying that she has received a fully paid for scholarship at the boarding school she used to attend. Tilly, without checking if the offer was authentic, hitched a ride with the first car she saw going out of the bay to the city. The person she hitches with is unknown to Tilly, but she doesn’t care - but will Beth’s daughter’s actions lead to her doom?

Rhys was shocked when he thought he saw Kirsty whispering sweet nothings in Angie’s ear, but then realised that it is Laura (his daughter’s identical twin) that was getting VERY friendly with Angie. What Miss Russell DOESN"T know is that Laura is planning to TOTALLY humiliate her - for everything she’s done to the Sutherlands. Will Angie figure out what Laura is planning?

"Pirate" Johnny falls in love with Wanda the moment he sees her. He immediately tries to court her - and continues to be smitten even after Wanda tells her that she is married to Jesse. Wanda’s hubby gets VERY annoyed that Pirate Johnny is openly flirting with Wanda.

The next day, jade, Mark & Tasha find the Hollywood star unconscious on the beach. Tasha is able to revive Johnny, but it appears that someone has beaten him up. Suspicion immediately points to Jesse, but Jade thinks it’s someone rather unexpected. Did Jesse beat Pirate Johnny up? Who does Jade suspect? And is she right?

Posh Josh & Saddo Seb are walking by the KK house (hoping to perve on both Kirsty & Fi) when they see Felix terrorising moron max. The pair of loosers decided to try and rescue the little mutt. Felix eagerly takes advantage of their actions. He used his razor sharp kitten claws to tear Josh & Seb into little pieces.

"I killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb," said Felix the cat.

"You LEGEND", replied D’s kitten - as it played with the loosers’ remains.

Felix, having now got a taste for blood, decides to stop trying with Max and go for the KILL. Is this the end for the poison dwarf?

Date: 10/05/04 Author : JosieTash

332

The whinging duo of Dani and Kimmy approached Robbie and UK Leah to get them to build a device to turn everyone in the Bay into their personal slaves.Luckily Robbie and UK Leah were so much smarter than Kimmy and Dani that they saw through their dasterdly plan. They decided to build a machine that did NOTHING , but told Dani and Kimmy that it would work. Dani and Kimmy's coverplan was to pretend that they wanted to tame Felix the cute - looking but totally feral kitty that now lived at Kirsty and Kane's house. In order not to arouse suspicion they had to take the device there and try it out on Felix. The whining duo pointed the machine at Felix and to their glee he immediately did everything they told him. Dani and Kimmy went off with the device convinced that it would work on everyone in the Bay. What they did not know was that Felix had been bribed by Robbie and UK Leah into behaving by them promising him an extra hours playtime with the dwarfish mutt Max.Max was ofcourse not quite so pleased with this arrangement , but frankly no one cared anyway.

Kimmy and Dani entered the diner, bickering about who had the shortest mini skirt and who's bum looked the biggest . They pointed the device at Alf and ordered two low calorie drinks ...ofcourse Alf took their order and brought the drinks over.

''It's working, it's working!!!!!'' squeaked Kimmy excitedly.

Dani rolled her eyes , looking remarkably like E.T. and said ,''We don't know that it's working you fool , Alf would have got the drinks anyway.We have to make him do something that he wouldn't normally do.''

Alf however was aware of their plot and ready to do anything they asked .

''Alf,'' said the vile princess Dani,''kiss Colleen.''

Alf turned green at the vomit inducing thought ....would he be able to go through with such a terrible ordeal for the sake of saving the Bay??!!

Tilly got into the car and was horrified to see the person driving the smart sportscar was none other than Hyde. He laid into her for hitch-hiking and then laughed at her for believing the scholarship story. Tilly was not impressed--- she did not take kindly to being laughed at!! Hyde felt sorry for her and promised to help her in her quest for revenge against Duncan , after all it was a good excuse to pick on a student especially a particularly toad-like and disgusting one ! What will Tilly and Hyde do to Duncan??!! And will Hyde tell his lovely lady Irene??!!

Rhys feels a tad uncomfortable perving on Laura with Angie ....after all she IS his daughter , but he carries on doing so anyway !!!! Laura has found out that Angie also has an identical twin and is curious to meet her , but Angie is keeping her away from the Bay. Laura uncovers the truth of why this is ....Angie is infact the good twin (hard to believe) and her twin Josie is sooooo evil that even Angie fears her , and just as Angie is Tasha's mother so Josie is Kimmy's mother and Angie knows that one day soon Josie will return to claim her son!!

Laura tells Angie that she knows her secret and begins blackmailing her giving her a list of demands , but to her surprise Angie starts laughing .... now Laura is worried , who is this person really , is it Angie the witch or Josie the Bitch .....can anyone really be sure.....what happens next??!!

Wanda runs to pirate Jonny's side , their eyes lock and they instantly fall in love, but what about Jesse?? Jesse finds solace in the arms of gym bunny Hayley , who has always had the hots for him. This leaves Noah ,the worst counsellor in the world without a girlfriend , but since he has no personality it doesn't really matter. He sits on the dock of the Bay watching the ships ....smoking a big fat spliff with a big stoned grin on his face!!!

Wanda is ofcourse much happier with Jonny because although Jesse is gorgeous, he was getting a bit boring!!!!!

Flynn ,meanwhile has met a hideous woman at work , a cleaner called Val , who specialises in making married men happy in the bedroom department when their wives can't be bothered. Sally is ofcourse eternally grateful to the hideous Val since Flynn's man-boobs were becoming bigger than her breasts and she was starting to feel rather jealous , having always had the biggest boobs in Summer Bay.This left Sally free to persue someone else ...who has Sally got her eye on??!!

Kirsty and Kane decide that if cute little Felix really wants to kill the annoying mutt Max then he should be allowed to do so , but they warn him that they won't get him a new plaything if he does. Felix decides to wait a while and to carry on torturing and tormenting the runt for a bit longer. Kirsty and Kane are proud of little kitty Felix for deciding not to break his ''toy'' and as a reward they chuck Saddo Seb and Posh Josh into the yard for Felix to play with.

The little kitty hisses at them and a tiny globule of kitty spit hits Saddo Seb in the face killing him on impact. The kitty then urinates in disgust on the body , angry that this toy died so quickly, a drop of cat **** hits Posh Josh and kills him. Felix is outraged that this toy died so quickly too and takes his frustration out on Max ,scratching and mauling him.

''We killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' said the globule of kitty spit and the drop of cat ****.

''You LEGENDS!'' said a nearby cat turd.

Date: 12/05/04 Author : Wanda

[JosieTash]

The Phoenix, belgshep is totally right about Felix - it was a master stroke of Wanda's by linking Psycho Sarah's boyfriend and the famous cat into a great new charecters for Twisted.

Belgshep, Wanda soooooooooooooo likes Johnny Depp - so i thought, let's get him into the story (with the silly scott bit as a bonus) !!!!!! ....... Glad you like that Sally related humour !!!!!

btw, since we are soooooo close to the last CLASSIC tales, i'll post the remaining tales TODAY, esp. since i miscalculated - there are only 341 chapters, not 347 as I (loosely) calculated !!!!!!!!

I thought about splitting the remaining tales over 2 days, but a nice BIG helping for the finale seems like the right thing to do !!!!!!!!!!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad that you've enjoyed these CLASSIC Twisted Tales, and will continue to enjoy Twisted Tales - Reborn in the future !!!!!

333

Kimmy & Dani eagerly awaiting seeing if the device worked on humans. Alf knew that if the pair discovered that the machine is a fake that they would whine soooooooo nmuch that it would probably cause an earthquake powerful enough to destroy the bay. Alf then acted with the greatest courage imaginabel - when he kissed the ugly old hag colleen.

Dani & kimmy then left the diner "safe" in the knowledge that they could make ANY1 do their bidding now.

As soon as Dani & Kimmy were gone, Alf ran upstairs and vmmited out the back window of his flat - and all that disgusting flem etc landed on Posh Josh & Saddo Seb, who were scavanging thu alf’s rubbish bins, looking any secrets they could use against him. The vommit hit the looseres, and they died instantly.

"I killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb", said Alf’s spew.

"you LEGEND", replied the rubbish bins.

Dani & Kimmy cont’d on their misson. They "made" Robbie stomp on (and break) his glasseas, but as soon as they were out of visual range, UK leah gave her his spare pair of glasses. Dani then began to go to Gypsy’s hoise - she wanted to completely humiliate her ex-lover, whilst Kimmy wanted Rhys be the first person to REALLY be at his beck and call.

Dani & Kimmy then began to fight over the device - so much so that they dropped and broke the machine. Everyone in the Bay was VERY surprised by what happened when the device smashed to pieces on the ground. What SHOCKING effect did the breaking of the machine have on the ENTIRE WORLD?

Hyde’s thinks about keeping his & Tilly’s secret from Irene, but thinks she was be a great ally in his joint plan of atack (with Tilly) against toad boy. The trio have a brain storming session. All know that Duncan likes causing trouble so Tilly suggests that they arrange for the toad boy to join a interanational terrorist cell.

Hyde disguises his voice (he speaks in a middle eastern accent) when he rings Duncan asking for the toad boy to join their cause. Duncannis initailly dismissive, but changes his mind when the "terrosrist" that he is speaking to fuuly explains and all the rampant destructions that duncan can be involved. Hyde arranges to meet the leaders of the terrorists cell in sothern Iraq.

When the convo is complete, Irene rings the government’s terrorist hotline, and informs them about the convo between duncan and the "terrorists". Will Australia’s spy agaencies capture duncan? and if they do, will they torture him for information about his associates?

Laura is extremely confused as one moment the devilish blonde woman she’s talking to claims that she is Angie, and the next the woman says sthat she the even eviler Josie. Laura is determined to discover to truyh, ie just which miss russell is this. Laura decides to ask her identical twin for advice - so together they can, perhaps, determine is the beautiful blonde is angie or Josie. The sutherland twins, even with their twins power of deduction just can’t tell, so kirsty consults with saintly scotty p, as surel;y he will know the answer.

As they are going to his abode, the other Russell twin shows up in the bay, and both Josie & Angie begin to cause the baysideres BIG trouble. Saintly scotty & kane lead the forces aginst the evil russeel twins - but josie & angie are SOOOOOOOOOO vile and horrid etc that even saintly scotty is unsure if the forces of good will prevail. The battle are drawn - will kane & the good folk of the bay be victorious, or will the seaside town be the first to fall at the hands of Josie & Angie?

The Hollywood studios are concerned when Johnny says he won’t leave summer bay - as he NEVER wants to leave Wanda’s side. The execs are even more worried when Johnny says that he ever wants to make another film again - so they approach a mysterious peson who claims they can cause Johnny enomous physical pain (via a new, insidious disease) until she begins working again. Will the hollywood execs plan work? And who is the mystic that is causing Wanda’s man SOOOOOO much pain?

Sally decides that she wants some serious scandal in her life - so she seduces young Henry, who ADORES that his teacher wants him as her human sex toy. Sally is surprised to LONG Henry is able to last during his first time. Sally & Henry both LOVE the secretive, wonderful nature of their relationship. What they DON"T know is that someone has seem them in the throws of passion. Who is it? And how will this person react?

Felix the cat decides the mutt max is just too easy a target to kill - so he decides to escape for KKL's yard and get up to more micheif elsewhere. Felix thinks about attacjing Silly Scott, but also realises that she will be too easy a target. Felix decides that he'll try to best who he confiders to be his obvious arch nemesis, nature girl Tasha. Will Felix succeed?, or is he biting off more than you can chew (so to speak)?

Date: 12/05/04 Author : JosieTash

334

As the machine broke it sent out gamma waves which were reflected off the surface of the sea orbited the world and caused the earths surface to shake. This resulted in a huge tidal wave which hit the USA , killing most of the Yanks (so it can be seen as a good thing), but by the time the wave hit Summer Bay it was only a ripple . The only people on the beach were Posh Josh and Saddo Seb , scavanging for food. The tiny ripple hit their ankles knocking them over. Their weak skulls hit the soft sand of the sea bed and shatterd , killing them both.

''I killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' said the sea bed.

''You LEGEND!'' replied a piece of driftwood.

Dani shrieked at Kimmy , blaming him for the machine breaking. Kimmy screamed back and a cat fight ensued. Kimmy ripped Dani's tarty blouse and Dani laddered Kimmy's fishnet stockings. No one bothered breaking up the fight since it was rather entertaining watching them bitch slap each other. Then Kimmy started crying,''You broke my nail,'' he sobbed.

''Oh yes!'' sulked Dani, ''it always has to be about you doesn't it ??!!'' she pouted , tilting her head ,and squeezing out a tear while seeing just how wide her mouth would stretch (think Zippy from Rainbow,if you are from UK).

''Now , now you pair of flaming shielas,'' said Alf ,''stop your whining or I'll give you a good hiding!''

''You wouldn't dare hurt me ,'' said Dani ,'' I am the princess of the Bay and if you hurt me my darling daddy will get cross and bulge out his eyes and shout lots and then I will run you over!''

''Now you're just being plain silly ,'' said Kimmy,''but that's what I like about you.''

''Well I will flirt and pricktease you Kimmy , but I can't go out with you , because you are too vain, self centred and whiney ,'' answered Dani , stomping off with her snout in the air. But Kimmy had decided he would win her over , by whatever means necessary ....what will Kimmy do??!!

Hyde decides that the Aussie authorities might be too soft on Duncan , so he arranges for the Americans to capture him. Duncan is made to wear a flourescent orange jump suit and sent to Guantanemo Bay to be interrogated. Hooded and wearing feral clothing seems to be enough of a punishment but just for good measure the Yanks torture him too. How the Baysiders laughed when they saw him on prime-time news, ofcourse no one was in any hurry to get him out and Alf kept forgetting to post the letter to the government demanding his release ....will toad-boy be left to rot in the prison??!!

Saintly Scotty P hasn't been getting much action since his amicable divorce with Kit and quite frankly he finds the identical Angie and Josie a huge turn on ....will he persuade them to join him in the fight for good ...or will they corrupt him into becoming evil??!!

Greek Leah has never forgiven the beautiful Wanda for taking Jesse away from her and is trying to get her revenge by hurting Pirate Jonny , Wanda's soul-mate and true love. But on discovering that Jesse does not want her back and is shacked up with Hayley ,the mad greek chef turns her attentions to Hayley.She decides to pretend that Jesse wants her back ...will the blonde bimbo believe Greek Leah??!!

Beth notices that Henry is all of a sudden rather keen on his schoolwork and sees him pashing Sally. Beth ofcourse couldn't care less what her kids do as she can't stand them anyway, but she feels she could blackmail Sally ,since Sally seems to have an unlimited supply of money , commonly known as ''her inheritence.''

Will Sally pay Beth to keep her mouth shut??!!

Felix stalks Tasha ,but he is spotted by our hero Kane , who grabs the feline devil by the scruff of the neck. Felix scratches and bites Kane , but our hero feels no pain , and in his usual subtle manner shakes the kitty until it loses consciousness. He then tosses the cat back in the yard , where it wakes up with a head-ache and attacks Max.

''Aaaaawww look at Felix and Max playing,'' said Tasha.

''So cute,'' agreed Fi and Kirsty, as Felix scratched one of Max's eyes out.

Silly Scott Hunter asked if he could play too....will he survive the game??!!

Date: 13/05/04 Author : Wanda

335

Kimmy thinks of various wicked ways to make Dani his gf, but decides that the ONLY way that he can truly be with Dani is if he is her doormat. Kimmy loves Dani SOOOOOOO much, but he will be able to continually be her sounding posy? And what will Kimmy do when he hears that Hyde thinks it’s fantastic that he is interested in woman again (despite still wearing the sluttiest women’s clothes that he can find)?

The Aussie Govt, now headed by the man who REALLY is the world’s most pathetic looser (yes, I AM talking about the "wonderful" John Howard) - since Kit decided that a political wasn’t her "cup of tea" any more - does everything it can to suck to the few Yankees that are actually still alive, and is quite happy to let the US soldiers violently torture Duncan.

Tilly, however, becomes annoyed watching the footage of Duncan being tortured - it’s not that she feels ANY sympathy at all towards toad boy, it’s just that’s she wants to torture him herself. Tilly realises that breaking into the VERY well guarded US facility won’t be easy - so she asks the one person even more conniving than herself, Gypsy, to help. The redhead jumps at the chance to assist Tilly.

Gypsy thinks the best way to infiltrate the Guantanemo Bay compound is to use the most advanced anti security technology ever invented, so Tilly asks Riley & UK LEAH if they can help. Gypsy also requests the inventive duo to create the world’s most stealthiest aircraft - Tilly suggests something akin to Wonder Woman’s invisible jet.

Robbie & UK Leah eagerly & quickly work on both projects, aided by gypsy & Tilly.

When the stealth plane - and the anti security devices - are built, Gypsy wonders who they can trust enough to fly the plane. Tilly suggests her elder sister Kit, who had been using her post Prime Minister time training to be a pilot with the Aussie Air Force. Kit eagerly agrees to be the mission pilot.

Robbie then thinks that perhaps it would be best to begin their secret flight just outside US airspace - after he & UK Leah invent a device that will be able to both shrink, and later enlarger the stealth plane etc, but Tilly decides against this Plan, as Kit wants to fly the jet for as long as she possibly can. Gypsy however think the shrinking etc device might come in handy.

The next day, Tilly, Gypsy, Kit, Robbie & UK Leah take off on their mission to bust Duncan out of Guantanemo Bay - so Tilly can torture toad boy herself. The flight is TOTAL blast - Kit is in complete heaven as she skilfully pilots the craft created by Robbie & UK Leah. The invisible jet is easily able to land, without detection, right in the middle of the US facility. The 5, lead by Tilly, disembark form the jet, and begin to search for Duncan. American soldiers are only now aware of their presence. Will Gypsy & the others succeed in their mission?

Saintly Scotty tries his best to convert Josie & Angie back to the good side, but when that fails he decides to pretend that the EVIL Russell twins have corrupted him - so he can destroy them from the "inside". Every1 is the bay knows Saintly Scotty’s plan so they aren’t that worried when he begins to proves himself to josie & angie by performing token evil deeds. But Kane’s bro realises that this won’t be as easy as he first thought, as he’s beginning to LIKE this bad side of himself. Will Scotty P turn from being a saint to being a BIG sinner?

Bimbo Hayley is SOOOOOOOOO (Jessica Simpson) blonde that she immediately believes what Greek Leah says. Hayley then tried to rack her (little) brain and tries to think of a way to KILL Jesse.

As she thinks, Hayley runs her hand thru her hair. When she does this, several hairs are removed from her pretty little head. The hairs are carried by a gentle breeze. Soon after, the ultra lightweight hairs from Hayley’s head crash into the flimsy bodies of the Bay’s resident insipid losers. The pair dies instantly.

"We Killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb", said Hayley’s hairs.

"You LEGEND", replied the surfboard which the 2 losers were walking past.

Meanwhile, after thinking for exactly 2 LONG years, what does the bimbo blonde come up with (to destroy Jesse)?

Meanwhile, because Greek Leah has turned her focus onto Jesse, the curse she placed on pirate Johnny is broken and he soon after returns to full health.

He REALLY loves Wanda, but likes being a movie star too. He tells his soulmate this, and the loving couple comes up with a great plan. Johnny will shoot no more than 2 films per year - and Wanda & her kids will travel to each filming destination with the Hollywood star. Wanda LOVES the idea of travelling to al points of the globe with her man, but what will Danusia and her other children think of the plan?

After much thought, Beth decides to blackmail Sally. She wants the money so she can buy the Hunter farm back, and turn into something her adulterous (late) husband would COMPLETELY hate - a large concrete covered office block complex, with no trees etc whatsoever. Beth then approaches Sally and "asks" her for a million dollars. The cradle robbing Miss Fletcher then breaks down and confess to Beth that she’s exactly VERY VERY muchly in debt - to the tune of 10 million dollars. Beth is SHOCKED (considering how everyone thinks that Sally is rolling in money). Beth offers to help Sally with her monstrous money troubles - but Sally’s not overly keen about Beth’s suggestion of her becoming a porn star again. Beth then has another "out there" idea to get Sally back "in the black" so to speak. Sally likes this suggestion - but what is it?

Silly Scott jumps into the KK yard and tries to live harmoniously with Felix & Max, but Felix attacks him straight away. Silly Scott then tries to act like a VERY tough animal - like a lion - but Felix, KK & Fi laugh at his attempt to be a tough guy. Felix agrees to go easy on Silly Scott if he perform a special task (involving Dani) whilst Felix continues to "play with" Max. Will Silly Scott agree to carry out Felix’s plan?

Date: 13/05/04 Author : JosieTash

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At first Kimmy plays along with Dani's idea and does EVERYTHING she says,even letting her wipe her feet on him just like Silly Scott ''the doormat'' used to.But as soon as he gets wind that Hyde is pleased with this turn of events he immediately does the opposite. He starts rebelling , bossing Dani around and worst of all he starts hogging the mirror and wearing far more slutty clothes than Dani. Dani is livid and vows to get even ...what will the stuck up princess do??!!

Just as the dumb Yank guards spot our Baysiders ''rescuing'' Duncan ,the prisoners of Guantanemo all begin a massive revolt at the same time. They overpower the moronic Yanks and everyone is set free.....Duncan's joy is short-lived however when he realises that his fate lies in the hands of Tilly , as she is not known for her sympathetic nature!! They bundle Duncan

on board the stealth fighter and head back to the Bay so that the everyone can have a turn at torturing Duncan.But Duncan has an unlikely ally ...who is it??!!

Scotty P is walking along the beach contemplating turning bad , gently swinging a bike chain to help him think , when he comes across the two biggest losers of the Bay , Posh Josh and Saddo Seb. He decides to kill them , just to see how he feels afterwards , to help him decide between the path of good and the path of evil. He swings the bike chain at Saddo Seb ,missing

by a long way , but the breeze caused by the swinging bike chain throws Saddo Seb off balance and he hurtles down a convenient cliff face. Posh Josh was so scared that he quite literally died of fright.

''I killed Saddo Seb and Posh Josh,'' said the bike chain.

''You LEGEND'' anwered Saintly Scotty P , with a smirk and an evil glint in his eye ...will this be the beginning of evil-doing for Scotty P??!!

Hayley just cannot think of a way to kill Jesse ,no matter how hard she tries , her little miniscule blonde bimbo brain is just not capable of such intricate thought.Rhys then suddenly offers to help her ...why does Rhys want Jesse to come to harm and what is his cunning plan??!!

Beth sugests that in honour of their adulterous cheating husbands the farm should be turned into a brothel for women , with handsome gigolos pandering to the whims and wishes of the women of the Bay. Sally thinks this is an excellent idea , but being totally annally retentive and boring insists that Beth draw up a feasibility study and a business plan. As news of the

proposed house of fun spreads most people wellcome the idea ...Morag ,Colleen, Angie/Josie, etc are all in favour ...but their is one party pooper who is trying to stop the development going ahead ...who is this person and why??!!

Felix tells Silly Scott that he must cook Dani a meal and make her eat it. Felix knows just how bad Silly Scott's cooking is and he is hoping that Dani will be poisoned by Silly Scott H's cuilinary efforts or at least be nauseated. Silly Scott prepares a feast of fish heads and cockroaches served in a curry with rice full of maggots. Will Dani eat this putrid dish??!!l

Date: 24/05/04 Author : Wanda

337

Dani decides to seek out the most unlikely ally (for her) in her battle with Kimmy. She wanders into the bush and tells the local kangaroo population that Kimmy is planning to hunt tem down and then create his own, unique (slutty) clothing from the pelts. The roo population is VERY uncertain about trusting Dani, considering her history with the hopping species. A group of the kangaroo elders meets to discuss what Dani has said. Will the mammals believe what dani has said (and attack Kimmy) or will they think dani is lying to them?

Tilly & the others are somewhat surprised when Duncan appears to go missing on the flight back to Australia. What they don’t know is that UK Leah has used the shrinking ray to make Duncan REALLY small. Before she used the machine, Wanda’s daughter told Duncan that she REALLY doesn’t like him but hates the idea of any1 being tortured. She decides to keep him in a small container - with sufficient air holes so Alf’s son won’t be killed. AS the search for Duncan intensifies, will UK Leah tell great friend Robbie, and the increasingly frustrated Tilly, what she’s done?

Saintly Scotty seriously begins to question if all the good things he’s done in the world have been worth it (considering how many bad things there are), Scotty P then decides to become an agent of evil, but super heroic Kane instantly "hears" his brother’s thoughts - and races to gun shop where "Saintly" Scotty P is. Kane’s bro is about to shoot the storeowner when Kirsty’s soulmate arrives - and stand between Scotty & the shopkeeper. Kane tells his bro that if he wants to begin a reign of terror, then kane will HAVE to be his first victim. Will Scotty P kill his own brother?

Hayley decides to ask various ppl (in the bluntest manner possible - after all, tact requires brainpower that the bimbo blonde SOOOO doesn’t have) the best way to KILL Jesse. Most ppl are disgusted by Hayley’s question - esp. Jesse’s former lover Wanda - but when Miss Smith asks Rhys, he rather keenly agrees to help her. Although Hayley doesn’t care why, Rhys explains to her that apparently he’s been meaning to get even with Jesse for AGES - after Mr McGregor got the final place at an anger management workshop about 18 months ago. Rhys decides the most appropriate way fro Jesse to die is by being run over by a stolen vehicle.

Rhys tells Hayley to use her feminine wiles to distract the workers at a nearby quarry - so he can steal one of those MASSIVE dump trucks. He is, however, rather mystified when he sees Hayley arrive looking VERY ugly & dressed in MANY layers of clothing (unlike the skimpy 2-piece swimsuit he suggested should she only wear). Will Rhys be able to steel find a way the BIG machine (without Hayley’s help) ?

Dino teen Jaina begins protesting against the brothel - as she believes it is racist towards humans. She DEMANDS that she will only support the establishment (which requires 100% approval from all summer bay residents) if she is catered for as well. Sally & Beth instantly ask fro volunteers that will trek to the dino ppl forest and convince a few of the dino males to become employees at the brothel.

Colleen is rather eager to be one of the team to go to the secret forest but all agree that she’ll tell the world where it is. Sally, Beth & Jaina, however, accepted Jade & Tasha’s proposal to go to the dino ppl’s secret forest, as Mark’s wives both know the unique species’ location and esp. because they know that Jade & Tash don’t require the brothels’ services - thanks to their ultra sexy hubby.

Jade & Tasha set off on their mission - with colleen secretly following them. Will Mark’s wives be able to convince several dino ppl male to work at the brothel? and will Tash & Jade discover that Colleen is following them before she discovers the secret forest (and blabs to the entire world) ?

Silly Scoot had just finished cooking the "delightful" meal, and had gone to get Dani, when Posh Josh & Saddo Seb walked by the place and smelt the "delicious" meal. The insipid loosers were about to eat the "culinary masterpiece" when Dani arrives and slapped them both in the face. This caused the 2 idiots to die instantly.

"I killed posh josh & saddo Seb. How DARE they try to eat MY food!!!!!" said whiney princess Dani.

"You LEGEND", replied silly Scot’s "masterpiece" meal.

Dani then quickly grabbed some of Silly Scot’s cooking, and without looking at the food, ate it !!!!!!

Seconds later, Dani collapsed - will any1 be able to save her, or is this the end for the sooky "ME, ME, ME", sob sob, whiney princess?

Date: 24/05/04 Author : JosieTash

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The kangaroos simply do NOT trust Dani .They decide to test her out ,and leave two kangaroo suits by the roadside near the ditch where Saddo Seb and Posh Josh live .The Bays two losers cannot resist trying on the kangaroo suits and infact find themselves strangely turned on by them. Saddo Seb starts hopping down the road in what he imagines to be a seductive fashion (nauseating would be a better word to describe it),while Posh Josh scampers behind his lover panting and drooling. Dani sees the pair of kangaroo clad losers as she drives home from uni and try as she might to resist the temptation ,the urge is too strong and she smashes into them killing them both instantly. Unaware that she killed the losers she climbs out of her car , sobbing and sniffing (just out of habit),to inspect her handiwork.Just then Saddo Seb 's body let out an involuntary fart and the zip of the kangaroo suit flew open.

''I killed Saddo Seb and Posh Josh,'' said Dani ,rather surprised and now genuinly sobbing because she had wanted to run over a real kangaroo.

''You LEGEND,'' replied a passing lizard.

''Who asked you , you horrid pathetic creature,'' snarled the spoilt sooky princess ,''I wanted to kill a kangaroo!!'' and she stamped her delicate little princess feet right onto the poor lizard ,squishing it.

''We knew you weren't to be trusted!!'' shouted a rather large kangaroo,as Dani ran back to her car and beat a hasty retreat back to the Bay . ''**** off Roos !!''she shouted in a rather un-princess like fashion and stepped hard on the accelerator,''Ive got a hot date tonight.''

Little did Dani know that her meal with Silly Scott was not going to be a culinary delight !!And that her problems with Kimmy would pale into insignificance.

UK Leah confesses what she has done and shows the others the jam jar with tiny Duncan in it. ''I know what we can do,'' said the helpful but vindictive Tilly,''we can give him to Felix to play with.'' Everyone agreed that this was a splendid idea,well ,everyone except Tiny Toad Boy!! Will Felix get Duncan as a plaything ...or will toadboy manage to escape??!!

Saintly (EX) Scotty P stood looking at his brother,beads of sweat forming on his top lip as he replayed happy childhood memories in his mind and remembered their closeness as they were growing up. He remembered their joint sessions with their father where he taught them valuable lessons in pain management using his favourite bike chain , lessons in stealth as they went robbing farm houses and business premises together , lessons in armed an unarmed combat , lessons in making do with no food or shelter as their dearly beloved father locked them out of the house, the shared joys of bunking off school and making teachers lives hell , graffitying and mindless vandalism , all the magic of their idyllic childhood.And as he remembered a tear formed in his eye and his hand started to shake. ''I can't do it ,I can't kill you. You're my brother.'' he said . The two Phillip's brothers hugged and walked out of the gunshop together. Unfortunately Saintly Scotty P had forgotten to pay for the gun and the shopkeeper allerted the police. He rather ungratefully neglected to tell them that our hero Kane had saved his life ,and so both Phillips bros were now fugitives. Will the cops catch our hero Kane and his older brother ....will the shopkeeper remember that Kane saved his life ,and will Saintly Scotty P turn to a life of crime or become a saved soul??!!

Rhys cannot believe that even the blonde bimbo would be soooo stupid as to dress in jumpers etc when he specifically asked her to distract the workers at the building site. But he needn't have worried , Hayley put her one and only talent ...getting men's attention ...to good use.She turned on her portable stereo and started slowly and seductively stripping to the music. Just as Rhys was about to nick the large dump truck his mobile phone rang. Scowling he answered it , his rubber face turned into a mask of horror (or a horror mask) as he learnt that his darling princess Dani had been taken ill at Silly Scott Hunter's house.

''If that moron has harmed a hair on my darling princess's head I'll kill him with my bare hands!!!'' he screamed at no one in particular.

He drove to the hospital in the dump truck crushing half of Summer Bay in his haste and ran into the hospital , where Flynn was standing in the corridor. What news does Flynn have for Rhys ...and will Hayley notice that he has gone??!!

Tasha and Jade are puzzled by the Dino peoples hostile reception to their sugestion ....why are their former friends acting this way??!!

Date: 27/05/04 Author : Wanda

339

The kangaroos hear of Dani’s culinary misfortune and rejoice. Several of them, however, think that the all the animals of the world should unite - to end the dominance of humans. The ‘roos send telepathic signals to numerous animal species, incl. the dino ppl.

When Jade & Tasha arrives at the unique species’ forest, several of the dino ppl take Mark’s 2 wives as their prisoners. The creatures then send a msg to the ppl of summer bay, saying that Jade & Tasha will be killed if humans, and in partic Dani, don’t change their attitudes towards the animals of the world.

As the non human inhabitants of Earth began their revenge against their treatment by humans (lots of ppl being killed by sharks, lions, snakes, spiders and several less lethal creatures got into the spirit as well), Flynn informs Rhys that the poisonous food that dani has eaten has caused a massive chemical imbalance in her brain. When Rhys wonders what this means in English, DrSuperFlynn says that if they revive dani from her current unconsciousness, she will be even MORE mean to animals - which would be a devastating thing given the current rampage by the non human species. Rhys wonders if the doctors will be able to "fix" the imbalance (given enough time). Flynn replies that Rhys’ only options are either to give the order to revive Dani, or to have her killed. Rhys is frantic. He loves his sob sob whiney princess daughter, but he KNOWS she will make things WAY worse if she is revived. What will Rhys choose?

Meanwhile, Jade & Tasha - despite their own dire predicament - are deeply concerned for Colleen. Tasha knew all along that the old bat was following them, but she is currently unsure of Colleen’s whereabouts. Just where is Mrs Smart? And is she is danger?

Toad boy Duncan pleads with UK Leah to help him again. Alf’s son says things like "you’re a good girl. You wouldn’t want any harm to come to anyone - even me". Wanda’s daughter thought VERY hard about her next decision. She then begins the undo the lid of the jar that Duncan is in, but Tilly sees what UK Leah is doing. Beth’s firebrand daughter is NOT impressed - and suggests that maybe they should shrink UK Leah as well. Robbie disagrees and the 2 siblings begin fighting (whilst the plane they are in is still flying back to Oz). Kit & co-pliot Gypsy hear all the ruckus. Kit decides to try to sort things out between Tilly & Robbie. Will she succeed? And will Gypsy be able fly the stealth plane by herself?

The shopkeeper, who is new in town, contacts the police and they tell him that they’ll find the ppl responsible for this crime. What the storeowner doesn’t know if that Constable Corelli knows all too well that Kane & his bro, Saintly Scotty P wouldn’t have "borrowed" the gun on purpose.

The sexy policewoman, soon after, goes to Kane’s house and tells him about the situation. She then accompanies him & Saintly Scotty p to the gun store, where she explains to the owner about how heroic & well respected the 2 Phillips brothers are. The Constable then says that she won’t be pressing charges - if they give the gun back. Saintly Scotty immediately places the gun in question on the counter, but the shop owner is insistent that kane & Scotty p should "pay" for what they’ve done. As they leave the shop (with Pia Corelli), Kane begins to think that he knows the new guy in town form somewhere - and late that night, kane is HORRIFIED when he works out who the shop owner is. Who is it? And why do they have SUCH a grudge against Heroic Kane & Saintly Scotty P?

While all this is going on, Hayley continues to sexily remove the seemingly millions of layers of clothing she on - despite the fact that Rhys is long gone. The workmen at the quarry are WAY enjoying watching Hayley strip - and they aren’t the one ones. Saddo Seb & Posh Josh, who have some kind of "looser radar" which can instantly detect when a beautiful woman is sexily stripping on public, quickly raced to the work site.

All the workmen and the 2 insipid weirdos adored it when Hayley FINALLY (several hours later) got down to only having a bra & g-string on - and they were all shocked, but INCREDIBLY pleased when Hayley removed the bra, revealing her beautiful breasts.

This was, of course, WAY too much for the Bay’s pair of sex starved loosers, who collapsed, and died, out of sheer excitement.

"We killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb," said Hayley’s boobs.

"You LEGENDS", replied the bimbo blonde’s soon-to-be-removed G-string.

Hayley then takes off her g-string - and is VERY surprised by the workmen’s reaction. Why do the quarry employees respond in such a strange manner?

Laura decides to visit her twin (Kirsty). As she approaches the KK house, she sees Felix - who has gotten WAY bored of "playing" with moron max. Felix takes advantage of what he thinks is Kirsty being nice to him. He acts all "purry" & nice to "Kirsty" but when he gets real close to her, Felix attacks.

As he continues to scratch "Kirsty" - and Laura begins to scream for help from psycho kitty, Kirsty & Fi race out of the house. Felix then sees the real Kirsty. How does he react?

Date: 27/05/04 Author : JosieTash

340

Despite knowing that the fate of the whole world rested with him making the RIGHT decision ..ie,having Dani killed ...Rhys cannot bring himself to do it. His sooky darling sob,sob princess is soooo much more important to him that the rest of the world. Flynn decides that the only way to deal with this is to put Rhys out of action and persuade evil Shelley to sacrifice Princess Dani . Flynn hits Rhys hard over the head , rendering him unconscious and then sedates him and puts him on a life support machine to make it look like he is severely brain-damaged. A bit of wasted effort and valuable hospital resources since Rhys looks brain -damaged most of the time , but Flynn likes to be thorough. Flynn then contacts Shelley , who is just as adamant as Rhys that darling Dani cannot be sacrificed for the rest of mankind to survive,so Flynn arranges for the Phillips brothers to pay a visit and change her mind.Saintly Scotty has decided to fight alongside his brother on the side of good ,and has turned his back on evil. As his younger brother Kane told him , it is just as much fun beating someone up for a good cause as it is for evil and you get called a hero instead of a ba*tard , which is all good !!

The heroic Phillip's bros pay Shelley a visit , and after threatening to hurt pathetic slimey David (who cried like a girl) Shelley agrees to sacrifice darling Dani.....but is there a way that the animals can be pacified and brought under control without killing sob,sob,Dani??!!

On their return to the Bay the two Phillips heros go back to confront the gun shop owner ,why did Norman pretend to own a book shop when he infact sells guns ...is he hiding anything else??!!

Jade and Tasha look for Colleen and are amazed when they find her snogging the face off the chief of the dino people , who seems equally as besotted by Colleen , (must be the scaly,wrinkly skin .....Colleen's!!) Does Colleen hold the key to ending all the unrest and can she be trusted??!!

When Hayley removes her panties the workmen are shocked at the large sexually explicit tattoo that she displays ....and whose name is emblazoned across her naughty bits ??!!

Kirsty and Fi chuck a bucket of cold water over Felix and give him a good kicking.They throw Max a few doggy scraps and chain him up for the night. Max wonders if he should be on the side of the animals or the humans in this dispute ,but then realises that no one would care either way !! He chucks the bone he had been gnawing on over the yard fence , and in their

haste to get to this delicious scrap the Bays two losers Saddo Seb and Posh Josh bump into each other .They each grab an end of the wishbone and pull ,as the wish bone breaks the two losers are flung (gently) backwards and die as they hit the ground.

''I killed Posh Josh and Saddo Seb,'' said the wishbone.

''You LEGEND!!'' replied Max's dog bowl.

Date: 31/05/04 Author : Wanda

CHAPTER 341 !!!!!!!!!!

Shelley had given Flynn the order to end Dani’s life When She received a call on her mobile phone from Jade. Shelley’s "daughter" said that she, Tasha & Colleen had arranged a deal with the dino ppl.

Biaggi, the infatuated-with-Colleen leader of the unique half-human/half animal species, said that if the humans fulfil their part of the bargain then the non-human species of the world would stop attacking.

Jade told Shelley that SEVEN ppl for Summer Bay, incl. the 3 currently in the dino forest, MUST be transformed into being dino ppl. Jade then asked her "mum" to tell this info to the world.

Shelley instantly rushed to where Flynn was about to give Dani a dose of morphine that would kill the sob, sob, sooky princess. She is JUST in time to save Dani for being killed.

Shelley & Flynn then arrange a town meeting - in which Shelley explains to everyone what jade told her about dino ppl deal.

Mark is concerned for his wives becoming dino ppl, but realises that the best way to still be sexually compatible with his spouses is for him to volunteer to become a dino person.

When Mark agrees to do so, he is able to speak (via a very private phone call) to his wives. Jade & Tasha are pleased that their beloved hubby has volunteered to be transformed.

Tasha then tells Mark then Colleen - despite being besotted by the leader of the dino ppl - is reluctant to become one of her new lover’s species.

Jade then asks her hubby if he knows if anyone else from the bay has volunteered to become a dino person. Mark says that he doesn’t know - as he was interested only in their (Jade & Tasha) welfare for the time being.

The 3 lovers talk for a while longer - Jade, Mark & Tasha are all intrigued by what it will feel like to be part of the unique species, but all 3 can’t wait to make love "dino ppl style" for the first time - before Mark says goodbye and head back into the town meeting.

As he walks back into the surf club, the remaining 3 volunteers are congratulated on their selfless decision. But just who are the 3 Baysiders that have also agreed to be dino ppl? And will colleen’s reluctance to be one of Biaggi’s species ruin everything?

Kane and Saintly Scotty ask Constable Pia Corelli to do a background check on Norman. Both Phillips brothers aren’t really surprised when Pia tells them that she think "Norman" was pretending to a kind book shop owner so he could lull all the ppl of the bay into a false sense of security. He wanted to do this because "Norman" is actually the script producer of the rival Aussie soap "Neighbours" - who wanted to KILL everyone in summer bay so there’d be no ppl in H&A for its VAST viewing audience to watch. "Norman" then hoped the H&A audience would watch his show.

Kane, Saintly Scotty & Pia can’t believe how EVIL "Norman" evil. What will the trio do to the nasty "Neighbours" person?

The quarry workmen are initially quite shocked when they see Greek Leah’s name emblazoned across Hayley’s private parts - but one of them then remembers that the stripper is a bimbo blonde who probably had a TOTALLY blonde moment whilst at the tattoo parlour - hence the name of the whiney chef being near Hayley’s naughty bits.

All of the workmen then decide they REALLY wants to know NOW if Hayley & Greek Leah are a couple - so the instantaneously rush off to the whiney chef’s house.

AS they charge to the abode of Greek Leah, the quarry workers trample over the bay’s 2 mega losers, who are whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears.

"We Killed Posh Josh & Saddo Seb", said the workmen’s steel capped boots.

"You LEGENDS", replied the only cloud in the sky.

After UK Leah eventually decides that toad boy Duncan should become Felix’s new plaything, Kit rushes back to the controls of the spy plane. It’s heading towards the ground at very high speed, as - try as she might - Gypsy couldn’t control the plane after it hit some VERY heavy turbulence.

Will Kit be able to pull the craft out of its steep decline - or is this the end for Kit, Gypsy, Tilly, Robbie, UK Leah & Duncan?

Date: 31/05/04 Author : JosieTash

Lovers of CLASSIC Twisted, i'm afraid that's all we wrote !!!!! ........I think we both had computer woes back then, but i actaullly really LIKE that questions etc are left unanswered, and that I got the last word - hehehehehehe !!!! Hope you all do too !!!!!!!!!

Enjoy Life ALWAYS, JosieTash

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