pam Posted December 23, 2005 Report Posted December 23, 2005 I have some jokes but I wont post them as they are very very rude. The application is really good though.
-Emily- Posted December 23, 2005 Report Posted December 23, 2005 What vegetable do you find down the toilet? A leek!!!!!
I Love Mark Furze Posted March 6, 2006 Report Posted March 6, 2006 WARNING: Slightly Rude: 1) Little Miss Muffet wanked on her tuffet with a dildo as big as her arm, along came a nigger with a dick that was bigger and did her some serious harm! 2) Life with a man is like a pack of cards, you need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his ****ing head in and a spade to bury the bastard! 3) Men are like toilets! Free, unavailable, engaged, out of order, taking the ****, or full of ****!!! 4) Man and woman making love, she says ‘your organ’s very small’, he replies, ‘the organ is grand, it’s just never been played in a cathedral this size before’! 5) Wife comes home and says to her husband “the doctor said I have tits and an arse like an eighteen year old”. Husband says “What did he say about your forty year old ****?” Wife replies “he never mentioned you”! 6) Blonde goes into a computer shop looking for curtains for her PC. The assistant says “you don’t need curtains for a computer”. Blonde says “helloooo, I’ve got Windows”! 7) A man walks into an acting agency and asks to join. So the agent asks him his name and the man says “Penis van Lesbian”, the agent says that he’ll have to change his name, the man takes great offence to this and storms off, then a few years later, the agent gets a letter from the man, thanking him, he signed the letter “Dick van Dyke”! 8) A man and his wife are in bed. His passion is rising, when suddenly his wife says: ‘sorry, darling, I don’t feel like it any more. I just want you to hold me for a while. You’re not sufficiently in touch with my emotional needs as a woman for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.’ Disappointed, the man rolls over and goes to sleep. The following day, the couple go shopping. When the wife can’t decide which outfit to buy, the husband tells her to get both. Then he suggests they look for some new shoes and diamond earrings. The wife’s becoming increasingly excited. Finally, she says: ‘I think this is all, dear. Lets go to the cashier.’ The man says coolly: ‘No, darling, I don’t feel like it any more. I just want you to hold this stuff for a while. You’re not sufficiently in touch with my financial needs as a man for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.’ 9) Q. What gets longer when pulled, fits between a woman’s breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when yanked hard? A. A seat belt! 10) Q. What does a man have in common with a bottle of wine? A. They’re both empty from the neck up.
Annette Posted March 7, 2006 Report Posted March 7, 2006 1) Why are men like lava lamps? They're fun to look at but not that bright! 2) There were two fish in a tank. One said to the other, "How on earth do you drive this thing?" 3) Two boys were arrested, one for drinking battery acid, and the other for eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other off.
-Emily- Posted March 7, 2006 Report Posted March 7, 2006 Ok this is really sad..... Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball??? He had nobody to go with.
Liz Posted May 13, 2006 Report Posted May 13, 2006 A Manchester girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise." ------------------------------------------------------------ Another mancunian girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor. Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed." Sharon: "Ok." Medic: "What's you name?" Sharon: "Sharon " Medic: "Where do you live?" Sharon: "Manchester" Medic: "Ok Sharon . How many fingers have I got up?" Sharon: "Oh my God! I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
Gypsy & Will Fan Posted May 13, 2006 Report Posted May 13, 2006 LOL! These have made me & my mum laugh so much!
Si-Co Posted August 17, 2007 Report Posted August 17, 2007 A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.” The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!” The woman said, “That’s okay.” For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis to whom women will flock.” The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.” So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.” The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.” So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.” Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them. Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good. Male readers, continue reading…. … … … … … … The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife Moral of the story: Women think they’re so smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show. PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.